It's true! Maltin gave it three stars!

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Bonnie S Walling

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Mar 8, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/8/97
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The Brains weren't kidding--Leonard Maltin really did give "The Undead"
three stars! I thought for sure they were joking, so I looked it up--and
sure enough, he did!

Let me remind you again, folks--this man also gave "Monty Python and the
Holy Grail" two and a half stars. That means that, in his eyes, that piece
of excrement from the bowels of Roger Corman is better entertainment than
the Pythons at their best. This man should be hunted down and lynched.

Other thoughts--as a Wiccan, I have to say that "The Undead" is to Witches
what "Amos and Andy" was to African Americans and all those cornball old
Hollywood Westerns were to Native Americans. Add that to the cardboard
acting, confusing script, the loathsome singing loony, and THAT @#$% IMP,
and you have a recipe for pure evil.

Fortunately, the Brains rose to the occasion and gave it the thorough
drubbing it deserved. The "dancing corpses" scene was one of the funniest
stretches of MSTing in a long time. "We are family, I've got Satan's
corpses with me. . ."

And, of course, the fab lines kept coming and coming:

"At Chili's, we flame-broil our credits to perfection!"
"I wouldn't want to be downwind of Roger Corman's backdraft!"
"Ah, lung cancer!"
"Dirty, greasy walls--a short-lived design fad."
"Weekend at Bernie's--the early years!"
"They're smudging the orange grove!"
"Please get me out of this film! Please! I'll go back to waitressing, I
promise!"
"She's hitting the Happy Hour with Margaret Hamilton!"
"What the hell is this--a bust of Xiang Kai-Shek (spelling?) made out of liver?"
"Now I understand dwarf-tossing!"
"I have an urge to pour Frangelico out of his neck."
"Sir Bob of Packood!" and "Sir Gull of Bull!"
"If this were a Coen Brothers film, he'd be in the woodchipper so fast. . ."
"Grab a Ziploc for the head and a meat diaper for all the juice!"
"World's largest chin ass!" (Line of the Night)
"Now he's just naked from the waist down, butt cheeks flappin' in the wind. . ."
"This is a very dispirited Easter egg hunt."
"I haven't crapped in months!"
"Here comes Frair Tuck's medicated pads!"
"Satan, pull my gauntlet!"
"Kill me, fine, but do I have to look at your hairy torso?"
"Outdone by Bob Fosse in a Peter Pan hat!"

And one final observation--Tom Servo looked *great* in those Jedi
Knight-esque Observer robes. How about we get up a letter-writing campaign
to get him cast as the young Obi-Wan Kenobi in the Star Wars prequels?

--
"Stock footage is hell!"--Crow T. Robot, MST3K ("Amazing Colossal Man")

Soundwave [Chad Gould]

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Mar 9, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/9/97
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Bonnie S Walling (sun...@exit109.com) wrote:
: The Brains weren't kidding--Leonard Maltin really did give "The Undead"

: three stars! I thought for sure they were joking, so I looked it up--and
: sure enough, he did!
: Let me remind you again, folks--this man also gave "Monty Python and the
: Holy Grail" two and a half stars. That means that, in his eyes, that piece
: of excrement from the bowels of Roger Corman is better entertainment than
: the Pythons at their best. This man should be hunted down and lynched.

No kidding. He rated "The Undead" as high as "This Island Earth" (both
of them being the highest rated movies MSTed).

I'd like to know exactly what psychoactive chemical compounds he was on
to describe the movie as having "lots of black humor with a neat twist
ending". For comparison, this means "The Undead" is as good as:

Police Story (Jackie Chan)
Risky Business
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
The Firm (well, come to think of it... (: )
Hard-Boiled
I'm Gonna Git You Sucka
Road House (the 1948 edition! Patrick Swayze's only got 1 1/2. (: )

All of the above films got 3 stars. Draw your conclusion. (:


--
Chad Gould aka Soundwave |-X5/D50/DX27S/Juno106/TX16W/BE5-|
internet: cgo...@gate.net |-M1000/Dr550mkII/SE70/MS1402VLZ-|
http://www.webcom.com/cgould/ |Make Happy the Harmonica Happy!!|
"You have been terminated. Have a nice day!" - Safe Cracker pinball

Paul Duprey

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Mar 10, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/10/97
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Bonnie S Walling wrote:
>
> The Brains weren't kidding--Leonard Maltin really did give "The Undead"
> three stars! I thought for sure they were joking, so I looked it up--and
> sure enough, he did!
>
> Let me remind you again, folks--this man also gave "Monty Python and the
> Holy Grail" two and a half stars. That means that, in his eyes, that piece
> of excrement from the bowels of Roger Corman is better entertainment than
> the Pythons at their best. This man should be hunted down and lynched.

