MSTing: A RATLIFF WEDDING 1/9
a.ca...@genie.com
[Theme song]
[1...2...3...4...5...6...]
[SOL. Crow and Tom are hanging out by the desk next to a computer monitor.
Enter Mike.]
Mike: Well, I've got a computer hookup in the theater so Nine can take part
in the experiments with us!
Crow: Huh?
Tom: Hmm. Okay, either I'm smoking crack, or that sentence just doesn't
parse at all. I'm pretty sure it's one of those two.
Mike: Come on, you remember! You know, Nine? Beta-Nine? That computer
program Dr. F. put together to automate the experiments back in post AC-6?
Crow: Are you kidding me? That post went up in like the mid-70's!
Tom: Besides, you don't really expect us to follow continuity, do you? It'll
kill our chances for syndication!
Crow: Right! Each episode has to derive from a status quo independent of all
other episodes so that the affiliates can show them out of order!
Mike: Tough. Nine escaped to the SOL at the end of the last post, and she's
still here. Right now she's checking out some of the backlog and she'll be
zapping in any minute now. Why else do you think we have the monitor out?
Crow: I thought we were gonna play some Zoop.
Tom: Zoop! Zoop!
Mike: Zorry.
[Yellow light flashes]
Mike: We'll be right back.
Crow: Nice hat.
[Commercials]
[More commercials]
[Still more commercials]
[Back on the SOL. The computer monitor flickers and Nine zaps in. It
quickly becomes obvious that her appearance is based on that of Marrissa
Amber Flores Picard.]
Nine: Well, sure, in the sense that KIDS was based on "The ABC Afterschool
Special".
Crow: Uh, who're you talking to?
Nine: Forget it. So when do we get our experiment?
[Red light flashes]
Mike: Right now. Harmony Korine's calling. [pushes button]
[Deep 13]
Dr.F.: Well, Nelson, you're in luck today. I've decided to give you a-- YOU!
[SOL]
Nine: Hey, Clay, what's up?
[Deep 13]
Dr.F.: Traitorous wench!
[SOL]
Nine: Uh, sure. Thanks for sharing, Grignr.
[Deep 13]
Dr.F.: Well, this changes everything! I =was= going to let you boys watch
that talking pig movie, but if you're keeping company with =her= you'll just
have to eat hot Ratliff! It's A ROYAL WEDDING, boobies! I hope you choke
on it.
[SOL]
Nine: Ratliff? Maybe I'll just stay out here.
Bots: Hey, no fair! We--
[Lights flash]
All: WE'VE GOT RATLIFF SIGN!
Nine: Yeah, I think I'll just hang with Gypsy for a while...
[6...5...4...3...2...1...]
Crow: Wimp.
Tom: I dunno, Crow. When this is over I doubt =she'll= be the one who's
crying.
>A Royal Wedding
Tom: --starring Fred Astaire. 1951, I believe.
Crow: Gee, Tom, we're all real impressed.
>
>by Stephen Ratliff
>
>a sequel to Anne-Lise Paush's entry in the Marrissa Stories -
>Generations 2.
Crow: Oh my God! He's got groupies!
>
>Dedicated to
>
> my Grandmother, Ocie Ratliff
Tom: "Ocie"? Boy, Ratliff really =is= a Southerner!
>
> and
>
> The Guidance department of Cave Spring High School, Roanoke, VA
Mike: "Thanks for assigning me all that time in detention so I could write
these stories!"
> Especially,
>
> Ms. Toni Tillman, head of the department and
>
> Mrs. Biggs, the secretary.
>
>Prologue
Tom: Given Ratliff's writing skills, shouldn't that be "Amateurlogue"?
> Jay Gordon believed that Marrissa was dead. They had failed to
>retrieve her from the Nexus before it was consumed by a star. No one
>could survive the heat of a star or so he though.
Mike: Marrissa, of course, can stroll through a supernova and come out with
nothing more than a boss tan.
