The Unfinished MITCHELL transcript, Part 1
Steven Horton
MITCHELL, starring Joe Don Baker. I haven't worked on it for a couple years,
but someday I'll get back to it and complete the whole thing...
MITCHELL
transcribed by Steve Horton
June - July, 1997
JOEL: Hi everybody, welcome to the Satellite of Love, I'm Joel Robinson... oh, look, here comes Tom Servo, Crow T. Robot.
CROW: Hello.
TOM: Evening.
JOEL: Hey, come on up here you guys, I wanna show you this toothpick sculpture I've been working on for the last three years.
TOM: You've been working three years on THAT?
JOEL: Well, yeah, nights, 'n weekends...
CROW: ..not very good...
TOM: Shh!
CROW: I mean, uh, what is it?
JOEL: It's a scale reproduction model of Monticello rendered in toothpick! I got the idea off the nickel, see?
TOM: It's beautiful... where'd you get all the toothpicks?
JOEL: What, are you kidding? We're on a spaceship, this place is crawling with toothpicks.
CROW: Uh, well, it really is cool, Joel... of course, you realize we'll have to break it.
TOM: It's nothing personal, you understand, it's just a thing...we...have...to do.
JOEL: Okay.
CROW and TOM: Huhhh?
JOEL: Sure, go ahead, that's why I made it, smash away.
CROW: Awwww....
TOM: No, no, no, Joel, you're ruining it for me!
[TOM leaves]
CROW: Yeah, I feel dirty.
[CROW leaves]
MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign in five seconds.
JOEL: Sure seems like a waste, it being all toothpicky and fragile and all.
MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign now.
[commercial sign button flashes]
JOEL: I'm just gonna leave it here, unattended, to dry... ah, we'll be right back.
[TOM and CROW scream as they ENTER and attack sculpture.]
JOEL: So how was it for you?
TOM: Well, as far as breakin' stuff goes, it was good, but not great.
CROW: Yeah, not as good as that ceramic bell collection.
JOEL: Oh, Mellevitz and associates are calling.
[JOEL presses mad scientist call button]
MIKE: Okay, and this?
FRANK: Oh, let me see... oh, heh heh heh! That's my old head! Heh hmm hmm! Just file it under Frank's First Head, okay?
MIKE: Right.
FRANK: Oh, hi, Joel... look, we're way too busy to even do an invention this week. [whispered] We're being audited. [normal voice] You go right ahead, though.
[JOEL swings zebra-striped stool into view.]
CROW: It's a Daktari Stool!
[CROW and TOM giggle]
JOEL: What do you think, sirs?
FRANK: Daktari Stool?... whatever. Anyway, Joel, it's a madhouse down here. Uh, we're being audited by the fraternal order of mad science, you know, one of those 'Are You Really Mad Enough' sort of things...
MIKE: Frank??
FRANK: What?
MIKE: Three Jarevic-Sevens. (????)
FRANK: Put 'em in the junk drawer! Jeez, didn't the temp agency test you on any of this stuff??
MIKE: Well, I'm a little off my game! I'm not normally required to wear a [CLANK] leg iron like this! Say, what is the deal with this guy and those cute robots?
FRANK: Listen, mister four-dollars-and-twenty-five-cents-an-hour! You stick with the boxes, and I'll handle the experiment, is that all right with you??
DR. F: Frank, can I see you a minute?
FRANK: Sure thing, Doctor F! [low voice] Say, Steve, this temp stuff is working out great, don't you think?
DR. F: We'll I'm sure glad your friend is working out so nicely, Frank. [loud voice] Now what about sending Joel the movie, ya boob!
FRANK: Oh, the movie, the movie, the movie... [checks pockets]
DR. F: Oh, for the love of ...
[FRANK and DR. F search through box, tossing stuff out]
DR. F: Oh, Frank, look, remember? The double-butt graft. My science project from Evil Oh's(?). I grafted the butt of a dog onto the butt of a cat. Sure, they all laughed...
FRANK: Doctor F, the movie!
DR. F: Oh, right, uhhhh... [MIKE hands him the movie]...here it is. Mitchell, starring Joe Don Baker.
MIKE: You guys watch Joe Don Baker movies?
