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MiSTing The Cartoons Combined pt.2

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Tjats

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Mar 12, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/12/98
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disclaimer:
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is a registered trademark of Best Brains, Inc. I
don't mean to infringe on a copywright or anything, I just want to make people
laugh.
------------------------

Mike and the bots are on the SOL's bridge. Servo is dressed in a batman face
mask, and a carpet draped around his body. Mike is dressed up as Jugerot.
Crow isn't wearing anything at all.

MIKE: Okay, Servo, what's the plan?
SERVO: Mike, you are the villian from today's story. All you have to do is
walk around and growl. Crow and I will come in and kick your scrawny butt, and
by that time, the intermission will be over.
MIKE: Uh, okay...

The bots scamper off camera to the right.

MIKE(deadpan): Grrr. I am the evil Jugerot. Beware me.

Servo and Crow make a dramatic entrance.

SERVO(superheroish): Ta-da! Jugerot, your powers are nothing! I am the
mighty MAT MAN!!!!!!! Watch out, or I will hang you on a line out in the yard
and beat you untill you are clean!
CROW: And I am Unerachiever Man! I have the amazing power of doing nothing
important at all!
MIKE(villanish): Where is your costume?
CROW: I'm too lazy to make my own costume!
SERVO: We will beat you, I am sure! Charge!!

Servo runs toward mike and his springy arms attempt powerfull punches, all the
while Servo makes grunting noises with each hit he tries. Crow leaves during
this and comes back reading a magazine.

MIKE: You are a weak little human! You can do nothing to hurt me!
SERVO: Uh, Underachiever Man, a little help?
CROW: Allas! I wish I could, but my powers prevent me from using even a small
ounce of my strength!

Mike pushes Servo away. We hear a crash.

MIKE: I am victorious!

movie lights flash

ALL: AAAHHH! We've got story sign!

6...5...4...3...2...1...

Mike, Servo(still in their costumes) and Crow enter the theater.

>At the pizza parlor,

MIKE: They make pizzas.

>Orange was eating a pizza untill Underachiever Man fell through the roof and
landed on his pizza!

SERVO: So Underachiever Man had a pizza, too?
MIKE: That's the way the story reads.

>"Yo, dude!" said Orange.

CROW: Got any crack?
MIKE: Crow!

>"What are you doing here?"
>You know how my landings are," said Underachiever Man.

SERVO: They're always underachieved.

>Meanwhile, at the jewelry store, Jugerot was making a big commotion.

CROW: It must be that sale Windy was talking about.

>The store manager yelled, "STOP THAT THIEF!"
>Then Matman and Bluejay showed up on Matman's flying carpet.

ALL(singing): A whole new world!
MIKE: Okay, guys. Let's stop doing that.

>"What are you doing here?" asked Jugerot.
>"Stopping you," answered Bluejay.

MIKE: Stupid question.

>"Give us those diamonds," said Matman.
>"Do you think I would make it that easy?" said Jugerot.
>"No," said Matman, "I was just checking."

CROW(as Matman): Answer stupid question, check. Say something stupid, check.
Check, check.

>Suddenly, Underachiever Man crashed through the window with Orange on his
back.

SERVO(as Blue): Hey, Man, would you give me a piggyback next?
MIKE(as Red): No! Me!
CROW(as Purple): Me! I'm next!

>Then Orange said,

CROW: Give me your crack. I paid the ten grand!
MIKE: CROW!

>"You're no match for us, dude!"

MIKE: 'Cuz we perfer lighters!

>"Oh, Yeah?" said Jugerot. A few seconds later, Magnet-O and Aknuckalips (two
criminals) crashed through the roof.

SERVO: Things are that bad that they have tocall upon more cheesy X-Men
villians?
MIKE: I think Apocalyse was Superman's villian.
CROW: Who can tell anymore?

>"We have you now," said Magnet-O.
>Then the rest of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Hampsters

MIKE: Were left unatended with their cage door open, and they all scurried
away.

>and the X-Ray Men ran through the door.
>"Correction," said Yclopse.

SERVO: This guy should invest in some more synonyms for the word 'said'.

>"We have you!"
>Magnet-O was about to start magnetizing the X-Ray Men when Sen, Rimpy and
>Barkfield crashed through the door.

CROW: I thought the X-Ray Men already chrashed through the door!
MIKE(as Barkfield): Hi. We hear there's a sale somewhere around here...

>"All of you stop destroying my store!" said the store manager. "Or I'll call
the police and they'll arrest all of you!"

ALL(chanting): Do it! Do it! Do it!

>"Can't you do that right now?" asked Dogarine.

ALL(chanting): Yes! Yes! Yes!

>"OK," said the store manager.

ALL: THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
(woo-hoo's and yay's are shouted)

>"I have an idea. Listen," said Blue. "Whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper,
whisper. ot it?"

CROW(as another team member): So we all should whisper? Is that right?

>Then Dogarine yelled to Magnet-O,

CROW: Give me that crack you owe me, or I'll pee on your lawn!
MIKE: CROW! I've had just about enough of you! Get out!
CROW: But-
MIKE: GO!
CROW: Okay.
Crow whimpers out of the theater.

