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David Hines' MSTed Voyager Press Release?

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to...@fred.net

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Sep 8, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/8/97
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Someone asked for David Hines' MSTing of the Voyager Press Release with
the brilliant filk "We Need Breasts". Did someone save it to a site?

--
To...@Fred.Net
http://www.fred.net/tomr
"Yes, the sweeping majesty of young white Republican love."
- "Horror of Party Beach", MST3K #817

Jamie Plummer

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Sep 8, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/8/97
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In article <5v131v$mr3$1...@news.fred.net>, to...@fred.net ( ) wrote:
>Someone asked for David Hines' MSTing of the Voyager Press Release with
>the brilliant filk "We Need Breasts". Did someone save it to a site?


Doesn't anyone know how to use DejaNews? This two minutes to find. WOuld
have been quicker, but Hines prefers the etymologically unsure "MiSTed" to the
proper "MSTed." :


Subject: MiSTed: Press Release on New Voyager Borg Character
From: dzh...@midway.uchicago.edu (David Hines)
Date: 1997/06/14
Message-Id: <EBr8D...@midway.uchicago.edu>
Newsgroups:
alt.tv.star-trek.voyager,rec.arts.startrek.current,rec.arts.sf.tv,rec.arts.tv.
mst3k.misc
[More Headers]

A stray comment Johnzo made recently has prompted me to return to my
roots. Just remember: it's all his fault.

[ The bridge of the Satellite of Love. Mike, Crow, and Gypsy are
arrayed at stage left, looking at Tom, who is facing them from stage
right. Mike has a styrofoam coffee cup in his hand; another is on
the counter by Crow. Crow and Gypsy have cigarettes (unlit, of
course) dangling from their mouths. ]

TOM: Ahem. Um. [nervously] Hello. My name is Tom, and... and I...
er... what I'm trying to say is...
GYPSY: Go ahead, Tom.
CROW: Yeah, Servo, we ain't got all day. Spit it out.
TOM: I... well... [beat; then, very quickly:] I'm a Trekkie.
ALL: [gasps of horror; stiffening of spines]
[beat]
MIKE: Wait a minute. Tom, we knew that! You've got all the tie-in
novels and the 30th anniversary collectors' edition toilet paper.
CROW &
GYPSY: Oh, yeah. [they relax]
TOM: That's not the real confession. [steels himself] I watch _Voyager_.
ALL: [more fervent gasps of horror]
MIKE: Wait a minute -- we *all* watch _Voyager_. For relief from the
crappy movies we all have to suffer through, remember?
CROW &
GYPSY: Oh, yeah. [they relax again]
CROW: Hey, Mike -- if we watch _Voyager_ to unwind after watching the
crappiest of the crappy, then why the heck did we sit through
"Favorite Son"?
MIKE: I thought it was _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_.
GYPSY: That's understandable.
TOM: That's not the real confession! The real confession is that I want
_Voyager_ to get better! I want to see a great show! I want the
Trek dynasty to go strong for another thirty years! [beat] Is that
wrong?
MIKE: That's not so bad, Tom. Lots of people want things. Like, I want to
see my family again.
GYPSY: Sometimes I want Belgian waffles!
CROW: I want to set up Lisa Klink on a blind date with Stephen Ratliff.
TOM: Oh, that's just peachy. What would their kid be like?
CROW: I don't know for sure, but I'm betting on a combination of Kevin J.
Anderson and Lee Goldberg.
ALL: Ewwwwwww.
[light flashes]
MIKE: Hey, look -- the She-Wolf of London is calling. [he snaps the com on]

Pearl Forrester is revealed on board a Borg ship. A male Borg -- really,
really beefcake, wearing only a codpiece best left to the imagination of
H.R. Giger -- is rubbing her shoulders. Bobo and the Observer are visible
behind her. They're both paler than usual, which is understandable, as
they're plugged into the wall and in the process of getting Borgified.

PEARL: A little to the left. [the Borg complies] Ohhh. So, you boys
like _Voyager_, do you?

MIKE: Well, actually, only Tom, and even *he* --

PEARL: Never mind. You're getting a press release about a _Voyager_ cast
change. Enjoy. [com channel closes]

MIKE: Huh.
TOM: Um... Mike, weren't those Borg?
MIKE: I think so.
TOM: Shouldn't we warn 'em or something?
MIKE: Nah. It's the Borg who should be worried.
TOM: [surprised] What, you thought I meant we should warn *Forrester?*
[siren goes off]
MIKE: Oh, no! PRESS RELEASE SIGN!

[Door sequence]

[They enter the theater]

TOM: Movie sign, fanfic sign, John_-_Winston sign, now press release
sign? How do you tell 'em apart?
MIKE: Ten signs. All of family sign. Only slight differences in
light and sirens.
CROW: Signs, signs... *everywhere* the signs...
TOM: Are you guys worried about the casting change?
MIKE: Nah. We've heard the rumors; we know it's coming. How bad could
it be?

> NEW CAST MEMBER JOINS UPN's "STAR TREK: VOYAGER" -- Actress Jeri
> Ryan Portrays Provocative Female Borg --

CROW: Uh-oh.
TOM: "Provocative Female Borg?" I call Deep Hurting.
CROW: I call it first.
TOM: No you don't!

> LOS ANGELES, Tuesday, June 10, 1997. . .

MIKE: [hums DRAGNET theme]

> An intriguing new

CROW: ratings stunt!

> character will join the cast of UPN's popular series

TOM: They have one?
MIKE: _Moesha_.
TOM: Oh, yeah.

> "Star Trek:
> Voyager," it was announced today at the network's annual Affiliate
> Meeting by Mike Sullivan, president, entertainment, UPN.

TOM: He went on to say, "Frankly, we're desperate, and we'll do anything
to salvage this show short of hiring some actual writers."

> Actress Jeri Ryan portrays a striking, young female Borg,

MIKE: Man. They're not even bothering to *hide* the demographic they're
going for, are they?

> "Seven of Nine," who is

CROW: Hot. She's hot. That's all you viewers care about, isn't it?
TOM: They sure hope so.

> brought aboard the Federation starship when her ties to the Collective
> are severed.

