AMC: Update Thurs 22 Feb 96 DEAD AND DEADER
Ashley Lambert-Maberly
Today's Episode: DEAD AND DEADER
IF IT'S THURSDAY, THIS MUST BE JAMAICA: Noah and Julia hide while two sailors
gaze at the (apparently) dead girl (henceforth to be called TDG for short).
Both sailors have heavy accents; one sailor bears a striking resemblance as
well to Anton, and shares the same put-Olivier-to-shame acting ability.
The non-Anton is pessimistic about TDG's ability to remain dead. After all,
"She got the power," "She'll lay a curse on you," and "She got the magic!"
Noah and Julia come out when it's safe, and stare at TDG, while Julia wonders
if TDG's younger and prettier than *she* is. They then leave to search for a
dinghy, but return to hide when the sailors come back. They notice that TDG is
gone; the sailors notice to, and, gun in hand, the pseudo-Anton promises to
find her, or whoever took her.
MYSTERY CHILLER HORROR THEATRE: Tad and Dixie have words on the set of the
Cutting Edge while Liza listens in. Dixie's yelling a lot:
Dixie: "Relive the Horror in Syndication!"
and also
Dixie: "Celebrity Grave-robbers!"
Is she the new WRCW promo-girl? Nope. She just doesn't like some of Tad's
choices. Neither airing the tape of Laurel's death, nor planning to attend her
funeral with Liza, are conscientious options, says Dixie.
Tad is furious that Dix hasn't tried to understand or care about *his*
feelings. "Shut up!" he tells her. "Shut up shut up shut up!"
He then claims he "loves" Trevor, and that Trevor is his "Best Friend." Uh
huh, right. Blink, I missed that. In a classic moment, and somewhat mixing
his conscience allusions, he tells Dixie he doesn't need her to play Jiminy
Cricket and sit on his shoulder lecturing him all day about the right things
to do. He's a big boy, and can take care of himself!
They agree "I can't do this anymore," and whether that means argue, or stay
married, is uncertain. Dixie leaves, temporarily-for-good, and Liza comes out
to comfort Tad as only she can. They take off together for the chapel service.
BANG BANG, THE WITCH IS DEAD: Michael fights more quietly than Jason, but it's
still a fight--that is, until Jason is distracted from dissing "the letch"
long enough to remember Aiming a Gun at Laurel, and then Hearing a Shot.
[Updater note: Connected Events or Coincidence? Whadda you think?]
Jason is upset by his realisation, but won't share it with Michael. Jason
insists that Kevin is *not* gay, only *confused*.
Jason: "You've drafted him into your Gay Goon Squad!"
Michael reminds Jason again that sexual orientation is not as infinitely
flexible as Jason seems to think and that nobody can change another person's
orientation. Jason as usual takes the truth badly, and Michael orders him out.
GOING TO THE CHAPEL AND WE'RE ... GOING TO GET BURIED ... GOING TO THE CHAPEL
AND WE'RE ... GOING TO GET BURIED: Trevor arrives first at the chapel and sees
heaps of yellow roses piled upon Laurel's coffin.
In fact, there's so many flowers piled on the coffin it looks like the set
designers are afraid she'll escape and are trying to weight the lid down.
[Updater note: PLEASE, PLEASE, for the love of god, if we're going to have
women rising from the grave storylines, let it be an isolated Jamaican
experience and not a worldwide phenomenon!]
Trevor tells Laurel he wished they had more time, more passion, and more kids,
especially a tall gawky big-lipped kid if you catch his drift.
Dimitri arrives first as the chapel fills up slowly with friends. Trevor
acknowledges Nat at last, saying he never expected "to do this twice," and
admits he was lucky to have "two great loves" in one lifetime. Tim tells
Trevor that Amanda went skating with Mrs. Willis, and Trevor's pleased she's
there.
[Updater note: I think Amanda *should* be at the service. How do other
RATSAfarians feel about this potentially sensitive issue?]
Joe smiles and offers his sorrow; Opal doesn't understand why God wants Laurel
(neither do I, for that matter); and Brooke, Adam, Pierce, and all the Teens
of Pine Valley show up.
Brooke leaves expressly to give Trevor her condolences.
[AGAIN? Cripes, can this woman just let it alone, please? Trev doesn't want to
hear how sorry you are every hour and half-hour, Brooke!]
