Free Sex Links!! 3354
Jess Nevins
know about?
jess
Robert Hutchinson
We're looking for sex!
*piles bratwurst onto Jess' plate*
Robert Hutchinson
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Share what you know. Learn what you don't.
Michael Clear
Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote...
> Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> know about?
>
> jess
Free Sex Links...They're Good!
Michael Clear
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.capital.net/~maclear
Updated 5/31/99
Spammers: hold up 3 fingers and read my e-mail address
Everyone else: remove read.between.the.lines to e-mail me.
Jello
: Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote...
:> Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
:> know about?
:>
:> jess
: Free Sex Links...They're Good!
Can you really call anything that's free bad?
: Michael Clear
jello. What I do for the sake of conversation.
____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ____
gt5...@prism.gatech.edu Anime O-tekku Treasurer
www.photobooks.com/~jello/ratmm A.I.D.S. Member #138
www.prism.gatech.edu/~gt5568a/ao ICQ # 12147300
www.photobooks.com/~jello/tailor.html MSTie #59744
____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ____
Jeffrey Johnson
>Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote...
>> Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
>> know about?
>>
>> jess
>
>Free Sex Links...They're Good!
I usually get the Louisiana Sex Link with Russian Honey mustard. Now that
is *spicy*.
JSJ1TG, inhale the wrong way on that mustard and *POW!* *WHAMMO!*
----------------------------------------------------------------
"Martha, don't make me put your picture up on my wheel."
-Joe Blevins, in 'Come Back To The Blood Waters Of Dr. Z, Dr. Z'
----------------------------------------------------------------
K-Y Mellie
wrote:
>Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
>know about?
Well, Odie *is* Jimmy Dean's neighbor... I bet she coaxed him into trying a
whole different kind of sausage...
And now it's time for break down... ::dances stupidly in lame blue pants:: Oh!
¡Esto! ::shakes ass in bad little sequined dress:: Oh! ¡Esto!
ky mellie (disobediant cows)
,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,
Visit Super Mel's Sheep Ranch!
"I swear to God, if I ever squeege out a child and
not eat it like a mantis, I want it to be like him."
... #ratmm's Odie
http://sheepranch.home.mindspring.com
Lori Holuta
>
> Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote...
> > Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> > know about?
> >
>
> Free Sex Links...They're Good!
>
Yes! Free the Sex Links. They've been oppressed too long. Let's have a
march! Free the Sex Links! We shall overcome!
--
Lori - MSTie #34964
Official Unofficial Prop Diva of RATMM & Comptroller of G.E.E.K.S.
A Tribute To John Agar http://www.msu.edu/user/holuta/agar/agar.htm
Lori's Victory Garden http://www.msu.edu/user/holuta/links/links.htm
The Crusade to Save Crusade - http://www.msu.edu/user/holuta/
Remove the Spoo (Yum!) to respond via e-mail.
"Handy fact: Paper clips are larval coat hangers." - Jean
Jeffrey Johnson
: Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote...
:> Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
:> know about?
:>
:> jess
: Free Sex Links...They're Good!
Do they plump when you cook 'em?
--
Jeffrey Johnson
jaj94(at)concentric(dot)net
Ok, going for the obvious entendre again
James A. Wolf
>Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
>know about?
>
Nobody should watch saussage or web pages being made!
<*> James A. Wolf - jaw...@tiac.net - www.tiac.net/users/jawolf <*>
"The jawbone of an ass is just |"How can we explain adolescent behavior in
as dangerous a weapon today as |adolescents, when we can't explain adolescent
in Samson's time." Richard Nixon |behavior in our President?" Rush Limbaugh
EvilJen
Jeffrey Johnson <ez04...@mailbox.ucdavis.edu> wrote in article
<Pine.GSO.4.10.990610...@dilbert.ucdavis.edu>...
> On Thu, 10 Jun 1999, Michael Clear wrote:
> >Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote...
> >> Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> >> know about?
> >>
> >> jess
> >
> >Free Sex Links...They're Good!
>
> I usually get the Louisiana Sex Link with Russian Honey mustard. Now
that
*yells across the lake*
Charlie Wilson is cooking Johnsonville Sex Links!
*echo*
Johnsonville Sex Links! Johnsonville Sex Links!
EJ, I love 'em with sauerkraut.
Jean
>
> jjne...@ix.netcom.com wrote:
> > Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> > know about?
> >
> > jess
>
>
> *piles bratwurst onto Jess' plate*
You sure this isn't about golf?
Jean
Par
Brock LaReau: the Wall Of Sound
<ser...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>jjne...@ix.netcom.com wrote:
>> Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
>> know about?
>>
>> jess
>
>We're looking for sex!
>
>*piles bratwurst onto Jess' plate*
>
>Robert Hutchinson
>
hey kids! who wants sex??
Brock LaReau: the Wall Of Sound
Jean
> Yes! Free the Sex Links. They've been oppressed too long. Let's have a
> march! Free the Sex Links! We shall overcome!
This is the result of reading Hooked on Phonics upside down. It's Free
Six Lynx. They are an endangered species, and the humane society is
passing them out to all people who have good homes for them.
Jean
Purr
The Midnight Rambler
Robert Hutchinson wrote:
> jjne...@ix.netcom.com wrote:
> > Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> > know about?
> >
> > jess
>
> We're looking for sex!
*slam*
> *piles bratwurst onto Jess' plate*
Look kids! Big Ben! Parliament!
--
Another French quatrain about the Anti-Christ from
Lonesome Rob Fontenot, The Midnight Rambler
------------------------------------------------
http://home.earthlink.net/~rfontenot/bigrob.html
------------------------------------------------
"People look better when they're arrested." -- John Waters
EvilJen
The Midnight Rambler <rfon...@earthlink.net> wrote in article
<3760403C...@earthlink.net>...
>
>
> Robert Hutchinson wrote:
>
> > jjne...@ix.netcom.com wrote:
> > > Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> > > know about?
> > >
> > > jess
> >
> > We're looking for sex!
>
> *slam*
>
> > *piles bratwurst onto Jess' plate*
The Bank of America.
> Look kids! Big Ben! Parliament!
EJ, who had to say that 3 or 5 or 17 times during her week in London.
Steven Thorpe
Jello wrote:
> Michael Clear wrote:
> : Jess Nevins wrote:
> :> Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> :> know about?
> : Free Sex Links...They're Good!
> Can you really call anything that's free bad?
There ain't no such thing as a free sex lunch!
--thor
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Want to experience early MST3K? Visit Scott Gettman's Sloe Gin Circus
and read my Illustrated Season One MST3K transcript THE SLIME PEOPLE.
Goto: http://www.sloegincircus.com/ and click on Season One - 108 Slime
People - skits. It's the next best thing to actually seeing it!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Michael Clear
Jean <bu...@verinet.com> wrote in message news:37602F...@verinet.com...
Of course, they do have a tendency to maim or even kill their owners, but
what in life doesn't come with a little risk?
Jean
> > This is the result of reading Hooked on Phonics upside down. It's Free
> > Six Lynx. They are an endangered species, and the humane society is
> > passing them out to all people who have good homes for them.
>
> Of course, they do have a tendency to maim or even kill their owners, but
> what in life doesn't come with a little risk?
Yes, this has been the biggest complaint regarding the humane society.
As soon as you walk in the door, all unsuspecting, looking for that
perfect pet to love and give love in return, to say nothing of keeping
your toes warm at night, you are blind-sided by an evil humane society
worker who will maim and kill you, chop you up, and feed you to the six
lynx which *nobody* wants to adopt because they're meaner than
constipated snakes. However, they have a union (the humane society
workers, not the lynx or the snakes, but negotiations are in progress)
that immediately renders their depositions invalid and inadmissible once
and indictment is handed down. Upside, we got some real well-fed and
chubby endangered species who sit around all day watching soaps and
spending your tax dollars gawking and purring at naked feline websites.
Jean
Owns a goldfish
Jeffrey Johnson
Actually, I've decided not to make this joke. But I'll at least inform
y'all of that decision.
>Jean
>Owns a goldfish
Just make sure you don't bring it around my house...
JSJIchthybaneTG
OdiePal
>Well, Odie *is* Jimmy Dean's neighbor... I bet she coaxed him into trying a
>whole different kind of sausage...
Whoa! I can't believe you remember that, Mellie! I'm impressed. But then, I'm
always impressed by you. You never cease to amaze me. Or make me sore. Sore
from laughing. Yeah. That's it. ::leer::
Also, Clear's Own is introducing a new Can of Gravy Bits to pour over your Free
Sex Links. Look for them in the canned meat section.
Drama Queen,
Christine
"You know, we have our games. And we like to pretend we’re Amish so we can
have sex. Is that wrong? BUT NO! you’d rather listen to a washed up beach
boy." -Mellie
Michael Clear
OdiePal <odi...@aol.comoo> wrote in message
news:19990611012605...@ng-fw1.aol.com...
> Mistress Mellie wrote:
>
> >Well, Odie *is* Jimmy Dean's neighbor... I bet she coaxed him into
trying a
> >whole different kind of sausage...
>
> Whoa! I can't believe you remember that, Mellie! I'm impressed. But then,
I'm
> always impressed by you. You never cease to amaze me. Or make me sore.
Sore
> from laughing. Yeah. That's it. ::leer::
>
> Also, Clear's Own is introducing a new Can of Gravy Bits to pour over
your Free
> Sex Links. Look for them in the canned meat section.
Actually, the FDA has banned that because some stupid school kids died
after eating it. I said, "So, like, don't feed it to school kids," but they
didn't listen. I found out later that it had something to do with my bribe
not being large enough.
Jess Nevins
>
> Jello wrote:
> > Michael Clear wrote:
> > : Jess Nevins wrote:
>
> > :> Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> > :> know about?
>
> > : Free Sex Links...They're Good!
>
> > Can you really call anything that's free bad?
>
> There ain't no such thing as a free sex lunch!
There isn't?
Then why haven't I been getting my bills?
jess, will have to talk to his "accountant"
Jess Nevins
>
> Robert Hutchinson wrote:
> >
> > jjne...@ix.netcom.com wrote:
> > > Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> > > know about?
> > >
> >
> > We're looking for sex!
> >
>
Not unless I'm using a wood.
jess
Julia
>
> Jeffrey Johnson <ez04...@mailbox.ucdavis.edu> wrote in article
> <Pine.GSO.4.10.990610...@dilbert.ucdavis.edu>...
> > >Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote...
> > >> Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> > >> know about?
> > >>
> > >> jess
> > >
> >
> that
>
> *yells across the lake*
>
> Charlie Wilson is cooking Johnsonville Sex Links!
>
> *echo*
>
> Johnsonville Sex Links! Johnsonville Sex Links!
Jen, I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you now.
Nothing personal, you understand. It's just... you reminded me of that
guy. I can't even begin to tell you how genuinely *angry* I get seeing
that guy's smug little smarmy face as he prepares to inform the entire
freaking resort community that one poor innocent guy is grilling himself
and perhaps his family a damn sausage or two. Then to stand there on the
edge of the dock motioning everyone over to poor Charlie's grill, all
self-satisfied and smirking.... Gah.
So many times now I've thought, "if only I could reach through the
screen and push that guy right off the dock..."
Julia - yes, I am aware that it's a commercial, I should really just
relax. But I *hate* that guy!
--
jso...@rocketmail.com ICQ 3171115
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/3722
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I imagine most unknown houses as big, poorly lit, and
with lots of wooden stuff. - #ratmm's Robert
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Robert Hutchinson
> EvilJen wrote:
> > *yells across the lake*
> >
> > Charlie Wilson is cooking Johnsonville Sex Links!
> >
> > *echo*
> >
> > Johnsonville Sex Links! Johnsonville Sex Links!
>
> Jen, I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you now.
>
> Nothing personal, you understand. It's just... you reminded me of that
> guy. I can't even begin to tell you how genuinely *angry* I get seeing
> that guy's smug little smarmy face as he prepares to inform the entire
> freaking resort community that one poor innocent guy is grilling
> himself and perhaps his family a damn sausage or two. Then to stand
> there on the edge of the dock motioning everyone over to poor
> Charlie's grill, all self-satisfied and smirking.... Gah.
<rob> Brain! Out! Now! </rob>
> So many times now I've thought, "if only I could reach through the
> screen and push that guy right off the dock..."
I wanna push the big guy who lumbers up there so quickly into the water.
Then I want to take the scalding-hot, grease-covered spatula and drive
it into the "friend's" eyes and--
*sees all of RATMM staring at him strangely*
Ah ... ahem. Never mind.
> Julia - yes, I am aware that it's a commercial, I should really just
> relax. But I *hate* that guy!
I wonder what demographic these types of commercials attract ...
certainly not me. Keep your Milk of Magnesia, you sick old woman.
Robert Hutchinson
Feeling much calmer now. Really. :)
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Share what you know. Learn what you don't.
Lori Holuta
> Lori Holuta wrote:
>
> > Yes! Free the Sex Links. They've been oppressed too long. Let's have
a
> > march! Free the Sex Links! We shall overcome!
>
> Six Lynx. They are an endangered species, and the humane society is
> passing them out to all people who have good homes for them.
>
increase in hospital admissions just after I finished reading the Kama
Sutra...
As for a good home for those Six Lynx, after reading your description, I'm
nominating my former employer as an adoptee.
Bill Livingston
>On Thu, 10 Jun 1999, Jean wrote:
>>Jean
>>Owns a goldfish
>
>Just make sure you don't bring it around my house...
>JSJIchthybaneTG
Jeffrey, honey, you never had a fish. Remember what the doctor said about
that?
Bill L.
Just take your little blue pills, that's right.
#######################################################################
bi...@Traveller.COM http://www.hsv.tis.net/~bill
He that is of a merry heart hath
a continual feast - Prov. 15:15b
Steven Thorpe
Jess Nevins wrote:
> Steven Thorpe wrote:
> > Jello wrote:
> > > Michael Clear wrote:
> > > : Jess Nevins wrote:
> > > :> Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> > > :> know about?
> > > : Free Sex Links...They're Good!
> > > Can you really call anything that's free bad?
> > There ain't no such thing as a free sex lunch!
> There isn't?
> Then why haven't I been getting my bills?
> jess, will have to talk to his "accountant"
Oh you're probably still on the first "100 hours
free." Look on the back of the package the disc
came in.
--thor (Better read the fine print, though. You'll be
*amazed* at what it's going to cost you later. <G>)
Steven Thorpe
Robert Hutchinson wrote:
> Julia wrote:
> > So many times now I've thought, "if only I could reach through the
> > screen and push that guy right off the dock..."
> I wanna push the big guy who lumbers up there so quickly into the water.
> Then I want to take the scalding-hot, grease-covered spatula and drive
> it into the "friend's" eyes and--
> *sees all of RATMM staring at him strangely*
> Ah ... ahem. Never mind.
Ummm, you guys seem a little . . . *tense*
--thor (But I'm sure it's nothing a good Johnsonville Sex Link
won't cure . . . )
Jeffrey Johnson
>Previously on "Seaquest", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>On Thu, 10 Jun 1999, Jean wrote:
>>>Jean
>>>Owns a goldfish
>>
>>Just make sure you don't bring it around my house...
>>JSJIchthybaneTG
>
>Jeffrey, honey, you never had a fish. Remember what the doctor said
>about that?
Lemme at 'im! Lemme at 'im! I'll rip his throat out! I'll tear the
flesh from his belly! Just lemme at 'im! Carnage! Rage and blood and
grisly Bill death! Mmmmph! MMMPHHHH!!!
>Bill L.
>Just take your little blue pills, that's right.
I don't think Aleve will help, Bill, not when I'm finished with you.
JSJ1TG, Kathy, if you so much as snicker over there in that corner, you're
next! NEXT I TELL YOU!!!
James A. Wolf
>Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
>know about?
Actually, Jess, it's a really bad pun that has to do with golfing.
Jess Nevins
>
> Jess Nevins wrote:
> > Steven Thorpe wrote:
> > > Jello wrote:
> > > > Michael Clear wrote:
>
> > > > :> Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> > > > :> know about?
>
>
> > > > Can you really call anything that's free bad?
>
> > > There ain't no such thing as a free sex lunch!
>
> > There isn't?
> > Then why haven't I been getting my bills?
> > jess, will have to talk to his "accountant"
>
> Oh you're probably still on the first "100 hours
> free." Look on the back of the package the disc
> came in.
>
> --thor (Better read the fine print, though. You'll be
> *amazed* at what it's going to cost you later. <G>)
Ohhhhhh...thanks, thor! Who knew that it would switch
from free to charge-by-the-minute? I'm obviously going to
have to switch to another Internet Sex Provider and get
a 100 Hours Free from them...
jess - duelling ISPs
Bill Livingston
>On 11 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>Previously on "Seaquest", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>On Thu, 10 Jun 1999, Jean wrote:
>>>>Jean
>>>>Owns a goldfish
>>>
>>>Just make sure you don't bring it around my house...
>>>JSJIchthybaneTG
>>
>>Jeffrey, honey, you never had a fish. Remember what the doctor said
>>about that?
>
>Lemme at 'im! Lemme at 'im! I'll rip his throat out! I'll tear the
>flesh from his belly!
Would you really? Wow! Better than Liposuction!
>Just lemme at 'im! Carnage! Rage and blood and grisly Bill death!
And on a lighter note: clowns!
>Mmmmph! MMMPHHHH!!!
Oh dear. Jeffrey's swallowed his own tongue again. Someone get me the
needlenose pliers and the aluminum foil.
>>Bill L.
>>Just take your little blue pills, that's right.
>
>I don't think Aleve will help, Bill, not when I'm finished with you.
No no, it's Propecia.
>JSJ1TG, Kathy, if you so much as snicker over there in that corner, you're
>next! NEXT I TELL YOU!!!
I don't think Kathy needs Propecia - she has plenty of hair of her own.
Bill L.
Not just President of the JSJ1TG Hair Club for Fish - but also a client
#######################################################
bi...@Traveller.COM http:\\www.hsv.tis.net\~bill
Angela McEntee
Julia wrote in message <37612F...@rocketmail.com>...
>EvilJen wrote:
>>
>> *yells across the lake*
>>
>> Charlie Wilson is cooking Johnsonville Sex Links!
>>
>> *echo*
>>
>> Johnsonville Sex Links! Johnsonville Sex Links!
>
>Jen, I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you now.
>
>Nothing personal, you understand. It's just... you reminded me of that
>guy. I can't even begin to tell you how genuinely *angry* I get seeing
>that guy's smug little smarmy face as he prepares to inform the entire
>freaking resort community that one poor innocent guy is grilling himself
>and perhaps his family a damn sausage or two. Then to stand there on the
>edge of the dock motioning everyone over to poor Charlie's grill, all
>self-satisfied and smirking.... Gah.
>
>screen and push that guy right off the dock..."
>
>relax. But I *hate* that guy!
OH MY GOD... so do I... I can usually withstand most tv ad torture but I
literally have to turn the sound off for that one. Beyond the annoying
'storyline', it is such a cheaply made, poorly acted piece of tripe... and
it just reminds me of how the scifi channel views mst3k. All right I may be
projecting, but... I HATE that commercial, and I hate those pseudo actors
too.
Angela
and now, back to the happy innuendo in our free sex link thread.
EvilJen
<7jucc2$ff7$1...@nntp6.atl.mindspring.net>...
Okay, gals, guy, deep cleansing breath....ah.
Let us remember several things:
1) this commercial was made in the mid to late 80s and the ad exec who
wrote it is now selling used cars in Ponca City, Oklahoma to pay off his
new double wide trailer.
2) they cut the footage where innocent hat wearing guy forks the evil guy
in the back.
and
3) it's a cheap commercial, and only god knows how it got into national
running.
EJ, deep, deep cleansing breaths.
--
Your Local Friendly Neighborhood EvilJen
jco...@theshop.net
http://www.theshop.net/jcorley/
Noah Singman
>EJ, deep, deep cleansing breaths.
Thanks, Jen.
Noah
MST#59539
I love it when you breathe deeply. :-)
Jean
> 2) they cut the footage where innocent hat wearing guy forks the evil guy
> in the back.
Stupid me. I keep thinking it's a trailer for 'Revenge of the
Creature', or, even worse, that the floating tripe from 'Bloodwaters' is
gonna jump out and wrap them up like a provolone Hot Pocket. Ah, well.
I can dream.....
Jean
Bratting the worst
The Midnight Rambler
Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
> On Thu, 10 Jun 1999, Michael Clear wrote:
> >Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote...
> >> Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> >> know about?
> >>
> >> jess
> >
> >Free Sex Links...They're Good!
>
> I usually get the Louisiana Sex Link with Russian Honey mustard. Now that
> is *spicy*.
Oh, this is just TOO easy.
--
Another corrupting influence on our children from
Lonesome Rob Fontenot, The Midnight Rambler
------------------------------------------------
http://home.earthlink.net/~rfontenot
------------------------------------------------
"Trifles make perfection and perfection is no trifle."
-- Michealangelo
Jeffrey Johnson
>Previously on "Sealab 2020", Jeffrey Johnson said...
>>On 11 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>Previously on "Seaquest", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>On Thu, 10 Jun 1999, Jean wrote:
>>>>>Jean
>>>>>Owns a goldfish
>>>>Just make sure you don't bring it around my house...
>>>>JSJIchthybaneTG
>>>Jeffrey, honey, you never had a fish. Remember what the doctor said
>>>about that?
>>Lemme at 'im! Lemme at 'im! I'll rip his throat out! I'll tear the
>>flesh from his belly!
>Would you really? Wow! Better than Liposuction!
But not so good for my cholesterol. :-/
>>Just lemme at 'im! Carnage! Rage and blood and grisly Bill death!
>And on a lighter note: clowns!
Not much lighter! Them're scary!
>>Mmmmph! MMMPHHHH!!!
>Oh dear. Jeffrey's swallowed his own tongue again. Someone get me the
>needlenose pliers and the aluminum foil.
It's called an *epee*, Bill.
>>>Bill L.
>>>Just take your little blue pills, that's right.
>>I don't think Aleve will help, Bill, not when I'm finished with you.
>No no, it's Propecia.
Propecia. Little. Blue. Repilitant.
>>JSJ1TG, Kathy, if you so much as snicker over there in that corner,
>>you're next! NEXT I TELL YOU!!!
>I don't think Kathy needs Propecia - she has plenty of hair of her own.
<haphazardly throwing broken tablets of Propecia at Kathy>
>Bill L.
>Not just President of the JSJ1TG Hair Club for Fish - but also a client
Hey! You're not President!
JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
Bill Livingston
>On Sat, 12 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>Previously on "Sealab 2020", Jeffrey Johnson said...
>>>On 11 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>Previously on "Seaquest", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>On Thu, 10 Jun 1999, Jean wrote:
>>>>>>Jean
>>>>>>Owns a goldfish
>>>>>Just make sure you don't bring it around my house...
>>>>>JSJIchthybaneTG
>>>>Jeffrey, honey, you never had a fish. Remember what the doctor said
>>>>about that?
>>>Lemme at 'im! Lemme at 'im! I'll rip his throat out! I'll tear the
>>>flesh from his belly!
>>Would you really? Wow! Better than Liposuction!
>
>But not so good for my cholesterol. :-/
Well, you have to broil the torn flesh from my belly in canola oil. If you're
still broiling me in coconut oil, you're just asking for trouble.
>>>Just lemme at 'im! Carnage! Rage and blood and grisly Bill death!
>>And on a lighter note: clowns!
>
>Not much lighter! Them're scary!
And Emmett Kelly is *still eating*!
>>>Mmmmph! MMMPHHHH!!!
>>Oh dear. Jeffrey's swallowed his own tongue again. Someone get me the
>>needlenose pliers and the aluminum foil.
>
>It's called an *epee*, Bill.
Not in public, you don't!
>>>>Bill L.
>>>>Just take your little blue pills, that's right.
>>>I don't think Aleve will help, Bill, not when I'm finished with you.
>>No no, it's Propecia.
>
>Propecia. Little. Blue. Repilitant.
No, very few few reptiles have hair. In fact, I don't - oh, wait. Not
reptilain. Sorry.
>>>JSJ1TG, Kathy, if you so much as snicker over there in that corner,
>>>you're next! NEXT I TELL YOU!!!
>>I don't think Kathy needs Propecia - she has plenty of hair of her own.
>
><haphazardly throwing broken tablets of Propecia at Kathy>
[Bill throws himself on the broken Propecia to save Kathy]
>>Bill L.
>>Not just President of the JSJ1TG Hair Club for Fish - but also a client
>
>Hey! You're not President!
And I never inhaled.
>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
Bill L.
Has the Midas touch
#######################################################################
bi...@Traveller.COM http://www.hsv.tis.net/~bill
Jeffrey Johnson
>Previously on "Aquaman", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>On Sat, 12 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>Previously on "Sealab 2020", Jeffrey Johnson said...
>>>>On 11 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>Previously on "Seaquest", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>On Thu, 10 Jun 1999, Jean wrote:
>>>>>>>Jean
>>>>>>>Owns a goldfish
>>>>>>Just make sure you don't bring it around my house...
>>>>>>JSJIchthybaneTG
>>>>>Jeffrey, honey, you never had a fish. Remember what the doctor said
>>>>>about that?
>>>>Lemme at 'im! Lemme at 'im! I'll rip his throat out! I'll tear the
>>>>flesh from his belly!
>>>Would you really? Wow! Better than Liposuction!
>>But not so good for my cholesterol. :-/
>Well, you have to broil the torn flesh from my belly in canola oil. If
>you're still broiling me in coconut oil, you're just asking for trouble.
Well, I thought I'd saute it in butter, but then I realized, "Hey,
Johnson, this is for the *Queen*! Better make it mayonnaise!"
>>>>Just lemme at 'im! Carnage! Rage and blood and grisly Bill death!
>>>And on a lighter note: clowns!
>>Not much lighter! Them're scary!
>And Emmett Kelly is *still eating*!
<munch, munch, edvard>
>>>>Mmmmph! MMMPHHHH!!!
>>>Oh dear. Jeffrey's swallowed his own tongue again. Someone get me
>>>the needlenose pliers and the aluminum foil.
>>It's called an *epee*, Bill.
>Not in public, you don't!
What I do in my front yard is my own business!
>>>>>Bill L.
>>>>>Just take your little blue pills, that's right.
>>>>I don't think Aleve will help, Bill, not when I'm finished with you.
>>>No no, it's Propecia.
>>Propecia. Little. Blue. Repilitant.
>No, very few few reptiles have hair. In fact, I don't - oh, wait. Not
>reptilain. Sorry.
Speaking of, whatever *did* happen to the little iguana who disappeared
from last night's movie?
>>>>JSJ1TG, Kathy, if you so much as snicker over there in that corner,
>>>>you're next! NEXT I TELL YOU!!!
>>>I don't think Kathy needs Propecia - she has plenty of hair of her
>>>own.