MIKE: [stoner] "Wow, man... the 'rents kicked me out of the house. Can I
crash on your couch?"
CROW: [Janeway] "No, but I think we can realign the positive matrix of
the warp core and reinject the plasma ventriculators enough to
make a pretty comfy futon."
TOM: [shuddering] *Never* do that again.

> In making the announcement, Mr. Sullivan commented, "We feel that
> the new female Borg character will inject a dynamic energy

ALL: [coughing]

> into "Voyager" as it continues to boldly go

TOM: Into the ratings dumper.

> where no one has gone before."

MIKE: Next season, Janeway invents a scientific test for finding
witches.
CROW: While Torres has to reinstall the warp manifolds using only a
herring!

> Regarding the new character, the series creator and executive
> producer, Rick Berman, commented,

CROW: [Berman] "I've got my sweet production deal; I don't give a rat's
ass about quality any more!"

> "Seven of Nine' was a human
> assimilated by the Borg as a young girl, but once Captain Janeway
> severs her connections to the Collective, she is forced to stay on
> Voyager and adapt to human society.

ALL: [moans]
TOM: Oh, look: they're doing a new take on the holodoc's reinterpretation
of the issues explored by Odo and Hugh and Worf and Data and Spock.
CROW: Been there. Done that. Bought the four _TV Guide_ commemorative
covers. Put them in a cheap frame and sold them to a Trekkie for
a 400% profit.
MIKE: You have no shame.
CROW: Neither does Paramount.

> She should provide us with countless new storylines."

CROW: [Berman] "Ghod knows the writers haven't!"

> The unconventional character, "Seven of Nine,"

TOM: [Frank-N-Furter] "Good evening, my unconventional conventionalists!"
[the others applaud politely]

> will be introduced
> in the season premiere episode, "Scorpion, Part II." By the second
> episode of the season, "The Gift," the character will begin her
> transformation.

TOM: [very seriously] If she turns into a newt, I'm gonna kick somebody's
butt.

> Now detached from the Collective, she begins to take
> on a more human appearance, revealing a sensual creature

TOM: Mike? I'm frightened.
CROW: This is gonna be just like the _Baywatch Nights_ episode that was
a tribute to _Sliders_'s rip-off of _Species_, isn't it?

> neither fully

MIKE: clothed...

> Borg nor fully human. This unpredictable, alluring new series regular

TOM: Have we mentioned that she's hot?

> will prove a daily challenge to Captain Janeway and her crew as they
> try to help her rediscover humanity.

TOM: Of course, Paris has his *own* methods in mind. That wacky horndog!
CROW: [falsetto] "What is this human emotion you call love?"
MIKE: [Paris] "It's the best darn thing in the whole universe,
except for cough drops."

> Jeri Ryan is no stranger to the world of sci-fi. She is a former
> series regular on "Dark Skies."

MIKE: [singing] "All she said was 'Call me Juliet.'"
TOM: Whoo! Now *that's* obscure!

> In addition, she guest starred on
> "Melrose Place," "Murder, She Wrote," "Matlock"

CROW: [Grandpa Simpson] I'm old. I don't like anything but _Matlock_
-- hey, it's on now!

>and "Diagnosis Murder"

TOM: Wow! A Lee Goldberg connection!

> and appeared in the made-for-television movies "Nightmare in Columbia
> County" and "In the Line of Fire: Ambush in Waco." Her feature film
> credits include "The Last Man"

TOM: "He was the last man on earth. He was the last man on earth and he
howled. The hills, the valleys, the mountains and streams were his,
and he howled."
MIKE: That's bester than any reference we've made in this MiSTing.
CROW: And that pun was worster than any we've made, *ever.* Owch.

> and "Men Cry Bullets."

ALL: [guffaws]
CROW: Maybe in Texas, or in John Woo movies.

> A graduate of
> Northwestern University and a mother of a young son, Ms. Ryan

TOM: Is going to have harsh words with her agent shortly.

> splits
> her time between Los Angeles and Chicago where her husband, an
> investment banker, resides.
>
> "Star Trek: Voyager" stars Kate Mulgrew as

MIKE: The woefully incompetent, sorely misused...

> Captain Kathryn Janeway, Robert Beltran as

TOM: The beefy yet strangely magnetic...

> First Officer Chakotay, Roxann Dawson as

CROW: The T&A, lately.

> Chief Engineer B'Elanna Torres, Jennifer Lien as Kes,

MIKE: Not for long.
TOM: Run, Jennifer! Run while you can!

> Robert Duncan McNeill as Lt. Tom Paris,

MIKE: Who gives every crummy script the old college try.

> Ethan Phillips as Neelix,

TOM: Let it be said that I have nothing against Ethan Phillips personally,
and that I don't think he's a horrible actor. You guys get that?
MIKE: Yeah.
CROW: Loud and clear.
TOM: Good. [beat] ARRRGHH!!! I hate Neelix! Kill him! Killhimkillhim
killhim! Gouge out his eyes with a cattle prod, pull out his
intestines through his nostrils, hack him to little bits with a pair
of really dull scissors, break his fingers, pull out his nails,
hobble him, break him on the wheel or the rack or under Chinese
Water Torture, tie him to a chair and set Lawrence Olivier on his
teeth, put him through re-entry without a ship, throw him into a
warp core... ANYTHING. Just wax him! Turn him into a grease spot
with sideburns! Make him dead, dead, DEAD!
CROW: Seconded.
MIKE: Thirded. [beat] You okay, Tom?
TOM: [who is still shaking with rage] Yeah. I just hate Neelix.
CROW: We know.

> Robert Picardo as The Doctor,

ALL: [applause]
MIKE: Above and beyond the call of duty. Why he doesn't cut and run is
beyond me.
CROW: My money says they've got him chained to the soundstage.

> Tim Russ as Tactical/Security Officer Tuvok,

CROW: [Russ] "This is not logical."
TOM: [heartily] "Great delivery! Just like that when we shoot."
CROW: [Russ] "I was referring to the script."

> Garrett Wang as Ops/Com Officer Harry Kim

MIKE: Spank me, Harry!
CROW: And me!
TOM: And me!
GYPSY: [who has entered unnoticed at the far left] AND ME!

Gypsy exits.

TOM: Um... guys, what was that?
CROW: There are some things about Gypsy that I don't want to know.