Here are a few other films Mr. Maltin felt weren't up to "The Undead"'s
high quality standards:
Taxi Driver **
Blade Runner *1/2
Alien **1/2
Blue Velvet **
Dark Star **1/2
Time Bandits **1/2
The Thing('82) *1/2
Terminator 2 **1/2
Evil Dead **1/2
Evil Dead II **
Army of Darkness **
additions are encouraged!

I had to check out how my favorite filmmakers working today, the Coen
Brothers, stacked up. I think I can safely rank Roger Corman as one of
my least, ever.
Keep in mind Professor Maltin gave "The Undead" three stars:
Barton Fink **1/2 (personal fave)
Blood Simple ***
Hudsucker Proxy ***
Miller's Crossing **1/2
Raising Arizona ***1/2
Crimewave **1/2
No "Fargo". I have an old crusty guide of his.

--
-Paul
tvs...@javanet.com
--------------------------------
"Yes, Mr. Death...I'll play you a game!
But not chess!!! Bah...FOOEY! My game
is WIFFLEBALL! Ha! Ha! Ha!"
-Flaming Carrot

D Perry

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Mar 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/11/97
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> >
> > The Brains weren't kidding--Leonard Maltin really did give "The Undead"
> > three stars! I thought for sure they were joking, so I looked it up--and
> > sure enough, he did!

For you unbelievers, here is what <ahem kaff kaff> respected film critic
Leonard "Len" Maltin said about The Undead:
Leonard Maltin Review
3 stars

The Undead|US (1957): Horror

Director

Roger Corman

Cast Includes

Richard Garland Pamela Duncan
Allison Hayes Mel Welles
Billy Barty Richard Devon
Bruno VeSota

Review

One of Corman's best early films, coscripted by Charles Griffith. A
scientist, investigating the possibility of reincarnation, manages to
transport himself back into the Dark Ages. Lots of atmosphere and black
humor, with a neat twist ending.

Scoochie

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Mar 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/11/97
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I didn't even know that the scientist was investigating reincarnation.
In fact, I don't think that he was. I think that not even Maltin
understands this plot. "twist ending"? The unctuous scientist ends up
sad. Now there's a twist ending. "Black Humor"? I can only imagine
that Maltin is referring to those songs. <shudder>.

Daniel Needham
MSTie #73534
Circa 2000 AD

John Carroll

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Mar 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/11/97
to

D Perry wrote:
> One of Corman's best early films, coscripted by Charles Griffith. A
> scientist, investigating the possibility of reincarnation, manages to
> transport himself back into the Dark Ages. Lots of atmosphere and black
> humor, with a neat twist ending.

Lots of atmosphere????? Is he talking about all the FOG??? What a
maroon.
--

John Carroll

http://www.cleaf.com/~jcarroll

Suppose you were and idiot. And suppose you were
a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

Bill Livingston

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Mar 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/11/97
to

Previously on "Entertainment Tonight", D Perry wrote:
>For you unbelievers, here is what <ahem kaff kaff> respected film critic
>Leonard "Len" Maltin said about The Undead:
>3 stars

'Scuse me - BWAHAHAHAHAAH! Okay, I'm better.

>One of Corman's best early films, coscripted by Charles Griffith. A
>scientist, investigating the possibility of reincarnation, manages to
>transport himself back into the Dark Ages. Lots of atmosphere and black
>humor, with a neat twist ending.

A few salient points:

+ If this is indeed one of his *better* early films, I shudder to think of the
backlog of drool-inducing celluloid that must be free-floating out there!

+ "Black Humor"? Other than Smolkin's Greatest Hits and Billy Barty's imping
around, I don't recall any *intentional* attempts at humor. (why are
gravediggers always the comic relief?)

