Borg Jokes

[ROBOT]

*GREET.INGS*
Hey, Lloyd- !*WOW*! That "Odd guy" you described at WERK seems like a
Karbon Kopy of Ralf Hutter or Florian Schneider- by any chance, does
this gentleman have a German accent and ride a Bicycle? Gee, I always
suspected Ralf & Florian were BORG.*sigh*. Resistance is Futile. They've
already Assimilated me. "....We. Are. The. ROBOTS...." Hm-m, I'll bet
DATA would LOVE to have a Jam Session with KRAFTWERK in the HoloDeck!
That would be KooL! BORG 'em ALL! -(Esoteric humor.)-

I'm not sure what to make of the Voyager-Meets-BORG episode. Chakotay's
love scene with what's-her-name was interesting, though.

RO...@humboldt1.com

http://www.ypn.com/personal/pages/ROBOT
-(Foto & Profile. "Your Personal Net" is FREE, and ANYone can PEEK at
Profiles- but, I can't get in to UPdate my Email Address. I dunno why.)-

http://www.scifi.com [Welcome to The DOMINION]
http://www.scifi.com/members/lounge/profiles/R/ROBOT
-(same Foto, different Text. The DOMINION is FREE! Check it out! Only
Members can PEEK at Profiles. I UPdated this one, no problem.)-

C U in CYBERSPACE!

[Lo Monaco Marco 306045/IL]

Here's another one, check it out....

Q. Does anybody know which song Picard has been dreaming every night since
he was assimilated by the Borg ?

A. "BORG IN THE U.S.S, I was BORG..."

[Ervino Cus]

In article <Pine.SUN.3.95.970226...@inca.dei.unipd.it>

=========
Wrong. The song was: "BORG to be kings...princeps of the Universe..." :)

Cheers
Ervino

-------------------------------------------------
| Ervino Cus Giornalista Pubblicista |
| erv...@interware.it Freelance Journalist |
-------------------------------------------------
| "Errare humanum est, sed perseverare diabolicum" |
-------------------------------------------------

[Per Anders Nilsson]

Lo Monaco Marco 306045/IL wrote:
>
> Here's another one, check it out....
>
> Q. Does anybody know which song Picard has been dreaming every night since
> he was assimilated by the Borg ?
>
> A. "BORG IN THE U.S.S, I was BORG..."

I was BORG, BORG, BORG, BORG to be alive...

[Ervino Cus]

Q: What say the Borg Queen when they conquer a new solar system?

A: "A Star is BORG"...

[Bob Flyzik]

Q: How do you destroy the new starship "Titanic" (NCX-48654)

A: With a Nice Borg!

[Nicola de Angeli]

Ervino Cus <erv...@interware.it> wrote:

>Wrong. The song was: "BORG to be kings...princeps of the Universe..." :)

O my God... a universe full of Natural BORG Killers !!!

Ciao
Nicola

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes too!"

[Mandy Gordon]

In article <3315DE...@flash.net> Bob Flyzik <rfl...@flash.net> writes:

>Q: How do you destroy the new starship "Titanic" (NCX-48654)

>A: With a Nice Borg!

We-ell, since I have a file of Borg jokes, I just had to post them... :>

BORG JOKES

We are Deter of Borg: Now is the time on Sprockets when we assimilate.
We are Heisenborg: You will probably be assimilated.
We are Pentium of Borg: Division is fultile. You will be approximated.
We are Hugh of Borg: We wish to assimilate Troi. Geordi is our friend.
He can watch.
Yoda of Borg are we: Futile is resistance. Assimilate you, we will.
We are Trebek of Borg: For $200, it's futile and starts with R.
We are Ebola of Borg: Vaccines are irrelvant. We are resistant.
We are Rambo of Borg: Resistance is the desease. We are the cure.
We are Bjorn of Borg: Your serve will be returned. You will be humiliated.
Advancement is futile.
We are McCoy of Borg: He's assimilated, Jim!
We are Fudd of Borg: Pwepawre to be aswimiwated.
We are Porky of Borg: You will be as... assa... assim... oh, forget it.

BorgerKing: We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant.

[wyswyg]

On Thu, 27 Feb 1997 11:19:04 -0800, Bob Flyzik <rfl...@flash.net>
wrote:

> Q: How do you destroy the new starship "Titanic" (NCX-48654)
>
> A: With a Nice Borg!

with a swedish tennis racket ??

[Dan Beacom]

I remember seeing this sig file:

We are Homer of Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimmm...
Mmmmmm Donuts.

In article <75037.51.1...@compuserve.com>, 7503...@compuserve.com
says...

>
>In article <3315DE...@flash.net> Bob Flyzik <rfl...@flash.net> writes:
>

>>Q: How do you destroy the new starship "Titanic" (NCX-48654)
>
>>A: With a Nice Borg!
>

[Florian Kuehnert]

7503...@compuserve.com (Mandy Gordon) schrieb am Sat, 1 Mar 1997
21:42:55:

>We are Heisenborg: You will probably be assimilated.

ROTFL

Fondly
Florian
---
"Change the world before someone else does it for you."
J. M. Straczynski

[Jose Leandro]

THEY ARE BOB DOLE OF BORG. THEY WILL ASSIMILATE YOU BECAUSE THEY ARE
THE MOST OPTIMISTIC SPECIES IN THE GALAXY AND RESISTANCE IS FUTILE
(shut up liddy!).

[Bob Flyzik]

>
> "recook77" <reco...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>
> How about Cobain of Borg: "Here we are now, assimilated us."
>
> Gareth Wilson wrote:
> Chandler of Borg: "Could I _be_ more assimilated?"

How 'bout Shatner of Borg: "*You*....Will....Be....Assimilated!"

[recook77]

Florian Kuehnert <Su...@usa.net> wrote in article
<331a6b9b...@news.snafu.de>...

> 7503...@compuserve.com (Mandy Gordon) schrieb am Sat, 1 Mar 1997
> 21:42:55:
>
> >We are Heisenborg: You will probably be assimilated.
>
> ROTFL
>
> Fondly
> Florian

How about Cobain of Borg: "Here we are now, assimilated us."

[Gareth Wilson]

"recook77" <reco...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:

>How about Cobain of Borg: "Here we are now, assimilated us."

Chandler of Borg: "Could I _be_ more assimilated?"

[Adam Felson]

From: bea...@juno.com (Dan Beacom)
Date: 1997/03/03
-----------------------------

I remember seeing this sig file:

We are Homer of Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimmm...
Mmmmmm Donuts.

In article <75037.51.1...@compuserve.com>, 7503...@compuserve.com
says...
>

>We-ell, since I have a file of Borg jokes, I just had to post them... :>
>
>BORG JOKES
>
>We are Deter of Borg: Now is the time on Sprockets when we assimilate.

