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MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 8 [ 1 / 1 ]
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Joseph Nebus
Jan 12, 2023, 5:05:50 PM1/12/23
to
>
>
> VIII
JOEL: It's King Henry Days at the Satellite of Love!
>
> THE DARE
TOM: [ To the Pink Panther theme ] The dare, the DARE, the dare the dare the DARE the dare the DAAAAAAARE!
>
> If Grumpy Weasel had been a faster runner
JOEL: [ As the 'If Woody had gone right to the police' guy ] ... this would never have happened.
> the forest
> people wouldn't have been so surprised when he dared Jimmy
> Rabbit to race him.
CROW: Also if he had ever chosen to interact with a person.
> Everybody knew that Jimmy was
> swift-footed
JOEL: He had feet like a bird.
> ---especially since he once beat old Mr. Turtle
> (but that is another story).
TOM: Oh did he, now? Because I saw a cartoon where it came out different.
>
> When Mr. Crow, who was a great bearer of news,
CROW: And Mr Bear, who was a great crower of news.
JOEL: Wait, that makes sense.
> told
> Jimmy Rabbit one day that Grumpy Weasel wanted a race with
> him,
TOM: [ As Jimmy ] 'What do I care if Grumpy wants a race with you?'
> Jimmy Rabbit seemed more than willing to oblige. "Where,
> when, and how far does Grumpy want to run against me?" he
> asked.
JOEL: Seems like you could talk Jimmy into it.
>
> Mr. Crow said that he didn't know,
CROW: He just got back from Buffalo.
> but that he would
> make it his business to find out.
TOM: Some bots don't know how to mind their own business!
CROW: Hey!
> So off he hurried to find
> Grumpy Weasel,
JOEL: Just look for the big cloud of disagreeing.
> for if there was anything Mr. Crow liked it
> was busying himself with other people's affairs.
CROW: *Also* shiny trinkets!
>
> He did not have what you could call a pleasant talk
> with Grumpy Weasel.
JOEL: I always thought any talk that doesn't end with a weasel biting your face off is a pleasant one.
> Once when Mr. Crow alighted too near the
> ground Grumpy jumped at him.
TOM: That *is* a good story!
> And several times he called Mr.
> Crow a nest-robber and an egg-thief, though goodness knows
CROW: He styled himself more a nest-thief and an egg-robber.
> Grumpy Weasel himself was as bad as the worst when it came to
> robbing birds' nests.
JOEL: But the worst is going to be Fatty Raccoon?
>
> Although he felt as if he were about to burst with
> rage old Mr. Crow pretended to laugh.
CROW: [ Clearing his throat, and speaking the words, awkwardly, as though giving a bad presentation ] 'H- hah ha hhaah?'
> He had been having a
> rather dull time, waiting for Farmer Green to plant his corn,
TOM: o/` And I don't care! o/``
> and he thought that a lively race might put him in better
> spirits.
JOEL: If Grumpy Weasel is in good spirits does that mean he's *more* grumpy or does that mean he's ...
CROW: Yeah, this is confusing.
>
> "Where do you want to race against Jimmy Rabbit?" Mr.
> Crow asked.
TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Around the world twice! Zip! Zip! Hah, I'm done!'
>
> "We'll start from this wall," said Grumpy sulkily,
CROW: You ... sound like you're not into this anymore, Grumps.
> "because it's always better to start from where you are than
> where you aren't."
JOEL: [ As Mr Meadow Mouse] 'No running through holes, right?'
>
> Mr. Crow said that that seemed reasonable.
TOM: 'Makes sense', said Glinn Gusat.
>
> "When do you want to race?" he added.
JOEL: [ As a Knight who says Ni ] 'When you bring me a shrubbery!'
>
> "The sooner we start the quicker we'll finish,"
> Grumpy Weasel snapped.
CROW: And vice-versa.
>
> "Quite true, quite true!" Mr. Crow agreed.
TOM: [ As Mr Crow, doing Columbo ] 'I figured it was something like that, sure ... now just one more question.'
> "And now
> may I inquire how long a race you want to run?"
JOEL: [ As Grumpy ] No, you must ask how wide a race I want.
>
> "No longer than I have to!" Grumpy growled.
TOM: Is Grumpy posing a riddle?
CROW: Uh, is the answer 'a hole'? I feel like it's got to be 'a hole'?
> "Not more
> than a day or two, I hope!"
JOEL: You know how hard it would be to get a hotel this close to the event!
>
> Mr. Crow snickered slightly.
CROW: [ Snickering, slightly. ]
> "I see you don't
> understand my question," he observed.
