>Lost in the Mushroom Kingdom
>By Skeleton Jon
>I walked through the door of Ranga’s home with my mom,
TOM(protagonist): Mom, I’d like you to meet my D&D club.
MIKE: Hey, we don’t even know what the protagonist’s like yet, give
him a chance.
CROW: Fat chance, this is a self-insertion fanfic. Giving this guy a
chance is like giving Coleman Francis funding to make a movie.
>I had been told to meet Shadow there, but when I arrived there was
no one there
MIKE: So we turned around and went home. The End.
>“Hello?” I called, “is anybody home?
TOM(narrator):It was then I knew the truth. This house was home to a
family of alien supremacist serial killers!!
MIKE,CROW: (stares of confusion)
>“Surprise!” they all screamed as they shoved me back through the door
CROW(Protagonist): Aaah! My spine! Who the hell was it that planned
that surprise!?!
MIKE , TOM(people at the door): Hahahaha!!
CROW(protagonist): Seriously!! I think I might be paralyzed from the
waist down!!
MIKE, TOM (people at the door): Hahahaha!!
>“Whoa!” I screamed as we fell through the dimensional vortex,
CROW (protagonist): Then we landed in a world where all the self
insertion characters roamed free!! Free, in the lands of their
choice!!
ALL: AUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH!!
>as we fell our outfits changed
TOM: Thanks to the power of dimensional vortex magic!!
>, I now wore a pair of black overalls with a gold shirt underneath, my >shoes were the same, I >had on a hat with my pentagram symbol on it and >my chocker was transformed into a medallion
MIKE(protagonist): Then I realized that I could now fix leaky pipes…ON
THE STREETS OF GETTO NEW YORK!!
TOM ( TV announcer): This fall on FOX! Two bad careers collide into
one GANGSTA PLUMBER!!
> Shadow wore her normal clothes but she had a white lab coat on,
CROW: Hold on, wait a minute, Shadow the Hedgehog’s a girl?? Maybe
this story isn’t what we thought it would be after all…
MIKE: Unless Shadow got a sex change operation earlier, and later on,
she/he ends up falling in love with the main character.
TOM: I’m just going to stand over here in the corner and cry,
Nelson.
>Ranga wore a black and purple variation of my overalls.
TOM: Ranga turned into Waluigi!!
>I didn’t see any of the other costumes as we broke into the world at
that moment.
CROW(protagonist): And we were promptly arrested for breaking and
entering. The End!
>I found myself flying through the deep recesses of space,
CROW(Author): Fanfic, Warp 5!!
>strange planets darted past me as I flew, suddenly a huge airship
appeared and blasted us with >a ray of black energy,
(All cheer)
ALL: 2,4,6,8! Who do we appreciate!! YAYY…AIRSHIP!!
>I had the sensation of falling and my world went black…
TOM(Thug): Have you ever had one of those dreams where you’re fallin’,
kid? Except in this one, you’re not gonna wake up!
>I awoke lying on a grassy planet, surrounded by flowers; I noticed a castle on a hill ahead
>“Maybe I can find out where I am over there!” I said as I ran towards the castle, I ran up the >stairs and on the top of the stairs was a beautiful woman with blonde hair and blue eyes, she >wore a cosmic blue dress
MIKE(protagonist): Damn, the one day that I come, she’s wearing
clothes.
>“Hello, ive been expecting you” she said when I reached her
CROW(Lady): I’ve carried you for 9 months. Now, actually show some
signs of effort in English class!
“>Hi” I said “I’m Jonathan, but you can call me Twilight if you like!”
(silence, then loud sobbing)
TOM: Our protagonist finally gets a name after several lines, and his
nickname is based on the STUPIDEST BOOK EVER!!! ARRRGGGGGH!!!
MIKE: Calm down, Tom. Look, we can call him Jonathan if that’s okay
with you.
>I blushed; I wasn’t used to being in the presence of royalty, or someone so beautiful for that >matter.
