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OT: Kids' bizarre reproduction theories
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Lenona
Jan 15, 2021, 6:36:56 PM1/15/21
to
Then again, reading about those theories just might inspire a lot of wannabe SF writers!
For example, parthenogenesis DOES happen in a few vertebrates - and even, very rarely, birds. But not mammals, I assume! So I assume there have been more than a few novels and movies with that theme.
Many of these true stories are likely similar to ones you've heard of or experienced. However, at least a few are poignant in ways I'd never heard of. To wit:
https://www.quora.com/As-a-child-where-did-you-think-babies-came-from
Jay Bazzinotti, Be Here Now (6 years ago)
Even as a young child I knew babies came from inside mommy -- we had cats and when they had kittens, my mother encouraged us to watch the miracle and explained that it worked the same way for humans. I didn't have the foresight to think of how babies got there. It was just assumed that once you got married, they grew inside the mother as a matter of course.
When I was in the sixth grade, I still hadn't questioned this naive belief until a local boy brought in a deck of pornographic playing cards he found in his uncle's bedroom. My friends and I were immediately fascinated by the rare and forbidden fruit -- this was 1971 after all, but what I saw tramautized me at the time, scenes of actual sex. I remember being horrified and excited at the same time and wondered out loud why men and women would do these things. The boy sneered and said, "Where do you think babies come from, idiot?". I refused to believe it, though I instantly knew it was true, and for some reason, I ran home alone, locked myself in the garage and cried for about an hour thinking about how my world had now changed, the loss of innocence, the feeling violation -- essentially, the impact of too much information too rapidly and too soon for my unprepared mind. I had been thrust into adolescence and found myself unready. I can remember all of this, and every single detail, as if it were yesterday.
For example, parthenogenesis DOES happen in a few vertebrates - and even, very rarely, birds. But not mammals, I assume! So I assume there have been more than a few novels and movies with that theme.
Many of these true stories are likely similar to ones you've heard of or experienced. However, at least a few are poignant in ways I'd never heard of. To wit:
https://www.quora.com/As-a-child-where-did-you-think-babies-came-from
Jay Bazzinotti, Be Here Now (6 years ago)
Even as a young child I knew babies came from inside mommy -- we had cats and when they had kittens, my mother encouraged us to watch the miracle and explained that it worked the same way for humans. I didn't have the foresight to think of how babies got there. It was just assumed that once you got married, they grew inside the mother as a matter of course.
When I was in the sixth grade, I still hadn't questioned this naive belief until a local boy brought in a deck of pornographic playing cards he found in his uncle's bedroom. My friends and I were immediately fascinated by the rare and forbidden fruit -- this was 1971 after all, but what I saw tramautized me at the time, scenes of actual sex. I remember being horrified and excited at the same time and wondered out loud why men and women would do these things. The boy sneered and said, "Where do you think babies come from, idiot?". I refused to believe it, though I instantly knew it was true, and for some reason, I ran home alone, locked myself in the garage and cried for about an hour thinking about how my world had now changed, the loss of innocence, the feeling violation -- essentially, the impact of too much information too rapidly and too soon for my unprepared mind. I had been thrust into adolescence and found myself unready. I can remember all of this, and every single detail, as if it were yesterday.
Lenona
Jan 15, 2021, 6:52:12 PM1/15/21
to
Btw, by contrast, the early one with the references to the 1997 "Titanic" is very amusing, for more than one reason - read all the way to the end. (But, I would have liked the anecdote even better if someone had asked "why didn't ROSE get pregnant?")
Another sad story:
Dawn McManus, Answered 7 years ago
As the youngest of two sisters with a single mum I had never seen a pregnant woman (or if I did, I didn't know it).
Sadly, I grew up having never been told about the birds and bees, and had no concept of love, marriage, sex, relationships or babies and endured ridicule one fateful day in school. I was 10 and in my last year of primary school. I have no idea how the subject arose, but one boy mentioned babies. I innocently asked how old women were when they had babies and if I would have a choice if I wanted one or not.
Perplexed at this, the boy joked that I wouldn't have babies as no man would want to 'give me one!' I said that I didn't need a man to give me a baby, I could do it myself like my mum did. The boy continued that I would still need a man/father to make the baby. I was adamant that that wasn't true as I didn't have a father and I was born, so why would I need a man?
