(The future isn't what it used to be....)
"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON FOUR)
EPISODE 37: MOON HONEY FLASH
(A Sailor Moon/Cutey Honey Crossmix MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 and Zoogz
(mega...@rogers.com) (zo...@yahoo.com)
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here, folks....
"Moon Honey Flash" is the property of Xaila and she's welcome to it.
I do not intend to offend her for making fun of her work like this but I
figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as
another form of C&C. It's all meant in good fun. ;)
(Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5... 4... 3....)
It's the not-too-distant future,
Last Sunday BC
There was this guy named Joel
Not so different from you or me
He worked at Gizmonic Institute
Just another guy in a red jumpsuit
He did a great job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses really hate him
So they shot him into space!!!!
Joel:
(OH... MY... GODDESS!!!)
Crow and Tom:
(IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!)
(Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer
printout)
We'll send him crappy fanfics
The worst we can find (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind (lalala)
(Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them
ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.)
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
When the fanfics begin or end (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends;
ROBOT ROLL CALL:
CAMBOT:
'Text only'?
Gypsy:
'Oh, my!'
Tom Servo:
'Sweet-o!'
CROOOOOOOW!!!
'I'm not a hentai!'
If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes
And other science facts (lalala)
Then repeat to yourself
*It's just a MiST*
You should really just relax
for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!!
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
"Hi everyone, welcome to the Satellite of Love! I'm Tom Servo...."
"And I'm fanfiction's wisecracking Crow. And we have chosen today to
pay homage to a select and unappreciated few...."
"They are the brave souls that painstakingly undertake a tremendous
responsibility to bring you the information important to YOU!"
"They are the unselfish bunch who slave long hard hours to summarize,
map, inform, educate and entertain you through page after page after page...."
"They are the heart of a community dedicated to having fun and ensuring
that others not have to suffer by clearing every possible road to be taken."
"They study the enemy, sleep with him, suffer with him, they endure
defeat after defeat in combat with him, throwing the bloody carcass of
their wounded pride to the winds, just to bring you all its secrets and the
keys to its utter defeat...."
"Uh, guys?" A familiar voice tried to interrupt.
"They are the heroes of the lazy!"
"The saviors of the short attention span!"
"The messiahs of....!"
"Guys!"
Tom and Crow paused and looked over at a frowning Joel Robinson
leaning against the wall, his arms outstretched in a gesture of puzzlement.
"Cut to the chase, willya?" Joel pleaded.
"Oh, heh, sorry Joel. *ahem* As I was saying, tonight, we pay
homage to the Video Game FAQ Writers! They who FAQ the games!"
"Yes, for were it not for these champions of cheaters, game players
everywhere would be forced to fend for themselves in a cold lonely digital
world where mercy is a fantasy and death is a blessing."
"Uh, aren't you being just a *little* overdramatic...." Joel tried to
interrupt.
"Oh yes, just imagine the unimaginable horror of playing a game without
a helping guiding hand to squeeze you when you're afraid... pat you when
you succeed... touch you when you're lonely...."
"Yeah, but isn't the whole point...." Joel tried again.
"Without FAQs, what reason... what possible motivation would a gamer
have to even press the Start button? Without those most holy scrolls of
gaming wisdom, the gamer would have NOTHING," Crow began.
"The gamer would feel NOTHING," Tom continued.
"The gamer would be NOTHING," both robots concluded.
"Forget it." Joel threw up his hands and was about to leave when the
flashing of the red light on the console caught his eye. "Oops, look alive, you
guys, Simon and Simon are calling...."
* * *
DEEP 13
Dr. Forrester stood behind the console, hands clasped behind his back,
a smug grin etched on his face. "Ah, greetings, Ghostly Trio. I trust you're
ready for the invention exchange this week?"
"Let'er rip, sirs," Joel replied with a nod.
"No, no, you can go first this week. After all, it's only fair to save the
best for last, eh?" Dr. Forrester replied with a sneer.
Joel looked over at the bots and shrugged before walking off-camera
for a moment and returning with a machine resembling a photocopier.
He then reached underneath the counter and placed a pocketbook novel
on top of the machine.
"OK, sirs, this device is for those of us who enjoy reading a lot of
fanfiction on the computer but suffer eyestrain and/or don't have the patience
to print them out. I call it the Novelizer."
Joel held the novel up to Cambot and flipped through it to reveal all the
pages were blank. Then he opened the lid on the machine and carefully placed
the novel inside a specially designed chamber. Finally, he closed the lid and
reached into his pocket to retrieve a cell phone.
"I took the liberty of sending a 230kb fanfic to my cell phone's e-mail and
now all I have to do is send it to the e-mail built into the Novelizer and...."
The machine suddenly came to life with whirring sounds and frequent
flashing of white light. After a few minutes, the machine emitted the sound
of an oven timer before falling silent. Joel opened up the lid and after waving
away the smoke, retrieved the novel.
"And there you go!" Joel held the novel up to Cambot and flipped through
the newly printed pages. "Now you can enjoy all your favorite fanfics neatly
printed into pocket novel form for an easier, more comfortable reading
experience! What'da think, sirs?"
Dr. Forrester smirked as he reached into his pocket to retrieve a cell
phone of his own. "Very clever, Joel. I wonder if your machine would be so
kind as to novelize a fanfic I've been wanting to put on my bookshelf for some
time now... you remember 'California Dreaming', don't you?" he smiled as he
proceeded to e-mail the fanfic to the Novelizer.
"W-What!?" Joel stammered as the Novelizer immediately began to
shake violently while wisps of smoke emerged from underneath the lid.
"HIT THE DECK!" Joel cried out as he, Tom and Crow dove for cover
while the Novelizer sizzled and fried itself in a matter of seconds before
finally emitting a belch of white smoke, temporarily engulfing the bridge.
"Back to the drawing board, eh Joel Edison? Dr. Forrester chuckled
as he placed the cell phone back in his pocket and assumed a thoughtful
pose. "Still, I can't help wondering if years of exchanging inventions
have somehow given each other a sixth sense about what we're planning."
"Oh really? Why?" Joel muttered, as he coughed from the smoke.
"Simple. My invention this week is also based around books... tell me...
do you recall a series of children's books released in the early 80's by Roger
Hargreaves? Each one telling a story about a character like Mr. Happy, Mr.
Greedy, Mr. Strong, Mr. Sneeze, Mr. Tickle...."
"Oh! Yeah, I remember those books! They were great!" Joel
exclaimed.
"Indeed. But sadly they're a little out of date with modern society... so
I decided it was time to bring them up to speed." Dr. Forrester grinned.
Joel's face paled. "You... didn't?"
"Oh, but I did! I did! Get ready to feast your eyes on the new EVIL
spin-offs to the series of 'Mr.' books, Joel!" Dr. Forrester exclaimed with
glee as he reached into his labcoat pocket and produced a handful of small
square-shaped books. "We've got 'Mr. Bong', 'Mr. Bum', 'Mr. Pimp' and
my personal favorite, 'Mr. Prick'. Here, let me read you an excerpt...."
"Uh, that's really not necessary...." Joel winced.
*Mr. Happy was walking down the street when he met old Mr. Prick
who lived down the lane. "Good Morning, Mr. Prick,", he smiled.
"Go #!!@ yourself, jerkface!" replied Mr. Prick. Oh, dear!*
"That's just... wrong." Tom replied.
"And don't think I've forgotten about Hargreaves 'Little Miss' series
either! I've got 'Little Miss Herpes', 'Little Miss Loose' and 'Little Miss
Implants' already on the storyboards! But enough about the future, let
get back to the present, shall we?" Dr. Forrester tossed the books over
his shoulder and rubbed his hands together eagerly.