CROW(Jon): A second later, I fell flat on my face and started babbling
out what appeared to be gibberish. When my friends picked me up off of
the ground, I noticed that she was gone. Then, a whole bunch of cool
kids came by and shoved us nerds into our own lockers.
(MIKE glares at CROW)
CROW: Too familiar, Mike?
>“Pleasure to meet you Twilight” she replied “my name is Rosalina”
TOM(while still sniffling,Rosalina): Do you know Edward Cullen?
(TOM bursts into sobs, MIKE pats him.)
>“Rosalina, can you tell me where I am? Or where my friends are?”
CROW(Rosalina): Jonathan, I’m sorry, but your friends…are all
imaginary!!
TOM(Jon):NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
>“You are in the mushroom kingdom, and I’m sorry to tell you but your
>friends have been lost in space”
(all cheer)
TOM: There goes practically every character!! Hooray!!
MIKE: Guys, we barely even know the characters yet!!
CROW: Even though we barely know them, I’m pretty sure that they’re
painfully annoying.
>“What do you mean? Lost in space”
CROW(Rosalina): Well, they’re probably stardust right now…So yeah, I
think that they’re still lost.
>“When I found you here you were in the same state as her” she indicated behind her, what >appeared to be a statue of Ranga stood in the center of the platform, I walked to it
TOM(Jon): And then, for some unknown reason, I kneeled at the base of
the statue and prayed.
>“Ranga, what happened to her?” I gasped
MIKE(Rosalina): She turned herself into stone to escape this fanfic.
>“She has been tropyphicated”
>“What does that mean?”
>“That is what happens in this world when someone is completely and
utterly defeated”
CROW(Rosalina): In your world, this is called suicide.
>“So how do you turn them back?”
>“Like this” she leaned down and touched the base of Ranga’s trophy,
there was a flash of <golden energy and she was restored to normal
TOM: Hey, if Ranga can turn back to normal after being turned into
stone that easily, why didn’t the other characters do the same for
Palom and Porom in Final Fantasy 4?
CROW: Probably because Ranga’s an original character.
>“Where am I?” she asked
>“Long story” Rosalina and I replied
CROW(Ranga): How did we get here?
MIKE,TOM(others): Long story.
CROW(Ranga): How can we breathe in space without any spacesuits?
MIKE,TOM(others): LONG STORY!!
>“So what do we do now?” I asked as Ranga got to her feet and walked over
TOM(Jon): The edge of the cliff. The End!
>“There are more of you friends nearby” Rosalina said “you must go and rescue them”
MIKE(Rosalina,mobster): And youse better rescue them real good, or
else you be sleeping wit da fishes!
>“How the hell do we do that?” Ranga asked as she looked up at the princess
>Two small star creatures known as a luma appeared and floated towards us
(ALL start humming the Numa Numa song, only they replace Numa Numa
with Luma Luma)
>“The luma will help you” she said with a smile “now go!”
>The luma suddenly disappeared under our caps, we both spun and a strange energy surrounded >our fists
CROW(Jon): We could finally turn Super Sayian!
>“Cool! We can star spin!” I cheered
>A launch star appeared and the two of us jumped into it and were blasted off to a small >planetoid with a black hole in the center
TOM(Jon): Which, upon arriving, we both fell into. The End!
>“Probably a bad idea to fall in that thing” I said as I looked down into the vortex
CROW: Look! It’s a bird! No, It’s a plane! It’s Captain Obvious!!
>A meteor crashed next to me “holy crap!”
MIKE(God): Damn it! I missed!
>I screamed as I fell backwards and into the black hole
MIKE(God): Oh well, guess it wasn’t that bad.
>“Oh perfect” Ranga sighed, “now I have to save him too”
CROW: Now, she has to jump into the black hole too? This story just
gets better and better!
>Seconds later the vortex spat out my trophy, Ranga ran over to it and touched the base, I was >restored and we ran to the launch star on the end of the planet
CROW: Darn it, they’re alive and well!!