The quips went back and forth until they realised that I had no idea how a baby was conceived, or that I actually had a father somewhere in the world! I went home that day in tears; both at being teased and laughed at so badly and that whatever ideas I had about my family were shattered...I had a father. More importantly for me at that time; I had a way out of the life I was living.
Prior to that, I prayed that I would discover that I was adopted as a way out of my life and the people around me. Anything was better than admitting that these people calling themselves my family, were all I had. Then, the discovery that not only do babies have to be created by a man and a woman, but that by default I had to have a father, was overwhelming.
My ignorance was down to the fact that my family had lied and concealed a father from me (and my sister who was 12 at this time), and didn't care enough to educate us about this most natural of occurances.
I went into that innocent childhood conversation with solid beliefs about women just having babies when they reached a certain age (I had no idea how) to finding out my life was a lie, and being made a laughing stock at the same time!
Another sad story:
Dawn McManus, Answered 7 years ago
As the youngest of two sisters with a single mum I had never seen a pregnant woman (or if I did, I didn't know it).
Sadly, I grew up having never been told about the birds and bees, and had no concept of love, marriage, sex, relationships or babies and endured ridicule one fateful day in school. I was 10 and in my last year of primary school. I have no idea how the subject arose, but one boy mentioned babies. I innocently asked how old women were when they had babies and if I would have a choice if I wanted one or not.
Perplexed at this, the boy joked that I wouldn't have babies as no man would want to 'give me one!' I said that I didn't need a man to give me a baby, I could do it myself like my mum did. The boy continued that I would still need a man/father to make the baby. I was adamant that that wasn't true as I didn't have a father and I was born, so why would I need a man?
The quips went back and forth until they realised that I had no idea how a baby was conceived, or that I actually had a father somewhere in the world! I went home that day in tears; both at being teased and laughed at so badly and that whatever ideas I had about my family were shattered...I had a father. More importantly for me at that time; I had a way out of the life I was living.
Prior to that, I prayed that I would discover that I was adopted as a way out of my life and the people around me. Anything was better than admitting that these people calling themselves my family, were all I had. Then, the discovery that not only do babies have to be created by a man and a woman, but that by default I had to have a father, was overwhelming.
My ignorance was down to the fact that my family had lied and concealed a father from me (and my sister who was 12 at this time), and didn't care enough to educate us about this most natural of occurances.
I went into that innocent childhood conversation with solid beliefs about women just having babies when they reached a certain age (I had no idea how) to finding out my life was a lie, and being made a laughing stock at the same time!
Dorothy J Heydt
Jan 15, 2021, 8:05:03 PM1/15/21
to
In article <53a2a4e3-3b1d-4ff3...@googlegroups.com>,
begins with an indignant woman saying, "What? First they tell me
I have a tumor; then they tell me it's cancer. And now you
lunkheads tell me I'm pregnant!? As the old joke says, I haven't
been married *or anything.* Now will you stop talking about
babies and let me know if it's safe for me to start any continued
stories?"
And it ended with one doctor saying, "There you are, a perfectly
healthy baby." And the other doctor says, "Without a navel."
I'm sorry to read this. I hope you've managed to come to terms
with the concept by now. If not, maybe see a therapist?
I was reading by the time I was four, and some of my favorite
books were my father's pre-med texts. Pages and pages of
photographs of cell division and embryonic development.
OTOH I thought that the actual act of conception took place under
medical supervision and probably in the doctor's office. I don't
remember when I found out differently, so it can't have been much
of a shock.
Note: I was born in 1942, so my childhood was completely devoid
of Cabbage Patch dolls.
--
Dorothy J. Heydt
Vallejo, California
djheydt at gmail dot com
www.kithrup.com/~djheydt/
Lenona <leno...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>Then again, reading about those theories just might inspire a lot of
>wannabe SF writers!
>
>For example, parthenogenesis DOES happen in a few vertebrates - and
>even, very rarely, birds. But not mammals, I assume! So I assume there
>have been more than a few novels and movies with that theme.
I can remember a story in _Galaxy_ in the early fifties, which
>Then again, reading about those theories just might inspire a lot of
>wannabe SF writers!
