[SOL. Mike and the bots are gathered in discussion.]
MIKE: Hi, folks. Welcome to the Satellite of Love once again. I've just
been telling the bots here more about some of my favorite shows--
like 'The Simpsons.'
CROW: [snickering] Amanda Hugginkiss. Seymour Butts.
TOM: And Bart never got caught making those crank calls?
MIKE: Not so far as I know.
[Crow and Tom start snickering together. While they're still laughing,
the Mad's light begins to flash.]
MIKE: What the ... Pearl's early today. [He hits the light.]
[Castle Forrester. Swank decorations and chamber music fill the room.
Pearl is standing before the camera, wearing a pea-green party dress and a
giant rhinestone brooch shaped like a letter "F." She is sporting more
make-up than ever--if that's possible.]
PEARL: So here's the deal, Nel-steen. I'm treating the Mad Scientists'
Accreditation Board to one hell of a soiree--all part of my plan to
impress them enough to give me the accreditation I need to master
the world. Since everything's gone well so far, you guys are going
to catch a break. No experiment.
[SOL]
MIKE: You mean it?
[Castle]
PEARL: When have I ever lied to you? [She pauses, then rushes on before
anyone can answer.] Consider it your once-in-ten-years vacation.
[Observer comes in, wearing an apron.]
OBSERVER: Really, Pearl, I must protest. Why have *I* been saddled with
all the preparations?
PEARL: Because I'm hosting, and because Bobo's stupid. Where is that fur-
bearin' critter, anyway?
OBSERVER: I took the liberty of assigning him to set the table.
PEARL: What?! [She dashes off-screen. We hear her shout of:] Get your
paws off my crystal, you damn dirty--
[The sound of a Waterford goblet shattering on a floor is heard--quickly
followed by the sound of an ape being choked.]
OBSERVER: I think I'd better take this opportunity to make myself scarce.
[SOL]
MIKE: All right! I'll see if I can find something for us to do!
CROW: Sure, Mike, sure. Say, can you put the telephone up on the desk for
us?
MIKE: Okay.
[He lifts up a standard speaker phone, then dashes off-screen. Crow and
Tom look at each other, then at the phone, then at each other. They begin
to giggle, and their laughter slowly grows. We still hear them chortling
as we cut to commercial.]
[SOL. Tom and Crow stand on either side of the telephone, looking at it
expectantly. A ringing can be heard through the phone's speaker. Mike
enters, humming and carrying a wiffleball, bat and glove.]
MIKE: Hey, guys, how about a game of three-way wiffleball? [He holds up
the ball hopefully.]
TOM: Not now, Mike.
MIKE: [noticing the phone] What--? Grendel's mother isn't calling again,
is she? I thought she was hosting that soiree thing.
CROW: She is. That's why *we're* calling *her.*
[Cut to Castle Forrester. Pearl is holding a cordless phone in one hand
and a tray of cheese cubes in the other. Various evil-looking types in
evening dress mill around in the background.]
PEARL: Hello?
[SOL]
CROW: [in a cheesy, movie-Sigmund-Freud-style accent] Hello. Is zis ze
Mad Scientists' Accreditation Board dinner?
[Castle]
PEARL: Yes, it is.
[SOL]
TOM: Vee are looking for our friend, Amanda ...
CROW: Ja, Mizzz Hugginkiss. She is at ze dinner.
TOM: Could vee speak to her, please?
MIKE: Uh, guys--
CROW: Shhhh.
[Castle Forrester]
PEARL: Just a moment.
[She holds the phone against her shoulder to muffle it and calls out ...]
PEARL: Excuse me! Where can I find Amanda Hugginkiss?
[Sniggering can be heard from the millers in the background.]
[SOL. Crow and Tom are also sniggering.]
MIKE: Guys, this isn't a good idea.
TOM: Quiet! She'll hear you!
[Castle]
Pearl: What's so funny? I'm just looking for Amanda Hugginkiss.