>Now it was his duty as Acting-Captain of the Endeavor in Marrissa's absence
>to in form everyone of her death. They had just recently returned from the
>Enterprise-E to the Endeavor. Jay however could not bring himself to
>the bridge where Marrissa once sat,
Crow: --at least not until they aired it out for a few days.
>Marrissa who he loved. So instead he made the necessary announcements form
Mike: --and filled it out with a #2 pencil.
>his quarters.
> "Commander Jay Gordon to all Starfleet Personnel. I regret to
>inform you that our Captain, Princess Marrissa Amber Picard, heir to
>Essex, has parished in the line of duty.
Tom: I guess that means she's =diocesed=, huh?
Mike & Crow: *groan*
>She was the finest example of a Starfleet officer and ship's Captain. She
>will be missed by all who knew her. Gordon out." He had tried so hard to
>keep his voice even but at the end the 'Gordon out' had came out in a sob.
>The door chimed. "Come," he sobbed.
Crow: "Are you... are you crying? There's no crying in Starfleet!"
> Clara Sutter entered the room, "Jay snap out of it," where the
>first words out of her mouth. "I came to remind you not to forget to
>inform Essex of Marrissa's demise, but I think you better wait until you
>get your emotions under control."
Mike: "It's only the death of your soulmate! Suck it up, man!"
> "I am under control," Jay replied, with a sob.
Tom: This guy makes Elizabeth Wurtzel look like a guard at Buckingham Palace!
> "Not according to that last announcement," Clara said. "Why
>don't you go see Counselor Sussex."
> "I can't go see Martin," Jay replied.
Crow: "I don't get Fox where I live!"
>"I can't go see him after letting his cousin down. He will blame me."
> "I'm Marrissa's cousin and I'm not blaming you," Clara replied.
>"Just go see him Jay."
>
> Meanwhile on Earth, millions of years ago,
Tom: Ratliff seems to hold the geologist's perspective on "meanwhile."
Mike: Yeah. It's like, "Today Bob Dole wrapped up the Republican nomination.
Meanwhile, dinosaurs roamed the earth."
Crow: I don't see any contradiction there.
>Marrissa was sitting back against a rock
Nine [zapping in]: She doesn't look =that= much like me!
Mike: No, she's... older...
Crow: But not that much older...
Tom: You figure seventeen, maybe? Eighteen?
>thinking of how the previous mission had gone. As far as she new the rest
>of the crew had succeeded and the Nexus was gone. Then suddenly Q appeared.
Nine: How convenient!
Mike: Oh, this is a well-foreshadowed plot development compared to Ratliff's
usual. Stick around, you'll see.
Nine: Sure, okay. I don't have any particular drive to go listen to more
fabulous facts about Richard Basehart.
>"Nice of you to stop by Q," Marrissa said. "Would you mind giving me a
>lift back to the Endeavor?"
Tom [Q]: "No! I don't go to Queens!"
> "Oh I will after we have another of our chats," Q replied.
Nine [Marrissa]: "Fine, fine. *sigh* Okay, I'm wearing a Starfleet uniform,
but it's oh so hot in here, and I think I'll just take it off, and--"
>"I've been watching your crew. They think you are dead."
> "Well then Q I think I can give you a little of that
>entertainment you enjoy so much," Marrissa grinned.
> "You really think you can come up with something to entertain
>me," Q replied.
Mike [Marrissa]: "Well, that talking pig movie is out on video now and I've
got a Blockbuster card..."
> "Haven't I done just that before?" Marrissa said.
> "True, but never deliberately," Q responded.
Crow [Marrissa]: "Shut up! I =meant= to slip on that banana peel!"
> "Well then consider this phrase, 'the rumors of my death have
>been greatly exaggerated,'" Marrissa offered.
> "I see what you mean," Q laughed.
Mike: "Ha ha ha! The fact that you consider that timeworn cliche a fresh
and witty retort amuses me to no end!"
>"Where do you want to start?"
> "My ready room when Jay walks in I want to be standing beside the
>door," Marrissa replied. "Then I think ..."
