-------------------------
>
> <Christa- Command Post>
>Radu: Course set for sector 25
>Commander: Hold on, Radu... We're not goin' anywhere until you tell us
> what you've done with Catalina.
>Sofiana: If you _don't_ take me to sector 25, you won't care about
> Catalina because you'll be dead.
MIKE: <as Goddard> Well, in that case- hey!
>Harlan: What's in sector 25?
MIKE: I'm guessing sex-change clinic.
CROW: Finally gonna go all the way with it, eh, Sofiana?
>Radu: Uh... It looks like an asteroid field.
TOM: It _isn't_ an asteroid field- it just looks like one.
>Commander: Why are we going to an asteroid field?
>Sofiana: Do you have a history databank on this ship?
>Commander: Thelma?
MIKE: No, Thelma's just an android...
>Thelma: The Christa has a complete historical reference.
>Sofiana: Good. Reference Julian Mertz.
TOM: They're stealing names from _I_Love_Lucy_ now?
>Thelma: Screen on.
> <The screen comes on, showing us a guy working on some
sciency-looking
> stuff>
>Ms. Davenport: The famous computer scientist.
>Sofiana: My famous father.
>Ms. Davenport: A quite auspicious career. Until that most unpleasant
> episode...
CROW: It was called "Prisoner of Luff"...
>Thelma: He's credited and jailed for experimenting with inhuman war
> methods during the Luff Conflicts.
> <We see Mr. Mertz carted off by guards like the ones at the Prison
> Luff>
>Sofiana: That's a lie!
TOM: <as Sofiana, angry> MY FATHER WAS A SAINT!
> My father was working on a computer
virus
> that would _end_ the Luff War by rendering all their weapons
useless.
>Radu: What happened?
>Sofiana: The Luff found out about his work. They eventully had him
> terminated. But not before he hid the virus in a document cell in
> that asteroid field. Now I've got to get it back. All right, enough
> talk- let's move!
>
> <Back on the Prison... Cat's contemplating her options>
>Catalina: Me? Mind-wiped? I- I- I-
TOM: Whoah- she's become Alpha 5 from _Mighty_Morphin'_Power_Rangers_!
MIKE: Or Peri from "Caves of Androzani"!
TOM: Whovian!
MIKE: Fanboy!
CROW: Guys! GUYS!
> I can't let that happen! I have
to
> get out of here, Suzee!. I know, I know, but it's the only way I
can
> think of!
> <Catalina screams again; and again, nothing happens>
>Catalina: Suzee, it's useless...
> <Catalina sits against the bars, and they fall out. She gets out
and
> goes to Space-Case's cell
>Catalina: Do you still wanna-? <the cell is empty>
>
> <The Christa- exterior. We see Thelma tethered and floating around
> in the asteroid field. Move to an interior shot- Harlan and
Sofiana are
> waiting for her in a hallway.>
>Sofiana: It was really nice of Thelma to offer to go out and pick up
that
> document cell for me.
>Harlan: Yeah, right! You threatened to re-wire her into a can-opener if
> she didn't!
ALL: Wah-wah-wahhhh...
>Sofiana: Picky, picky.
>Harlan: She's comin' in!
MIKE: She's comin' in full throttle; that oughtta keep those fighters off
our backs.
>Sofiana: You get it? Give it to me! <she takes it from Thelma and looks
> at it> Finally... I've waited a long time to get my hands on this.
> You better get down on your hands and knees and _beg_ that the
> information in the document cell is intact.
TOM: Oh, so now she's Princess Leia?
CROW: <as Leia> We'd better hope the information in R2 is still
intact....
> <Thelma gets down on her hands and knees- and Sofiana trips over
her.
> Harlan grabs the document cell as Goddard and Radu show up. Radu
> indicates to Harlan that he wants to him throw the document cell to
> him to keep it away from Sofiana>
>Radu: Harlan! Harlan!
ALL: Keep away! Keep away!
> <Sofiana, in a fit of pique, reaches for the thing that will
> supposedly set off the bomb she mentioned earlier>
>Commander: Now take it easy, Sofiana. Think about it- you push that
> button, we blow up, that means you, too..
TOM: <as Sofiana> Gee, I hadn't thought about that!