>><haphazardly throwing broken tablets of Propecia at Kathy>
>[Bill throws himself on the broken Propecia to save Kathy]
<Propecia explodes, and the entire room aside from Bill is destroyed.>
>>>Bill L.
>>>Not just President of the JSJ1TG Hair Club for Fish - but also a client
>>Hey! You're not President!
>And I never inhaled.
So that's how you maintain that lovely shade of blue around your lips!
>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
JSJ1TG had never had a customer request to get a hair weave on their back
before Bill came in...
Carl Burke
...
> Jeffrey, honey, you never had a fish. Remember what the doctor said about
> that?
>
> Just take your little blue pills, that's right.
Jeffrey doesn't need Viagra to take care of his little 'fish' problem.
--
--------------------------------------------------
Carl Burke, cbu...@mitre.org -- le nu ko batci mi kei cu zdile
My opinions are mine and mine alone, unless you
agree with them. Then I'll share.
--------------------------------------------------
"To intelligence... and beyond!" -- Epona Harper
--------------------------------------------------
Carl Burke
> On Thu, 10 Jun 1999, Michael Clear wrote:
> >Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote...
> >> Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> >> know about?
I wasn't aware there was _any_ kind of sausage you weren't
aware of, jess. *wink*
> >Free Sex Links...They're Good!
>
> I usually get the Louisiana Sex Link with Russian Honey mustard. Now that
> is *spicy*.
Is that one of those mail-order Russian Honeys?
> JSJ1TG, inhale the wrong way on that mustard and *POW!* *WHAMMO!*
Money shot!
Stephen Cooke
On Mon, 14 Jun 1999, Carl Burke wrote:
> Jeffrey doesn't need Viagra to take care of his little 'fish' problem.
Say hello to my little fish!
*squirt*squirt*squirt*squirt*
swac
The world is yours...with only six easy monthly payments!
Bill Livingston
>On 14 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>Previously on "Aquaman", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>On Sat, 12 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>Previously on "Sealab 2020", Jeffrey Johnson said...
>>>>>On 11 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>Previously on "Seaquest", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>On Thu, 10 Jun 1999, Jean wrote:
>>>>>>>>Jean
>>>>>>>>Owns a goldfish
>>>>>>>Just make sure you don't bring it around my house...
>>>>>>>JSJIchthybaneTG
>>>>>>about that?
>>>>>flesh from his belly!
>>>>Would you really? Wow! Better than Liposuction!
>>>But not so good for my cholesterol. :-/
>>Well, you have to broil the torn flesh from my belly in canola oil. If
>>you're still broiling me in coconut oil, you're just asking for trouble.
>
>Well, I thought I'd saute it in butter, but then I realized, "Hey,
>Johnson, this is for the *Queen*! Better make it mayonnaise!"
Now we know what *really* happened to Freddie Mercury.
>>>>>Just lemme at 'im! Carnage! Rage and blood and grisly Bill death!
>>>>And on a lighter note: clowns!
>>>Not much lighter! Them're scary!
>>And Emmett Kelly is *still eating*!
>
><munch, munch, edvard>
*scream*
>>>>>Mmmmph! MMMPHHHH!!!
>>>>Oh dear. Jeffrey's swallowed his own tongue again. Someone get me
>>>>the needlenose pliers and the aluminum foil.
>>>It's called an *epee*, Bill.
>>Not in public, you don't!
>
>What I do in my front yard is my own business!
Yes, but must you ululate all night?!? Some of us have get up and go to work
the next morning!
>>>>>>Bill L.
>>>>>>Just take your little blue pills, that's right.
>>>>>I don't think Aleve will help, Bill, not when I'm finished with you.
>>>>No no, it's Propecia.
>>>Propecia. Little. Blue. Repilitant.
>>No, very few few reptiles have hair. In fact, I don't - oh, wait. Not
>>reptilain. Sorry.
>
>Speaking of, whatever *did* happen to the little iguana who disappeared
>from last night's movie?
He was last seen wearing gold boots and gogo-dancing.
>>>>>JSJ1TG, Kathy, if you so much as snicker over there in that corner,
>>>>>you're next! NEXT I TELL YOU!!!
>>>>I don't think Kathy needs Propecia - she has plenty of hair of her
>>>>own.
>>><haphazardly throwing broken tablets of Propecia at Kathy>
>>[Bill throws himself on the broken Propecia to save Kathy]
>
><Propecia explodes, and the entire room aside from Bill is destroyed.>
This must be that certain side-effect they talked about.
>>>>Bill L.
>>>>Not just President of the JSJ1TG Hair Club for Fish - but also a client
>>>Hey! You're not President!
>>And I never inhaled.
>
>So that's how you maintain that lovely shade of blue around your lips!
It's so difficult to remain stylish yet alive.
>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>
>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
Oh, you're always so humerus.
>JSJ1TG had never had a customer request to get a hair weave on their back
>before Bill came in...
So that whole story about Robin Williams was a lie?
Bill L.
Just *what* dreams may come, anywho?
Bill Livingston
>Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>>Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
>>know about?
>
No, it's a protest march!
Free the Sex Links 3354!!!!
Bill L.
Rallying
Jeffrey Johnson
>>Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>>>Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
>>>know about?
>>
>>Actually, Jess, it's a really bad pun that has to do with golfing.
>
>No, it's a protest march!
>
>Free the Sex Links 3354!!!!
No, it's a surfboard wax!
JSJ1TG, paging Dr. Donnelly...
Jeffrey Johnson
>>>>On Sat, 12 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>Previously on "Sealab 2020", Jeffrey Johnson said...
>>>>>>On 11 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>Previously on "Seaquest", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>>On Thu, 10 Jun 1999, Jean wrote:
>>>>>>>>>Jean
>>>>>>>>>Owns a goldfish
>>>>>>>>Just make sure you don't bring it around my house...
>>>>>>>>JSJIchthybaneTG
>>>>>>>Jeffrey, honey, you never had a fish. Remember what the doctor
>>>>>>>said about that?
>>>>>>Lemme at 'im! Lemme at 'im! I'll rip his throat out! I'll tear
>>>>>>the flesh from his belly!
>>>>>Would you really? Wow! Better than Liposuction!
>>>>But not so good for my cholesterol. :-/
>>>Well, you have to broil the torn flesh from my belly in canola oil.
>>>If you're still broiling me in coconut oil, you're just asking for
>>trouble.
>>Well, I thought I'd saute it in butter, but then I realized, "Hey,
>>Johnson, this is for the *Queen*! Better make it mayonnaise!"
>Now we know what *really* happened to Freddie Mercury.
I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the working title for
that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
>>>>>>Just lemme at 'im! Carnage! Rage and blood and grisly Bill death!
>>>>>And on a lighter note: clowns!
>>>>Not much lighter! Them're scary!
>>>And Emmett Kelly is *still eating*!
>><munch, munch, edvard>
>*scream*
Mmmm! Chocolate 'scream!
>>>>>>Mmmmph! MMMPHHHH!!!
>>>>>Oh dear. Jeffrey's swallowed his own tongue again. Someone get me
>>>>>the needlenose pliers and the aluminum foil.
>>>>It's called an *epee*, Bill.
>>>Not in public, you don't!
>>What I do in my front yard is my own business!
>Yes, but must you ululate all night?!? Some of us have get up and go to work
>the next morning!
But my uvula needs the workout!
>>>>>>>Bill L.
>>>>>>>Just take your little blue pills, that's right.
>>>>>>I don't think Aleve will help, Bill, not when I'm finished with
>>>>>>you.
>>>>>No no, it's Propecia.
>>>>Propecia. Little. Blue. Repilitant.
>>>No, very few few reptiles have hair. In fact, I don't - oh, wait.
>>>Not reptilain. Sorry.
>>Speaking of, whatever *did* happen to the little iguana who disappeared
>>from last night's movie?
>He was last seen wearing gold boots and gogo-dancing.
I bet gila be back.
>>>>>>JSJ1TG, Kathy, if you so much as snicker over there in that corner,
>>>>>>you're next! NEXT I TELL YOU!!!
>>>>>I don't think Kathy needs Propecia - she has plenty of hair of her
>>>>>own.
>>>><haphazardly throwing broken tablets of Propecia at Kathy>
>>>[Bill throws himself on the broken Propecia to save Kathy]
>><Propecia explodes, and the entire room aside from Bill is destroyed.>
>This must be that certain side-effect they talked about.
Side-effect explosions! Wow! Silly me! I was taking Propecia because I
thought it might give my car *ground* effects! I'm so silly sometimes!
>>>>>Bill L.
>>>>>Not just President of the JSJ1TG Hair Club for Fish - but also a
>>>>>client
>>>>Hey! You're not President!
>>>And I never inhaled.
>>So that's how you maintain that lovely shade of blue around your lips!
>It's so difficult to remain stylish yet alive.
Ask Karen Carpenter. On second thought, ask Kate Moss.
>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
>Oh, you're always so humerus.
I rib you any time I can, you know that.
>>JSJ1TG had never had a customer request to get a hair weave on their
>>back before Bill came in...
>So that whole story about Robin Williams was a lie?
It was presented as a 20/20 expose, wasn't it?
JSJ1TG is myopic, but corrects to 20/15.
Bill Livingston
Scaramouche, Scaramouche, can you make a flan dang good?
>>>>>>>Just lemme at 'im! Carnage! Rage and blood and grisly Bill death!
>>>>>>And on a lighter note: clowns!
>>>>>Not much lighter! Them're scary!
>>>>And Emmett Kelly is *still eating*!
>>><munch, munch, edvard>
>>*scream*
>
>Mmmm! Chocolate 'scream!
The XTREEEEEEEEEM chocolate drink!!!! Chug a can today!
>>>>>>>Mmmmph! MMMPHHHH!!!
>>>>>>Oh dear. Jeffrey's swallowed his own tongue again. Someone get me
>>>>>>the needlenose pliers and the aluminum foil.
>>>>>It's called an *epee*, Bill.
>>>>Not in public, you don't!
>>>What I do in my front yard is my own business!
>>Yes, but must you ululate all night?!? Some of us have get up and go to
>>work the next morning!
>
>But my uvula needs the workout!
Your uvula can already whip twice its own weight in wombats!
>>>>>>>>Bill L.
>>>>>>>>Just take your little blue pills, that's right.
>>>>>>>I don't think Aleve will help, Bill, not when I'm finished with
>>>>>>>you.
>>>>>>No no, it's Propecia.
>>>>>Propecia. Little. Blue. Repilitant.
>>>>No, very few few reptiles have hair. In fact, I don't - oh, wait.
>>>>Not reptilain. Sorry.
>>>Speaking of, whatever *did* happen to the little iguana who disappeared
>>>from last night's movie?
>>He was last seen wearing gold boots and gogo-dancing.
>
>I bet gila be back.
Well, sure - I mean, the guy's name *was* "Critter".
>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, Kathy, if you so much as snicker over there in that corner,
>>>>>>>you're next! NEXT I TELL YOU!!!
>>>>>>I don't think Kathy needs Propecia - she has plenty of hair of her
>>>>>>own.
>>>>><haphazardly throwing broken tablets of Propecia at Kathy>
>>>>[Bill throws himself on the broken Propecia to save Kathy]
>>><Propecia explodes, and the entire room aside from Bill is destroyed.>
>>This must be that certain side-effect they talked about.
>
>Side-effect explosions! Wow! Silly me! I was taking Propecia because I
>thought it might give my car *ground* effects! I'm so silly sometimes!
*giggle giggle*
>>>>>>Bill L.
>>>>>>Not just President of the JSJ1TG Hair Club for Fish - but also a
>>>>>>client
>>>>>Hey! You're not President!
>>>>And I never inhaled.
>>>So that's how you maintain that lovely shade of blue around your lips!
>>It's so difficult to remain stylish yet alive.
>
>Ask Karen Carpenter. On second thought, ask Kate Moss.
Is Kate actually alive? I always considered her some sort of semi-animate
line drawing.
>>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
>>Oh, you're always so humerus.
>
>I rib you any time I can, you know that.
Ooooh, I love it when you act all grim and sternum.
>>>JSJ1TG had never had a customer request to get a hair weave on their
>>>back before Bill came in...
>>So that whole story about Robin Williams was a lie?
>
>It was presented as a 20/20 expose, wasn't it?
It was on "48 Hours", but it was dropped to "60 Minutes", which means we
got it at about 2.083% of retail. So what should we have expected?
Bill L.
Preparing for the Best, expecting the Worst
#######################################################
bi...@Traveller.COM http:\\www.hsv.tis.net\~bill
Jess Nevins
>
> On 14 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
> >>Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
> >>>Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> >>>know about?
> >>
> >>Actually, Jess, it's a really bad pun that has to do with golfing.
> >
> >No, it's a protest march!
> >
> >Free the Sex Links 3354!!!!
>
> No, it's a surfboard wax!
>
> JSJ1TG, paging Dr. Donnelly...
or Doctor Zog...
jess
Jeffrey Johnson
Nobody and some guy who's about to die, starring in "The Blood Wax of Dr.
Zog"!
JSJ1TG, oh, and Lyle Waggoner and Tommy Kirk...
Jeffrey Johnson
>Previously on "Forever Knight", Jeffrey Johnson said...
>>>>On 14 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>On Sat, 12 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>Previously on "Sealab 2020", Jeffrey Johnson said...
>>>>>>>>the flesh from his belly!
>>>>>>>Would you really? Wow! Better than Liposuction!
>>>>>>But not so good for my cholesterol. :-/
>>>>>Well, you have to broil the torn flesh from my belly in canola oil.
>>>>>If you're still broiling me in coconut oil, you're just asking for
>>>>trouble.
>>>>Well, I thought I'd saute it in butter, but then I realized, "Hey,
>>>>Johnson, this is for the *Queen*! Better make it mayonnaise!"
>>>Now we know what *really* happened to Freddie Mercury.
>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the working title
>>for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
>Scaramouche, Scaramouche, can you make a flan dang good?
Chowder bowls and light cream, cherry cherry frosting, me!
>>>>>>>>Just lemme at 'im! Carnage! Rage and blood and grisly Bill death!
>>>>>>>And on a lighter note: clowns!
>>>>>>Not much lighter! Them're scary!
>>>>>And Emmett Kelly is *still eating*!
>>>><munch, munch, edvard>
>>>*scream*
>>Mmmm! Chocolate 'scream!
>The XTREEEEEEEEEM chocolate drink!!!! Chug a can today!
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream makes you grow light artillery out of your
forearms!
>>>>>>>>Mmmmph! MMMPHHHH!!!
>>>>>>>Oh dear. Jeffrey's swallowed his own tongue again. Someone get
>>>>>>>me the needlenose pliers and the aluminum foil.
>>>>>>It's called an *epee*, Bill.
>>>>>Not in public, you don't!
>>>>What I do in my front yard is my own business!
>>>Yes, but must you ululate all night?!? Some of us have get up and go
>>>to work the next morning!
>>But my uvula needs the workout!
>Your uvula can already whip twice its own weight in wombats!
Yes, but the wombats don't *taste* very good, so I'm looking for a new
exercise regimen.
>>>>>>>>>Bill L.
>>>>>>>>>Just take your little blue pills, that's right.
>>>>>>>>I don't think Aleve will help, Bill, not when I'm finished with
>>>>>>>>you.
>>>>>>>No no, it's Propecia.
>>>>>>Propecia. Little. Blue. Repilitant.
>>>>>No, very few few reptiles have hair. In fact, I don't - oh, wait.
>>>>>Not reptilain. Sorry.
>>>>Speaking of, whatever *did* happen to the little iguana who
>>>>disappeared from last night's movie?
>>>He was last seen wearing gold boots and gogo-dancing.
>>I bet gila be back.
>Well, sure - I mean, the guy's name *was* "Critter".
So, he'll be back in "Critter II"?
>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, Kathy, if you so much as snicker over there in that
>>>>>>>>corner, you're next! NEXT I TELL YOU!!!
>>>>>>>I don't think Kathy needs Propecia - she has plenty of hair of her
>>>>>>>own.
>>>>>><haphazardly throwing broken tablets of Propecia at Kathy>
>>>>>[Bill throws himself on the broken Propecia to save Kathy]
>>>><Propecia explodes, and the entire room aside from Bill is
>>>>destroyed.>
>>>This must be that certain side-effect they talked about.
>>Side-effect explosions! Wow! Silly me! I was taking Propecia because
>>I thought it might give my car *ground* effects! I'm so silly
>>sometimes!
>*giggle giggle*
<goofy grin with braces>
So, Bill, are you, like, doing anything, I mean, did you hear about the,
are you going to the, erm, the dance next Friday?
>>>>>>>Bill L.
>>>>>>>Not just President of the JSJ1TG Hair Club for Fish - but also a
>>>>>>>client
>>>>>>Hey! You're not President!
>>>>>And I never inhaled.
>>>>So that's how you maintain that lovely shade of blue around your
>>>>lips!
>>>It's so difficult to remain stylish yet alive.
>>Ask Karen Carpenter. On second thought, ask Kate Moss.
>Is Kate actually alive? I always considered her some sort of
>semi-animate line drawing.
Oh, like Garfield?
>>>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
>>>Oh, you're always so humerus.
>>I rib you any time I can, you know that.
>Ooooh, I love it when you act all grim and sternum.
You fibula-iar!
>>>>JSJ1TG had never had a customer request to get a hair weave on their
>>>>back before Bill came in...
>>>So that whole story about Robin Williams was a lie?
>>It was presented as a 20/20 expose, wasn't it?
>It was on "48 Hours", but it was dropped to "60 Minutes", which means
>we got it at about 2.083% of retail. So what should we have expected?
A nice bleeding profit margin on resale, that's what!
JSJ1TG, corporate cutthroat
Bill Livingston
>On Tue, 15 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>Previously on "Forever Knight", Jeffrey Johnson said...
>>>On 14 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>Previously on "Flipper", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>On 14 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>Previously on "Aquaman", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>On Sat, 12 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>>Previously on "Sealab 2020", Jeffrey Johnson said...
>>>>>>>>>Lemme at 'im! Lemme at 'im! I'll rip his throat out! I'll tear
>>>>>>>>>the flesh from his belly!
>>>>>>>>Would you really? Wow! Better than Liposuction!
>>>>>>>But not so good for my cholesterol. :-/
>>>>>>Well, you have to broil the torn flesh from my belly in canola oil.
>>>>>>If you're still broiling me in coconut oil, you're just asking for
>>>>>trouble.
>>>>>Well, I thought I'd saute it in butter, but then I realized, "Hey,
>>>>>Johnson, this is for the *Queen*! Better make it mayonnaise!"
>>>>Now we know what *really* happened to Freddie Mercury.
>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the working title
>>>for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
>>Scaramouche, Scaramouche, can you make a flan dang good?
>
>Chowder bowls and light cream, cherry cherry frosting, me!
Fresh Pirouges! (Fresh Pirouges!)
Fresh Pirouges! (Fresh Pirouges!)
Meringue served CO-O-O-O-O-O-OLD!
>>>>>>>>>Just lemme at 'im! Carnage! Rage and blood and grisly Bill death!
>>>>>>>>And on a lighter note: clowns!
>>>>>>>Not much lighter! Them're scary!
>>>>>>And Emmett Kelly is *still eating*!
>>>>><munch, munch, edvard>
>>>>*scream*
>>>Mmmm! Chocolate 'scream!
>>The XTREEEEEEEEEM chocolate drink!!!! Chug a can today!
>
>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream makes you grow light artillery out of your
>forearms!
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make you immortal!
>>>>>>>>>Mmmmph! MMMPHHHH!!!
>>>>>>>>Oh dear. Jeffrey's swallowed his own tongue again. Someone get
>>>>>>>>me the needlenose pliers and the aluminum foil.
>>>>>>>It's called an *epee*, Bill.
>>>>>>Not in public, you don't!
>>>>>What I do in my front yard is my own business!
>>>>Yes, but must you ululate all night?!? Some of us have get up and go
>>>>to work the next morning!
>>>But my uvula needs the workout!
>>Your uvula can already whip twice its own weight in wombats!
>
>Yes, but the wombats don't *taste* very good, so I'm looking for a new
>exercise regimen.
What about pointed sticks?
>>>>>>>>>>Bill L.
>>>>>>>>>>Just take your little blue pills, that's right.
>>>>>>>>>I don't think Aleve will help, Bill, not when I'm finished with
>>>>>>>>>you.
>>>>>>>>No no, it's Propecia.
>>>>>>>Propecia. Little. Blue. Repilitant.
>>>>>>No, very few few reptiles have hair. In fact, I don't - oh, wait.
>>>>>>Not reptilain. Sorry.
>>>>>Speaking of, whatever *did* happen to the little iguana who
>>>>>disappeared from last night's movie?
>>>>He was last seen wearing gold boots and gogo-dancing.
>>>I bet gila be back.
>>Well, sure - I mean, the guy's name *was* "Critter".
>
>So, he'll be back in "Critter II"?
Tha New Batch.
>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, Kathy, if you so much as snicker over there in that
>>>>>>>>>corner, you're next! NEXT I TELL YOU!!!
>>>>>>>>I don't think Kathy needs Propecia - she has plenty of hair of her
>>>>>>>>own.
>>>>>>><haphazardly throwing broken tablets of Propecia at Kathy>
>>>>>>[Bill throws himself on the broken Propecia to save Kathy]
>>>>><Propecia explodes, and the entire room aside from Bill is
>>>>>destroyed.>
>>>>This must be that certain side-effect they talked about.
>>>Side-effect explosions! Wow! Silly me! I was taking Propecia because
>>>I thought it might give my car *ground* effects! I'm so silly
>>>sometimes!
>>*giggle giggle*
>
><goofy grin with braces>
>So, Bill, are you, like, doing anything, I mean, did you hear about the,
>are you going to the, erm, the dance next Friday?
Um, like, no. I mean, like, I haven't, yknow, been asked or anything -
y'know? (twirls hair nervously)
>>>>>>>>Bill L.
>>>>>>>>Not just President of the JSJ1TG Hair Club for Fish - but also a
>>>>>>>>client
>>>>>>>Hey! You're not President!
>>>>>>And I never inhaled.
>>>>>So that's how you maintain that lovely shade of blue around your
>>>>>lips!
>>>>It's so difficult to remain stylish yet alive.
>>>Ask Karen Carpenter. On second thought, ask Kate Moss.
>>Is Kate actually alive? I always considered her some sort of
>>semi-animate line drawing.
>
>Oh, like Garfield?
Yes, but less animated. And less likely to devour a lasagna.
>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>>>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
>>>>Oh, you're always so humerus.
>>>I rib you any time I can, you know that.
>>Ooooh, I love it when you act all grim and sternum.
>
>You fibula-iar!
Well, there's not use carpaling about it.
>>>>>JSJ1TG had never had a customer request to get a hair weave on their
>>>>>back before Bill came in...
>>>>So that whole story about Robin Williams was a lie?
>>>It was presented as a 20/20 expose, wasn't it?
>>It was on "48 Hours", but it was dropped to "60 Minutes", which means
>>we got it at about 2.083% of retail. So what should we have expected?
>
>A nice bleeding profit margin on resale, that's what!
But after applying the Band-Aid brand stock portfolio, what was ther left to
do?
>JSJ1TG, corporate cutthroat
Arrrrh! Matey! Arrrrh!
Bill L.
Jim-Lad!
#######################################################################
bi...@Traveller.COM http://www.hsv.tis.net/~bill
Jeffrey Johnson
>Previously on "Yan Can Cook", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>On Tue, 15 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>Previously on "Forever Knight", Jeffrey Johnson said...
>>>>On 14 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>Previously on "Flipper", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>Now we know what *really* happened to Freddie Mercury.
>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the working
>>>>title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
>>>Scaramouche, Scaramouche, can you make a flan dang good?
>>Chowder bowls and light cream, cherry cherry frosting, me!
>Fresh Pirouges! (Fresh Pirouges!)
>Fresh Pirouges! (Fresh Pirouges!)
>Meringue served CO-O-O-O-O-O-OLD!
Cada dia, la tortilla, quesadilla don't you know?
>>>>>>>>>And on a lighter note: clowns!
>>>>>>>>Not much lighter! Them're scary!
>>>>>>>And Emmett Kelly is *still eating*!
>>>>>><munch, munch, edvard>
>>>>>*scream*
>>>>Mmmm! Chocolate 'scream!
>>>The XTREEEEEEEEEM chocolate drink!!!! Chug a can today!
>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream makes you grow light artillery out of
>>your forearms!
>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make you immortal!
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make women flock to you!
>>>>>>>Not in public, you don't!
>>>>>>What I do in my front yard is my own business!
>>>>>Yes, but must you ululate all night?!? Some of us have get up and
>>>>>go to work the next morning!
>>>>But my uvula needs the workout!
>>>Your uvula can already whip twice its own weight in wombats!
>>Yes, but the wombats don't *taste* very good, so I'm looking for a new
>>exercise regimen.
>What about pointed sticks?
Pointed at who?
>>>>>>Speaking of, whatever *did* happen to the little iguana who
>>>>>>disappeared from last night's movie?
>>>>>He was last seen wearing gold boots and gogo-dancing.
>>>>I bet gila be back.
>>>Well, sure - I mean, the guy's name *was* "Critter".
>>So, he'll be back in "Critter II"?
>Tha New Batch.
What you never thought possible in <ahem> organ transplants has finally
come true!
>>>>Side-effect explosions! Wow! Silly me! I was taking Propecia
>>>>because I thought it might give my car *ground* effects! I'm so
>>>>silly sometimes!
>>>*giggle giggle*
>><goofy grin with braces>
>>So, Bill, are you, like, doing anything, I mean, did you hear about
>>the, are you going to the, erm, the dance next Friday?
>Um, like, no. I mean, like, I haven't, yknow, been asked or anything -
>y'know? (twirls hair nervously)
Oh, me too, I mean nobody's asked, I haven't ask, I don't go to many of
the dances <sniffs armpit nervously> ...So do you like Spice Girls?
>>>>>>>>Hey! You're not President!
>>>>>>>And I never inhaled.
>>>>>>So that's how you maintain that lovely shade of blue around your
>>>>>>lips!
>>>>>It's so difficult to remain stylish yet alive.
>>>>Ask Karen Carpenter. On second thought, ask Kate Moss.
>>>Is Kate actually alive? I always considered her some sort of
>>>semi-animate line drawing.
>>Oh, like Garfield?
>Yes, but less animated. And less likely to devour a lasagna.
And not quite so orange on Sunday.
>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>>>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>>>>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
>>>>>Oh, you're always so humerus.
>>>>I rib you any time I can, you know that.
>>>Ooooh, I love it when you act all grim and sternum.
>>You fibula-iar!
>Well, there's not use carpaling about it.
Poppycoccyx! I can stapes-ed at you if I want.
>>>>>So that whole story about Robin Williams was a lie?
>>>>It was presented as a 20/20 expose, wasn't it?
