Google Groups no longer supports new Usenet posts or subscriptions. Historical content remains viewable.

MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 25 [ 1 / 1 ]

Skip to first unread message

Joseph Nebus

May 11, 2023, 7:45:36 PM5/11/23

CROW: XX versus *what*?


TOM: Ah, the boundless potential of a young mink. Or an adult mink. I don't know Peter Mink's deal yet.

> It happened, on a bleak winter's day,

JOEL: 'It'?
CROW: [ As Arthur Scott Bailey ] 'Yes, it! Give me a little time to think what it was!'

> that Grumpy
> Weasel was strolling along the bank of Broad Brook

TOM: Member, FDIC.

> when all

JOEL: Yeah, I remember FDIC.
TOM: What?

> at once he heard a squall. Instantly he whirled around.

CROW: Snowy Owl is robbing the bank! Quick, call Duck Tracy!

> There
> was something about the cry that sounded familiar.

TOM: The cry came in without knocking and put their feet up on the coffee table and everything.

> And while
> he searched the stream up and down with his sharp eyes he
> grew angrier every moment.

JOEL: But that's a story for _The Tale of Angry Weasel_.

> "Unless I'm mistaken that's my good-for-nothing
> cousin, Peter Mink," Grumpy muttered.

TOM: So we have Fatty Raccoon, Grumpy Weasel ... what would make a Mink more pete?
CROW: Pete, Peter, Petest.

> "I'll teach him not to
> squall at me---the rascal!"

JOEL: Heck, *I* know how not to squall at you and I never even met you.

> He did not have to look long before he caught sight
> of his cousin.

TOM: The glimpses have migrated for the season.

> Peter Mink was crouched under the overhanging
> bank,

CROW: Part of Snowy Owl's gang? This is bad.

> not far from the edge of the frozen surface of the
> brook.

CROW: Not as the me flies, anyway.

> And he squalled again when he saw that Grumpy had
> discovered him.

JOEL: [ As Grumpy ] 'Enough with the heavy rains and wind gusts!'

> "Stop that!" Grumpy Weasel bellowed.

TOM: No, I'm sorry, the line is 'Cut it out'. You'll never be Sargent Cosgrove at this rate.

> He was not
> greatly afraid of Peter Mink,

CROW: It was a pretty mediocre fear.

> though his cousin was much
> bigger than he.

TOM: Wait, minks are bigger than weasels?
JOEL: I guess?
CROW: Would Arthur Scott Bailey lie to us?

> "I'll have you know that I don't allow people
> to bawl at me, even if we are distantly related."

JOEL: Does he have to bring that up every time they talk?
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] '*Yes*.'

> "I wasn't bawling at you," Peter Mink answered.

TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Did you say bawling or bowling?'
CROW: [ As Peter ] 'Bawling, why.'
TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Wasn't sure, but I know whatever you're doing isn't bowling.'

> And
> he was strangely polite, for him.

JOEL: How? Did he tip his hat?

> "I was calling for help.
> Can't you see that my foot is caught in a trap?"

TOM: [ As Peter, with exaggerated kindness ] 'My good gentleweasel?'

> At that Grumpy jumped down upon the ice and took a
> good look at Peter Mink.

CROW: Take a good look, leave a good look.

> He saw, then, that Peter spoke the
> truth.

JOEL: Aw, it's just caught in a financial trap.
CROW: It's not the amount so much as it is the *interest*.

> "This trap hurts my foot, I can tell you," Peter Mink
> whined.

TOM: He's taking this with the same calm I would, only I don't have a foot.

> "Maybe it will teach you not to screech at people,"
> Grumpy told him.

JOEL: [ As Peter ] 'Hey, I helped when you were trapped in that bottle!'
TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'No you did not!'
JOEL: [ As Peter ] 'Well, I didn't mock you through it all.'

> "You're going to help me, aren't you?" Peter Mink
> asked his cousin anxiously.

TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'I don't know, should I help a relative even if he cries for help when he's in deadly peril?'

> "That trap belongs to Farmer Green's hired man,"

CROW: Why does Farmer Green need a Chevrolet sales manager who puts handkerchiefs on his head?

> Grumpy informed Peter Mink. "I saw him when he set it there.

TOM: I don't know how this sells cars but hey, he gets results.

> Perhaps you would like to have me send word to him that
> you're using it."

JOEL: _The Tale of Jerky Weasel_.

> "Oh! Don't do that!" Peter begged piteously.

TOM: [ As Peter ] 'I didn't pay the deposit! He'll get me in fees!'

> "Well, then---suppose I get old dog Spot to come and
> see what he can do!

CROW: He could smell bottles for you?

> He'd have you out of that trap in no
> time!"

JOEL: [ As Peter ] 'Oh, I'm sorry, I wanted to be out in good time.'

> But that suggestion didn't suit Peter Mink any
> better.

TOM: How is a dog supposed to open a trap, anyway?

> "For goodness' sake, can't you think of something
> else?" he wailed.

CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'I was thinking of popcorn. I could go back to that.'

> His voice rose higher and higher as he spoke.

JOEL: He better not be getting ready to kill Eddie Valiant's brother.

> And
> Grumpy Weasel showed his sharp teeth as he warned Peter Mink
> again not to squall at him, for he wouldn't stand it.

TOM: Boy, Peter just getting all tense about his imminent death and stuff.

> At last Peter saw that Grumpy did not intend to help
> him at all.

CROW: He's stumbling over that line that separates 'grumpy' from 'kinda evil'.

> So it occurred to him that perhaps he could hire
> his cousin to free him from the trap.

JOEL: Oh, if only animals had money! Now Peter has to hope they can barter something instead.

> "I'd do anything for
> you if you could help me out of this fix," he said finally.

TOM: o/` But I won't do that. o/``

> "Will you drive Mr. Snowy Owl away from Pleasant
> Valley?" Grumpy cried.

CROW: [ As Peter ] 'Before I get my learners permit?'

> "Certainly!" said Peter Mink with great promptness,
> as if that were the easiest matter in the world.

CROW: [ As Peter ] 'What the heck, I'll learn to drive stick!'

> That answer surprised Grumpy Weasel.

JOEL: He assumed Peter already knew how to drive stick.

> He had no idea
> that Peter Mink could do any such thing. And he said as much,
> too.

TOM: [ As Peter ] 'Well, why'd you ask me if you didn't think I could do it? Is this some *game* to you?'

> "You understand," Peter explained, "it may take me
> some time to get rid of him.

CROW: [ As Peter ] 'I have a well-considered 78-part plan to get rid of him.'

> It's mid-winter now.

JOEL: An ancient prophecy says that by the third day after the mid-winter eclipse ...

> But I can
> promise you that I'll have him out of the valley by April
> Fool's Day!"

TOM: [ As Peter ] 'And if I don't, think what a great joke that'll be!'

[ End of Chapter 25 ]

Joseph Nebus
Math Blog:
Humor Blog:
0 new messages