>Sofiana: Well, if I can't have the cell, it doesn't matter...
CROW: Nothin' matters to me anymore!
TOM: There's a dangerous combination- a teenager and a bomb!
>Harlan: You can have the cell.
>Commander: Harlan...
MIKE: <as Goddard> Ix-nay on the ell-cay...
>Harlan: Commander... We want Catalina; and Sofiana wants the document
> cell... It sounds like a... trade to me.
>Sofiana: Keep talking...
TOM: Oh, like you'd ever have to _tell_ him to keep talking...
>Harlan: All right... Now, you tell us where Catalina is, and we'll give
> you the document cell.
>Sofiana: And why should I trust you? How do I know you won't keep the
cell
> once you've got Catalina?
>Harlan: Well, for the same reason we had to trust you- because you got
no
> choice. Besides, I still think you're bluffin' about that bomb.
>Thelma: My initial external scan confirmed that there was a device on
the
> hull of the ship, Harlan. And here it is!
> <Thelma holds up a small device- could be anything, really...>
>Commander: Throw it, Thelma!
> <Thelma throws the "bomb". Everyone hits the deck as it "explodes",
> spewing glittery confetti; but causing no damage>
MIKE: It's a Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve Bomb!
>Sofiana: All right, so I was bluffing. It doesn't mean our deal is
off...
> right?
MIKE: If I were you, Sofiana, I'd run- really fast...
TOM: Where is she gonna go? You can't exactly get out of a space ship
and
walk...
> <Catalina wanders about the Prison, getting nowhere fast. She runs
> into a guard, but easily knocks him out with a sonic blast>
>
> <Back on the Christa- Command Post>
>Radu: Course set for sector 15.
>Commander: Cat is in prison?
>Sofiana: The only way to escape unnoticed was to get someone to take my
> place, and you happened to be cruising by...
>Ms. Davenport: I knew it was dangerous to come this close to the awful
> place! Now Catalina's in jail! Do I have to remind you that these
> students are our responsibility?!
TOM: Shut up. Shut UP! SHUT UP!!!
>Commander: Look... Everything's gonna be fine. It's not like she can
> wander off and get lost.
MIKE: See, that's funny cuz that's exactly what DID happen...
ALL: <weak laughter>
>Radu: She can't go anywhere. She's in a jail cell...
>Harlan: That's right. I mean, she is safe there, right, Sofiana?
TOM: <as Sofiana> Hehe... Yeah... Suuure...
>Sofiana: Right. There is this... little mind-wipe thing they do...
>Commander: You where scheduled for a mind-wipe ?
>Radu: And you set up Catalina to take your place?
MIKE: I think he should put her over his knee!
TOM: Thanks for the image, Mike.
>Ms. Davenport: How could you do such a thing?
>Sofiana: One mind versus an entire race. I thought it was the obvious
> choice.
>Rosie: You mean, she won't know us?
>Sofiana: She won't even know her own name. I thought it was the right
> thing to do.
MIKE: And a tasty way to do it!
>Commander: Harlan, jump to hyperdrive.
>Harlan: I'm on it.
MIKE: Jumping to hyperdrive ain't like dustin' crops, boy!
>
> <At the Prison- Catalina runs into Space-Case in the hallways>
>Catalina: Come with me and we'll get out of here!
>Space-Case: Long live... the Luff Long live... the Luff! <repeat to
fade>
MIKE: Oh, no, he's brain-washed!
CROW: We never should have let him go to that Amway meeting!
>Warden: Attention prisoner 2-4-6-0-1! You may now stop running. There
is
> no escape from the Prison Luff. Your collar-identifier is set to
> automatically self-destruct at 12:00 hours- and so are you. It's
been
> our pleasure to serve you. Please... come again.
TOM: Well, you gotta admire a guy who likes his work that much...
>
> <Back on the Christa- Command Post>
>Ms. Davenport: Commander, do you have a plan to get Catalina out?
>Commander: Of course. I just haven't thought of it yet...
MIKE: D'OH!
CROW: <as Hannibal Smith> I love it when a plan comes together!
>Harlan: Don't worry, Commander, I got ya covered.
ALL: Ewwww...
>Commander: You do?
>Harlan: Yeah... Sofiana can get us into the prison-
>Sofiana: I know how to do that...
