[The Christmas decorations are still up. A stack of rocks are to the
right of
the screen, and we hear the sound of Crow busy building something. Mike
enters
from the right and trips over one of the rocks.]
Mike: Ow! What the- Crow, what're you doing?
[Crow jumps up from underneath the counter.]
Crow: Oh, hi Mike! I'm building this chimney for Santa! I just
realized that
we don't have one, and Santa won't come visit us unless I build one!
Mike: But Crow, don't you remember when you tried to tunnel your way
back to
earth?
Crow: So?
Mike: You almost destroyed us all! The vacuum of space will suck us
all
through the chimney! Besides, Santa won't visit us because he'll be an
icky
ball of stuff when he leaves the earth's atmosphere.
Crow: You don't know anything, Mike! Santa can survive anything. He's
magic.
Anyway, hand me that trough over there, I'm almost done with the base.
Mike: Crow, we don't need a chimney anyway! We've got the temperature
controlled up here so we're always comfortable.
Crow: Well, then where are we going to hang the socks? How's Santa
going to
get in?
[Tom enters with a key in one of his hands.]
Tom: With this!
Crow: What's that?
Tom: It's the Santa Key(TM)! We just hang this on the doorstop, and
when
Santa arrives, he'll use the key to get in. It's a nifty skeleton key.
Mike: Where'd you get that, Tom?
Tom: At a rather nice place.
Mike: Really?
Tom: Okay! I admit it! I got it at one of those cheap christmas
shows!
But that won't stop me! Santa's going to use this key to get in!
Mike: Tom, honey, we don't have a doorstop.
Tom: No doorstop?
Crow: No chimney?
T&C: NOOOOOOO!!
Tom: He's not coming!
Crow: Help! Santa's not going to be able to get in!
[Lights flash. Cambot shakes around. Panic ensues.]
All: WE'VE GOT SANTA SIGN!
<*...6...5...4...3...2...1...@>
[Mike enteres carrying Tom, followed by Crow. They take their seats.]
Crow: *sniff* I'll get over it guys, don't worry.
> Jaina and Zeblis had dropped Tenel Ka and Jacen off at the Coruscant
> space port, they can get a ride back home or where ever they wanted to
> go.
Crow: What??
Tom: I think somehow, the narrator just shifted into someone's
thoughts.
> Jaina had made Jacen pinkie swear that he wouldn't tell Mom, Dad, or
> ESPECIALLY Uncle Luke where she was.
Mike: That's great, hiding secrets from a Jedi Knight is like trying to
hide a keyboard from this author.
> They were on their way to go back
> to Zeblis house but Jaina couldn't wait she was to excited. This was the
> first time they would make love to each other and she wanted it to be
> just right.
Tom: Hello, Author person? We could really use age-verification right
now!
Mike: I don't *wanna* know, Tom!
> "Get up and out of atmosphere." Jaina spoke.
> "I thought we were going to go back to my crib and test your
> Christmas gift" Zeblis said.
Crow: So he got her an EPT test? She could really use it!
> "Change of plans" Jaina said calmly.
> "I want my nookie." Zeblis started to whine.
Mike: Awww, he's regressing! He wants his teddy.
> "Just do what I say. GOD, you sound just like my uncle."Jaina said,
> frustrated.
Mike: [Loud Voice] Hello, this is GOD. I wish to inform you that I am
not in this story,
due to legal limitations. Please refrain from furthur use of my name in
this story, or you
will be hearing from my lawyer, Saint Peter.
> "Okay, fine, but if I start talking to Coruscant Space Traffic Control,
> they're going to think I stole the Falcon." Zeblis objected.
Tom: That would make more sense.
> "Don't worry! The Falcon can leave the planet anytime, trust me.
> Space Traffic Control won't say a word. They're going to think the great
> Han Solo is flying, and my dad gets pissed if anyone tells him when he can
> and can't leave." Jaina contradicted Zeblis.
Crow: [Jaina] Yeah, like that time they stopped him and asked for some
ID, he flashed his belt
buckle at them and then beat them over the head with his shotgun. It
was *so* funny.
> "Okay, okay, that's what I get for dating bossy chicks. Like daughter
> like mother." Zeblis mumbled under his breath.
> "What was that?"Jaina questioned.
Mike: [Jaina] What do you know about my mother?
> "Nothing, I was just...."
> "Just what?"
Tom: Jeez, give her some room to speak!