+ Whoever reviewed this for Maltin (I somehow doubt Maltin actually reviewed
much in that guide except the "big ticket" movies), they obviously forgot to do
a couple of little things - like ACTUALLY WATCH THE MOVIE!!! Otherwise they
would know that the streetwalker is the main focus of the whole past lives
thing, not Professor "STAAAAY"!

At least this movie has one good point as compared to, say, "Mole People" - the
smug scientist actually gets a little of what's coming to him.

Bill L.
I'm an imp!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
bi...@Traveller.COM http://www.hsv.tis.net/~bill
Best if Used by Date on Label

Patrick Delahanty

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Mar 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/11/97
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John Carroll wrote:

> D Perry wrote:
> > One of Corman's best early films, coscripted by Charles Griffith. A
> > scientist, investigating the possibility of reincarnation, manages to
> > transport himself back into the Dark Ages. Lots of atmosphere and black
> > humor, with a neat twist ending.
>
> Lots of atmosphere????? Is he talking about all the FOG??? What a
> maroon.

Do you think Best Brains is insulted that MST3K: The Movie also got 3
stars? Maltin thinks it's just as good as The Undead! (...and only
half a star better than Laserblast.)

Maltin needs a slapping.

Bob Church

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Mar 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/11/97
to

> For you unbelievers, here is what <ahem kaff kaff> respected film critic
> Leonard "Len" Maltin said about The Undead:
> Leonard Maltin Review
> 3 stars
>
> The Undead|US (1957): Horror
>
> Director
>
> Roger Corman
>
> Cast Includes
>
> Richard Garland Pamela Duncan
> Allison Hayes Mel Welles
> Billy Barty Richard Devon
> Bruno VeSota
>
> Review
>
> One of Corman's best early films, coscripted by Charles Griffith. A
> scientist, investigating the possibility of reincarnation, manages to
> transport himself back into the Dark Ages. Lots of atmosphere and black
> humor, with a neat twist ending.

I know that movies can lose a lot when they go from the big screen to
video, but this is ridiculous.
Maybe we saw the dubbed version.

Bob Church

D Perry

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Mar 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/11/97
to

I do agree with one thing Maltin said: It may very well be Corman's
best film, never seen one better!

TCurryFan

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Mar 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/11/97
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I once heard "bi...@Traveller.COM (Bill Livingston)" comment:

>+ "Black Humor"? Other than Smolkin's Greatest Hits and Billy Barty's
>imping around, I don't recall any *intentional* attempts at humor. (why
>are gravediggers always the comic relief?)

Them and morticians... I think writers figure you have to be kinda whack
to take a job like that, so people who have that job must have weird
senses of humor. And maybe it's a round-about way at laughing at death.
(-:

>+ Whoever reviewed this for Maltin (I somehow doubt Maltin actually
>reviewed much in that guide except the "big ticket" movies), they
>obviously forgot to do a couple of little things - like ACTUALLY WATCH
>THE MOVIE!!! Otherwise they would know that the streetwalker is the
>main focus of the whole past lives thing, not Professor "STAAAAY"!

Indeed... I was a _little_ annoyed that the review made no mention of the
woman who's the MAIN CHARACTER!

>At least this movie has one good point as compared to, say, "Mole
>People" - the smug scientist actually gets a little of what's coming to
him.

Yeah, that WAS good. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

>Bill L.
>I'm an imp!
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

>bi...@Traveller.COM http://www.hsv.tis.net/~bill
>Best if Used by Date on Label

"If you didn't want to play with the ants, why did you go over to their house?"
-Servo, _MST3K_:_Phase_IV_. <KTMA>
Catherine "Jody the Nanite" Johnson
TCur...@aol.com
MiSTie #75, 125

JESTER

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Mar 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/11/97
to

On 9 Mar 1997, Soundwave [Chad Gould] wrote:

> Bonnie S Walling (sun...@exit109.com) wrote:
> : The Brains weren't kidding--Leonard Maltin really did give "The Undead"
> : three stars! I thought for sure they were joking, so I looked it up--and
> : sure enough, he did!