>The next planet was spherical with crystal spikes jutting out from it
TOM(Jon): Which we were impaled on when..
(MIKE shushes him)
MIKE: Tom, that’s way more than enough death jokes for one MSTing.
>; at the top was an energy dome that contained the tropyphicated form of Shadow
>“We’ve got to save her!” I said as we were swarmed by Goombas
TOM(Jon): Hey Goombas! I’m here to kick ass and chew bubble gum and
I’m…well I’m all out of ass, but I do have plenty of bubble gum!
CROW(Ranga):(Facepalm)
>We began to blast them with a combination of ice and light,
TOM: Ice and light what? Elephants? Baseball Bats?
> they were decimated within a matter of seconds, the dome surrounding the trophy shattered >and we ran forward to rescue her
>“This beginning is so much like the game it isn’t funny” Ranga laughed as she restored Shadow
TOM(Ranga): Hahahha!! I laugh at things that aren’t funny. Hahahhaha!!
>“Come on, there’s something inside this planet” Shadow called as she dove into a warp pipe
CROW: CRASH! AAAAAAH!! MY HEAD!!
>The inside of the planet was hollow and in the center of the planet stood two more trophies, my >mother and victor,
TOM(Jon): Not many people know this, but my mother was once a Roman
gladiator. She fought lions everyday down at the Coliseum. Unbeknownst
to her, I trained to become a great gladiator too. But, I still could
not beat my own mother.
MIKE: Guys, that’s enough stories, okay? You’re going to confuse the
audience (quickly) I mean the Forrester Trio.
>we ran over to them and unfroze them, a strange energy surrounded us
and we began to levitate >in midair, we shot up
ALL: WOOOOOOOO!! Heroin!!!
and out of the planet and through the cosmos
CROW: All those perfume ads were really starting to get to us.
>“Where are we going?” I asked as we flew
>“No idea” mom replied as she flew beside me
CROW(Mom): Why did you even put me in this story, dear?
>We landed on a platform that was part of the comet observatory, Rosalina’s home in the stars.
>She appeared before us and said “congratulations, you made it back!”
MIKE(Rosalina): Quick, cancel the funeral service!
>“How did we make it back here?” I said as I looked around
TOM(Rosalina): You fell through a plot hole.
>“I used the beacon to pull you back” she explained, “The luma are searching the galaxies in an >attempt to find your friends”
>We all sat and looked out at the stars; though no one said it we all knew this was the start of a >grand adventure
TOM: Yes a grand adventure…OF SCIENCE!!
>Authors Note:
>Ranga Tales and all related characters and stories belong to Manga Ranga
CHAPTER 2
>Ted awoke lying on a sandy beach, seagulls called as they circled lazily above.
TOM(Seagull): Hey, Vinnie! Helen wants to know about Poker Night on
Thursday!!
>“Where am I?” he asked himself, “and where are Ranga and the others?” he saw a short man in >blue overalls and a red shirt, he wore a red cap with an M on it.
MIKE: Ted then realized that he must have entered the world of Mickey
Mouse!
>“Hello” said the plumber, “are you new around here?”
>“Where exactly is here?” Ted wondered,
TOM: You’re in the Village of the Damned, Ted.
>“Sorry, where are my manners!” laughed the plumber, “I’m Mario and you’re on isle Delfino!
CROW(Mario, bad Italian accent ): I could Delfino this-a isle in a
sentence-a for you-a!
>Ted looked around at the colorful flowers, happy citizens, and chirping birds, they all scared the >hell out of him.
MIKE(sarcastic): Yes, because happy, peaceful places are very scary.
>“RANGA!” he screamed to the sky.
CROW(Mario, same accent): Hey-a Ted-a, you do a very bad impression-a
of a telephone-a!
>Meanwhile Ranga was skating through the freeze-flame galaxy and she noticed a figure frozen >in an icy pillar.