>"Na na na na naaa na!"

SERVO: How do we read that?
MIKE: I don't know.

>Then Magnet-O got angry and shot his magnetism out at Dogarine.
>Quickly, Dogarine stood behind Aknuckalips. Then Magnet-O said, "Uh, oh,"
>because Aknuckalips was comming right towards him!

MIKE: Why?

>Bang!

SERVO(anouncer voice): And they're off! Snoopy is out to a fast start
followed by Silver Bullet and Bluegrass Boogie, and Daddy's Big Boy is bringing
up the rear!

>Aknuckalips' suit was too much metal to push off Magnet-O, so they fell to the
>ground. Then Jugerot said, "You'll never catch me!"

MIKE(America's Funniest People voice): As fast as fast can be! hahahahaha!

>"On the contrary," said Windy. "We've already got you."

SERVO(as another superhero): Then why is he running out the door?
MIKE(as Windy, Homer Simpson voice): D'oh!

>"Huh?" said Jugerot. Then Monsterous tore off Jugerot's helmet.
>"Look at this," said Gamble. Then he threw his cards on the table.
>"A royal flush! That beats any hand hou may have!"

MIKE: So all of a sudden they're playing a poker game?!?

>"Wow!" said Jugerot. "How did you do that?"
>"Easy," said Gamble.

MIKE: I just payed the writer a couple of bucks to put that part in!
SERVO: So, when will "Mr. Hooper" call the cops?

>"Like this," Gamble took out one of his cards and threw it at Jugerot.
Jugerot fell to the floor. The stolen jewelry, money and plane ticket to Miami
fell out of his pockets.

MIKE: Well, it's nice to know that it survived the whole ordeal.

>Then the police arived. The police said, "Good work, guys! But we don't
>have anything to repay you with."

SERVO: All the police men said that?
MIKE: That's the way it sounds.

>"Well, you don't really need to give us anything," said Blue.
>"Except the ticket to Miami," said Purple.
>"I'll send you all to Miami," said the store manager. "Just get out of my
store!"

MIKE(movie preview anouncer): Mr. Hooper's back. And this time, he's ticked.

>"But who's going to pay for the damage?" said Feast.
>"Just take it out of Magnet-O's account," said Trudy.
>"Good idea!" said Yclopse.

SREVO: Wait a minute. What did they do in this story?
MIKE: I don't know.

>"By the way," said Barkfield. "Do they have lasagna in Miami?"
>Then Sen said, "All you do is eat, eat, eat, man!"

MIKE(as Sen): And all I got in this stupid story was ONE LINE, man!

>THE END

SERVO: Finaly!

Mike and Servo leave the theater.

1...2...3...4...5...6...

Mike, Servo, and Gypsy are on the bridge.

MIKE: Wow, what a story!
SERVO: Yeah! It really hurt! With all those repeated words, like "then", and
"said".
GYPSY: Say, where's Crow?
MIKE: Hey, you're right! Where did he go?
SERVO: You shoed him out of the theater, Mike.
MIKE: I know! After that!

Red light blinks

GYPSY: Hey! Someone's calling!

Crow is tied to a pole inside Pearl's Volkswagon. Pearl, BJ and Bobo are
pointing guns, swords, and oozies at him. Crow is crying in agony.

CROW: Please let me go! I didn't do nothin' I swear!
PEARL: Okay, spill it, goldey-locks! why did you leave the theater without my
permission?
CROW: I was making naughty jokes, and Mike kicked me out! I swear it's the
truth!
OBSERVER(to Nelson): Mike! We found this treacherous traitor lurking around
outside your satelite, so we caught him and tied him up! Obviously he is part
of a team of evil robots who were going to sail across the icy Dellaware Milky
Way in the cold of January and take us completely by surprise!

MIKE: Uh... look, Observer... I actualy kicked him out because he was making
really naughty drug jokes, and...

OBSERVER: You mean, he ISN'T really here to stage a revolt?

MIKE: No, of course not!

OBSERVER: Oh...well..um...boy, do I look foolish.

observer unties Crow with his mind and Crow is set free.

CROW(sarcasticaly): Oh, well, thanks a lot!

Crow jumps on observer, and Pearl and Bobo try to pry him off.

CROW: HERE! YOU WANT SOME OF THIS? HUH? C'MERE, YOU BIG STUPID DOLT! YOU
WANT A PIECE OF ME? HUH? COMERE!

(love theme)

written by Jim Whaley
story by Steven Whaley
all characters are a trademark of Best Brains, Inc.
created by Joel Hodgson

coments?
e-mail Tj...@aol.com

1998

Zorak89574

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Mar 20, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/20/98
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>
>>Orange was eating a pizza untill Underachiever Man fell through the roof and
>landed on his pizza!
>
>SERVO: So Underachiever Man had a pizza, too?
>MIKE: That's the way the story reads.

I don't know why, but I LOVE this line! Great job!

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