>
>For example, parthenogenesis DOES happen in a few vertebrates - and
>even, very rarely, birds. But not mammals, I assume! So I assume there
>have been more than a few novels and movies with that theme.
begins with an indignant woman saying, "What? First they tell me
I have a tumor; then they tell me it's cancer. And now you
lunkheads tell me I'm pregnant!? As the old joke says, I haven't
been married *or anything.* Now will you stop talking about
babies and let me know if it's safe for me to start any continued
stories?"
And it ended with one doctor saying, "There you are, a perfectly
healthy baby." And the other doctor says, "Without a navel."
with the concept by now. If not, maybe see a therapist?
I was reading by the time I was four, and some of my favorite
books were my father's pre-med texts. Pages and pages of
photographs of cell division and embryonic development.
OTOH I thought that the actual act of conception took place under
medical supervision and probably in the doctor's office. I don't
remember when I found out differently, so it can't have been much
of a shock.
Note: I was born in 1942, so my childhood was completely devoid
of Cabbage Patch dolls.
--
Dorothy J. Heydt
Vallejo, California
djheydt at gmail dot com
www.kithrup.com/~djheydt/
Lenona
Jan 15, 2021, 9:22:39 PM1/15/21
to
> I'm sorry to read this. I hope you've managed to come to terms
> with the concept by now. If not, maybe see a therapist?
As I said at the top, I'd never heard of dramatic true stories like the ones I quoted. I.e., I didn't experience anything like that. I'm pretty sure I was told every detail as soon as I was old enough to understand. (I suspect I knew all the basics by age 4.)
Maybe I should have added quotation marks, but I was lazy.
> OTOH I thought that the actual act of conception took place under
> medical supervision and probably in the doctor's office. I don't
> remember when I found out differently, so it can't have been much
> of a shock.
Lenona.
Lenona
Jan 15, 2021, 10:13:29 PM1/15/21
to
And, where do crazy PARENTS like this come from?
Elizabeth Feigele Lechtchiner, Answered 3 years ago:
At the tender age of three, I asked my mom the same question that most little children ask: “Where do babies come from?”
She had no intention of telling me the truth at three years old, so she lied and told me babies grew in the mommy and climbed out of the mouth.
At six, I asked how the mouth could possibly open that wide and she told me God helped.
At 8 and a half, my mom was 5 or 6 months pregnant with my little sisters and I still did not know that she had lied to me. After an ultrasound I heard my parents talking about the fact that one of my little sisters was upside down. When asking my mom what that meant she said that my little sister’s head was pointing upwards instead of downwards. I asked why this was an issue doesn’t my sister have to go out through my mom’s mouth anyway?
At this point my mom had to explain to me the truth and that she had lied to me and kept up this lie the entire time.
It’s safe to say that I have some serious trust issues after that.
Elizabeth Feigele Lechtchiner, Answered 3 years ago:
At the tender age of three, I asked my mom the same question that most little children ask: “Where do babies come from?”
She had no intention of telling me the truth at three years old, so she lied and told me babies grew in the mommy and climbed out of the mouth.
At six, I asked how the mouth could possibly open that wide and she told me God helped.
At 8 and a half, my mom was 5 or 6 months pregnant with my little sisters and I still did not know that she had lied to me. After an ultrasound I heard my parents talking about the fact that one of my little sisters was upside down. When asking my mom what that meant she said that my little sister’s head was pointing upwards instead of downwards. I asked why this was an issue doesn’t my sister have to go out through my mom’s mouth anyway?
At this point my mom had to explain to me the truth and that she had lied to me and kept up this lie the entire time.
It’s safe to say that I have some serious trust issues after that.
Jerry Brown
Jan 16, 2021, 4:09:15 AM1/16/21
to
On Fri, 15 Jan 2021 15:36:53 -0800 (PST), Lenona <leno...@yahoo.com>
wrote:
I'm reminded ot Peter Cook and Dudley Moore's definitive explanation:
<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0Z1QGpTZSo>.
--
Jerry Brown
A cat may look at a king
(but probably won't bother)
wrote:
<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0Z1QGpTZSo>.