> and Jeri Ryan as Seven of Nine.

TOM: To reiterate the major point of this press release: she's hot.
MIKE: We repeat, she's hot.
CROW: Very alluring, ya.

> Rick Berman and Jeri Taylor are the executive producers. The
> series, based on "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry, was created
> by Rick Berman, Jeri Taylor and Michael Piller. "Star Trek: Voyager"
> is a production of Paramount Network Television for broadcast on UPN.
> The Paramount Station Group is part of the entertainment operations of
> Viacom, Inc.

CROW: And once again: the new Borg is *hot!*

[They get up]

[Through the doors]

[Back on the bridge of the Satellite of Love]

CROW: Well. That was certainly... er, something.
MIKE: It's not all bad. Maybe she'll be... you know, really hot.
TOM: So alluring that we don't notice the problems with the scripts?
MIKE: I guess that's the idea.
CROW: Nothing ensures success in SFTV like gorgeous women. Remember
how much the fans loved "Favorite Son," and "He Who Is Without
Sin," and the second season of _SeaQuest_?
TOM: And the replacement of John Rhys-Davies with Kari Wuhrer really
helped _Sliders_'s popularity. Face it, Mike, they could
cast Joan Chen, Jamie Lee Curtis, Nicole Kidman and the Creepy
Girl; _Voyager_ would *still* be lame.
MIKE: I guess you're right... but it's kind of depressing. Yeah,
TOS had lots of skimpy costumes, but they didn't rely on
them to keep the viewers watching.
CROW: I really wonder how they decided to pile on the T&A. You think
they had a meeting about it?
MIKE: Probably. I wonder what it was like...
TOM: I think I know.
MIKE: Start us off, then.
TOM: Okay. Just a second.

Tom exits. He re-enters immediately in suit and tie.

TOM: Ahem. Mesdames et messieurs, ladies and gentlemen, and producers --
it is with the deepest urgency that I assemble you tonight, to
discuss a matter of great importance to us all: how to inflate
our sagging ratings.

[ Suddenly music, namely "Be Our Guest" from Disney's _Beauty and the
Beast_, swells. Cambot zooms in on Tom, who begins to sing:]

TOM: We... need... breasts, we need breasts
to allure and to impress;
to be bouncing in an epic -- dare I say it? -- jiggle-fest!
Our stories -- they're not gripping;
so our fan base has been slipping
and the suits are growing frantic, 'cause they need the demographic
males eighteen to thirty-four -- they're not watching? Let's show more!
Start an endless cavalcade of female flesh.
They'll tune in every night if the costumes are tight
to see some breasts, see some breasts, see some breasts.

[ Cambot pulls back, revealing Crow and Mike -- both clad in suits and
ties. Crow is bobbing his head in time, and then begins to sing.]

CROW: Skimpy clothes, negligees,
push-up bras and bustiers;
bosoms bare will swell our share and make our Neilsen ratings raise;
Bosoms big, bosoms small, but huge breasts are best of all
Our show will be better rated if the cast is well-inflated!
Push 'em up, push 'em out --
What's the fans' big fuss about?
Don't they want the show to be a big success?
So the script's sub-par -- hey, it's got Pon Farr!
If you're stressed, you're repressed
and you don't like heaving chests;
but we love breasts; we need breasts; show some breasts.

TOM: [mournfully]
Our ratings should be bitchin', but we can't beat the competition;
though we used to lead the Neilsens with aplomb.
TNG once was king of syndication;
on UPN, _Star Trek_'s almost a bomb.
DS9 is going; to keep the cash cow's green milk flowing
we have to boost the new show's ratings some damn way.
And from on high there came the revelation:
[peppy again]
if you want the Neilsen rank up, put Kate Mulgrew in a tank top!

MIKE: Lots of breasts, lots of breasts
-- heck, why bother with the rest?
just appeal with fervent zeal to the old infantile complex.
We need tits, we need ass
write good scripts? -- nah, that won't pass!
To increase the Neilsen talley, shoot on location: Silicone Valley.
Screw the fans; they're too snide -- just buy space in _TV Guide_;
turn the show into a titillation-fest.
Publicize that, too (five covers ought to do)
and show some breasts, lots of breasts, heaving breasts.

[Cambot zooms in on Tom again; Mike and Crow vanish from our POV.]

TOM: Here's to breasts, here's to breasts
may they lead us to success
Because our jobs are on the line and we're becoming mighty stressed.
So each day we tell our chiders
this stuff really worked for _Sliders_
as we cater to the fevered lust for breasts un-cantilevered...

[ Cambot pulls back, revealing Mike and Crow wearing padded bras. They
make feeble attempts to high kick in unison. It isn't pretty.]

TOM: Tit by tit, bun by bun
'till we're back to number one
But until then with the ratings we're obsessed.
If things get more unglued...
why, then we'll just film nude!
Come on, breasts; save us, breasts; here's to breasts!
Oh, please, see our breasts!

Streamers fall from the ceiling. Crow gives one last attempt at a high
kick and falls over. Mike's falsies spill out onto the countertop.

MIKE: [breathing heavily] I gotta say it -- what do you think, sirs and
madam?

[On the Borg ship]

PEARL: Nice song, Mike, but Manischewitz Passover wine has a better
kick than you. Keep practicing. [to the Borg] Well, thanks
for the backrub, sixty of nine, but I've got to be going.
How do I unplug Bobo and the Observer?
BORG: You do not. Backrubs are irrelevant. You will be assimilated.
PEARL: Sorry, hon. Fear of committment. [She unplugs Bobo and the
Observer, who stagger to their feet.]
BORG: Committment is irrelevant. You will be assimilated.
PEARL: Finally, a man who understands how I feel about relationships! [to
Bobo and the Observer] Come on, you two.

[SOL]

TOM: Unreal. Do you think they'll actually get away?
CROW: Maybe they'll get to their ship. But it ain't going far.
MIKE: Bet you a RAM chip.
CROW: Oh, you are *so* on.
TOM: Can I have a piece of that? I'm with Mike.
CROW: Suckers. I can taste those RAM chips already.

[Space]

The VW flies out of the Borg cube.

