CROW: You alright, Jim?
JIM: No, but thanks for asking.
>Make sure you print this article out RIGHT NOW! Also, try to keep a list
>of everyone that
SERVO: Has wronged you in one way or another, then e-mail this to them a
thousand times each!
>sends you money and always keep an eye on the
>newsgroups to make sure everyone is playing fairly. Remember, HONESTY IS
>THE BEST POLICY.
JIM: Bill Clinton listening?
>You don't need to cheat the basic idea to make the
>money!! GOOD LUCK to all and please play fairly and reap
CORW: all the good women who you meet at the grocery checkout line on a Friday
night.
JIM: Crow, that's not "rape", it's "reap".
CROW: And...?
JIM: Forget it.
>the huge rewards
>from this, which is tons of extra CASH.
SERVO: This guy keeps mis-spelling "crap".
>
>Please remember to declare your extra income. Thanks once again...
>
>NSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN
>NSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN
JIM: A *very* non-standard MiSTing?
>
>LEGAL ? ? ?
SERVO: No, ice cream sodas should not be legal.
>(Comments from Bob Novak who started this new version.)
>"People have asked me if this is really legal. Well, it is! You are
>using the Internet to advertise your business. What is that business?
CROW: The business of MAIL LIST MAINTANING! How thrilling!
>You
>are assembling a mailing list of people who are interested in home based
>computer and online business and methods of generating income at home.
>Remember, people send you a small fee to be added to your mailing
>list. It is legal. what will you do with your list of thousands of
>names?
SERVO: I'm gonna go to Disneyworld!
>That's up to you."
>
>So, build your mailing list, keep good accounts, declare the income and
>pay your taxes.
JIM: Oh, he's a senator.
>By doing this you prove your business intentions. Keep
>an eye on the newsgroups and when the cash has stopped coming (that means
>your name is no longer on the list), you just take the latest posting at
>the newsgroups, send another $6.00 to the names stated on the list, make
>your corrections (put your name at #6) and start posting again.
CROW: Soon the newsgroups will start being overun with the exact same post!
>
>==========================================================================
>
>==========================================================================
JIM: The world's most simplistic equation.
>
>NOTES:
>*1. In some countries, the export of the country's exchange is illegal.
JIM: So don't mail to other countries, gotcha.
>But you can get the license to do this from the post office, explaining
>the above statements (that you have an online business, etc. You may have
>to pay an extra tax, but that's OK, the amount of the incoming money is
>HUGE! And as I said, a few countries have that restriction.
>
>*2. You may want to buy mailing and e-mail lists for future dollars. (Or
>Database or Spreadsheet software.)
SERVO: Aren't mailing lists a non-profit organization?
>
>*3. If you're really not sure or still think this can't be for real,
>please print a copy of this article and pass it along to someone who
CROW: Doesn't give a flying fagenbong.
JIM: Huh?
CROW: You don't want me to say f-
JIM: [yells over Crow saying the word]
CROW: -do you?
JIM: No, I didn't.
>really needs the money, and see what happens
>
>*4. You will start getting responses within 1-2 weeks, it depends.
>________________________________________________________________________
>
SERVO: Yes! The spam's dead!
CROW: __________/\ ______/\ ___
\/ \/
SERVO: D'oh!
JIM: How...?
CROW: Don't ask.
>***ALSO REMEMBER***
>
>SEND YOUR $1 OUT TO EVERYONE ON THE LIST,
>EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT FROM THE U.S.
JIM: Shoot. That means I have to go to the stupid post office and stupid get
the stupid forms
and stupid fill them stupid out.
>
>
>WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???
>$$$!!!$$$!!!$$$!!!$$$!!!$$$!!!$$$!!!$$$!!!$$$!!!$$$!!!$$
SERVO: Repetitive attractive swear word.
>
>
>xxxxxxx
SERVO: ooooooo
CROW: I love you, too!
JIM: yech!
>
>
>xxxxxxx
> GOOD LUCK!!!
JIM: It's over!
>
>
>---
>
CROW: Finaly!
SERVO: Let's beat feet!
JIM: Hey, is this water I'm stepping in?
CROW: It's all over the floor!
SERVO: Let's get out of here!
[All slosh out of the theater]
[the water rises slowly as the doorway sequence happens]
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL int.] Jim anf the 'Bots are shin-deep in water.
JIM[as Leonardo DiCaprio]: Oh, shit it's cold! Oh, shit!
CROW: Jim, you're *too* good at that role!
JIM: Sorry.
SERVO: Jim! We have problems!
[the water is now up to the counter. The box controlls begin to float.]
-mads sign-
JIM: Help us, Mrs. Forrester!
[Castle Forrester]
PEARL: I don't think so, Jimmy boy! Hahahahaha!
BOBO[in the background, playing with the Observer-In-A-Box]: Hey, Lawgiver!
What does this do?
Oop!
[Observer recorded sound]
PEARL: Bobo! What are you doing?
[SOL ext.] The Submarine pops out of the water.
[space] The Satelite of Love, fully restored to normal, pops back into it's
orbit around the
Earth.
[SOL int.] The 'Bots are screaming, Jim is confused as ever and the water is
gone.
CROW: I don't wanna die, I--hey!
SERVO: Thanks Bobo!
JIM: Yeah!
[Castle Forrester]
PEARL: Bobo! What did you do that for?
[Pearl snaches OIAB and hits Bobo on the head with it, breaking it.]
PEARL: Oh, now look what you made me do! You broke the Observer-In-A-Box!
BOBO: I'm sorry, Lawgiver. Ow...
PEARL: Now what am I going to do?
[Observer pops in]
OBSERVER: Hey, Pearl. How is everything?
PEARL: Brain Guy, it's so good to see you! [hugs Observer]
OBSERVER: I figured I'd come back here since my parents didn't want me to stay
with them.
BOBO: Welcome home, Brain Guy!
OBSERVER[mumbling]: Will they ever call me "Observer"?
[abrupt fade to black]
PEARL: The hell...?
OBSERVER: The writer couldn't think of an apropriate ending.
[love theme]
written by: Jim Whaley
co-written by: Steven Whaley
featuring:
Jim Whaley: James A. Whaley
Crow: Bill Corbett
Tom Servo: Kevin Murphy
Gypsy: Patrick Brantseg
Magic Voice: Beez McKeever
also featuring:
Pearl Forrester: Mary Jo Pehl
Observer: Bill Corbett
Professor Bobo: Kevin Murphy
All MST3K characters and situations are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only;
no infringement on the original
copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be
inferred.
No insults are intended to anyone refered to in this MiSTing
Please don't take any of the Mail List Maintaning jokes personaly, MKN.
MST3K created by: Joel Hodgson
special thanks to:
Best Brains, Inc.
All you people who love to laugh
e-mail tj...@aol.com for comments, etc.
c1998 by Jim Whaley
[stinger]
>Although I found many things amusing such as Sonic characters
>represented as fruit .
This has been a Mystery Usenet Theater 3000 production
-----------------
other episodes of Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000:
101: The Cartoons Combined
102: Off-Road Brawl
103: The Odyssey
104: The New Season
201: Total Turbulence
202: The Ultimate Celebrity Deathmatch
203: Are You Ready to Get $40,000 in 6 Weeks with Only 8 Bucks???!!
All can be found easily on Web Site Number Nine!
Jim, that Mistie
"This is where the fish lives."
"I *KNOW*!"
"I'm cahmeeng!"
"There has to be a more substantial explanation than the whammy." -Agent Dana
Scully