--
Jerry Brown
A cat may look at a king
(but probably won't bother)
Hamish Laws
Jan 18, 2021, 9:54:24 PM1/18/21
to
On Saturday, January 16, 2021 at 2:13:29 PM UTC+11, Lenona wrote:
> And, where do crazy PARENTS like this come from?
>
"Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your children"
> And, where do crazy PARENTS like this come from?
>
Dorothy J Heydt
Jan 18, 2021, 10:35:03 PM1/18/21
to
In article <da38c0a7-8154-4ec0...@googlegroups.com>,
Hamish Laws <hamis...@gmail.com> wrote:
>On Saturday, January 16, 2021 at 2:13:29 PM UTC+11, Lenona wrote:
>> And, where do crazy PARENTS like this come from?
Terminal embarrassment.
>On Saturday, January 16, 2021 at 2:13:29 PM UTC+11, Lenona wrote:
>> And, where do crazy PARENTS like this come from?
Lenona
Jan 21, 2021, 2:34:47 PM1/21/21
to
A few more:
From Aika:
When I was a kid, I was curious.
But I had a mind of my own.
I always had and still have my own little theories as to how things happen and work, so I never bothered asking my parents where babies came from.
I always thought that somehow your mothers stomach would open up when it's time to give birth - I though THIS was the miracle of birth. I mean it's pretty magical having your tummy open up by itself when giving birth, right?
When I was 15, my mother and I happened to be talking about babies, I think my aunt was considering a C- Section. My mum and I spoke for some time and eventually ending up saying how babies are born. I WAS FLABBERGASTED!
My mum was shocked that her 15 year old daughter lived her whole life believing something she made up in her head. Up to this day I think about that moment and have quite a laugh.
_____________________________
(this one is from a man, I think)
Yet, one day I was sitting next my uncle ( who’s 5 years older than me ) and he told me the fact that “ there happens a sexual relation between men and women, the woman gets pregnant and after 9 months we come to this life”. To be honest I couldn’t believe him, because as a child the word “sex” was something bad to me.. and I thought only bad people who does have sex. So you can only imagine how I reacted at that moment, I started yelling at him in the face and repeating this sentence ( my parents don’t do that, they are good persons and you are a liar).
Hahahaha I only laugh at myself every time I remember the situation. Well thanks to my uncle I knew how we were born.. LOL!!
________________________
"Reicha Ahluwalia",
When i was a kid i asked my mom from where does the new born babies come from ?
She had always replied : Hospital.
So in my mind it was like whenever a woman is admitted in a hospital she is given a new born baby after discharge.
Once my old unmarried buaji(Father’s sister , age will be in late 50s) was admitted and we all went to see her in hospital. I checked around and didn’t find any new born baby in her room. So i constantly bugging my mom and asking Where is the baby ? When will buaji be bringing baby at home ?
My parents felt so embarrassed infront of her and other relatives while they laughed.
As a child nobody will be told the concept of sex and reproduction so people will always have weird, funny memories of childhood related to it :D
From Aika:
When I was a kid, I was curious.
But I had a mind of my own.
I always had and still have my own little theories as to how things happen and work, so I never bothered asking my parents where babies came from.
I always thought that somehow your mothers stomach would open up when it's time to give birth - I though THIS was the miracle of birth. I mean it's pretty magical having your tummy open up by itself when giving birth, right?
When I was 15, my mother and I happened to be talking about babies, I think my aunt was considering a C- Section. My mum and I spoke for some time and eventually ending up saying how babies are born. I WAS FLABBERGASTED!
My mum was shocked that her 15 year old daughter lived her whole life believing something she made up in her head. Up to this day I think about that moment and have quite a laugh.
_____________________________
(this one is from a man, I think)
Yet, one day I was sitting next my uncle ( who’s 5 years older than me ) and he told me the fact that “ there happens a sexual relation between men and women, the woman gets pregnant and after 9 months we come to this life”. To be honest I couldn’t believe him, because as a child the word “sex” was something bad to me.. and I thought only bad people who does have sex. So you can only imagine how I reacted at that moment, I started yelling at him in the face and repeating this sentence ( my parents don’t do that, they are good persons and you are a liar).
Hahahaha I only laugh at myself every time I remember the situation. Well thanks to my uncle I knew how we were born.. LOL!!