>
>Chapter One
Crow: That was the =prologue=??
Tom: This is gonna be a looooong experiment, guys.
>
> After a visit to the Ship's Counselor, Martin Sussex, Jay had
>decided it would be a good idea to visit the bridge and the ready room
>which was now his.
Crow: For some reason he thought it'd be an even better idea to put on a Bob
Seger record and take off his pants first.
> As he entered the bridge, Alexander, who Marrissa had left in
>command when she left on that last mission, spoke up, "I was wondering
>when you would return to the bridge."
Tom: "While you were gone I bid three spades."
> "And you keep command for the past three to four shifts, just so
>you could see me," Jay replied.
Mike [Alexander]: "Has it been that long? Man, time flies when you're
bombarding nearby planets with photon torpedoes."
>"Haven't I told you not to do that?"
> "Five shifts, and no you haven't, Marrissa has," Alexander
>replied.
> "That's right on my recommendations,
Tom: Oh, I'm sure! And I suppose the cotton gin was your idea too?
>but you will have to serve another shift," Jay replied. "If you chose to
>stay up that long I'm making sure you are very tried when you get off duty
>even If I have to chase you around the ship, is that clear Lieutenant?"
> "Aye sir."
Crow [Alexander]: "But isn't it Ensign Benny Hill's job to chase people
around the ship?"
> "I'll be in the Ready Room if you need me, and when this shift
>is over we are doing laps around deck 9," Jay said, entering the ready
>room.
Mike: Maybe I'm just being dense, but... WHAT DOES RUNNING LAPS HAVE TO DO
WITH ANYTHING??
>
> As the ready room door opened, Marrissa barely suppressed a
>giggle. Jay entered the room and moved around her desk. As he began to
>sit down in her chair she said. "To quote my father, 'I believe you are
>sitting in my chair.'"
Tom: Some aphorisms are so chock full of wisdom they apply in nearly any
situation!
> Jay looked up, startled. "Marrissa?" he said.
> "Yes, who else would it be?" she replied.
Crow: "Well, sometimes Clara comes in here and does doughnuts on your swivel
chair..."
> "But how?" Jay asked.
Mike: "To find out how Encyclopedia Brown solved The Case of the Missing
Marrissa, turn to page 74!"
> "Well when I realized that you had failed to lock on to me,"
>Marrissa said. "I searched for away out. I remembered my father had
>gotten out with by wanting to go to a specific place. So since I
>couldn't decide on a place I just though I want to go Home. I ended up
Tom: "--sliding into the plate at Fenway!"
>on earth about millions of years ago. Then Q stopped by and gave me a
>lift."
> Jay just stood there.
Crow: Ah, Ratliff's been taking writing lessons from Neal Mentech!
>Then suddenly he walked around the desk and kneeled before Marrissa, "I
>love you, Marrissa. Will you marry me?"
> "Yes, I will Jay, remind me to suggest faking a death to Clara,"
>Marrissa replied.
Nine: "After all, once she's married she'll need to have her faking skills in
top form!"
> "Why," Jay asked standing up.
Mike: Wouldn't a more appropriate question be, "How come you're acting like
my marriage proposal was no more important than if I'd offered you a piece
of toast?"
> "She has been working on getting Alex to marry her as long as I
>have been with you," Marrissa replied, then with a glimmer in her eyes
>continued.
Tom: "Machiavellian scheming makes me feel all warm and fuzzy!"
>"Personally I think your proposal is a result of relief that you won't have
>to take command permanently."
> "It most certain ..." Jay began, then noticing Marrissa's grin
>he stopped.
Crow: "Um, look, once we're married you =will= start brushing your teeth,
right?"
>"You would think that after ten years I wouldn't fall for it." he shook his
>head.
> "You've got the rest of my life to try, but don't think your
>going to succeed," Marrissa said. "Now if you don't mind, Q!"
> Q appeared.
Tom [Q]: "See that camera over there, Jay? You're on Totally Hidden Video!"
>"I see what you mean by entertaining," he said.