> "Just thinking how smart you are to know all that." Zeblis lied.
Crow: She filled her entire cranium with that previous paragraph of
knowledge!
> "Well I try." Jaina blushed. She leaned over in her chair and gave him
> a soft kiss on the cheek and started to get up.
Mike: [Jaina] Heh, if I can just make it to the door without any sudden
moves, I might be able
to make it.
> "Wait, where are you going?" Zeblis asked. Jaina responded now
> from the cabin door in the most sexy voice she had.
Crow: [Jaina] Ever seen the movie "Fearless"?
> "I have to go change and get ready so I can punish a bad little boy
> who needs a good spanking."
Tom: Yes, you must give us all a good spanking!
> "Hooo-Ha" yelled Zeblis excitedly.
Mike: What the author failed to tell us, was that Zeblis was from
Texas.
> Now that he was alone in the quietness of outer space Zeblis put the
> the ship in auto pilot. He was so giddy that he started singing.
Tom: [To the Star Wars tune] Corn chips! Nothing but corn chips!
Nothing
but corn chips for everyone!
> "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts!
> I'm too sexy for my hat, too sexy for my hat, whatcha think about that?!?!?"
Crow: Mike, are we being punished?
Mike: Most likely, Crow.
> The cabin door opened. Zeblis stopped his singing immediately.
Tom: [Narrator] He saw a monster from an H.R. Giger picture standing
in the doorway.
> "Hey big boy are you ready for me?" Jaina asked sweetly. She was
> wearing the most revealing outfit Zeblis ever saw. Of course it was the
> most revealing out fit he had ever seen her wear. She was wearing
> absolutely nothing!
Tom: Does this mean Zeblis is a virgin?
Crow: You know, it makes sense! No wonder he was so eager!
Mike: Okay you two, I think you've seen enough!
[Mike covers both Tom and Crow's eyes.]
> "Wow Jaina, you're nakey!" Zeblis said, voice cracking.
Mike: Nakey? Please, God, tell me that's a typo.
Crow: Nakey??? What're you talking about, Mike?
> "Thanks for noticing" Jaina said in a slightly sarcastic voice.
> "Any time Jainy." Zeblis said boyishly. "Oh, by the way, did you hear
> any singing?"
Mike: Who couldn't??
Crow: What's going on, Mike?
Tom: Yeah, Mike! What's the deal?
Mike: Not yet, you two.
> "What kind of singing?"Jaina questioned him. "And why are you
> blushing?"
> "I am not blushing! I just have very rosy cheeks."Zeblis quickly
> objected.
Mike: Just try slugging me once, you'll see!
> Before Zeblis started to argue with her she answered his question.
> "No, I didn't hear any singing, especially songs by Right Said
> Fred."
Mike: Who in the world is "Right Said Fred"?
Crow: C'mon, Mike! Drop your hand now!
Mike: Not yet, Crow.
> Jaina finished her sentence sitting down in the co-pilots chair.
> Jaina thought about how weird and cold the artificial wampa seat cover
> felt against her bare butt.
[Mike starts shaking his head.]
Mike: This is it. I have to keep my sanity, and protect the innocence
of my bots! *sob* Help! Somebody! Anybody!
Tom: Maybe I don't want to know . . .
> When Jaina was done sorting out her thoughts she looked over at
> Zeblis. His cheeks were a dark scarlet color. Jaina couldn't help but
> giggle a little. She thought a man singing about how sexy he is was pretty
> stupid and conceited. It was bold, very bold, but then again she liked that
> in a man.
Mike: She likes guys who care more about themselves than her?
> "You have a great voice for singing." Jaina said, not only trying to
> cheer him up but also trying not to start laughing in his face.
Mike: [Zeblis] I thought you didn't hear me singing.
> "You think so." Zeblis said in a voice that let her know that he was
> taking this situation too seriously.
Mike: I don't think there's anywhere else to take it!
Tom: Take what, Mike?
Mike: Um, her laundry!
> "Let me take all your worries off your mind, Zeblis." Jaina said
> again in her sexy voice.
> "Really, Jainy...you would make purple Kool Aid for me?"
Mike: The hell? Purple Kool Aid??? Where'd that come from??
Crow: You know, I could go for some Kool Aid right now, I'll be back.
Mike: You can't go anywhere, Crow. The door's not open!
> "Yes...wait...no... what the hell did you just say?"
Mike: My sentiments exactly.