>>>It was on "48 Hours", but it was dropped to "60 Minutes", which means
>>>we got it at about 2.083% of retail. So what should we have expected?
>>A nice bleeding profit margin on resale, that's what!
>But after applying the Band-Aid brand stock portfolio, what was ther
>left to do?
Sell Curad short and corner the market on Bactine.
JSJ&J1TG
Jess Nevins
>
> On Tue, 15 Jun 1999, Jess Nevins wrote:
> >Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
> >> >>Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
> >> >>>Free Sex Links....is this a kind of sausage I don't
> >> >>>know about?
> >> >>
> >> >>Actually, Jess, it's a really bad pun that has to do with golfing.
> >> >
> >> >No, it's a protest march!
> >> >
> >> >Free the Sex Links 3354!!!!
> >>
> >> No, it's a surfboard wax!
> >>
> >> JSJ1TG, paging Dr. Donnelly...
> >
> >or Doctor Zog...
>
> Nobody and some guy who's about to die, starring in "The Blood Wax of Dr.
> Zog"!
The Zionist Occupation Government, starring in "Whose Line Is It
Anyhow?"
jess
Bill Livingston
>On 15 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>Previously on "Yan Can Cook", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>On Tue, 15 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>Previously on "Forever Knight", Jeffrey Johnson said...
>>>>>On 14 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>Previously on "Flipper", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>Now we know what *really* happened to Freddie Mercury.
>>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the working
>>>>>title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
>>>>Scaramouche, Scaramouche, can you make a flan dang good?
>>>Chowder bowls and light cream, cherry cherry frosting, me!
>>Fresh Pirouges! (Fresh Pirouges!)
>>Fresh Pirouges! (Fresh Pirouges!)
>>Meringue served CO-O-O-O-O-O-OLD!
>
Blue Pla-a-a-ate has some mayo put aside for me, for me, for
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
>>>>>>>>>>And on a lighter note: clowns!
>>>>>>>>>Not much lighter! Them're scary!
>>>>>>>>And Emmett Kelly is *still eating*!
>>>>>>><munch, munch, edvard>
>>>>>>*scream*
>>>>>Mmmm! Chocolate 'scream!
>>>>The XTREEEEEEEEEM chocolate drink!!!! Chug a can today!
>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream makes you grow light artillery out of
>>>your forearms!
>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make you immortal!
>
>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make women flock to you!
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will expand your bank account!
>>>>>>>>Not in public, you don't!
>>>>>>>What I do in my front yard is my own business!
>>>>>>Yes, but must you ululate all night?!? Some of us have get up and
>>>>>>go to work the next morning!
>>>>>But my uvula needs the workout!
>>>>Your uvula can already whip twice its own weight in wombats!
>>>Yes, but the wombats don't *taste* very good, so I'm looking for a new
>>>exercise regimen.
>>What about pointed sticks?
>
>Pointed at who?
That guy over there.
>>>>>>>Speaking of, whatever *did* happen to the little iguana who
>>>>>>>disappeared from last night's movie?
>>>>>>He was last seen wearing gold boots and gogo-dancing.
>>>>>I bet gila be back.
>>>>Well, sure - I mean, the guy's name *was* "Critter".
>>>So, he'll be back in "Critter II"?
>>Tha New Batch.
>
>What you never thought possible in <ahem> organ transplants has finally
>come true!
And the company that brought it to your area? AT&T.
>>>>>Side-effect explosions! Wow! Silly me! I was taking Propecia
>>>>>because I thought it might give my car *ground* effects! I'm so
>>>>>silly sometimes!
>>>>*giggle giggle*
>>><goofy grin with braces>
>>>So, Bill, are you, like, doing anything, I mean, did you hear about
>>>the, are you going to the, erm, the dance next Friday?
>>Um, like, no. I mean, like, I haven't, yknow, been asked or anything -
>>y'know? (twirls hair nervously)
>
>Oh, me too, I mean nobody's asked, I haven't ask, I don't go to many of
>the dances <sniffs armpit nervously> ...So do you like Spice Girls?
Um, like, yeah, they're all, like, y'know, really neat and stuff? So...
[bites lip] Um, like, are you gonna, y'know, go to this one?
>>>>>>>>>Hey! You're not President!
>>>>>>>>And I never inhaled.
>>>>>>>So that's how you maintain that lovely shade of blue around your
>>>>>>>lips!
>>>>>>It's so difficult to remain stylish yet alive.
>>>>>Ask Karen Carpenter. On second thought, ask Kate Moss.
>>>>Is Kate actually alive? I always considered her some sort of
>>>>semi-animate line drawing.
>>>Oh, like Garfield?
>>Yes, but less animated. And less likely to devour a lasagna.
>
>And not quite so orange on Sunday.
No, she actually turns green. Mossy green.
>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>>>>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>>>>>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
>>>>>>Oh, you're always so humerus.
>>>>>I rib you any time I can, you know that.
>>>>Ooooh, I love it when you act all grim and sternum.
>>>You fibula-iar!
>>Well, there's not use carpaling about it.
>
>Poppycoccyx! I can stapes-ed at you if I want.
Just try not tibia sorehead about it.
>>>>>>So that whole story about Robin Williams was a lie?
>>>>>It was presented as a 20/20 expose, wasn't it?
>>>>It was on "48 Hours", but it was dropped to "60 Minutes", which means
>>>>we got it at about 2.083% of retail. So what should we have expected?
>>>A nice bleeding profit margin on resale, that's what!
>>But after applying the Band-Aid brand stock portfolio, what was ther
>>left to do?
>
>Sell Curad short and corner the market on Bactine.
Well, at least I didn't take a bath Isopropyl Alocohl futures.
Bill L.
Cuz that would sting.
Julia
< snipped: some funny stuff, but you guys write a LOT :D >
> Chowder bowls and light cream, cherry cherry frosting, me!
Well, Jeffrey, I did a seroius double-take at this, because I was just
looking in the little work fridge I have in my office for something
snacky and realized that the only two things I have in there are a bowl
of creamy clam chowder and a can-thingy of cherry frosting.
Julia - I don't know if I should have admitted that, but there you go.
--
jso...@rocketmail.com ICQ 3171115
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/3722
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Omigod! I can't believe you know how totally hot I am!"
- swac on his Psychic Sex Line
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jeffrey Johnson
>Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>
>< snipped: some funny stuff, but you guys write a LOT :D >
No kidding! Whew! I have to avoid trying to make two or three responses
a day to this thread, it's cutting into my work, and sleep, and eating,
showering, you know, the little extras in life.
>> Chowder bowls and light cream, cherry cherry frosting, me!
>
>Well, Jeffrey, I did a seroius double-take at this, because I was just
>looking in the little work fridge I have in my office for something
>snacky and realized that the only two things I have in there are a bowl
>of creamy clam chowder and a can-thingy of cherry frosting.
>
>Julia - I don't know if I should have admitted that, but there you go.
This is quite scary. I mean, not just the contents of the fridge
(frightening in and of itself) but the spookily coincidental coincidence,
especially as I wasn't even trying to perform psychic phenomena at the
time. It must be orchestrated by some higher being. I think that we'd
better get married again, just in case bad karma comes otherwise.
JSJ1TG, but the frosting's not for the chowder, right?
Jeffrey Johnson
>Previously on "Police Story", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>On 15 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>Previously on "Yan Can Cook", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>On Tue, 15 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>Previously on "Forever Knight", Jeffrey Johnson said...
>>>>>>On 14 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>Previously on "Flipper", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>Now we know what *really* happened to Freddie Mercury.
>>>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the working
>>>>>>title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
>>>>>Scaramouche, Scaramouche, can you make a flan dang good?
>>>>Chowder bowls and light cream, cherry cherry frosting, me!
>>>Fresh Pirouges! (Fresh Pirouges!)
>>>Fresh Pirouges! (Fresh Pirouges!)
>>>Meringue served CO-O-O-O-O-O-OLD!
(turns out I blew the order of the song, so let's start filling in!)
I'll grill a pork chop, the other white meat
He'll grill a pork chop, cook the pork thoroughly
Spare ribs and rice pilaf, minestrone!
>>Cada dia, la tortilla, quesadilla don't you know?
>
>Blue Pla-a-a-ate has some mayo put aside for me, for me, for
>MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
>
>>>>>>>>>>>And on a lighter note: clowns!
>>>>>>>>>>Not much lighter! Them're scary!
>>>>>>>>>And Emmett Kelly is *still eating*!
>>>>>>>><munch, munch, edvard>
>>>>>>>*scream*
>>>>>>Mmmm! Chocolate 'scream!
>>>>>The XTREEEEEEEEEM chocolate drink!!!! Chug a can today!
>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream makes you grow light artillery out of
>>>>your forearms!
>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make you immortal!
>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make women flock to you!
>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will expand your bank account!
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grow hair where you want it and remove
it from where you don't - painlessly!
>>>>>>>>>Not in public, you don't!
>>>>>>>>What I do in my front yard is my own business!
>>>>>>>Yes, but must you ululate all night?!? Some of us have get up
>>>>>>>and go to work the next morning!
>>>>>>But my uvula needs the workout!
>>>>>Your uvula can already whip twice its own weight in wombats!
>>>>Yes, but the wombats don't *taste* very good, so I'm looking for a
>>>>new exercise regimen.
>>>What about pointed sticks?
>>Pointed at who?
>That guy over there.
The guy that looks like Tom Cruise in glasses and a red striped sweater?
>>>>>>>>Speaking of, whatever *did* happen to the little iguana who
>>>>>>>>disappeared from last night's movie?
>>>>>>>He was last seen wearing gold boots and gogo-dancing.
>>>>>>I bet gila be back.
>>>>>Well, sure - I mean, the guy's name *was* "Critter".
>>>>So, he'll be back in "Critter II"?
>>>Tha New Batch.
>>What you never thought possible in <ahem> organ transplants has finally
>>come true!
>And the company that brought it to your area? AT&T.
I won't even display the lack of taste to come up with what AT&T might
stand for.
>>>>>>Side-effect explosions! Wow! Silly me! I was taking Propecia
>>>>>>because I thought it might give my car *ground* effects! I'm so
>>>>>>silly sometimes!
>>>>>*giggle giggle*
>>>><goofy grin with braces>
>>>>So, Bill, are you, like, doing anything, I mean, did you hear about
>>>>the, are you going to the, erm, the dance next Friday?
>>>Um, like, no. I mean, like, I haven't, yknow, been asked or anything
>>>- y'know? (twirls hair nervously)
>>Oh, me too, I mean nobody's asked, I haven't ask, I don't go to many of
>>the dances <sniffs armpit nervously> ...So do you like Spice Girls?
>Um, like, yeah, they're all, like, y'know, really neat and stuff? So...
>[bites lip] Um, like, are you gonna, y'know, go to this one?
I guess maybe if I could maybe find a da-erm, somebody to, who would
maybe, I don't know. <wipes away drool for chin> Do you know anybody who
isn't go-who might go but isn't, like, going yet?
>>>>>>>>>>Hey! You're not President!
>>>>>>>>>And I never inhaled.
>>>>>>>>So that's how you maintain that lovely shade of blue around your
>>>>>>>>lips!
>>>>>>>It's so difficult to remain stylish yet alive.
>>>>>>Ask Karen Carpenter. On second thought, ask Kate Moss.
>>>>>Is Kate actually alive? I always considered her some sort of
>>>>>semi-animate line drawing.
>>>>Oh, like Garfield?
>>>Yes, but less animated. And less likely to devour a lasagna.
>>And not quite so orange on Sunday.
>No, she actually turns green. Mossy green.
I blame her animators.
>>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>>>>>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>>>>>>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
>>>>>>>Oh, you're always so humerus.
>>>>>>I rib you any time I can, you know that.
>>>>>Ooooh, I love it when you act all grim and sternum.
>>>>You fibula-iar!
>>>Well, there's not use carpaling about it.
>>Poppycoccyx! I can stapes-ed at you if I want.
>Just try not tibia sorehead about it.
That's nothing! You should hear my patella story about the time a guy cut
him off in traffic!
>>>>>>>So that whole story about Robin Williams was a lie?
>>>>>>It was presented as a 20/20 expose, wasn't it?
>>>>>It was on "48 Hours", but it was dropped to "60 Minutes", which
>>>>>means we got it at about 2.083% of retail. So what should we have
>>>>>expected?
>>>>A nice bleeding profit margin on resale, that's what!
>>>But after applying the Band-Aid brand stock portfolio, what was ther
>>>left to do?
>>Sell Curad short and corner the market on Bactine.
>Well, at least I didn't take a bath Isopropyl Alocohl futures.
<graduation party>
Son, I've got three words for you:
JSJ1TG, I Palindrome Iodine...
Bill Livingston
>On 16 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>Previously on "Police Story", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>On 15 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>Previously on "Yan Can Cook", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>On Tue, 15 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>Previously on "Forever Knight", Jeffrey Johnson said...
>>>>>>>On 14 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>>Previously on "Flipper", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>>Now we know what *really* happened to Freddie Mercury.
>>>>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the working
>>>>>>>title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
>>>>>>Scaramouche, Scaramouche, can you make a flan dang good?
>>>>>Chowder bowls and light cream, cherry cherry frosting, me!
>>>>Fresh Pirouges! (Fresh Pirouges!)
>>>>Fresh Pirouges! (Fresh Pirouges!)
>>>>Meringue served CO-O-O-O-O-O-OLD!
>
>(turns out I blew the order of the song, so let's start filling in!)
>
>I'll grill a pork chop, the other white meat
>He'll grill a pork chop, cook the pork thoroughly
>Spare ribs and rice pilaf, minestrone!
Greasy Chops, Greasy Spoon, will you make me cookie dough?
(COOKIE DOUGH!) Bisquick-ah, we won't make cookie dough!
(COOKIE DOUGH!) Bisquick-ah, we won't make cookie dough!
(COOKIE DOUGH!) Won't make cookie dough!
(COOKIE DOUGH!) Won't make cookie dough!
(COOKIE DOUGH!) No no no no no no!
>>>Cada dia, la tortilla, quesadilla don't you know?
>>
>>Blue Pla-a-a-ate has some mayo put aside for me, for me, for
>>MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
So you think you can roast pig on the spit in fire?
So you think you'll filet me and leave me to fry?
>>>>>>>>>>>>And on a lighter note: clowns!
>>>>>>>>>>>Not much lighter! Them're scary!
>>>>>>>>>>And Emmett Kelly is *still eating*!
>>>>>>>>><munch, munch, edvard>
>>>>>>>>*scream*
>>>>>>>Mmmm! Chocolate 'scream!
>>>>>>The XTREEEEEEEEEM chocolate drink!!!! Chug a can today!
>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream makes you grow light artillery out of
>>>>>your forearms!
>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make you immortal!
>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make women flock to you!
>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will expand your bank account!
>
>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grow hair where you want it and remove
>it from where you don't - painlessly!
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grant you an unlimited number of wishes
>>>>>>>>>>Not in public, you don't!
>>>>>>>>>What I do in my front yard is my own business!
>>>>>>>>Yes, but must you ululate all night?!? Some of us have get up
>>>>>>>>and go to work the next morning!
>>>>>>>But my uvula needs the workout!
>>>>>>Your uvula can already whip twice its own weight in wombats!
>>>>>Yes, but the wombats don't *taste* very good, so I'm looking for a
>>>>>new exercise regimen.
>>>>What about pointed sticks?
>>>Pointed at who?
>>That guy over there.
>
>The guy that looks like Tom Cruise in glasses and a red striped sweater?
No, the other one - the one in the funny hat with a "Chicken Inspector" button
on his vest.
>>>>>>>>>Speaking of, whatever *did* happen to the little iguana who
>>>>>>>>>disappeared from last night's movie?
>>>>>>>>He was last seen wearing gold boots and gogo-dancing.
>>>>>>>I bet gila be back.
>>>>>>Well, sure - I mean, the guy's name *was* "Critter".
>>>>>So, he'll be back in "Critter II"?
>>>>Tha New Batch.
>>>What you never thought possible in <ahem> organ transplants has finally
>>>come true!
>>And the company that brought it to your area? AT&T.
>
>I won't even display the lack of taste to come up with what AT&T might
>stand for.
They'll stand for pretty much anything, except not paying your bill.
>>>>>>>Side-effect explosions! Wow! Silly me! I was taking Propecia
>>>>>>>because I thought it might give my car *ground* effects! I'm so
>>>>>>>silly sometimes!
>>>>>>*giggle giggle*
>>>>><goofy grin with braces>
>>>>>So, Bill, are you, like, doing anything, I mean, did you hear about
>>>>>the, are you going to the, erm, the dance next Friday?
>>>>Um, like, no. I mean, like, I haven't, yknow, been asked or anything
>>>>- y'know? (twirls hair nervously)
>>>Oh, me too, I mean nobody's asked, I haven't ask, I don't go to many of
>>>the dances <sniffs armpit nervously> ...So do you like Spice Girls?
>>Um, like, yeah, they're all, like, y'know, really neat and stuff? So...
>>[bites lip] Um, like, are you gonna, y'know, go to this one?
>
>I guess maybe if I could maybe find a da-erm, somebody to, who would
>maybe, I don't know. <wipes away drool for chin> Do you know anybody who
>isn't go-who might go but isn't, like, going yet?
Um, m-m-m-m-maybe. [nervously plays with scrunchie] Um, like, did you have
anyone, y'know, in particular in mind, or stuff?
>>>>>>>>>>>Hey! You're not President!
>>>>>>>>>>And I never inhaled.
>>>>>>>>>So that's how you maintain that lovely shade of blue around your
>>>>>>>>>lips!
>>>>>>>>It's so difficult to remain stylish yet alive.
>>>>>>>Ask Karen Carpenter. On second thought, ask Kate Moss.
>>>>>>Is Kate actually alive? I always considered her some sort of
>>>>>>semi-animate line drawing.
>>>>>Oh, like Garfield?
>>>>Yes, but less animated. And less likely to devour a lasagna.
>>>And not quite so orange on Sunday.
>>No, she actually turns green. Mossy green.
>
>I blame her animators.
I accuse her parents.
>>>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>>>>>>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>>>>>>>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
>>>>>>>>Oh, you're always so humerus.
>>>>>>>I rib you any time I can, you know that.
>>>>>>Ooooh, I love it when you act all grim and sternum.
>>>>>You fibula-iar!
>>>>Well, there's not use carpaling about it.
>>>Poppycoccyx! I can stapes-ed at you if I want.
>>Just try not tibia sorehead about it.
>
>That's nothing! You should hear my patella story about the time a guy cut
>him off in traffic!
Mandible must've flown then!
>>>>>>>>So that whole story about Robin Williams was a lie?
>>>>>>>It was presented as a 20/20 expose, wasn't it?
>>>>>>It was on "48 Hours", but it was dropped to "60 Minutes", which
>>>>>>means we got it at about 2.083% of retail. So what should we have
>>>>>>expected?
>>>>>A nice bleeding profit margin on resale, that's what!
>>>>But after applying the Band-Aid brand stock portfolio, what was ther
>>>>left to do?
>>>Sell Curad short and corner the market on Bactine.
>>Well, at least I didn't take a bath Isopropyl Alocohl futures.
>
><graduation party>
>Son, I've got three words for you:
>JSJ1TG, I Palindrome Iodine...
Enidoi? Well, what good does that do?
Bill L.
Enidoi now...
Nate Brasher
>>Pointed at who?
>That guy over there.
(turning around)
Huh? Did somebody say my-
AAAAAAUGH! MY EYE!! I'VE BEEN BLINDED BY A POINTED STICK!!
Nate's Kilts-a-poppin': Providing for all your tartan needs. We're in
the yellow pages under "It isn't a friggin' skirt!" A MSTie, and damn
proud of it! "Drink the blood of the virgin!" Crow T. Robot, 1998
Julia
>
> On Wed, 16 Jun 1999, Julia wrote:
> >Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
> >
> >< snipped: some funny stuff, but you guys write a LOT :D >
>
> No kidding! Whew! I have to avoid trying to make two or three responses
> a day to this thread, it's cutting into my work, and sleep, and eating,
> showering, you know, the little extras in life.
Life? What is this thing you call... life?
> >> Chowder bowls and light cream, cherry cherry frosting, me!
> >
> >Well, Jeffrey, I did a seroius double-take at this, because I was just
> >looking in the little work fridge I have in my office for something
> >snacky and realized that the only two things I have in there are a bowl
> >of creamy clam chowder and a can-thingy of cherry frosting.
> >
> >Julia - I don't know if I should have admitted that, but there you go.
>
> This is quite scary. I mean, not just the contents of the fridge
> (frightening in and of itself) but the spookily coincidental coincidence,
> especially as I wasn't even trying to perform psychic phenomena at the
> time. It must be orchestrated by some higher being. I think that we'd
> better get married again, just in case bad karma comes otherwise.
I think you're right. It's too scary a coincidence NOT to get married
again. Quick, say "I do."
> JSJ1TG, but the frosting's not for the chowder, right?
Oh no, my dear Jeffrey. No no no no no. The frosting, cute little
net.hubby o' mine, is for *you*.
Julia - briskly stirring said frosting to make it more spreadable. Heh.
Julia
>
> Julia wrote:
> > EvilJen wrote:
> > > *yells across the lake*
> > >
> > > Charlie Wilson is cooking Johnsonville Sex Links!
> > >
> > > *echo*
> > >
> > > Johnsonville Sex Links! Johnsonville Sex Links!
> >
> > Jen, I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you now.
> >
> > Nothing personal, you understand. It's just... you reminded me of that
> > guy. I can't even begin to tell you how genuinely *angry* I get seeing
> > that guy's smug little smarmy face as he prepares to inform the entire
> > freaking resort community that one poor innocent guy is grilling
> > himself and perhaps his family a damn sausage or two. Then to stand
> > there on the edge of the dock motioning everyone over to poor
> > Charlie's grill, all self-satisfied and smirking.... Gah.
>
> <rob> Brain! Out! Now! </rob>
Heed! Paper! Now!
> > So many times now I've thought, "if only I could reach through the
> > screen and push that guy right off the dock..."
>
> I wanna push the big guy who lumbers up there so quickly into the water.
> Then I want to take the scalding-hot, grease-covered spatula and drive
> it into the "friend's" eyes and--
>
> *sees all of RATMM staring at him strangely*
>
> Ah ... ahem. Never mind.
Robert, remind us never to watch TV together. Between this guy and Ms.
UCLending we'd probably end up on a killing spree.
> > Julia - yes, I am aware that it's a commercial, I should really just
> > relax. But I *hate* that guy!
>
> I wonder what demographic these types of commercials attract ...
> certainly not me. Keep your Milk of Magnesia, you sick old woman.
Hey! Who you calling...!
Wait, deep cleansing breaths, right?
*inhale*
*exhale*
Julia - okay, I'm going to go be Zen for a while. I think I need it.
Robert Hutchinson
> Robert Hutchinson wrote:
<big ol' snip of us hating commercials>
> > I wonder what demographic these types of commercials attract ...
> > certainly not me. Keep your Milk of Magnesia, you sick old woman.
>
> Hey! Who you calling...!
The sick old woman who sells Milk of Magnesia, of course. You thought I
meant you?
> Wait, deep cleansing breaths, right?
Hey, there's no reason to be upset, I--
> *inhale*
> *exhale*
. . . . . wait a second . . . get mad again, Julia. *stupid grin*
> Julia - okay, I'm going to go be Zen for a while. I think I need it.
"Looks like it's time to practice some Zen and the art of watching
motorcycle maintenance."
Robert Hutchinson
Weak Line Theater presents!
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Share what you know. Learn what you don't.
Jeffrey Johnson
>Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>> On Wed, 16 Jun 1999, Julia wrote:
>> >Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>> >
>> >< snipped: some funny stuff, but you guys write a LOT :D >
>>
>> No kidding! Whew! I have to avoid trying to make two or three
>> responses a day to this thread, it's cutting into my work, and sleep,
>> and eating, showering, you know, the little extras in life.
>
>Life? What is this thing you call... life?
Life as we know it started in the primeval oceans, in a seething, goopy
cauldron of snips, snails, and puppy dog tails violently washing against
the jagged, newly solidified mounds of igneous substrate suffering the
upheaval of the nascent planet's cooling. From there, it gets a bit
fuzzy...
>> >> Chowder bowls and light cream, cherry cherry frosting, me!
>> >
>> >Well, Jeffrey, I did a seroius double-take at this, because I was
>> >just looking in the little work fridge I have in my office for
>> >something snacky and realized that the only two things I have in there
>> >are a bowl of creamy clam chowder and a can-thingy of cherry frosting.
>> >
>> >Julia - I don't know if I should have admitted that, but there you go.
>>
>> This is quite scary. I mean, not just the contents of the fridge
>> (frightening in and of itself) but the spookily coincidental
>> coincidence, especially as I wasn't even trying to perform psychic
>> phenomena at the time. It must be orchestrated by some higher being.
>> I think that we'd better get married again, just in case bad karma
>> comes otherwise.
>
>I think you're right. It's too scary a coincidence NOT to get married
>again. Quick, say "I do."
I do.
>> JSJ1TG, but the frosting's not for the chowder, right?
>
>Oh no, my dear Jeffrey. No no no no no. The frosting, cute little
>net.hubby o' mine, is for *you*.
"Cherry, cherry frosting, ME!"
>Julia - briskly stirring said frosting to make it more spreadable. Heh.
Maybe we should just stay at home for this frostingmoon, what do you say
Julia?
JSJ1TG, stretching, because it never hurts to be properly warmed up...
Michael Clear
Julia <jso...@rocketmail.com> wrote in message
news:37691B...@rocketmail.com...
(snip)
> Wait, deep cleansing breaths, right?
>
> *exhale*
>
> Julia - okay, I'm going to go be Zen for a while. I think I need it.
Julia, just to be safe, maybe you should take some more deep, cleansing
breaths. (watches Julia's chest as she does this) That's it. Just keep
going. You can't be too careful you know.
Michael Clear
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.capital.net/~maclear
Updated 5/31/99
Spammers: hold up 3 fingers and read my e-mail address
Everyone else: remove read.between.the.lines to e-mail me.
Jeffrey Johnson
Saute me! Egg me, flour me and lay me
In a hot skillet, crank the flames and leave me to sear
>>>>>>>>>>>>>And on a lighter note: clowns!
>>>>>>>>>>>>Not much lighter! Them're scary!
>>>>>>>>>>>And Emmett Kelly is *still eating*!
>>>>>>>>>><munch, munch, edvard>
>>>>>>>>>*scream*
>>>>>>>>Mmmm! Chocolate 'scream!
>>>>>>>The XTREEEEEEEEEM chocolate drink!!!! Chug a can today!
>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream makes you grow light artillery out of
>>>>>>your forearms!
>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make you immortal!
>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make women flock to you!
>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will expand your bank account!
>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grow hair where you want it and
>>remove it from where you don't - painlessly!