TOM: [ As Mr Crow ] 'Let me put it in other words. Gazortnol flebnostrilate chunk bloppily snork nobble?'
> "Are you going to run a
> mile, or only a few rods?"
CROW: A few rods? Look, I know this is 1915 but you're being old-fashioned for *that*!
>
> "How do I know?" Grumpy cried,
TOM: Fine, twelve hogsheads, three virgates, and a ha'penny!
> as if he had no
> patience with his questioner.
JOEL: You know if you don't want to do this you don't have to do this. *you* started everyone on doing this!
> "How could anybody tell? I'll
> let Jimmy Rabbit start twenty jumps ahead of me and we'll run
> till I catch him."
CROW: Wait a minute, is this a race or is he just going to eat Jimmy Rabbit?
>
> Well, Mr. Crow laughed right out loud when he heard
> that.
JOEL: [ As Mr Crow ] 'I enjoy watching Jimmy Rabbit die!'
> And he was about to tell Grumpy that he would have to
> run till the end of his days if he raced Jimmy Rabbit in any
> such fashion as that.
CROW: But why start trouble like that?
> But he saw all at once that such a race
> would be a great joke.
TOM: Well, it's one of those conceptual jokes, where the comedian's amused but we're confused.
> And he said to himself with a chuckle
> that the laugh would be on Grumpy Weasel.
CROW: Sounds like you're the one doing all the laughing here.
> For Jimmy Rabbit
> was so swift a runner that nobody who knew anything at all
> would ever consent to give him a start---
JOEL: What if we gave him a sudden surprise instead?
> much less propose
> such a thing.
>
> "Very well!" said Mr. Crow with a smirk, "I'll report
> to Jimmy Rabbit.
TOM: We'll agenda it on the next Pleasant Valley scrum!
> I'll tell him where, when and how you want
> to race, and there's no doubt that your plan will please
> him."
JOEL: His plan is to stand still while Jimmy runs away from him and is never seen again.
>
> "I hope it won't!" Grumpy Weasel snarled. "I've never
> pleased anybody yet; and I don't mean to."
CROW: Grumpy Weasel suddenly becomes the voice of our generation.
>
> And that goes to show what an ill-natured scamp he
> was.
TOM: He reaches out *one* time to do *one* fun thing with *one* person and suddenly it's a whole megillah. I feel for the guy.
- end of chapter 8! -
--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
--------------------------------------------------------+---------------------
>
> VIII
JOEL: It's King Henry Days at the Satellite of Love!
>
> THE DARE
TOM: [ To the Pink Panther theme ] The dare, the DARE, the dare the dare the DARE the dare the DAAAAAAARE!
>
> If Grumpy Weasel had been a faster runner
JOEL: [ As the 'If Woody had gone right to the police' guy ] ... this would never have happened.
> the forest
> people wouldn't have been so surprised when he dared Jimmy
> Rabbit to race him.
CROW: Also if he had ever chosen to interact with a person.
> Everybody knew that Jimmy was
> swift-footed
JOEL: He had feet like a bird.
> ---especially since he once beat old Mr. Turtle
> (but that is another story).
TOM: Oh did he, now? Because I saw a cartoon where it came out different.
>
> When Mr. Crow, who was a great bearer of news,
CROW: And Mr Bear, who was a great crower of news.
JOEL: Wait, that makes sense.
> told
> Jimmy Rabbit one day that Grumpy Weasel wanted a race with
> him,
TOM: [ As Jimmy ] 'What do I care if Grumpy wants a race with you?'
> Jimmy Rabbit seemed more than willing to oblige. "Where,
> when, and how far does Grumpy want to run against me?" he
> asked.
JOEL: Seems like you could talk Jimmy into it.
>
> Mr. Crow said that he didn't know,
CROW: He just got back from Buffalo.
> but that he would
> make it his business to find out.
TOM: Some bots don't know how to mind their own business!
CROW: Hey!
> So off he hurried to find
> Grumpy Weasel,
JOEL: Just look for the big cloud of disagreeing.
> for if there was anything Mr. Crow liked it
> was busying himself with other people's affairs.
CROW: *Also* shiny trinkets!
>
> He did not have what you could call a pleasant talk
> with Grumpy Weasel.
JOEL: I always thought any talk that doesn't end with a weasel biting your face off is a pleasant one.
> Once when Mr. Crow alighted too near the
> ground Grumpy jumped at him.
TOM: That *is* a good story!
> And several times he called Mr.
> Crow a nest-robber and an egg-thief, though goodness knows
CROW: He styled himself more a nest-thief and an egg-robber.
> Grumpy Weasel himself was as bad as the worst when it came to
> robbing birds' nests.