"Speaking of which, my gift to you this week is a prime example of
why crossovers don't mix, a delightfully disastrous attempt to combine
elements of Sailor Moon with Cutey Honey... or was that the other way
'round? Oh hell, who cares! It's 'Moon Honey Flash', Joel! Choke on it!
Push the button, Frank... Frank?"
"Just say no, Mr. Bong!" Frank exclaimed as he walked on-camera,
his nose buried in one of Dr. Forrester's books. But one cattle prod to the
neck later, Frank was busy feeding the fanfic into the machine.
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
Joel was still trying to recover from witnessing the perversion of yet
another cherished childhood memory when alarms wailed and
multicolored lights flashed.
"OHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" Joel cried out.
(Door 6: It's a metal door with no knob. Before you can do anything, it's
yanked off its hinges from the other side by a tow truck.)
(Door 5: It's an old fashioned elevator. Both sets of doors open for you as
you pass through.)
(Door 4: It's made of dominoes. You tip the lead one over and watch as
the pile slowly lowers until it's half its original size and you step over it.)
(Door 3: It's filled with cute stuffed toys. You cuddle them for awhile
before proceeding.)
(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)
(Door 1: It's a castle gate that rises into the ceiling, revealing a drawbridge
that slowly lowers to the ground. You cross it cautiously, looking for moat
monsters.)
(Door .7: It's a swirling blue vortex. Suddenly a large hand reaches out of
its center and pulls you inside.)
Joel emerged from the vortex into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping over
the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own, Joel
placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow
sitting on his right.
>Moon Honey Flash- A Sailor Moon/Cutey Honey Flash Crossmix
Tom: Ready-made! Drop it on a cookie sheet, bake for thirty minutes...
>By: Xaila
>Email: Xaila...@gundamwing.org
Crow: The Gundam Wing organization! Spreading the "Heero Yuy for
President" campaign for over six months!
Joel: No way he'd win over Akio.
All: <chanting> NO MORE! ONE x FOUR! NO MORE! ONE x FOUR!
>Rating: r, mild nudity(as far as fics go), major swearing, and lots of
>"flipping off".
Crow: What, no violence? No wonder it's rated R.
Tom: Hey, I'm down with my homies. Any flipping off is cool with
me, yo.
>Note: If your wondering WHY this story is called a "crossMIX" instead
>of a "crossOVER", well, you see....Some of the stuff in ONE anime is
>going to be MIXed and CROSSed into the other.
Joel: GET it?
Tom: With a pinch of this, a touch of that, and voila! Instant mix that
serves five!
>So now that you know the definement of a crossmix, here are the basics!!
Joel: "Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball."
Tom: "Never stick your face in a bag of angry squirrels."
Crow: "Thou shall not wear spandex when weighing over 500 pounds."
>*Title: Moon Honey Flash
>*Animes: Sailor Moon (root anime), Cutey Honey Flash(mixer anime)
Crow: Your host: DJ Skribble.
Tom: <singing> In living color!
>*Time Frames: R season, half 2, Dark Moon Saga, Cutey Honey Flash,
>no specific time frame
Crow: Oh great, now I don't know whether to picture the New Cutey
Honey or the original 70's version....
Joel: No problem, just picture the New Cutey Honey doing the streak.
>Ready...............LET'S DO IT!!!!!!!!!
Crow: EXTREMEEEE Basics! Yeah!
Tom: Let's GEKIGAN! Oh wait, wrong anime.
>THREE...
>TWO...
>ONE...
Tom: <singing> Contact!
Joel: Thunderbirds are go!
All: <hum the theme to Thunderbirds>
>WRITEOFF...!
Crow: The Irwin R. Shyster story.
Tom: ...the rest of this fic?
Joel: Write off, you hoser... naah, doesn't have the same ring to it.
>Moon Honey Flash - Chapter One - "Sayonara Sailormoon"
Crow: <Usagi> Shou ichi tsuki haani senko - Usagi BYE-BYE!
Tom: Show-off.
Crow: Heh heh!
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MOON HONEY FLASH!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joel: <Sailor Moon> I've become..... Kekko Kamen?!
Tom: Ah, the long-awaited sequel to 'Flashbeagle' finally comes to
Home Fanfiction....
>"Burning MANDALA!!"
>"Sparkling Wide Pressure!!"
>These are the usual battle cries heard when the Sailor Senshi are in
>battle.
Tom: Pretty dumb, huh?
Crow: But today, it was "EAT HOT HOLY DEATH, YOU BASTARDS!!"
Joel: It was definitely a step up from "Burning Hot Thing!" and "Large
Splashing Stuff!"
>Sailors Moon, Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, Venus and Tuxedo Kamen not
>too far away, are battling against another particularly nasty youma from
>the Dark Moon forces.
Joel: Doraemon!
Crow: <Morpher Insu> This time I shall defeat you Sailor Scouts!
Tom: <Rei> Yeah, right.
>Rubeus was at it again.
Crow: Tying helpless maidens to railroad tracks?
Joel: Snidely Rubeus strikes again!
>Trying to retrieve Chibi-Usa from the 20th Century and bring her back to
>the future. But he was solo this time.
Tom: Bleeding Gums Murphy would've been proud.
Joel: Doc Brown, on the other hand....
Crow: The future decided spores were best left to the past.
>For Sailormoon released the Akayshi Sisters from their evil pasts and
>gave them a new chance at life in the 20th Century.
Tom: ...flipping burgers for $4.25 an hour.
Joel: <Petz> Don't worry, guys, soon they'll have to move us to the register...
THEN THEY'LL PAY....
>Of course Rubeus wasn't too thrilled, but he got over it when Emerald
>gave him the "shape up or ship out" ultimatium from Prince Demando.
Tom: You'd better give in to Prince Demandos... ultimatums.
Joel: <Rubeus> No! No!! Anything but the NAVY!!!
>So far, he's...........
>Nowhere.
Tom: Smack dab in the middle.
Crow: Yet, he's everywhere. How does that work?
Tom: Call him... DARKMAN.
>The senshi have his youma in critical condition and all Sailor Moon needs
>to do is give it the final strike.......
Crow: Or just shut off his heart monitor and IV drip.
Tom: <Sailor Moon> I need more air support here! Send in the tanks!
Joel: <Sailor Jupiter> Come on, you blockhead! One more strike
and the championship is ours!
>That is....unless she can stop tripping.
Joel: She finally fell victim to her own transformation effects.
Crow: Poor girl, we all knew this would happen someday.
>Tsukino Usagi, also known as Sailormoon is not having one of her
>best days. Late for school, detention, late for a meeting at the Shrine,
Tom: In other words, her normal average day.
>Mamoru dumping her, and having to keep tabs on Chibi Usa was taking
>it's toll on her.
Joel: And she was running low on exact change.
Tom: The wuss dumping the whiner? I don't know who's more pathetic
in that equation...
>She could walk one foot without tripping. And that wasn't making Rei aka
>Sailormars very happy.
Crow: <Rei> Damn rehab! If I don't deal her down to six inches,
I'll never make my monthly quota!
>"ODANGO ATAMA!! GET OFF YOUR KLUTZY ASS AND DESTROY
>THAT YOUMA!!!!"she cried. Usagi looked at her , friend......
>And flipped her off.
Tom: A crotch chop later, the Senshi all threw down.
>"DAMARE MARS!!! I'm getting up!!!" she retorted. Rei just fumed as
>the others where slightly shocked at the rude gesture.
Tom: <Minako> I blame television.
Joel: <Ami> I blame her parents.
Crow: <Makoto> I blame the author.