>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grant you an unlimited number of
>wishes
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will alter history so that *you* painted
the most famous works of art the world has ever known! Mona Lisa? YOU!
Starry Night? YOU! Irises? YOU, YOU, YOU!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>Not in public, you don't!
>>>>>>>>>>What I do in my front yard is my own business!
>>>>>>>>>Yes, but must you ululate all night?!? Some of us have get up
>>>>>>>>>and go to work the next morning!
>>>>>>>>But my uvula needs the workout!
>>>>>>>Your uvula can already whip twice its own weight in wombats!
>>>>>>Yes, but the wombats don't *taste* very good, so I'm looking for a
>>>>>>new exercise regimen.
>>>>>What about pointed sticks?
>>>>Pointed at who?
>>>That guy over there.
>>The guy that looks like Tom Cruise in glasses and a red striped sweater?
>No, the other one - the one in the funny hat with a "Chicken Inspector"
>button on his vest.
Actually, if you look closely it says 'Chick end inspector'...that's why
he's goosing all the girls.
>>>>>>>>>>Speaking of, whatever *did* happen to the little iguana who
>>>>>>>>>>disappeared from last night's movie?
>>>>>>>>>He was last seen wearing gold boots and gogo-dancing.
>>>>>>>>I bet gila be back.
>>>>>>>Well, sure - I mean, the guy's name *was* "Critter".
>>>>>>So, he'll be back in "Critter II"?
>>>>>Tha New Batch.
>>>>What you never thought possible in <ahem> organ transplants has finally
>>>>come true!
>>>And the company that brought it to your area? AT&T.
>>I won't even display the lack of taste to come up with what AT&T might
>>stand for.
>They'll stand for pretty much anything, except not paying your bill.
That's right, AT&T wants your business so badly, we absolutely will
not refuse to pay your bill!
>>>>>>>>Side-effect explosions! Wow! Silly me! I was taking Propecia
>>>>>>>>because I thought it might give my car *ground* effects! I'm so
>>>>>>>>silly sometimes!
>>>>>>>*giggle giggle*
>>>>>><goofy grin with braces>
>>>>>>So, Bill, are you, like, doing anything, I mean, did you hear about
>>>>>>the, are you going to the, erm, the dance next Friday?
>>>>>Um, like, no. I mean, like, I haven't, yknow, been asked or
>>>>>anything - y'know? (twirls hair nervously)
>>>>Oh, me too, I mean nobody's asked, I haven't ask, I don't go to many
>>>>of the dances <sniffs armpit nervously> ...So do you like Spice Girls?
>>>Um, like, yeah, they're all, like, y'know, really neat and stuff?
>>>So... [bites lip] Um, like, are you gonna, y'know, go to this one?
>>I guess maybe if I could maybe find a da-erm, somebody to, who would
>>maybe, I don't know. <wipes away drool from chin> Do you know anybody
>>who isn't go-who might go but isn't, like, going yet?
>Um, m-m-m-m-maybe. [nervously plays with scrunchie] Um, like, did you
>have anyone, y'know, in particular in mind, or stuff?
Well, I kinda was hoping that, well, I don't know if I should say this,
but, well <blushes> well, I kinda think your sister's cute.
>>>>>>>>>>>>Hey! You're not President!
>>>>>>>>>>>And I never inhaled.
>>>>>>>>>>So that's how you maintain that lovely shade of blue around
>>>>>>>>>>your lips!
>>>>>>>>>It's so difficult to remain stylish yet alive.
>>>>>>>>Ask Karen Carpenter. On second thought, ask Kate Moss.
>>>>>>>Is Kate actually alive? I always considered her some sort of
>>>>>>>semi-animate line drawing.
>>>>>>Oh, like Garfield?
>>>>>Yes, but less animated. And less likely to devour a lasagna.
>>>>And not quite so orange on Sunday.
>>>No, she actually turns green. Mossy green.
>>I blame her animators.
>I accuse her parents.
I blame it on Rio.
>>>>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>>>>>>>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>>>>>>>>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
>>>>>>>>>Oh, you're always so humerus.
>>>>>>>>I rib you any time I can, you know that.
>>>>>>>Ooooh, I love it when you act all grim and sternum.
>>>>>>You fibula-iar!
>>>>>Well, there's not use carpaling about it.
>>>>Poppycoccyx! I can stapes-ed at you if I want.
>>>Just try not tibia sorehead about it.
>>That's nothing! You should hear my patella story about the time a guy
>>cut him off in traffic!
>Mandible must've flown then!
He was swearin' incus-sin'...well, you know what he says, he's never
metacarpal he didn't hate.
>>>>>>>>>So that whole story about Robin Williams was a lie?
>>>>>>>>It was presented as a 20/20 expose, wasn't it?
>>>>>>>It was on "48 Hours", but it was dropped to "60 Minutes", which
>>>>>>>means we got it at about 2.083% of retail. So what should we have
>>>>>>>expected?
>>>>>>A nice bleeding profit margin on resale, that's what!
>>>>>But after applying the Band-Aid brand stock portfolio, what was ther
>>>>>left to do?
>>>>Sell Curad short and corner the market on Bactine.
>>>Well, at least I didn't take a bath Isopropyl Alocohl futures.
>>
>><graduation party>
>>Son, I've got three words for you:
>>JSJ1TG, I Palindrome Iodine...
>
>Enidoi? Well, what good does that do?
Well, it gets Enid's attention, anyhow.
JSJ1TG, on second thought, have you ever seen Enid?
Jean
> Life as we know it started in the primeval oceans, in a seething, goopy
> cauldron of snips, snails, and puppy dog tails violently washing against
> the jagged, newly solidified mounds of igneous substrate suffering the
> upheaval of the nascent planet's cooling. From there, it gets a bit
> fuzzy...
(sigh) I love it when you talk dirty.
Jean
Trainee
Bill Livingston
Mutton chops in batter, anyone can see.
Mutton chops in batter...
Mutton chops in batter - my meeeeal!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>And on a lighter note: clowns!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Not much lighter! Them're scary!
>>>>>>>>>>>>And Emmett Kelly is *still eating*!
>>>>>>>>>>><munch, munch, edvard>
>>>>>>>>>>*scream*
>>>>>>>>>Mmmm! Chocolate 'scream!
>>>>>>>>The XTREEEEEEEEEM chocolate drink!!!! Chug a can today!
>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream makes you grow light artillery out of
>>>>>>>your forearms!
>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make you immortal!
>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make women flock to you!
>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will expand your bank account!
>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grow hair where you want it and
>>>remove it from where you don't - painlessly!
>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grant you an unlimited number of
>>wishes
>
>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will alter history so that *you* painted
>the most famous works of art the world has ever known! Mona Lisa? YOU!
>Starry Night? YOU! Irises? YOU, YOU, YOU!!!
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will give you powers and abilities far beyond
those of mortal men!
>>>>>>>>>>>>Not in public, you don't!
>>>>>>>>>>>What I do in my front yard is my own business!
>>>>>>>>>>Yes, but must you ululate all night?!? Some of us have get up
>>>>>>>>>>and go to work the next morning!
>>>>>>>>>But my uvula needs the workout!
>>>>>>>>Your uvula can already whip twice its own weight in wombats!
>>>>>>>Yes, but the wombats don't *taste* very good, so I'm looking for a
>>>>>>>new exercise regimen.
>>>>>>What about pointed sticks?
>>>>>Pointed at who?
>>>>That guy over there.
>>>The guy that looks like Tom Cruise in glasses and a red striped sweater?
>>No, the other one - the one in the funny hat with a "Chicken Inspector"
>>button on his vest.
>
>Actually, if you look closely it says 'Chick end inspector'...that's why
>he's goosing all the girls.
Yes, but is he FDA licensed?
>>>>>>>>>>>Speaking of, whatever *did* happen to the little iguana who
>>>>>>>>>>>disappeared from last night's movie?
>>>>>>>>>>He was last seen wearing gold boots and gogo-dancing.
>>>>>>>>>I bet gila be back.
>>>>>>>>Well, sure - I mean, the guy's name *was* "Critter".
>>>>>>>So, he'll be back in "Critter II"?
>>>>>>Tha New Batch.
>>>>>What you never thought possible in <ahem> organ transplants has finally
>>>>>come true!
>>>>And the company that brought it to your area? AT&T.
>>>I won't even display the lack of taste to come up with what AT&T might
>>>stand for.
>>They'll stand for pretty much anything, except not paying your bill.
>
>That's right, AT&T wants your business so badly, we absolutely will
>not refuse to pay your bill!
Yes, but MCI will absolutely not refuse not to not pay nothing at all on your
bill, never!
>>>>>>>>>Side-effect explosions! Wow! Silly me! I was taking Propecia
>>>>>>>>>because I thought it might give my car *ground* effects! I'm so
>>>>>>>>>silly sometimes!
>>>>>>>>*giggle giggle*
>>>>>>><goofy grin with braces>
>>>>>>>So, Bill, are you, like, doing anything, I mean, did you hear about
>>>>>>>the, are you going to the, erm, the dance next Friday?
>>>>>>Um, like, no. I mean, like, I haven't, yknow, been asked or
>>>>>>anything - y'know? (twirls hair nervously)
>>>>>Oh, me too, I mean nobody's asked, I haven't ask, I don't go to many
>>>>>of the dances <sniffs armpit nervously> ...So do you like Spice Girls?
>>>>Um, like, yeah, they're all, like, y'know, really neat and stuff?
>>>>So... [bites lip] Um, like, are you gonna, y'know, go to this one?
>>>I guess maybe if I could maybe find a da-erm, somebody to, who would
>>>maybe, I don't know. <wipes away drool from chin> Do you know anybody
>>>who isn't go-who might go but isn't, like, going yet?
>>Um, m-m-m-m-maybe. [nervously plays with scrunchie] Um, like, did you
>>have anyone, y'know, in particular in mind, or stuff?
>
>Well, I kinda was hoping that, well, I don't know if I should say this,
>but, well <blushes> well, I kinda think your sister's cute.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs home sobbing*
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hey! You're not President!
>>>>>>>>>>>>And I never inhaled.
>>>>>>>>>>>So that's how you maintain that lovely shade of blue around
>>>>>>>>>>>your lips!
>>>>>>>>>>It's so difficult to remain stylish yet alive.
>>>>>>>>>Ask Karen Carpenter. On second thought, ask Kate Moss.
>>>>>>>>Is Kate actually alive? I always considered her some sort of
>>>>>>>>semi-animate line drawing.
>>>>>>>Oh, like Garfield?
>>>>>>Yes, but less animated. And less likely to devour a lasagna.
>>>>>And not quite so orange on Sunday.
>>>>No, she actually turns green. Mossy green.
>>>I blame her animators.
>>I accuse her parents.
>
>I blame it on Rio.
I blame it on the drain, that was plugged and clogging.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>>>>>>>>>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
>>>>>>>>>>Oh, you're always so humerus.
>>>>>>>>>I rib you any time I can, you know that.
>>>>>>>>Ooooh, I love it when you act all grim and sternum.
>>>>>>>You fibula-iar!
>>>>>>Well, there's not use carpaling about it.
>>>>>Poppycoccyx! I can stapes-ed at you if I want.
>>>>Just try not tibia sorehead about it.
>>>That's nothing! You should hear my patella story about the time a guy
>>>cut him off in traffic!
>>Mandible must've flown then!
>
>He was swearin' incus-sin'...well, you know what he says, he's never
>metacarpal he didn't hate.
I love it when he plays his clavicle.
>>>>>>>>>>So that whole story about Robin Williams was a lie?
>>>>>>>>>It was presented as a 20/20 expose, wasn't it?
>>>>>>>>It was on "48 Hours", but it was dropped to "60 Minutes", which
>>>>>>>>means we got it at about 2.083% of retail. So what should we have
>>>>>>>>expected?
>>>>>>>A nice bleeding profit margin on resale, that's what!
>>>>>>But after applying the Band-Aid brand stock portfolio, what was ther
>>>>>>left to do?
>>>>>Sell Curad short and corner the market on Bactine.
>>>>Well, at least I didn't take a bath Isopropyl Alocohl futures.
>>><graduation party>
>>>Son, I've got three words for you:
>>>JSJ1TG, I Palindrome Iodine...
>>Enidoi? Well, what good does that do?
>
>Well, it gets Enid's attention, anyhow.
By imitating Jocko?
>JSJ1TG, on second thought, have you ever seen Enid?
*bdum-dum* Thank you folks, he's here all week.
Bill L.
Enjoy the mutton chops
Andrew R Weber
On Thu, 10 Jun 1999, Jean wrote:
> Lori Holuta wrote:
>
> > Yes! Free the Sex Links. They've been oppressed too long. Let's have a
> > march! Free the Sex Links! We shall overcome!
>
> This is the result of reading Hooked on Phonics upside down. It's Free
> Six Lynx. They are an endangered species, and the humane society is
> passing them out to all people who have good homes for them.
I thought it was more than six. Let's see, there was Carol Ann Shudlick,
Shelley Sandie, Kim Williams, Octavia Blue...who else did coach Agler cut
before training camp ended?
>
> Jean
> Purr
>
Andrew "trading logical thought patterns for draft picks since 1985" Weber
awe...@geog.buffalo.edu
(reply here, not above)
MST#60088
Jeffrey Johnson
>Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>
>> Life as we know it started in the primeval oceans, in a seething,
>> goopy cauldron of snips, snails, and puppy dog tails violently washing
>> against the jagged, newly solidified mounds of igneous substrate
>> suffering the upheaval of the nascent planet's cooling. From there, it
>> gets a bit fuzzy...
>
*You* love it?!? I got steamy just writing it!
In fact, I'm typing with one hand right now!
JSJ1TG, 'course, I'm using the other hand to brush my teeth, but don't let
that keep your mind from wandering...
Derek Janssen
>
> In fact, I'm typing with one hand right now!
>
> JSJ1TG, 'course, I'm using the other hand to brush my teeth, but don't let
> that keep your mind from wandering..
Darn, and here I already fixed that hole, where the rain came in...NOW
what am I supposed to do??
Derek Janssen
dja...@ultranet.com
Noah Singman
>Wait, deep cleansing breaths, right?
>*inhale*
>*exhale*
Thank you, Julia. :-)
Noah
MST#59539
Love those deep cleansing breaths. :-)
Julia
>
> On Thu, 17 Jun 1999, Julia wrote:
> >Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
> >> On Wed, 16 Jun 1999, Julia wrote:
> >> >Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
> >> >
> >> >< snipped: some funny stuff, but you guys write a LOT :D >
> >>
> >> No kidding! Whew! I have to avoid trying to make two or three
> >> responses a day to this thread, it's cutting into my work, and sleep,
> >> and eating, showering, you know, the little extras in life.
> >
> >Life? What is this thing you call... life?
>
> cauldron of snips, snails, and puppy dog tails violently washing against
> the jagged, newly solidified mounds of igneous substrate suffering the
> upheaval of the nascent planet's cooling. From there, it gets a bit
> fuzzy...
...as creatures began to appear sporting what we now call "angora"...
> >> >> Chowder bowls and light cream, cherry cherry frosting, me!
> >> >
> >> >Well, Jeffrey, I did a seroius double-take at this, because I was
> >> >just looking in the little work fridge I have in my office for
> >> >something snacky and realized that the only two things I have in there
> >> >are a bowl of creamy clam chowder and a can-thingy of cherry frosting.
> >> >
> >> >Julia - I don't know if I should have admitted that, but there you go.
> >>
> >> This is quite scary. I mean, not just the contents of the fridge
> >> (frightening in and of itself) but the spookily coincidental
> >> coincidence, especially as I wasn't even trying to perform psychic
> >> phenomena at the time. It must be orchestrated by some higher being.
> >> I think that we'd better get married again, just in case bad karma
> >> comes otherwise.
> >
> >I think you're right. It's too scary a coincidence NOT to get married
> >again. Quick, say "I do."
> I do.
*snif*
It's just as wonderful as it was the first time...
> >> JSJ1TG, but the frosting's not for the chowder, right?
> >
> >Oh no, my dear Jeffrey. No no no no no. The frosting, cute little
> >net.hubby o' mine, is for *you*.
>
> "Cherry, cherry frosting, ME!"
Magnifico!
> >Julia - briskly stirring said frosting to make it more spreadable. Heh.
>
> Maybe we should just stay at home for this frostingmoon, what do you say
> Julia?
Probably a really good idea what with a shower so nearby and all. This
could get sticky.
> JSJ1TG, stretching, because it never hurts to be properly warmed up...
Good plan. You can never be too warmed up and limber, I always say.
Julia - flexible, too.
Jeffrey Johnson
>Previously on "In Living Color", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>On 16 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>Previously on "Everybody Loves Raymond", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>On 16 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>Previously on "Police Story", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>On 15 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>Previously on "Yan Can Cook", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>>On Tue, 15 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>>>Previously on "Forever Knight", Jeffrey Johnson said...
>>>>>>>>>>On 14 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>Previously on "Flipper", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>Now we know what *really* happened to Freddie Mercury.
>>>>>>>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the working
>>>>>>>>>>title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
Icing a muffin that is all made of bran
Anyway, the wine blows...
>>>>>>>>>>>><munch, munch, edvard>
>>>>>>>>>>>*scream*
>>>>>>>>>>Mmmm! Chocolate 'scream!
>>>>>>>>>The XTREEEEEEEEEM chocolate drink!!!! Chug a can today!
>>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream makes you grow light artillery out
>>>>>>>>of your forearms!
>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make you immortal!
>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make women flock to you!
>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will expand your bank account!
>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grow hair where you want it and
>>>>remove it from where you don't - painlessly!
>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grant you an unlimited number of
>>>wishes
>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will alter history so that *you* painted
>>the most famous works of art the world has ever known! Mona Lisa?
>>YOU! Starry Night? YOU! Irises? YOU, YOU, YOU!!!
>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will give you powers and abilities far
>beyond those of mortal men!
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will relieve constipation and bloating!
>>>>>>Pointed at who?
>>>>>That guy over there.
>>>>The guy that looks like Tom Cruise in glasses and a red striped
>>>>sweater?
>>>No, the other one - the one in the funny hat with a "Chicken
>>>Inspector" button on his vest.
>>Actually, if you look closely it says 'Chick end inspector'...that's
>>why he's goosing all the girls.
>Yes, but is he FDA licensed?
Yep, he's fully accredited by the Feelin' Derriere Association.
>>>>>>>Tha New Batch.
>>>>>>What you never thought possible in <ahem> organ transplants has
>>>>>>finally come true!
>>>>>And the company that brought it to your area? AT&T.
>>>>I won't even display the lack of taste to come up with what AT&T
>>>>might stand for.
>>>They'll stand for pretty much anything, except not paying your bill.
>>That's right, AT&T wants your business so badly, we absolutely will
>>not refuse to pay your bill!
>Yes, but MCI will absolutely not refuse not to not pay nothing at all on
>your bill, never!
You're going to have to diagram that advertising pitch for me, Bill.
>>>>>>>>>>Side-effect explosions! Wow! Silly me! I was taking Propecia
>>>>>>>>>>because I thought it might give my car *ground* effects! I'm
>>>>>>>>>>so silly sometimes!
>>>>>>>>>*giggle giggle*
>>>>>>>><goofy grin with braces>
>>>>>>>>So, Bill, are you, like, doing anything, I mean, did you hear
>>>>>>>>about the, are you going to the, erm, the dance next Friday?
>>>>>>>Um, like, no. I mean, like, I haven't, yknow, been asked or
>>>>>>>anything - y'know? (twirls hair nervously)
>>>>>>Oh, me too, I mean nobody's asked, I haven't ask, I don't go to
>>>>>>many of the dances <sniffs armpit nervously> ...So do you like Spice
>>>>>>Girls?
>>>>>Um, like, yeah, they're all, like, y'know, really neat and stuff?
>>>>>So... [bites lip] Um, like, are you gonna, y'know, go to this one?
>>>>I guess maybe if I could maybe find a da-erm, somebody to, who would
>>>>maybe, I don't know. <wipes away drool from chin> Do you know
>>>>anybody who isn't go-who might go but isn't, like, going yet?
>>>Um, m-m-m-m-maybe. [nervously plays with scrunchie] Um, like, did you
>>>have anyone, y'know, in particular in mind, or stuff?
>>Well, I kinda was hoping that, well, I don't know if I should say this,
>>but, well <blushes> well, I kinda think your sister's cute.
>Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs home
>sobbing*
I wonder what got into her?
>>>>>>>>>>Ask Karen Carpenter. On second thought, ask Kate Moss.
>>>>>>>>>Is Kate actually alive? I always considered her some sort of
>>>>>>>>>semi-animate line drawing.
>>>>>>>>Oh, like Garfield?
>>>>>>>Yes, but less animated. And less likely to devour a lasagna.
>>>>>>And not quite so orange on Sunday.
>>>>>No, she actually turns green. Mossy green.
>>>>I blame her animators.
>>>I accuse her parents.
>>I blame it on Rio.
>I blame it on the drain, that was plugged and clogging.
You Taco Loco!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>>>>>>>>>>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
>>>>>>>>>>>Oh, you're always so humerus.
>>>>>>>>>>I rib you any time I can, you know that.
>>>>>>>>>Ooooh, I love it when you act all grim and sternum.
>>>>>>>>You fibula-iar!
>>>>>>>Well, there's not use carpaling about it.
>>>>>>Poppycoccyx! I can stapes-ed at you if I want.
>>>>>Just try not tibia sorehead about it.
>>>>That's nothing! You should hear my patella story about the time a
>>>>guy cut him off in traffic!
>>>Mandible must've flown then!
>>He was swearin' incus-sin'...well, you know what he says, he's never
>>metacarpal he didn't hate.
>I love it when he plays his clavicle.
Oh, it's pure skullduggery.
>>>>>>>>>>>So that whole story about Robin Williams was a lie?
>>>>>>>>>>It was presented as a 20/20 expose, wasn't it?
>>>>>>>>>It was on "48 Hours", but it was dropped to "60 Minutes", which
>>>>>>>>>means we got it at about 2.083% of retail. So what should we
>>>>>>>>>have expected?
>>>>>>>>A nice bleeding profit margin on resale, that's what!
>>>>>>>But after applying the Band-Aid brand stock portfolio, what was
>>>>>>>there left to do?
>>>>>>Sell Curad short and corner the market on Bactine.
>>>>>Well, at least I didn't take a bath Isopropyl Alocohl futures.
>>>><graduation party>
>>>>Son, I've got three words for you:
>>>>JSJ1TG, I Palindrome Iodine...
>>>Enidoi? Well, what good does that do?
>>Well, it gets Enid's attention, anyhow.
>By imitating Jocko?
What, the dog from Lady And The Tramp?
>>JSJ1TG, on second thought, have you ever seen Enid?
>*bdum-dum* Thank you folks, he's here all week.
That implies I won't be here next week.
JSJ1TG, you could only be so lucky...
Bill Livingston
>On 17 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>Previously on "In Living Color", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>On 16 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>Previously on "Everybody Loves Raymond", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>On 16 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>Previously on "Police Story", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>On 15 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>>Previously on "Yan Can Cook", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>>>On Tue, 15 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>Previously on "Forever Knight", Jeffrey Johnson said...
>>>>>>>>>>>title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
>
>Icing a muffin that is all made of bran
Cutting a lime pie, no meringue on it please for me.
Party on, Wayne!
>>>>>>>>>>>>><munch, munch, edvard>
>>>>>>>>>>>>*scream*
>>>>>>>>>>>Mmmm! Chocolate 'scream!
>>>>>>>>>>The XTREEEEEEEEEM chocolate drink!!!! Chug a can today!
>>>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream makes you grow light artillery out
>>>>>>>>>of your forearms!
>>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make you immortal!
>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make women flock to you!
>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will expand your bank account!
>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grow hair where you want it and
>>>>>remove it from where you don't - painlessly!
>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grant you an unlimited number of
>>>>wishes
>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will alter history so that *you* painted
>>>the most famous works of art the world has ever known! Mona Lisa?
>>>YOU! Starry Night? YOU! Irises? YOU, YOU, YOU!!!
>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will give you powers and abilities far
>>beyond those of mortal men!
>
>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will relieve constipation and bloating!
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will cause you enemies to cower before you!
>>>>>>>Pointed at who?
>>>>>>That guy over there.
>>>>>The guy that looks like Tom Cruise in glasses and a red striped
>>>>>sweater?
>>>>No, the other one - the one in the funny hat with a "Chicken
>>>>Inspector" button on his vest.
>>>Actually, if you look closely it says 'Chick end inspector'...that's
>>>why he's goosing all the girls.
>>Yes, but is he FDA licensed?
>
>Yep, he's fully accredited by the Feelin' Derriere Association.
Well, okay. But only if he presents us with the test results.
>>>>>>>>Tha New Batch.
>>>>>>>What you never thought possible in <ahem> organ transplants has
>>>>>>>finally come true!
>>>>>>And the company that brought it to your area? AT&T.
>>>>>I won't even display the lack of taste to come up with what AT&T
>>>>>might stand for.
>>>>They'll stand for pretty much anything, except not paying your bill.
>>>That's right, AT&T wants your business so badly, we absolutely will
>>>not refuse to pay your bill!
>>Yes, but MCI will absolutely not refuse not to not pay nothing at all on
>>your bill, never!
>
>You're going to have to diagram that advertising pitch for me, Bill.
Okay, look. The large pyramid with the eye in it represents AT&T. The Borg
Cube with the smiley face on it is MCI. The mysterious silver ball with the
unknown language inscribed on it is Sprint. And the bulldog who is piddling
on them all is 10-10-345. Any questions?
>>>>>I guess maybe if I could maybe find a da-erm, somebody to, who would
>>>>>maybe, I don't know. <wipes away drool from chin> Do you know
>>>>>anybody who isn't go-who might go but isn't, like, going yet?
>>>>Um, m-m-m-m-maybe. [nervously plays with scrunchie] Um, like, did you
>>>>have anyone, y'know, in particular in mind, or stuff?
>>>Well, I kinda was hoping that, well, I don't know if I should say this,
>>>but, well <blushes> well, I kinda think your sister's cute.
>>Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs home
>>sobbing*
>
>I wonder what got into her?
I think she got a pebble in her shoe.
>>>>>>>>>>>Ask Karen Carpenter. On second thought, ask Kate Moss.
>>>>>>>>>>Is Kate actually alive? I always considered her some sort of
>>>>>>>>>>semi-animate line drawing.
>>>>>>>>>Oh, like Garfield?
>>>>>>>>Yes, but less animated. And less likely to devour a lasagna.
>>>>>>>And not quite so orange on Sunday.
>>>>>>No, she actually turns green. Mossy green.
>>>>>I blame her animators.
>>>>I accuse her parents.
>>>I blame it on Rio.
>>I blame it on the drain, that was plugged and clogging.
>
>You Taco Loco!