________________________
"Reicha Ahluwalia",
When i was a kid i asked my mom from where does the new born babies come from ?
She had always replied : Hospital.
So in my mind it was like whenever a woman is admitted in a hospital she is given a new born baby after discharge.
Once my old unmarried buaji(Father’s sister , age will be in late 50s) was admitted and we all went to see her in hospital. I checked around and didn’t find any new born baby in her room. So i constantly bugging my mom and asking Where is the baby ? When will buaji be bringing baby at home ?
My parents felt so embarrassed infront of her and other relatives while they laughed.
As a child nobody will be told the concept of sex and reproduction so people will always have weird, funny memories of childhood related to it :D
Lenona
Jan 21, 2021, 2:37:54 PM1/21/21
to
Oh boy, THIS one's good:
Ankit Mishra:
As a child, I was taught about a lot of things (I constantly pestered my brother to teach me things as I loved to learn).
By the time I was around 10 years old, I knew a lot about the human body, from cells to it’s components, from RNA to DNA. (Not that I actually understood everything, just stuff like “Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.”)
However, I knew nothing about where babies come from. So I did what any normal 10 year old kid would do, I started mixing together everything I had learned to theorize where babies come from.
I already knew that the baby comes from the mother, but couldn’t guess what was the father’s involvement. (At first I thought it was just moral support.)
I started believing it has something to do with photosynthesis, because why not?
Then I started thinking about the father’s involvement, and my mind came to the conclusion that the father’s DNA is injected into the mother’s body at the time of marriage.
Conclusion : The mother produces a baby inside of her with the help of the father’s DNA and sunlight.
I was quite proud of this achievement and within a few months, I had complete faith in my theory.
So I decided to share this theory with my brother one day, this is what happened…
Me : Hey, you know where babies come from?
Him : Um… Lets talk about that some other time, I can't teach you that right now.
Me (proudly) : Well, nevermind. I already know.
Him (surprised) : YOU DO?
Me : Yeah, I know Dad’s DNA was injected into Mom when they married, so she just has to sit in the sun for a few hours, and a baby starts growing inside her belly. You know, by photosynthesis.
Him : *waits for a second, then laughs hysterically till the end of time.*
Ankit Mishra:
As a child, I was taught about a lot of things (I constantly pestered my brother to teach me things as I loved to learn).
By the time I was around 10 years old, I knew a lot about the human body, from cells to it’s components, from RNA to DNA. (Not that I actually understood everything, just stuff like “Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.”)
However, I knew nothing about where babies come from. So I did what any normal 10 year old kid would do, I started mixing together everything I had learned to theorize where babies come from.
I already knew that the baby comes from the mother, but couldn’t guess what was the father’s involvement. (At first I thought it was just moral support.)
I started believing it has something to do with photosynthesis, because why not?
Then I started thinking about the father’s involvement, and my mind came to the conclusion that the father’s DNA is injected into the mother’s body at the time of marriage.
Conclusion : The mother produces a baby inside of her with the help of the father’s DNA and sunlight.
I was quite proud of this achievement and within a few months, I had complete faith in my theory.
So I decided to share this theory with my brother one day, this is what happened…
Me : Hey, you know where babies come from?
Him : Um… Lets talk about that some other time, I can't teach you that right now.
Me (proudly) : Well, nevermind. I already know.
Him (surprised) : YOU DO?
Me : Yeah, I know Dad’s DNA was injected into Mom when they married, so she just has to sit in the sun for a few hours, and a baby starts growing inside her belly. You know, by photosynthesis.
Him : *waits for a second, then laughs hysterically till the end of time.*
Lenona
Jan 21, 2021, 2:51:52 PM1/21/21
to
Kushal Patil
I guess as a child I never really thought about it or asked anyone. The first time this ever came up was when I saw a pregnant woman. I was then told that there is a baby growing in her "tummy". I always thought a doctor cuts open the woman's tummy and brings the baby out.
During my teens, I had somewhat become familiar with the differences in the anatomy of men and women. But I still had never given thought to how a baby comes out of a woman. It was in a biology class at school that I first found out. We were being taught a chapter on the reproductive systems and there was a lot of awkward giggling among all of us. When we got to the section about childbirth I remember there was a sort of shocked silence in the entire class. I remember thinking at the time, this is the most impractical way possible to reproduce.