[On board the VW]

PEARL: That's strange. We shouldn't be accelerating this quickly. We've
lost mass somehow...
BOBO: Um... madam, I don't mean to intrude, but... I thought it would be
best to lighten the ship, so we could leave as quickly as possible...
so I left some of our nukes on the Borg cube.
PEARL: Nukes? How many nukes?
BOBO: Well... twenty. But they were only teeny little A-bombs, honest!
PEARL: Oh, very uplifting. Let's make space tracks!

[ EXT. - SPACE: The VW races away from the Borg cube, which explodes]

[The SOL]

The crew is staring slackjawed.

CROW: The Borg. Poor, trusting fools.
TOM: We should've warned 'em.
MIKE: Two RAM chips, Crow. Pay up.

[The VW]

PEARL: Nice job, Bobo. Real nice. As a reward, you get to push that
button.
BOBO: Oh! Oh, thank you, madam! [He presses it; the picture zaps out.]
That was fun!

We hear him press the button again; the picture comes back. He presses
the button several more times, causing the picture to flicker on and off:
VW, black, VW, black... etc. The last time he pushes it, we hear
a terrible WHACK. The picture stays off.

BOBO: [sullenly] Ow.
PEARL: Shut up, Bobo.

Credits:

Original post: a Paramount press release, written by some nameless flunky,
courteously posted by Lee Whiteside. MiSTing by David Hines, with one
joke shamelessly ripped off from Mike Barklage. All ruthless personal
attacks are meant in good clean fun, and I want to make special mention
of the fact that I feel very, very, very sorry for the cast of _Voyager_,
all of whom deserve better. (Jeri Ryan has no clue what she's
getting into, poor woman.)


--------------------------------------------------------------------
| David Hines d-h...@uchicago.edu |
| http://student-www.uchicago.edu/users/dzhines |
====================================================================

> Now detached from the Collective, she begins to take on
> a more human appearance, revealing a sensual creature neither fully
> Borg nor fully human. This unpredictable, alluring new series regular
> will prove a daily challenge to Captain Janeway and her crew as they
> try to help her rediscover humanity.

Jamie Plummer jcp9j SPAM BLOCK @ virginia.edu
[I've finally given up. My address is no longer in USENET headers. Damn spam.]
http://wsrv.clas.virginia.edu/~jcp9j
"I am NOT Montel Williams!" -- Det. Munch

Jamie Plummer

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Sep 8, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/8/97
to

In article <EG7Dw...@midway.uchicago.edu>,
dzh...@midway.uchicago.edu (David Hines) wrote:


>
>In article <EG746...@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU>, Jamie Plummer wrote:
>> Hines prefers the etymologically unsure "MiSTed" to the
>> proper "MSTed."
>

>Hey, I discovered *Ratliff.* I'm entitled to spell it any way I *want.*
>

You say that as if discovering Ratliff was a *good* thing.
(BTW, how the hell did you that?)

Thomas McCambley

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Sep 8, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/8/97
to


(to...@fred.net) writes:
> Someone asked for David Hines' MSTing of the Voyager Press Release with
> the brilliant filk "We Need Breasts". Did someone save it to a site?

No but I saved it to a hard drive. :-) Here it is.

[Door sequence]

[They enter the theater]

MIKE: [hums DRAGNET theme]

> An intriguing new

CROW: ratings stunt!

ALL: [coughing]

> neither fully

MIKE: clothed...

>and "Diagnosis Murder"

> and "Men Cry Bullets."

CROW: The T&A, lately.

> Ethan Phillips as Neelix,

Gypsy exits.

[They get up]

[Through the doors]

[On the Borg ship]

[SOL]

[Space]

[On board the VW]

[The SOL]

[The VW]

Credits:

--
"A lot of goofing around, laughter, hanging out, and BSing, big
political arguments usually involving me (moderate to left), Jerry
(slightly to the right of Attila the Hun), and Jason (acting representative
from Mars)." --JMS describing lunch time on the Babylon 5 set
-------------------------------
h=HELP, q=quit, c=contribute(post), f=follow-up(post), r=reply(email)
--
at...@freenet.carleton.ca -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= mcca...@algonquinc.on.ca
Tom McCambley B.Sc (Hons) NCF Babylon 5/Star Wars SIG Guru <*>
Babylon 5 "Zen and the Art of Procrastination" Whovian
Fan at large http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~at850/index.html Gearhead

David Hines

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Sep 8, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/8/97
to

In article <EG746...@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU>, Jamie Plummer wrote:

> Hines prefers the etymologically unsure "MiSTed" to the
> proper "MSTed."

Hey, I discovered *Ratliff.* I'm entitled to spell it any way I *want.*

Humph. Young whippersnapper.

(Just saw a post from juliewa... wow, it's *really* like old times here.)

Stephen Ratliff

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Sep 9, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/9/97
to

David Hines (dzh...@midway.uchicago.edu) wrote:
:
: In article <EG746...@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU>, Jamie Plummer wrote:
: > Hines prefers the etymologically unsure "MiSTed" to the
: > proper "MSTed."
:
: Hey, I discovered *Ratliff.* I'm entitled to spell it any way I *want.*

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, he is entitled. After all he read and re-read
my first attempts a posting and found new and exciting ways to comment
on them (ironically, no one told me that I had problems with my works
until 2 years later... by then it was too late. Remember, if you all
had spoken up, I probably would have stopped after Cadet Cruise)

:
: Humph. Young whippersnapper.

What do they teach at these schools now days ...

Stephen Ratliff, who looking back, pities those who read the first
versions of his first five works, and anyone who read Time Speeder.
--
Stephen Ratliff CS Major, Radford University.
srat...@runet.edu Radford, Virginia 24142-7496
rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc's polite target. Marrissa Stories Author
http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/
FAQ Maintainer for alt.startrek.creative FAQs/
Index Maintainer as well index/
http://aviary.share.net/~alara/

"We better get use to living in the here and now"
- Captain Racheal Garrett, ST:TNG "Yesterday's Enterprise

David Hines

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Sep 9, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/9/97
to

In article <EG7Dw...@midway.uchicago.edu>,
dzh...@midway.uchicago.edu (David Hines) wrote:
>>
>>Hey, I discovered *Ratliff.*

In article <EG7pM...@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU>,


Jamie "Yoda" Plummer <jcp9j!@virginia.edu> wrote:
>
>You say that as if discovering Ratliff was a *good* thing.
>(BTW, how the hell did you that?)