> "I said you would make purple Kool...ah...I said...I said...have
> your way with me, just no rough stuff!!!"
Mike: [Zeblis] Just take off your boots and spurs!
> "That's more like it then." Jaina said getting up from her chair
> and getting into the straddle position. She immediately started nibbling
> on his ear.
[Mike uncovers the bots eyes and starts holding his head in his hands,
quietly sobbing to
himself.]
> "Ummmmm that feels great Jainy!" Zeblis moaned.
Crow: AHHH! NO!
Tom: I'm going to be sick!
> "Oh yea" Jaina mumbled. While unbuttoning his shirt, she remembered
> Han's one rule about the kids using the Falcon. "Before we get started, if
> we get one stain on my dad's chair he is going to slaughter both of us."
Tom: Quick, Airsick bag, NOW!
Mike: Oh my God! [He quickly reaches back and covers the bots eyes.]
Crow: HOW COULD YOU, MIKE??
> "Uh oh." Zeblis said apprehensively.
> "What do you mean uh oh?"Jaina said, continuing with her seductive
> act.
Mike: I think I just felt a kick right here!
Tom: Have you no decency, MIKE?!
Crow: I'm scarred for life!
Mike: Quiet down, you two. There's a lot worse things going on than
you saw in that second.
> "Well, when you said get started, I already went."
Mike: Oh no.
> "You already went?!" Jaina said, coming to a complete stop. "I can't
> believe you already went! I didn't even get a chance to take off your pants,
[Mike starts trembling again.]
Mike: Need . . . help . . . somebody . . . help . . . now. Must keep
bots pure.
> you stupid bast-" Jaina's ranting was interrupted by a loud beeping from
> the Falcon. "Now what the FUCK is that noise?!" Jaina exclaimed.
Mike: It's the censors calling.
> "That's the ship's sensors.
Mike: See?
> Some ship is right in front of us." Zeblis
> said, after recovering from his humiliation.
Crow: Is it ok yet, Mike?
Mike: I think so, they stopped having sex, and got interrupted by a
ship.
[Mike uncovers the bots eyes.]
> "That vessel looks just like the Jade's Fire, but I don't see Mara."
Tom: And I don't wanna any-Mara this story!
> Jaina remarked. "Who is that strange naked guy in the front?"
Crow: Oh my-MIKE!
Mike: Uh-oh.
[Mike covers the bots eyes again.]
Crow: I can't believe you!
> It took
> Jaina about six parsecs to realize that she was naked and some strange
> guy was looking at her through the cockpit.
Mike: He's a voyeur! It's the sci-fi version of "Rear Window"!
> "Ohmigod!!!!!" Jaina screamed as she ran out the cabin door. The man
> next looked over at Zeblis and gave him two thumbs up.
Mike: Are they being hailed by Roger Ebert?
> All Zeblis could
> think to do was wave back and cover up with his shirt the spot on his
> pants which was already as stiff as a board.
Mike: He must be wearing Lee Dungarees!
Crow: Buddy Lee tested!
> Jaina came back and said, "Well, Zeblis, I guess it's too risky to do
> anything out here. Come on. We have to get back to my parents house.
> Their party is starting soon."
Mike: That's it? They're not going to find out who it was?? Our Plot
cul-de-sac has ended
uneventfully.
> Zeblis and Jaina put their clothes back on and flew the Falcon back
> to the house.
Mike: Okay, that's it. You guys can look now.
Crow: Don't you even DARE drop your hands!
Tom: Yeah, Mike! We can't trust you anymore!
Mike: C'mon, you guys! The scene just ended, see?
[Mike drops his hands.]
> * * * *
Crow: Yay! Stars! Does this mean it's over?
Mike: Not by a long shot.
Tom: I'm sorry we didn't trust you, Mike.
Mike: Forget it.
Crow: What happened there, Mike?
Mike: They ran into a nudist colony, I believe.
Tom: So far, I'm willing to believe that anything in this fanfic can
happen.
> It was only an hour until the Christmas party started. Tenel Ka and
> Zeblis had brought along clothes to wear. Jacen and Jaina were changed
> into their dress clothes.
Mike: Wow, someone's wearing clothes?
> Jaina wore a burgundy velvet dress with long
> sleeves, a tight top, and a flared skirt. Jacen and Zeblis both wore suits,
> and Tenel Ka wore an attractive dress with a lizard-skin top and a crepe
> skirt. Anakin was wearing a miniature suit with a colostomy bag to catch
> his frothy diarrhea.