>We are Heisenborg: You will probably be assimilated.

[Oliver Gassner]

In de.rec.sf.startrek you (Bob Flyzik <rfl...@flash.net>) wrote:
>How 'bout Shatner of Borg: "*You*....Will....Be....Assimilated!"

Spock of Borg: I am and will be... assmililated. A search is useless...

--
Literatur online: http://www.swbv.uni-konstanz.de/wwwroot/olli.html
Oliver Gassner --- mailto:fra...@poboxes.com

[Neville Young]

We are Wesley of Borg. You will be nauseated.

Neville Young
nevi...@globalnet.co.uk

[Lee Doolan]

In article <331ca3d9...@news.globalnet.co.uk>,

Neville Young <nevi...@globalnet.co.uk> wrote:
>We are Wesley of Borg. You will be nauseated.
>

we are victor borg. you will be titillated.

[Maagic]

Pauly of Borg: "Resistance is FU-tile...You will be ass-IM-I-laaated,
buuuuu-DY"
--
My page! Seen perfection lately?
http://www.cybrtyme.com/personal/bfoster
National Computer Outlet
http://www.cybrtyme.com/personal/bfoster/nco.htm
My UFO page. We are not alone
http://www.cybrtyme.com/personal/bfoster/ufo.htm

[Mark Nicholson]

I am Hamlet of Borg...You are to be, or not to be, assimilated

Best Regards,

Mark
--
Mark Nicholson
Optima Research Tel +44 (0 in UK) 1279 836050
3a Bullfields Fax +44 (0 in UK) 1279 836051
SAWBRIDGEWORTH Email ma...@optima.demon.co.uk
CM21 9DB Web http://www.optima.co.uk/
United Kingdom

[Jens Schaefer]

Oliver Gassner wrote:
>
> In de.rec.sf.startrek you (Bob Flyzik <rfl...@flash.net>) wrote:
> >How 'bout Shatner of Borg: "*You*....Will....Be....Assimilated!"
>
> Spock of Borg: I am and will be... assmililated. A search is useless...

Hoffentlich war der noch nicht hier:

"Yoda of Borg am I. Assimilate you we will. Resistance futile is."

:-)

mfg
Jens

[Niels Basjes]

I am Pentium of BORG, division is futile, you will be approximated.

Grtz Niels

----------------------------------
| Niels Basjes - Ni...@Basjes.nl |
| http://www.wirehub.nl/~basjesn |
----------------------------------
| "I doubt,therefore I might be" |
----------------------------------
| -------> NO SPAMMING! <------- |
----------------------------------

[Vinnie]

We are Beverly Crusher Of Borg; You will be Medicated.

We are Deanna Troi Of Borg; You will be Beta Zoided :)
--

[Christopher Michael Jones]

Maagic (ma...@cybrtyme.com) wrote:

: Gareth Wilson wrote:
: >
: > "recook77" <reco...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
: >
: > >How about Cobain of Borg: "Here we are now, assimilated us."
: >
: > Chandler of Borg: "Could I _be_ more assimilated?"

: Pauly of Borg: "Resistance is FU-tile...You will be ass-IM-I-laaated,
: buuuuu-DY"

If there was a Pauly of Borg I'm sure that the Borg would not have survived
long. Every world in the entire galaxy would certainly focus solely on
destroying the Borg.

[Frederic Argazzi]

Mark Nicholson <ma...@optima.demon.co.uk> scritto nell'articolo
<C2MP9gAL...@optima.demon.co.uk>...

i am Bush of borg, read my lips: you will be assimilated

--
Freddy

This was perfectly true,and a very respectable view widely
held by right-thinking people, who are largely recognizable as
being right-thinking people by the mere fact that they hold this view.

[Kevin Miller]

"I am David Duke of Borg; you will be discriminated."

Kevin Miller

"Jazz is not dead; it just smells funny" -- Frank Zappa

[Larry Doering]

Ratt and I were hunkered down on the ridgeline, overlooking the
valley below. I stood by with the shotgun mike while Ratt scanned
the terrain with binoculars. "Psst, Larr," she hissed. "There
they are. Estimate enemy force is battalion strength... wait a
sec..."

I took a last drag on my cigarette and crushed it out. Ratt
continued, "... bearing zero-three-zero... pocket protectors,
toy phasers, Klingon makeup. Yup, confirm OPFOR. I say again,
we have Trekkies." I aimed the mike and adjusted my headphones.
Easy... there. As I adjusted the gain I began to pick up a
faint gneeing sound. We waited tensely. Then I heard it. I
fought a wave of nausea as the mike picked up the nasal screech
of one of them: "Why did the Borg cross the road?" The massed
horde chorused, "Why?" The reply came: "To assimilate the other
side!"

I ripped off the headphones to avoid hearing their horrible
braying laughter. I slapped Ratt's leg. "Where's the radio?"
Half-empty tequila bottles clinked as she rummaged through her
rucksack. "Aw, fuck," she said. "I think I... oops, no, here
it is." I grabbed the radio from her and called Suicide and
Lemming, orbiting at the IP a klick behind us.

"Smasher flight, this is Hazmat Six. Do you read?" Lemming's
voice crackled back. "Hazmat Six, Smasher One. What's up?" Ratt
fumbled with her situation map, then elbowed me and pointed.
I replied, "Smasher One, target Trekkies, grid CX, 100 meters
southwest of the treeline. No friendlies in the area, you're
cleared in hot."

"Roger, Hazmat Six. Time on target fifteen seconds. In
hot." We watched as the two A-10 Thunderbolt IIs screamed
over the ridge and whipped down into the valley. The crowd of
Trekkies disappeared in a cloud of dust and debris as Suicide
and Lemming opened up with their GAU-8 Avenger 30mm cannons.
"Eat hot lead, you pathetic geeks!" Ratt chortled.

I thumbed the transmit switch. "Smasher flight, Hazmat Six.
Sierra Hotel, guys. Some of them are still twitching, though.
Give 'em a couple of mark eighty-fours." "Roger, Hazmat Six,"
Lemming replied. The A-10s pulled up in a graceful formation
chandelle, and I lit another smoke as they wheeled in on their
bombing run.

ljd

[Neville Young]

doe...@xrayspex.nlm.nih.gov (Larry Doering) wrote:

> Ratt and I were hunkered down on the ridgeline, [snip]
> ... The A-10s pulled up in a graceful formation

>chandelle, and I lit another smoke as they wheeled in on their
>bombing run.

We are Doering of Borg. You will be complicated.

Neville Young
nevi...@globalnet.co.uk

[Paul J. Allen]

Any one know the definitive answer to "How many Borg does it take
to change a light bulb?" ..?

The only one I can think of is:

"None. Darkness is irrelevant. Lightbulbs will be obsolete in the new
order."