[The sniggering turns to guffaws. Some point at her and laugh. Others
start heading for the door, shaking their heads even as they laugh. Pearl
suddenly realizes what she's been saying.]
PEARL: [into the phone] Why, you ... if I ever get my hands on ... [She
pauses, hearing sounds from the phone.]
MIKE: [through phone] All right, you two--that's it!
[Pearl, evidently recognizing the voice, reaches out to a control panel
and establishes a video link with the SOL.]
[SOL. Tom and Crow are standing in front of the phone, blocking Mike's
attempts to get to it.]
MIKE: You guys, we're going to get in trouble!
CROW: Only if she finds out--so keep quiet!
TOM: Yeah, Bart Simpson never got in trouble!
MIKE: Bart Simpson never had to deal with a sociopathic captor sending him
awful movies!
[Castle. The same sound of struggle can be heard over the cordless phone
Pearl is still holding.]
PEARL: AHA!
[SOL. Mike and the bots are frozen in place.]
TOM and CROW: Uh, oh ...
[Castle]
PEARL: So. You two think prank phone calls are fun, eh? Well, I've got
an X-Files fic that will teach you differently--and that's no
prank! BRAIN GUY!
OBSERVER: [entering with a plate of cream puffs in his hand] Yes, ma'am?
PEARL: Send those jokesters 'Arrogance of Slumber!'
OBSERVER: But what about dinner? What about my cream puffs?
[Pearl slaps him on the back of the head, sending it face-first into the
puffs.]
PEARL: Just DO IT!
[Observer raises his head and jiggles it. Cream and pastry fall off his
face.]
[SOL. Lights are flashing.]
MIKE: Thanks a lot, guys. Now we've got--
ALL: Call Sign!
[Door sequence. They enter the theater and sit down.]
MIKE: I hope you two are happy.
CROW: Eh, it was worth it.
MIKE: Huh. Famous last words.
> Date: 13 Aug 1998 16:17:14 GMT
> From: XFILES718 <xfil...@aol.com
>
> Subject: Arrogance Slumber Unity : Megan and Lexie HUMOR
MIKE: That's one bizarre example of an SAT comparison.
>
> TITLE: Arrogance of Slumber
TOM: You have got to be pretty *dang* arrogant if you can be so in your
sleep.
> AUTHOR: Megan XFilr and Lexie Jaidiaa
CROW: Jaid--wha? Is this a Gamera film all of a sudden?
ALL: Daiee!
> CLASSIFICATION: (this is long) Humor, Humor Romance, Humor ANGST,
CROW: Now *there's* a contradiction in terms.
> Story, Story / Humor, Story/Romance, Story Humor/Romance,
> Vignette,
TOM: Isn't that a salad dressing?
> Vignette / Humor,
> Vignette / Romance, Vignette / Humor / Romance
MIKE: She's channeling Polonius!
TOM: The best fanfics in the world, either for humor, story, vignette,
romance, romance/story, vignette/romance, humor/vignette,
humor/story/vignette/romance...
> .................we
> want it this long because
CROW: [as author] ... we want to be as annoying as possible.
> its so DAMN hard to find a story on
> Gossamer or any archive..please comply with our classification or
TOM: ... be destroyed!
> e-mail XFIL...@aol.com to complain
> RATING: Pg-13 for little *romance*
CROW: Man, those ratings are getting strict.
MIKE: Yeah, one swear word, and we'd get into the NC-17 range.
> **SUMMARY** Mulder's apartment gets fumigated and he is forced to
> spend a night with Scully....they playfully call it a slumber
> party.
CROW: You think they'll do each other's hair and makeup and spend the
night lusting after Tony Travis, too?
MIKE: Huh?
TOM: Before your time.
MIKE: You guys are *weird.*
> But what's a slumber party without some good ol' music,
> blackmail (TorD)
TOM: Time or distance?
CROW: Toaster or Dishwasher?
MIKE: Nah, I think it's Torgo's little brother.
> and *romance*
TOM: ... humor, humor ANGST, vignette ...