All: <singing> The blaaaame game....
>Usagi got up, pulled her Moon Rod out, and began the powering up
>sequence to activate her moon power.
Crow: ...first running Norton Utilities to check for Negaviruses.
Joel: <Usagi> Okay rock n' flint, get sparking!
Tom: <Usagi> Let's see... flaps down, engines turning... ease the clutch,
eeeeeeease the clutch... Aw crap, I flooded the sequence again!
>"MOON.....PRINCESS.....HALATION!!!!!!!!!!!"
Crow: One moondusted Rei later, Princess Serenity found she could rule
far easier through use of deadly force.
Tom: <Usagi> SERENITY NOW!
>In the usual shower of moon beams, stars, and hearts, the youma was
>finshed.
Crow: Thank goodness the Care Bears arrived to save the day.
Joel: <Youma> N-Not the L-Lucky Charms... that's d-dirty pool!
>And Rubeus was pissed.
>And too late.
>A repulsive laughing came from a nearby building,
Joel: <Rita Repulsive> "AAAAH! I'VE GOT A HEADAAAACHE!"
Tom: I didn't know they were so close to the St. Herebeke School
for Girls.
>a tall, pale, lime green haired woman in a tight black dress, boots and
>holding a red fan was standing there.
>It was Emerald.
Crow: <Haruka> Mmmmm, looking fine there, girlfriend.
Tom: She's always an easy mark for long green hair.
Joel: <Saionji> Oh good, I'm next...
>"Ah...gomen nasai Rubeus....But the clocks run out....Demando
>gave you a warning and you didn't come through.
>Sayonara Rubeus...." And the woman disappears, as Rubeus was
>sucked down a black hole that appeared behind him. He screamed
>bloody murder all the way.
Joel: <Rubeus> BLOODY MURDERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Crow: <Emerald> Krang wants to have a word with you back at the
Technodrome, sucker...
>The Sailor Senshi never budged until both Rubeus and Emerald were
>gone.
Joel: <Animator> Gotta cut corners whenever possible or Filmation will
have my ass!
>Then, the fight that would outshine the fight against Mettalia came on.
Joel: <Minako> Ami, you bitch! That is SO my new hairclip! You
stole it!
Crow: <Ami> Well, considering all the UNPAID time I've spent
tutoring you, it seemed a fair trade!
Joel: <Minako> I agreed to that bottle of Herbal Essences!
Crow: <Ami> And that was for LAST week!
Joel: <Minako> I offered you three plays at the arcade two days ago!
Crow: <Ami> That's because you weren't finished gaping at Motoki!
Tom <Artemis> Ladies, ladies, save it for the Pay-Per-View, kay?
>The four Inners and Tuxedo Kamen began to yell at Sailor Moon. "What
>do you think your doing!!! You can't flip off people like that!!!
Tom: <Ami> Lemme show you how it's done, you putz.
>Where the hell did your MIND go!!" yelled the usually level-head
>Mizuno Ami.
Joel: <Usagi, singing> Up in smoke....
Tom: Ami should really stop going to Flattop's barber.
>"Usagi, I KNEW you were stupid....but this takes the cake!!!!" hissed
>Hino Rei. She was especially upset at the fact that Usagi aimed her
>finger at HER.
Tom: <Usagi> I accuse my... ah, who am I kidding? I'm guilty.
Crow: Holy crap, what would've happened had Usagi dropped her
drawers and mooned her?
Joel: Everyone would've facefaulted over the irony?
>"Everyone Rei getting flipped off isn't the important thing....."started
>Aino Minako. Usagi looked at Minko and smiled. Minako didn't even
>look back. "The IMPORTANT thing is that she nearly got Chibi-Usa
>kidnaped by Rubeus!!"
Tom: <Ami> Oh yeah!
Crow: <Makoto> Great job!
Joel: <Rei> Oh no! I'm losing them!
>Usagi gasped. "That was NOT TRUE!! Chibi-Usa ran away from me
>because she thought she saw Mamo-c..MAMORU!!!I wasn't able t find
>her until Luna showed up!!!"
Crow: <Usagi> ...with my script.
Tom: <Usagi> She's over there AGAIN, and she's seducing him!
There's no limit to his cradle-robbing!!
>This didn't make Mamoru too happy. He walked over to her, grabbed
>her neck and started to shake her violently. "DON'T YOU DARE TRY
>TO BLAME THIS ONE ON ME BITCH!!! YOU BROUGHT IT ALL
>ON YOURSELF!!!"
Tom: When Tux-Boys go bad....
Crow: <Mamoru> You ain't got nuttin' on me, y'hear? NUTTIN'!!
>Usagi was losing air, and of course Mamoru didn't help by choking her
>harder.
Tom: <Rei> Hmm, neat. So, who's hungry?
Joel: But after a well-aimed Sailor Moon Kick, Tux-Boy lay whimpering
on the ground, curled up in the fetal position.
>Tears came streaming out her eyes as she wimpered, begged and
>pleaded for Mamoru to release her. He did. But he just let go of her
>neck, pushed her to the ground and said these word ever so harshly,
Tom: <Mamoru> PRETZELS.
Crow: <Mamoru> I'm in love with... Umino.
Joel: <Mamoru> I want my Backstreet Boys CD back...
>"Come near me again and you won't be so lucky..." And walked off,
>immediately regretting the harsh treatment. But then his vision returned
>and knew this was for the best.
Crow: So he was blind till now?
Tom: Heh, probably from fright when the youmas arrived.
Joel: <Mamoru> I have to hurry home now and cut the sleeves off
all my T-shirts....
>Usagi was on the ground breathing heavily, and crying.
>"Why must they do this to me!! Why must HE do this to me!!
>Oh Selene..tasukete...'
Crow: <Usagi> Why must I be rendered powerless EVERY TIME I'm
threatened by a non-youma?!? I mean, this is the fifth time this month!
I'm starting to lose my sense of humor about it!
>She sat up only to she the other four senshi in a group huddle. When
>the broke, they all had pissed off, disgusted looks on their faces.
>Venus spoke up,
Crow: <Venus> What? Isn't oral sex a good way for Usagi to
apologize to us?
Tom: Um... exactly how do you "she" other people in a huddle, or out of
one for that matter? And when the broke WHAT? And if they had all
already pissed off, how could they be STILL HERE?!?
Joel: Easy, buddy.
>"As the 2nd in command of the Sailor Senshi, I hereby announce by a
>group vote that you, Sailormoon are no longer part of the Sailor Team
>and we ask that you give up your brooch."
Crow: <Usagi> And who the hell else is going to wield it? Shingo?
Joel: <Usagi> W-What about my Tiara?
Tom: <Venus> We're selling it for scrap.
Joel: <Usagi> And... my outfit?
Tom: <Venus> We're going to rent it out to fanboys for a while to
raise funds... and then give it to Ranma Saotome.
Joel: <Usagi> Again?
>Usagi looked at each of their faces and saw no solace. Usagi choked
>back a sob, stood up, walked over to Venus and gave her reply.
Crow: <Usagi> HAIL SCROOB!!!
Tom: <Venus> What the...? H-Hey, stripping won't do you any good!
Crow: <Jupiter> Now, now, let's not be hasty... let's just see where she
goes with this....
>"As last princess of the Silver Millenium, and carrier of the Ginzuishou,
>I REFUSE to give the Ginzuishou to a bitch like you."
Tom: <Usagi> Only a bitch of the highest caliber is worthy of
welding the Ginzuishou! <hissing> And you're just too NICE.
Joel: This strikes me more as two little girls fighting over the last cookie.
>And with that Usagi turned around and began to walk away. Mars
>wasn't havin' it.