Just a thought :)
--

Paul.
The above does not necessarily reflect the views of my employer
To email, remove the x from the front of the stated address

[P N G Boulton]

Dan Beacom (bea...@juno.com) wrote:
: I remember seeing this sig file:

: We are Homer of Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimmm...
: Mmmmmm Donuts.

[SNIP]

: >We are Porky of Borg: You will be as... assa... assim... oh, forget it.

: >
: >BorgerKing: We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant.

: >
: >
: >

How about:

We are
--
Paul Boulton

Algal Research _ . . .
Biological Sciences / ._\|/_ .
Durham University \ . . ./|\. .
South Road ._\|/.._\|/_.
Durham / /|\. ./|\.
England DH1 3LE ' ' ' '

e-mail p.n.g....@durham.ac.uk
Phone UK (0191) 374 2419
Fax UK (0191) 374 2427
Mobile (0370) 90 33 64

Computer Fairs (North)
45 Fenwick Street
Boldon
South Tyneside
NE35 9HU

Fax (0191) 537 2049
Tel (0370) 90 33 64
email p.n.g....@durham.ac.uk

[Neil K.]

"I am Training Manager of Borg, please don't forget to complete the
assimilation evaluation form."
--Neil K.
"Believing oneself to be perfect
is often the sign of a delusional mind"

[Lt.Cmdr.Riker]

P N G Boulton wrote:

> : >BorgerKing: We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant.

"Hamburgers are irrelavant. You will be assimilated."

[recook77]

Neil K. <Ne...@nightofthe.demon.co.uk> wrote in article
<TF+fFDAs...@nightofthe.demon.co.uk>...

Beavis and Borghead: "Assimilation like, sucks, huh-huh-huh..."

[recook77]

Alanis of Borg: "Isn't it robotic? Don't you think?"

[Paul J. Allen]

Kosh of Borg: You have always been assimilated.

Robin Cook of Borg: Decision is futile. We will be elected.

Sinatra of Borg: Start spreading the news. We're assimilating today. You
will be
be a part of it: the Borg, the Borg.

Stroustrup of Borg: Functional programming is irrelevant. You will be
instantiated.

[Chris Bennardo]

On 3 Mar 1997, Dan Beacom wrote:

> I remember seeing this sig file:
>
> We are Homer of Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimmm...
> Mmmmmm Donuts.
>

> In article <75037.51.1...@compuserve.com>, 7503...@compuserve.com
> says...
> >

> >In article <3315DE...@flash.net> Bob Flyzik <rfl...@flash.net> writes:
> >
> >>Q: How do you destroy the new starship "Titanic" (NCX-48654)
> >
> >>A: With a Nice Borg!

> >
> >We-ell, since I have a file of Borg jokes, I just had to post them... :>
> >
> >BORG JOKES
> >
> >We are Deter of Borg: Now is the time on Sprockets when we assimilate.
> >We are Heisenborg: You will probably be assimilated.
> >We are Pentium of Borg: Division is fultile. You will be approximated.
> >We are Hugh of Borg: We wish to assimilate Troi. Geordi is our friend.
> > He can watch.
> >Yoda of Borg are we: Futile is resistance. Assimilate you, we will.
> >We are Trebek of Borg: For $200, it's futile and starts with R.
> >We are Ebola of Borg: Vaccines are irrelvant. We are resistant.
> >We are Rambo of Borg: Resistance is the desease. We are the cure.
> >We are Bjorn of Borg: Your serve will be returned. You will be humiliated.
>
> > Advancement is futile.
> >We are McCoy of Borg: He's assimilated, Jim!
> >We are Fudd of Borg: Pwepawre to be aswimiwated.

> >We are Porky of Borg: You will be as... assa... assim... oh, forget it.
> >

> >BorgerKing: We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant.
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>

ROTFLMFAO!
ROTFLMFAO!
ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!
{oooh, boy, it's been a while since I laughed totears!}
Chris

[Stephen]

Paul J. Allen wrote:
>
> Kosh of Borg: You have always been assimilated.

Kosh #2: The assimilation has already started, it is too late for the resistance
to vote.

[Denise Connell]

Christopher Michael Jones wrote:

>
> Several rather interesting folk did write:

> : > >How about Cobain of Borg: "Here we are now, assimilated us."
> : >
> : > Chandler of Borg: "Could I _be_ more assimilated?"
>
> : Pauly of Borg: "Resistance is FU-tile...You will be ass-IM-I-laaated,
> : buuuuu-DY"

> <snip>
-----------------
I like this one,

I am Boris of Borg. Moose and Squirrel are irrelevant

Denise
Witsend Productions
"nothing mundane"
http://www.snapdragongifts.com
"I will not get very far with this attitude"

[Philip Richard Yabut]

Greetings from Washington, DC:

"We are Clinton of Borg. I feel the pain of your resistance. You will be
assimilated...won't be assimilated...will be assimilated...won't be
assimilated..."

"We are Larry King of Borg. Let's go to the phones--Oshkosh, Wisconsin,
you're on the air to be assimilated."

"We are Quayle of Borg. Resistanc is futil."

"We are Al Gore of Borg. For a $50,000 donation to the Democratic
Party you can be assimilated."

"We are Reagan of Borg. I don't recall any assimilation."

"We are Reagan of Borg. The deficit is irrelevant."

"We are Limbaugh of Borg. Megadittos to assimilation."

"We are Pat Buchanan of Borg. Resistance is for liberal degenerates."

"We are Republicans of Borg. Social Security is irrelevant."

"We are Democrats of Borg. Social Security is irrelevant."

"We are Bush of Borg. Resistance wouldn't be prudent at this juncture."

"We are Jesse Jackson of Borg. AMEN TO ASSIMILATION!!"

"We are Pentagon of Borg. We will buy assimilation at 300 times the
normal cost."

"We are Jimmy Carter of Borg. We lust in the heart for assimilation."

"We are C-SPAN of Borg. Your assimilation will be given gavel-to-gavel
coverage live starting at 100PM."

Phil
--

"Truth...is in the eye of the beholder."

- Garak, "Deep Space Nine"

[Mandy Gordon]

In article <01bc2a2f$b60a7760$c8ac...@paul.ittpub.nl> "Paul J. Allen" <xp...@ittpub.nl> writes:

>Any one know the definitive answer to "How many Borg does it take
>to change a light bulb?" ..?

>The only one I can think of is:

>"None. Darkness is irrelevant. Lightbulbs will be obsolete in the new
>order."

Oh, you guys have done it now. This is just the excuse I need to post my
light bulb file :>

LIGHT BULB JOKES

How many CARDASSIANS does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four, because THREE...ARE...FOUR...LIGHTS...!!!

How many BORG does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them.

How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb?
None of your business, huu-mahn !!!