Hey, it sure beats raising cattle.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
>>>>>>>>>>>>Oh, you're always so humerus.
>>>>>>>>>>>I rib you any time I can, you know that.
>>>>>>>>>>Ooooh, I love it when you act all grim and sternum.
>>>>>>>>>You fibula-iar!
>>>>>>>>Well, there's not use carpaling about it.
>>>>>>>Poppycoccyx! I can stapes-ed at you if I want.
>>>>>>Just try not tibia sorehead about it.
>>>>>That's nothing! You should hear my patella story about the time a
>>>>>guy cut him off in traffic!
>>>>Mandible must've flown then!
>>>He was swearin' incus-sin'...well, you know what he says, he's never
>>>metacarpal he didn't hate.
>>I love it when he plays his clavicle.
>
>Oh, it's pure skullduggery.
You're just trying to flanges pun a bit more.
>>>>>>>>>>>>So that whole story about Robin Williams was a lie?
>>>>>>>>>>>It was presented as a 20/20 expose, wasn't it?
>>>>>>>>>>It was on "48 Hours", but it was dropped to "60 Minutes", which
>>>>>>>>>>means we got it at about 2.083% of retail. So what should we
>>>>>>>>>>have expected?
>>>>>>>>>A nice bleeding profit margin on resale, that's what!
>>>>>>>>But after applying the Band-Aid brand stock portfolio, what was
>>>>>>>>there left to do?
>>>>>>>Sell Curad short and corner the market on Bactine.
>>>>>>Well, at least I didn't take a bath Isopropyl Alocohl futures.
>>>>><graduation party>
>>>>>Son, I've got three words for you:
>>>>>JSJ1TG, I Palindrome Iodine...
>>>>Enidoi? Well, what good does that do?
>>>Well, it gets Enid's attention, anyhow.
>>By imitating Jocko?
>
>What, the dog from Lady And The Tramp?
Bella Note!
>>>JSJ1TG, on second thought, have you ever seen Enid?
>>*bdum-dum* Thank you folks, he's here all week.
>
>That implies I won't be here next week.
>JSJ1TG, you could only be so lucky...
Well, if you're not, we have a spare Jeffrey Johnson. There's *always* a
spare Jeffrey Johnson in the continuum somewhere.
Bill L.
Overstocked on Jeffrey Johnsons and everything - *must* - GO!!!
Bill Livingston
>Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>On Thu, 17 Jun 1999, Julia wrote:
>>>Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>On Wed, 16 Jun 1999, Julia wrote:
>>>>>Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>< snipped: some funny stuff, but you guys write a LOT :D >
>>>>
>>>>No kidding! Whew! I have to avoid trying to make two or three
>>>>responses a day to this thread, it's cutting into my work, and sleep,
>>>>and eating, showering, you know, the little extras in life.
>>>
>>>Life? What is this thing you call... life?
>>
>>Life as we know it started in the primeval oceans, in a seething, goopy
>>cauldron of snips, snails, and puppy dog tails violently washing against
>>the jagged, newly solidified mounds of igneous substrate suffering the
>>upheaval of the nascent planet's cooling. From there, it gets a bit
>>fuzzy...
>
Ah, the theory of Edwoodlution!
>>>Julia - briskly stirring said frosting to make it more spreadable. Heh.
>>
>>Maybe we should just stay at home for this frostingmoon, what do you say
>>Julia?
>
>Probably a really good idea what with a shower so nearby and all. This
>could get sticky.
Bit of a sticky wicket, what?
>>JSJ1TG, stretching, because it never hurts to be properly warmed up...
>
>Good plan. You can never be too warmed up and limber, I always say.
Well, if you start actually loosing physical definition and melt into an
amorphous blob of flesh (as I often do), then chances are, you *are* too
warmed up and limber.
Bill L.
aka The Incredible Melting Bill
Derek Janssen
>
> >>>>>>And the company that brought it to your area? AT&T.
> >>>>>I won't even display the lack of taste to come up with what AT&T
> >>>>>might stand for.
> >>>>They'll stand for pretty much anything, except not paying your bill.
> >>>That's right, AT&T wants your business so badly, we absolutely will
> >>>not refuse to pay your bill!
> >>Yes, but MCI will absolutely not refuse not to not pay nothing at all on
> >>your bill, never!
> >
> >You're going to have to diagram that advertising pitch for me, Bill.
>
> Okay, look. The large pyramid with the eye in it represents AT&T. The Borg
> Cube with the smiley face on it is MCI. The mysterious silver ball with the
> unknown language inscribed on it is Sprint. And the bulldog who is piddling
> on them all is 10-10-345. Any questions?
Yeah: Didn't you know 10-10-345 is actually an offshoot of AT&T, trying
to capitalize on AT&T-bashing craze?...
(And they have to resort to a publisher's-clearinghouse contest to keep
new customers...Yep, sounds like the weasely bastards.)
Derek Janssen
dja...@ultranet.com
Bill Livingston
>Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>>And the company that brought it to your area? AT&T.
>>>>>>>I won't even display the lack of taste to come up with what AT&T
>>>>>>>might stand for.
>>>>>>They'll stand for pretty much anything, except not paying your bill.
>>>>>That's right, AT&T wants your business so badly, we absolutely will
>>>>>not refuse to pay your bill!
>>>>Yes, but MCI will absolutely not refuse not to not pay nothing at all on
>>>>your bill, never!
>>>
>>>You're going to have to diagram that advertising pitch for me, Bill.
>>
>>Okay, look. The large pyramid with the eye in it represents AT&T. The Borg
>>Cube with the smiley face on it is MCI. The mysterious silver ball with the
>>unknown language inscribed on it is Sprint. And the bulldog who is piddling
>>on them all is 10-10-345. Any questions?
>
>to capitalize on AT&T-bashing craze?...
Actually - no, I didn't know that.
>(And they have to resort to a publisher's-clearinghouse contest to keep
>new customers...Yep, sounds like the weasely bastards.)
Now my faith in huge mega-conglomerations is shattered. 8-]
Bill L.
"It's - THE DEATH STAR!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
(1 pt, around here)
The Midnight Rambler
Noah Singman wrote:
To recap the thread for those of you just joining us...
Julia has breasts.
They're fairly large.
--
Another corrupting influence on our children from
Lonesome Rob Fontenot, The Midnight Rambler
------------------------------------------------
http://home.earthlink.net/~rfontenot
------------------------------------------------
"Trifles make perfection and perfection is no trifle."
-- Michealangelo
Jeffrey Johnson
>Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>> On Thu, 17 Jun 1999, Julia wrote:
>> >Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>> >> On Wed, 16 Jun 1999, Julia wrote:
>> >> >Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>> >> >
>> >> >< snipped: some funny stuff, but you guys write a LOT :D >
>> >>
>> >> No kidding! Whew! I have to avoid trying to make two or three
>> >> responses a day to this thread, it's cutting into my work, and
>> >> sleep, and eating, showering, you know, the little extras in life.
>> >
>> >Life? What is this thing you call... life?
>>
>> Life as we know it started in the primeval oceans, in a seething,
>> goopy cauldron of snips, snails, and puppy dog tails violently
>> washing against the jagged, newly solidified mounds of igneous
>> substrate suffering the upheaval of the nascent planet's cooling.
>> From there, it gets a bit fuzzy...
>
>...as creatures began to appear sporting what we now call "angora"...
Whoda thunk it? Evolution takes about ten minutes to figure out angora,
but then it takes several billion years to think up Ed Wood.
>> >> >> Chowder bowls and light cream, cherry cherry frosting, me!
>> >> >
>> >> >Well, Jeffrey, I did a seroius double-take at this, because I was
>> >> >just looking in the little work fridge I have in my office for
>> >> >something snacky and realized that the only two things I have in
>> >> >there are a bowl of creamy clam chowder and a can-thingy of cherry
>> >> >frosting.
>> >>
>> >> This is quite scary. I mean, not just the contents of the fridge
>> >> (frightening in and of itself) but the spookily coincidental
>> >> coincidence, especially as I wasn't even trying to perform psychic
>> >> phenomena at the time. It must be orchestrated by some higher
>> >> being. I think that we'd better get married again, just in case bad
>> >> karma comes otherwise.
>> >
>> >I think you're right. It's too scary a coincidence NOT to get married
>> >again. Quick, say "I do."
>> I do.
>
>*snif*
>
>It's just as wonderful as it was the first time...
You're going to get me all sentimental now. Stop it.
>> >> JSJ1TG, but the frosting's not for the chowder, right?
>> >
>> >Oh no, my dear Jeffrey. No no no no no. The frosting, cute little
>> >net.hubby o' mine, is for *you*.
>>
>> "Cherry, cherry frosting, ME!"
>
>Magnifico!
Well, sure, I suppose I could go with some Marinara too, if you'd enjoy
that.
>> >Julia - briskly stirring said frosting to make it more spreadable.
>> >Heh.
>>
>> Maybe we should just stay at home for this frostingmoon, what do you
>> say Julia?
>
>Probably a really good idea what with a shower so nearby and all. This
>could get sticky.
Just as long as we don't pull out the glue traps this time.
>> JSJ1TG, stretching, because it never hurts to be properly warmed up...
>
>Good plan. You can never be too warmed up and limber, I always say.
>
>Julia - flexible, too.
JSJ1TG <contort, contort>
The Midnight Rambler
Bill Livingston wrote:
> Previously on "Veronica's Closet", Julia wrote:
> >Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
> >>On Thu, 17 Jun 1999, Julia wrote:
> >>>Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
> >>>>On Wed, 16 Jun 1999, Julia wrote:
> >>>>>Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
> >>>>>
> >>>>>< snipped: some funny stuff, but you guys write a LOT :D >
> >>>>
> >>>>No kidding! Whew! I have to avoid trying to make two or three
> >>>>responses a day to this thread, it's cutting into my work, and sleep,
> >>>>and eating, showering, you know, the little extras in life.
> >>>
> >>>Life? What is this thing you call... life?
> >>
> >>Life as we know it started in the primeval oceans, in a seething, goopy
> >>cauldron of snips, snails, and puppy dog tails violently washing against
> >>the jagged, newly solidified mounds of igneous substrate suffering the
> >>upheaval of the nascent planet's cooling. From there, it gets a bit
> >>fuzzy...
> >
> >....as creatures began to appear sporting what we now call "angora"...
>
> Ah, the theory of Edwoodlution!
Ah, the *sailing* Ed Wood. Captain Ed Wood. Commodore Ed Wood.
Everybody's got a little Ed Wood in him! Everybody! All except one man... the
ANTI-Ed Wood.
John Sayles has no Ed Wood in him.
And there's Ed Wood in Michael Bay, but he's trying to come out!
The Midnight Rambler
Julia wrote:
> Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
> >
> > On Thu, 17 Jun 1999, Julia wrote:
> > >Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
> > >> On Wed, 16 Jun 1999, Julia wrote:
> > >> >Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
> > >> >
> > >> >< snipped: some funny stuff, but you guys write a LOT :D >
> > >>
> > >> No kidding! Whew! I have to avoid trying to make two or three
> > >> responses a day to this thread, it's cutting into my work, and sleep,
> > >> and eating, showering, you know, the little extras in life.
> > >
> > >Life? What is this thing you call... life?
> >
> > Life as we know it started in the primeval oceans, in a seething, goopy
> > cauldron of snips, snails, and puppy dog tails violently washing against
> > the jagged, newly solidified mounds of igneous substrate suffering the
> > upheaval of the nascent planet's cooling. From there, it gets a bit
> > fuzzy...
>
> ...as creatures began to appear sporting what we now call "angora"...
>
> > >> >> Chowder bowls and light cream, cherry cherry frosting, me!
> > >> >
> > >> >Well, Jeffrey, I did a seroius double-take at this, because I was
> > >> >just looking in the little work fridge I have in my office for
> > >> >something snacky and realized that the only two things I have in there
> > >> >are a bowl of creamy clam chowder and a can-thingy of cherry frosting.
> > >> >
> > >> >Julia - I don't know if I should have admitted that, but there you go.
> > >>
> > >> This is quite scary. I mean, not just the contents of the fridge
> > >> (frightening in and of itself) but the spookily coincidental
> > >> coincidence, especially as I wasn't even trying to perform psychic
> > >> phenomena at the time. It must be orchestrated by some higher being.
> > >> I think that we'd better get married again, just in case bad karma
> > >> comes otherwise.
> > >
> > >I think you're right. It's too scary a coincidence NOT to get married
> > >again. Quick, say "I do."
> > I do.
>
> *snif*
>
> It's just as wonderful as it was the first time...
>
> > >> JSJ1TG, but the frosting's not for the chowder, right?
> > >
> > >Oh no, my dear Jeffrey. No no no no no. The frosting, cute little
> > >net.hubby o' mine, is for *you*.
> >
> > "Cherry, cherry frosting, ME!"
>
> Magnifico!
OhOhohohhhh.....
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
Jeffrey Johnson, Jeffrey Johnson, Jeffrey Johnson, let me go....
The Con-tin-u-UM has a goldfish set aside for me....
for ME.....
for *MEEEEEEEEEEEE!
*head bang*
Michael Clear
The Midnight Rambler <rfon...@earthlink.net> wrote...
(snip)
> Everybody's got a little Ed Wood in him! Everybody! All except one man...
the
> ANTI-Ed Wood.
>
> John Sayles has no Ed Wood in him.
>
> And there's Ed Wood in Michael Bay, but he's trying to come out!
I was going to add Quentin Tarantino to that list, but then I thought about
it and realized that Ed Wood could very well have tried to make a movie
like PULP FICTION. Oh, it would have sucked, but then again you can't
really blame Wood. We've seen from all the PULP FICTION ripoffs over the
years that you have to have Tarantino's writing ability to make a movie
like that work.
Michael Clear
The Midnight Rambler <rfon...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:376AB861...@earthlink.net...
>
>
> Noah Singman wrote:
>
> > Julia wrote:
> > >Wait, deep cleansing breaths, right?
> >
> > >*inhale*
> > >*exhale*
> >
> > Thank you, Julia. :-)
> >
> > Noah
> > MST#59539
> > Love those deep cleansing breaths. :-)
>
> To recap the thread for those of you just joining us...
>
> Julia has breasts.
>
> They're fairly large.
After conducting a detailed and thorough study of Julia's breasts, I can
confirm the aforementioned allegations of their largeness and can add the
fact that they are spectacular.
Let us all worship Julia's breasts.
If a religion is created over them, I get to be Pope.
Jeffrey Johnson
>Previously on "Absolutely Fabulous", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>On 17 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>Previously on "In Living Color", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>On 16 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>Previously on "Everybody Loves Raymond", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the
>>>>>>>>>>>>working title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped
>>>>>>>>>>>>Dumplings'...
>>
>>Icing a muffin that is all made of bran
>
>Cutting a lime pie, no meringue on it please for me.
Eh?
Party on, Garth! And that was supposed to say 'flows'...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>><munch, munch, edvard>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>*scream*
>>>>>>>>>>>>Mmmm! Chocolate 'scream!
>>>>>>>>>>>The XTREEEEEEEEEM chocolate drink!!!! Chug a can today!
>>>>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream makes you grow light artillery
>>>>>>>>>>out of your forearms!
>>>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make you immortal!
>>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make women flock to you!
>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will expand your bank account!
>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grow hair where you want it and
>>>>>>remove it from where you don't - painlessly!
>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grant you an unlimited number of
>>>>>wishes
>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will alter history so that *you*
>>>>painted the most famous works of art the world has ever known! Mona
>>>>Lisa? YOU! Starry Night? YOU! Irises? YOU, YOU, YOU!!!
>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will give you powers and abilities far
>>>beyond those of mortal men!
>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will relieve constipation and bloating!
>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will cause you enemies to cower before
>you!
XTREEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will keep your personal computer from
crashing, even if it's a Windows machine!
>>>>>>>>Pointed at who?
>>>>>>>That guy over there.
>>>>>>The guy that looks like Tom Cruise in glasses and a red striped
>>>>>>sweater?
>>>>>No, the other one - the one in the funny hat with a "Chicken
>>>>>Inspector" button on his vest.
>>>>Actually, if you look closely it says 'Chick end inspector'...that's
>>>>why he's goosing all the girls.
>>>Yes, but is he FDA licensed?
>>Yep, he's fully accredited by the Feelin' Derriere Association.
>Well, okay. But only if he presents us with the test results.
If you pay him $15 dollars, he'll let you borrow the license for and hour.
>>>>>They'll stand for pretty much anything, except not paying your bill.
>>>>That's right, AT&T wants your business so badly, we absolutely will
>>>>not refuse to pay your bill!
>>>Yes, but MCI will absolutely not refuse not to not pay nothing at all
>>>on your bill, never!
>>You're going to have to diagram that advertising pitch for me, Bill.
>Okay, look. The large pyramid with the eye in it represents AT&T. The
>Borg Cube with the smiley face on it is MCI. The mysterious silver ball
>with the unknown language inscribed on it is Sprint. And the bulldog who
>is piddling on them all is 10-10-345. Any questions?
Yeah. Why do I care? I'm not switching to MCI unless they get me a pony!
>>>>>>I guess maybe if I could maybe find a da-erm, somebody to, who
>>>>>>would maybe, I don't know. <wipes away drool from chin> Do you know
>>>>>>anybody who isn't go-who might go but isn't, like, going yet?
>>>>>Um, m-m-m-m-maybe. [nervously plays with scrunchie] Um, like, did
>>>>>you have anyone, y'know, in particular in mind, or stuff?
>>>>Well, I kinda was hoping that, well, I don't know if I should say
>>>>this, but, well <blushes> well, I kinda think your sister's cute.
>>>Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs home
>>>sobbing*
>>I wonder what got into her?
>I think she got a pebble in her shoe.
Girls. Always getting gravel stuck in their clothes.
>>>>>>>>>>>>Ask Karen Carpenter. On second thought, ask Kate Moss.
>>>>>>>>>>>Is Kate actually alive? I always considered her some sort of
>>>>>>>>>>>semi-animate line drawing.
>>>>>>>>>>Oh, like Garfield?
>>>>>>>>>Yes, but less animated. And less likely to devour a lasagna.
>>>>>>>>And not quite so orange on Sunday.
>>>>>>>No, she actually turns green. Mossy green.
>>>>>>I blame her animators.
>>>>>I accuse her parents.
>>>>I blame it on Rio.
>>>I blame it on the drain, that was plugged and clogging.
>>You Taco Loco!
>Hey, it sure beats raising cattle.
It also beats Taco Bell 3 to 1 in a National Taste Test.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Oh, you're always so humerus.
>>>>>>>>>>>>I rib you any time I can, you know that.
>>>>>>>>>>>Ooooh, I love it when you act all grim and sternum.
>>>>>>>>>>You fibula-iar!
>>>>>>>>>Well, there's not use carpaling about it.
>>>>>>>>Poppycoccyx! I can stapes-ed at you if I want.
>>>>>>>Just try not tibia sorehead about it.
>>>>>>That's nothing! You should hear my patella story about the time a
>>>>>>guy cut him off in traffic!
>>>>>Mandible must've flown then!
>>>>He was swearin' incus-sin'...well, you know what he says, he's never
>>>>metacarpal he didn't hate.
>>>I love it when he plays his clavicle.
>>Oh, it's pure skullduggery.
>You're just trying to flanges pun a bit more.
Oh, you'll get pelvis scapula-tory, Bill!
>>>>JSJ1TG, on second thought, have you ever seen Enid?
>>>*bdum-dum* Thank you folks, he's here all week.
>>That implies I won't be here next week.
>>JSJ1TG, you could only be so lucky...
>Well, if you're not, we have a spare Jeffrey Johnson. There's *always*
>a spare Jeffrey Johnson in the continuum somewhere.
In fact, the laws of physics require that a nearly infinite number of
us are created in Jeffrey Johnson/AntiJeffrey Johnson pairs in the
Continuum, which meet after an infitesimally small lifetime and annihilate
each other. If you could somehow harness the free humor in those
reactions, you could make the universe laugh!
JSJ1TG has to keep a safe distance from the Anti-Him.
Bill Livingston
>On 18 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>Previously on "Absolutely Fabulous", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>On 17 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>Previously on "In Living Color", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>On 16 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>Previously on "Everybody Loves Raymond", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the
>>>>>>>>>>>>>working title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Dumplings'...
>>>
>>>Icing a muffin that is all made of bran
>>
>>Cutting a lime pie, no meringue on it please for me.
>
>Eh?
Wha? I though you started over.
It works either way.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Mmmm! Chocolate 'scream!
>>>>>>>>>>>>The XTREEEEEEEEEM chocolate drink!!!! Chug a can today!
>>>>>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream makes you grow light artillery
>>>>>>>>>>>out of your forearms!
>>>>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make you immortal!
>>>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make women flock to you!
>>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will expand your bank account!
>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grow hair where you want it and
>>>>>>>remove it from where you don't - painlessly!
>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grant you an unlimited number of
>>>>>>wishes
>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will alter history so that *you*
>>>>>painted the most famous works of art the world has ever known! Mona
>>>>>Lisa? YOU! Starry Night? YOU! Irises? YOU, YOU, YOU!!!
>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will give you powers and abilities far
>>>>beyond those of mortal men!
>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will relieve constipation and bloating!
>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will cause you enemies to cower before
>>you!
>
>XTREEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will keep your personal computer from
>crashing, even if it's a Windows machine!
XTREEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream makes you popular at parties and heals all
wounds.
>>>>>>>>>Pointed at who?
>>>>>>>>That guy over there.
>>>>>>>The guy that looks like Tom Cruise in glasses and a red striped
>>>>>>>sweater?
>>>>>>No, the other one - the one in the funny hat with a "Chicken
>>>>>>Inspector" button on his vest.
>>>>>Actually, if you look closely it says 'Chick end inspector'...that's
>>>>>why he's goosing all the girls.
>>>>Yes, but is he FDA licensed?
>>>Yep, he's fully accredited by the Feelin' Derriere Association.
>>Well, okay. But only if he presents us with the test results.
>
>If you pay him $15 dollars, he'll let you borrow the license for and hour.
What?!? I never!! I'm shocked! Outraged! An hour and a half!
>>>>>>They'll stand for pretty much anything, except not paying your bill.
>>>>>That's right, AT&T wants your business so badly, we absolutely will
>>>>>not refuse to pay your bill!
>>>>Yes, but MCI will absolutely not refuse not to not pay nothing at all
>>>>on your bill, never!
>>>You're going to have to diagram that advertising pitch for me, Bill.
>>Okay, look. The large pyramid with the eye in it represents AT&T. The
>>Borg Cube with the smiley face on it is MCI. The mysterious silver ball
>>with the unknown language inscribed on it is Sprint. And the bulldog who
>>is piddling on them all is 10-10-345. Any questions?
>
>Yeah. Why do I care? I'm not switching to MCI unless they get me a pony!
So they wasted all that money on Michael Jordan and the Loony Tunes for
nothing?
>>>>>Well, I kinda was hoping that, well, I don't know if I should say
>>>>>this, but, well <blushes> well, I kinda think your sister's cute.
>>>>Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs home
>>>>sobbing*
>>>I wonder what got into her?
>>I think she got a pebble in her shoe.
>
>Girls. Always getting gravel stuck in their clothes.
Girls. Always getting clothes stuck around their gravel.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Ask Karen Carpenter. On second thought, ask Kate Moss.
>>>>>>>>>>>>Is Kate actually alive? I always considered her some sort of
>>>>>>>>>>>>semi-animate line drawing.
>>>>>>>>>>>Oh, like Garfield?
>>>>>>>>>>Yes, but less animated. And less likely to devour a lasagna.
>>>>>>>>>And not quite so orange on Sunday.
>>>>>>>>No, she actually turns green. Mossy green.
>>>>>>>I blame her animators.
>>>>>>I accuse her parents.
>>>>>I blame it on Rio.
>>>>I blame it on the drain, that was plugged and clogging.
>>>You Taco Loco!
>>Hey, it sure beats raising cattle.
>
>It also beats Taco Bell 3 to 1 in a National Taste Test.
No, wait, that was moldy shoe leather.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your ulnae.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Oh, you're always so humerus.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>I rib you any time I can, you know that.
>>>>>>>>>>>>Ooooh, I love it when you act all grim and sternum.
>>>>>>>>>>>You fibula-iar!
>>>>>>>>>>Well, there's not use carpaling about it.
>>>>>>>>>Poppycoccyx! I can stapes-ed at you if I want.
>>>>>>>>Just try not tibia sorehead about it.
>>>>>>>That's nothing! You should hear my patella story about the time a
>>>>>>>guy cut him off in traffic!
>>>>>>Mandible must've flown then!
>>>>>He was swearin' incus-sin'...well, you know what he says, he's never
>>>>>metacarpal he didn't hate.
>>>>I love it when he plays his clavicle.
>>>Oh, it's pure skullduggery.
>>You're just trying to flanges pun a bit more.
>
>Oh, you'll get pelvis scapula-tory, Bill!
Such an incisorous comment.
>>>>>JSJ1TG, on second thought, have you ever seen Enid?
>>>>*bdum-dum* Thank you folks, he's here all week.
>>>That implies I won't be here next week.
>>>JSJ1TG, you could only be so lucky...
>>Well, if you're not, we have a spare Jeffrey Johnson. There's *always*
>>a spare Jeffrey Johnson in the continuum somewhere.
>
>In fact, the laws of physics require that a nearly infinite number of
>us are created in Jeffrey Johnson/AntiJeffrey Johnson pairs in the
>Continuum, which meet after an infitesimally small lifetime and annihilate
>each other. If you could somehow harness the free humor in those
>reactions, you could make the universe laugh!
>JSJ1TG has to keep a safe distance from the Anti-Him.
Who is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson? Hey we could do a pitch on this and sell the
series to Fox.
Bill L.
They'll air anything
Jeffrey Johnson
>Previously on "Queen for a Day", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>On 18 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>Previously on "Absolutely Fabulous", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>On 17 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>Previously on "In Living Color", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>On 16 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>Previously on "Everybody Loves Raymond", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>working title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Dumplings'...
>>>>
>>>>Icing a muffin that is all made of bran
>>>
>>>Cutting a lime pie, no meringue on it please for me.
>>
>>Eh?
>
>Wha? I though you started over.
Well, that was supposed to be the line right before 'Scaramouche...'
Maybe I should have been explicit about that. but I just couldn't quite
parse these two lines together into the beginning of the song, for some
reason. Now that we're clear...
So true. 'Blows' was an unexpected word, but with great connotations. By
Marles Pikkens.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Mmmm! Chocolate 'scream!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>The XTREEEEEEEEEM chocolate drink!!!! Chug a can today!
>>>>>>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream makes you grow light artillery
>>>>>>>>>>>>out of your forearms!
>>>>>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make you immortal!
>>>>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will make women flock to you!
>>>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will expand your bank account!
>>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grow hair where you want it
>>>>>>>>and remove it from where you don't - painlessly!