Tom: <Mars> 'Cause I ain't some raggedy bitch dat don't know her
way 'round!
Crow: <Mars> Hey, aren't *I* the bitch that gets it?
Joel: When HBO produces Sailor Moon....
>"GET BACK HERE BEFORE I ATTACK YOU!!!"
>Usagi kept walking. Never turning back.
>"That's IT!!! BURNING MANDALA!!!" And soon the rings of Mars
>were flying at Usagi.
Crow: <Mars> Nose! Ears! Nipple! Friendship! Mood! Give
me your strength!
Joel: <Moon> Nice try! Mars doesn't have any rings!
Crow: <Mars> Oh yeah?! W-well, then feel the wrath of my CANALS!
>They never touched her.
Tom: They *torched* her. Hee hee hoo hoo.
>In a mysterious flash of light, which blinded the senshi, and a
>frightened Chibi-Usa from seeing what happen blared for a minute,
>then faded, leaving only a dusting of silver sparks and fire on the
>ground.
Tom: I'm blind! I can't see the main clause in this sentence!
Joel: <Makoto> U...U...Usagi, your skin is... GREEN!
Crow: <Usagi> USAGI-HULK SMASH! USAGI-HULK CRUSH!
BUT FIRST... USAGI-HULK EAT! *Gargg gargg gargg gargg*....
>For a moment. The senshi wondered if they made the right move.
Joel: <Makoto> Maybe there WAS something to that forgive and forget
stuff, huh?
Tom: <Ami> Well, I didn't know she had gamma-ray treatment!
Crow: <Minako> Maybe if we call the Green Dragon she'll go into heat!
>Moon Honey Flash Chapter TWO: "Honey is Born!!
Joel: And Winnie the Pooh rejoiced.
Crow: Yeah, well, let's get her past the born stage and skip ahead
to her eighteenth birthday, ne?
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MOON HONEY FLASH!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joel: It shone, pale as bone, as I stood there alone. And I thought to myself,
how the moon, that night, casts its light, on my hearts true delight, and the
reef, where her body, was strewn....
Crow: This ain't Rubacava, Joel.
>"Burning MANDALA!!" Rei cried as she attack went flying toward
>Sailormoon.
Crow: Previously on 'Moon Honey Flash'....
Tom: <Rei> Wow, I didn't know I could do this stuff without being
Sailor Mars! Hell yeah, Japan's gonna get hit HARD now!!
>Usagi could feel the intense heat of the rings and braced herself for them.
>But they never came.
Joel: Cause Rei's attacks had less range than Dan Hibiki.
Tom: <Rei> Why you...! Take THIS! And THIS! And some of THIS!
Crow: <Usagi> Cold... freezing... Alaska...
Tom: <Rei> AUUUUUUGHH!!!
>Usagi's Ginzuishou began to glow, and a figure that only Usagi could
>see appeared. In a ethereal voice, the figure spoke,
>"Serenity, take my hand...."
Crow: <figure> I'm a specter in paradise.
Joel: <Usagi> Yeah, right. With my luck today, you've got a joy
buzzer on it!
>Usagi was in a daze.
Tom: You and us both, lady. You and us both.
Joel: What, is she tripping again?
Crow: Wow, this has the feeling of the original Sailor Moon series
all over it!
Tom: Why?
Crow: 'Cause the other three Senshi are standing around watching!
>She touched the figures glowing outstretched hand, and began to glow
>as well. The Ginzuishou burst out a light and Usagi disappeared with the
>figure.
Crow: <Q> We're going to go bother a chrome-dome starship captain.
Interested?
Tom: <Usagi> Sure. Got any strawberry juice?
Joel: Heh, they can make a side trip to Ensign McLees and give him a
heart attack....
>The Senshi stared at the spot wondering what happened when the
>guardian felines, Luna and Artemis ran to them. Luna looked for Usagi,
>but didn't see her.
Tom: <Luna> About time she left. Will the real Princess Serenity please
stand up?
>"Where is Usagi!?!"
>"She's gone......"
>"HOW CAN THAT BE!!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER!!"
>"We would rather not talk about it Luna."
>"TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO USAGI!!!"
Joel: <Rei> We drove her off 'cause she's a load! Happy now?
Crow: <Makoto> Nothin' like being honest.
Tom: <Luna> Load! Come back, Load! Come back!
>"I will Luna...." came a small voice.
>Luna and Artemis turned to see Chibi-Usa come out from behind a
>large bulldozer and walk over to them. Her cheeks were slightly dirty
>and tear streaks were visible on her chuuby cheeks.
Joel: Chibi-Usa needs to lay off the A&W chicken.
Tom: Now, according to numerous Back to the Future movies, she
should start disappearing... right?
Crow: We can only hope.
>She was upset at the way Mamoru and the others treated Usagi tonight,
>and she was gonna spill it all to Luna and Artemis who were absent
>from the battle, looking for her.
Tom: Next week, on a very special 'Law and Order'....
Crow: <Chibi> I saw it all! Rei blewed up Usagi! She blewed her up
real good while the rest stood there! I'm gonna turn state's evidence on
you suckers! You're all gonna go up the river for what you did! I'm
gonna....!
Joel: Suddenly a rose, fired from the grassy knoll, impaled
itself in her neck and the senshi all breathed a sigh of relief.
>"Mamoru choked Usagi and threatened her life!! And the Senshi
>kicked Usagi off the team and Minako demanded her brooch!! Usagi
>didn't give it up and Mars started to attack her. But before it hit her,
>Usagi disappeared in a bright light.
Tom: The poltergeists had grown tired of tormenting Carol Anne and
decided to get some senshi takeout....
Crow: <Rei> Let's all give a hand to the Plot Recapping Spore. And
once it covers her mouth, we can keep her QUIET...
>IT'S ALL THEIR FAULT THAT USAGI COULD BE DEAD!!!" and
>with that, Chibi-Usa ran off crying. Makoto, who stayed quiet most of
>the time went to go after her when she heard Luna's curt command.
>"Shrine. Now."
Tom: The senshi's gonna get it... the senshi's gonna get it....
Joel: <Luna> Medieval doesn't BEGIN to describe what I'm
about to get on your asses!
>"I'll go get Chibi-Usa, Luna" said Artemis, "I'll talk to YOU Minako-chan,
>later." and he ran off to find Chibi-Usa. Minako just stared at his retreating
>figure and sighed.
Crow: <Minako> He's gonna withhold sex from me again, I just know it!
Tom: <Rei> So what, now you're going to tell me that I'm *not* the
straw that stirs the drink?
>Then dehenshined and followed the others to the shrine, with Luna not
>far behind. Luna looked to the Moon and whispered,
Joel: <Luna> Someday, I'm gonna cross you in style!
>"Selene watch over Serenity, take care of her well, for I have not. I have
>failed." she choked back a sob and continued walking behind Minako.
Joel: <Moon> UH, I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW... WHY
DON'T YOU TRY THE SUN?
Tom: <Moon> EAT GREEN CHEESE, FURBALL!!
>Usagi was falling.
Joel: She took tripping to the next level.
Crow: <Usagi> I just HAD to see how deep the rabbit hole goes... sheesh.
>Well, she was physically and emotionally. Her friends betrayed her.
>Her lover scorned her. And she was almost killed.
Joel: <Usagi> Man, am I Julius Caesar or what?
Crow: Watch out, she's gonna pull a Carrie any minute now....
>Over a small pink-haired brat who had the same name as her.
>Was this fair?? Usagi didn't know what to do.
Tom: How about changing your name to Warrior and starting
your own religion?
Crow: Either way, she's foked.