How many CARDASSIANS does it take to change a light bulb?
We don't need a light bulb, but if we did, we could take it from you!

How many BAJORANS does it take to change a light bulb?
The filthy Cardassians took our light bulb!

How many KLINGONS does it take to change a light bulb?
Burned out light bulbs have NO honor.
And a true Klingon Warrior is not afraid of the dark!

What happened to the KLINGON who did change the light bulb?
He was executed for cowardice.

How many TRILLS does it take to change a light bulb?
Both of them.

How many BORG does it take to change a light bulb?
Light bulbs are irrelevant. Changing them is futile.

How many BETAZIODS does it take to change a light bulb?
I sense it has already changed.

How many ROMULANS does it take to change a light bulb?
We have been gone for a while, but we have returned to change it.

How many Q's does it take to change a light bulb?
Here now, wouldn't you rather have this nice supernova?

How many ODO's does it take to change a light bulb?
I will change INTO the light bulb.

How many TRIBBLES does it take to change a light bulb?
1,561,772 .......uhh, 73..., ummm, 74..., 75....

How many PROPHETS does it take to change a light bulb?
Light bulbs are disruptive... intrusive....

How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends. How much?

How many ORGANIANS does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they glow in the dark.

[P N G Boulton]

ROBOT (ro...@humboldt1.com) wrote:
: *GREET.INGS*
[SNIP]

How about

John Major of Borg, "assimilation has always been, and will be, part of
our continuing policy of improvement. Resistance is, on the other hand, of
unimportance and shall be made irrelevant in line with our improving
economic importance in this quadrant."

[Hubert Popiolek]

kmi...@tiac.net äußerte sich am 06.03.97 äußerlich korrekt
zum äußerst unveräußerlichen Thema "Re: Borg Jokes" äußerst treffend
folgendermaßen:

> >> >How 'bout Shatner of Borg: "*You*....Will....Be....Assimilated!"
> >> Spock of Borg: I am and will be... assmililated. A search is
useless...

> >"Yoda of Borg am I. Assimilate you we will. Resistance futile is."

> "I am David Duke of Borg; you will be discriminated."

We are Beavis and Butthead of Borg. Resistance sucks. We ll kick your ass.

** Fischers Fritz fischt filtriertes Fritierfett! *
Euer Fritz (Jil)
## CrossPoint v3.11 ##

[Thomas Sahling]

__ _______________________ __
(__| STARFLEET ACADEMY COMMUNICATION NET REPLY |_______________________||__)

Vi> > >We are Wesley of Borg. You will be nauseated.

Vi> > we are victor borg. you will be titillated.

Vi> We are Beverly Crusher Of Borg; You will be Medicated.

Vi> We are Deanna Troi Of Borg; You will be Beta Zoided :)

We are Helmut Kohl of Borg: You will be reunioned!

We are Dole of Borg: You will be doled!
__ __________________________________________________ __
(__||__________________________________________________| THOMAS SAHLING |__)

http://www.rz.uni-frankfurt.de/~jzeiger/startrek/trek.html

[The Phantom]

Lee Doolan (ldo...@pangloss.ucsf.edu) wrote:
: In article <331ca3d9...@news.globalnet.co.uk>,
: Neville Young <nevi...@globalnet.co.uk> wrote:

: >We are Wesley of Borg. You will be nauseated.
: >
: we are victor borg. you will be titillated.

hey, anyone compiling these?? - could ya send me them??

here's one i came up with

We are Spock of Borg, you will be fasinated

--
!!!!!
(/O-O\)
.ooo ( U ) ooo.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
- From 'Big Pete' a.k.a 'The Phantom' -
- E-MAIL : Pha...@Spods.Dcs.Kcl.Ac.Uk -
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
_(_) (_)_
(___) (___)

[Ben Z. Tels]

Clinton of Borg: We will built a Temporal Vortex and assimilate the future.

Hardrocker Borg: Your music shall be assimilated. You will adapt to droning
music to service us.

--
Ben Z. Tels
B.Z....@stud.tue.nl
opti...@stack.nl

"The Earth is the cradle of the mind, but one cannot stay in the cradle
forever."
--Tsiolkovsky

Paul J. Allen <xp...@ittpub.nl> wrote in article

[HYO (a.k.a. Dr. HeBiMe ??)]

Nevroes BoRG <highly depressed speech>:
"Attention Humans. We are the Nevroes BoRG.
Resistance is futile. Strength is irrilevant. Discussion is futile.
Life is futile. Death is irrilevant.
We won't assimilate you, because we are fed up with all <bleep>
universe..."
* They selfdestroy *

*** otherwise *** (dlen-dlen-dlon! (on three different notes).

BoRG <passionless speech>: "You will be assimilated. Resistance is
futile".

Marvin the Robot ((c) D. Adams): "Everything is futile, blah! Universe
sucks".

BoRG assimilate Marvin and immediately self destruct.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Already present in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"...
Vogon: "Resistance is useless". He; it seems axactly that...) :p

=============================================
Hyo: "Nel nome delle leggi naturali e
celesti, TI VIETO".

<monster self-destruction sequence enabled>

Mostro: *Ssha - ka-boom - pif* <it vanishes>
=============================================

********************************************
E-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamandalind-orburu'me"

(Ancient Entish mumbling)
********************************************

[Ray Mitchell]

How about:

We are Bill Gates of Borg. You HAVE been assimilated. You just don't
know it yet.

Anyone know of Ritz Camera? They like to buy camera stores:

We are the Ritz. You will be assimilated.
Your camera store will adapt itself to service ours.
We will add your technological and photological distictiveness to our
own.

Resistance is futile (our lawers see to that!)

[Brian Barjenbruch]

How about this one:

We are Babylon 5 of Borg. We would assimilate you but we're too busy
posturing and making clever speeches to the background of cartoonish
computer animation. :-)

Or, to be more specific:

We are Susan Ivanova of Borg. Assimilation actually >gives< us emotions.
We are Londo of Borg. Ve vill assimilate yew und you vill speak een
zees reedeeculous acceent.
We are Lennier of Borg. Danger. Will Robinson. Danger, you will be
assimilated.

Brian

[Terrance Richard Boyes]

The Phantom (pha...@spods.dcs.kcl.ac.uk) wrote:
>
> hey, anyone compiling these?? - could ya send me them??

Yep, they'll be but onto the Borg Jokes page on the "official" UMTSS pages
(see below for the URL) when the thread dies

--
<URL:http://www.pierrot.co.uk/umtss.html> Team AMIGA
Create your own opportunity. Blackmail a senior executive.

[Lawrence Sparks]

Mandy Gordon <7503...@compuserve.com> wrote in article
<75037.51.1...@compuserve.com>...