______________________________________
John Doe
This is embarrassing, but here goes nothing…
When I was a child, I had no idea that only females give birth. So whenever I saw a man with a big tummy, I thought he had a baby inside of him.
No one ever said anything about this to me, but I sort of just came up with my own explanation.
I realized two things:
people who eat a lot are fat
people are fat when they have a baby inside of them
So what did I do?
Being the idiot that I was, I drew a straight line connecting those two points, and concluded that babies come from food.
“When someone eats a lot, a baby starts to develop inside of them,” said I in my innocent voice.
What was wrong with me?
______________________________
Elke Weiss
As a child, where did you think babies came from?
Being married.
I had heard our Catholic neighbors talk about the Virgin Mary and it made so much sense to me.
The act of putting on a wedding ring made a woman able to have a baby or more. The ring put babies into the mother’s belly by some technology I didn’t understand.
Hence, Mary’s miracle was she wasn’t married and could still have a child.
Yeah, I was that innocent.
I guess as a child I never really thought about it or asked anyone. The first time this ever came up was when I saw a pregnant woman. I was then told that there is a baby growing in her "tummy". I always thought a doctor cuts open the woman's tummy and brings the baby out.
During my teens, I had somewhat become familiar with the differences in the anatomy of men and women. But I still had never given thought to how a baby comes out of a woman. It was in a biology class at school that I first found out. We were being taught a chapter on the reproductive systems and there was a lot of awkward giggling among all of us. When we got to the section about childbirth I remember there was a sort of shocked silence in the entire class. I remember thinking at the time, this is the most impractical way possible to reproduce.
______________________________________
John Doe
This is embarrassing, but here goes nothing…
When I was a child, I had no idea that only females give birth. So whenever I saw a man with a big tummy, I thought he had a baby inside of him.
No one ever said anything about this to me, but I sort of just came up with my own explanation.
I realized two things:
people who eat a lot are fat
people are fat when they have a baby inside of them
So what did I do?
Being the idiot that I was, I drew a straight line connecting those two points, and concluded that babies come from food.
“When someone eats a lot, a baby starts to develop inside of them,” said I in my innocent voice.
What was wrong with me?
______________________________
Elke Weiss
As a child, where did you think babies came from?
Being married.
I had heard our Catholic neighbors talk about the Virgin Mary and it made so much sense to me.
The act of putting on a wedding ring made a woman able to have a baby or more. The ring put babies into the mother’s belly by some technology I didn’t understand.
Hence, Mary’s miracle was she wasn’t married and could still have a child.
Yeah, I was that innocent.
Lenona
Jan 21, 2021, 3:08:20 PM1/21/21
to
Adarsh Kumar
I was smart as a child and had it all figured out on my own. I had seen my uncle and aunt go to the hospital and come with a cute baby. So obviously the hospital guys were running this business.
When my mom and dad brought my brother home for the first time, I just looked at this tiny baby and then looked angrily at my dad.
Dad: What happened?
Me: Couldn’t you choose the one who could at least walk and talk? How am I supposed to play with him?
Dad(trying to suppress his smile): I didn’t have enough money and this is the best bargain we could get.
Me(unimpressed): When I’ll get a job and earn a lot of money, I’ll show you how it’s done.
My parents couldn’t hold it any longer and burst out laughing, waking up that tiny tot with frog-like big eyes, who till today I think is the best bargain they have got.
___________________________________________
Mihika Tripathi
Back in first grade, I had got into this really ugly fight with a classmate of mine regarding how babies were born. It had started out as a simple conversation but within minutes a whole crowd had gathered around to listen to what we had started shouting about.
The other girl had firmly said that babies were born in a hospital and came from inside the mother, but that just sounded like THE MOST ridiculous explanation I had ever heard. So I told her in the most condescending manner possible that I had personally witnessed childbirth in Zoo Tycoon( a computer game I used to play back then. Yeah, that's where I got to truly “know” about childbirth) and that when the right time came, a shining golden light flashed from the skies and like the tigers gave birth to their cubs in the game so were human babies born in the real world, and that she too was a product of this divine golden light. God, how frustrated she got after that; of course to a bunch of 8 year olds, my version seemed much more realistic than hers and the massive support I received and the jokes that she became centre of make me feel really really happy today because now when I look back to that incident I realise boy I was really lucky and boy I'm even luckier that no one remembers that incident and my version of childbirth TODAY!. What a laughing stock I would be made then!