>She just laid their, and let her body fall through the airless space. Now
>in her royal gown, her hair out of it's odangos, and sprawling everywhere
>it could in its golden wonder.
Joel: <Usagi> Oh yeah, wonderful! You have ANY idea how
long it takes to get my hair in that shape? Bite me, author!
Tom: <Usagi> I've entered... Bishonen Heaven!
Crow: Good thing there isn't cherry blossoms in there, those take forever
to get out....
>She wondered if she WAS dead, and that she was on her way to Heaven.
Crow: <Usagi> Hmm, haven't seen any topless angels yet....
Tom: <Usagi> Hmmm... no Philadelphia cream cheese... nope, not
there yet.
>"Hello...Where am I....Mother??? Are you there???" she looked from
>left to right, but only saw white lights.
Tom: She never saw the semi coming...
Joel: <Gul Madred> How many lights do you see? How many?
Crow: <Usagi> Uhhhh... twelve?
Joel: <Gul Madred> Ooh, this will be fun....
>Then the ethereal figure appeared before her, along with her mother,
>Queen Serenity, in all their silvery glory.
Tom: <Usagi> Fina?! What are you doing here?
Crow: <Fina> I decided sailing the skies of Arcadia wasn't for me after all.
Tom: <Usagi> Why not? I thought it was going great!
Crow: <Fina> It was... till Vyse the Hentai wanted a threesome!
Tom: <Usagi> Oh dear.
>Usagi then landed gracefully on the feet before the two, and bowed.
Joel: What, no tripping? Continuity!
Tom: Then she flexed her arms, arched her back and let loose a
loud 'BACOCK!'
Crow: That's not Sailor Moon, that's a giant chicken!
All: <hum the Chicken-Boo theme>
>"Serenity, please stand up." spoke Queen Serenity.
>"Mother..I have failed you....Gomen nasai..."
Tom: <Queen> Will you just stand up already?!
Joel: <Usagi> But I'm telling you I'm NOT the real Slim Shady!
>"Usagi," the ethereal figure spoke, "You failed no one. Endymion and
>the Senshi are under difficult pressure right now, I will not reveal what
>pressure or how to stop it.
Crow: <Selene> Cause... heh... I'm really not sure what's causing it either.
>But I warn you that being Sailormoon is becoming a danger...."
Joel: ...to herself and others?
Tom: <Queen> For if you go back, you shall be taunted a second time!
>"How is that!! The only way to help my "friends" is to BE Sailor Moon!!"
>Usagi was mortified to know that she might cause the demise of her
>friend.
Crow: <Moon> Naru's in danger, darnit!
Tom: The others, though, she couldn't care less about.
Joel: Considering how they've treated her in this fic, can you really
blame her?
Tom: Good point.
>Queen Serenity spoke, "Usagi, please listen, Selene may have a way for
>you to help the senshi without being Sailormoon..." Usagi looked at
>Queen Serenity and Selene, "How is THAT!?!"
Joel: <Queen Serenity> We'll hire the A-Team, dear.
Crow: <Queen> We chipped in and bought you a wand and
some Clow cards!
Tom: <Usagi> Bitchin!
>Selene stepped forward, "Hand me your brooch please Usagi..." Usagi
>nodded and gave Selene her brooch. Selene closed her large silver eyes
>and concentrated. The brooch lifted from her hand and began to spin.
Tom: Oh geez! It's turning into a Beyblade crossover! Run!
>"Gods and Goddesses of this Universe, come to my aid, give this Crystal
>the power to change!!"
Crow: <Urd> I'm taking a shower, come back later!
Joel: She's gonna become a Master of the Universe?
Tom: *beep* Yggdrasil is currently down due to the number of
service requests. Please try again later.
>At the end of Selene's chant, the brooch began to morph itself into a
>choker type necklace with a heart and crescent moon. It then split,
>making another choker necklace, only smaller and longer. When the
>morphing transformation was complete, the two items flew to Usagi
>who stared at them with complete wonder. Selene spoke again,
Tom: <Selene> Those two items cost us over fifty Strawberry
Shortcake Berry points, so be grateful!
>"Those are your new henshin objects Usagi, that choker necklace and
>that armband with give you the power to change into any outfit you so
>desire,
Tom: <Usagi> So I've traded in my disguise pen for a disguise... pendant.
Crow: <Selene> Well, yes. But this one will give you big breasts.
Tom: <Usagi> Oh goodie goodie!
Crow:Yep, and I'll bet Mamoru won't get to enjoy THOSE goodie goodies....
>when the time comes. But your main costume will be a silver catsuit with
>the upper bodice in the color of rose, along with gloves and boots.
Tom: You need to hit strong attack for that one when the 1P
cursor shows, however.
Crow: And your alternate costumes will include a schoolgirl
uniform, a cowgirl outfit, black leather with support hose....
Joel: <Queen> Hope you brushed up on your volleyball, dear.
>Your weapons in that form will be a sword and a boomerang. You are
>now, Moon Honey...."
Joel: <Usagi> You sure? Sounds more like Xena to me.
Crow: <Usagi> What, did the negaverse hire Kangaroos and
koala bears?
Tom: No, but now it has the awesome power of Steve Irwin on
the dark side...
>Usagi gaped at Selene and her mother, "But won't they recognize me??
>I mean, will my hair, eyes, etc, change as well??" Queen Serenity laughed
>lightly,
Crow: Geez, it's not like they changed *before,* and nobody recognized
her *then*....
Tom: <Serenity> According to most fanboys, they're all latent lesbians.
One flash of your chest and they'll drool for days.
>"No. They won't. You will change in many ways.
Crow: <Queen> For instance, your new sparkling personality
and wit. Hahaha, just kidding.
Tom: They, however, will remain unsupportive and without mercy.
>Try them out and see...." Usagi nodded, "But what do I say??"
Joel: How about.... ME BOUNCY!
Crow: <Queen> Try out your first disguise... Mei, the flower sprite.
>"It will come to you when you put them on....now.....hurry up..." Selene
>prodded Usagi along.
Tom: <Selene> The royal photographer and consort are waiting!
Joel: <Usagi> Why are they here? M-Mother, you didn't!?
Tom: <Queen> Well, I had to pay for the jewelry SOMEHOW!
>"O...Okay....."stammered Usagi, who place the choker on her neck and
>the armband on her right arm. 'What do I say?!? Mother said it will
>come to me......but how!?!?!!'
Crow: <Usagi> Time to ham it up a notch for the Oscar clip!
>Usagi consentrated hard for a minute, then shot her right hand up in
>the air as if to henshin into Sailormoon.
Joel: <Usagi> Stop! In the name of love! Hmm, that's not it.
>"HONEY FLASH!!"
Tom: Wow, got it right first time. What ARE the odds?
Crow: About as small as her... "physique" is large now.
Joel: Natch.
>The choker and armband gave off pink and silver beams out light as
>Usagi jumped into the air.
Crow: <singing> Burn, baby burn... disco inferno!
Joel: Moon Honey also doubles as a special effect for raves.
>As she started to front-flip, all her clothing shredded to all most
>nothing, leaving her naked for a moment.
Tom: <Usagi> KYAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Crow: ...causing her to panic and plunge to the ground in a
naked blushing heap, thus becoming the first girl in anime history to
klutz out during a henshin phase.
Joel: <Queen> Everybody falls the first time, dear.
>Her hair shortened from it's ankle length, to about the middle of her
>back, and turned black at the roots, to silver from the middle to the
>ends of the hair. Her large azure blue eyes got slightly smaller, and
>turned into a shade of midnight blue that looked black.
Joel: <shakes his head> Man, you need to be a beautician to
understand this thing....