FRANK: Oh, look, just get back to work, Temp-Boy!
DR. F: Well, here it comes Joel... MITCHELL! It's a super secret spy, has a motorcycle, marooned in space, meets Hercules...or not...uhhhh...watch it and weep, Joel Prole Mole! Send him the movie, Frank. [FRANK waves MIKE away frantically] ...the movie??
[FRANK sends JOEL the movie]
JOEL: I like the way you used...[garbled]
JOEL, TOM, AND CROW: Movie sign, oh, we've got movie sign! [JOEL tosses the Daktari Stool in the air]
6-5-4-3-2-1
[JOEL, TOM and CROW enter theater]
[screen says AN ESSEX ENTERPRISES LTD production]
CROW: Hey, look, a sex film!
[title scrolls across screen, Terminator style]
TOM: Mittens? There's an action film called Mittens?
CROW: Joe Don Baker _is_ Mittens! He's a cop!
TOM: Mithril? Oh, wait, it's Mitchell!
CROW: Oh, the Martha Mitchell story!
TOM: Joe Don Baker _is_ Martha Mitchell!
[screen fades into blurry picture of Mitchell]
CROW: It's Bigfoot!
TOM: Who's the puffy guy who's the big leery sex machine?
CROW and JOEL: Mitchell!
TOM: That Mitchell is one faaaaat...
CROW: Shut yo' mouth!
TOM: Just talkin' bout Mitchell!
CROW: Looks like Grendel!
JOEL: Hey, Linda Evans, that was her Pre-Yanni days.
TOM: Before her face was pulled taut.
JOEL: Looks kinda like a slow-motion sneeze...?
CROW: [looking at credits] Yeah, here's your loser actor bouquet!
TOM: Any movie with wocka-chi-wocka in it is okay by me.
[CROW and JOEL say "wocka-chicka-wocka" like a 70's guitar in the background]
TOM: [singing] It was the third of September! A day I'll always remember!
CROW: Never corner a Mitchell! See how he reacts?
JOEL: Looks like he's doing a Nixon, or...
TOM: Looks like a middle aged Chucky.
CROW: Looks like the Wrathful Buddha.
TOM: Looks like the Moon in _A Trip to the Moon._
JOEL: [as Mitchell] Man, I can't get my arms down.
CROW: Now he looks like a smallmouth bass!
TOM: Heh...now he looks like he's in a wind tunnel!
JOEL: Ummm...maybe he's doing Tai Chi or something.
CROW: Mitchell's on a corner!
[screen goes black]
SCENE 1
JOEL, TOM and CROW: Mitchell!
[pan over a house]
TOM: Eeeeegaaaah!
CROW: Stim-low. [???]
JOEL: [cupping hands to mouth] Watch out for snakes!
TOM: [smug advertisement voice] We've hidden Mitchell somewhere in this picture.
CROW: [50's game show host voice] Mitchell, will you stand up, please.
JOEL: [singing] The lunatic is on the grass...
[someone climbs over a fence]
TOM: Johnny Nash breaks into a suburban home.
CROW: Mitchell.
JOEL: Hey, it's one of the kinds from Fame!
TOM: Which one?
JOEL: Any of 'em.
CROW: Johnny Mathis!
TOM: [singing in Johnny Mathis voice] It's not fooor me to saaaay...
SCENE 2
[huge 70's car going down busy street]
JOEL: The Green Hornet.
BRUNETTE WOMAN: This little thing, she can't be more than sixteen. Every
time she give me a manicure, she tells me she's having a different affair. And
she tells me everything. I mean, all the real hot and juicy details. I can't even keep
my fingers still.
CROW: Must be a faculty meeting.
DEANY: Shut up. I'm thinking.
SCENE 3
[JOHNNY MATHIS breaks into house through a window.]
JOEL: Uh, it's open!
CROW: Looks like he's breaking out of his house.
JOEL: Al Noga?
TOM: Still Johnny Mathis.
[JOHNNY MATHIS closes door behind him.]
CROW: Oh, yeah, close it and lock it. You don't want anyone coming in.
SCENE 4:
[same car, going down busy street toward house.]
CROW: Dr. Detroit.
JOEL: With songs by Devo! Cutting Crew! and Haircut 100!