MIKE: <as he nudges Crow and Tom> Know what I mean, know what I mean?
>Harlan: And this <indicates the document cell, which he's holding> can
get
> us out. We'll trade the document cell for Catalina.
>Sofiana: I thought we had a deal.
>Harlan: We did. I just changed the terms of our agreement.
MIKE: <as Darth Vader> I am altering the bargain... Pray I don't alter
it any
further.
>Sofiana: I won't help you get back into the prison.
>Commander: You will- or well turn you back in.
CROW: So there!
> <Back at Prison Luff- Catalina is trying to get the collar off>
>Catalina: Suzee, this is getting serious! No, I can't think of
anything,
> either!
MIKE: Well, maybe if you'd stop talkin' to yourself!
>Warden: Prisoner 2-4-6-0-1: At the tone, you will have exactly two
> minutes left to live. Thank you; please come again.
TOM: Who is this guy; Apu?
CROW: <as Apu> Thank you, come again.
>
> <Prison Luff- Warden's Office. Sofiana, Radu, Harlan, and Commander
> Goddard are escorted into the office by guards>
>Sofiana: Nice work, fellas; for a couple of rust-buckets!
>Prison Guard: We found these trespassers entering the Prison Luff
without
> authorization.
TOM: Well, if they had authorization, they wouldn't be trespassers, would
they?
>Warden: Leave them to me.
MIKE: <as Warden> MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
> I'll deal with them after
I'm
> done with prisoner 2-4-6-0-1.
>Sofiana: Too late; they've already initiated the mind-wipe!
TOM: A mind is a terrible thing to wipe.
CROW: Maybe they had to brainwash her cuz she had a dirty mind- Hehehe...
MIKE: Crow, three words- Pot. Kettle. Black.
>Commander: We're looking for prisoner 2-4-6-0-1. There's been a
mistake.
>Warden: That's impossible...
ALL: <as Warden says it> There are no mistakes in the Prison Luff.
MIKE: Yeah, yeah...
TOM: <Inigo Montoya> You keep saying that- I do not think it means what
you think it means...
>Commander: You've got the _wrong_ person- stop the mind-wipe.
MIKE: Stop the madness!
> <Sofiana attempts to leave; Radu blocks her path>
>Radu: You're not escaping this time, Sofiana.
>Warden: A mistake would mean that the person who's collar identifier
will
> detonate at exactly 12:00 hours was not prisoner 2-4-6-0-1, but if
> that weren't prisoner 2-4-6-0-1, she wouldn't be wearing the
> collar-identifier.
MIKE: This guy would make a great politician...
> Therefore, there's been no mistake. And
no
> mind-wipe.
>Commander: Good.
>Warden: Just a little explosion.
MIKE: <as Goddard> Oh, well, in that case- huh?
>Harlan: Did he say 12:00 hours? I gotta find her!
>Commander: GO! <Harlan takes off to find Catalina> Now you listen to
> me...
>
> <We see Catalina sitting waiting for her upcoming demise and trying
> to remove the collar>
>Catalina: Thanks for sticking around, Suzee... You've been a great
> friend.
MIKE: You know you've got a bad social life when the only friend who'll
stick by you is imaginary...
TOM: Suzee's not "imaginary", she's _invisible_...
MIKE: Faaaaan-booooy!
>Harlan: Catalina!
>Catalina: What was that? No, no, I heard you, Suzee... I think my ears
> are playing tricks on me...
MIKE: Oh, go with it, Cat- what's one more imaginary voice in your head?
> That sounded like...
> Harlan?!
>Harlan: Catalina!
CROW: <falsetto, lovingly> Harlan!
MIKE: <lovingly> Catalina!
CROW: <falsetto, lovingly> Harlan!
MIKE: <lovingly> Catalina!
>Catalina: Get it off!
TOM: Ah! Spiders; get 'em off me!
> <Harlan tries to get the collar off>
>Harlan: It's solid, I can't do it!
>Catalina: Harlan, keep trying!
>Harlan: There's only one chance, come on!
> <Harlan leads her back the way he came>
>
> <Back in the Warden's office>
>Commander: Stop the detonation!
>Warden: That is not possible; the detonation cannot be stopped; it is
> automatic and will it happen in 30 seconds.