Tom: <Usagi> Gotta admit, this is a heckuva lot easier than
leaning over the sink with rubber gloves.
>And her breast grew from a modest "B Cup" to an outrageous "Double
>D Cup".
Tom: Finally, legal age.
Joel: And naturally, Double D-Cups are far less cumbersome to
maneuver with in a fight.
Crow: It's a counterbalance!
Joel: Huh?
Crow: If Anime Babes didn't have outrageous chests, then how would they
be able to swing their legs out for impressive kicks? There'd be no speed
or build up!
Joel: <shakes his head> Good grief....
>And before she landed on the ground, her shredded clothing rebulit
>itself on her body, but instead of a gown, a silver catsuit, with an upper
>bodice that was colored rosey with a large crescent moon cut into the
>front, silver with gold rimmed gloves and boots, and a sword holster
>containing a golden sword appeared.
Tom: And the award for best costuming in a fanfic goes to....
Crow: Sword holster? My gosh, every D&Der worth his salt
would know that's definitely a scabbard!
Joel: Maybe it's a sword and a half?
>Usagi landed on her feet, pulled the sword from it's holster and wrote
>a large "F" in the air, which magically turned into a shower of rose petals.
Crow: <Usagi> Okay, I'm ready to duel Tenjou Utena for the rights to
Himemiya Anthy! But how does this help me NOW?!
>"Well that was most certainly entertaining," joked Selene. Queen
>Serenity laughed and Usagi shook her head. "I thank you Selene, thank
>you for helping me. I thank you too mother...."
Tom: <Usagi> But if I see ANY internet bootleg tapes, I'm coming after
you first.
>Selene waved her off, "This, was no trouble. None at all. It's my duty
>to help out when it's needed. Please don't thank me." Usagi smiled
>and nodded.
Joel: <Selene> Your soul is plenty thanks enough!
Tom: <Usagi> Well, that's nice of... Heyyyy!
>Queen Serenity walked over to her daughter, being wary of the sword,
>even though she's already dead, and gave her daughter a hug.
Crow: <Queen Serenity> H-Have to be careful or she might f-flip
me off too....
Tom: <Usagi> Oh, Mother, I... oh YUCK! You slimed me!
>"Do not forget, you are still MY daughter, Princess Serenity, my...my...little
>rabbit. I love you sweetheart...." Usagi held in her tears as she hugged her
>mother, "I love you too...Mother....I love you too..."
Tom: All together now... Awwwwwww....
Joel: <Queen Serenity> I don't care about your Bud Light!
You're more than enough!
Crow: <Queen> Now about that Hefner guy you've been hanging around
with lately....
>Queen Serenity backed up by Selene, and their surrounding began to
>fade. Before they vanished completely, Selene spoke again,
Joel: <Selene> Oh, I almost forgot... your mother and I are low
on eggs! Could you run by the store and get us a couple dozen? Thanks!
Crow: <Selene> Don't kill Rei off. We'll need her for the sequel, "La Blue
Rei".
>"Be careful using the power of Moon Honey, it's very strong and can
>take you over. That cannot happen or else the senshi will recognize you.
Joel: Uhh, how would that work exactly?
Crow: <Moon Honey> Pretty colors... WOooOOoooowwWww....
Tom: Moon Honey's tripping!? She must be... USAGI!
Joel: <Rei> Usagi's moonlighting on the side!? KILL HER!
>Remain calm, collected and focused at ALL TIMES when using that >power...
Tom: <Queen Serenity> Remember dear... short controlled bursts prevent
jamming.
Joel: <Shinji> Aim, then fire... Aim, then fire...
>Farewell and good luck.....good luck to you Princess Serenity, Tsukino
>Usagi....sayonara...."
Joel: <Queen> Oh wait! Come here for a moment! You have a spot
right...above... your cheek....
Crow: <Usagi> Aw, Mom....
>"Sayonara...and thank you!!" said Usagi as she was transported back to
>the construction area she was taken from before.
Tom: ...right in the path of a oncoming steamroller. The End.
Joel: <Foreman> Hey, Sailor Slacker! Get your lazy butt over
to the cement mixer and start shovelin'!
>Usagi looked to the Moon and gave Selene and her mother a silent thank
>you. As she began to take off her armband, she heard voices and turned
>around to see Minako and Luna.
Crow: ...and Usagi called me 'Fat Cat' behind my back!? Why that little...!
Tom: <Minako> Target re-acquired! VENUS CRESCENT BEAM!
>"Luna! I told I didn't see what happened!! There was a blinding light so
>we couldn't see!!"
Joel: <Minako> It was blinding, I tell ya! Blinding!
Crow: <Luna> Well, why weren't you wearing sunglasses?
Joel: <Minako> What do I look like? Corey Hart?
>"That's enough Minako, this is all your fault as you should of kept Rei
>from attacking Usagi. If she's hurt, I'll scratch you and Rei up so bad
>you won't able to sit down for a year!!"
Tom: <Luna> I'm gonna make your asses into my personal lotto tickets!
And I won't stop till I hit the jackpot, get me!?
Joel: I'll bet every vandal in Singapore shudders at the mention of her
name.
>"Luna I'm sor-WHO ARE YOU!!"
Joel: <Luna> Uh, I'm Luna, remember?
Tom: <Luna> I'm the wind, baby.
>Usagi watched the two with a slight snicker at Luna's threat.
>But when Minako addressed her, she took a step back. "Are...are you
>referring to ME!?!"
>Minako snickered,
Joel: <Minako> I see Shatner's been giving acting lessons again.
Tom: <Usagi> Hey, shut up!?!?! He has not!?!?!
>"Yes..now who are YOU!! What do you want here!!" Minako then began
>to break out her communicator. Usagi walked infront of Minako and
>knocked it out her hand.
Crow: <Usagi as Austin Powers> Judo chop!
Tom: <Usagi> Ha ha ha! Marrissa Picard can't save you now, Minako!
>"Don't even call the other senshi..Sailorvenus..." Minako's eyes
>widened and she stammered,
Joel: <Minako> A-Actually, I was g-going to call the T-Turtles....
Tom: <Splinter> Hang on, April, uh, I mean, Minako!
>"Wha...wha..what do you WANT!?!?" Usagi snicked, "Why nothing...I'm
>only here to do my job...which is to cover YOUR butts,"
Crow: <Usagi> I brought 501s. Put'em on or else.
>Usagi turned around and began walking towards an alley, "The name is
>Cutey Moon Honey......Usagi's new guardian....Till the next meeting....."
>Usagi laughed and walked into the black abyss of the alley.
Tom: ...only to realize it had a dead end. Undaunted, Usagi turned
around and walked back out of the alley and down a well-lit street while
Minako and Luna bigsweated.
Joel: <Selene> Well, at least her powers aren't going to her head.
Crow: <Usagi> Fools! I'll show them! Heh... heh heh... mwa heh heh
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Joel: <Selene> Oh crap.
>Minako stood up, dusted herself off and grabbed her communicator. She
>flipped it open and did an "all call", with the exception of Usagi.
Crow: So her communicator has call display?
Tom: Tsukino Usagi .... just one of the people you don't have to
talk to anymore.
Joel: And why didn't Minako use the communicator to contact
Usagi when she was missing in the first place?
>Rei was the first to asked, "What's going on Minako??" Minako shook
>her head and sighed, "It seems a new hero is on the block, and she
>claims to be Usagi's guardian."
Crow: <Darien> WHAT!? Someone's cutting in on MY territory!?! FROTH, HOWL,
FROTH...!!!
Tom: <Makoto, giggles> You're wussy when you're angry.