SCENE 5:
[JOHNNY MATHIS puts expensive-looking spoons in his bag.]
TOM: [singing in Johnny Mathis voice] I saaay to myself it's wonderful...
JOEL: A picture of Moe Connely?
TOM: No, not the limited edition Star Trek collector plates!
[JOHNNY MATHIS shines flashlight over guns high above his head in display case]
JOEL: Heeeey...Lucas McCane lives here!
SCENE 6:
[car pulls into driveway.]
CROW: They're on a collision course to wackiness! Hu-Hyuh!
[guests get out of car]
TOM: All right, last call, drink 'em up... Hic!
CROW: Let's not talk.
SCENE 7:
[JOHNNY MATHIS shines flashlight over television.]
JOEL: Hey! Oh, a Goldstar.
SCENE 8:
[DEANY leads guests into house.]
TOM: Fluon, please (???)
CROW: Should I tell her?
DEANY: Ladies, you know where everything is! I want you to exercise the bottomless limits of your imagination. Surprise me! The way you always do. Come on, Don, let's get some juice.
JOEL: Heh... I might be able to kiss her tonight, you know.
BLONDE WOMAN: What the hell does he think I am, an acrobat?
CROW: And, she's an acrobat, Ted!
[DEANY and DON stop suddenly. DEANY sees a flashlight in the next room.]
TOM: Santa??
JOEL: Wait a minute, I think maybe the Snoop Sisters are in there!
CROW: Ah, I'm gonna get a series before Stuart Margelin.
[scene reveals Johnny Mathis character]
TOM: Johnny Mathis! All right, get my gun!
JOEL: Oh, you know, it's not often you see Johnny Mathis in the wild.
TOM: Let's see, some clean underwear...
CROW: See, a Gunderoo!
[JOHN takes gun out of top drawer]
JOEL: Pssst! Don't shoot me, the burglar!
[the two women peek out]
CROW: [woman voice] So, are we gonna play Bridge?
DEANY: [whispered] We got another fish to hunt!
DON: [whispered] I'm gonna call the police.
DEANY: [whispered] No, wait!
DON: [whispering something]
DEANY: Shhhh!
[DEANY pushes a button on the wall]
JOEL: Uh, hello, this is Carlton, your doorman?
[wooden door shuts on JOHNNY MATHIS]
CROW: Cedar lattice, works every time.
TOM: [singing in Johnny Mathis voice] Chances are...huh?
[JOHNNY MATHIS looks up]
[JOHNNY MATHIS walks toward doorway with flashlight]
JOEL: If that's John Saxon, I'm dead.
[cut to the two women]
TOM: [women voice] So, are we, like, bait?
[JOHNNY walks up to cedar lattice]
CROW: We're closed!
[JOHNNY runs back]
TOM: Maaaybe I should get back to work.
DEANY: HEY!
JOEL: WHAT?
[JOHNNY MATHIS turns, DEANY fires, JOHNNY falls]
JOEL: OH!
[DEANY smiles through lattice]
SCENE 9:
[police car speeds down same busy street]
TOM: Meanwhile, on an Adam-12 episode, not far away...
[cut to interior of police car, police radio is emitting unintelligible, tinny audio,
MITCHELL is sleeping in the back seat, two policemen are in front]
JOEL: Our hero, ladies and gentleman, right here. [applauds]
CROW: He he huh huh!
[policeman talks into radio, starts siren, wakes Mitchell]
CROW: Uhhh...just five more minutes...
SCENE 10:
[car pulls into driveway]
TOM: Mitchell, honey, we're home, put your shoes on.
POLICEMAN 1: Well, private enterprise beat us to it, huh?
JOEL: Hello, public sector!
PRIVATE POLICEMAN 1: Hey, whaddya say, Jimmy?
POLICEMAN 2: Hey, Tom.
POLICEMAN 1: Where's the body?
PRIVATE POLICEMAN 1: In the den.
TOM: (fruity voice) We posed him.
PRIVATE POLICEMAN 1: You gonna need us around here?
POLICEMAN 1: Nah, that's okay, thanks.
PRIVATE POLICEMAN 1: We'll take off then. He's all yours.