Mike: "It's nothing close to what =I= would consider entertaining, but now I
see how =you= define the term. Sad, really."
> "Thanks for rescuing Marrissa," Jay said.
> "It was my pleasure as you can see," Q replied. "Who do you
>want to surprise next?"
Crow: Q seems to have lurched into full-on slumber-party mode!
> "How about Doctor Johnson," Marrissa responded. "He should be
>getting around to filling out my death certificate about now."
> "He does hate to do that doesn't he," Jay commented.
Mike: On the other hand, the rest of us put Marrissa's name on death
certificates over and over again just to relieve stress.
> "Yes he does," Marrissa replied. "Oh and Jay when you go back
>to the bridge don't tell Alex. Instead make him take his laps around
>Engineering. I think it would be more entertaining if he and Clara
>found out about my return around the same time."
Tom: If only =Ratliff= spent this much time trying to be entertaining!
Mike: Unfortunately, he =does= have the same amount of success.
> "Aye sir. Plus you can't keep a secret from one of them if you
>tell the other."
> "Now go sit in that chair you've been avoiding for the last two
>days," Marrissa ordered her fiancee.
Crow: She's got a =fiancee= too? Wow, she really =is= a swinger!
>"Q, Doctor Johnson's Office if you will."
>
> Marrissa appeared next to the Doctor's terminal. She turned it
>to discover that it was
Nine: --the STD test results for the entire crew. She quickly filed it away
in her account with the diary records she'd found the week before.
>a reminder from Clara to fill out her death certificate.
Mike: Oddly, it was dated long before the "mishap" with the Nexus...
>As soon as she finished reading it Doctor Jackson Johnson entered his
>office. "Ah, Doctor, I believe you won't be needing this reminder,"
>Marrissa said.
> "Captain?" was the Doctor's puzzled reply.
Tom: No, Tennille. Close, though.
> "Let's see, I believe you will want a full exam before you will
>believe that it is really me," Marrissa replied. "Fair enough, I'm
>overdue for a physical anyway."
Nine: "A pelvic exam would really hit the spot right about now!"
> Recovering from his shock, the Doctor said, "All right, right
>this way. You certainly sound like Captain Picard, although the Picard
>family is known to try avoiding physicals by all the Doctors in the
>Federation."
Mike: Yet strangely, they welcome physicals by the plumbers!
> "I admit, I've just accepted a marriage proposal and Q is on
>board but, other than that, why should I sound different?" Marrissa
>asked.
Crow: "The trials and tribulations of you mortals don't affect me in the
least!"
> "I have no idea," Doctor Johnson said. "Perhaps because you were
>reported dead."
> "I'll have to talk to Captain Riker about that," Marrissa replied.
>"I really wish he'd be more careful about calling people dead."
Tom: Well, it's too late to change the paperwork. If it's incorrect we'll
just have to =make= it accurate...
>
> After finishing her physical, Marrissa, called for Q to transport
>her to Jeffrey's tube 21 next to Main Engineering. The nice thing about
>Jeffrey's tube 21, as Marrissa had discovered when she took command of the
>Endeavor was that inside it you could hear all the conversation thoughout
>Engineering. Marrissa was about too take advantage of that now.
Crow: Jeez! Big Sister is watching you.
>"Alexander Rozhenko, I see you finally left the bridge, and Jay, you just
>got to it," Clara's voice said. "What did I tell you about running though
>Engineering?"
Mike: "And even worse, you're carrying =scissors=!
> "That you would make sure that the Captain would make life
>miserable for both of us," was Jay's reply.
> "And since, Jay is now Acting-Captain, that threat just became
>empty," Alexander said.
Tom: The glee is mutual, buddy.
> Perfect, Marrissa thought, I couldn't have a better cue if I
>scripted it myself.
Crow: Considering how you've got the author wrapped around your finger, you
sorta =did= script it yourself...
>Marrissa got out of the Jeffrey's tube and entered Main Engineering on the
>Endeavor. "What's that about an empty threat?" she asked.