>>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will grant you an unlimited number
>>>>>>>of wishes
>>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will alter history so that *you*
>>>>>>painted the most famous works of art the world has ever known!
>>>>>>Mona Lisa? YOU! Starry Night? YOU! Irises? YOU, YOU, YOU!!!
>>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will give you powers and abilities
>>>>>far beyond those of mortal men!
>>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will relieve constipation and
>>>>bloating!
>>>XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will cause you enemies to cower before
>>>you!
>>XTREEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will keep your personal computer from
>>crashing, even if it's a Windows machine!
>XTREEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream makes you popular at parties and heals all
>wounds.
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will buy your lunch!
>>>>>>>No, the other one - the one in the funny hat with a "Chicken
>>>>>>>Inspector" button on his vest.
>>>>>>Actually, if you look closely it says 'Chick end
>>>>>>inspector'...that's why he's goosing all the girls.
>>>>>Yes, but is he FDA licensed?
>>>>Yep, he's fully accredited by the Feelin' Derriere Association.
>>>Well, okay. But only if he presents us with the test results.
>>If you pay him $15 dollars, he'll let you borrow the license for and
>>hour.
>What?!? I never!! I'm shocked! Outraged! An hour and a half!
Two, and that's his final offer.
>>>>>>>They'll stand for pretty much anything, except not paying your
>>>>>>>bill.
>>>>>>That's right, AT&T wants your business so badly, we absolutely will
>>>>>>not refuse to pay your bill!
>>>>>Yes, but MCI will absolutely not refuse not to not pay nothing at
>>>>>all on your bill, never!
>>>>You're going to have to diagram that advertising pitch for me, Bill.
>>>Okay, look. The large pyramid with the eye in it represents AT&T.
>>>The Borg Cube with the smiley face on it is MCI. The mysterious silver
>>>ball with the unknown language inscribed on it is Sprint. And the
>>>bulldog who is piddling on them all is 10-10-345. Any questions?
>>Yeah. Why do I care? I'm not switching to MCI unless they get me a
>>pony!
>So they wasted all that money on Michael Jordan and the Loony Tunes for
>nothing?
<to Tweety Bird>
Yeah, there's a resemblance all right! A resemblance to CRAP!
>>>>>>Well, I kinda was hoping that, well, I don't know if I should say
>>>>>>this, but, well <blushes> well, I kinda think your sister's cute.
>>>>>Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs home
>>>>>sobbing*
>>>>I wonder what got into her?
>>>I think she got a pebble in her shoe.
>>Girls. Always getting gravel stuck in their clothes.
>Girls. Always getting clothes stuck around their gravel.
Girls. Always getting their nose stuck in their navel.
>>>>>>>>I blame her animators.
>>>>>>>I accuse her parents.
>>>>>>I blame it on Rio.
>>>>>I blame it on the drain, that was plugged and clogging.
>>>>You Taco Loco!
>>>Hey, it sure beats raising cattle.
>>It also beats Taco Bell 3 to 1 in a National Taste Test.
>No, wait, that was moldy shoe leather.
Erm, Bill? That's the dog's shoe.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>ulnae.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Oh, you're always so humerus.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I rib you any time I can, you know that.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Ooooh, I love it when you act all grim and sternum.
>>>>>>>>>>>>You fibula-iar!
>>>>>>>>>>>Well, there's not use carpaling about it.
>>>>>>>>>>Poppycoccyx! I can stapes-ed at you if I want.
>>>>>>>>>Just try not tibia sorehead about it.
>>>>>>>>That's nothing! You should hear my patella story about the time
>>>>>>>>a guy cut him off in traffic!
>>>>>>>Mandible must've flown then!
>>>>>>He was swearin' incus-sin'...well, you know what he says, he's
>>>>>>never metacarpal he didn't hate.
>>>>>I love it when he plays his clavicle.
>>>>Oh, it's pure skullduggery.
>>>You're just trying to flanges pun a bit more.
>>Oh, you'll get pelvis scapula-tory, Bill!
>Such an incisorous comment.
Ain't that the tooth.
>>>>>>JSJ1TG, on second thought, have you ever seen Enid?
>>>>>*bdum-dum* Thank you folks, he's here all week.
>>>>That implies I won't be here next week.
>>>>JSJ1TG, you could only be so lucky...
>>>Well, if you're not, we have a spare Jeffrey Johnson. There's
>>>*always* a spare Jeffrey Johnson in the continuum somewhere.
>>In fact, the laws of physics require that a nearly infinite number of
>>us are created in Jeffrey Johnson/AntiJeffrey Johnson pairs in the
>>Continuum, which meet after an infitesimally small lifetime and
>>annihilate each other. If you could somehow harness the free humor in
>>those reactions, you could make the universe laugh!
>>JSJ1TG has to keep a safe distance from the Anti-Him.
>Who is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson? Hey we could do a pitch on this and
>sell the series to Fox.
>They'll air anything
Oddly enough, Pitch the Devil is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson. And he plays
softball.
JSJ1TG, so we could pitch the slow-pitch Pitch.
Bill Livingston
>On 22 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>Previously on "Queen for a Day", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>On 18 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>Previously on "Absolutely Fabulous", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>On 17 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>Previously on "In Living Color", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>On 16 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>>Previously on "Everybody Loves Raymond", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>working title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Dumplings'...
>>>
>>
>>Wha? I though you started over.
>
>Well, that was supposed to be the line right before 'Scaramouche...'
>Maybe I should have been explicit about that. but I just couldn't quite
>parse these two lines together into the beginning of the song, for some
>reason. Now that we're clear...
Okay. You work your way up the song, and I'll work my way down (and I'll
reset the hash marks).
Is this some wild rice, or just basmati?
>Cutting a lime pie, no meringue on it please for me.
>Icing a muffin that is all made of bran
>Scaramouche, Scaramouche, can you make a flan dang good?
>Chowder bowls and light cream, cherry cherry frosting, me!
>Fresh Pirouges! (Fresh Pirouges!)
>Fresh Pirouges! (Fresh Pirouges!)
>Meringue served CO-O-O-O-O-O-OLD!
>
And Mutual of Omaha.
XTREEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream loves you.
>>>>>>>>No, the other one - the one in the funny hat with a "Chicken
>>>>>>>>Inspector" button on his vest.
>>>>>>>Actually, if you look closely it says 'Chick end
>>>>>>>inspector'...that's why he's goosing all the girls.
>>>>>>Yes, but is he FDA licensed?
>>>>>Yep, he's fully accredited by the Feelin' Derriere Association.
>>>>Well, okay. But only if he presents us with the test results.
>>>If you pay him $15 dollars, he'll let you borrow the license for and
>>>hour.
>>What?!? I never!! I'm shocked! Outraged! An hour and a half!
>
>Two, and that's his final offer.
All right, you bandit, two and a half! And I hope you're happy with it.
>>>>>>>>They'll stand for pretty much anything, except not paying your
>>>>>>>>bill.
>>>>>>>That's right, AT&T wants your business so badly, we absolutely will
>>>>>>>not refuse to pay your bill!
>>>>>>Yes, but MCI will absolutely not refuse not to not pay nothing at
>>>>>>all on your bill, never!
>>>>>You're going to have to diagram that advertising pitch for me, Bill.
>>>>Okay, look. The large pyramid with the eye in it represents AT&T.
>>>>The Borg Cube with the smiley face on it is MCI. The mysterious silver
>>>>ball with the unknown language inscribed on it is Sprint. And the
>>>>bulldog who is piddling on them all is 10-10-345. Any questions?
>>>Yeah. Why do I care? I'm not switching to MCI unless they get me a
>>>pony!
>>So they wasted all that money on Michael Jordan and the Loony Tunes for
>>nothing?
>
><to Tweety Bird>
>Yeah, there's a resemblance all right! A resemblance to CRAP!
I believe I can call - call another long ditance carrier!
>>>>>>>Well, I kinda was hoping that, well, I don't know if I should say
>>>>>>>this, but, well <blushes> well, I kinda think your sister's cute.
>>>>>>Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs home
>>>>>>sobbing*
>>>>>I wonder what got into her?
>>>>I think she got a pebble in her shoe.
>>>Girls. Always getting gravel stuck in their clothes.
>>Girls. Always getting clothes stuck around their gravel.
>
>Girls. Always getting their nose stuck in their navel.
Girls. Girls. Girls.
>>>>>>>>>I blame her animators.
>>>>>>>>I accuse her parents.
>>>>>>>I blame it on Rio.
>>>>>>I blame it on the drain, that was plugged and clogging.
>>>>>You Taco Loco!
>>>>Hey, it sure beats raising cattle.
>>>It also beats Taco Bell 3 to 1 in a National Taste Test.
>>No, wait, that was moldy shoe leather.
>
>Erm, Bill? That's the dog's shoe.
Dog's shoe?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, and you've never paid your outstanding bills!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>No, but you'll pay plenty for the right to keep your
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>ulnae.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Oh, you're always so humerus.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I rib you any time I can, you know that.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Ooooh, I love it when you act all grim and sternum.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>You fibula-iar!
>>>>>>>>>>>>Well, there's not use carpaling about it.
>>>>>>>>>>>Poppycoccyx! I can stapes-ed at you if I want.
>>>>>>>>>>Just try not tibia sorehead about it.
>>>>>>>>>That's nothing! You should hear my patella story about the time
>>>>>>>>>a guy cut him off in traffic!
>>>>>>>>Mandible must've flown then!
>>>>>>>He was swearin' incus-sin'...well, you know what he says, he's
>>>>>>>never metacarpal he didn't hate.
>>>>>>I love it when he plays his clavicle.
>>>>>Oh, it's pure skullduggery.
>>>>You're just trying to flanges pun a bit more.
>>>Oh, you'll get pelvis scapula-tory, Bill!
>>Such an incisorous comment.
>
>Ain't that the tooth.
Not, that's the tooth over there. This is just a fake tooth we made out of
flour and library paste.
>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, on second thought, have you ever seen Enid?
>>>>>>*bdum-dum* Thank you folks, he's here all week.
>>>>>That implies I won't be here next week.
>>>>>JSJ1TG, you could only be so lucky...
>>>>Well, if you're not, we have a spare Jeffrey Johnson. There's
>>>>*always* a spare Jeffrey Johnson in the continuum somewhere.
>>>In fact, the laws of physics require that a nearly infinite number of
>>>us are created in Jeffrey Johnson/AntiJeffrey Johnson pairs in the
>>>Continuum, which meet after an infitesimally small lifetime and
>>>annihilate each other. If you could somehow harness the free humor in
>>>those reactions, you could make the universe laugh!
>>>JSJ1TG has to keep a safe distance from the Anti-Him.
>>Who is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson? Hey we could do a pitch on this and
>>sell the series to Fox.
>>They'll air anything
>
>Oddly enough, Pitch the Devil is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson. And he plays
>softball.
>JSJ1TG, so we could pitch the slow-pitch Pitch.
Get the pitcher? (Yes, we see).
Bill L.
Leader of the pack
Jeffrey Johnson
>Previously on "Name That Tune", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>On 22 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>Previously on "Queen for a Day", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>On 18 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>Previously on "Absolutely Fabulous", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>working title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Dumplings'...
>>>>
>>>>Eh?
>>>
>>>Wha? I though you started over.
>>
>>Well, that was supposed to be the line right before 'Scaramouche...'
>>Maybe I should have been explicit about that. but I just couldn't quite
>>parse these two lines together into the beginning of the song, for some
>>reason. Now that we're clear...
>
>Okay. You work your way up the song, and I'll work my way down
Well, that one line was crying out to be completed upwards. I think down
is best, now.
>(and I'll reset the hash marks).
<Southern Belle>
Well, that was shor kind of you, Mister Bill! <bats eyes>
</Southern Belle>
>Is this some wild rice, or just basmati?
>>Cutting a lime pie, no meringue on it please for me.
Hoping the rye's not been ergotized to LSD...
That's right! When the dingoes take your baby, you'll be glad that you
have the Mutual Of Omaha standing behind you!
Don't make XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream come down there!
>>>>>>>>>No, the other one - the one in the funny hat with a "Chicken
>>>>>>>>>Inspector" button on his vest.
>>>>>>>>Actually, if you look closely it says 'Chick end
>>>>>>>>inspector'...that's why he's goosing all the girls.
>>>>>>>Yes, but is he FDA licensed?
>>>>>>Yep, he's fully accredited by the Feelin' Derriere Association.
>>>>>Well, okay. But only if he presents us with the test results.
>>>>If you pay him $15 dollars, he'll let you borrow the license for and
>>>>hour.
>>>What?!? I never!! I'm shocked! Outraged! An hour and a half!
>>Two, and that's his final offer.
>All right, you bandit, two and a half! And I hope you're happy with it.
I'm miserable. You're robbing him, even at three.
>>>>>>>>>They'll stand for pretty much anything, except not paying your
>>>>>>>>>bill.
>>>>>>>>That's right, AT&T wants your business so badly, we absolutely
>>>>>>>>will not refuse to pay your bill!
>>>>>>>Yes, but MCI will absolutely not refuse not to not pay nothing at
>>>>>>>all on your bill, never!
>>>>>>You're going to have to diagram that advertising pitch for me,
>>>>>>Bill.
>>>>>Okay, look. The large pyramid with the eye in it represents AT&T.
>>>>>The Borg Cube with the smiley face on it is MCI. The mysterious
>>>>>silver ball with the unknown language inscribed on it is Sprint. And
>>>>>the bulldog who is piddling on them all is 10-10-345. Any questions?
>>>>Yeah. Why do I care? I'm not switching to MCI unless they get me a
>>>>pony!
>>>So they wasted all that money on Michael Jordan and the Loony Tunes
>>>for nothing?
>><to Tweety Bird>
>>Yeah, there's a resemblance all right! A resemblance to CRAP!
>I believe I can call - call another long ditance carrier!
On the nation's first all optic nerve cellular/molecular neural network.
Oh, crap! Neuroscience is finally getting to me!
>>>>>>>>Well, I kinda was hoping that, well, I don't know if I should say
>>>>>>>>this, but, well <blushes> well, I kinda think your sister's cute.
>>>>>>>Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs
>>>>>>>home sobbing*
>>>>>>I wonder what got into her?
>>>>>I think she got a pebble in her shoe.
>>>>Girls. Always getting gravel stuck in their clothes.
>>>Girls. Always getting clothes stuck around their gravel.
>>Girls. Always getting their nose stuck in their navel.
>Girls. Girls. Girls.
I wonder if it would be plausible to pierce your nose *to* your navel?
>>>>>>>>>>I blame her animators.
>>>>>>>>>I accuse her parents.
>>>>>>>>I blame it on Rio.
>>>>>>>I blame it on the drain, that was plugged and clogging.
>>>>>>You Taco Loco!
>>>>>Hey, it sure beats raising cattle.
>>>>It also beats Taco Bell 3 to 1 in a National Taste Test.
>>>No, wait, that was moldy shoe leather.
>>Erm, Bill? That's the dog's shoe.
>Dog's shoe?
You know, the old smelly one he likes to chew on?
>>>Such an incisorous comment.
>>Ain't that the tooth.
>Not, that's the tooth over there. This is just a fake tooth we made out
>of flour and library paste.
**NEWSFLASH**
The ADA has put out an APB for a Mr. Bill Livingston, alerting its members
that Mr. Livingston has been "going around and having dentists drill for
cavities in homemade falsies". Ginger Vitus, president of the ADA
asserts: "No longer will we allow our precious dental appointments to be
taken up by this impostor. Do you know how complicated the billing
schedule is when you drill a tooth and it turns out to be false? You may
as well just pay the patient to leave." Mr. Livingston has reportedly
bilked hundreds of thousands of dollars out of dentists across the country
in what has been described by one federal investigator as "the weirdest
non-insurance-related insurance scam I've ever seen". One friend of
Mr. Livingston's who agreed to be interviewed on the condition of
confidentiality stated: "Look at this guy. I mean, he invents a
rock-hard, dirt-cheap tooth enamel substitute, and does he go and patent
it so that others can steal it away from him? No! He uses it to make a
fortune filching from dentists! Now *that* is the American Dream
<sniffle!>"
>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, on second thought, have you ever seen Enid?
>>>>>>>*bdum-dum* Thank you folks, he's here all week.
>>>>>>That implies I won't be here next week.
>>>>>>JSJ1TG, you could only be so lucky...
>>>>>Well, if you're not, we have a spare Jeffrey Johnson. There's
>>>>>*always* a spare Jeffrey Johnson in the continuum somewhere.
>>>>In fact, the laws of physics require that a nearly infinite number of
>>>>us are created in Jeffrey Johnson/AntiJeffrey Johnson pairs in the
>>>>Continuum, which meet after an infitesimally small lifetime and
>>>>annihilate each other. If you could somehow harness the free humor
>>>>in those reactions, you could make the universe laugh!
>>>>JSJ1TG has to keep a safe distance from the Anti-Him.
>>>Who is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson? Hey we could do a pitch on this and
>>>sell the series to Fox.
>>>They'll air anything
>>Oddly enough, Pitch the Devil is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson. And he
>>plays softball.
>>JSJ1TG, so we could pitch the slow-pitch Pitch.
>Get the pitcher? (Yes, we see).
Ewer right about that one!
JSJ1TG <groan>
---------------------------------------------------------------------
'The road there is long, and as the Mauritanians are apt to observe,
whenever the bus is late, "God is deaf, but the devil's blind; a
brain-built fan will blow your mind." This was a Number One Gold Hit
for Anne Murray when she sang it to the tune of "Black Dog." '
-Antaeus Feldspar, Dada.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Bill Livingston
>On 23 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>Previously on "Name That Tune", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>On 22 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>Previously on "Queen for a Day", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>On 18 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>Previously on "Absolutely Fabulous", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>working title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Dumplings'...
>>>>>
>>>>>Eh?
>>>>
>>>>Wha? I though you started over.
>>>
>>>Well, that was supposed to be the line right before 'Scaramouche...'
>>>Maybe I should have been explicit about that. but I just couldn't quite
>>>parse these two lines together into the beginning of the song, for some
>>>reason. Now that we're clear...
>>
>>Okay. You work your way up the song, and I'll work my way down
>
>Well, that one line was crying out to be completed upwards. I think down
>is best, now.
>
>>(and I'll reset the hash marks).
>
><Southern Belle>
>Well, that was shor kind of you, Mister Bill! <bats eyes>
></Southern Belle>
Shucks, tweren't nothin', Mizz Jeffrey.
>>Is this some wild rice, or just basmati?
>>>Cutting a lime pie, no meringue on it please for me.
>
>Hoping the rye's not been ergotized to LSD...
I'll have a Poor Boy, I need some salami.
While Jim is being tornto shreds by the feral pigs, I'll be back in the tent
with the native girls, mixing a pitcher of kiwi dacquiris.
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will turn this car around *right now*!!!
>>>>>>>>>>No, the other one - the one in the funny hat with a "Chicken
>>>>>>>>>>Inspector" button on his vest.
>>>>>>>>>Actually, if you look closely it says 'Chick end
>>>>>>>>>inspector'...that's why he's goosing all the girls.
>>>>>>>>Yes, but is he FDA licensed?
>>>>>>>Yep, he's fully accredited by the Feelin' Derriere Association.
>>>>>>Well, okay. But only if he presents us with the test results.
>>>>>If you pay him $15 dollars, he'll let you borrow the license for and
>>>>>hour.
>>>>What?!? I never!! I'm shocked! Outraged! An hour and a half!
>>>Two, and that's his final offer.
>>All right, you bandit, two and a half! And I hope you're happy with it.
>
>I'm miserable. You're robbing him, even at three.
Fine! Gouge my soul out! 3 and three quarter, and he should choke on it!
>>>>>>Okay, look. The large pyramid with the eye in it represents AT&T.
>>>>>>The Borg Cube with the smiley face on it is MCI. The mysterious
>>>>>>silver ball with the unknown language inscribed on it is Sprint. And
>>>>>>the bulldog who is piddling on them all is 10-10-345. Any questions?
>>>>>Yeah. Why do I care? I'm not switching to MCI unless they get me a
>>>>>pony!
>>>>So they wasted all that money on Michael Jordan and the Loony Tunes
>>>>for nothing?
>>><to Tweety Bird>
>>>Yeah, there's a resemblance all right! A resemblance to CRAP!
>>I believe I can call - call another long ditance carrier!
>
>On the nation's first all optic nerve cellular/molecular neural network.
>Oh, crap! Neuroscience is finally getting to me!
Weird Neuroscience! Starring Kelly LeBrock as Jeffrey Johnson!
>>>>>>>>>Well, I kinda was hoping that, well, I don't know if I should say
>>>>>>>>>this, but, well <blushes> well, I kinda think your sister's cute.
>>>>>>>>Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs
>>>>>>>>home sobbing*
>>>>>>>I wonder what got into her?
>>>>>>I think she got a pebble in her shoe.
>>>>>Girls. Always getting gravel stuck in their clothes.
>>>>Girls. Always getting clothes stuck around their gravel.
>>>Girls. Always getting their nose stuck in their navel.
>>Girls. Girls. Girls.
>
>I wonder if it would be plausible to pierce your nose *to* your navel?
Unlikely, since it would just unnecessarily complicate the act of sneezing.
>>>>>>>>>>>I blame her animators.
>>>>>>>>>>I accuse her parents.
>>>>>>>>>I blame it on Rio.
>>>>>>>>I blame it on the drain, that was plugged and clogging.
>>>>>>>You Taco Loco!
>>>>>>Hey, it sure beats raising cattle.
>>>>>It also beats Taco Bell 3 to 1 in a National Taste Test.
>>>>No, wait, that was moldy shoe leather.
>>>Erm, Bill? That's the dog's shoe.
>>Dog's shoe?
>
>You know, the old smelly one he likes to chew on?
Nonono, the dog doesn't chew on shoes. The dog prefers to tip over trash cans
and chew on used Kleenex. Then my wife wonders why I don't want the dog
licking my face.
>>>>Such an incisorous comment.
>>>Ain't that the tooth.
>>Not, that's the tooth over there. This is just a fake tooth we made out
>>of flour and library paste.
>
>**NEWSFLASH**
>The ADA has put out an APB for a Mr. Bill Livingston, alerting its members
>that Mr. Livingston has been "going around and having dentists drill for
>cavities in homemade falsies". Ginger Vitus, president of the ADA
>asserts: "No longer will we allow our precious dental appointments to be
>taken up by this impostor. Do you know how complicated the billing
>schedule is when you drill a tooth and it turns out to be false? You may
>as well just pay the patient to leave." Mr. Livingston has reportedly
>bilked hundreds of thousands of dollars out of dentists across the country
>in what has been described by one federal investigator as "the weirdest
>non-insurance-related insurance scam I've ever seen". One friend of
>Mr. Livingston's who agreed to be interviewed on the condition of
>confidentiality stated: "Look at this guy. I mean, he invents a
>rock-hard, dirt-cheap tooth enamel substitute, and does he go and patent
>it so that others can steal it away from him? No! He uses it to make a
>fortune filching from dentists! Now *that* is the American Dream
><sniffle!>"
From hiding, Mr. Livingston has issued the following statement. "First, it's
not like they need more money. Dentists own everything in this country - they
even financed James Cameron! Second, Ms Vitus has carefulyl omitted the fact
that several members of her organization have been using fake drills for
years! Finally, I thank my anonymous friends for his support, and I wish to
assure Mr. Fontenot that - oh, what a giveaway!"
>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, on second thought, have you ever seen Enid?
>>>>>>>>*bdum-dum* Thank you folks, he's here all week.
>>>>>>>That implies I won't be here next week.
>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, you could only be so lucky...
>>>>>>Well, if you're not, we have a spare Jeffrey Johnson. There's
>>>>>>*always* a spare Jeffrey Johnson in the continuum somewhere.
>>>>>In fact, the laws of physics require that a nearly infinite number of
>>>>>us are created in Jeffrey Johnson/AntiJeffrey Johnson pairs in the
>>>>>Continuum, which meet after an infitesimally small lifetime and
>>>>>annihilate each other. If you could somehow harness the free humor
>>>>>in those reactions, you could make the universe laugh!
>>>>>JSJ1TG has to keep a safe distance from the Anti-Him.
>>>>Who is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson? Hey we could do a pitch on this and
>>>>sell the series to Fox.
>>>>They'll air anything
>>>Oddly enough, Pitch the Devil is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson. And he
>>>plays softball.
>>>JSJ1TG, so we could pitch the slow-pitch Pitch.
>>Get the pitcher? (Yes, we see).
>
>Ewer right about that one!
>JSJ1TG <groan>
Ewer? Ewer? Ewer?
Bill L.
Ewer?
Jeffrey Johnson
>Previously on "Captain Video!", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>On 23 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>Previously on "Name That Tune", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>On 22 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>Previously on "Queen for a Day", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>On 18 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>Previously on "Absolutely Fabulous", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the
>>>>working title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
>>
>>
>><Southern Belle>
>>Well, that was shor kind of you, Mister Bill! <bats eyes>
>></Southern Belle>
>
>Shucks, tweren't nothin', Mizz Jeffrey.
That's Mizzuz Jeffrey to you.
>>>Is this some wild rice, or just basmati?
>>>>Cutting a lime pie, no meringue on it please for me.
>>Hoping the rye's not been ergotized to LSD...
>I'll have a Poor Boy, I need some salami.
Burger with cheese and fries, tomato, pickle slice, and a Coke
Well, as long as *something's* getting torn to shreds in there I won't
feel ripped off.
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream is going to count to three...
>>>>>>>>>>>No, the other one - the one in the funny hat with a "Chicken
>>>>>>>>>>>Inspector" button on his vest.
>>>>>>>>>>Actually, if you look closely it says 'Chick end
>>>>>>>>>>inspector'...that's why he's goosing all the girls.
>>>>>>>>>Yes, but is he FDA licensed?
>>>>>>>>Yep, he's fully accredited by the Feelin' Derriere Association.
>>>>>>>Well, okay. But only if he presents us with the test results.
>>>>>>If you pay him $15 dollars, he'll let you borrow the license for
>>>>>>an hour.
>>>>>What?!? I never!! I'm shocked! Outraged! An hour and a half!
>>>>Two, and that's his final offer.
>>>All right, you bandit, two and a half! And I hope you're happy with
>>>it.
>>I'm miserable. You're robbing him, even at three.
>Fine! Gouge my soul out! 3 and three quarter, and he should choke on
>it!
Look, if you're going to be that way, just take the damn thing and don't
come back! See if we care!
>>>>>>>Okay, look. The large pyramid with the eye in it represents AT&T.
>>>>>>>The Borg Cube with the smiley face on it is MCI. The mysterious
>>>>>>>silver ball with the unknown language inscribed on it is Sprint.
>>>>>>>And the bulldog who is piddling on them all is 10-10-345. Any
>>>>>>>questions?