POLICEMAN 1: Sure.
CROW: Aahhh, rent-a-cops, private enterprise...why don't you go back to the mall?!
POLICEMAN 1: Hey, you coming, Mitchell?
MITCHELL: Yeah...
TOM: Got any moist towlettes, rags, toilet papers?
JOEL: C'mon, Mr. "Two Years from Eye Shy," c'mon.
DEANY: I'm Walter Deany, officer, just come this way. Looks like one of those wetbacks...
JOEL, TOM and CROW: HEY!
DEANY: (obscured)...wall, pulled a gun from my gun-rack, fortunately I got to another gun sooner.
JOEL: Huh, smart.
DEANY: He grabbed that Colt. I had no choice, I had to shoot him.
CROW: Well, you're rich and white, I don't see a problem with it.
[they stand over body]
POLICEMAN 2: Pretty clean job.
JOEL: Come on, it's fun!
TOM: [Mitchell voice] You got a sofa I can stretch out on for a little while?
CROW: [Mitchell voice] Oh. There's the body.
JOEL: Hey, here, watch what happens when I step on his abdomen. [makes squishing noise]
[Mitchell whips out small plastic bag]
TOM: I think he's gonna need a bigger body bag than that...
[Mitchell puts gun in bag]
MITCHELL: All those guns loaded?
DEANY: Some of 'em. Not always sure which.
CROW: They're randomly loaded. It's a little game I play.
TOM: All your guests loaded?
[guests leave]
MITCHELL: Your guests are leaving.
DEANY: Party's over.
TOM: [singing] Time to call it a daaaay...
MITCHELL [something] leave?
DEANY: I did.
MITCHELL: There's a police investigation going on here.
JOEL: Oh, there is? I thought there was just a big slob walking around my house.
[Mitchell leaves quickly with gun in bag]
CROW: Where's the john? I'm gonna flush this.
DEANY: One of those guests has to be at his desk at eight in the morning. He's an important person. The secretary will give you their names and addresses.
TOM: And disavow any knowledge of their actions.
[Mitchell pushes button to close gate before guests can leave]
JOEL: Man, he's good.
[Mitchell runs out toward guest's car]
TOM: Mitchell! Pardon me! Mitchell!
[Mitchell bangs on car's window]
CROW: Hey, can I have a scotch?
BRUNETTE WOMAN: What's your name?
MITCHELL: Mitchell.
TOM: Hi!
MITCHELL: What's yours?
Scene 11:
[cut to Deany, talking to someone on red phone]
DEANY: Well find him, wherever he is! And raise Alex, will ya?
JOEL: Look, he's talking to Commissioner Gordon.
DEANY: And get a hold of Mastretta. Tell him to talk to Gelano.
Scene 12:
[Detectives are taping up dead body and taking pictures]
TOM: Okay, sleeve length 34, 36 inch outseam, and a 32 inch inseam!
[policeman comes into view]
CROW: Orson Bean! He's a cop!
[shot of Deany]
TOM: I told Mastretta to talk to Gelano...I think.
[Mitchell loads and unloads gun]
Scene 13:
[inside POLICE CHIEF's office in police station]
POLICE CHIEF: Mitchell?
JOEL: What??
POLICE CHIEF: People don't like you. In fact, I don't care for you myself. Why is that?
CROW: Perhaps our brief, but bitter affair.
POLICE CHIEF: You refuse to sign this report. Why?
JOEL: Duh, I'm still on the first question.
POLICE CHIEF: What kind of policeman are you, anyway? What are you gonna do, file a separate report?
MITCHELL: I don't know.
POLICE CHIEF: What _do_ you know?
TOM: I don't know.
MITCHELL: None of Deany's other guns were loaded. Now, the collection's way up high on the wall. The burglar, he only looks to be about 5-4 is all.
POLICE CHIEF: So, what does that prove?
MITCHELL: If Deany's lying, he's not gonna get away with it.
[police chief gets up]
CROW: Come over there!
POLICE CHIEF: You're gonna get me mad, Mitchell, and when that happens, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes! Now, get out!
MITCHELL: Right.
JOEL: Mitchell's a sensible cop!