Brooke's absence gives Pierce the perfect opportunity to tell Adam that Laura
is staying with Brooke, and that Pierce can come by any time he wants.
Gloria, Michael, Tom, Taylor, Hayley, Matt all arrive. The Teens of Pine
Valley have a lucid moment where they get *really* close to realising they're
on a soap ... Scott has noticed that now He, Tim, and Laura have all lost
their mothers, and that Kevin and Bobby's mothers are mysteriously absent all
the time. Only Anita has a mother.
"And I couldn't stand it if she died," Anita says before breaking down into
tears, "I can't even think about it!" And she joins the line of teens hugging
Mr. D., sobbing all the harder when she embraces him. "I'm so sorry, I'm so
sorry!"
The service begins; Jason arrives and hovers at the back while Jack begins at
the podium, telling a long, rambling, uncomfortable, and slightly insane story
about seeing a vision of Laurel while driving one night. *This* man is D.A.?
Get him to Oakhaven, pronto!
Jack: "Laurel was undoubtably the most amazing woman I have had the privilege
to know."
[Updater note: Poor Erica Kane!]
Jack admits she needed a Big Heart because she was Larger than Life; he
doesn't say anything about pumping blood to lips, but we can follow his drift.
As Jack starts talking about Lily's inability to handle the news when he gets
around to telling her, Jason runs out, obviously upset by his recurring
flashback problem.
Jack apparently thinks there's a good chance Laurel *could* be in Hell:
Jack: "Laurel, *wherever you are*, you'll be missed."
Hayley takes the podium, and we are treated to a montage of
bad-Trevor-and-Laurel-hair days, big lips, the First Lily, etc. etc. When
Hayley finishes, Tom takes off for AA.
[Updater Note: Can we spell FRAGILE, boys and girls? What with the
round-the-clock AA meetings he's always going on about, he can't attend say
the four o'clock instead of the three?]
Michael begins talking about Laurel, how she stood up for him at what became
the Killing Fields of The Cutting Edge ... just as Tad and Liza appear, late.
[Note to PR Department of WRCW: Late appearances at Funerary Services don't
signal caring, only contrivance.]
Hayley yells at them: "There's not a human emotion between you two," and races
off for AA herself. Trevor asks them to leave, and Tad protests, but finally
goes when Dr. Joe himself suggests it.
Dixie: "I'm sorry about Tad. Are you okay?"
Trevor: "Are you kidding? Cherry on top of my day."
ALL AA, ALL THE TIME: Jason arrives as Tom holds court, talking about death
and alcohol, etc. Jason freaks out just as Hayley enters the room.
Jason: "Help Me! You can't let me drink!" Please, help me! Help me! Help me!"
[When I Was Younger, So Much Younger Than Today-Hanger]
Ashley Lambert-Maberly
(ash...@oldadm.ubc.ca)
Keeper of the FAC List, and RATSA Reading Group Moderator
FAC Marianna Starkweather, LCAS Spearcarrier #3
Pope Ular of the IHLC, & Cheese Hostess for SPERM
Courtenay Keough
>Gloria, Michael, Tom, Taylor, Hayley, Matt all arrive. The Teens of Pine
>Valley have a lucid moment where they get *really* close to realising they're
>on a soap ... Scott has noticed that now He, Tim, and Laura have all lost
>their mothers, and that Kevin and Bobby's mothers are mysteriously absent all
>the time. Only Anita has a mother.
>"And I couldn't stand it if she died," Anita says before breaking down into
>tears, "I can't even think about it!" And she joins the line of teens hugging
>Mr. D., sobbing all the harder when she embraces him. "I'm so sorry, I'm so
>sorry!"
This drove me to a point of hysterical anti-Santosing of such astronomical
heights that I probably broke some sort of altitude record. Here's little
Anita, who's never faced any tragedy in her whole stinkin' life, breaking
down in the company of:
a) a boy whose biological father was a junkie who infected his mother with
AIDS.
b) a boy whose parents have basically abandoned him to a homophobic psycho
of a brother with a drinking problem.
c) a girl who watched her mother die in a fire, lived on the streets, and
has recently discovered that the woman she was beginning to think of as a
surrogate mother is actually a crowbar murderer (we won't mention the fact
that she now has to endure living with Bah-rooke)....
d) a boy whose real mother was murdered and who was adopted by nice people
who treat their marriage like instructions on a shampoo bottle: marry
Cliff/Nina, get pissed off, divorce, repeat as necessary.