>Makoto gasps, "What!?! Not possible!!" Minako nodded sadly, "Hai,
>that's what she said..." Ami spoke softly, "Well is she a senshi?? What's
>her name??" Minako blinked, "I don't THINK she's a senshi, she only
>goes by Moon Honey..."
Tom: <Ami> Hmmm, Usagi's disappeared... and then a girl by the name of
'Moon Honey' comes along... of course! It can only be... Tux-Boy in drag!
Joel: <Makoto> Does she resemble my old boyfriend?
Tom and Crow: <Other senshi> NO!!!
Joel: <Makoto> Just asking.
>Rei spoke again, "Okay everyone meeting at the Shrine tomorrow at
>3:30. We'll question Usagi later." Everyone nodded and signed off.
Tom: MarsFire (mi...@sendai.ne.jp) Quit: Kill da wabbit, kill da wabbit...
Joel: CrazygurlJupi (oake...@pantheon.ne.jp) Quit: Hey, he looks like
my old boyfriend! BRB ^_^!
Crow: SailorVBaby (mina...@hotmail.co.jp) Quit: Hey baby, what's
your sign?
Tom: ShabonMerc (aq...@lycos.com) Quit: I need to analyze this data,
don't wait up! Heehee!
Joel: Lu|\|4 (meo...@pantheon.ne.jp) Quit: I hate you, now feed me!
Crow: ArtyWhite (kitty...@sandbox.ne.jp) Quit: I'm too sexy for my fur...
without it I go "brrr".
>"Luna..was their EVER a 'Cutey Moon Honey' during the Silver
>Millennium??" Minako looked down, but Luna wasn't there. "Luna?
>LUNA!?!" Minako looked around, but didn't see the black feline
>anywhere.
Joel: Oh man, it's 'Ring of Terror' all over again.
Tom: <Minako> Luna? LUNA! LUNAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Crow: <Luna> Just a bloody minute! *grunt* I'm trying to
concentrate here!
>Minako sighed, turned around and walked away from the construction
>yard.
Tom: Sooooo, Minako's zero for two now.
Joel: <Minako> Oh well, let's go home, Artemis... Artemis?
Artemis?! OH NO!!!
Crow: Heh.
(The screen abruptly goes white.)
Joel: Huh?
Tom: Hey, what happened?
(Suddenly, a still frame of Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank appears on the
screen. They are both holding a long length of filmstrip with sheepish
expressions on their faces. The caption 'OOPS, FANFIC BREAK!'
flashes across the screen, accompanied by lame elevator music.)
Joel: Fanfic break!?
Bots: BOO!
(The bots start tossing empty soda cups and half-eaten candy at the screen while
Joel rises to his feet and stretches.)
Joel: Oh well, I guess there's nothing left to do but go back to the bridge.
Crow: Aww, but it was just starting to get interesting!
Tom: Hmmm, in that case, maybe this fanfic break wasn't an accident?
Crow: What? You don't think Dr. F....?
Joel: Come on, guys, let's discuss this outside.
(Joel picks up Tom and follows Crow out of the theater)
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
"Well, guys, what'd you think of the fanfic?" Joel inquired.
"I think it has potential but geez, what was the deal with Tux-Boy
and the other girls treating Usagi like a leper? I know there was an
episode of Sailor Moon when Rei tried to assume command of the
senshi but even SHE wouldn't have stood by and let Mamoru choke
Usagi out!" Crow exclaimed.
"Yeah and what IS the deal with these authors being obsessed with
breast size! I mean, sure they're lovely to look at and lovely to hold, but
they hardly define a person's total worth!" Tom added.
"Well, I think we need to see the rest of the fanfic before we can make a
fair assessment... uh, any chance of that today, Dr. Forrester?" Joel asked as
he tapped the red light to contact the Mads.
* * *
DEEP 13
"Stupid, useless, cheap, ancient, piece of crap IBM Selectric printer!"
Dr. Forrester cursed as he and TV's Frank struggled to remove what was
left of the mangled and shredded pages of the fanfic. "I knew we should
have bought that used Epson when we had the chance!"
"Do you want me to check the paper and see if Torgo's still selling it?"
Frank inquired.
Dr. Forrester sighed. "No... he'll probably try to haggle the price
again... and a bargaining session with Torgo is one thing I'm NOT
prepared to deal with right now." As he walked dejectedly over to the
console, he was startled to see the viewscreen was activated. Quickly
composing himself, Dr. Forrester addressed the SOL crew.
"It seems today is your lucky day, boobies. But don't think for
one second that I'm going to forget this! Your next experiment will
MORE than make up for today's abrupt conclusion and the last laugh
shall be MINE! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"Way to taunt 'em, Skeletor!" Frank cheered from the sidelines.
"Oh, shut up."
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
"Um, okay, I guess we'll just read a couple of letters then." Joel replied
as Crow and Tom brought out the cardboard box. "Our first letter is from
Keryn and she writes....
*Hi!
It's about 2:30 am and I just sat here and read almost all of your Ranma 1/2
MSTs. You're insightful, witty and all around hilarious. You make it worth
it to actually read those terrible fics. =D At times, I find myself wondering
the same things you do when you MST the fics. Some people should just not be
allowed to touch a computer. EVER. Well anyway, I hope to see more from you
soon. Keep up the good work!
Keryn*
"And thanks for the kind words, Keryn! Although we also like to believe
that all fanfics have some trace of goodness in them...."
"We like to believe it but there are some days...." Tom joked.
"Our next letter comes to us from Michelle and she writes....
*Dear Megane
I don't usually write e-mails to strangers, even to compliment on their
work, for the simple reason of being lazy. However, I've been reading
your MSTs since November... I think... but I've really enjoyed them and
have read as many as I could. Some of my personal favorites are "Oscar Toon",
"Ranma Kills!" (especially the line "He is utterly without chain. He is the
chainless man." I don't even know why, I just do.)*
"Hey, I remember that line! That was yours, right Tom? What did it
refer to anyway?" Crow inquired.
"Actually... it just sounded funny to me when I said it aloud in a serious
tone of voice so I figured, what the hell?" Tom replied cheerfully.
"Cool. Hey, there's more...." Joel said as he continued to read.
*"Triangle Tangle", and "The Io Saga" (Possibly my favorite of them all,
probably because of all the Brave Sir Kaman riffs. I hate him too.)*
"Heh, making good natured fun of the puking cowardice of Tux-Boy is
truly one of the simple pleasures in life." Crow exclaimed proudly.
"So true...." Tom sighed happily.
*I also like the way you actually make constructive C&C for the stories you
MST. In short: Keep up the good work! Moo!*
"For great fans like you, we'll do our best!" Joel replied with a smile.
"Hear hear!" The bots agreed.
"Well, I guess that's it for this week. On behalf of the Satellite of
Love, this is Joel Robinson saying...."
"RAMCHIPS!" The bots finished for him.
"Later... later...."
...AND THE MSTINGS
CONTINUE...
I hope you enjoyed this and comments are very welcome.
(mega...@rogers.com) (zo...@yahoo.com)
Author's Notes: I know, I know, I took another summer off, but I'm back
now and hopefully my work output will increase from here on. The CB
awards are nearly complete and they look to be a much shorter read this
year, in a good way. I decided to only MST the first two parts of Moon
Honey and give the remaining two parts to Zoogz for his MSTing series
and I look forward to seeing what he does with them.
I've been MSTing for over five years now and I want to thank each
and every person who's send me words of support and encouragement
and who have helped me with my MSTs over the years. I treasure
every piece of fan mail I receive and I consider it a great honor that
some people have dedicated their MSTings to me and tell me that I
helped encourage them to start MSTing. To all of you, thank you from
the bottom of my heart and I hope I can continue to inspire and make
you laugh for a long time to come. :)
I'd like to give personal thanks to Zoogz and Jolt, who helped me with
some in-depth C&C and suggested riffs for this MSTing....
