Mike: Weird experiment today, huh guys.
Tom: Yeah. How do these types of newsgroups get started?
Mike: Tom, no man can say. But if you could start up any newsgroup
you wanted, what would it be?
Tom: Oh! I'd like alt.mentos.die.die.die!
Crow: Rec.arts.spec.scripts!
Tom: Alt.sex.fetish.pants.pants.pants!
Crow: Alt.fan.crow!
Tom: Alt.die.for.tom.servo.
Crow: Alt.worship.at.feet.crow.
Tom: Alt.tom.is.the.one.true.god.and.dont.you.forget.it.
Mike: Stop it! You guys are missing the whole point!
Crow: Rec.arts.mike.is.a.dink.
Tom: Misc.nelson.has.no.life.
Mike: Hey you guys--[lights flash]--we've got Usenet sign!
[6...5...4...3...2...1...]
Mike: [entering] Very funny you guys. Remind me to remove your
free will subroutine sometime.
>From: blck...@pentagon.io.com (Lt. Blacktail)
>Newsgroups: alt.devilbunnies
>Subject: Oregon Penetration: Blacktail
>Date: 26 Apr 1995 19:23:00 -0500
>Organization: Illuminati Online
Tom: Coming to a conspiracy near you!
>Message-ID: <3nmo54$f...@pentagon.io.com>
>
>Blacktail pegged the pedal to the floor.
Crow: What do devilbunnies drive?
Mike: Oh, I don't know. Maybe Voltswagon Rabbits?
> The Cavalier jerked out
>into the oncoming lane and bolted around the blue ford pickup.
>As they passed the truck, Annette made sure to point out to the
>old man behind the wheel that he was going very slow.
Crow: [dumb laugh] Heh, heh, read between the lines, old man.
> And so
>went most of the trip. As they neared Oregon, Blacktail flipped
>the radio on.
Mike: This plot specific message just in.
>
> "...rby Broxton the death count rises. The Local Agents
>there have been quoted as saying, 'The virus mainly affects
>rabbits. For this reason the isolation of the infected area is
>necessary
Tom: We are spraying the infected area with Cruex.
> to ensure that the virus does not spread to the
>surrounding states.' Further bulletins will be announced as news
>arrives. And now for 200 minutes of pure music on Coast 101.5.
>[the Cranberries' Zombie begins playing.]"
>
> Blacktail smiled, "Probably all FUDD propaganda.
Crow: The Cranberries are so right wing militaristic.
> But we've
>got to get inside that area. There is information in there. I
>can smell it. One good thing, they're trying to keep rabbits in
>so it's my guess that they won't stop them from going inside.
Mike: So Oregon is a giant Rabbit Motel?
Tom: Rabbits check in, but they don't check out.
>That's if my Imager Scrambler doesn't work."
>
> Annette broke in, "Imager Scrambler?" She looked at him with
>quizzical eyes.
>
> "Yes, it causes a power spike in the FUDDs' Cuteness Imagers.
Tom: It's just beginning to dawn on me how stupid all of this
really is.
>They'll think something is wrong with the gear. Basically it
>overloads the imager until I'm out of range, problem is it was
>very experimental and it doesn't work all the time."
Crow: And it runs on the warm blood of freshly killed raccoons.
>
> Annette nodded. Up ahead the road stretched on and in the
>distance it climbed a small hill. On that road, heading out of
>Oregon, was a line of cars, each one stopping at the checkpoint
All: DO YOU HAVE ANY FRUIT TO DECLARE?
>that came into view. Blacktail slowed the Cavalier down. From
>inside his Morpharmour he activated a nanite routine that began
>churning out a electromagnetic pulse that fizzled every high-tech
>device within a quarter mile.
Mike: [Blacktail] Urgh! My pacemaker!
>
> Slowly they approached the checkpoint, Blacktail acted casual
>as if he had every right to be a human behind the wheel of a car
>about to enter oregon. Annette just shifted nervously in her
>seat and fingered the trigger of her sidearm.
Tom: [singing, falsetto] Happiness is a warm gun.
>
> Ahead of them was the checkpoint. A makeshift fence system
>extended off the road a bit. Straddling the center line of the
>road was a Hummer. Interesting,
Crow: That's what this post needs to be!