TOM ( overly sarcastic): Ohh Nooo!! I thought the figure was frozen in
a FIREY pillar! Silly me.
>“It can’t be” she gasped, “but it is, Luigi!”
CROW: Since did Luigi join their team?
MIKE: Probably when we were being introduced to Ted.
>The green clad plumber was frozen in a look of shock; Ranga performed a star spin and freed >the plumber.
“Are you okay Luigi?” Ranga asked, “How did you end up here?”
>“I’m not sure,” he said, “one minute I’m on the comet observatory the next I’m frozen solid in >this place!”
MIKE(Luigi):I’ve got to stop randomly teleporting everywhere I go.
>“I think I have an idea who did this” Ranga looked skyward, wait, she’s looking at me!
TOM(God): Damn, I have spinach stuck in my teeth! Why did this have to
happen now!
>What do you want Ranga
CROW(God): A date with me this Saturday, perhaps?
>“I know it was you, you left to narrate the story again and made it so I would find Luigi”
MIKE(God): Actually I made it so that you would come talk to me.
Pretty clever,huh?
>I did not!
>“Did too”
TOM: YES, JUST GO AHEAD AND POINTLESSLY ARGUE; WE DON’T HAVE TO BE
ADVANCING THE PAPER THIN PLOT!!! ARRRRGGGGHHH!!
(TOM’s head explodes)
MIKE: Oh crap, not this again!!
>“Who are you talking to?” Luigi asked,
>“Someone who should be helping us here instead of narrating!”
CROW: Hey, it’s that new game “Who the hell just said that.” By
Parker Bros.
>That’s it; you’re going to get it for breaking the fourth wall!
>“Hit us with your best shot!”
CROW: o/ Fire Aw-aa-y o/
>Fine, have it your way,
>Suddenly Ranga and Luigi were hit with the most excruciating cases of brain freeze they had >ever had in their entire lives, it felt like someone had poured liquid nitrogen into their skulls
(ALL cheer)
MIKE: Go, God, go!
TOM(who magically has his head back to normal): Three cheers for the
narrator!!
>“AAUGH!” Luigi screamed,
>“Alright we give, we give!” Ranga cried
>Do you Promise not to break the fourth wall?
TOM(God): And do you, Ranga, take me to be your lawfully wedded
husband?
>“Yes, we promise!” they both screamed,
TOM(God): This has been the happiest day of my life!
>Good, on with the story
>They both woke up, the cold had made them fall asleep, and their brain freeze had just been a >dream.
CROW: But, unfortunately, this fanfic isn’t a dream.
>“Let’s get out of here!” Luigi suggested,
TOM: Captain Obvious to the rescue!!
>“Good idea” Ranga replied, the two sprinted off to find Papa’s tropyphicated form, when they >found him
MIKE: What, no actionless action sequence?
>, they flew back to the observatory with Papa in tow.
TOM: Papa must’ve parked in one of those “Tow after 5” spots again.
>Author's Note,
>Just a quick disclaimer to say that i don't own Ranga Tales or any related characters, they all >belong to Manga Ranga.
[EXIT THEATER, DOOR SEQUENCE]
[SATTLITE OF LOVE]
(MIKE and the BOTS are just standing around, looking bored and not
saying anything. After about a minute of this, they look around)
TOM: Why aren’t we saying nor doing anything?
MIKE: I think I know why, guys.
(A voice then echoes though the satellite, it is that of the MSTer,
MST3kluv)
MST3kluv: Sorry about that guys, I’ve never wrote a host segment
before and I don’t know what to do!
CROW: So, you just wrote us just sitting there? That’s about as funny
as a children’s hospital on fire.
MST3kluv: Hey, don’t insult me! I am TOO funny!!
CROW: Am not!
MST3kluv: Am too!
(This continues for a long, long time.)
MST3kluv: Well, fine! If you’re going to be that way, then I’ll make
it Commercial Sign right NOW!!
MST3kluv(cheery): We’ll be right back.
(commercials)