JOEL: But the worst is going to be Fatty Raccoon?
>
> Although he felt as if he were about to burst with
> rage old Mr. Crow pretended to laugh.
CROW: [ Clearing his throat, and speaking the words, awkwardly, as though giving a bad presentation ] 'H- hah ha hhaah?'
> He had been having a
> rather dull time, waiting for Farmer Green to plant his corn,
TOM: o/` And I don't care! o/``
> and he thought that a lively race might put him in better
> spirits.
JOEL: If Grumpy Weasel is in good spirits does that mean he's *more* grumpy or does that mean he's ...
CROW: Yeah, this is confusing.
>
> "Where do you want to race against Jimmy Rabbit?" Mr.
> Crow asked.
TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Around the world twice! Zip! Zip! Hah, I'm done!'
>
> "We'll start from this wall," said Grumpy sulkily,
CROW: You ... sound like you're not into this anymore, Grumps.
> "because it's always better to start from where you are than
> where you aren't."
JOEL: [ As Mr Meadow Mouse] 'No running through holes, right?'
>
> Mr. Crow said that that seemed reasonable.
TOM: 'Makes sense', said Glinn Gusat.
>
> "When do you want to race?" he added.
JOEL: [ As a Knight who says Ni ] 'When you bring me a shrubbery!'
>
> "The sooner we start the quicker we'll finish,"
> Grumpy Weasel snapped.
CROW: And vice-versa.
>
> "Quite true, quite true!" Mr. Crow agreed.
TOM: [ As Mr Crow, doing Columbo ] 'I figured it was something like that, sure ... now just one more question.'
> "And now
> may I inquire how long a race you want to run?"
JOEL: [ As Grumpy ] No, you must ask how wide a race I want.
>
> "No longer than I have to!" Grumpy growled.
TOM: Is Grumpy posing a riddle?
CROW: Uh, is the answer 'a hole'? I feel like it's got to be 'a hole'?
> "Not more
> than a day or two, I hope!"
JOEL: You know how hard it would be to get a hotel this close to the event!
>
> Mr. Crow snickered slightly.
CROW: [ Snickering, slightly. ]
> "I see you don't
> understand my question," he observed.
TOM: [ As Mr Crow ] 'Let me put it in other words. Gazortnol flebnostrilate chunk bloppily snork nobble?'
> "Are you going to run a
> mile, or only a few rods?"
CROW: A few rods? Look, I know this is 1915 but you're being old-fashioned for *that*!
>
> "How do I know?" Grumpy cried,
TOM: Fine, twelve hogsheads, three virgates, and a ha'penny!
> as if he had no
> patience with his questioner.
JOEL: You know if you don't want to do this you don't have to do this. *you* started everyone on doing this!
> "How could anybody tell? I'll
> let Jimmy Rabbit start twenty jumps ahead of me and we'll run
> till I catch him."
CROW: Wait a minute, is this a race or is he just going to eat Jimmy Rabbit?
>
> Well, Mr. Crow laughed right out loud when he heard
> that.
JOEL: [ As Mr Crow ] 'I enjoy watching Jimmy Rabbit die!'
> And he was about to tell Grumpy that he would have to
> run till the end of his days if he raced Jimmy Rabbit in any
> such fashion as that.
CROW: But why start trouble like that?
> But he saw all at once that such a race
> would be a great joke.
TOM: Well, it's one of those conceptual jokes, where the comedian's amused but we're confused.
> And he said to himself with a chuckle
> that the laugh would be on Grumpy Weasel.
CROW: Sounds like you're the one doing all the laughing here.
> For Jimmy Rabbit
> was so swift a runner that nobody who knew anything at all
> would ever consent to give him a start---
JOEL: What if we gave him a sudden surprise instead?
> much less propose
> such a thing.
>
> "Very well!" said Mr. Crow with a smirk, "I'll report
> to Jimmy Rabbit.
TOM: We'll agenda it on the next Pleasant Valley scrum!
> I'll tell him where, when and how you want
> to race, and there's no doubt that your plan will please
> him."
JOEL: His plan is to stand still while Jimmy runs away from him and is never seen again.
>
> "I hope it won't!" Grumpy Weasel snarled. "I've never
> pleased anybody yet; and I don't mean to."
CROW: Grumpy Weasel suddenly becomes the voice of our generation.
>
> And that goes to show what an ill-natured scamp he
> was.
TOM: He reaches out *one* time to do *one* fun thing with *one* person and suddenly it's a whole megillah. I feel for the guy.
- end of chapter 8! -
--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
--------------------------------------------------------+---------------------
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