> In article <01bc2a2f$b60a7760$c8ac...@paul.ittpub.nl> "Paul J. Allen"
<xp...@ittpub.nl> writes:
>
>
> Oh, you guys have done it now. This is just the excuse I need to post my

> light bulb file :>
>

YES!

How many CARDASSIANS does it take to change a lightbulb?

<just one; however they first have to determine how many light bulbs they
see.>

How many BORG does it take to change a lightbulb?

<Light bulbs are irrelevant. Darkness is irrelevant, Changing them is
futile.>
<They don't change the light bulb, they assimilate it . . .>

How many FERENGI does it take to change a light bulb?

<Two: one to change it, and the other to sell the old bulb as an antique.>
<Two:one to change it and one to sell the old one as new>
<None: they'll just sell the whole lamp to some young Starfleet Ensign.>
<Just one, but he'll charge you double for it.>
<Feringi Never change!!>
<For the right price, as many as you want.>
<None...they steal it and sell it for profit >

How many KLINGONS does it take to change a light bulb?

<None, they need a Cardassian to figure it out for them.>
<None. Klingons can fight in the dark>

How many ROMULANS does it take to change a light bulb?

<Two, one to do it, and another to kill the first one and take the credit
for it!>
<Three: one to change the bulb and two to guard him so the Federation
doesn't
steal the secret.>

How many Q's does it take to change a light bulb?

<One. He holds the light bulb and the universe revolves around him.>
<Change it into what?>

How many ORGANIANS does it take to change a light bulb?

<they ARE the light bulb.>

How many VULCANS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
<One: Any more would be illogical.>
<Approximately 1.0000000000000>

How many WESLEY CRUSHERS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
<None. He's that good.>

How many HOLODECK CHARACTERS does it take to change a light bulb?
<They ARE the light bulb. And the coffee table. And the door mat...>

How many EMPATHS does it take to change a light bulb?
<Well, the bulb has to really want to be changed.>

How many Klingons Terrorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
<Two: One to put it in, and the other to kill the first one. But the
first one died honorably>

How many Romulans does it take to change a transtator?
<Two: One to change the transtator and the other to blow up the ship in
disgrace>

How many STAR FLEET officers does it take to change a light bulb?
<Two. One to change the light bulb, and the other to die shortly after
they beam down.>
<none, it would be interfering with the natural development of the light
bulb>

How many federation scientists does it take to replace a light bulb?
<Six. One to fill out the environmental impact statement, One to fill out
a cost analysis, one to request the light bulb, one to do a labor study,
one to do a post installation followup study, and one to follow up on the
follow ups. A robot actually replaces the bulb.>

How many WORFS does it take to change a light bulb?
<Two: one to point a phaser at it and the other to changing it!!!>

how many TAMARIANS does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
<Sylvania, when the lamp failed.>

How long does it take Data and Rayna Kapec to screw in a light bulb?

<Your guess is as good as mine> (Rayna Kapec is the android built by
Flint)

How long does it take Data and Deanna to screw in a Light bulb?

<Till she passes out.>

How many Vulcans does it take to screw in a light bulb

<Two but it is an illogical waste of effort to construct a light bulb for
such a purpose>

How many TRIBBLES does it take to screw in a light bulb?
<One but all you have to do is feed it>

How does a TAMARIAN say the light bulb is burned out?
<Sylvania, when the lamp failed.>

What do you do with an old light bulb?
<feed it to a Horta>

How many does it take to screw in a light bulb on DS9?
<one-Rom>
<two-Odo and Kira>
<three-Worf, Jadiza, and Dax>
<Quark how many do you want, One strip each>

[Joe McKeown]

We are Burns of Borg. Smithers! Assimilate them!

How many NANITES does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but how did they get in there?

[Eric Fickas]

How many Founders does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them, but they change it into a human.

How many Pakleds does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They need Geordi. Geordi is smart.

How many Vidians does it take to change a light bulb?
They don't change it, they just graft on the parts they need from one
that still works.

How many V'ger Probes does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it first has to merge with Thomas Edison.

Well, it's getting late and I have a dead horse to beat...

Eric Fickas

[Peter Choi]

Adam Felson wrote:
>
> From: bea...@juno.com (Dan Beacom)
> Date: 1997/03/03
> -----------------------------

> I remember seeing this sig file:
>
> We are Homer of Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimmm...
> Mmmmmm Donuts.
>
> In article <75037.51.1...@compuserve.com>, 7503...@compuserve.com
> says...
> >

> >We-ell, since I have a file of Borg jokes, I just had to post them... :>
> >
> >BORG JOKES
> >
> >We are Deter of Borg: Now is the time on Sprockets when we assimilate.
> >We are Heisenborg: You will probably be assimilated.
> >We are Pentium of Borg: Division is fultile. You will be approximated.
> >We are Hugh of Borg: We wish to assimilate Troi. Geordi is our friend.
> > He can watch.
> >Yoda of Borg are we: Futile is resistance. Assimilate you, we will.
> >We are Trebek of Borg: For $200, it's futile and starts with R.
> >We are Ebola of Borg: Vaccines are irrelvant. We are resistant.
> >We are Rambo of Borg: Resistance is the desease. We are the cure.
> >We are Bjorn of Borg: Your serve will be returned. You will be humiliated.
> > Advancement is futile.
> >We are McCoy of Borg: He's assimilated, Jim!
> >We are Fudd of Borg: Pwepawre to be aswimiwated.
> >We are Porky of Borg: You will be as... assa... assim... oh, forget it.
> >
> >BorgerKing: We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant.
> >
> >

"We are Pamela Anderson of Borg. You will be implanted."
--
**************************
DIE, OMID KHEILTASH, DIE
DIE, YOU FILTHY WHORE, DIE
**************************

-=UDIC=- Evangelion Dragon

Just nothing more that a sig file, nevermind.

[Peter Choi]

Vinnie wrote:

>
> Lee Doolan wrote:
> >
> > In article <331ca3d9...@news.globalnet.co.uk>,
> > Neville Young <nevi...@globalnet.co.uk> wrote:
> > >We are Wesley of Borg. You will be nauseated.
> > >
> > we are victor borg. you will be titillated.
>

> We are Beverly Crusher Of Borg; You will be Medicated.
>

> We are Deanna Troi Of Borg; You will be Beta Zoided :)

> --

"We are the Rapist of Borg. Pepper spray is irrelevant."

[Matt "Peter Pan" Phipps]

> Well, it's getting late and I have a dead horse to beat...
>

Eric,

I understand that's illegal in most states with the exception of Nebraska
where it is legal. But only if you're not married to it.

--
Peter Pan

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me...

Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads,
drink up me hearties, yo ho!

"There is no problem too big that we can't ignore
if we tried hard enough." - King Ralph

[Peter Choi]

What does that mean...?