> "Marrissa! I thought you where dead," Clara said loudly.
> "You should have known better," Marrissa replied.
Mike [Marrissa]: "Silly! =I= can't die!"
>"I'm not about to let you get any closer to the throne. As I promised, your
>Engineering career is safe. Alex, you seem speechless."
> The Klingon replied, "To tell the truth I'm wonder where you
>came from."
Crow: "Well, my mommy and daddy loved each other very much and then one
day--"
> "Jeffrey's tube 24," Marrissa replied.
Mike: Well, I guess that's more polite than most of the slang I know for that
part of the anatomy...
> "No ..."
> "... Before that," Marrissa completed.
> Then Q appeared leaning on the Warp Core and standing on the rail
>surrounding it. "Your were right, Captain, this is entertaining," he said.
Nine: I take it this Q fellow is the type who gets hours of amusement out of
the placemats at Burger King.
> "That explains it," Alexander said. "Q isn't going to let
>anyone harm his favorite source of entertainment."
Tom: Too bad he isn't a MSTie. We could've used him.
> "The Picard family has provided me with much amusement in the last
>couple decades," Q commented. "It would be a shame to lose any of them.
>Even though Jean-Luc has been such a bore since he became
Mike: "--a Ratliff character."
>Fleet Admiral."
> "Q, if you don't mind, I'd like you to get off my warp engines,"
>Clara said. "As for Marrissa here. If you ever make me thing you are
>dead again ..."
> "You know I can't promise you that, Clara," Marrissa said.
Nine: And she certainly can't promise Jay that.
>"We've got one more stop before I make my 'rumors' announcement.
Crow: You should've gone before we left!
>Who wants to join my surprise on Ross Lochard?"
> "I can't wait to see this," Clara said.
> "I agree, Ross has suffered though so much of our teasing it's a
>wonder he came abroad," Jay added.
> "I certainly want to see what you have up your sleeve for Ross,"
>Alexander commented.
Nine: "And then afterwards we can all play a big game of MASH!"
> "Well then Q, have Captain Riker call for the Commanding Officer
>of the Endeavor, and make sure that he asks for it exactly that way,"
>Marrissa ordered.
> "I've been meaning to call on Riker for quite some time," Q
>replied before disappearing.
Mike: Well, sure, he's only been waving his hand around for the last half
hour.
Crow: "Ooh! Ooh! Me, Mistah Kottah, me!"
> "Well, Princess and Gentlemen, I think we are about to be needed
>on the bridge," Marrissa said. "I wish you hadn't made that announcement,
>Jay. I'm getting tried of those shocked expressions on my crew's faces."
Tom: She keeps =saying= they're shocked, but in scene after scene when people
learn of Marrissa's survival they seem at most mildly nonplussed.
> "I didn't know you where alive," Jay replied. "So don't blame
>me for your ride running late."
>
[Commercials]
[Continued in Part 2]
Rei Nakazawa
Rob Bowell <rbo...@monmouth.com> wrote:
> Whew. That /was/ funny, but as I laughed at it, I felt /really/ bad.
>I mean, it seems like this is some kid, doing his best to write some stories
>(call reading the MSTing a /really/ guilty pleasure). Has he done something
>horrendous to deserve this treatment?
1) He's not a "kid." He's in college. Are you scared yet?
2) This is just one of many, MANY stories. While this one has better spelling
and grammar, all are equally unlikely, plotless, and pointless. And I'm sorry
to say that I TOTALLY forgot who had the WWW archive of Ratliff MSTings.
Whoever it was, I apologize for forgetting you, and please speak up.
If you dare, Rob, go there and see his... other work... <shudder>
3) When/if you read these other stories, observe the nigh-obsessiveness
with which he writes Marrissa. This is very, VERY creepy, the way
the universe revolves around her, the creeping sexuality that... AHEM.
You'll see.
If you need more, please ask. I couldn't forget if I wanted to, but I'm
not sure I can go on much longer at the moment without running for the
hills, screaming...
Rei "Leaper" Nakazawa
AH!