Easy.

1) Read alt.startrek.creative.
2) Find someone nobody else could *stand* to MiST.
3) Suffer.

David Hines

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Sep 9, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/9/97
to

In article <5v23ln$q...@newslink.runet.edu>,
Stephen Ratliff <srat...@runet.edu> wrote:
>[. . .] if you all

>had spoken up, I probably would have stopped after Cadet Cruise)

Oh, *great.* NOW he tells us.

(BTW, Steve, if you're still looking for potables, I'll be happy to
buy you something some time. After all, it's the least I can do
for you in exchange for your giving me countless hours of... um,
torment.)

to...@fred.net

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Sep 9, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/9/97
to

David Hines (dzh...@midway.uchicago.edu) wrote:
: In article <5v23ln$q...@newslink.runet.edu>,

: Stephen Ratliff <srat...@runet.edu> wrote:
: >[. . .] if you all
: >had spoken up, I probably would have stopped after Cadet Cruise)
:
: Oh, *great.* NOW he tells us.

BTW, Thanks for posting, but I *already* looked in Altavista and Dejanews
and couldn't find it. It was actually a request from another Usenet group
(sigh....)

--
To...@Fred.Net
http://www.fred.net/tomr
"Yes, the sweeping majesty of young white Republican love."

- "Horror of Party Beach", MST3K #817

Jonah13NYC

unread,
Sep 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/11/97
to

>>Someone asked for David Hines' MSTing of the Voyager Press Release with
>>the brilliant filk "We Need Breasts". Did someone save it to a site?

So, when are WE, as a NATION OF MSTies, DEMAND Sci-Fi Net and BBI do "Mars
Needs Women"?

I don't think Larry Buchanan has fully gotten his just desserts for "Free,
White and 21" and other shlock films. And you can't insult Tommy Kirk
enough times.


Jonah Falcon
http://members.aol.com/jonah13nyc/index.html (try it! you'll like it!)


jon...@nycnet.com
jonah...@aol.com

Mike Sphar

unread,
Sep 12, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/12/97
to

I gotta admit, the "We Need Breasts" song is hilarious. Mercifully, I've
never seen Beauty & the Beast, so instead I imagined it to the tune of "See
My Vest", another hilarious song.


Speaking of B&tB, I saw a commercial for some new B&tB Christmas video or
something. All I have to say to that is: BUT I THOUGHT HE WASN'T A BEAST
ANYMORE!!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mikey "Dreamy" Sphar MSTie# 24294 mi...@matches.com
Sun-certified Solaris 2.X Administrator - Microsoft-certified NT Specialist
Pub-certified Beer Enthusiast
http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Sands/5882

TCurryFan

unread,
Sep 12, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/12/97
to

"mi...@matches.com (Mike Sphar)" said:

>I gotta admit, the "We Need Breasts" song is hilarious.
>Mercifully, I've never seen Beauty & the Beast, so instead I
>imagined it to the tune of "See My Vest", another hilarious song.

B&tB was done back when Disney was still making good movies (_Toy_Story_
was the last of those, IMO). I think it's an awesome movie, myself.

>Speaking of B&tB, I saw a commercial for some new B&tB
>Christmas video or something. All I have to say to that is: BUT I
>THOUGHT HE WASN'T A BEAST ANYMORE!!!!

He's not. They're making another B&tB movie? Oh, God...
B&tB was good, but it has no need for a sequel, nor should it have one.

"For cryin' out loud... EACH... OF... YOU... WILL... ENTER... A...
SPACE... CAPSULE!!"
-Tom Servo, _Mystery_Science_Theater_3000_, "Prince of Space"
Catherine Johnson ---------- MiSTie #75,125 ---------- TCur...@aol.com

RWlkrSmith

unread,
Sep 13, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/13/97
to

Mikey said

>>I gotta admit, the "We Need Breasts" song is hilarious.
<snippety-snip>
I printed that puppy out and passed it around to
netless friends.
Now that 7 o' 9 is actually on the air, the humor takes on
a chilling, gallows feel.

"Did we mention she's *hot*?"

Mike Barklage

unread,
Sep 13, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/13/97
to

tcur...@aol.com (TCurryFan) writes:

>B&tB was done back when Disney was still making good movies (_Toy_Story_
>was the last of those, IMO).

And, of course, _Toy Story_ wasn't Disney. It was Pixar, which Disney
bought and provided distribution and marketing for the movie.

Pixar's next movie, _Bugs_, is coming soon, but I'm not sure when.


Mike Barklage

bark...@ucsu.colorado.edu -- MSTie #19634 -- http://rtt.colorado.edu/~barklage
"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."
-- Mark Twain

A,A,M&K

unread,
Sep 15, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/15/97
to

On 12 Sep 1997 07:49:12 GMT, tcur...@aol.com (TCurryFan) wrote:

>"mi...@matches.com (Mike Sphar)" said:
>
>>I gotta admit, the "We Need Breasts" song is hilarious.

>>Mercifully, I've never seen Beauty & the Beast, so instead I
>>imagined it to the tune of "See My Vest", another hilarious song.
>

>B&tB was done back when Disney was still making good movies (_Toy_Story_

>was the last of those, IMO). I think it's an awesome movie, myself.
>

("I'll snip." "No, I'm sorry, there's no time.")

Actually, "Hercules" was pretty good, better than the commercials made
it seem. "Anistasia" sounds good, too. But, as always, YMMV.

>"For cryin' out loud... EACH... OF... YOU... WILL... ENTER... A...
>SPACE... CAPSULE!!"
> -Tom Servo, _Mystery_Science_Theater_3000_, "Prince of Space"
>Catherine Johnson ---------- MiSTie #75,125 ---------- TCur...@aol.com

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" Perron vs. Ermac-FIGHT!