[HPS]

In article <zH7QEM...@master-tom.ahh.dame.de>, master...@ahh.dame.de
says...

>We are Helmut Kohl of Borg: You will be reunioned!
>
>We are Dole of Borg: You will be doled!

Who said Germans didn't have a sense of humour?

[Paul J. Allen]

One last heave...

How many Starfleet Engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. If you run a phased inverse tachyon burst through the main emitter
array
grid and multiplex it with a subspace standing wave locked back into a
diagnostic mode filter, you'll bleed off most of the static warpfield
instabilities through the higher verteron harmonics of the decchyon field
and get at least another 60 Watts out of the old one.

[Paul Marshall]

In article <01bc2b6a$79f29500$74d823c7@default>, recook77
<reco...@ix.netcom.com> writes
>
>Beavis and Borghead: "Assimilation like, sucks, huh-huh-huh..."

We are Borg 5-0, Assimilate 'em Danno.

[Major]

Lawrence Sparks wrote:

>
> How many Klingons Terrorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
> <Two: One to put it in, and the other to kill the first one. But the
> first one died honorably>
>

Ummm.. stop me if I'm wrong, but I do believe that Worf (and many other
Klingons) believe that terrorists are"dishonorable". So how would a
"Klingon Terrorist" exist...? Check ep "For the Cause" after Kassidy met
up with the Maquis...

heheh... more useless nit-picking... :)

-Major Bar
--
*************************************************************
*"If silence is a weapon, then I am defenseless!" *
* -unknown *
* *
*"If terrorists are tourists with guns, are tourists *
*terrorists with cameras?" -Road Scholar/Me *
* *
*"Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over!"*
* -unknown *
* *
*"If it's in your way, knock it over." *
* -Klingon Proverb *
*************************************************************

[Major]

Lawrence Sparks wrote:

>
> How many Klingons Terrorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
> <Two: One to put it in, and the other to kill the first one. But the
> first one died honorably>
>

Ummm.. stop meif I'm wrong, but I do believe that Worf (and many other

[Escoba]

Cops of Borg:
1. Bad boys, bad boys. Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when we
assimilate you?

2. You have the right to remain assimilated. Anything you say or do
will be futile.

[Philip Darke]

In article <5frrnq$1...@willow.cc.kcl.ac.uk>, The Phantom
<pha...@spods.dcs.kcl.ac.uk> writes

>here's one i came up with
>
> We are Spock of Borg, you will be fasinated

Here's one I came up with:

We are Data of Borg, you will be intrigued.

--
Philip Darke ---------------------------------- Phi...@darke.demon.co.uk
--------------------- http://www.darke.demon.co.uk ---------------------
---------------------------- For STAR TREK! ----------------------------

[Markus Mehring]

hps@the-plan (HPS) wrote:

...can`t have been a German.

We are Karol Wojtila of Borg.
Pater, et fili, et spiritus assimilationi.
Resistancum est futilius. Amen.

We are Shakespeare 惱 Borg.
Thou art assimilated, my good man.
Ye shall not resist, for that is futile.

We are Moses of man.
Thou shall not assimilate!
We shall resist beyond all irrelevance!

We are Ice-T 惱 悲a Borg, motherf*cker.
Low and behold, your sorry ass is about to become assimilated, man!!
And if you think you might be able to resist, we惻l tell 描a about
futility, you irrelevant sucker!

[Haplo]

>How many KLINGONS does it take to change a light bulb?
><None, they need a Cardassian to figure it out for them.>
><None. Klingons can fight in the dark>
>

None, broken lightbulbs are without honor!

What happened to the klingon who did change the light-bulb?

He was sentenced to death for being affraid in the dark.

Ivo

[Brian Widdas]

Yoda of Borg: Ammisilated will you be. Resistance futile is.

[yms...@ix.netcom.com]

Shouldn't that read:
Bad Borgs, Bad Borgs....

[John R. Campbell]

Aww, C'mon!

Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a light-bulb?

A: Two. One to change the lightbulb and the other to kill
him and take the credit.

Q: How many managers/executives does it take to change a
lightbulb?

A: Two: One to call the electrician in and the other to
write the memo stealing credit for showing incentive.

--
John R. Campbell, Speaker to Machines, Resident Heckler so...@jtan.com
"As a SysAdmin, yes, I CAN read your e-mail, but I DON'T get that bored!"-me
Disclaimer: I'm just a consultant at the bottom of the food chain, so,
if you're thinking I speak for anyone but myself, you must
have more lawyers than sense.

[Escoba]

Thanks!

[Dayna Ann Terry]

We are Darth Vader of Borg- You will be assimilated. It is your
desssssstiny.

We are Chewbacca of Borg- Waugh Yayyyaaaya Auuughghghghg

We are Han Solo of Borg- I've got a bad feeling about this
assimiliation.

We are are Odie of Borg- Pant Pant Pant. Slurping is irrelivant

We are Hobbes of Borg- Tuna Fish is irrelivant. But comics are
not.

We are Dan Quayle of Borg- U whill bea azzimileighted.

I know, I know, they're terrible, but how can you resist? :)
(Don't say easily!) ;)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Dayna Terry
English Major/Music Minor- University of Oregon
Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.
*****If you shoot a mime, Do you have to use a silencer?*****
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

[Paul J. Allen]

John R. Campbell <camp...@phu989.mms.sbphrd.com> wrote in article

>
> Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a light-bulb?
>
> A: Two. One to change the lightbulb and the other to kill
> him and take the credit.
>

But only a fool changes a light bulb in a burning house!

[Jilipop]

h...@the-plan.uucp äußerte sich am 10.03.97 äußerlich korrekt
zum äußerst unveräußerlichen Thema "Re: Borg Jokes" äußerst treffend
folgendermaßen:

> In article <zH7QEM...@master-tom.ahh.dame.de>, master...@ahh.dame.de
> says...
>
> >We are Helmut Kohl of Borg: You will be reunioned!
> >
> >We are Dole of Borg: You will be doled!
>
> Who said Germans didn't have a sense of humour?

Me, cause I was born in Poland and now I live in Germany and they make
jokes about me all the time!!!

What about this one:

We are Jaqcues Chirac of Borg: You will be a-bombed.

Or this one:

We are Julius Caesar of Borg : veni, vidi, assimiliti.

** Viele Gruesse von dem, der einen etwa 11 m² grossen Teil der Erdoberflaeche
beherrscht! (JIL) *
## CrossPoint v3.11 ##

[Peter Choi]

Jilipop wrote:
> =

> h...@the-plan.uucp =E4u=DFerte sich am 10.03.97 =E4u=DFerlich korrekt
> zum =E4u=DFerst unver=E4u=DFerlichen Thema "Re: Borg Jokes" =E4u=DFerst=
treffend
> folgenderma=DFen:
> =

> > In article <zH7QEM...@master-tom.ahh.dame.de>, master...@ahh.da=

me.de
> > says...
> >
> > >We are Helmut Kohl of Borg: You will be reunioned!
> > >
> > >We are Dole of Borg: You will be doled!
> >
> > Who said Germans didn't have a sense of humour?
> Me, cause I was born in Poland and now I live in Germany and they make
> jokes about me all the time!!!