[Mike whaps him on the head]
> Anything more would spoil the surprise ending.
TOM: Oh, don't hold back on *our* account.
> ARCHIVE: Gossamer-.(email us at XFIL...@aol.com and
> Jai...@aol.com when its up so we can see it)
CROW: [as author] Even though we've just slammed your classification
system.
> Everone else..do it
> and let us know. Keep this stuff that no one reads anyway. =P
MIKE: What are we, chopped liver?
> DISCLAIMER: Okay..all together now!
TOM: A, B, C, D, can I bring my friend to tea?
> (To the tune of Ol Macdonald)
[All start humming 'Old MacDonald'--out of sync and in different keys.]
> Old Chris Carter had a show, eei, eii, oh! And that show he did
> protect, eei, eei, oh!
CROW: Well, there are FCC and copyright issues...
> With SHUT SITE HERE, and a SHUT SITE
> THERE. Bye bye site! Bye bye site!
TOM: [singing] Bye, bye, Birdie!
> Here, there, everywhere a
> closed site...Old Chris Carter needs a life...eei eei oh!
MIKE: Pot, kettle, black, girls.
> In short...if we owned them, this would be an xfile episode
CROW: Written by *professional* scriptwriters.
> and
> we would be millionaires and we wouldn't be struggling human
> being
MIKE: We are shippers of Borg. Mulder and Scully will be assimilated.
Resistance is futile.
> in the fight of our lives.... for freedom of speech!
TOM: And passing English.
> And if
> Chris Carter is actually reading this (snort: Yeah right)
CROW: Eloquent pig, that.
> then he
> better duck his head because
MIKE: There's an iceball heading straight for him!
> all fan fiction plays with his
> beloved characters and we dot have money. I, Megan,
TOM: [as Megan] ...being of sound mind and body--
CROW: Well, that's debatable.
> only have
> this computer that is worth anything...that my copy of Bad
> Blood...and you cant touch that!
MIKE: She's Megan C. Hammer!
> Nope! So...enjoy. But dot sue.
CROW: Wakko litigate.
> Please? IM begginging you!
TOM: Let's beggingine the beggingingine...
> Oh! All songs used here (like 3am and such)
CROW: 12:45 p.m...
MIKE: Half past middlenight...
TOM: 11:23 a fortnight from now...
> belong to their
> respected singers and writers.
CROW: Even Milli Vanilli?
> Had to say that. Sorry.
ALL: [singing] Only song lyrics...pad the 'fic.
> SPOILERS: General-.but you wouldn't notice them
> AUTHOR'S NOTES: (JAIDIAA) To heather for inspiring me to write
ALL: Thanks a lot, Heather!
> and to um...troy because he's my ruler
TOM: She names her rulers?
MIKE: Yeah, and her slide rule's named Danny.
> and boss and to um..chris
> ledoux cuz he's the best singer.
CROW: He backstitches, makes buttonholes...
> (XFILES718) To Vijal,
TOM: Sassoon.
> Angie, Mari, Ron, Erik and Fox
MIKE: ... Lizbeth and John Boy ...
TOM: ... Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice!
> who all
> think Im obsessed with the xfiles...here is the proof.
CROW: 80 proof.
> To my mom
> for putting up with daily viewings of Bad Blood,
MIKE: Well, I would think daily viewings of even *Good* Blood would be
hard to take.
> to my hamster
> Armageddon, who's birthday is the same as Chris Carters (10/13/)
TOM: She's giving this story to her hamster?
CROW: To paper his cage with.
> and to any living soul who reads this..
CROW: Our condolences.
> god bless you!
[All sneeze.]
>
>
> FEEDBACK: If you want to write, look who wrote the section ur
> writing about...
MIKE: And don't follow that example.
TOM: "Ur"? What does ancient Babylon have to do with it?
> makes response a lot easier. Then write to Lexie
> (Jai...@aol.com) or Megan XFilr (XFILES718). Say how marvelously
> funny we both are...