>>>>>>Yeah. Why do I care? I'm not switching to MCI unless they get me
>>>>>>a pony!
>>>>>So they wasted all that money on Michael Jordan and the Loony Tunes
>>>>>for nothing?
>>>><to Tweety Bird>
>>>>Yeah, there's a resemblance all right! A resemblance to CRAP!
>>>I believe I can call - call another long ditance carrier!
>>On the nation's first all optic nerve cellular/molecular neural
>>network. Oh, crap! Neuroscience is finally getting to me!
>Weird Neuroscience! Starring Kelly LeBrock as Jeffrey Johnson!
<looks down>
Excuse me. I have to go lock myself in my bedroom for a few months.
Don't knock.
>>>>>>>>I wonder what got into her?
>>>>>>>I think she got a pebble in her shoe.
>>>>>>Girls. Always getting gravel stuck in their clothes.
>>>>>Girls. Always getting clothes stuck around their gravel.
>>>>Girls. Always getting their nose stuck in their navel.
>>>Girls. Girls. Girls.
>>I wonder if it would be plausible to pierce your nose *to* your navel?
>Unlikely, since it would just unnecessarily complicate the act of
>sneezing.
Might make getting a driver's license quite a task, too.
>>>>>>>>>>>>I blame her animators.
>>>>>>>>>>>I accuse her parents.
>>>>>>>>>>I blame it on Rio.
>>>>>>>>>I blame it on the drain, that was plugged and clogging.
>>>>>>>>You Taco Loco!
>>>>>>>Hey, it sure beats raising cattle.
>>>>>>It also beats Taco Bell 3 to 1 in a National Taste Test.
>>>>>No, wait, that was moldy shoe leather.
>>>>Erm, Bill? That's the dog's shoe.
>>>Dog's shoe?
>>You know, the old smelly one he likes to chew on?
>Nonono, the dog doesn't chew on shoes. The dog prefers to tip over trash
>cans and chew on used Kleenex. Then my wife wonders why I don't want
>the dog licking my face.
I wonder that myself. I mean, it would save you hundreds on your Kleenex
bill each month if you let the dog bypass the middle-man.
That's right! We'll be giving away Mr. Fontenot this Sunday in a raffle
at Menard's! No purchase necessary, must be present to win.
>>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, on second thought, have you ever seen Enid?
>>>>>>>>>*bdum-dum* Thank you folks, he's here all week.
>>>>>>>>That implies I won't be here next week.
>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, you could only be so lucky...
>>>>>>>Well, if you're not, we have a spare Jeffrey Johnson. There's
>>>>>>>*always* a spare Jeffrey Johnson in the continuum somewhere.
>>>>>>In fact, the laws of physics require that a nearly infinite number
>>>>>>of us are created in Jeffrey Johnson/AntiJeffrey Johnson pairs in
>>>>>>the Continuum, which meet after an infitesimally small lifetime and
>>>>>>annihilate each other. If you could somehow harness the free humor
>>>>>>in those reactions, you could make the universe laugh!
>>>>>>JSJ1TG has to keep a safe distance from the Anti-Him.
>>>>>Who is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson? Hey we could do a pitch on this
>>>>>and sell the series to Fox. They'll air anything
>>>>Oddly enough, Pitch the Devil is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson. And he
>>>>plays softball.
>>>>JSJ1TG, so we could pitch the slow-pitch Pitch.
>>>Get the pitcher? (Yes, we see).
>>Ewer right about that one!
>>JSJ1TG <groan>
>Ewer? Ewer? Ewer?
I think you still need to work on your b's and l's. Now repeat after me:
"BueLLer."
JSJ1TG, keep this up, and in a few years we'll be letting people win your
money.
Bill Livingston
>On 24 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>Previously on "Captain Video!", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>On 23 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>Previously on "Name That Tune", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>On 22 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>Previously on "Queen for a Day", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>On 18 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>>Previously on "Absolutely Fabulous", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the
>>>>>working title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
>>>
>>>>(and I'll reset the hash marks).
>>>
>>><Southern Belle>
>>>Well, that was shor kind of you, Mister Bill! <bats eyes>
>>></Southern Belle>
>>
>>Shucks, tweren't nothin', Mizz Jeffrey.
>
>That's Mizzuz Jeffrey to you.
Yes ma'am, indeedy it is!
>>>>Is this some wild rice, or just basmati?
>>>>>Cutting a lime pie, no meringue on it please for me.
>>>Hoping the rye's not been ergotized to LSD...
>>I'll have a Poor Boy, I need some salami.
>
>Burger with cheese and fries, tomato, pickle slice, and a Coke
Any way the wine flows, mutton chops in batter for me - for me.
Well, that's me all over.
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream will give you something to cry about!
>>>>>>>>>>>>No, the other one - the one in the funny hat with a "Chicken
>>>>>>>>>>>>Inspector" button on his vest.
>>>>>>>>>>>Actually, if you look closely it says 'Chick end
>>>>>>>>>>>inspector'...that's why he's goosing all the girls.
>>>>>>>>>>Yes, but is he FDA licensed?
>>>>>>>>>Yep, he's fully accredited by the Feelin' Derriere Association.
>>>>>>>>Well, okay. But only if he presents us with the test results.
>>>>>>>If you pay him $15 dollars, he'll let you borrow the license for
>>>>>>>an hour.
>>>>>>What?!? I never!! I'm shocked! Outraged! An hour and a half!
>>>>>Two, and that's his final offer.
>>>>All right, you bandit, two and a half! And I hope you're happy with
>>>>it.
>>>I'm miserable. You're robbing him, even at three.
>>Fine! Gouge my soul out! 3 and three quarter, and he should choke on
>>it!
>
>Look, if you're going to be that way, just take the damn thing and don't
>come back! See if we care!
Hah! He should live so long! Fine, then, I'll take the whole shop - that
should make him happy!
>>>>>>>>Okay, look. The large pyramid with the eye in it represents AT&T.
>>>>>>>>The Borg Cube with the smiley face on it is MCI. The mysterious
>>>>>>>>silver ball with the unknown language inscribed on it is Sprint.
>>>>>>>>And the bulldog who is piddling on them all is 10-10-345. Any
>>>>>>>>questions?
>>>>>>>Yeah. Why do I care? I'm not switching to MCI unless they get me
>>>>>>>a pony!
>>>>>>So they wasted all that money on Michael Jordan and the Loony Tunes
>>>>>>for nothing?
>>>>><to Tweety Bird>
>>>>>Yeah, there's a resemblance all right! A resemblance to CRAP!
>>>>I believe I can call - call another long ditance carrier!
>>>On the nation's first all optic nerve cellular/molecular neural
>>>network. Oh, crap! Neuroscience is finally getting to me!
>>Weird Neuroscience! Starring Kelly LeBrock as Jeffrey Johnson!
>
><looks down>
>Excuse me. I have to go lock myself in my bedroom for a few months.
>Don't knock.
[Bill barges in without knocking]
Hey, Jefffrey, you forgot to lock the door and I thought that OH MY DEAR
HEAVENS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?
>>>>>>>>>I wonder what got into her?
>>>>>>>>I think she got a pebble in her shoe.
>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting gravel stuck in their clothes.
>>>>>>Girls. Always getting clothes stuck around their gravel.
>>>>>Girls. Always getting their nose stuck in their navel.
>>>>Girls. Girls. Girls.
>>>I wonder if it would be plausible to pierce your nose *to* your navel?
>>Unlikely, since it would just unnecessarily complicate the act of
>>sneezing.
>
>Might make getting a driver's license quite a task, too.
And it would make pledging alliegience almost imposible.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>I blame her animators.
>>>>>>>>>>>>I accuse her parents.
>>>>>>>>>>>I blame it on Rio.
>>>>>>>>>>I blame it on the drain, that was plugged and clogging.
>>>>>>>>>You Taco Loco!
>>>>>>>>Hey, it sure beats raising cattle.
>>>>>>>It also beats Taco Bell 3 to 1 in a National Taste Test.
>>>>>>No, wait, that was moldy shoe leather.
>>>>>Erm, Bill? That's the dog's shoe.
>>>>Dog's shoe?
>>>You know, the old smelly one he likes to chew on?
>>Nonono, the dog doesn't chew on shoes. The dog prefers to tip over trash
>>cans and chew on used Kleenex. Then my wife wonders why I don't want
>>the dog licking my face.
>
>I wonder that myself. I mean, it would save you hundreds on your Kleenex
>bill each month if you let the dog bypass the middle-man.
Yes, but when I crumple the dog up and toss it into the wastecan, it causes
some consternation.
It's a Midnight Rambling of savings - at MENARDS!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, on second thought, have you ever seen Enid?
>>>>>>>>>>*bdum-dum* Thank you folks, he's here all week.
>>>>>>>>>That implies I won't be here next week.
>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, you could only be so lucky...
>>>>>>>>Well, if you're not, we have a spare Jeffrey Johnson. There's
>>>>>>>>*always* a spare Jeffrey Johnson in the continuum somewhere.
>>>>>>>In fact, the laws of physics require that a nearly infinite number
>>>>>>>of us are created in Jeffrey Johnson/AntiJeffrey Johnson pairs in
>>>>>>>the Continuum, which meet after an infitesimally small lifetime and
>>>>>>>annihilate each other. If you could somehow harness the free humor
>>>>>>>in those reactions, you could make the universe laugh!
>>>>>>>JSJ1TG has to keep a safe distance from the Anti-Him.
>>>>>>Who is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson? Hey we could do a pitch on this
>>>>>>and sell the series to Fox. They'll air anything
>>>>>Oddly enough, Pitch the Devil is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson. And he
>>>>>plays softball.
>>>>>JSJ1TG, so we could pitch the slow-pitch Pitch.
>>>>Get the pitcher? (Yes, we see).
>>>Ewer right about that one!
>>>JSJ1TG <groan>
>>Ewer? Ewer? Ewer?
>
>I think you still need to work on your b's and l's. Now repeat after me:
>"BueLLer."
Beulieau? Beulieau? Beulieau?
>JSJ1TG, keep this up, and in a few years we'll be letting people win your
>money.
Wow.
Bill L.
Getting the red out.
Jeffrey Johnson
>Previously on "Earth: Final Conflict", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>On 24 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>Previously on "Captain Video!", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>On 23 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>Previously on "Name That Tune", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>On 22 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the
>>>>>>working title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
>>>>
>>>>>(and I'll reset the hash marks).
>>>><Southern Belle>
>>>>Well, that was shor kind of you, Mister Bill! <bats eyes>
>>>></Southern Belle>
>>>Shucks, tweren't nothin', Mizz Jeffrey.
>>That's Mizzuz Jeffrey to you.
>Yes ma'am, indeedy it is!
Now go put on your little pants!
>>>>>Is this some wild rice, or just basmati?
>>>>>>Cutting a lime pie, no meringue on it please for me.
>>>>Hoping the rye's not been ergotized to LSD...
>>>I'll have a Poor Boy, I need some salami.
>>Burger with cheese and fries, tomato, pickle slice, and a Coke
>Any way the wine flows, mutton chops in batter for me - for me.
My Au Jus in the pan
Just some beef broth and some thyme, pinch of shallots, dash port wine
My Au Jus has just begun, and now I've got to simmer it all day!
My Auuuuu Ju-u-u-uuus! Keeps the French Dip from being dry
If I'm not back with fresh roast beef tomorrow
Curry on, curry on, with your mutton chops in batter
Well, I'm getting you all over my shoes. Could you clean up yourself
after yourself?
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream is watching you...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>No, the other one - the one in the funny hat with a "Chicken
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Inspector" button on his vest.
>>>>>>>>>>>>Actually, if you look closely it says 'Chick end
>>>>>>>>>>>>inspector'...that's why he's goosing all the girls.
>>>>>>>>>>>Yes, but is he FDA licensed?
>>>>>>>>>>Yep, he's fully accredited by the Feelin' Derriere Association.
>>>>>>>>>Well, okay. But only if he presents us with the test results.
>>>>>>>>If you pay him $15 dollars, he'll let you borrow the license for
>>>>>>>>an hour.
>>>>>>>What?!? I never!! I'm shocked! Outraged! An hour and a half!
>>>>>>Two, and that's his final offer.
>>>>>All right, you bandit, two and a half! And I hope you're happy with
>>>>>it.
>>>>I'm miserable. You're robbing him, even at three.
>>>Fine! Gouge my soul out! 3 and three quarter, and he should choke on
>>>it!
>>Look, if you're going to be that way, just take the damn thing and
>>don't come back! See if we care!
>Hah! He should live so long! Fine, then, I'll take the whole shop -
>that should make him happy!
Officer! Officer! That bad ass-pinching man over there is practicing
gender discrimination! And he says he's licensed!
>>>>>>>>>Okay, look. The large pyramid with the eye in it represents
>>>>>>>>>AT&T. The Borg Cube with the smiley face on it is MCI. The
>>>>>>>>>mysterious silver ball with the unknown language inscribed on it
>>>>>>>>>is Sprint. And the bulldog who is piddling on them all is
>>>>>>>>>10-10-345. Any questions?
>>>>>>>>Yeah. Why do I care? I'm not switching to MCI unless they get
>>>>>>>>me a pony!
>>>>>>>So they wasted all that money on Michael Jordan and the Loony
>>>>>>>Tunes for nothing?
>>>>>><to Tweety Bird>
>>>>>>Yeah, there's a resemblance all right! A resemblance to CRAP!
>>>>>I believe I can call - call another long ditance carrier!
>>>>On the nation's first all optic nerve cellular/molecular neural
>>>>network. Oh, crap! Neuroscience is finally getting to me!
>>>Weird Neuroscience! Starring Kelly LeBrock as Jeffrey Johnson!
>>
>><looks down>
>>Excuse me. I have to go lock myself in my bedroom for a few months.
>>Don't knock.
>
>[Bill barges in without knocking]
>
>Hey, Jefffrey, you forgot to lock the door and I thought that OH MY DEAR
>HEAVENS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?
What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying on make-up!
>>>>>>>>>>I wonder what got into her?
>>>>>>>>>I think she got a pebble in her shoe.
>>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting gravel stuck in their clothes.
>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting clothes stuck around their gravel.
>>>>>>Girls. Always getting their nose stuck in their navel.
>>>>>Girls. Girls. Girls.
>>>>I wonder if it would be plausible to pierce your nose *to* your
>>>>navel?
>>>Unlikely, since it would just unnecessarily complicate the act of
>>>sneezing.
>>Might make getting a driver's license quite a task, too.
>And it would make pledging alliegience almost imposible.
However, it would probably improve one's 'cannonball' technique. You
don't always hear about the benefits.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I blame her animators.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>I accuse her parents.
>>>>>>>>>>>>I blame it on Rio.
>>>>>>>>>>>I blame it on the drain, that was plugged and clogging.
>>>>>>>>>>You Taco Loco!
>>>>>>>>>Hey, it sure beats raising cattle.
>>>>>>>>It also beats Taco Bell 3 to 1 in a National Taste Test.
>>>>>>>No, wait, that was moldy shoe leather.
>>>>>>Erm, Bill? That's the dog's shoe.
>>>>>Dog's shoe?
>>>>You know, the old smelly one he likes to chew on?
>>>Nonono, the dog doesn't chew on shoes. The dog prefers to tip over
>>>trash cans and chew on used Kleenex. Then my wife wonders why I don't
>>>want the dog licking my face.
>>I wonder that myself. I mean, it would save you hundreds on your
>>Kleenex bill each month if you let the dog bypass the middle-man.
>Yes, but when I crumple the dog up and toss it into the wastecan, it
>causes some consternation.
On the part of the dog or on the part of Paula?
So...what the heckramsey is Menard's, anyway?
>>>>>>>Who is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson? Hey we could do a pitch on this
>>>>>>>and sell the series to Fox. They'll air anything
>>>>>>Oddly enough, Pitch the Devil is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson. And he
>>>>>>plays softball.
>>>>>>JSJ1TG, so we could pitch the slow-pitch Pitch.
>>>>>Get the pitcher? (Yes, we see).
>>>>Ewer right about that one!
>>>>JSJ1TG <groan>
>>>Ewer? Ewer? Ewer?
>>I think you still need to work on your b's and l's. Now repeat after
>>me: "BueLLer."
>
>Beulieau? Beulieau? Beulieau?
Beaulieu, you anagrammatic bastard!
>>JSJ1TG, keep this up, and in a few years we'll be letting people win
>>your money.
>
>Wow.
>
>Bill L.
>Getting the red out.
That's right, Bill McCarthy L., ladies and germs!
JSJ1TG, for my trick, I'd like to pull a rabbit out of my butt!
Bill Livingston
>On 24 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>Previously on "Earth: Final Conflict", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>On 24 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>Previously on "Captain Video!", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>On 23 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>Previously on "Name That Tune", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>On 22 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the
>>>>>>>working title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
>>>>>
>>>>>>(and I'll reset the hash marks).
>>>>><Southern Belle>
>>>>>Well, that was shor kind of you, Mister Bill! <bats eyes>
>>>>></Southern Belle>
>>>>Shucks, tweren't nothin', Mizz Jeffrey.
>>>That's Mizzuz Jeffrey to you.
>>Yes ma'am, indeedy it is!
>
>Now go put on your little pants!
Then I have to go burst in on a top-secret defense department meeting and
announce that Space Chief will save us.
>>>>>>Is this some wild rice, or just basmati?
>>>>>>>Cutting a lime pie, no meringue on it please for me.
>>>>>Hoping the rye's not been ergotized to LSD...
>>>>I'll have a Poor Boy, I need some salami.
>>>Burger with cheese and fries, tomato, pickle slice, and a Coke
>>Any way the wine flows, mutton chops in batter for me - for me.
>
>My Au Jus in the pan
>Just some beef broth and some thyme, pinch of shallots, dash port wine
>My Au Jus has just begun, and now I've got to simmer it all day!
>My Auuuuu Ju-u-u-uuus! Keeps the French Dip from being dry
>If I'm not back with fresh roast beef tomorrow
>Curry on, curry on, with your mutton chops in batter
I'll grate some cheddar cheese,
Make lasagna for my lunch, and for breakfast, Captain Crunch.
Go buy manicotti - I've out, you know.
Pasta salad's all the rage, and that's the truth
My Au Jus is better than when fried,
But I sometimes wish I'd cooked the matzah balls!
>>>>>>>Icing a muffin that is all made of bran
>>>>>>>Scaramouche, Scaramouche, can you make a flan dang good?
>>>>>>>Chowder bowls and light cream, cherry cherry frosting, me!
>>>>>>>Fresh Pirouges! (Fresh Pirouges!)
>>>>>>>Fresh Pirouges! (Fresh Pirouges!)
>>>>>>>Meringue served CO-O-O-O-O-O-OLD!
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>I'll grill a pork chop, the other white meat
>>>>>>>He'll grill a pork chop, cook the pork thoroughly
>>>>>>>Spare ribs and rice pilaf, minestrone!
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Greasy Chops, Greasy Spoon, will you make me cookie dough?
>>>>>>>Bisquick-ah, we won't make cookie dough!
>>>>>>>(COOKIE DOUGH!) Bisquick-ah, we won't make cookie dough!
>>>>>>>(COOKIE DOUGH!) Bisquick-ah, we won't make cookie dough!
>>>>>>>(COOKIE DOUGH!) Won't make cookie dough!
>>>>>>>(COOKIE DOUGH!) Won't make cookie dough!
>>>>>>>(COOKIE DOUGH!) No no no no no no!
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Cada dia, la tortilla, quesadilla don't you know?
>>>>>>>Blue Pla-a-a-ate has some mayo put aside for me, for me, for
>>>>>>>MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>So you think you can roast pig on the spit in fire?
>>>>>>>So you think you'll filet me and leave me to fry?
>>>>>>>Saute me! Egg me, flour me and lay me
>>>>>>>In a hot skillet, crank the flames and leave me to sear
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Mutton chops in batter, anyone can see.
>>>>>>>Mutton chops in batter...
>>>>>>>Mutton chops in batter - my meeeeal!
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Anyway, the wine blows...
I think we're ready for the big time.
>>>>>>>>>>Party on, Wayne!
>>>>>>>>>Party on, Garth! And that was supposed to say 'flows'...
>>>>>>>>It works either way.
>>>>>>>So true. 'Blows' was an unexpected word, but with great
>>>>>>>connotations. By Marles Pikkens.
>>>>>>And Mutual of Omaha.
>>>>>That's right! When the dingoes take your baby, you'll be glad that
>>>>>you have the Mutual Of Omaha standing behind you!
>>>>While Jim is being tornto shreds by the feral pigs, I'll be back in
>>>>the tent with the native girls, mixing a pitcher of kiwi dacquiris.
>>>Well, as long as *something's* getting torn to shreds in there I won't
>>>feel ripped off.
>>Well, that's me all over.
>
>Well, I'm getting you all over my shoes. Could you clean up yourself
>after yourself?
I'm not sure the Geneva convention allows that.
And as long as you're up get XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream another beer.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>No, the other one - the one in the funny hat with a "Chicken
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Inspector" button on his vest.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Actually, if you look closely it says 'Chick end
>>>>>>>>>>>>>inspector'...that's why he's goosing all the girls.
>>>>>>>>>>>>Yes, but is he FDA licensed?
>>>>>>>>>>>Yep, he's fully accredited by the Feelin' Derriere Association.
>>>>>>>>>>Well, okay. But only if he presents us with the test results.
>>>>>>>>>If you pay him $15 dollars, he'll let you borrow the license for
>>>>>>>>>an hour.
>>>>>>>>What?!? I never!! I'm shocked! Outraged! An hour and a half!
>>>>>>>Two, and that's his final offer.
>>>>>>All right, you bandit, two and a half! And I hope you're happy with
>>>>>>it.
>>>>>I'm miserable. You're robbing him, even at three.
>>>>Fine! Gouge my soul out! 3 and three quarter, and he should choke on
>>>>it!
>>>Look, if you're going to be that way, just take the damn thing and
>>>don't come back! See if we care!
>>Hah! He should live so long! Fine, then, I'll take the whole shop -
>>that should make him happy!
>
>Officer! Officer! That bad ass-pinching man over there is practicing
>gender discrimination! And he says he's licensed!
No no no, I'm *silenced*. As long as you don't make a fuss, it's all right.
>>>>>>>>>>Okay, look. The large pyramid with the eye in it represents
>>>>>>>>>>AT&T. The Borg Cube with the smiley face on it is MCI. The
>>>>>>>>>>mysterious silver ball with the unknown language inscribed on it
>>>>>>>>>>is Sprint. And the bulldog who is piddling on them all is
>>>>>>>>>>10-10-345. Any questions?
>>>>>>>>>Yeah. Why do I care? I'm not switching to MCI unless they get
>>>>>>>>>me a pony!
>>>>>>>>So they wasted all that money on Michael Jordan and the Loony
>>>>>>>>Tunes for nothing?
>>>>>>><to Tweety Bird>
>>>>>>>Yeah, there's a resemblance all right! A resemblance to CRAP!
>>>>>>I believe I can call - call another long ditance carrier!
>>>>>On the nation's first all optic nerve cellular/molecular neural
>>>>>network. Oh, crap! Neuroscience is finally getting to me!
>>>>Weird Neuroscience! Starring Kelly LeBrock as Jeffrey Johnson!
>>>
>>><looks down>
>>>Excuse me. I have to go lock myself in my bedroom for a few months.
>>>Don't knock.
>>
>>[Bill barges in without knocking]
>>
>>Hey, Jefffrey, you forgot to lock the door and I thought that OH MY DEAR
>>HEAVENS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?
>
>What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying on make-up!
I know, but peach eye shadow and fire-engine red lips?!? I mean - really!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>I wonder what got into her?
>>>>>>>>>>I think she got a pebble in her shoe.
>>>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting gravel stuck in their clothes.
>>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting clothes stuck around their gravel.
>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting their nose stuck in their navel.
>>>>>>Girls. Girls. Girls.
>>>>>I wonder if it would be plausible to pierce your nose *to* your
>>>>>navel?
>>>>Unlikely, since it would just unnecessarily complicate the act of
>>>>sneezing.
>>>Might make getting a driver's license quite a task, too.
>>And it would make pledging alliegience almost imposible.
>
>However, it would probably improve one's 'cannonball' technique. You
>don't always hear about the benefits.
True. Plus, it would be much easier to somersault.
>>>>>>>>>It also beats Taco Bell 3 to 1 in a National Taste Test.
>>>>>>>>No, wait, that was moldy shoe leather.
>>>>>>>Erm, Bill? That's the dog's shoe.
>>>>>>Dog's shoe?
>>>>>You know, the old smelly one he likes to chew on?
>>>>Nonono, the dog doesn't chew on shoes. The dog prefers to tip over
>>>>trash cans and chew on used Kleenex. Then my wife wonders why I don't
>>>>want the dog licking my face.
>>>I wonder that myself. I mean, it would save you hundreds on your
>>>Kleenex bill each month if you let the dog bypass the middle-man.
>>Yes, but when I crumple the dog up and toss it into the wastecan, it
>>causes some consternation.
>
>On the part of the dog or on the part of Paula?
Paula. The dog just looks at me funny, then resumes her usual routine of
eating, sleeping, pooping and barking at air molecules.
The opposite of Womenard's.
>>>>>>>>Who is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson? Hey we could do a pitch on this
>>>>>>>>and sell the series to Fox. They'll air anything
>>>>>>>Oddly enough, Pitch the Devil is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson. And he
>>>>>>>plays softball.
>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, so we could pitch the slow-pitch Pitch.
>>>>>>Get the pitcher? (Yes, we see).
>>>>>Ewer right about that one!
>>>>>JSJ1TG <groan>
>>>>Ewer? Ewer? Ewer?
>>>I think you still need to work on your b's and l's. Now repeat after
>>>me: "BueLLer."
>>
>>Beulieau? Beulieau? Beulieau?
>
>Beaulieu, you anagrammatic bastard!
Anagrammatic bastard? So Laurelyn and I are half-siblings?
>>>JSJ1TG, keep this up, and in a few years we'll be letting people win
>>>your money.
>>
>>Wow.
>>
>>Bill L.
>>Getting the red out.
>
>That's right, Bill McCarthy L., ladies and germs!
At long last, have I no decency?
>JSJ1TG, for my trick, I'd like to pull a rabbit out of my butt!
Aw, a cute little brown bunny!
Bill L.
It was a white rabbit when - uhm, excuse me *runs away quickly*
Jeffrey Johnson
>Previouslu on "Futurama", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>On 24 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>Previously on "Earth: Final Conflict", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>On 24 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>Previously on "Captain Video!", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>On 23 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>Previously on "Name That Tune", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>>On 22 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the
>>>>>>>>working title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>(and I'll reset the hash marks).
>>>>>><Southern Belle>
>>>>>>Well, that was shor kind of you, Mister Bill! <bats eyes>
>>>>>></Southern Belle>
>>>>>Shucks, tweren't nothin', Mizz Jeffrey.
