>
>
> XXV
CROW: XX versus *what*?
>
> PETER MINK'S PROMISE
TOM: Ah, the boundless potential of a young mink. Or an adult mink. I don't know Peter Mink's deal yet.
>
> It happened, on a bleak winter's day,
JOEL: 'It'?
CROW: [ As Arthur Scott Bailey ] 'Yes, it! Give me a little time to think what it was!'
> that Grumpy
> Weasel was strolling along the bank of Broad Brook
TOM: Member, FDIC.
> when all
JOEL: Yeah, I remember FDIC.
TOM: What?
> at once he heard a squall. Instantly he whirled around.
CROW: Snowy Owl is robbing the bank! Quick, call Duck Tracy!
> There
> was something about the cry that sounded familiar.
TOM: The cry came in without knocking and put their feet up on the coffee table and everything.
> And while
> he searched the stream up and down with his sharp eyes he
> grew angrier every moment.
JOEL: But that's a story for _The Tale of Angry Weasel_.
>
> "Unless I'm mistaken that's my good-for-nothing
> cousin, Peter Mink," Grumpy muttered.
TOM: So we have Fatty Raccoon, Grumpy Weasel ... what would make a Mink more pete?
CROW: Pete, Peter, Petest.
> "I'll teach him not to
> squall at me---the rascal!"
JOEL: Heck, *I* know how not to squall at you and I never even met you.
>
> He did not have to look long before he caught sight
> of his cousin.
TOM: The glimpses have migrated for the season.
> Peter Mink was crouched under the overhanging
> bank,
CROW: Part of Snowy Owl's gang? This is bad.
> not far from the edge of the frozen surface of the
> brook.
CROW: Not as the me flies, anyway.
> And he squalled again when he saw that Grumpy had
> discovered him.
JOEL: [ As Grumpy ] 'Enough with the heavy rains and wind gusts!'
>
> "Stop that!" Grumpy Weasel bellowed.
TOM: No, I'm sorry, the line is 'Cut it out'. You'll never be Sargent Cosgrove at this rate.
> He was not
> greatly afraid of Peter Mink,
CROW: It was a pretty mediocre fear.
> though his cousin was much
> bigger than he.
TOM: Wait, minks are bigger than weasels?
JOEL: I guess?
CROW: Would Arthur Scott Bailey lie to us?
> "I'll have you know that I don't allow people
> to bawl at me, even if we are distantly related."
JOEL: Does he have to bring that up every time they talk?
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] '*Yes*.'
>
> "I wasn't bawling at you," Peter Mink answered.
TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Did you say bawling or bowling?'
CROW: [ As Peter ] 'Bawling, why.'
TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Wasn't sure, but I know whatever you're doing isn't bowling.'
> And
> he was strangely polite, for him.
JOEL: How? Did he tip his hat?
> "I was calling for help.
> Can't you see that my foot is caught in a trap?"
TOM: [ As Peter, with exaggerated kindness ] 'My good gentleweasel?'
>
> At that Grumpy jumped down upon the ice and took a
> good look at Peter Mink.
CROW: Take a good look, leave a good look.
> He saw, then, that Peter spoke the
> truth.
JOEL: Aw, it's just caught in a financial trap.
CROW: It's not the amount so much as it is the *interest*.
> "This trap hurts my foot, I can tell you," Peter Mink
> whined.
TOM: He's taking this with the same calm I would, only I don't have a foot.
>
> "Maybe it will teach you not to screech at people,"
> Grumpy told him.
JOEL: [ As Peter ] 'Hey, I helped when you were trapped in that bottle!'
TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'No you did not!'
JOEL: [ As Peter ] 'Well, I didn't mock you through it all.'
>
> "You're going to help me, aren't you?" Peter Mink
> asked his cousin anxiously.
TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'I don't know, should I help a relative even if he cries for help when he's in deadly peril?'
>
> "That trap belongs to Farmer Green's hired man,"
CROW: Why does Farmer Green need a Chevrolet sales manager who puts handkerchiefs on his head?
> Grumpy informed Peter Mink. "I saw him when he set it there.
TOM: I don't know how this sells cars but hey, he gets results.
> Perhaps you would like to have me send word to him that
> you're using it."
JOEL: _The Tale of Jerky Weasel_.
>
> "Oh! Don't do that!" Peter begged piteously.
TOM: [ As Peter ] 'I didn't pay the deposit! He'll get me in fees!'
>
> "Well, then---suppose I get old dog Spot to come and
> see what he can do!
CROW: He could smell bottles for you?
> He'd have you out of that trap in no
> time!"
JOEL: [ As Peter ] 'Oh, I'm sorry, I wanted to be out in good time.'
>
> But that suggestion didn't suit Peter Mink any
> better.
TOM: How is a dog supposed to open a trap, anyway?
>
> "For goodness' sake, can't you think of something
> else?" he wailed.
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'I was thinking of popcorn. I could go back to that.'
>
> His voice rose higher and higher as he spoke.
JOEL: He better not be getting ready to kill Eddie Valiant's brother.
> And
> Grumpy Weasel showed his sharp teeth as he warned Peter Mink
> again not to squall at him, for he wouldn't stand it.
TOM: Boy, Peter just getting all tense about his imminent death and stuff.
>
> At last Peter saw that Grumpy did not intend to help
> him at all.
CROW: He's stumbling over that line that separates 'grumpy' from 'kinda evil'.
> So it occurred to him that perhaps he could hire
> his cousin to free him from the trap.
JOEL: Oh, if only animals had money! Now Peter has to hope they can barter something instead.
> "I'd do anything for
> you if you could help me out of this fix," he said finally.
TOM: o/` But I won't do that. o/``
>
> "Will you drive Mr. Snowy Owl away from Pleasant
> Valley?" Grumpy cried.
CROW: [ As Peter ] 'Before I get my learners permit?'
>
> "Certainly!" said Peter Mink with great promptness,
> as if that were the easiest matter in the world.
CROW: [ As Peter ] 'What the heck, I'll learn to drive stick!'
>
> That answer surprised Grumpy Weasel.
JOEL: He assumed Peter already knew how to drive stick.
> He had no idea
> that Peter Mink could do any such thing. And he said as much,
> too.
TOM: [ As Peter ] 'Well, why'd you ask me if you didn't think I could do it? Is this some *game* to you?'
>
> "You understand," Peter explained, "it may take me
> some time to get rid of him.
CROW: [ As Peter ] 'I have a well-considered 78-part plan to get rid of him.'
> It's mid-winter now.
JOEL: An ancient prophecy says that by the third day after the mid-winter eclipse ...
> But I can
> promise you that I'll have him out of the valley by April
> Fool's Day!"
TOM: [ As Peter ] 'And if I don't, think what a great joke that'll be!'
[ End of Chapter 25 ]
--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog:
https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog:
https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
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