CROW: Okay...
TOM and CROW: How marvelously funny we both are.
> this is our first fan fiction ever (I hope
> there will be more Lexie)
MIKE: [as Lexie] Actually, there'll be less--I'm going on a diet.
> and we want to know if we should take
> the walk together down cooperation
CROW: Is that Cooperation Way or Cooperation Boulevard?
> or split at the fork of the
> road.
>
> And yes, Megan does love Greenday..especially Time Of Your
> Life-
TOM: Which this is not.
> that and Goo Goo Dolls and Fastball and Smash Mouth.
MIKE: No, we're adamantly against violence.
> (The
> fork in the road appears in all songs of the bands)
CROW: I thought it appeared in 'The Muppet Movie.'
>
> Arrogance Slumber Unity
TOM: Things you say at a blond's sleep-over party!
> By: Jaidiaa
CROW: Isn't that a character in Star Trek?
> and Megan XFilr
>
> "Absolutely not!" Scully pouted
> "Why? I have no where else to go"
MIKE: Don't you do it! Don't you do it! I got nowhere else to go!
> "You can stay at a hotel"
TOM: Preferably the Bates Motel.
> At that Mulder pulled out his wallet to reveal
CROW: A rabbit, two doves, and a scantily-clad assistant.
> he had no cash.
> He also showed her his checkbook, which revealed a balance of
> $0.18
MIKE: So Scully's so distrustful of Mulder that he has to show her all
that to prove his point?
TOM: [as Mulder] And if you'll take a look at my tax returns for the past
five years...
CROW: Hey Mulder! Ever heard of credit cards?
> "Alright Mulder, you can stay with me while your apartment is
> being fumigated,
TOM: Naah, let him stay at his place. It could only improve his
conspiracy theories.
> but you have to sleep on the couch, and you're
> cooking dinner tonight"
CROW: Just don't ask for pot roast. Trust me.
> "Thank you, It'll be fun, I promise. Hey we could make it a
> slumber party"
> "What!?"
MIKE: Took the words right out of my mouth, Scully.
> "You know where we play stupid games and tell each other our
> deepest secrets"
TOM: Mulder, you couldn't be deep if you fell down a 50-foot well.
> "You have lost your mind"
CROW: All right, Scully!
MIKE: You know, there's a *reason* she won an Emmy and he didn't.
> "It'll be fun, Please"
TOM: [as Scully] No! And don't call me Please!
> "Oh alright, but only if I get to give you a makeover"
ALL: What?!
> "Well, um,...OK"
[All sigh.]
MIKE: Strap in, guys. We're in for a *long* bout of mischaracterization.
TOM: I've heard of writing what you know, but this is ridiculous!
>
> XXX Now its MegX's turn XXX
CROW: All right! This part's rated triple-X!
MIKE: [as Al] I don't think so, Crow.
>
> Mulder trudged into Scully's apartment. "I managed to salvage
> my sleeping bag and some assorted clothing.
TOM: Boxers, briefs, g-strings ...
CROW: Clown shoes ... golf pants ... Tinky Winky T-shirt ...
> I hope you have a
> pillow..didn't make it in time.
CROW: So are these fumigators completely demolishing his apartment?
MIKE: No, just stealing all his stuff.
> Scully didn't look too happy with this future development
TOM: *What* development?
MIKE: She's afraid he'll get cooties on the pillow.
TOM: Ahh.
> but
> it isn't like he was a * total * stranger. She did know him for
> more than 6 years_and they were friends.
CROW: Note to self--friend and colleague of six years equals *partial*
stranger, not total.
> What could * possibly *
> go wrong?
MIKE: I'll take Famous Last Words for $200, please, Alex.
> Mulder dropped his sleeping bag in front of the television in
> Scully's living room. Scully had managed to shimmy the couch to
> the side of the room
MIKE: She moved the couch by vibrating it?
CROW: Either there was a very convenient earthquake, or she borrowed
someone's jackhammer.