POLICE CHIEF: Bead Aldrich. Lieutenant assigned him for you. And remember, don't you dare go near Deany. You forget about him.
[MITCHELL leaves office, camera pans over to booking desk, policeman have a short white man with dark glasses in custody]
TOM: They arrested Harlan Ellison!
JOEL: Good.
[MITCHELL enters another office]
LIEUTENANT: Come in, Mitchell! Take a seat.
CROW: Mom said no, huh? So you come to me, the nice cop.
JOEL: Wait, he sounds and smells like William Conrad!
LIEUTENANT: Chief Town has ordered the surveillance of a man called James Arthur Cummings.
MITCHELL: James Arthur Cummings.
LIEUTENANT: Yeah, ya heard of him?
MITCHELL: No.
LIEUTENANT: It's a 24 hour surveillance, and I want you to stay with him, until A., you bug him enough that he cracks, or B., he comes up with some kind of statement or incriminates himself concerning a crime in Mexico.
CROW: Or C., you get drunk and pass out again!
MITCHELL: Okay, who do I get?
LIEUTENANT: You get nobody.
MITCHELL: Huh?
LIEUTENANT: No-body.
MITCHELL: What do I do for sleeping, how about eating?
LIEUTENANT: Nothing's gonna happen in the middle of the night.
MITCHELL: Awwww...
TOM: I wanna eat!
LIEUTENANT: You got a 6 hour shut-eye from midnight 'til 6 AM.
JOEL: But eating!
LIEUTENANT: Now Mitchell - those are Palin's orders. [picks up phone]
You wanna call him? See Tigseye. (???) He'll take you to Cummings' place.
Scene 14:
Stakeout Scene
[TIGSEYE is dropping off MITCHELL at the stakeout.]
TIGSEYE: Import-export of stolen merchandise. That is Cummings' big scene. This week it's a big heroin hijack comes out of Mexico. Kilo. Full kilo, that's two million bucks. It may be Palin's idea of a joke, but leaning on Cummings is no joke, my friend. No-one leans on Cummings, 'cause he stamps on people. And he's got a big shoe.
MITCHELL: Let me ask you something.
TOM: Who are you?
TIGSEYE: Yeah.
MITCHELL: If Palin gave you this job of leaning on Cummings, would you say he was giving you a good assignment?
[TIGSEYE's got his thumb in his mouth]
JOEL: Oh, don't suck, honey.
TIGSEYE: I'd say that he was quietly shipping you out of the way.
MITCHELL: I'll get 'em both. Deany and Cummings.
TIGSEYE: No way. You don't get neither.
MITCHELL: That's what Palin thinks, right?
TIGSEYE: Right.
MITCHELL: Wrong.
[MITCHELL begins to exit the car]
CROW: Excuse me, I don't feel good at all! [gag]
JOEL: Hey man, thanks for driving me to my car, nice to have it pre-parked at the stakeout, see ya!
TOM: [clears throat] [sings] don't be discouraged... the man [garbled]
[MITCHELL reaches in pocket for keys]
CROW: Whoah, don't do that! Uhhuh! Whew!
Scene 15:
Cummings' place
[MITCHELL drives his car to Cummings' place and gets out of car]
TOM: Mitchell!
[MERLIN the butler gets out of Cummings' car, he wears a funny cap]
JOEL: Andy Capp?
TOM: [British voice] Boy, Flo's gonna be really mad, I'm drunk again...
[MITCHELL runs up toward driveway]
CROW: Gasp...gasp...wheeze...
[MERLIN lets Cummings out of car]
[MITCHELL runs after him]
MITCHELL: Mr. Cummings!
JOEL: Stop or my heart'll explode!
MITCHELL: Cummings! Ah, Mitchell, police department?
CUMMINGS: [garbled] not due till January, son.
MITCHELL: Ah, Mr. Cummings.
CUMMINGS: Make an appointment, son! Have your chief give me a ring.
MITCHELL: Mr. Cummings?
MERLIN: [pointing at Mitchell] No salesman at this entrance.
TOM: But I'm not a salesman! I'm the chubby blue line!
CROW: As an actor, Merlin Olsen hadn't found his instrument yet.
[MITCHELL gets back into car]
TOM: Gasp...gasp...wheeze...