These kids are bearing up okay. It's only our whiny 'tender hearted' Anita
who breaks down. The pain of having a happy family! Oh! The agony!
Courtenay "But then, if I had to be related to Maria and Julia, I'd have a
breakdown, too" Keough
LilCappy
(Ashley Lambert-Maberly) writes:
>Joe smiles and offers his sorrow;
For once, Joe seems to have the smiling thing down pat -- doing it at the
appropriate time!
Leslie
FAC Erica Kane; SPERM - Erica's Guardian Angel; AFAC Brooke; CFO/Treasurer
of IHTC; THE Princess of IHLC, Now Princess of ILJC: Ding Dong, the Witch
is DEAD!
Proud Delurking Sponsor of Mary D., Denise & Gretchen (I'm becoming the
Mia
Farrow of the NSP!)
RHartm3564
"This drove me to a point of hysterical anti-Santosing of such
astronomical
heights that I probably broke some sort of altitude record. Here's little
Anita, who's never faced any tragedy in her whole stinkin' life, breaking
down ...
<snip, snip, snip>
It's only our whiny 'tender hearted' Anita
who breaks down. The pain of having a happy family! Oh! The agony!
Courtenay "But then, if I had to be related to Maria and Julia, I'd have a
breakdown, too" Keough"
End quote
Santos Spawn #4 reminds me of so many "nice girls" that I went to
[Catholic] high school with ... if we peek into Anita's locker, what do
you bet we find a vintage Hallmark inspirational poster ... you know, the
kind with a sunset or seascape and some beyond-bland saying like "only
with your heart can you hear the words your soul is saying" or "love will
find those who look for it with the eyes of someone who is listening with
their heart." That, and a mini-poster Julia gave her of a kitten dangling
off a rope "Hang in there, baby!". My guess is Anita weeps at the sight
of 1) AT&T commercials 2) random obituaries in the newspaper 3) roadkill
4) mime 5) rainbows 6) any infant mammals 7) which goes double for bunnies
8) any human interest story on the six o clock news 9) Sally Struthers
[just in general] and 10) history teachers.
Rob "Those Santos Girls Shore Got Big 'Ol ... Tear Ducts" Hartmann
FAC Anonymous Diners at the Valley Inn ("Who are those two kids at the
next table chewing with their mouths open? Why doesn't their mother *do*
something about -- oh, I see where they picked it up.")
Michelle Martin
>Santos Spawn #4 reminds me of so many "nice girls" that I went to
>[Catholic] high school with ... if we peek into Anita's locker, what do
>you bet we find a vintage Hallmark inspirational poster ... you know, the
>kind with a sunset or seascape and some beyond-bland saying like "only
>with your heart can you hear the words your soul is saying" or "love will
>find those who look for it with the eyes of someone who is listening with
>their heart." That, and a mini-poster Julia gave her of a kitten dangling
>off a rope "Hang in there, baby!".
>(snip)
>
Thanks, Rob, just the horrendous high school flashback I needed ;)
However, you forgot the "Love Is...." cartoons that also were plastered
inside the lockers (ever try to scrape those babies off?).
Michelle, who knows that "Love Is..." more like an
"Akbar and Jeff" cartoon, and whose favorite saying is
"I used to be disgusted, but now I try to be amused"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
M. R. Martin "Dee dee DEE dee
Anchorage, Alaska Dee-EE dee dee dee"
email: mrh...@aonline.com TSST, R.E.M.
Ashley Lambert-Maberly
>of 1) AT&T commercials 2) random obituaries in the newspaper 3) roadkill
>4) mime 5) rainbows 6) any infant mammals 7) which goes double for bunnies
>8) any human interest story on the six o clock news 9) Sally Struthers
>[just in general] and 10) history teachers.
>Rob Hartmann
Let's take the Anita quiz!
Do I weep at:
AT&T commercials ... yes.
Random Obituaries ... no. Only particularly touching feature-article length
deaths.
Roadkill ... yes.
Mime ... no.
Rainbows ... no.
Any infant mammals ... no, unless they're dead.
Bunnies ... (see above)
Any human interest story ... no.