Crow: Oh yuck!
Mike: [Narrator] It was a typical evening for the Solo children.
> Leia came down the stairs. She said, "All you kids look so good! She
> was wearing an ankle-length red sequined ball gown with spaghetti
> straps and a slit up the side. Her hair was up and curled down her back
> with sparkling red icicles -shimmering strands of foil- in it.
Tom: For those of you who have no clue what "icicles" are.
> Luke walked in. He was wearing his OshKosh B'Gosh suit.
Mike: What the- Actually, that's an improvement over what he wore in
the movie!
> "Gosh,
> Leia...you look so sexy in that dress. Doesn't Han have a problem with that?"
Tom: [Leia] I have no clue, he's still in the bar with Boba Fett
drinking a beer. They're laughing about old injuries.
> "Hell no!" Han said. "Even after three children I still have the
> sexiest wife in the galaxy!" They started kissing, and all the kids started
> making puking noises and pretending to spew. Anakin had frothy diarrhea.
Mike: Well, at least we're not pretending to vomit!
> Callista came in from the kitchen. She had accentuated Cray's tall,
> hourglass blonde body with a sexy strapless silver lamŽ dress.
Crow: Who's Cray?
Tom: Yeah, and where did that "Ž" come from?
[They look at Mike.]
Mike: Don't ask me! I have no clue!
> Her
> cleavage was in full view.
Crow: Breasts!
> The dress fell to just below midthigh, and
> she was wearing silver heels. She had styled her hair with silver icicles
> and her normally makeup-free face had a soft shimmer.
Mike: Wow, that actually wasn't a bad description!
> Luke got all horny
> just looking at her. He moved behind a chair to hide his stiffy. So did
> Jacen and Zeblis.
Mike: . . . that was quickly shot down by a couple of stupid sentances.
> "Wow, Callista...that's one HELL of a dress!" said Han. Leia smacked
> him on the arm.
Tom: [Leia] Go hide behind a chair!
> Luke was standing there opening and closing his mouth
> like a fish out of water.
Crow: Blubber might be a good name for Luke.
> The first guests from the party started arriving. Figrin Dan and the
> Modal Nodes had arrived and were setting up in the ballroom.
Tom: Who??
Mike: The band from Mos Eisley.
Tom: Oh, you mean the Fish band?
Mike: Yeah, them.
> Winter and
> Ackbar arrived looking sharp. Dodonna and Madine arrived next, with their
> dates in tow. Hobbie and Wedge walked in with dates and a bottle of
> wine. Chad Hilse came in with his longtime girlfriend. Bel Eblis, Torg,
Tom & Crow: It's Torgo!
Tom: Wow, he certainly does get around!
Crow: Yeah, I guess that whole "Master" thing didn't work out too well
for him.
> Willard, Zrambas, Lajaie, Hudsol, and Corran Horn arrived in a steady
> stream, each with a female X-Wing pilot as a date. Mon Mothma arrived
> with a Corellian she had met after her retirement from the Senate.
Mike: Wow, the only people I even remotely recognize are Ackbar, Mon
Mothma, and Wedge.
> Teneniel and Isolder arrived next.
Crow: What is this, "Make Up New Characters" day?
Mike: Oooh! I'd like to create "Star Wars Fanfic Terminator"! You
see, he destroys lame
fanfics, such as this one, and-
Tom: Dream on, Mike!
> Every woman's head turned as
> Isolder walked by.
Crow: [Woman] Um, Isoldar, barn door, XYZ-oh, forget it!
> The two went to greet Tenel Ka.
> Mara Jade was the next to arrive. She wore her flaming red hair
> down and was dressed in a skintight green lamŽ dress. At her side was
> Davin Felth, the famous exiled stormtrooper.
Tom: Wow, I think that's the deepest background we've gotten on any
character so far.
> "Leia, Callista, hello! You two look stunning. Do you know Davin
> Felth? We met on Tatooine, when I was...on a mission." Mara said.
Mike: Whoa, Background overload! Too much information!
> "Yes, we've met Davin... many years ago on Tatooine.
Crow: When'd they go to Tatooine?
Mike: Crow, quit asking questions. We're stuck with a Fanfic author
who's read nearly every
Star Wars novel there is.
> And thank you,
> Mara. You two both look great." Leia said.
> "May I say," added Davin, "that you, Leia, have a very pretty
> daughter. She looks just like you."