> so she and Mulder could watch some TV before
> they wistfully hit the sacks.
TOM: *Wistfully* hit the sack? What the heck does *that* mean?
> It was quite a sight; Scully's neat and tidy, barely-been-used
> sleeping bag and 3 pillows next to Mulder ratty, taggart ol' sack
TOM: Taggart? *Taggart*?! That's not even a *word!* [sobs]
MIKE: There, there. You'll survive. You've seen worse, after all.
TOM: [sniffling] True.
> from his childhood.
CROW: Wouldn't it be too small for him by now?
> Scully was dressed in blue pajamas and had a
> white robe over her clothing.
CROW: Scully, you're ruining it for me!
> Mulder grabbed a long-tshirt and a
> pair of boxers
TOM: Specifically, Mike Tyson and Muhammed Ali.
> to change in the bathroom.
MIKE: So what happened to dinner?
CROW: Beats me. Count your blessings.
> Scully had already
> washed; her red hair was up in a pony-tail
TOM: Isn't her hair too short for that?
MIKE: She'd probably end up with that samurai-type hairdo. [snickers]
> and her face showed
> the delicate freckles that she often covered up with make-up and
> concealer.
CROW: Especially when there was a frost and freeze warning.
MIKE: Boy, on this show, even Scully's cosmetics are involved in a
cover-up!
> Mulder popped out of the bathroom wearing a shirt that says,
> "I admit the red-head next to me is smarter_but I watch more TV."
[Crow groans.]
TOM: You think that's bad? Scully's got one that says, "I was abducted by
aliens and all I got was this lousy t-shirt."
> Scully giggled_..and Mulder took it as a good sign.
MIKE: The amphetamines he'd slipped her were starting to kick in.
> He thumped down onto the floor
CROW: Riling the quiet but strange man who lived downstairs...
> and unrolled his sleeping bag.
> "So what movies are we watching?"
TOM: [as Scully] I found this little movie called 'Manos.' Sounded
interesting...
> Scully shrugged as she squatted to open her sleeping bag.
CROW: You know, it's almost impossible to squat and shrug at the
same time.
MIKE: I bet I could do it.
[His silhouette lowers as he climbs out of his seat and squats on
the floor. Then his body gives a sudden wriggle and he disappears
with a thud.]
> "I
> thought we would watch the late night special on HBO.
[MIKE climbs painfully back into his seat.]
MIKE: Well, maybe not.
TOM: Nice try, though.
> But first,
> we are going to play a little game."
CROW: We are *going* to play a little game, young man!
> Mulder cocked his eyebrow
CROW: Careful, Mulder! It might go off!
TOM: What, is he turning into Spock now?
MIKE: No, he couldn't possibly be logical enough for that.
TOM: True.
> are he sat down on the sleeping bag.
CROW: And I heard him exclaim/ Are he sat on his sleeping bag...
> "OH really? What little game is that?"
CROW: [as Scully] Hide the sausage!
> Scully crossed her legs on her sleeping bag.
MIKE: Geez, just go to the bathroom already!
> "Oh_truth or
> dare."
> Mulder's eyes opened. "No way, Scully!"
TOM: Hey, *you're* the one who suggested playing silly games and
telling deep secrets!
> Scully reached for her
CROW: Derringer?
> pocket book.
CROW: Drat.
> "How much is one night at
> the Motel 8?"
TOM: Or eight nights at the Motel 1, whichever is cheaper?
> Mulder grabbed her hand. "OK, fine. Truth or dare. Sure. Fine.
> Whatever."
CROW: Uh-huh.
TOM: Yeah.
MIKE: Okay.
CROW: Duuude.
TOM: So when did Mulder turn into a frat rat?
> Scully smiled. "OK." She got up in one swift motion from her
> Indian-style sitting position.
MIKE: That's *Native American*-style sitting position.
> She went to the lights and shut
> them all except a small light by the door.
CROW: Wow. An apartment lit solely by storm lanterns.
> As Scully sat back
> down, Mulder could only make out her basic features.