>Commander: There must be some way to stop it!
> <Sofiana tries to leave again, and again Radu blocks her path>
>Sofiana: Look it's too late; we tried, please let me go?
>Radu: You're not going anywhere until we get Cat back.
>Sofiana: Please let me go.
> <Radu lifts Sofiana off her feet>
MIKE: <as Sofiana> I'll take that as a "no".
TOM: He's totally confused on the whole concept of picking up girls...
CROW: Sofiana's a girl?
TOM: CROW! Will you knock it off!
CROW: _Well_....
> <Harlan comes back into the office, Catalina in tow>
>Harlan: Warden Opus!
>Catalina: Radu!
>Radu: Cat!
MIKE: Billy! Trini!
TOM: Pete! Pete!
CROW: Chief!
ALL: MCLOUD!
>Catalina: Get this thing off of me!
MIKE: <as Radu, lecherously> Heheheh... Oh, you mean the collar...
>Harlan: Is this document cell is the Mertz computer virus.
>Warden: The Mertz Virus- I must have it!
TOM: I WILL HAVE IT!
>Harlan: Not so fast, Opus! How about a trade- deactivate the collar and
> the cell is yours.
>Warden: Give me the cell and I'll deactivate the collar!
MIKE: I thought he said he couldn't stop the detonation...
>Harlan: Only after you deactivate the collar!
>Warden: Not until you give me the cell!
>Harlan: Deactivate the collar and the cell is yours!
MIKE: <bad Spanish accent> Give me the whip!
CROW: <Indy Jones> Throw me the idol!
MIKE: <bad Spanish accent> Give me the whip!
CROW: <Indy Jones> Throw me the idol!
>Warden: Give me the cell! The cell! The cell, I must have it!
> <Radu gets the collar off of Catalina and throws it in a corner.
> Harlan throws the document cell on top of it, and they both blow
up>
>Sofiana: NO!
>
> <Back on the Christa. We see Sofiana making herself comfy in one of
> the capsules like she'd put Cat in earlier. The Christa crew are
> outside the capsule, seeing her off>
>Radu: Uh, sorry about what happened, Sofiana.
MIKE: <as Radu, embarrassed> But thanks for lettin' me touch you, and
stuff...
>Sofiana: Yeah, well, at least I have my freedom. And I have you guys to
> thank for that.
MIKE: <as any of the Christa crew> Yeah, and what have we got to thank
_you_
for? NOTHIN'!
>Catalina: Well, you were only doing what was right.
>Ms. Davenport: That's very gracious of you, Catalina.
>Harlan: Yeah... She almost got you killed.
>Sofiana: I thought I was doing the right thing.
MIKE: "Do the right thing?" She WAS the "spike" they detected earlier!
>Radu: War can get you all mixed up.
CROW: <as Radu> Just look what it did to my hair!
>Harlan: I guess sometimes what you think is right isn't right.
>Catalina: Yeah... And you end up doing the wrong thing for the right
> reason.
MIKE: Right.
CROW: Right.
MIKE: Right.
TOM: Left- er, right!
>Commander: Good luck to you.
TOM: <imitating Thelma> You know, he says that; but I don't think he
really
means it...
MIKE: Ouch.
>Sofiana: Without that document cell, I'm gonna need it.
>Harlan: Oh, by the way... Ah... Do you think you have any room in
there
> for... This?
> <Harlan hands Sofiana a document cell>
>Sofiana: The document cell? But I was there, I saw it explode.
>Harlan: _I_ was bluffing...
ALL: Wah-wha-waaaah...
MIKE: Right- like we really thought for a minute they'd destroyed the
_real_ document cell...
> The other one was a blank I took from our
> library. I figured one bad switch deserved another.
>Sofiana: Thanks.
TOM: Go away.
> <End Credits sart>
MIKE: Why don't _we_ go away, too...
<MIKE picks up TOM and they leave the theater, followed by CROW>
@ {2} <3> /4/ :5: *6* (door)
<SOL>
MIKE: Well, that was... Not so bad...
TOM: "Not so bad"?? <shakes head> What was Peter David THINKING?
<GYPSY comes in>
GYPSY: Hey! GUYS! Something's coming in on the Hexfield viewscreen!