[MITCHELL lights up cigarette, flame is huge for a second, Mitchell flinches]
CROW: Whoa-ho! The thing with the deal-o...
[MITCHELL reaches for his ashtray, filled with cigarette butts]
JOEL: Think there's a potato cake in here or something...
[MERLIN frowns, looks out at Mitchell]
TOM: He seems down. I'll send him a pick-me-up bouquet.
[MITCHELL opens door, dumps ashtray in the street]
CROW: Somewhere, an Indian is crying...
[MERLIN goes back into house, looking back, angry]
JOEL: Duh, I'm gonna call Ladybird Johnson.
[MITCHELL's sitting in the driver's seat, eyes closed]
CROW: [snoring noise]
[CUMMINGS appears at the window]
TOM: Fluffernutter! Uh!
CUMMINGS: All right now, what do you want?
MITCHELL: I've got some questions.
CUMMINGS: No questions.
MITCHELL: What do you know about a man named Mastretta, and some heroin hijacked down in Mexico?
CUMMINGS: Heroin?!
MITCHELL: In Port-a-Baca Mexico [port of the cow?], about a kilo, was in a truck, ambushed, hijacked, you know.
CUMMINGS: Look, Mitchell...
CROW: I'm King Hussein!
CUMMINGS: ...This is Los Angeles, California. I don't know anything about any heroin, or somebody's got his wires crossed.
MITCHELL: Oh...
JOEL: We're not in New York?!
MITCHELL: Well, I've been told to watch you, Mr. Cummings, so I guess that's what I'm gonna do.
CUMMINGS: Let me give you some advice, son...
MITCHELL: Yes, sir.
CUMMINGS: Watch out for falling rocks.
[CUMMINGS leaves]
TOM: Uh, okay. Say, you got any burgers or something in there?
JOEL: Man, I'm constantly confused.
[MITCHELL looks up in jest]
TOM: Watch out for falling rocks, huh? Stupid.
RADIO: And that was the midnight edition of the news, on KKRO.
CROW: Hey, Crow Radio!
JOEL: Good night, John Boy.
CROW: Falling rocks, I just don't get it.
[car pulls out, lights are off]
JOEL: Lights! Your lights!!
[shot pans far right to show CUMMINGS watching him drive off, he is frowning]
TOM: I miss him. [sniff]
JOEL: Well, almost time for Silk Stalkings.
[CUMMINGS picks up the phone]
CROW: Hi, Larry, I love your show!
CUMMINGS: Cummings. Get me Mastretta.
[NOTE: Joel does a series of garbled telephone responses, these are kind of hard to understand and meant to be that way]
JOEL: [completely garbled]
CUMMINGS: Mastretta, what's this about a load of merchandise I'm supposed to be shipping in?
JOEL: What do you mean, a load of merchandise?
CUMMINGS: I got cops sitting on me! They tell me this and I don't know it!
JOEL: [completely garbled]
CUMMINGS: You what?
CROW: Wearing what? Is it sheer?
CUMMINGS: Get over here, and don't argue with me.
[CUMMINGS hangs up]
[a car pulls into the driveway]
JOEL: Not THAT quickly!
[CUMMINGS gets in, MASTRETTA the driver picks his nose]
JOEL: Ah, nose candy.
CUMMINGS: Just drive around the block.
TOM: Duh, hi, dad.
Scene 16:
Driving around the Block
CROW: Loved you in _The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3._
JOEL: Hey, you want the radio? King Biscuit Flower Hour's on.
MASTRETTA: What's bugging you?
CUMMINGS: Listen, you punk, for the future, next time you start something, tell me before you start it, not afterward. And ship the dope someplace else, I got this cop on my tail.
TOM: It's just that Mitchell guy.
MASTRETTA: It's on the water, Cummings.
CUMMINGS: What's on the water?
CROW: Smoke.
MASTRETTA: The merchandise.
CUMMINGS: Well, it's not coming through MY facilities.
MASTRETTA: It can't go nowhere else.
CUMMINGS: Why not?
MASTRETTA: Why not? Because that's the way Mr. Gelano wants it.
JOEL: Uh huh, uh huh...
MASTRETTA: Because maybe it's in San Pedro now, or tomorrow. It's too late, Cummings.