TCurryFan

unread,
Sep 15, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/15/97
to

"aam...@snip.net (A,A,M&K)" said:

>On 12 Sep 1997 07:49:12 GMT, tcur...@aol.com (TCurryFan)
> wrote:
>
>>"mi...@matches.com (Mike Sphar)" said:
>>
>>>I gotta admit, the "We Need Breasts" song is hilarious.
>>>Mercifully, I've never seen Beauty & the Beast, so instead I
>>>imagined it to the tune of "See My Vest", another hilarious
>>>song.
>>
>>B&tB was done back when Disney was still making good movies
>>(_Toy_Story_ was the last of those, IMO). I think it's an
>>awesome movie, myself.
>

>Actually, "Hercules" was pretty good, better than the commercials
>made it seem.

Ok. I haven't seen it.

>"Anistasia" sounds good, too. But, as always, YMMV.

Ok. But _Anastasia_ is a FOX production, not Disney.

Mike Sphar

unread,
Sep 15, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/15/97
to

Did Ancient Astronauts named bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Mike Barklage)
once write the following? Read the book:

>And, of course, _Toy Story_ wasn't Disney. It was Pixar, which Disney
>bought and provided distribution and marketing for the movie.
>
>Pixar's next movie, _Bugs_, is coming soon, but I'm not sure when.

I wonder how long Pixar will last before it's affiliation with Steve Jobs
seals its doom.

Carl Burke

unread,
Sep 15, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/15/97
to

RWlkrSmith wrote:
...


> Now that 7 o' 9 is actually on the air, the humor takes on
> a chilling, gallows feel.
>
> "Did we mention she's *hot*?"

Too little, too late to save Voyager.
The ratings show that nobody really cares anymore.

But based on the picture in TV Guide, she _is_ hot.
Guess they felt the need to keep babe parity with Kes leaving.

--
Barcode, waiting eagerly for new B5

--------------------------------------------------
Carl Burke, cbu...@mitre.org -- Morde me, iuvat
My opinions are mine and mine alone, unless you
agree with them. Then I'll share.
--------------------------------------------------

Brian E Clough

unread,
Sep 17, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/17/97
to

On Fri, 12 Sep 1997 07:29:21 GMT, mi...@matches.com (Mike Sphar)
wrote:

>I gotta admit, the "We Need Breasts" song is hilarious. Mercifully, I've
>never seen Beauty & the Beast, so instead I imagined it to the tune of "See
>My Vest", another hilarious song.
>


The thing that truly amazed me about the original "Be Our Guest" was
that it was sung by Jerry Orbach of Law & Order.

Still David's MSTing was one of the funniest thing I have ever read.
It holds a special place in the MST3K folder on my Hard Drive, right
along side the 1.3Mb wav of the Creepy Girl song.

Roger M. Wilcox

unread,
Sep 22, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/22/97
to

In article <341D84...@mitre.org>,
Carl Burke <cbu...@mitre.org> wrote:
>
[ re: everybody's favorite Borg of nine]

>
> But based on the picture in TV Guide, she _is_ hot.
> Guess they felt the need to keep babe parity with Kes leaving.

First the Borg Queen in _First Contact_, now 7-of-9 on _Voyager_.

I gotta ask: Do ALL female Borg _saunter_?!


> --
> Barcode, waiting eagerly for new B5

Do they know who's replacing Claudia Christian yet?


--
rog...@ix.netcom.com (Roger M. Wilcox) -- without prejudice UCC 1-207
Unlawful to use this email address for unsolicited ads: 47 USC 227
MSTie #38808 | http://www.netcom.com/~rogermw ... now in new EXTRA bold!
<*> | "The truth, as always, is more complicated than that."

-------------------==== Posted via Deja News ====-----------------------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Post to Usenet

Roger M. Wilcox

unread,
Sep 22, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/22/97
to

In article <barklage....@ucsu.Colorado.EDU>,

bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Mike Barklage) wrote:
>
> Pixar's next movie, _Bugs_, is coming soon, but I'm not sure when.

_Bugs_?

Sounds like _Starship Troopers_.


Roger M. "The Heinlein novel, not the movie" Wilcox

Roger M. Wilcox

unread,
Sep 22, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/22/97
to

In article <341c7d48...@news.snip.net>,

aam...@snip.net (A,A,M&K) wrote:
>
> On 12 Sep 1997 07:49:12 GMT, tcur...@aol.com (TCurryFan) wrote:
> >
> >B&tB was done back when Disney was still making good movies (_Toy_Story_
> >was the last of those, IMO). I think it's an awesome movie, myself.
>
> Actually, "Hercules" was pretty good, better than the commercials made
> it seem.


IN THE REAL HERACLES MYTH
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

*) The Titans were merely the generation of immortals that preceded
the Gods. The Chief Titan was named Cronos (his Roman name was Saturn).
He got dethroned (and in some myths castrated) by his son Zeus, and
never ever resurfaced.

*) Hades (a.k.a. Pluto) was indeed the god of the Underworld, but he
never had any aspirations to dethrone Zeus. (Not any more than any
of the other gods had, anyway.)

*) Zeus and Hera were essentially an arranged marriage. *She* was the
Goddess of Fidelity, and *he* was an incredibly promiscuous Chief God.

*) Heracles's natural mother was Alcmena, a mortal woman whom Zeus
got it on with. (To sneak past Hera's suspicious eyes, he disguised
himself as a golden shower [no, really] when he went down to Earth.)
Hence, Heracles was literally a demi-god -- one parent was a god, the
other was a human being.

*) Hera eventually found out that Heracles was Zeus's son, and became
responsible for most of the hardships Heracles had to endure during
his lifetime.

*) Heracles' first wife was Megara. One day, he mistook her and their
3 children for wild animals and killed them all.

*) Heracles sired no less than 52 children from 50 women.

*) In the end, Heracles was killed by a poisoned shirt sent from Nessus.
Just before he died, Heracles angrily hurled the shirt-delivery-boy
off a cliff.


IN DISNEY'S _HERCULES_
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

*) The Titans were Evil Creatures [TM] vanquished by the heroic hand
of Zeus.

*) Zeus and Hera were happily married without a care in the world. Hera
was Hercules' natural mother. Zeus never so much as looked at another
woman.

*) Hades got confused with Satan somehow, with the power to buy "souls"
and the desire to overthrow the Ruler of Heaven-- er, Olympus.

*) Hercules' demi-godhood was bestowed by a Potion of Remove Godhood.
He had to do something "truly heroic" to get his full godhood back.