> =

> What about this one:
> =

> We are Jaqcues Chirac of Borg: You will be a-bombed.

> =

> Or this one:
> =

> We are Julius Caesar of Borg : veni, vidi, assimiliti.

> =

> ** Viele Gruesse von dem, der einen etwa 11 m=B2 grossen Teil der Erdob=

erflaeche
> beherrscht! (JIL) *
> ## CrossPoint v3.11 ##

We are Anna Nichole Smith of Borg. You will be implanted.

-- =

**************************
DIE, OMID KHEILTASH, DIE
DIE, YOU FILTHY WHORE, DIE
**************************

-=3DUDIC=3D- Evangelion Dragon

[Ron Lamb]

On Tue, 11 Mar 1997 03:28:41 GMT, mmeh...@metronet.de (Markus
Mehring) wrote:

>We are Karol Wojtila of Borg.
>Pater, et fili, et spiritus assimilationi.
>Resistancum est futilius. Amen.

Good one

[Aaron J. Dinkin]

In article <6Si$cEe...@jil.salem.heide.de>, J...@salem.heide.de (Jilipop) wrote:

>We are Julius Caesar of Borg : veni, vidi, assimiliti.

Veni, vidi, assimilavi.

-Aaron J. Dinkin
Dr. Whom

[Ed Tang]

On Wed, 12 Mar 1997 08:09:45 GMT, "Paul J. Allen" <xp...@ittpub.nl>
wrote:

>
>John R. Campbell <camp...@phu989.mms.sbphrd.com> wrote in article
>>
>> Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a light-bulb?
>>
>> A: Two. One to change the lightbulb and the other to kill
>> him and take the credit.
>>
>
>But only a fool changes a light bulb in a burning house!

Klingons do not kill someone to take their credits. Klingons don't
work that way. On the other hand, Romulans do.

Ed Tang

[Anna Larke]

I am John F Kennedy of Borg. You will be assasinated.
I am Eamon Holmes of Borg. You will be aggravated.
I am Anthea Turner of Borg. You will be irritated.
I am Fairy Liquid of Borg. You will be concentrated.
I am All Bran of Borg. You will be constipated.
I am Photocopier of Borg. You will be duplicated (ok, i'm running of jokes!)
I am Jack Daniels of Borg. You will be intoxicatd.
I am Gentleman of Borg. You will be promenaded. (Good grief..!)

I think I'll quit right now before some other silly Borg 'joke' pops out of
my gob!
Regards,
Anna
--
an...@neurodne.demon.co.uk
"Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess
baggage, the shorter the trip"- Arnold H. Glasow.

[Eric Fickas]

How many Voyager crewmembers does it take to change a light bulb?

(I have two...)

1) Wait 'til next week and the bulb won't be burned out any more.

2) Shouldn't they have run out of light bulbs A LONG TIME AGO?!?

How many genetic supermen does it take to change a light bulb?

They've been asleep for 200 years -- give 'em a break! They didn't know
it was burned out!

Eric

[Markus Mehring]

70003...@compuserve.com (Ron Lamb) wrote:

>Good one

Thanx.

[Deb Hayes]

This has always been my favorite:

Drunk Borg: "Resilience in floor tile... Wanna be 'similated?"

- Deb
(tr...@voyager.net)

"I need a bath. You have the bridge." - Troi, "Genesis"

[Bill Kinkaid]

j...@salem.heide.de (Hubert Popiolek) wrote:

>kmi...@tiac.net äußerte sich am 06.03.97 äußerlich korrekt

>zum äußerst unveräußerlichen Thema "Re: Borg Jokes" äußerst treffend
>folgendermaßen:
>

>> >> >How 'bout Shatner of Borg: "*You*....Will....Be....Assimilated!"
>> >> Spock of Borg: I am and will be... assmililated. A search is
>useless...
>> >"Yoda of Borg am I. Assimilate you we will. Resistance futile is."
>> "I am David Duke of Borg; you will be discriminated."
>
>We are Beavis and Butthead of Borg. Resistance sucks. We ll kick your ass.
>
he he, he said "ass"imilated
Bill in Victoria
(to respond by e-mail,
delete anti-spamming **)

[Da Man]

We are Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. But we're not
home right now, so leave a message after the tone and we'll assimilate you
later... (beep)

[Wizzle Blonkley]

On 9 Mar 1997 18:48:34 GMT, "Lawrence Sparks" <lmsp...@nicoh.com>
wrote:

>How many HOLODECK CHARACTERS does it take to change a light bulb?
><They ARE the light bulb. And the coffee table. And the door mat...>

None. The light bulb can't exist outside the holodeck .

>How many Klingons Terrorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
><Two: One to put it in, and the other to kill the first one. But the
>first one died honorably>

It doesn't matter, as long as they all changed it honorably in battle.

>How many STAR FLEET officers does it take to change a light bulb?
><Two. One to change the light bulb, and the other to die shortly after
>they beam down.>
><none, it would be interfering with the natural development of the light
>bulb>

One, but only after first investigating it thoroughly.

>How many does it take to screw in a light bulb on DS9?
><one-Rom>
><two-Odo and Kira>
><three-Worf, Jadiza, and Dax>
><Quark how many do you want, One strip each>

One, but you have to upgrade the obsolete computer first.

[Jason Colpitts]

On 5 Mar 1997 22:14:36 GMT, cjo...@ix.cs.uoregon.edu (Christopher Michael Jones)
wrote:

>Maagic (ma...@cybrtyme.com) wrote:
>: Gareth Wilson wrote:
>: >
>: > "recook77" <reco...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>: >
>: > >How about Cobain of Borg: "Here we are now, assimilated us."
>: >
>: > Chandler of Borg: "Could I _be_ more assimilated?"

I like the Chandler one (can you tell I'm a Friends fan??), how about this?:

"I am Phoebe of Borg; karma is futile, you will be reincarnated"

Jason

[Elim]

Dayna Ann Terry wrote:
>
> We are Darth Vader of Borg- You will be assimilated. It is your
> desssssstiny.
>
> We are Chewbacca of Borg- Waugh Yayyyaaaya Auuughghghghg
>
> We are Han Solo of Borg- I've got a bad feeling about this
> assimiliation.
>
> We are are Odie of Borg- Pant Pant Pant. Slurping is irrelivant
>

> I know, I know, they're terrible, but how can you resist? :)

It was futile to try :-) (*I* couldn't resist)

Adam, in a "I've finished work for another week" type mood.