TOM: The upgrades weren't coming until next month.
> Her eyes
> seemed to emanate as a light source.
MIKE: Whoa! This is turning into a horror story! Her eyeballs are
falling out!
CROW: That's kind of gross, Mike.
MIKE: I'm just trying to make it more like a real X-Files episode. C'mon,
where's the doom, the aliens, the conspiracies?
> Mulder was surprised when
> he saw the dead serious look on her face.
MIKE: Why's he surprised? She always looks like that.
> "First, no woosie dares or truths.
CROW: Hey, playing Truth or Dare with Scully would sure make *me* woozy!
> I have yet to turn down a
> dare and lets see your guts. Deal?"
MIKE: [as Mulder] Okay. Give me a sword and I'll commit hara-kiri.
> Mulder nodded but inside he was ready to throw up.
TOM: Wow, he *is* taking her literally!
> XXX
MIKE: This scene too graphic for those 18 and older.
> "Fine, I'll start. Truth or Dare?"
> "Truth," Mulder said.
TOM: The truth is out there, Mulder.
> "If you could marry anyone in the FBI_anyone who would it
> be_.someone that isn't really close to us?"
TOM: Well, then, it isn't *really* anyone, is it?
> Mulder chewed the inside of his lip. "Argh_.i don't know!"
> "That's the game Mulder; you make a choice."
CROW: Choose wisely.
> Mulder looked heaven ward.
MIKE: The little-known sister of Bert Ward.
> "Fine_I say Andrea Pissoneli."
CROW: I don't think Eli would like that much. And don't call me Andrea!
> Scully's eye's opened. "The coffee lady? For Skinner?"
MIKE: Please. That's "hot beverage consultant."
> "Yeah, either her or Holly..
CROW: The computer from _Red Dwarf_?
TOM: Does he mean the male one or the female one?
> the assistant of communications."
BOTS: Whew.
> Scully sighed. "I figured." They both were very_..mature_
> women.
CROW: And Scully's not?
TOM: She's playing Truth or Dare!
CROW: Good point.
> "Is it my turn?"
> Scully nodded. "I take truth."
MIKE: I take calculus.
CROW: I take aspirin.
TOM: [falsetto] I take Bob for everything he's got!
> "Fine.um_ah_..,<suck in air>
TOM: Hmmm...he's sounding colicky.
> ..um_have you ever photocopied
> your nether region on the FBI copier?"
> Scully opened her eyes.
MIKE: When did she close them?
> "No."
> "Worth asking."
CROW: Hey, if she had, it'd be on 500 websites by now.
> Scully smiled. "Truth or Dare?"
> "Truth."
ALL: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
> Scully smiled, showing teeth this time 'round.
TOM: [as Scully] Sorry. Dentist flashback.
> "If you could
> have a one night stand with any singer, who would it be."
MIKE: Celine Dion!
CROW: Courtney Love!
TOM: The artist formerly known as Prince!
[Crow and Mike look hesitantly over at Tom.]
> Mulder did not hesitate. "Lee Ann Rimes."
MIKE: Ummm...wasn't she 16 when this story was written?
CROW: I guess Mulder's into statutory rape.
> Scully raised her upper lip. "Country? Mulder?"
CROW: Mulder's a little bit country? Does that make Scully a little bit
rock-n-roll?
TOM: Guess so.
CROW: Cool.
> "What d'ya expect?"
TOM: Someone at the age of legal consent?
> "I thought like Madonna
CROW: No, if Scully thought like Madonna she'd have jumped Mulder's bones
by now.
> or Janet Jackson or_..Gwen Stefani or
> something!"
MIKE: Heck, I'd prefer Prince, for that matter!
> "I like LeeAnn's teeth."
CROW: Guys, we're getting into a whole weird area here.
> <Crap, so I wore braces for nothing?> Scully evilly thought.
MIKE: Shouldn't have shown him your teeth just now!
TOM: Wow! Dental work occasions evil thoughts from Scully?
