MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 9 [ 1 / 1 ]

[Joseph Nebus]

>
>
> IX

TOM: That's one of those obscure moons of Saturn, right?
JOEL: Looking forward to meeting Queen Zixi.

>
> SAVING HIS FEET

CROW: For marriage.

>
> Old Mr. Crow and Jimmy Rabbit had a good laugh over
> Grumpy Weasel's plan for a race with Jimmy. They thought it a
> great joke.

JOEL: Maybe you had to be there. Wait, we were!

>
> "He needn't give me a start," Jimmy said.

TOM: 'Needn't'.

> "I can beat
> Grumpy easily."
>
> "Never mind that!" Mr. Crow advised.

CROW: [ As Jimmy ] 'Well, I can *not* beat him even more easily!'

> "You might as
> well let him have his way.

TOM: You needn't make him all grumpy.

> He'll look all the more foolish,
> trying to catch up with you."

JOEL: Now into your clown suit and remember to let your pants fall down!

>
> So Jimmy Rabbit agreed to run the race as Grumpy
> Weasel wished,

TOM: Only two more wishes and Jimmy goes back into the magic lamp!

> saying that he was ready to start at once.

CROW: Zoom!
JOEL: [ As Maxwell Smart ] 'Would you believe starting at *twice*?'


>
> But Mr. Crow told him he had better wait till the
> next day.

TOM: Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after ...

> "That will give me time to tell everybody," he
> explained,

CROW: Including Santa Claus and Princess Ozma of the Land of Oz!

> "and then there'll be a big turnout to see you
> win---and to jeer at Grumpy Weasel for losing."

TOM: Wasn't this the plot of 'It's Motocross, Charlie Brown'?

> And one could
> tell from Mr. Crow's remark

JOEL: That he's one sassy bot.
CROW: He's different.

> that he liked Jimmy Rabbit and
> that he despised Grumpy Weasel.

CROW: Or that he's playing both sides against the middle.

>
> The next day proved to be a fine one for the race.

TOM: [ Grumbling ] Man, 25 bucks fine for racing ...

> It
> wasn't too hot nor too cold;

JOEL: It was threatening to be a little too medium.

> and early in the morning the
> field- and forest-people began gathering at Grumpy Weasel's
> hunting ground,

CROW: Mmm, buffet.

> where the stone wall touched the clearing.

TOM: Watch out for holes!

>
> About the only persons that objected to the time set
> for the race were Benjamin Bat and Solomon Owl.

TOM: Minor characters get alliterative names, real characters get normal names.

> Benjamin said
> that he could never keep awake to watch it;

CROW: We *get* it, Benjamin, you're not a racing fan. Stop dissing us who *are*.

> and Solomon
> complained that he couldn't see well in the daytime.

JOEL: But they're not *racing* a well.

> But all
> the rest of the company were in the best of spirits, giggling
> slyly whenever they looked at Grumpy Weasel,

TOM: He-he-he-he-hah
JOEL: Mwuh-uh-ha-hah-haa!
CROW: [ High-pitched cackling ]

> who seemed to
> pay scant heed to his neighbors,

TOM: I love whenever Scant Heed To His Neighbors comes up on the indie station.

> though you may be sure his
> roving black eyes took in everything that was going on.

JOEL: Tale of *Greedy* Weasel.

> He
> seemed more restless than ever as he waited for Jimmy Rabbit
> to arrive,

CROW: Well, how restless *is* Ever?
JOEL: Ever Egret.

> walking to and fro on his front legs in a most
> peculiar fashion,

TOM: It's called warming up, Narrator!

> while he kept his hind feet firmly planted
> on the ground in one spot.

JOEL: Restless *Some* Legs Syndrome.

> Of course he could never have
> moved about in this manner had his body not been so long and
> slender.

CROW: Fatty Raccoon in the background, not moving at all.

>
> Noticing Grumpy's strange actions, old Mr. Crow
> looked worried

CROW: No, I figure Grumpy knows what he's doing!

> and asked him what was the matter.

TOM: Bubble wrap rehearsals.

> "I hope
> your hind feet aren't troubling you, just as the race is
> about to begin," he said.

JOEL: Maybe his ankles are too tight, ever think about that?

>
> Grumpy Weasel hissed at the old gentleman before he
> replied:

TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Sorry, my tire cap was loose.'

> "Don't worry! You'll soon see that my hind feet can
> travel as fast as my front ones---

JOEL: That feels like a threat, somehow.
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'And then I'll show those fools at the Academy!'

> when I want to use them."

TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'But when I remove them from their box they lose a lot of value so I want to be sure this is worth it.'

>
> "Ah!" Mr. Crow exclaimed knowingly.

JOEL: [ As Mr Crow ] 'I have no idea what you just told me!'

> "He's saving his
> hind feet for the race."

TOM: Yeah, close enough.

>
> When Jimmy Rabbit reached the gathering place, coming
> up in a long lope,

CROW: I love those old-fashioned vehicles like jitneys and phaetons and lopes and everything.

> Mr. Crow hurried to meet him.

JOEL: Mr Crow, do you just want to race Jimmy? Is that your game?

>
> "I advise you to save your hind feet," he whispered.

TOM: Don't spend them all in one place.

> "Grumpy Weasel is saving his."

CROW: Just in case the boss battle really needs feet.

>
> Jimmy Rabbit told Mr. Crow, with a smile, that he had
> saved his hind feet all his life---and his front ones, too.

JOEL: El-Ahrairah looking at Jimmy after this going, 'Eh, I guess. Fine.'

>
> "I've brought them along to-day,"

JOEL: Even though I needn't.

> he said, "to help
> me win this race."

CROW: My feet, and the weasel-proof tape at the finish line.

>
--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
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