<Hexfield viewscreen opens. We See PETER DAVID standing in a small room>
MIKE: Well, speak of the devil...
CROW: Oh, WOW! Peter David!!
MIKE: Well, hello, Mr. David... What can we do for you?
PAD: Oh, no, my lfriend- it's what _I_ can do for you! I heard one of
you
lost some comics?
MIKE: Oh, well...
CROW: Yes, I did... SOMEONE <looks at MIKE, who squirms> spilled coffee
on them...
PAD: I see... Well, it just so happens that I have quite a collection
myself that's
just sitting around collecting dust... Want a few of them?
CROW: OH, WOW! YESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!
PAD: Ok... Hang on... <signs a few, then puts them in a box that shoots
them through the Umbilicus>
MIKE: <taking them out> Ah, look, here they are!
CROW: <takes them> Oh, cool, I- <looks at the comics> Wait a minute...
These aren't _classics_. They're not even _mint_!
PAD: Well, like I said, they were just ones I had a round... Look I
gotta
go... See ya, bye!
<Hexfield closes>
CROW: But... But... But...
TOM: Oh, quite whining Crow... They're signed by Peter David... Plenty
of
drooling fan -boys and -girls would give an arm and a leg for a piece
of tiolet paper signed by him...
<MADS' light flashes>
MIKE: He's right, Crow...
<MIKE notices light and taps it>
<Deep 13>
DR. F: Ah, Mike... 'Bots... What's up?
<SOL>
CROW: <now really mad> I'll tell you what's up... A certain tall,
blonde human better sleep with one eye open for a while!
MIKE: I said I was sorry...
<Deep 13>
DR.F: Hmmm... Murder... This could be interesting...
<Dr. F smiles and pushes the button>
<FWOOSH>
Created by
JOEL HODGSON
This MiSTing written by
CATHERINE JOHNSON
Featuring
Crow
TRACE BEAULIEU
Mike Nelson
MICHAEL J. NELSON
Gypsy
JIM MALLON
Servo
KEVIN MURPHY
Also Featuring
Dr. Forrester
TRACE BEAULIEU
Peter David
KEVIN MURPHY
MST3K and all characters and situations contained therein are the
brainchild
of Joel Hodgson, and are the property of Best Brains, Inc. They are used
here without permission for purposes of entertainment only.
Space Cases and all characters and situations contained therein are the
brainchild of Peter David and Billy Mumy, and are owned by Nickelodeon and
Cinar Productions. They are used here without permission for the purposes
of entertainment only. This post was not intended as a slight on PAD,
Billy
Mumy, or any of the fine cast or crew of Space Cases; simply as a way of
letting off steam about an episode that I felt isn't up to SC's usual high
standards.
KEEP CIRCULATING THE POSTS
>Warden: Prisoner 2-4-6-0-1: At the tone, you will have exactly two
> minutes left to live. Thank you; please come again.
"You know, aside from the fact that I'll never again experience joy in my life, I don't think _Red_Zone_Cuba_ had *any* kinda negative effect on me..."
-Crow T. Robot, _MST3K_
Catherine Johnson ---------- MiSTie #75,125 ---------- TCur...@aol.com
On 14 Apr 1997, TCurryFan wrote:
-+CROW: It was called "Prisoner of Luff"...
Sounds like a porno...Just need a bad retro 70s sound-track, women with
bruises in the strangest places, and an entire crew with names like "TT
Lover" and "Justin Her".
-+MIKE: <as he nudges Crow and Tom> Know what I mean, know what I mean?
"Nudge, nudge, wink, wink..." :)
-+MIKE: <bad Spanish accent> Give me the whip!
-+CROW: <Indy Jones> Throw me the idol!
-+MIKE: <bad Spanish accent> Give me the whip!
-+CROW: <Indy Jones> Throw me the idol!
But Indy wanted the whip and the guy with the bad accent wanted the idol...
And what a masterful scene of suspense that was. Just, one question: how
likely was it that Indy was not going to escape? Would've made for a much
shorter movie, but all those timed booby traps that are setup seem to be
near to touching the ground and the next shot they're about 2 feet off...
weird. Must be one of those weird things to do with cameras--you know,
they add ten pounds, make booby traps look like they're about to get
the goodguy when the goodguy really has enough time to, say, jump off a
mountain and land in a passing, unmanned cart full of hay...
