Good Lighting Jokes
Keith Danby
-----------------------
Keith Danby
Markham, ON, Canada
da...@home.com
members.home.net/danby
-----------------------
BIHAST
Answer with a snap and flourish,
Zero, Actors don't do Tech.
JAH
Matthew Arata
-what's a lightbulb?
how many lighting techs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-it's not a lightbulb, its a lamp
...many variations of this joke
Christopher Jahn
>
> The infidel bih...@aol.com (BIHAST) said...
> >How many Actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
> >Answer with a snap and flourish,
> >Zero, Actors don't do Tech.
>
>
> Both of them.
>
How many Directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he keeps changing it, and changing it....
How many Local One electricians does it take to change a
light bulb?
Five. You got a problem wid dat?
--
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==============================================
}:-) Christopher Jahn
{:-( Dionysian Reveler
"Of course the game is rigged! But don't let that stop
you from playing - you can't win if you don't play!"
Robert A. Heinlein
David Brewer
Matthew Arata wrote in message <7dbtl7$759$1...@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu>...
>how many lighting techs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>-it's not a lightbulb, its a lamp
I thought we agreed it was a bubble!?!
Jeffrey E, Salzberg
A: Can't we use one of the bulbs we already have?
Q: How many dancers?
A: Doesn't matter; they won't be in their light anyway.
Ruth M. Helms
This has nothing to do with lightbulbs..
A stage Manager, a Sound Technician and a Lighting Designer find a
bottle in a corner of the theatre. One of them rubs it and a genie pops
out. "Since you all found me," he says "you each get one wish."
The Sound Technician steps up and says, "I'd like a million dollars and
three beautiful women." POOF! The Sound Tech is gone.
The Lighting Designer steps up and says, "Well, if he can have that, I'd
like TEN million dollars, and my own personal island with fifteen
beautiful women!" POOF! The Lighting Designer is gone.
The Stage Manager steps up and says, "I'd like them both back in ten
minutes."
bow...@interlog.com
How many union stewards does it take a lightbulb?
..16
how come 16?
why ..do you have a problem with that?
(delivered with a good union glare)
In article <iDcK2.1481$v4....@news.rdc1.on.wave.home.com>, "Keith Danby"
Karl Wagner
A. An actor who tried to change the lightbulb.
Q. How many directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. 3, no maybe 4... better make it 5.
Q. How many method actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. What's the lightbulb's motivation to change?
Q. How many stage managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Just change the damned thing!
...but the thread says 'good' lighting jokes so these may not qualify.
WCrain10
I don't know but could it be a Gas Lamp?
Pranav Shah
Leave my Bubble alone!! I enjoy it quite thourougly :-)
Pranav
--
Pranav Shah <pra...@feist.com>
http://www.feist.com/~pranav/
AIM: pdsclip
Qtb7272
how many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
nine...one to do it, and eight to stand around and say "i could do better than
that"
StatusCue
A sound tech can count up to two, a lighitng tech can only say "Next!"
A lighitng tech is loading in a show. God looks down from heaven and thinks
that he will have some fun. So with a swipe of his hand he takes away half the
techs intelligents. The lighting tech shakes his head looks around and
continues to do his work. God thinks this is odd so his swipes his hand once
more and takes half of the techs intelligents again. This time the lighting
tech stumbles back, but again goes right back to work. So God decides to cut
to the chase and takes away all the lighting techs intelligents. The lighting
tech falls over backwards, stands up, walks over to the microphone center
stage, and says"TWO, TWO, TA TWO"
Brian
"It's all about Lighting"
SMEJS
>I'm looking for some good lighting jokes. Anyone have any?
There are a lot of good ones at
http://www.nic.com/~porkchop/onstage
What do you call an electrician with a hammer?
Thief!
What do you call a carpenter working in a panel?
Dead!
What do you get when you make an electrician a carpenter?
A bad carpenter.
What do you get when you make a carpenter an electrician?
A dead carpenter.
There are SO MANY lightbulb jokes as we've already seen. Some of my favorites
(not already mentioned, I think):
How many lighting designers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. It's a carefully orchestrated blackout.
