MiSTing "The Odyssey" (pt.10 of 12)
Tjats
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>Scylla and Charybdis
>
Crow[realizing]: Servo, I was wondering what you meant by saying all those
Scylla and Charybdis jokes.
Servo: Me, too.
> But scarcely had that island faded in blue air than I saw smoke
Mike: ...coming from my ship and we all burned up and died.
All: Yaaaay!
>and white water, with sound of waves in tumult-
>a sound the men heard, and it terrified them.
Mike: No, no...[Yoda] Terrified them, it did.
>Oars flew from their hands; the blades went knocking
>wild alongside till the ship lost way,
Crow: Now, that whole sentence is just plain wrong!
>with no oar blades to drive her through the water.
Mike makes a car driving noise, imitating Odysseus' ship.
>
>Well, I walked up and down from bow to stern,
>trying to put heart into them, standing over
>every oarsman, saying gently,
Servo[threateningly]: YOU LOUSY WORMS CAN'T ROW WORTH A NICKEL! YOU SHOULD BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES! MY MOMMA COULD BEAT YOU IN A RACE ANY DAY, AND SHE'S
GOT APENDICIDIS!
Mike: That's enough, Tom.
>
>'Friends, have we never been in danger before this?
>More fearsome, is it now, than when the Cyclops
>penned us in his cave? What power he had!
>Did I not
Observer[as Odysseus]: cry like a baby and hide under the covers?
> keep my nerve, and use my wits
>to find a way out for us?
All: No.
>Now I say by hook or crook
All snicker.
>this peril tooo shal be
>something that we remember.
>Heads up, lads! We must obey the orders as I give them.
Crow: So, he has to follow his own orders as well as the crew?
Mike: That's what he said.
>Get the oar shafts in your hands, and lay back
>hard on your benches; hit these breaking seas.
Pearl: And what exactly are they afraid of, again?
>Zeus help us pull away before we founder.
>You at the tiller,
Servo[as tiler guy]: Who, me?
Crow[as Odysseus]: No, the floating pixy next to you. OF COURSE YOU!
> listen, and take in
>all that I say-
Bobo: Oh, he's a secretary.
> the rudders are your duty;
>keep her out of the combers and the smoke;
>steer for that headlaand; watch the drift, or we
>fetch up in the smother, and you drown us.'
Crow[as tiller guy]: Umm... eat the last cream puff, watch Ally McBeal. Got
it.
>
>That was all, and it brought them round to action.
Mike: Well, those that hadn't fallen asleap, anyway...
>But as I sent them on toward Scylla, I
>told them nothing, as they could do nothing.
Pearl: How about *rowing*?
>They would have dropped their
Crow: pants.
Tom and Bobo snicker.
> oars again, in panic,
>to roll for cover under the decking. Circe's
>bidding against arms had slipped my mind,
Crow: How conveeeeeeeeeeenient.
>so I tied on my cuirass and took up
Cbot1:>cuirass: armor for the upper body
Mike: Cambot, why don't you go and lay down or something, huh?
>two heavy spears, then made my way along
>to the foredeck-thinkig to see her first from there,
>the monster of the gray rock, harboring
>torment for my friends.
Mike: Oh, the monster is Pearl Forrister?
The 'Bots laugh, Pearl gets up and heads toward Mike.
Pearl: What was that?
Mike: Oh, hi. I forgot you were in here...
Pearl hits Mike in the jaw, and he falls down. Pearl goes back to her seat and
sits down.
> I strained my eyes
>upon the cliffside veiled in cloud, but nowhere
>could I catch sight of her.
>And all this time, in travail, sobbing, gaining on the current,
>we rowed into the strait-Scilla to port
>and on our starboard beam Charybdis, dire
>gorge of the salt-sea tide. By heavan! When she
>vomited, all the sea was like a cauldron
>seething over intense fire, whe the mixture
>suddenly heaves and rises.
Crow[as Charybdis, sick-like]: I'm sorry I have the flu.
>The shot spume soared to the landside heights, and fell like rain.
>
Observer: Just get to the part where you die already!
>But when she swallowed the sea water down
>we saw the funnel of the malestrom, heard
Cbot1:>malestrom: a large, violent whirlpool
Pearl: Cambot, if you dodn't stop it with those stupid definitions, I will rip
you apart and use the spare parts to build a one-time-use camera!
Cbot1:>fear: what I am currently experiencing
>the rock bellowing all around, and dark
>sand raged on the bottom far below.
>My men all blanched against the gloom, or eyes were fixed upon that yawning
mouth
All but Mike(who is still on the floor) yawn.
> in fear
>of being devoured.
>Then Scylla mad her strike, whicking six of my best men from the ship.
Bobo: Why do the bad guys always have to take the best men?
>I hapened to glance aft at ship aand oarsmen
>and caught sight of their arms and legs, dangling
>high overhead.
Mike gets up and sits down.
Mike: Ow... sorry, Pearl.
Crow: You okay, Mike?
Mike: Yeah, I'm fine.
> Voices came down to me
>in anguish, calling my name for the last time.
>
>A man surfcasting on a point of rock
>for bass or mackerel, whipping his long rod
>to drop the sinker and the bait far out,
>will hook a fish and rip it from the surface
>to dangle wriggling through the air:
All: Huh?
Pearl: What does this have to do with anything?
>so these were borne aloft in spasams toward the cliff.
>
Mike: Well, anyway, back to the story...
>She ate them as they shrieked there, in her den,
>in the dire grapple, reaching still for me-
>and deathly pity ran me through
>at that sight-far the worst I ever suffered,
>questing the passes of the strange sea.
>We rowed on. The Rocks were now behind;
Servo: Oops, accidentaly hit shift while typing rocks.
> Charbdis, too,
>and Scylla dropped astern. ...
Mike: Well, so much for that inaction sequence.
Pearl: Brain Guy, get us out of here right now!
Observer: Yes, madam.
Observer, Pearl and Bobo pop out, and Mike and the 'Bots leave the theater the
regular way.
(commercials)
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Hold on, only two more parts to go!(oh, and there's going to be a surprise in
the next part, too!)
Questions? Concerns? Comments? Complaints?
e-mail tj...@aol.com
I repost upon request.
Jim, the Mistie
"Watch out for Kevin Murphy's dog!" "The wolf is going to eat me! Yes, the
wolf is biting me! Ooh! Ow!"