Rob Bowell
I mean, it seems like this is some kid, doing his best to write some stories
(call reading the MSTing a /really/ guilty pleasure). Has he done something
horrendous to deserve this treatment?
Stay pink, soft and oily,
Rob Bowell
**********************************************************
They're hardly divisible, sir-well, I can do you blood
and love without the rhetoric, and I can do you blood
and rhetoric without the love, and I can do you all
three concurrent or consecutive, but I can't do you love
and rhetoric without the blood. Blood, is compulsory-
they're all blood, you see.
-The Player in Tom Stoppard's "Rosencrantz and
Guildenstern are Dead"
**********************************************************
Mike Barklage
>2) This is just one of many, MANY stories. While this one has better spelling
>and grammar, all are equally unlikely, plotless, and pointless. And I'm sorry
>to say that I TOTALLY forgot who had the WWW archive of Ratliff MSTings.
>Whoever it was, I apologize for forgetting you, and please speak up.
>If you dare, Rob, go there and see his... other work... <shudder>
The address is in my .sig...
Mike Barklage... and I *suppose* I forgive you for forgetting me...
bark...@ucsu.colorado.edu -- MSTie #19634 -- For Ed Wood items, MSTings, and
the ST:Voyager MSTing archive, go to http://rtt.colorado.edu/~barklage/
"Freedom's just another word for not caring about the quality of your work."
- Dilbert
Rob Bowell
naka...@phakt.usc.edu (Rei Nakazawa) wrote:
>In article <4l9gq0$3...@news.monmouth.com>,
>Rob Bowell <rbo...@monmouth.com> wrote:
>>I mean, it seems like this is some kid, doing his best to write some stories
>>(call reading the MSTing a /really/ guilty pleasure). Has he done something
>>horrendous to deserve this treatment?
>
Quaking.
>2) This is just one of many, MANY stories. While this one has better
>spelling
>and grammar, all are equally unlikely, plotless, and pointless. And I'm
>sorry
>to say that I TOTALLY forgot who had the WWW archive of Ratliff MSTings.
>Whoever it was, I apologize for forgetting you, and please speak up.
>If you dare, Rob, go there and see his... other work... <shudder>
I did. I downloaded all the ones on the site. If anyone still has
access to the Ratliff wedding still (my newsreader delete msgs after I read
'em), could you please email them to me at rbo...@monmouth.com?
>3) When/if you read these other stories, observe the nigh-obsessiveness
>with which he writes Marrissa. This is very, VERY creepy, the way
>the universe revolves around her, the creeping sexuality that... AHEM.
>You'll see.
It is pretty scary. I want to withdraw my complaint about the MSTing
in the first place. The guy's in college, we can feel free to rip into him
(his writing /is/ pure evil).
Stephen Ratliff
: In article <4l9gq0$3...@news.monmouth.com>,
: Rob Bowell <rbo...@monmouth.com> wrote:
: > Whew. That /was/ funny, but as I laughed at it, I felt /really/ bad.
: >I mean, it seems like this is some kid, doing his best to write some stories
: >(call reading the MSTing a /really/ guilty pleasure). Has he done something
: >horrendous to deserve this treatment?
:
: 1) He's not a "kid." He's in college. Are you scared yet?
: 2) This is just one of many, MANY stories. While this one has better spelling
: and grammar, all are equally unlikely, plotless, and pointless. And I'm sorry
: to say that I TOTALLY forgot who had the WWW archive of Ratliff MSTings.
: Whoever it was, I apologize for forgetting you, and please speak up.
: If you dare, Rob, go there and see his... other work... <shudder>
You know Rei ... I've asked for feedback in my posts on ASC. I've
recieved none from you (or any of the others who have made comments
here) I do note your comments on my improved grammer and spelling.
However the plotless comment ... excuse me I've recieved compliments on
my later plots. I freely admit I'm still learning ... but my plots are
hardly non existant
: 3) When/if you read these other stories, observe the nigh-obsessiveness
: with which he writes Marrissa. This is very, VERY creepy, the way
: the universe revolves around her, the creeping sexuality that... AHEM.