>>>>That's Mizzuz Jeffrey to you.
>>>Yes ma'am, indeedy it is!
>>Now go put on your little pants!
>Then I have to go burst in on a top-secret defense department meeting
>and announce that Space Chief will save us.
Space Chief's a stumbling drunk!
...and my leaven will be a big leaven, and it will rise out the front
door? Eek.
>>>Well, that's me all over.
>>Well, I'm getting you all over my shoes. Could you clean up yourself
>>after yourself?
>I'm not sure the Geneva convention allows that.
Those bastards. They keep holding their darn convention in Switzerland,
and I can't get a Visa to go there.
Hey! That's EXTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream's peanut butter!
>>Officer! Officer! That bad ass-pinching man over there is practicing
>>gender discrimination! And he says he's licensed!
>No no no, I'm *silenced*. As long as you don't make a fuss, it's all
>right.
No, no, no! You're *iced lens*! Someone left the camera in the freezer
and now I don't think I want to take pictures with it anymore!
>>>>>>>I believe I can call - call another long ditance carrier!
>>>>>>On the nation's first all optic nerve cellular/molecular neural
>>>>>>network. Oh, crap! Neuroscience is finally getting to me!
>>>>>Weird Neuroscience! Starring Kelly LeBrock as Jeffrey Johnson!
>>>><looks down>
>>>>Excuse me. I have to go lock myself in my bedroom for a few months.
>>>>Don't knock.
>>>[Bill barges in without knocking]
>>>Hey, Jefffrey, you forgot to lock the door and I thought that OH MY
>>>DEAR HEAVENS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?
>>What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying on make-up!
>I know, but peach eye shadow and fire-engine red lips?!? I mean -
>really!!!
My gawd. I bet you're gonna totally flip out about the tattoo I got on my
butt too, aren't you?
>>>>>>>>>>>>I wonder what got into her?
>>>>>>>>>>>I think she got a pebble in her shoe.
>>>>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting gravel stuck in their clothes.
>>>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting clothes stuck around their gravel.
>>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting their nose stuck in their navel.
>>>>>>>Girls. Girls. Girls.
>>>>>>I wonder if it would be plausible to pierce your nose *to* your
>>>>>>navel?
>>>>>Unlikely, since it would just unnecessarily complicate the act of
>>>>>sneezing.
>>>>Might make getting a driver's license quite a task, too.
>>>And it would make pledging alliegience almost imposible.
>>However, it would probably improve one's 'cannonball' technique. You
>>don't always hear about the benefits.
>True. Plus, it would be much easier to somersault.
And, you could pick your nose and clean out your navel lint at the same
time, with the same hand, freeing up important time and resources for
other pursuits!
>>>>>>>>>>It also beats Taco Bell 3 to 1 in a National Taste Test.
>>>>>>>>>No, wait, that was moldy shoe leather.
>>>>>>>>Erm, Bill? That's the dog's shoe.
>>>>>>>Dog's shoe?
>>>>>>You know, the old smelly one he likes to chew on?
>>>>>Nonono, the dog doesn't chew on shoes. The dog prefers to tip over
>>>>>trash cans and chew on used Kleenex. Then my wife wonders why I
>>>>>don't want the dog licking my face.
>>>>I wonder that myself. I mean, it would save you hundreds on your
>>>>Kleenex bill each month if you let the dog bypass the middle-man.
>>>Yes, but when I crumple the dog up and toss it into the wastecan, it
>>>causes some consternation.
>>On the part of the dog or on the part of Paula?
>Paula. The dog just looks at me funny, then resumes her usual routine
>of eating, sleeping, pooping and barking at air molecules.
Well, clearly if the dog doesn't mind...
>>>>That's right! We'll be giving away Mr. Fontenot this Sunday in a
>>>>raffle at Menard's! No purchase necessary, must be present to win.
>>>It's a Midnight Rambling of savings - at MENARDS!!!
>>So...what the heckramsey is Menard's, anyway?
>The opposite of Womenard's.
Oh, so it's a sports bar?
>>>>>>>>>Who is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson? Hey we could do a pitch on
>>>>>>>>>this and sell the series to Fox. They'll air anything
>>>>>>>>Oddly enough, Pitch the Devil is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson. And
>>>>>>>>he plays softball.
>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, so we could pitch the slow-pitch Pitch.
>>>>>>>Get the pitcher? (Yes, we see).
>>>>>>Ewer right about that one!
>>>>>>JSJ1TG <groan>
>>>>>Ewer? Ewer? Ewer?
>>>>I think you still need to work on your b's and l's. Now repeat after
>>>>me: "BueLLer."
>>>Beulieau? Beulieau? Beulieau?
>>Beaulieu, you anagrammatic bastard!
>Anagrammatic bastard? So Laurelyn and I are half-siblings?
No, you're *fish gin balls*!
>>>>JSJ1TG, keep this up, and in a few years we'll be letting people win
>>>>your money.
>>>Wow.
>>>Bill L.
>>>Getting the red out.
>>That's right, Bill McCarthy L., ladies and germs!
>At long last, have I no decency?
You know, you can get clothes real cheap at the Salvation Army store
downtown.
JSJ1TG, not that we're tired of seeing you slough and bumble around nude,
or anything.
Bill Livingston
>On 25 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>Previouslu on "Futurama", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>On 24 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>Previously on "Earth: Final Conflict", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>On 24 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>Previously on "Captain Video!", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>On 23 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>>Previously on "Name That Tune", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>>>On 22 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>>>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the
>>>>>>>>>working title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
>>>>>>>>(and I'll reset the hash marks).
>>>>>>><Southern Belle>
>>>>>>>Well, that was shor kind of you, Mister Bill! <bats eyes>
>>>>>>></Southern Belle>
>>>>>>Shucks, tweren't nothin', Mizz Jeffrey.
>>>>>That's Mizzuz Jeffrey to you.
>>>>Yes ma'am, indeedy it is!
>>>Now go put on your little pants!
>>Then I have to go burst in on a top-secret defense department meeting
>>and announce that Space Chief will save us.
>
>Space Chief's a stumbling drunk!
Space Late!
(Does this qualify as a filk? Anyone?)
>>I think we're ready for the big time.
>
>....and my leaven will be a big leaven, and it will rise out the front
>door? Eek.
I've got some whey, I'm baking it! Gah!
>>>>Well, that's me all over.
>>>Well, I'm getting you all over my shoes. Could you clean up yourself
>>>after yourself?
>>I'm not sure the Geneva convention allows that.
>
>Those bastards. They keep holding their darn convention in Switzerland,
>and I can't get a Visa to go there.
But - but Visa's *everywhere* you want to be!
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream works its fingers to the bone, and this is the
thanks it gets?!?
>>>Officer! Officer! That bad ass-pinching man over there is practicing
>>>gender discrimination! And he says he's licensed!
>>No no no, I'm *silenced*. As long as you don't make a fuss, it's all
>>right.
>
>No, no, no! You're *iced lens*! Someone left the camera in the freezer
>and now I don't think I want to take pictures with it anymore!
MacArthur's Film is melting in the park.
>>>>>>>>I believe I can call - call another long ditance carrier!
>>>>>>>On the nation's first all optic nerve cellular/molecular neural
>>>>>>>network. Oh, crap! Neuroscience is finally getting to me!
>>>>>>Weird Neuroscience! Starring Kelly LeBrock as Jeffrey Johnson!
>>>>><looks down>
>>>>>Excuse me. I have to go lock myself in my bedroom for a few months.
>>>>>Don't knock.
>>>>[Bill barges in without knocking]
>>>>Hey, Jefffrey, you forgot to lock the door and I thought that OH MY
>>>>DEAR HEAVENS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?
>>>What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying on make-up!
>>I know, but peach eye shadow and fire-engine red lips?!? I mean -
>>really!!!
>
>My gawd. I bet you're gonna totally flip out about the tattoo I got on my
>butt too, aren't you?
*sugh* You didn't go with the N'Synch design, did you?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>I wonder what got into her?
>>>>>>>>>>>>I think she got a pebble in her shoe.
>>>>>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting gravel stuck in their clothes.
>>>>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting clothes stuck around their gravel.
>>>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting their nose stuck in their navel.
>>>>>>>>Girls. Girls. Girls.
>>>>>>>I wonder if it would be plausible to pierce your nose *to* your
>>>>>>>navel?
>>>>>>Unlikely, since it would just unnecessarily complicate the act of
>>>>>>sneezing.
>>>>>Might make getting a driver's license quite a task, too.
>>>>And it would make pledging alliegience almost imposible.
>>>However, it would probably improve one's 'cannonball' technique. You
>>>don't always hear about the benefits.
>>True. Plus, it would be much easier to somersault.
>
>And, you could pick your nose and clean out your navel lint at the same
>time, with the same hand, freeing up important time and resources for
>other pursuits!
Such as Squash! Numisatics! Even Chicken Puppetry!
>>>>>>>>>>>It also beats Taco Bell 3 to 1 in a National Taste Test.
>>>>>>>>>>No, wait, that was moldy shoe leather.
>>>>>>>>>Erm, Bill? That's the dog's shoe.
>>>>>>>>Dog's shoe?
>>>>>>>You know, the old smelly one he likes to chew on?
>>>>>>Nonono, the dog doesn't chew on shoes. The dog prefers to tip over
>>>>>>trash cans and chew on used Kleenex. Then my wife wonders why I
>>>>>>don't want the dog licking my face.
>>>>>I wonder that myself. I mean, it would save you hundreds on your
>>>>>Kleenex bill each month if you let the dog bypass the middle-man.
>>>>Yes, but when I crumple the dog up and toss it into the wastecan, it
>>>>causes some consternation.
>>>On the part of the dog or on the part of Paula?
>>Paula. The dog just looks at me funny, then resumes her usual routine
>>of eating, sleeping, pooping and barking at air molecules.
>
>Well, clearly if the dog doesn't mind...
Only when I won't acceed to its demands to be taken out 20 times an hour.
>>>>>That's right! We'll be giving away Mr. Fontenot this Sunday in a
>>>>>raffle at Menard's! No purchase necessary, must be present to win.
>>>>It's a Midnight Rambling of savings - at MENARDS!!!
>>>So...what the heckramsey is Menard's, anyway?
>>The opposite of Womenard's.
>
>Oh, so it's a sports bar?
Yes. Footballs, hockey pucks and lacrosse rackets spend all day there getting
bling stinking drunk.
>>>>>>>>>>Who is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson? Hey we could do a pitch on
>>>>>>>>>>this and sell the series to Fox. They'll air anything
>>>>>>>>>Oddly enough, Pitch the Devil is the Anti-Jeffrey Johnson. And
>>>>>>>>>he plays softball.
>>>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, so we could pitch the slow-pitch Pitch.
>>>>>>>>Get the pitcher? (Yes, we see).
>>>>>>>Ewer right about that one!
>>>>>>>JSJ1TG <groan>
>>>>>>Ewer? Ewer? Ewer?
>>>>>I think you still need to work on your b's and l's. Now repeat after
>>>>>me: "BueLLer."
>>>>Beulieau? Beulieau? Beulieau?
>>>Beaulieu, you anagrammatic bastard!
>>Anagrammatic bastard? So Laurelyn and I are half-siblings?
>
>No, you're *fish gin balls*!
I'm not sure that's legal - either in Virginia *or* Alabama!
>>>>>JSJ1TG, keep this up, and in a few years we'll be letting people win
>>>>>your money.
>>>>Wow.
>>>>Bill L.
>>>>Getting the red out.
>>>That's right, Bill McCarthy L., ladies and germs!
>>At long last, have I no decency?
>
>You know, you can get clothes real cheap at the Salvation Army store
>downtown.
Cheap?!? They're practically *giving* them away!
>JSJ1TG, not that we're tired of seeing you slough and bumble around nude,
>or anything.
Perish the thought.
Bill L.
I mean, what would the world be coming to?
Jeffrey Johnson
>Previously on "Love and War", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>On 25 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>Previouslu on "Futurama", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>On 24 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>Previously on "Earth: Final Conflict", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>On 24 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>Previously on "Captain Video!", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>>On 23 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
<minor cosmetic surgery>
>>>>>>>>>(and I'll reset the hash marks).
>>>>>>>><Southern Belle>
>>>>>>>>Well, that was shor kind of you, Mister Bill! <bats eyes>
>>>>>>>></Southern Belle>
>>>>>>>Shucks, tweren't nothin', Mizz Jeffrey.
>>>>>>That's Mizzuz Jeffrey to you.
>>>>>Yes ma'am, indeedy it is!
>>>>Now go put on your little pants!
>>>Then I have to go burst in on a top-secret defense department meeting
>>>and announce that Space Chief will save us.
>>Space Chief's a stumbling drunk!
>Space Late!
That's right! You'll never be on time again with your new Space Chief
alarm clock! Always going off at the wrong time, from Space Chief
Industries!
>I don't know anything about it...but I've heard that the
>working title for that one song was 'Bohemian Wrapped Dumplings'...
>
>Anyway, the wine flows...
>
>(Does this qualify as a filk? Anyone?)
I dunno. But as most people have probably long past killfiled this
monster of a thread (although it doesn't nearly reach the sheer enormity
of Re: Rachel and Rain are getting married!) we may have to repost it.
What exactly is filk, anyhoo?
>>>I think we're ready for the big time.
>>....and my leaven will be a big leaven, and it will rise out the front
>>door? Eek.
>I've got some whey, I'm baking it! Gah!
Completely untenable. What made us think that might be a good idea?
>>>>>Well, that's me all over.
>>>>Well, I'm getting you all over my shoes. Could you clean up yourself
>>>>after yourself?
>>>I'm not sure the Geneva convention allows that.
>>Those bastards. They keep holding their darn convention in
>>Switzerland, and I can't get a Visa to go there.
>But - but Visa's *everywhere* you want to be!
I'm not sure. I've only got a MasterCard in *my* pocket. Behave!
I knew XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream. XTREEEEEEEEEME Chocolate Scream
was a friend of mine. You, Sir, are no XTREEEEEEEEEME Chocolate Scream.
>>>>Officer! Officer! That bad ass-pinching man over there is
>>>>practicing gender discrimination! And he says he's licensed!
>>>No no no, I'm *silenced*. As long as you don't make a fuss, it's all
>>>right.
>>No, no, no! You're *iced lens*! Someone left the camera in the
>>freezer and now I don't think I want to take pictures with it anymore!
>MacArthur's Film is melting in the park.
Well, you'd better call the projectionist!
>>>>>>>>>I believe I can call - call another long ditance carrier!
>>>>>>>>On the nation's first all optic nerve cellular/molecular neural
>>>>>>>>network. Oh, crap! Neuroscience is finally getting to me!
>>>>>>>Weird Neuroscience! Starring Kelly LeBrock as Jeffrey Johnson!
>>>>>><looks down>
>>>>>>Excuse me. I have to go lock myself in my bedroom for a few
>>>>>>months. Don't knock.
>>>>>[Bill barges in without knocking]
>>>>>Hey, Jefffrey, you forgot to lock the door and I thought that OH MY
>>>>>DEAR HEAVENS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?
>>>>What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying on make-up!
>>>I know, but peach eye shadow and fire-engine red lips?!? I mean -
>>>really!!!
>>My gawd. I bet you're gonna totally flip out about the tattoo I got on
>>my butt too, aren't you?
>*sugh* You didn't go with the N'Synch design, did you?
Nope! Teletubbies!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I wonder what got into her?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>I think she got a pebble in her shoe.
>>>>>>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting gravel stuck in their clothes.
>>>>>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting clothes stuck around their gravel.
>>>>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting their nose stuck in their navel.
>>>>>>>>>Girls. Girls. Girls.
>>>>>>>>I wonder if it would be plausible to pierce your nose *to* your
>>>>>>>>navel?
>>>>>>>Unlikely, since it would just unnecessarily complicate the act of
>>>>>>>sneezing.
>>>>>>Might make getting a driver's license quite a task, too.
>>>>>And it would make pledging alliegience almost imposible.
>>>>However, it would probably improve one's 'cannonball' technique. You
>>>>don't always hear about the benefits.
>>>True. Plus, it would be much easier to somersault.
>>And, you could pick your nose and clean out your navel lint at the same
>>time, with the same hand, freeing up important time and resources for
>>other pursuits!
>Such as Squash! Numisatics! Even Chicken Puppetry!
Tae Kwon Do! Spaghetti Wrestling! Hydrodynamics!
>>>>>>>Nonono, the dog doesn't chew on shoes. The dog prefers to tip over
>>>>>>>trash cans and chew on used Kleenex. Then my wife wonders why I
>>>>>>>don't want the dog licking my face.
>>>>>>I wonder that myself. I mean, it would save you hundreds on your
>>>>>>Kleenex bill each month if you let the dog bypass the middle-man.
>>>>>Yes, but when I crumple the dog up and toss it into the wastecan, it
>>>>>causes some consternation.
>>>>On the part of the dog or on the part of Paula?
>>>Paula. The dog just looks at me funny, then resumes her usual routine
>>>of eating, sleeping, pooping and barking at air molecules.
>>Well, clearly if the dog doesn't mind...
>Only when I won't acceed to its demands to be taken out 20 times an
>hour.
Well, it *does* have a tiny bladder, poor thing!
>>>>>>That's right! We'll be giving away Mr. Fontenot this Sunday in a
>>>>>>raffle at Menard's! No purchase necessary, must be present to win.
>>>>>It's a Midnight Rambling of savings - at MENARDS!!!
>>>>So...what the heckramsey is Menard's, anyway?
>>>The opposite of Womenard's.
>>Oh, so it's a sports bar?
>Yes. Footballs, hockey pucks and lacrosse rackets spend all day there
>getting bling stinking drunk.
Oh! That place! I heard that when you come in, they take your car keys
and they won't give them back unless you can walk the Jim Keep Your
Balance Beam.
>>>>>>>Ewer? Ewer? Ewer?
>>>>>>I think you still need to work on your b's and l's. Now repeat
>>>>>>after me: "BueLLer."
>>>>>Beulieau? Beulieau? Beulieau?
>>>>Beaulieu, you anagrammatic bastard!
>>>Anagrammatic bastard? So Laurelyn and I are half-siblings?
>>No, you're *fish gin balls*!
>I'm not sure that's legal - either in Virginia *or* Alabama!
...sorry...Tennessee? <looking timidly for approval>
>>>>>>JSJ1TG, keep this up, and in a few years we'll be letting people
>>>>>>win your money.
>>>>>Wow.
>>>>>Bill L.
>>>>>Getting the red out.
>>>>That's right, Bill McCarthy L., ladies and germs!
>>>At long last, have I no decency?
>>You know, you can get clothes real cheap at the Salvation Army store
>>downtown.
>Cheap?!? They're practically *giving* them away!
It's like they're trying to make all charitable and stuff. Pah!
>>JSJ1TG, not that we're tired of seeing you slough and bumble around
>>nude, or anything.
>Perish the thought.
I can't.
JSJ1TG, believe me, I'm trying.
Bill Livingston
>On 28 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>Previously on "Love and War", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>On 25 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>Previouslu on "Futurama", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>On 24 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>Previously on "Earth: Final Conflict", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>On 24 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>>>>>>>>Previously on "Captain Video!", Jeffrey Johnson wrote:
>>>>>>>>>On 23 Jun 1999, Bill Livingston wrote:
>
><minor cosmetic surgery>
Aaaaaah! You've given me Jennifer Grey's old nose!
>>>>>>>>>>(and I'll reset the hash marks).
>>>>>>>>><Southern Belle>
>>>>>>>>>Well, that was shor kind of you, Mister Bill! <bats eyes>
>>>>>>>>></Southern Belle>
>>>>>>>>Shucks, tweren't nothin', Mizz Jeffrey.
>>>>>>>That's Mizzuz Jeffrey to you.
>>>>>>Yes ma'am, indeedy it is!
>>>>>Now go put on your little pants!
>>>>Then I have to go burst in on a top-secret defense department meeting
>>>>and announce that Space Chief will save us.
>>>Space Chief's a stumbling drunk!
>>Space Late!
>
>That's right! You'll never be on time again with your new Space Chief
>alarm clock! Always going off at the wrong time, from Space Chief
>Industries!
Hitler Building destroyed separately.
Filk is kind of like a cross between a sci-fi con and Weird Al Yankovic.
That's as close as I can come.
C'mon, someone else must be browsing this thread besides us! Sheryl? Tom
Smith? Someone?!? IS ANYBODY OUT THERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?
>>>>I think we're ready for the big time.
>>>....and my leaven will be a big leaven, and it will rise out the front
>>>door? Eek.
>>I've got some whey, I'm baking it! Gah!
>
>Completely untenable. What made us think that might be a good idea?
Temporary insanity, I suppose.
>>>>>>Well, that's me all over.
>>>>>Well, I'm getting you all over my shoes. Could you clean up yourself
>>>>>after yourself?
>>>>I'm not sure the Geneva convention allows that.
>>>Those bastards. They keep holding their darn convention in
>>>Switzerland, and I can't get a Visa to go there.
>>But - but Visa's *everywhere* you want to be!
>
>I'm not sure. I've only got a MasterCard in *my* pocket. Behave!
Mastercard - Mastering Jeffrey's possibilities.
XTREEEEEEEEEM Chocolate Scream nevr inhaled.
>>>>>Officer! Officer! That bad ass-pinching man over there is
>>>>>practicing gender discrimination! And he says he's licensed!
>>>>No no no, I'm *silenced*. As long as you don't make a fuss, it's all
>>>>right.
>>>No, no, no! You're *iced lens*! Someone left the camera in the
>>>freezer and now I don't think I want to take pictures with it anymore!
>>MacArthur's Film is melting in the park.
>
>Well, you'd better call the projectionist!
I did. All he'd sya is something about Lembach staying.
>>>>>>>>>>I believe I can call - call another long ditance carrier!
>>>>>>>>>On the nation's first all optic nerve cellular/molecular neural
>>>>>>>>>network. Oh, crap! Neuroscience is finally getting to me!
>>>>>>>>Weird Neuroscience! Starring Kelly LeBrock as Jeffrey Johnson!
>>>>>>><looks down>
>>>>>>>Excuse me. I have to go lock myself in my bedroom for a few
>>>>>>>months. Don't knock.
>>>>>>[Bill barges in without knocking]
>>>>>>Hey, Jefffrey, you forgot to lock the door and I thought that OH MY
>>>>>>DEAR HEAVENS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?
>>>>>What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying on make-up!
>>>>I know, but peach eye shadow and fire-engine red lips?!? I mean -
>>>>really!!!
>>>My gawd. I bet you're gonna totally flip out about the tattoo I got on
>>>my butt too, aren't you?
>>*sugh* You didn't go with the N'Synch design, did you?
>
>Nope! Teletubbies!
Look! Here comes Jerry Fallwell to give you a spanking!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I wonder what got into her?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I think she got a pebble in her shoe.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting gravel stuck in their clothes.
>>>>>>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting clothes stuck around their gravel.
>>>>>>>>>>>Girls. Always getting their nose stuck in their navel.
>>>>>>>>>>Girls. Girls. Girls.
>>>>>>>>>I wonder if it would be plausible to pierce your nose *to* your
>>>>>>>>>navel?
>>>>>>>>Unlikely, since it would just unnecessarily complicate the act of
>>>>>>>>sneezing.
>>>>>>>Might make getting a driver's license quite a task, too.
>>>>>>And it would make pledging alliegience almost imposible.
>>>>>However, it would probably improve one's 'cannonball' technique. You
>>>>>don't always hear about the benefits.
>>>>True. Plus, it would be much easier to somersault.
>>>And, you could pick your nose and clean out your navel lint at the same
>>>time, with the same hand, freeing up important time and resources for
>>>other pursuits!
>>Such as Squash! Numisatics! Even Chicken Puppetry!
>
>Tae Kwon Do! Spaghetti Wrestling! Hydrodynamics!
It could be all that - and *more*.
>>>>>>>>Nonono, the dog doesn't chew on shoes. The dog prefers to tip over
>>>>>>>>trash cans and chew on used Kleenex. Then my wife wonders why I
>>>>>>>>don't want the dog licking my face.
>>>>>>>I wonder that myself. I mean, it would save you hundreds on your
>>>>>>>Kleenex bill each month if you let the dog bypass the middle-man.
>>>>>>Yes, but when I crumple the dog up and toss it into the wastecan, it
>>>>>>causes some consternation.
>>>>>On the part of the dog or on the part of Paula?
>>>>Paula. The dog just looks at me funny, then resumes her usual routine
>>>>of eating, sleeping, pooping and barking at air molecules.
>>>Well, clearly if the dog doesn't mind...
>>Only when I won't acceed to its demands to be taken out 20 times an
>>hour.
>
>Well, it *does* have a tiny bladder, poor thing!
It consumes a small bowl of water and produces a gallon of doggie whiz! If I
could harness this, I could somehow make a fortune.
>>>>>>>>Ewer? Ewer? Ewer?
>>>>>>>I think you still need to work on your b's and l's. Now repeat
>>>>>>>after me: "BueLLer."
>>>>>>Beulieau? Beulieau? Beulieau?
>>>>>Beaulieu, you anagrammatic bastard!
>>>>Anagrammatic bastard? So Laurelyn and I are half-siblings?
>>>No, you're *fish gin balls*!
>>I'm not sure that's legal - either in Virginia *or* Alabama!
>
>....sorry...Tennessee? <looking timidly for approval>
Well, since Tennessee borders us both, it's a fair chance.
>>>>>>>JSJ1TG, keep this up, and in a few years we'll be letting people
>>>>>>>win your money.
>>>>>>Wow.
>>>>>>Bill L.
>>>>>>Getting the red out.
>>>>>That's right, Bill McCarthy L., ladies and germs!
>>>>At long last, have I no decency?
>>>You know, you can get clothes real cheap at the Salvation Army store
>>>downtown.
>>Cheap?!? They're practically *giving* them away!
>
>It's like they're trying to make all charitable and stuff. Pah!
Humbug!
>>>JSJ1TG, not that we're tired of seeing you slough and bumble around
>>>nude, or anything.
>>Perish the thought.
>
>I can't.
>JSJ1TG, believe me, I'm trying.
Did it look like - THIS?!?!?
Bill L.
Slough, bumble
Nate Brasher
Yankovic. That's >as close as I can come.
>C'mon, someone else must be browsing >this thread besides us! Sheryl?
Tom >Smith? Someone?!? IS ANYBODY OUT >THERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Filk is an elf that lives in your pants. He does temp work for Keebler
and Santa during the busy season, and writes songs during his spare
time.
Nate's Kilts-a-poppin': Providing for all your tartan needs. We're in
the yellow pages under "It isn't a friggin' skirt!" A MSTie, and damn
proud of it! "Drink the blood of the virgin!" Crow T. Robot, 1998