Sally Struthers--
--oh, come on, who *doesn't* weep at Sally Struthers? It's so horrible!
History teachers ... sorry, no.
Ashley "Only Three out of Ten--Not Bad!" Lambert-Maberly
Joan0328
>[Updater note: I think Amanda *should* be at the service. How do other
>RATSAfarians feel about this potentially sensitive issue?]
I dunno, Ashley. I wasn't permitted to go to my Great-Aunt Sonia's
funeral when I was 8. But I was expected to visit her on her deathbed and
I was forced to kiss her waxen cheek. Then I was encouraged to hold her
clawlike hand for a while bwfore I was sent out of the room and
downstairs, where everyone was waiting and eating. In retrospect, a nice,
clean service in a well lighted space would have been refreshing.
Tante Babe (until the Pig wins the Oscar)
CEO, SPERM
Society for the Prevention of Enmity toward
Repentant Moms
("Whether you're a Mother or Whether You're
a Lover, We're Stayin' Alive, Stayin' Alive")
AFAC Tad, Tad's Hangdog Expression
ILJC, Janet's Motherly Concern
Mary Grace Smith
>Let's take the Anita quiz!
>Do I weep at:
>AT&T commercials ... yes.
Yes, also the holiday Folgers Coffee one that has been running for
years now where the son comes home unexpectedly early on Christmas
morning before anyone is up.
No on all the rest.
Mary Grace in Big D
Janice Pearson
ck0...@uhura.cc.rochester.edu says...
>
>These kids are bearing up okay. It's only our whiny 'tender hearted'
Anita
>who breaks down. The pain of having a happy family! Oh! The agony!
This Anita seems to be the quintessential me-first 90s child. And that
doesn't make a lot of sense. The rest of the Santos family don't seem
to fit into this mould. Anita would make a fabulous addition to 90210
but on the whole, she strikes me as petulant and weak and whiney.
Ugh.
Janice
RATSA-AMC Pregnancy, Birth and Breastfeeding Advisor
francine goldberg
<Welcome to the Thursday update!
most excellent update deleted!
<
<Tim tells
<Trevor that Amanda went skating with Mrs. Willis, and Trevor's pleased she's
<there.
<
<[Updater note: I think Amanda *should* be at the service. How do other
<RATSAfarians feel about this potentially sensitive issue?]
<
<Ashley Lambert-Maberly
<(ash...@oldadm.ubc.ca)
I think with a child that young she *shouldn't* be at the funeral. I think
it would be too confusing for her. I was pleasantly surprised at how they
handled it.
When my grandmother died I was 8 (the first death of someone close to me) and
they *didn't* let me go. I never forgave my parents for that.
I'd have to say I think by the time the child is in second or third grade,
8-9 years old, they can handle it. Younger than that, I don't think they
need to be involved in the service, or worse yet, the burial.
In my religion, we normally don't have open caskets. When my other
grandfather died, I was 21. His wife, who was not of our faith, had a
wake and had him in an open casket. It was horrifying to my mother,
and really freaked me out too. And I was supposedly an adult! :-)
Just my thoughts! You _did_ ask, Ashley!
Francine
***************** fgol...@disc.dla.mil *********************
The Colby women ** Marion: Well, Dixie has something that you don't.
dish it out! ** Liza: A dead mother. How I envy her. 11/7/95
*******************************************************************************
Mike & Caroline Hardester
> >I dunno, Ashley. I wasn't permitted to go to my Great-Aunt Sonia's
> >funeral when I was 8. But I was expected to visit her on her deathbed and
> >I was forced to kiss her waxen cheek. Then I was encouraged to hold her
> >clawlike hand for a while bwfore I was sent out of the room and
Poor Tante Joan: I'm sorry you had to go through that. I watched "3
Faces of Eve" last week on the American Movie Channel and her split
personalities were caused by that exact thing! What a horrible thing
to do to a young child. Interestingly enough, in later stories about
split/multiple personalities, such as "Sybil" and "When Rabbit Howls",
the abuse is much more physical/sexual. I had never seen "3 Faces of
Eve" and was surprised to see that the cause of her problems was some-
thing fairly benign in comparison to what the women endured. But
different people react differently, and as a middle-aged person I still
have not touched a corpse and can't imagine being *forced* to.
Caroline Hardester
FAC Kelsey's Breasts
GGC Co-Chair