Amazing coincidence how many kitty litter, tomato, hay, etc. trucks and
carts are passing when someone falls. Now, they could at least make it
more realistic by having it be a passing manure truck.
-+> The other one was a blank I took from our
-+> library. I figured one bad switch deserved another.
How many libraries carry blank things? Must be one of those newer,
anti-content libraries.
-+>[snip]
<clap>
Oh, and I suppose you can take this as my introduction message (if you
don't want to, ummm...darn?).
</bow>
Randomly appearing, rarely funny,
--
Daniel Koepke <dko...@california.com>
Forgive me father, for I am sin.
Translation to ebonics: "My bad fatha', cuz' I be sin."
Cult mass suicide? Just do it!
><bow>
Huh?
>On 14 Apr 1997, TCurryFan wrote:
>
>-+CROW: It was called "Prisoner of Luff"...
>
>Sounds like a porno...Just need a bad retro 70s sound-track, women
>with bruises in the strangest places, and an entire crew with names like
>"TT Lover" and "Justin Her".
<long pause>
Thanks for sharing, Daniel...
>-+MIKE: <as he nudges Crow and Tom> Know what I mean, know
>what I mean?
>
>"Nudge, nudge, wink, wink..." :)
Well, he DID the nudge... I forgot the wink. Ah, well.
>-+MIKE: <bad Spanish accent> Give me the whip!
>-+CROW: <Indy Jones> Throw me the idol!
>-+MIKE: <bad Spanish accent> Give me the whip!
>-+CROW: <Indy Jones> Throw me the idol!
>
>But Indy wanted the whip and the guy with the bad accent wanted the
>idol...
Your're right.
BTW, did the guy really have a bad accent? I was saying MIKE was talking
with a bad accent, not necassarily the guy in the movie...
>-+> The other one was a blank I took from
our
>-+> library. I figured one bad switch deserved another.
>
>How many libraries carry blank things? Must be one of those newer,
>anti-content libraries.
Hehehe.
><clap>
Thanks.
One question to everyone... Was this poorly fomatted? On my reader, the
lines were all screwy cuz I made them too long. I've since gone back and
cut them so the lines are 70 characters long or shorter; I think most
readers can support that.
>Oh, and I suppose you can take this as my introduction message
Oh, can I???
>(if you don't want to, ummm...darn?).
(-:
></bow>
>
>Randomly appearing, rarely funny,
Ok.
>--
>Daniel Koepke <dko...@california.com>
>Forgive me father, for I am sin.
>Translation to ebonics: "My bad fatha', cuz' I be sin."
>Cult mass suicide? Just do it!
"You know, aside from the fact that I'll never again experience joy in my life, I don't think _Red_Zone_Cuba_ had *any* kinda negative effect on me..."
>
>bruises in the strangest places, and an entire crew with names like "TT
>Lover" and "Justin Her".
But this is the 1990s, we need to be multicultural, with Indian
actresses like "Seema Cratch"
>>
>But Indy wanted the whip and the guy with the bad accent wanted the idol...
I also think that they only did the "Gimme the whip!/Throw me the
idol!" exchange once, but that's just a nitpick.
>
>weird. Must be one of those weird things to do with cameras--
Also turning left to right, and moving ship-spanning turbolift shafts
twelve feet to the left.
>
>carts are passing when someone falls. Now, they could at least make it
>more realistic by having it be a passing manure truck.
Or a dump truck full of gravel...or maybe full or razor blades and
lemon juice...or how about an open-topped semi carrying pillows that
arrives two seconds after the hero lands...OR MAYBE A STEAMROLLER
HAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAA...
Mike Powers
"Commit Random Acts!"
>> But this is the 1990s, we need to be multicultural, with Indian
>> actresses like "Seema Cratch"
>
>My favorite porno movie credit (Yes, when I do watch them, I do pay
>attention to the credits):
What? This is a real person/name used? I just made it up!
Mike Powers
My favorite porno movie credit (Yes, when I do watch them, I do pay
attention to the credits):
Pez D. Spenser.
Mike "More enjoyable than the movie, as I recall" Czaplinski
mike.cz...@washingtondc.ncr.com