Tom: [Mara] But they don't look anything like Han, hmm . . .
> "Thanks, Davin..." Leia said, confused. Where would Davin Felth have
> seen Jaina? she wondered.
Crow: [Davin] She's over there, putting on a show for everyone.
> Luke looked out the window. He saw someone whom he hadn't seen in
> a long time: Gaerial Captison. He pulled Callista away from the door for a
> few minutes.
Mike: Okay, another Star Wars novel reference, it seems.
> Gaerial came in, wearing a gold dress with a sequined top and a
> short, tight bottom. Over Callista's shoulder, Luke saw her and thought
> that she looked even more beautiful than he remembered. Leia greeted
> Gaeriel and her date, a former Bakuran senator.
Tom: Wow, no name this time. I'm shocked!
> Callista and Leia saw Dash and Lando coming up the front walkway.
> They were the last guests to arrive.
Crow: Uh oh, Mike! I'm starting to infer things from this story that
are very subtle! HELP!
Mike: No Crow! Stop inferring! Neither of them are how you think!
> Leia turned to Callista with a
> desperate look on her face.
Crow: Not gonna say a word!
> "Dammit, Callista...I really abhor Dash.
Mike: Gee, the author just used a vocabulary word!
> I'm sure he's going to do
> something to embarrass me and ruin my party."
Tom: I think it was ruined the moment they decided to have a party!
> Leia said.
> "Look, Leia...I don't always approve of everything Luke does, but in
> every relationship you have to make some compromises.
Crow: [Callista] Like me for instance, I managed to talk Luke into
putting his lightsaber
up at night, instead of sleeping with it.
> Just try and be
> polite, and maybe Dash will just leave you alone."
Mike: I think we've just been given the Christmas Message.
> Callista replied
> optimistically.
> Dash and Lando came in the door. Lando had on his customary cape
> and suit with bell-bottoms, and Dash was wearing a trench coat.
Tom: Wow, someone's actually wearing clothes! This is amazing! A new
breakthrough for
this story!
> "Well hello ladies! How are my favorite fly honeys doing tonight?"
> said Lando, kissing Leia and Callista's hands.
Mike: [Lando] Uh oh, I fink I caht my toof on yo ring, Leia.
> "We're doing great, Lando. Can I take your coats?" asked Leia, for
> the moment relieved.
Crow: NO! My God, I just got really bad vibes!
> Lando handed Leia his cape. Dash said, "Santa Claus is here, baby!"
> and threw off his trench only to reveal a red g-string with a bell on it
> Leia screamed.
Tom: Mind if we join in?
[They all start screaming and panicking. Crow rushes for the door, Mike
shields his eyes, and
Tom starts vomiting and faints. Crow bangs his head against the wall
and passes out. Mike
rushes to aid him.]
Mike: Crow! Wake up!
[Crow doesn't move a muscle. Mike moves over to Tom.]
Mike: Tom, buddy! Somebody, speak to me!
[Gypsy enters.]
Gypsy: What's wrong, Mike? I heard a bunch of screaming.
Mike: I think this fanfic just killed Tom and Crow.
Gypsy: Here, this should do it.
[A giant zap of electricity fills the room.]
Tom: Whoa! I'm back!
Crow: Mike, I had this horrible dream that this giant Torgo had come to
take me away, and it
was really awful, and none of you were there!
Mike: Thanks, Gyps!
Gypsy: No problem, Mike!
Mike: Now, let's settle down, you guys.
> Figrin Dan and the Modal Nodes stopped, midsong. The
> entire party screeched to a halt and the room was dead silent. Leia
> slapped Dash and ran upstairs. Han followed suit, giving Dash a dirty look.
Crow: [Han] I'll smack you later.
>
> * * * *
> Upstairs, Leia was screaming at Han.
Tom: [Leia] I thought *YOU* were supposed to wear the Sexy Santa
outfit!
> "Han, I knew this was going to happen! I knew it!!!" Leia shrieked,
> furious. "Every time Dash Rendar comes to our house, he makes a scene.
> He's probably downstairs getting piss-drunk and hitting on all the
> women.
Mike: [Han] And I'd be down there doing the same thing too!
> This is SO EMBARRASSING, Han. Go get that son of a bitch and
> make him put on some clothes!!!!!"
Crow: Yes, make everyone put on clothes!
> Han, defeated, went downstairs to get Dash. When he arrived, Dash
> had put on his trench again. Mara and two other women stopped Han and
> said, "Han, tell Leia that was great! Dash stripping...I never would have
> guessed it!"