*) Alcmena Kent and Jonathan Kent found little baby Hercules in a wheat
field where his rocketship crashed to Earth, after narrowly escaping
the destruction of his home planet Krypton.

*) Hercules was a one-woman kind of guy, who never ever mistook women
and children for wild animals.

Norb

unread,
Sep 23, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/23/97
to

In the margins of Bullfinch's,

rog...@ix.netcom.com (Roger M. Wilcox) writes:

> *) Heracles's natural mother was Alcmena, a mortal woman whom Zeus
> got it on with. (To sneak past Hera's suspicious eyes, he disguised
> himself as a golden shower [no, really] when he went down to Earth.)
> Hence, Heracles was literally a demi-god -- one parent was a god, the
> other was a human being.

Right god, wrong fling. Zeus appeared as a golden shower to Perseus'
mother, if I remember correctly (yeah, it only seems weird now that I
think about it). To get in good with Heracles' mother, he turned into
an exact duplicate of her husband, like that janitor on "The X-Files".

Norb
Except that Hercules turned out really strong and stuff, instead of
having a tail. If you've got to be the bastard of a shape-shifting
philanderer, go with the King of the Gods rather than Darin Morgan.

A,A,M&K

unread,
Sep 23, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/23/97
to

On Mon, 22 Sep 1997 18:11:12 -0600, rog...@ix.netcom.com (Roger M.
Wilcox) wrote:

>In article <341c7d48...@news.snip.net>,
> aam...@snip.net (A,A,M&K) wrote:
>>
>> On 12 Sep 1997 07:49:12 GMT, tcur...@aol.com (TCurryFan) wrote:
>> >
>> >B&tB was done back when Disney was still making good movies (_Toy_Story_
>> >was the last of those, IMO). I think it's an awesome movie, myself.
>>
>> Actually, "Hercules" was pretty good, better than the commercials made
>> it seem.
>
>

(snippage of myth correction)

Yeah, I know. But it really wasn't that bad, considering. The worst
parts were the Titans and the whole Hades-as-bad-guy thing. It was
actually a pretty good story. But as always, YMMV.

>
>
>--
>rog...@ix.netcom.com (Roger M. Wilcox) -- without prejudice UCC 1-207
>Unlawful to use this email address for unsolicited ads: 47 USC 227
>MSTie #38808 | http://www.netcom.com/~rogermw ... now in new EXTRA bold!
> <*> | "The truth, as always, is more complicated than that."
>
>-------------------==== Posted via Deja News ====-----------------------
> http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Post to Usenet

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" Perron as NO .SIG CLIPPING MAN.

Roger M. Wilcox

unread,
Sep 23, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/23/97
to

In article <607c99$bv8$1...@sun5.vassar.edu>,

No...@vassar.edu (Norb) wrote:
>
> In the margins of Bullfinch's,
> rog...@ix.netcom.com (Roger M. Wilcox) writes:
>
> > *) Heracles's natural mother was Alcmena, a mortal woman whom Zeus
> > got it on with. (To sneak past Hera's suspicious eyes, he disguised
> > himself as a golden shower [no, really] when he went down to Earth.)
>
> Right god, wrong fling. Zeus appeared as a golden shower to Perseus'
> mother, if I remember correctly (yeah, it only seems weird now that I
> think about it). To get in good with Heracles' mother, he turned into
> an exact duplicate of her husband, like that janitor on "The X-Files".

Really?
Drat.
My consarned Dictionary of Classical Mythology musta got it wrong.

Whose mother was it that Zeus seduced by turning into a bull?


Roger M. Wilcox, reminding you of the wisdom of Tom Lehrer, who said
there is nothing so frightening as facing down half
a ton of angry pot-roast.


--
rog...@ix.netcom.com (Roger M. Wilcox) -- without prejudice UCC 1-207

I'm not flying fast, just orbiting low. Oh, and I'm sodium.

David P Benjamin

unread,
Sep 23, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/23/97
to

Roger M. Wilcox (rog...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:

: > --


: > Barcode, waiting eagerly for new B5

: Do they know who's replacing Claudia Christian yet?

Tracy Scoggins, formerly Cat on _Lois and Clark_
IMHO, it's a net gain. And I liked Christian.

--
David
http://www.duc.auburn.edu/~benjadp

Spam reported to ISPs and/or US Fraud hotline. Inquire within.

Mandy Shekleton

unread,
Sep 23, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/23/97
to

Norb wrote:
...

> Right god, wrong fling. Zeus appeared as a golden shower to Perseus'
> mother, if I remember correctly (yeah, it only seems weird now that I
> think about it). To get in good with Heracles' mother, he turned into
> an exact duplicate of her husband, like that janitor on "The X-Files".

'Did he have a lightsaber?' I love 'Small Potatoes' to death...

>
> Norb
> Except that Hercules turned out really strong and stuff, instead of
> having a tail. If you've got to be the bastard of a shape-shifting
> philanderer, go with the King of the Gods rather than Darin Morgan.

Well, I don't know about *that*...ya gotta admit, Darin's pretty cool.
:}

Pepper, was in love with him WAY before he won an Emmy.
--
http://members.tripod.com/~feuilly/ yes, it's a homepage... roo hay!
"Me? Who's me? Who - me? Is me meant to reply?" _Martin Guerre_
"Without obsession, life is nothing." John Waters
MST#74493 * COG45 * <psy<cho<tic * Personal Idols Defense Ninja Squad

Chris Gleason

unread,
Sep 23, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/23/97
to

Roger M. Wilcox wrote in article <8750411...@dejanews.com>...

[ALA-KA-ZOT]

>Really?
>Drat.
>My consarned Dictionary of Classical Mythology musta got it wrong.
>
>Whose mother was it that Zeus seduced by turning into a bull?

The Minotaur.

Mino=King Minos
taur=bull

>Roger M. Wilcox, reminding you of the wisdom of Tom Lehrer, who said
> there is nothing so frightening as facing down half
> a ton of angry pot-roast.

Them's words to live by!

=================================================
But I prefer "Never pet a flaming dog.",

Chris Gleason -- The Best Kisser in the Universe!
Baseball fiend, game show junkie, doughy guy.