[Elim]

> >: > Chandler of Borg: "Could I _be_ more assimilated?"
>
> I like the Chandler one (can you tell I'm a Friends fan??), how about this?:
>
> "I am Phoebe of Borg; karma is futile, you will be reincarnated"
>
> Jason

Ross of Borg: "Resistance...........is futile. You *will*
be..................................Assimilated.

--
Adam Field | anf...@soton.ac.uk
Computer Science Student | Southampton University
"Let's make sure history never forgets the name Enterprise"

[Steve & Jacky Perkins]

Kaiserimam wrote:
>
> ok you have to know of the rugrats to appreciate this- even then i dont
> think anyone will find it funny.
>
> We are Chucky of borg.
> maybe this isn't such a good idea.

We are Tommy of Borg - We're babies, we're SUPPOSED to be assimilating.

[Elaine Bateman]

Jilipop wrote:
>
> h...@the-plan.uucp äußerte sich am 10.03.97 äußerlich korrekt

> zum äußerst unveräußerlichen Thema "Re: Borg Jokes" äußerst treffend
> folgendermaßen:
>

> > In article <zH7QEM...@master-tom.ahh.dame.de>, master...@ahh.dame.de

> > says...
> >
> > >We are Helmut Kohl of Borg: You will be reunioned!
> > >
> > >We are Dole of Borg: You will be doled!
> >
> > Who said Germans didn't have a sense of humour?
> Me, cause I was born in Poland and now I live in Germany and they make
> jokes about me all the time!!!
>

> What about this one:

>
> We are Jaqcues Chirac of Borg: You will be a-bombed.
>

> Or this one:

>
> We are Julius Caesar of Borg : veni, vidi, assimiliti.
>

> ** Viele Gruesse von dem, der einen etwa 11 m² grossen Teil der Erdoberflaeche

> beherrscht! (JIL) *
> ## CrossPoint v3.11 ##

We are Borg joke of Borg....You will be BORED.
--
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?

[CIT-JB09-XX]

> If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?Hi, uh, you can call me Captain Jack.
UH, I have a friend from poland, infact, he is presently attending the
univeristy of poland med school. He has no problem with polish jokes.
As i have no problem with jokes about itialians or portugues people.
I dont undersatand all that you have said, but 'can't we all just get
along?????" -i know that we can. Not to sound like bozot hte clown, but
"just keep laughinh" Peace and Long like.

[Rich K. (netaxs staff)]

"I am Duncan Macborg of the clan Macborg. You will be assimilated.
In the end, we will be only one."

[Bob Flyzik]

This is Orenthal of Borg...you will be decapitated!

This is DMV clerk of Borg...you will be laminated!

This is Moe of Borg...Nyuk-nyukking is useless...you will be slapped.

This is Paramount of Borg...originality is useless...you will be
spun-off into a series loosely based on Gilligan's Island.

Live Wrong and Prosper

[clitheroe glass ltd]

geek

Major <majo...@li.net> wrote in article <332467...@li.net>...

> Lawrence Sparks wrote:
>
> >
> > How many Klingons Terrorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
> > <Two: One to put it in, and the other to kill the first one. But the
> > first one died honorably>
> >
>

> Ummm.. stop meif I'm wrong, but I do believe that Worf (and many other
> Klingons) believe that terrorists are"dishonorable". So how would a
> "Klingon Terrorist" exist...? Check ep "For the Cause" after Kassidy met
> up with the Maquis...
>
> heheh... more useless nit-picking... :)
>
> -Major Bar
> --
> *************************************************************
> *"If silence is a weapon, then I am defenseless!" *
> * -unknown *
> * *
> *"If terrorists are tourists with guns, are tourists *
> *terrorists with cameras?" -Road Scholar/Me *
> * *
> *"Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over!"*
> * -unknown *
> * *
> *"If it's in your way, knock it over." *
> * -Klingon Proverb *
> *************************************************************
>

[hantash]

THIS IS KATO OF BORG. WE THOUGHT THIS WAS OJ'S MANSION !!

[Scottty]

pjjw...@euronet.nl (Haplo) wrote:

>What happened to the klingon who did change the light-bulb?

>He was sentenced to death for being affraid in the dark.

Actually, the worse punishment for a Klingon is to NOT put him to
death! Don't kill him, make him live in dishonour :)

How many Ferengii does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. one to steal a new one, the other to go sell the broken one.

How many Romulans does it take?

"We were gone, but we have RETURNED to change it!"

How many Pakleds?

Well, first they have to kidnap Geordi to make him tell them which way
in the lightbulb is supposed to go........

How many Q's?

"Really, such a trivial task! Here, have a whole bank of flourescent
lights instead!" (snaps fingers)

[DJ Mikhovitch]

These might be old but hey... I liked them :)

* I am Homer of Borg, prepare to be.... ooh! Donughts!

* I am Elmer of Borg, Wesistance is usewess! hahahahaha!

* I am Bart of Borg, Don't have an assimilation man.

******** x ,
************* :*.
*************** , x ,
***** ***** x
** O . O ** _____ ,
\ \_/ / | | ,
|-oOO-----OOo---------------------w-------|
>.. .Mik. |
| TIAS Loborotories (c) 1997 ..<
> n192...@student.fit.qut.edu.au |
| Who Hath the How is Careless of the Why <
|-----------------------------------------|
| | W | | | |
---- ---- | |.|
| | | | | | |
(-- / \ --)\\|wWw|//

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Asperges me Therion, hyssopo; Et mundaba lavabis me
et super nivem dealbabor!
(A. Crowley)
"Magick in Theory and Practice"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Greg Bickal]

Jason Colpitts wrote:
>
> On 5 Mar 1997 22:14:36 GMT, cjo...@ix.cs.uoregon.edu (Christopher Michael Jones)
> wrote:
>
> >Maagic (ma...@cybrtyme.com) wrote:
> >: Gareth Wilson wrote:
> >: >
> >: > "recook77" <reco...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
> >: >
> >: > >How about Cobain of Borg: "Here we are now, assimilated us."
> >: >

> >: > Chandler of Borg: "Could I _be_ more assimilated?"
>
> I like the Chandler one (can you tell I'm a Friends fan??), how about this?:
>
> "I am Phoebe of Borg; karma is futile, you will be reincarnated"
>
> Jason

Or how about:

I am Rachel of BORG, I will drive you away to be assimiliated by some
other borg'ette and make you feel like it was YOUR fault.

Like what a B...h Im sure.

[Eduardo Esparza]

Rugrat borg jokes:

We are lil and Phill of borg:

resistance is futile....No its not phill, yess it is lill, no, its NOT
PHILLIP!...Yes it is LILLIAN! NOT, IS, NOT, IS!...