Tom: [Mara] And that slapping, magnificent!
> Han took Dash upstairs and got one of his suits for Dash to wear.
> While Dash was changing, Han took Leia aside.
> "The women downstairs thought that Dash was part of the
> entertainment... a stripper, if you will. So they didn't even realize that it
> was totally unplanned!" Han said.
Mike: [Han] They also said that the punch tasted kind of funny too.
> Leia breathed a sigh of relief. Dash came out of the bathroom in the
> new suit, and Leia would have almost dared to say he looked pretty
> dapper.
Crow: [French Person] You dappy english K-niggit!
> The three returned to the party downstairs.
Mike: And on that note, let's return to our little party. C'mon, you
guys.
[Mike picks up Tom and leaves the theater, followed by Crow.]
<@...1...2...3...4...5...6...*>
[The Perfect Christmas Tree(TM) is sitting on the table. A couple of
presents
are underneath it. The gang enters from the left.]
Mike: See, guys? I put all our presents underneath the tree.
Crow: But you're not Santa!
Mike: I know that. Don't worry, Santa will be here guys. In the
meantime,
let's open some of our presents. Tom, you go first.
Tom: Okay. [He pauses for a moment.] Ahem.
Mike: Oh, right. The arms. Here, I'll open them for you.
[Mike grabs one of the presents.]
Mike: Okay, "To Tom, From Mike and Crow". [He tears off the wrapping.]
See that?
Tom: Why, it's a whole pair of new boxers for my underwear
collection! Show the folks at home, Mike. [Mike holds up each boxer.]
Wow, a "Do not open until Christmas one", heh heh. A little Smiley face
with a tongue sticking out. Wow, Joe Namath sling shot netted briefs.
Um, I'm touched guys.
Crow: Well, Mike wanted to get the Joe Namoth ones. Mine next, Mike!
Mike: Okay.
[Mike grabs another present and opens it.]
Crow: Awww, a Debbie action doll! It speaks over five thousand
different sayings! Go ahead, push her button, Mike. There's a first
time for everything, heh heh.
Mike: Well, oka- Hey!
[Mike pushes down on Debby's back.]
Debby: This door's locked, move on to the next one.
Crow: What the- try it again.
Debby: Set for stun!
Tom: Oh my God! They switched the voice packs with Stormtroopers!
Crow: I'm touched, you guys. Really, I am! I just hate to think of
what the Stormtroopers are saying right now.
Tom: Open yours now, Mike!
Mike: Well, okay, but if it's a Sexy Santa Suit, you're both dead.
[Mike grabs a rather small package underneath the tree and opens it.]
Mike: Why, it's a photograph of you two . . . with my ex-girlfriend . .
. in Wisconsin . . . in one of those small photobooths.
Crow: Yeah, we decided to use the time machine to go back and bring
back a little of earth for you for Christmas. Hope you like it.
Tom: Yanno, it's rather tough to find a photobooth for only a buck.
Crow: Shhhh, quiet Tom!
Mike: Wait, what about Gypsy?
Crow: Don't worry Mike, we took care of her present.
Tom: Hey Gypsy! Come on in!
Gypsy: [OS] Hold on a moment.
Mike: So, what'd you guys get her?
Tom: Oh, you'll see.
[Gypsy enters with a chef's hat on.]
Gypsy: What is it, guys? I'm trying to prepare tonight's Christmas
Dinner!
Crow: Don't you want to see what your Christmas present is?
Gypsy: Christmas present? You guys got me a Christmas present??
Tom: Well, yeah!
Gypsy: Oh my, I'm so embarassed! I didn't get you anything!
Crow: Oh, don't worry Gyps, you already do enough for us by running the
ship!
Tom: Mike, go ahead and open her present!
Mike: Ah, okay.
[Mike tears off the wrapping paper and reveals a record.]
Gypsy: It's a "Richard Basehart Sings the Classics" record! Oh guys,
this is so beautiful! I can't begin to thank you!
Mike: Here ya go, Gyps.
[Mike places part of the record in Gypsy's mouth.]
Gypsy: [Muffled] Fank you guys!
[She exits the screen.]
Mike: You guys know that she'll never stop playing that record, right?
Tom: Of course, but remember, her room is right next to yours, heh
heh.
[Lights flash, panic begins, chaos ensues!]
All: Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! We've got Christmas.Sign!