MSTie #66772 chris...@aol.com

CHECK OUT MY E-COLUMN!
http://members.aol.com/chrisglson/sftg.html


Norb

unread,
Sep 23, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/23/97
to

In article <8750411...@dejanews.com>

rog...@ix.netcom.com (Roger M. Wilcox) writes:

> Really?
> Drat.
> My consarned Dictionary of Classical Mythology musta got it wrong.
>
> Whose mother was it that Zeus seduced by turning into a bull?


I dunno. Europa, I think. It's so hard to keep them all straight.
For a while there, you couldn't walk down Athens without running into
another bastard of Zeus.
Now, of course, he can't get a date for New Year's. Even the Feynman
line doesn't work anymore. . . and "My name is Zeus, Lord of Heaven.
Would you like to have sex?" used to be failsafe.

Norb

Norb

unread,
Sep 23, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/23/97
to

In chapter three of "The Caligari Candidate",
Mandy Shekleton <feu...@mindless.com> writes:

>
> 'Did he have a lightsaber?' I love 'Small Potatoes' to death...

"No, but he sang to me . . ." I've got it on tape now. Watched it in
the dorm TV room Sunday night and scared everyone by laughing
hysterically and shouting, "Go for it, Eddie! Score!"

>
> >
> > Norb
> > Except that Hercules turned out really strong and stuff, instead of
> > having a tail. If you've got to be the bastard of a shape-shifting
> > philanderer, go with the King of the Gods rather than Darin Morgan.
>
> Well, I don't know about *that*...ya gotta admit, Darin's pretty cool.
> :}

A vast understatement. The episodes he appears in are a treat, but
the episodes he _wrote_ are hour-long strings of wonderful lines.
"I've seen the future, and it looks just like *him*!" "Of all the
possible ways to die, I think autoerotic aphyxiation must be the most
humiliating." "We've learned you used to be a dog-faced boy." "It's
funny you should say that, because I always wanted a peg leg." "You
don't play Dungeons and Dragons for as long as I have without learning
a thing or two about courage." "Bleep."
The thing is, I don't even much like the show. Just those half-dozen
episodes.


>
> Pepper, was in love with him WAY before he won an Emmy.

Right on! Let's see if we can get our hands on those "Small Potatoes"
outtakes . . . or am I just being weird now?

Mandy Shekleton

unread,
Sep 24, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/24/97
to

Norb wrote:
> In chapter three of "The Caligari Candidate",
> Mandy Shekleton <feu...@mindless.com> writes:
>
> >
> > 'Did he have a lightsaber?' I love 'Small Potatoes' to death...
>
> "No, but he sang to me . . ." I've got it on tape now. Watched it in
> the dorm TV room Sunday night and scared everyone by laughing
> hysterically and shouting, "Go for it, Eddie! Score!"

'Da daaah da da da daaah daah...' Just about fell out of my chair, then.

> > > Norb
> > > Except that Hercules turned out really strong and stuff, instead of
> > > having a tail. If you've got to be the bastard of a shape-shifting
> > > philanderer, go with the King of the Gods rather than Darin Morgan.
> >
> > Well, I don't know about *that*...ya gotta admit, Darin's pretty cool.
> > :}
>
> A vast understatement. The episodes he appears in are a treat, but
> the episodes he _wrote_ are hour-long strings of wonderful lines.
> "I've seen the future, and it looks just like *him*!" "Of all the
> possible ways to die, I think autoerotic aphyxiation must be the most
> humiliating." "We've learned you used to be a dog-faced boy." "It's
> funny you should say that, because I always wanted a peg leg." "You
> don't play Dungeons and Dragons for as long as I have without learning
> a thing or two about courage." "Bleep."
> The thing is, I don't even much like the show. Just those half-dozen
> episodes.

'Must've been something I ate...' 'This is not happening...this is not
happening...' and now I'm blanking. Oh, well.
I love almost every episode of XF (yes, even the stinky one with the
cult and Shane Vansen), but I love Darin's stuff MORE...

> > Pepper, was in love with him WAY before he won an Emmy.
>
> Right on! Let's see if we can get our hands on those "Small Potatoes"
> outtakes . . . or am I just being weird now?

Yeah! On both counts! We can be weird together! I'm really hyper! I'm
sleep-deprived! Woo-hoo!

Pepper

Mike Sphar

unread,
Sep 24, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/24/97
to

Did Ancient Astronauts named No...@vassar.edu (Norb) once write the
following? Read the book:

>> *) Heracles's natural mother was Alcmena, a mortal woman whom Zeus
>> got it on with. (To sneak past Hera's suspicious eyes, he disguised
>> himself as a golden shower [no, really] when he went down to Earth.)
>> Hence, Heracles was literally a demi-god -- one parent was a god, the
>> other was a human being.
>
> Right god, wrong fling. Zeus appeared as a golden shower to Perseus'
>mother, if I remember correctly (yeah, it only seems weird now that I
>think about it). To get in good with Heracles' mother, he turned into
>an exact duplicate of her husband, like that janitor on "The X-Files".

Or was that when he turned into a swan?

Gotta give a god credit, he certainly did get around.

Mike Sphar

unread,
Sep 24, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/24/97
to

Did Ancient Astronauts named Mandy Shekleton <feu...@mindless.com> once

write the following? Read the book:
>> Right god, wrong fling. Zeus appeared as a golden shower to Perseus'
>> mother, if I remember correctly (yeah, it only seems weird now that I
>> think about it). To get in good with Heracles' mother, he turned into
>> an exact duplicate of her husband, like that janitor on "The X-Files".
>
>'Did he have a lightsaber?' I love 'Small Potatoes' to death...

My favorite moments are when faux-Mulder finally enters Mulder's apartment
and plays the answering machine.

Mike Sphar

unread,
Sep 24, 1997, 3:00:00 AM9/24/97
to

Did Ancient Astronauts named rog...@ix.netcom.com (Roger M. Wilcox) once

write the following? Read the book:
>Whose mother was it that Zeus seduced by turning into a bull?

Is that the same woman that later fell in love with a bull and had--um, I
forget his name. The father of Icarus--anyway, she had the guy build a big
cow costume for her to climb in to...um...socialize...with the bull. Later
giving birth to the minotaur.

(And that's *just* where being a size queen will get you!)