TOM: Hey, look, an Applebee's. Huh.
CUMMINGS: Well, if it comes through San Pedro, I'm not gonna touch it. Understand? I will not touch it.
CROW: Heh heh! Oh.
MASTRETTA: Cummings, you are not in a position to say such things.
JOEL: You can't handle the truth!
MASTRETTA: Before you open your big mouth again, you better think of Mr. Gelano.
TOM: Oh, no... this may be the wrong ride. Are you Steve?
[Joel and bots begin to leave theater]
CUMMINGS: I say it, boy, because I mean it.
TOM: Let's go do that little...expedition we were thinking about.
JOEL: Okay.
[Joel and bots leave theater]
1-2-3-4-5-6
--
/ /\/\ steve horton
\ \ / fifth year professional writing student (cs minor) at purdue
\ / \ online web comic "the jerk store" coming soon! (really)
\_\/\ \ star wars ccg player - rating 1650 - 187th in corellia
\_\/ "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work;
I want to achieve it through not dying." - Woody Allen
Randy Golden
>FRANK: What?
>MIKE: Three Jarevic-Sevens. (????)
>
"Jarvik-7's". Artificial hearts.
Randy G.
Happy helper boy
MST Info Club #94720. E-mail welcome. Spammers, try your luck!
"I mean, Christmas, that wasn't a big deal. I'd just get something else made
out of lizards by Mom." --Spider Jerusalem, "Vertigo: Winter's Edge" #3.
Steven Thorpe a.k.a. thor
Well *jeez*, Steve, you've been teasing us about this for
so long I was wondering if we'd ever get to see it. <G>
Been pretty busy, hmmmmm.
Anyway, I'm going to print this out out at work tomorrow
and read it in toto. It's one of my favorite eps, too.
Not to mention a major turning point of the show.
--thor ("I can't come back -- I don't know how it works!")
np: earthling / david bowie
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of --
but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.
--Robert A. Heinlein, The Notebooks of Lazarus Long
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
William Heiser
>
> CUMMINGS: Heroin?!
> MITCHELL: In Port-a-Baca Mexico [port of the cow?], about a kilo, was in a truck, ambushed, hijacked, you know.
I think this is Port La Vaca...
William
Steven Horton
: Well *jeez*, Steve, you've been teasing us about this for
: so long I was wondering if we'd ever get to see it. <G>
: Been pretty busy, hmmmmm.
I posted it to the newsgroup once before ... check dejanews if you
don't believe me. :)
: Anyway, I'm going to print this out out at work tomorrow
: and read it in toto. It's one of my favorite eps, too.
: Not to mention a major turning point of the show.
Yep. I need to do a transcript of "Riding With Death" next, after I finish
this one. Riding with Death being my other favorite episode.
: --thor ("I can't come back -- I don't know how it works!")
"*This* is what I'll remember when I think of Mitchell... and I will
think of it..."
Greg Gershowitz
Horton) wrote:
>The following is an unfinished transcript of my favorite MST3K episode,
>MITCHELL, starring Joe Don Baker. I haven't worked on it for a couple years,
>but someday I'll get back to it and complete the whole thing...
You mean you can't just sit your computer in front of the TV and
fire up Naturally Speaking and have it do the work for you?
-Greg "Behind the boathouse" G
--
-Greg "TORCHA" Gershowitz
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dhmac
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> Quick note:
> >FRANK: What?
> >MIKE: Three Jarevic-Sevens. (????)
> >
>
except the patients kept dying (something that shouldn't bother Dr. F).
Jay Pennington
>TOM: [smug advertisement voice] We've hidden Mitchell somewhere in this picture.
>CROW: [50's game show host voice] Mitchell, will you stand up, please.
Monty Python "How Not To Be Seen" ref.
A fun read! :)
-Jay Pennington
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Steven Horton
: >TOM: [smug advertisement voice] We've hidden Mitchell somewhere in this picture.
: >CROW: [50's game show host voice] Mitchell, will you stand up, please.
: Monty Python "How Not To Be Seen" ref.
: A fun read! :)
Thanks. :) I love "How Not To Be Seen" BTW.
One of Python's best sketches ever.
-Steve