> : Let me remind you again, folks--this man also gave "Monty Python and the


> : Holy Grail" two and a half stars. That means that, in his eyes, that piece
> : of excrement from the bowels of Roger Corman is better entertainment than
> : the Pythons at their best. This man should be hunted down and lynched.
>

> No kidding. He rated "The Undead" as high as "This Island Earth" (both
> of them being the highest rated movies MSTed).
>
> I'd like to know exactly what psychoactive chemical compounds he was on
> to describe the movie as having "lots of black humor with a neat twist
> ending".

I think he still has John Tech's musak ringing in his noggin...

...or his brain is torn apart by multiple seziures caused by Mary Hart's
voice...

<JESTER>

=============================================================================
Roger Ebert on Michael Caine's "Jaws: The Revenge" -

"I believe that the shark wants revenge against Mrs. Brody. I do.
I really do believe it. After all, her husband was one of the men who
hunted this shark and killed it, blowing it to bits. And what shark
wouldn't want revenge against the survivors of the men who killed
it?"

Roger Ebert: A Bad Film's Worst Nightmare!!!!
=============================================================================


Bill Livingston

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Mar 12, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/12/97
to

Previously on "Roseanne", TCurryFan wrote:
>I once heard "bi...@Traveller.COM (Bill Livingston)" comment:
>>+ "Black Humor"? Other than Smolkin's Greatest Hits and Billy Barty's
>>imping around, I don't recall any *intentional* attempts at humor. (why
>>are gravediggers always the comic relief?)
>
>Them and morticians... I think writers figure you have to be kinda whack
>to take a job like that, so people who have that job must have weird
>senses of humor. And maybe it's a round-about way at laughing at death.
>(-:

I laughed at death once. Fortunately, he was out of earshot, playing chess.

Maybe it's that same sense of propriety that led Branagh to cast Billy Crystal &
Robin Williams as gravediggers in his great big 4-hr "Hamlet" (which I probably
won't get to see until it's on tape, but them's the breaks).

>>At least this movie has one good point as compared to, say, "Mole
>>People" - the smug scientist actually gets a little of what's coming to
>him.
>
>Yeah, that WAS good. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

First he says he doesn't care whether Diana stays or comes back. Then, once he's
back in time, sitting beside Old Scratch, he starts yelling "STAAAAY", knowing
full well it'll wipe her out of existance. And apparently he's doing it just for
fun. Makes Agar's "Mole People" character seem positively charitable.

Bill L.
SLEEEEP!!!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Erin66E

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Mar 12, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/12/97
to

JESTER wrote:
[a really funny excerpt]

>Roger Ebert: A Bad Film's Worst Nightmare!!!!

i watch film critic shows. i don't always take to heart their critiques,
but i like to hear differing opinions on every particular subject. i have
Lenny's guide, but i'd love to hear what Ebert has to say about THE
UNDEAD. Ebert's just too cool!
Erin, MSTie # 71925

Stephen Dranger

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Mar 13, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/13/97
to

D Perry <dpe...@bellatlantic.net> wrote:

>> >
>> > The Brains weren't kidding--Leonard Maltin really did give "The Undead"
>> > three stars! I thought for sure they were joking, so I looked it up--and
>> > sure enough, he did!

>For you unbelievers, here is what <ahem kaff kaff> respected film critic


>Leonard "Len" Maltin said about The Undead:
>Leonard Maltin Review
>3 stars

>The Undead|US (1957): Horror

>Director

>Roger Corman

>Cast Includes

>Richard Garland Pamela Duncan
>Allison Hayes Mel Welles
>Billy Barty Richard Devon
>Bruno VeSota

>Review

>One of Corman's best early films, coscripted by Charles Griffith. A
>scientist, investigating the possibility of reincarnation, manages to
>transport himself back into the Dark Ages. Lots of atmosphere and black
>humor, with a neat twist ending.

The full atmosphere of a 10x12 set.

--Yoda
In a parallell universe....

Tammy Stephanie Davis

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Mar 13, 1997, 3:00:00 AM3/13/97
to

In article <19970312202...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
Erin66E <eri...@aol.com> wrote:

I like Ebert & Siskel's movie review show. I don't agree with
everything they say (who does?), but their reasons for their
opinions are pretty well thought out.

---TSD(Besides, Medved makes me ill.)

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