> this one had a high power 20mm
>gun strapped to the roof. Enough firepower to take out a car one
>mile away. Blacktail grinned.
Tom: Heh, heh, gun. Heh, heh, death. Cool.
> Near the Hummer a man in a grey
>jumpsuit was fiddling with a Cuteness Imager, repeatedly banging
>the side of the machine.
Crow: Stuff usually works better if you smash it first.
>
> From inside the vehicle the Morpharmour allowed Blacktail to
>hear him speaking with another man. "Joe, yeah, the damned thing
>just leapt off the scale.
Mike: It keeps saying that I'm "hot stuff."
> We got peaks forming everywhere.
>Hells the damned thing says there's a whole warren right
>underneath yer feet!"
Mike: Robert Penn Warren?
Crow: Earl Warren?
Tom: Warren G?
>
> "The radio's on the fritz too, Mike, must be interference
>from somewhere. Just halt the outgoings, can't allow anything
>past."
>
> The man called Joe looked to Blacktail and Annette's car.
Mike: Look to this car, young graduate.
>"Whaddabout them?"
>
> Mike smiled, "Hell's if they're DB's and they want in here,
>more power to 'em!"
>
> Joe smiled and waved the Cavalier forward. Quick questions
>were asked,
Crow: Whatsthecapitalofmontanawhatstheaccerationduetogravityin
meterspersecondwhowasthesecondprimeministerofengland?
> where they were going. Their Business in the
>Infected Zone. When they would be leaving. Blacktail lied. A
>lot. Jow waved them on, wishing them a nice day.
Mike: You folks enjoy the Holocaust now, ya hear?
>
> The drove by and Annette watched as they passed the Hummer,
>"Big gun."
Tom: [dumb falsetto] Ooooh, big gun.
> She paused as they drove and spoke once they were out
>of distance. "On the side of the Hummer,
Mike: There hung a claw.
> there was a shield, and
>it wasn't the Department of Agriculture's. It was mostly covered
>by dirt but I got the word SecStar from it. Mean anything?"
Crow: In this post? Don't kid me.
>
> Blacktail shook his head, "Probably not, but I can take a
>look once we find a place to stay."
>
> Annette nodded and they drove on. Little did they know
Crow: Ain't that the truth.
> but
>they had passed through a wall that no bun had crossed since the
>whole ordeal began. It wasn't going to be easy to get out.
Mike: Because they had forgotten their passports.
>
>TBC-
>--
>"In heaven is divine, on earth do sinners rest | Blacktail &
> Truffles.VSPP
> so say the wise men, the mad men, the dead. | written by:
Tom: A college student loopy on Mountain Dew and Elmer's Glue.
> About the storm we find the fever, | Jason
> Kokosinski
> in her heart we find salvation." - JMK | blck...@io.com
>From: at...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Tammy Sue Heming)
>Reply-To: at...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Tammy Sue Heming)
>Newsgroups: alt.devilbunnies
>Subject: DenverWarren: To Skin A Cat I
>Date: Fri, 28 Apr 1995 00:21:39 GMT
>Organization: The National Capital FreeNet
>Message-ID: <D7pyC...@freenet.carleton.ca>
>
>Easter wrote:
>
>> Then she remembered Istari Silver
Crow: Mithril.
> and what his message to
>>her. Of course. If FluffyTeacher wouldn't allow her to use
>>Denverwarren, there was a whole warren out there,
Tom: Look out warren! Here I come!
> abandonded.
>>The Oklahoma system was old, but it could be made to work.
>> But first...
Mike: A word from our sponsor.
>> "This is Easter IronYears! Can I please talk to
>>FluffyTeacher?"
Mike: I don't know. *Can* you?
Tom: I mean, *may* I talk with FluffyTeacher?
>
>FluffyTeacher groaned when the intercom went off again. "What is
>it *this* time?" [annoyedfluff]
Crow: You know, the stage directions make this post for me.
>
>"Easter has sent another request to see you, this is the fifth
>one."
>
>FluffyTeacher sighed. Between having to clean the kitchen after
>Kyrie and Saffron's "accident",
Tom: The shameful "pancake batter" incident.
