MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 3 [ 1 / 1 ]

[Joseph Nebus]

> III

TOM: Chapter One, Part TWo, Part Two

>
> MASTER ROBIN'S LESSON

CROW: [ As Robin ] 'Always --- I mean never --- I mean don't avoid --- I mean make sure not to miss --- '

>
> When young Master Robin heard the strange voice that
> sounded so grumpy and so near him he was terribly frightened.

JOEL: Grumpy Bear?
TOM: Oh no, we got Care Bears staring at us.

> He forgot that he thought himself grown up, and very wise,

CROW: Wise people are never cornered by the grumpy!

> and quite able to go about alone. He didn't even look to see
> who was speaking,

JOEL: Robin sounds ill-mannered.

> but fell backwards off the limb of the
> apple tree.

TOM: Hit every iPod on the way down.
CROW: [ As Robin ] 'Ow! Ow! Owie! Ow! Ouch!' Thud!

>
> It was lucky for him, too, that he fell just when he
> did.

JOEL: [ As Robin, weakly ] 'It *was*?'

> For a long brownish person, white underneath, took
> Master Robin's place on the limb so promptly

TOM: Is he wearing an apron? Did a sous-chef just hop in?

> that you could
> hardly have said he jumped into it from somewhere else.

CROW: So put thoughts of claiming he had jumped into it from somewhere else out of your head, you wicked fool, you.

> He
> seemed to have popped out of the tree somewhat as a freshly
> popped kernel of corn bursts forth.

JOEL: Inside a microwave bag?

> A moment ago it was not
> there! You were watching, but did not see it grow big.

TOM: What kind of a knob are you? Why do I have you on staff? Begone!

>
> Well, all at once there was silence in the orchard.

JOEL: 'Silence in the Orchard' was my favorite Jethro Tull song.

> Everybody was holding his breath, waiting to see what
> happened to young Master Robin.

TOM; [ Whistles the opening bars from 'The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly'. ]

> Though he had lost his
> balance and tumbled backward he righted himself quite like an
> old-timer and flew off across the orchard.

CROW: Real Buster Keaton move there, you admire the stone beak.

>
> "I didn't know snakes could climb trees," he
> stammered to Mr. Chippy, who had followed him.

JOEL: [ As Mr Chippy ] 'What do you know about fish that do parkour?'
CROW: 'Have you ever considered a whale who BASE jumping?'

>
> "Snakes!" Mr. Chippy piped. "That wasn't a snake!

TOM: [ As Robin ] 'Was it two snakes?'

> That was Grumpy Weasel.... And it's a wonder you ever
> escaped," he added. "I must learn that backward somersault.
> It's a good thing to know."

CROW: 'You make it look as easy as falling out of a tree --- say!'

>
> You can see that Mr. Chippy was a very humble person.

JOEL: Well everyone knows to expect humility from a whatever a Chippy is.

> But Mr. Jolly Robin's eldest son was quite proud. Already he
> began to feel that he had been very skilful in escaping.

TOM: The escape room can't hold you if you just fly out!

> But
> of course it was only an accident that he got away.

CROW: Yes but given the contingent nature of history aren't all events 'accidents' really?

>
> For once in his life Grumpy Weasel had been careless.

JOEL: If Grumpy Weasel had gone right to the police this would never have happened.

> It had looked so easy---catching that clumsy young robin! He
> had spoken to Master Robin, not dreaming that he could save
> himself.

TOM: Well if you're not going to save yourself who do you expect to?

> To make matters worse, Grumpy had found Mr. Chippy's
> nest empty.

JOEL: Mr Chippy lost everything in the Panic of 1907.

> And Grumpy Weasel was the sort of person that
> liked to find a bird at home when he called.

TOM: When he cawwed.
CROW; [ Turns and looks at TOM. ]

> It always made
> him more ill-natured than usual to make a call for nothing.

JOEL: I mean, who does like making calls these days?

> And now he had let a stupid young Robin escape him.

CROW: Like they say, it's not the number of breaths you take, it's the number of stupid young Robins you stop from breathing.

> So it is
> not surprising that his big black eyes snapped nor that he
> said something in a fierce voice that sounded like "Chip,
> chip, chip," but meant something a good deal worse.

JOEL: Soggy chip, soggy chip, soggy chip.

>
> And to add to Grumpy Weasel's rage, somebody had
> laughed hoarsely---somebody that sat in a tall elm across the
> road.

TOM: The trees are mocking Grumpy too? That seems excessive.

>
> If he could have caught Mr. Crow there is no doubt
> that Grumpy would have made that black scamp sorry that he
> laughed.

TOM: Lure him in with comic books and opinions about butter!
CROW: I told you those in confidence!

> But old Mr. Crow was too wary to let anybody
> surprise him.

CROW: I did not expect that!

> "Haw, haw!" he laughed again. And Grumpy Weasel
> actually couldn't bear to hear him.

JOEL: Wallace Bear, meanwhile, couldn't weasel to crow him.

> Some of the onlookers
> claimed afterward that they saw Grumpy Weasel start down the
> tree. And that was as much as they could say.

TOM: Somehow he lapped himself and ended up right back up top of the tree.

> No one knew how
> he managed to slip out of sight.

JOEL: Grumpy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

> And the field people say
> that he was never seen again in that exact spot.

CROW: Ah yes, they say weasels never strike twice in the same place.


--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
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