CROW: Don't get her started about caps...
> "Truth or Dare?" Mulder asked.
> Scully put her tongue in her cheek.
MIKE: Oh, I think it's been there for some time already.
> "Dare."
> Mulder twilighted his eyebrows.
[All laugh.]
TOM: I always thought he had crepuscular eyes!
CROW: If he starts sundowning his cheeks, watch out!
> "Fine, I want you_..to walk to
> that cute neighbor of yours that you rambled on
MIKE: So Scully walks all over the men in her life?
CROW: I could live with that.
> for 2 months at
> work in what you're wearing now and ask for_.
ALL: A SHRUBBERY!
TOM: Wait...so she was wearing pajamas and a robe to work? I'm so
confused!
> a cup of sugar."
> Scully snorted.
CROW: Cocaine?
MIKE: At this point, I wouldn't be surprised.
> "That's it?''
> Mulder nodded. Scully got up with a sigh and grabbed her
> measuring cup from her kitchen cabinet.
MIKE: Her *one* measuring cup?
TOM: Ah, Scully--measuring cups for liquids don't work very well for
sugar.
> She took her keys and
> left the apartment and Mulder followed.
> Scully walked 3 doors down.
CROW: And several floors to the side.
> She rapped on the door.
MIKE: [rap beat] Well, my name is Scully, and I'd like to KNOW
If you got any sugar that I could bor-ROW ...
CROW: Never do that again, Mike.
> She waited
> for a second and
TOM: ...left. She doesn't have a lot of patience.
> the door opened. Mulder ducked into the doorway.
MIKE: Into the neighbor's doorway?
CROW: Geez, rude much, Mulder?
> "Hi Steven. Listen, I know this may sound clique but do you
> have a cup of sugar to spare?
[All laugh.]
TOM: Yeah, the cheerleaders were *always* asking the jocks for a cup
of sugar.
MIKE: But they'd rather *die* than ask the geeks!
> I wanted to make some coffee but I
> like it with sugar."
> "Sure, Dana. Come on in."
CROW: [as Scully] Oh, what a nice apart...wait a minute. *This* is where
all the missing neighbors ended up?
> Mulder heard Scully enter the apartment. He looked out of the
> door and saw the door of 'Steven's" apartment close.
TOM: Mulder wouldn't believe that that was his name until he checked with
the Lone Gunmen.
> He ran into
> the stairwell
MIKE: [as Mulder] *Thud* Ow!
> so he could have a view as Scully exited the
> apartment.
MIKE: Mulder is now officially obsessive.
> Mulder waited.
CROW: Mom, has the file finished loading yet?!
> And waited.
TOM: [singing] Sex for sugar is fun...
> And waited more.
MIKE: Seasons changed. Continents moved. Construction on Phoenix's
highways was finally completed.
> Finally * Scully came out with a full cup.
CROW: Is *that* what they're calling it these days?
> "Thank you so much!"
> "No prob, Danes.
TOM: In a surprise casting move, the Fox Network announced that the role
of Scully will now be played by Clare Danes!
> Come over any time! Maybe we can look at the
> brand new England Medical Journal."
TOM: Ahh...Megan? Lexie? You don't *always* have to believe the
grammar checker.
> Mulder saw Steven and knew
> why he took Scully;
MIKE: Where's he taking her?
CROW: Out of the story, let's hope.
> he was a surfer built blond
TOM: I didn't realize surfers were such skilled roboticists.
> with small, oval,
> tortoise shell glasses wearing a tight white T-shirt.
CROW: Glasses wearing t-shirts? This isn't the 'X-Files,' this is
'PeeWee's Playhouse!'
> Scully
> said, "Good night" and walked to her apartment.
MIKE: Then she thought, 'What the *hell* am I doing?' and went back to
Steven's apartment.
> Mulder waited until Steven's door closed to meet Scully at her
> doorway.
MIKE: [as Mulder] Young lady, do you have any idea what time it is? I was
worried sick!
CONTINUED in part 2 ...