: You'll see.
that review of the Hornblower Series?
:
: If you need more, please ask. I couldn't forget if I wanted to, but I'm
: not sure I can go on much longer at the moment without running for the
: hills, screaming...
much better source than ASC)
Stephen Ratliff
PS
I wish you all would have had said your comments to me instead of
posting them to a group which I didn't frequent (of coarse I'm rectifing
that matter now) Taking behind a persons back is not polite.
--
Stephen Ratliff CS Major, Radford University.
srat...@runet.edu Marrissa Stories Author
homepage: http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/
Maintainer for the FAQs on alt.startrek.creative
"Wait until you have four pips on that collar, you'll wish you'd gone
into botany"
- Captain Benjiman Sisko, DS9 "Rules of Engagement"
Jamie Plummer
: naka...@phakt.usc.edu (Rei Nakazawa) wrote:
: >3) When/if you read these other stories, observe the nigh-obsessiveness
: >with which he writes Marrissa. This is very, VERY creepy, the way
: >the universe revolves around her, the creeping sexuality that... AHEM.
: >You'll see.
: It is pretty scary. I want to withdraw my complaint about the MSTing
: in the first place. The guy's in college, we can feel free to rip into him
: (his writing /is/ pure evil).
Ladies, gentlemen, T-Bone: meet my co-defendants.
So guys, do you think Ted Hoffman is ready to do some pro bono
work?
Jamie, still giggling.
--
Jamie Plummer jc...@faraday.clas.virginia.edu
Save MST!!! got to http://faraday.clas.virginia.edu/~jcp9j/canceled.html
"Ask yourself if you have what it takes to be a columnist... do you have enough self-confidence so that after studying a magazine article on brain
surgery for 20 minutes, you feel comfortable giving a lecture to a thousand brain surgeons on what's wrong with their profession?" - David Brooks
Brian Pacula
Bowell) wrote:
> In article <4l9kjk$m...@phakt.usc.edu>,
> naka...@phakt.usc.edu (Rei Nakazawa) wrote:
> >In article <4l9gq0$3...@news.monmouth.com>,
> >Rob Bowell <rbo...@monmouth.com> wrote:
> >> Whew. That /was/ funny, but as I laughed at it, I felt /really/ bad.
> >>I mean, it seems like this is some kid, doing his best to write some
stories
> >>(call reading the MSTing a /really/ guilty pleasure). Has he done
something
> >>horrendous to deserve this treatment?
> >
> >1) He's not a "kid." He's in college. Are you scared yet?
>
> Quaking.
>
> >2) This is just one of many, MANY stories. While this one has better
> >spelling
> >and grammar, all are equally unlikely, plotless, and pointless. And I'm
> >sorry
> >to say that I TOTALLY forgot who had the WWW archive of Ratliff MSTings.
> >Whoever it was, I apologize for forgetting you, and please speak up.
> >If you dare, Rob, go there and see his... other work... <shudder>
>
> I did. I downloaded all the ones on the site. If anyone still has
> access to the Ratliff wedding still (my newsreader delete msgs after I read
> 'em), could you please email them to me at rbo...@monmouth.com?
>
> >3) When/if you read these other stories, observe the nigh-obsessiveness
> >with which he writes Marrissa. This is very, VERY creepy, the way
> >the universe revolves around her, the creeping sexuality that... AHEM.
> >You'll see.
>
> It is pretty scary. I want to withdraw my complaint about the MSTing
> in the first place. The guy's in college, we can feel free to rip into him
> (his writing /is/ pure evil).
To truly know the horror that is Stephen Ratliff, visit his web site. I don't
know the URL offhand but you can find it in his .sig, which can readily be
found
in a.s.creative, where he is the FAQ maintainer (he's *into* this stuff). Trust
me -- his web site is one of those things that makes you feel all weird, upset,
and clammy.
-- Brian Pacula (http://users.aol.com/gb8b/)