How many stage managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
I DON'T CARE--JUST DO IT!!!
[Okay, that one was said before, but being a stage manager, I had to include it
again.]
How many audience members does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to do it, one child to cry, and another to say, "ROSE, HE'S
CHANGING THE LIGHT BULB." [I might also add, one to crinkle a candy wrapper
and cough...]
---Erin
Michel Henry
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb ?
Only one, but the bulb really has to want to change.
Christopher Jahn wrote:
> Props wrote:
> >
> > The infidel bih...@aol.com (BIHAST) said...
> > >How many Actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
> > >Answer with a snap and flourish,
> > >Zero, Actors don't do Tech.
> >
> > How many straight actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
> >
> > Both of them.
> >
>
> How many Directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
> Only one, but he keeps changing it, and changing it....
>
> How many Local One electricians does it take to change a
> light bulb?
>
Christopher Jahn
>
> How do you know that sound techs are smarter than Lighting techs?
>
> A sound tech can count up to two, a lighitng tech can only say "Next!"
Why do sound techs only count to "two"?
becuase they think that on "Three" you have to lift
something.
--
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Jeff Scollon
A: Does it have to be a lightbulb?
RichKBerg
Years ago I was touring a small opera in South Florida as the M.E./L.D. I was
housed in South Beach in a run-down aparttment building with the rest of the
crew, and in a building right across a narrow alley the singers were housed.
This was a tour that played mostly schools during the day, so we were up early
on weekdays. For this reason sleeping in on the weekends was cherished by
myself and the rest of the crew. Not so, apparently, for the singers.
On Saturday mornings two of them would practice, full voice, starting at about
9am. As you can imagine this was very disturbing, waking us from our (usually)
liquer-induced slumber. After repeated pleas to not do this nothing happened -
they continued practicing early on weekends, answering with a smug "we are
practicing our art".
One night another follow and I decided it was our turn. Having gotten good and
liquered-up, we got a 1Kw leko, an adaptor, and a bunch of cable. We went to
the roof of our bulding around 2 in the morning, plugged the thing in, and
started shining it in the windows of the offending singers, madly flagging the
light to create a strobe effect. Eventually this woke them up (not to mention
freaked them out). Upon looking out the window to see what was going on, they
saw the two of us, grinning like idiots. After asking what the hell we were up
to, I simply looked at them and smiled, saying:
"We are practicing our art".
They stopped singing early weekend mornings.....
Richard Bergstresser
Project Manager
American Conservatory Theater, S.F., CA
www.act-sfbay.org
"If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be
homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts" - Kurt Vonnegut
Charlie Gibbs
A: None - they can never find the light.
--
cgi...@sky.bus.com (Charlie Gibbs)
Remove the first period after the "at" sign to reply.
Carl Zwanzig
that, when full-flooded, would pull the filament out through the envelope.
Or any fixture from "Joe Lewis Lighting". Or Ben Lust Theartical Supply. Or
an incandecent spot at a 140' throw. Or most Edkatron dimmers.
My current favorite: "I'm sure the TV people will think it's enough light."
(did some TV last week)
z!
--
Carl Zwanzig - Network manager & Systems janitor
InterTrust Technologies Corp
cpz"@"intertrust.com 408.222.6125
"What about my pickle?!?!?"
- R Rococo
Rigger
>>I'm looking for some good lighting jokes. Anyone have any?
Q: How many sound engineers does it take to change a lamp?
A: "Can't we just turn all the other ones up a bit?"
Q: How many radical feminist performance artists does it take?
A: Five. One to do it, and four to host a panel discussion of the
political, social, and sexual ramifications of the lamp-changing.
Q: How many producers?
A: "Sorry; a new lamp isn't in the budget."
Off-Topic:
Q: How many WASP Yuppies does it take?
A: Two. One to mix the martinis & another to phone the electrician.
--
rigger-at-voyager-dot-net
DoD#2117 ACGWB#5 NGI#666
Stephen Lane
How many Prima Donnas does it take
to change a light globe ?