- Zoogz's 'Mystery Science Cinema' series can be found at
http://www.nabiki.com/mst/zoogz/mst/ including his latest MSTing
'Infertia's Son'. He is also editing several FFIRC group MSTings
including 'Battle Royale', and he is currently finishing up the first chapter
of a fanfic collaboration with Rahkal called "Crossed Signals", coming
soon to a fanfiction archive near you!
- Jolt's webpage is down at the moment but you can request his MSTings
by e-mail at joltca...@shaw.ca
Also, I'd like to give personal thanks, once again, to Gary Kleppe, whose
C&C and suggestions are always appreciated. I can't say enough nice
things about this guy! :) If you haven't had a chance to check out his
latest works 'Tenshi', 'Ryouga's Demon' and revisions of HaM, you can
reach him at ga...@garykleppe.org or his webpage at
http://www.garykleppe.org/comics.html and I'm sure he'll be happy
to send the story along to you.
Additionally, The 2002 Chicken Ball Awards are nearly, FINALLY
complete, with the release date planned for late September. Feel free to
visit our webpage at http://www.rakhal.com/cb/cbvote.html or read
previous CB awards at http://www.thekeep.org/~harnums/CB/
Incidently, The Placid Jack Acid has been kicking it up a notch by
releasing several new revisions of his MST 3001 series. All these plus
his latest MST 'AlienNation', can be found at
http://www.nabiki.com/mst/j_acid/ (We're also hard at work on a group
project that must remain secret for now. ;P) You can find his awesome
MST3K artwork scattered around the site and he has a new website featuring his
web comic 'Upstate' at http://upstate.stalo.com/index.htm that's well-worth
checking out. He can be contacted by e-mail at sam...@stalo.com
Finally, I'd like to again thank Xaila for writing 'Moon Honey Flash' and
giving me a lot of material to work with. I e-mailed you for permission to
MST your fic but you never replied so I hope you're not offended. It's
all meant in good fun. :)
'A MSTing for All Seasons'
http://www.nabiki.com/mst
Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/
SEASON ONE
------------------
101- "GAMES" by Artemis (SM Lemon)
102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" (Original Draft) by Oscar (SM Lemon)
103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA" by The Flashman
(SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER)
104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin (R1/2 Fanfic)
105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson (Nuku Nuku Fanfic)
107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton
(La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover)
108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky
(SM/WWF Crossover)
w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon (SM/RL Crossover)
110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER
CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker (SM Christmas Fanfic)
SEASON TWO
-------------------
201- "THAT GIRL" PT. 1-2 by Oscar (SM Lemon)
202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino (SM Lemon)
203- "*R*P*M*" by Ryot (SM/SPAWN Crossover)
204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2 by Hitomi Ichinohei (R1/2 Fanfic)
205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz (SM Lemon)
206- "OSCAR TOON" PT. 1-4 by Oscar (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover)
207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari (Mutiple Crossovers)
208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep (R1/2 Fanfic)
209- "TRIANGLE TANGLE" by CATS (SM Lemon)
210- "THE KIDNAPPING" PT. 1-2 by SMendou (UY Lemon)
SEASON THREE
----------------------
301- "A WET DREAM COME TRUE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Lemon)
302- "TORTURED ECHO" PT. 1-4 by Trakal (R1/2 Fanfic)
303- "RANMA KILLS!" PT. 1-2 by Sir Asayogure (R1/2 Fanfic)
304- "OKONOMIYAKI SUMMER" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic)
w/short "UNDER THE MISTLETOE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic)
305- "XMAS SPECIAL: A CHRISTMAS FIT FOR A POKEMON"
by Dr. Thinker (Pokemon Christmas Fanfic)
306- "9-BALL DREAMS" PT. 1-2 by Mr_Jazz (SM Crossover Lemon)
307- "WINTER" by Joseph Palmer (R1/2 Fanfic)
308- "UKYO GETS WHAT SHE DESERVES" PT. 1-2 by R_Vincent
(R1/2 Lemon)
309- "I WANT TO MEET A PRINCE LIKE DEAR OLD DAD, MOM,
SIS, BRO & FRISKY!" by Katherine (Utena Lemon)
310- "THE IO SAGA" PT. 1-4 by Sarah J. Gates (SM Fanfic)
SEASON FOUR
--------------------
401- "LINES AS Q PART 2" PT. 1-2 by Dave Hines (ST:TNG Fanfic)
402- "RAW IS ORO" by Jedi Master Horace (WWF/Rurouni Kenshin
Crossover)
403- "SABLE TAKES THE GOLD" by Martin4Life (WWF Lemon)
404- "SOMETIMES" by Writer By The Sea (SM/GW Crossover)
405- "WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE, CHARLIE BROWN" by Ryot
(Original Fanfic)
406- "RANMA'S REVENGE" by Freyr Gunnar Ólafsson (R1/2 Fanfic)
407- "MOON HONEY FLASH" by Xaila (SM/Cutey Honey Crossmix)
SHORTY!
-------------
101- SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY!
102- THE UGLIEST WOMEN ON THE NET!
103- PHEROMONES!
104- THE INTERNET SPY AND YOU!!
105- THE SECRET FLAW!
OTHER MSTINGS I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO
---------------------------------------------------------
"DIMISIONAL TROUBLE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
"MOONDUSTED" by Stephen Ratliff (SM/TNG Crossover)
"THE COUNTESS CHRONICLES" by Lin Lin (SM Dark Lemon)
"9 1/2 CHIPMUNKS" by Toon Dreams (Rescue Rangers Yaoi Lemon)
'MYSTERY WRESTLING THEATER 3000', POST 105: DOUBLE TROUBLE!
(Two interviews with the Ultimate Warrior and '3:16 Rulzs!' by Oracle)
"THE DAY OF EMERGANCE" by Jeffrey Lee
(Ranma 1/2/Eddings/SM Crossover)
*Recent Collaberations*
"REDHEADS" by Robert "Kenko" Haynie
(Slayers/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)
"WILD SILVER" by Francis Bourque
(Sailor Moon/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)
"RELATIONSHIPS" by Sidewinder
(Neon Genesis Evangelion/Sailor Moon Crossover)
"A LITTLE CHANGE OF PLANS" by Wishbringer
(Neon Genesis Evangelion/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)
"HOUSE OF IKARI'" by Teisu
(Neon Genesis Evangelion)
OTHER GREAT WEBPAGES WORTH VISITING
- Zoogz's Fanfiction and Fandom Page
http://www.nav.to/Zoogz
- Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html
- The Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot"Wong
http://www.anime.sobhrach.com\~jeffwong\index.html
- 'SuicideBlast' by: Keener
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/3342/Suicide.html
- Additional links for Keener's stuff
http://tmffa.com/
- Website Number 9 MSTings
http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k/mistings.shtml
- Lord Carnage's Cursed Fanboys Page!
http://carnage.fanfic.org
- A Sailor Moon Romance
http://www.moonromance.com/
- Zen's Fanfiction Page
http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html
- Webdragon's Lair
http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/
- Sean Gaffney's Webpage
http://www.thekeep.org/~sean/index.html
Seanbaby's NES Page
http://www.seanbaby.com/nes.htm
X-Entertainment
http://www.x-entertainment.com/
">Where the hell did your MIND go!!" yelled the usually level-head
>Mizuno Ami."
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 2002 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.
Keep Circulating the Fanfics....