> getting the Eleison's settled
Mike: Wait. Kyrie--Eleison. It's Catholic humor. Ha.
Tom: [singing] But the music of our singing, and the music of the
ringing, when we were singing Kyrie Eleison, Kyrie Eleison...
>into their new home, worrying about Danny and Dannielle at NoCo,
>taking Alex to specialists to find out why he still wasn't
>talking,
Mike: Perhaps that trowel embedded in his head is the problem.
Tom: Or that thalidomide pacifier they gave him as a child.
Crow: Don't discount the possibility that he's just plain stupid.
> and getting Al ready for mentat training, she had
>completely forgotten about Easter
Mike: [grumbling] Great. I've got to get some candy, pick up that
dyeing kit and some eggs, oh, and send out the cards...
> and Stephan.
>
>"Tell Easter I'll see her in my office in ten minutes." That
>should give herself enough time to get the kits to bed.
>
>[ten minutes later]
Crow: Wow! She's so punctual!
Tom: Today class, we learn "compression of time."
>
>Easter entered FluffyTeacher's office escorted by guards, a very
>frazzled FluffyTeacher was waiting for her.
>
>"What do you need to see me about Easter?"
Mike: It's this Jesus character. He's interfering with our candy
sales.
> FluffyTeacher got
>right down to business.
>
>Easter fluffed uncertainly. "I thank you for your hospitality,
Crow: [FluffyTeacher] Thanks. NOW GET OUT!
>but I fear that my continued stay here would endanger your
>warren. I...cannot do that.
>
>"As you know, an old, er, 'acquaintance' of mine has been
>threatening me and has already attacked the Old Warren. I'm
>going to try to stop him.
Crow: There can be only one!
>
>"I need a much bigger system than my portable. There's an
>abandoned warren in Oklahoma that I can use..."
>
>Easter sighed. "I need a bunnymover to get there.
Mike: Why don't you just call U-haul?
> And... if you
>wouldn't mind, I'd really appreciate some company for the ride."
>
>FluffyTeacher looked at all the work on her desk. She still had
>five kits to raise. She had a warren to run.
Mike: [singing] There is work to be done, to be done, there's a
warren to be run, to be run, come you son of a son of a bun...
> "I really need a
>vacation." she [fluffsighed] "Besides, if Oklahoma *is*
>abandoned, I can see if it's suitable for Derik to establish
>himself in. That kit has already fathered two litters, with
>another one on the way!"
Tom: Geez, they're breeding like...forget I said anything.
> FluffyTeacher then turned serious.
>"There is just one problem, what am I suppose to do with Stephan?
Crow: Leopold brought this drunk home last night.
>I'm not leaving a Fudd in my warren while I'm not here."
>
>FluffyTeacher and Easter IronYears!
>I'm a grandmother already?!?! >;)
Crow: #(:)o
>TBC
>
>@}---`---,--- \
>ftea...@denverwarren.edu \ /\
>Bringing the next generation to Cuteness ( )
>I'm a good doe, HONEST!!!! [fluffypout] _( * )_
Crow: Tell me about the rabbit sig again, George.
Tom: Come on, let's get out of here.
[1...2...3...4...5...6...]
Mike: That was a surreal experiment. Demon rabbits trying to take
over the world. Where do people come up with these things?
Crow: Maybe they were exposed to large amounts of Watership Down
when they were children?
Tom: There's that childhood obsession with fuzzy footed pajamas.
Crow: Maybe they had some sort of trauma involving Night of the
Lepus?
Mike: The world may never know. What do you think, sir?
[Deep 13. Dr. F. is in a pink rabbit costume holding a stuffed
doll of Roger Rabbit.]
Dr. F: Mummy, what do you mean there's no Easter Bunny? Mummy?
Mummy? Tell me about the rabbits, George.
\ | /
\|/
---0---
/|\
/ | \
fwshhhh
Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters, situations, and
merchandise are copyright 1994 Best Brains, Inc. This MSTing is
not authorized, endorsed, or supported by anyone. It is not
intended as an attack on anyone's beliefs. This article may be
freely distributed as long as this notice remains intact.
MiSTed by Chris Mayfield, camf...@iastate.edu
>What the fluffyhell was this?