Just one she holds the light globe
& the whole world revolves around her !
& the really funny thing is I told it to a PD one day & it went
right over her head !!!!!
Keith Danby wrote:
> I'm looking for some good lighting jokes. Anyone have any?
> -----------------------
> Keith Danby
> Markham, ON, Canada
> da...@home.com
> members.home.net/danby
> -----------------------
--
Regards
Stephen Lane
Apollo Lighting
why not try http://www.adelaide.net.au/~sjlane
Lstuder
That one was worth the price of admission.
Thanx...
LArry (Lstuder @ aol.com)
charles.hope
Rigger <lo...@sig.for.address.com> wrote:
> Off-Topic:
> Q: How many WASP Yuppies does it take?
> A: Two. One to mix the martinis & another to phone the electrician.
Or as I heard it (from a Jewish lady).
Q.How amny Jewish princesses does it take to change a light bulb?
a. Two. One to buy the diet cokes & the other to phone Daddy.
--
From West Horsley (KT24)
JAshby1041
>From: lst...@aol.com (Lstuder)
>Date: 3/26/99 5:36 AM Central Standard Time
>Message-id: <19990326063623...@ng145.aol.com>
Yes, I agree. I told that to the director that I work with and we both howled.
Thomas F Szczesniak
Let's Get Our Priorites
Straight Around Here
!! GOD SAID, !!
LET THERE BE LIGHT!
"Keith Danby" <da...@home.com> wrote:
>I'm looking for some good lighting jokes. Anyone have any?
>-----------------------
>Keith Danby
>Markham, ON, Canada
>da...@home.com
>members.home.net/danby
>-----------------------
Thomas F Szczesniak
How many union electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty Seven. You got a problem with that?
Adam
Try Bath University's Backstage section:
http://www.bath.ac.uk:80/~su2bc/comedy.htm
It's got: more lightbulb jokes than you can imaginge
techie gospel
101 uses for gaffer tape
Adam
P.S. When I went to the lightbulb page I got some raw HTML in my browser (?)
but if you scroll down a bit then it's fine...
--
Adam Richardson
Carpe Diem
ad...@cheerful.com
http://www.argonet.co.uk/users/richardsons/adam/
Jeffrey E, Salzberg
A: Shine a Maglite in her ear.
RichKBerg
MESS WITH US.....
DANCE IN THE DARK.
WCrain10
An actor without technicians is a naked person , standing on a bare stage, in
the dark, trying to emote.
A technician without actors, is person with saleable skills.
Ben L.
already been patched correctly. Now if it was written instead of
said....
[GRIN]
Thomas F Szczesniak wrote:
> Best I have is a T-shirt:
>
> Let's Get Our Priorites
> Straight Around Here
>
> !! GOD SAID, !!
>
> LET THERE BE LIGHT!
>
> "Keith Danby" <da...@home.com> wrote:
>
> >I'm looking for some good lighting jokes. Anyone have any?
> >-----------------------
> >Keith Danby
> >Markham, ON, Canada
> >da...@home.com
> >members.home.net/danby
> >-----------------------
>
> tho...@jeffnet.org
--
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The opinion(s) expressed have come from:
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LidstoneMJ
>>
>> I'm looking for some good lighting jokes. Anyone have any?
I heard this one when I was subcontracting on the Disney ship last month. And
by the time I left, I wholeheartedly agreed with it!
Scenario: You're standing in an elevator with the scenic designer, the sound
designer and the lighting designer. You have a gun with you, but only two
bullets in it.
Q: Who do you shoot?
A: The lighting designer. Twice.
Meredith Lidstone
"You! Out of the gene pool!!"
RichKBerg
sound
designer and the lighting designer. You have a gun with you, but only two
bullets in it.
Q: Who do you shoot?
A: The lighting designer. Twice. >>
May I offer a different version?
Beat the sound designer to death with the butt of the pistol - they aren't
worth wasting bullets on.
This oughta scare the other two into cooperating.
(Feeling surly today.....)