I was smart as a child and had it all figured out on my own. I had seen my uncle and aunt go to the hospital and come with a cute baby. So obviously the hospital guys were running this business.
When my mom and dad brought my brother home for the first time, I just looked at this tiny baby and then looked angrily at my dad.
Dad: What happened?
Me: Couldn’t you choose the one who could at least walk and talk? How am I supposed to play with him?
Dad(trying to suppress his smile): I didn’t have enough money and this is the best bargain we could get.
Me(unimpressed): When I’ll get a job and earn a lot of money, I’ll show you how it’s done.
My parents couldn’t hold it any longer and burst out laughing, waking up that tiny tot with frog-like big eyes, who till today I think is the best bargain they have got.
___________________________________________
Mihika Tripathi
Back in first grade, I had got into this really ugly fight with a classmate of mine regarding how babies were born. It had started out as a simple conversation but within minutes a whole crowd had gathered around to listen to what we had started shouting about.
The other girl had firmly said that babies were born in a hospital and came from inside the mother, but that just sounded like THE MOST ridiculous explanation I had ever heard. So I told her in the most condescending manner possible that I had personally witnessed childbirth in Zoo Tycoon( a computer game I used to play back then. Yeah, that's where I got to truly “know” about childbirth) and that when the right time came, a shining golden light flashed from the skies and like the tigers gave birth to their cubs in the game so were human babies born in the real world, and that she too was a product of this divine golden light. God, how frustrated she got after that; of course to a bunch of 8 year olds, my version seemed much more realistic than hers and the massive support I received and the jokes that she became centre of make me feel really really happy today because now when I look back to that incident I realise boy I was really lucky and boy I'm even luckier that no one remembers that incident and my version of childbirth TODAY!. What a laughing stock I would be made then!
Lenona
Jan 21, 2021, 3:26:40 PM1/21/21
to
Delilah Gray
As a child, I didn’t need need adults to tell me. I had already figured it out. After all, it was fairly obvious.
When the adults kiss, whoever wants to be pregnant swallows the saliva.
I had to ask my mum where the baby came out of, though.
“When you go to hospital, the doctors press a special button on your tummy and the baby pops out!”
So that’s what the belly button is for! I then proceeded to tell my school friends about my excellent discovery.
__________________________________________________
Delilah Gray's story, unfortunately, reminds me of THIS example of parental selfishness (it's part of a much longer 1992 article that I first read in Utne Reader, long ago):
http://paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2015/01/ultracrepidarianism-and-male-answer.html
Male Answer Syndrome (MAS) is by no means harmless, as my friend Pauline discovered at the age of 8. She had found that eating ice cream made her teeth hurt and asked her father whether Eskimos had the same problem. "No," he said. "They have rubber teeth." Pauline repeated this information in a geography lesson and found herself the laughing stock of the class. That was how she learned that a man, even if he is your own father, would rather make up an answer than admit to his ignorance.
__________________________________________
Chantel Gomez
When I was about 6 years old, I was fascinated by pregnant women and always wondered how they put a baby inside them.
I used to think that when you get married, a magic meatball would fall from the sky and when the woman ate it, a baby grew in her stomach. That’s why humans are made of flesh. As we evolved from meatballs.
I was terrified of eating meatballs and I don’t think I even touched one until I was 8 years old.
P.S I’m eating meatballs as I’m writing this answer.
As a child, I didn’t need need adults to tell me. I had already figured it out. After all, it was fairly obvious.
When the adults kiss, whoever wants to be pregnant swallows the saliva.
I had to ask my mum where the baby came out of, though.
“When you go to hospital, the doctors press a special button on your tummy and the baby pops out!”
So that’s what the belly button is for! I then proceeded to tell my school friends about my excellent discovery.
__________________________________________________
Delilah Gray's story, unfortunately, reminds me of THIS example of parental selfishness (it's part of a much longer 1992 article that I first read in Utne Reader, long ago):
http://paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2015/01/ultracrepidarianism-and-male-answer.html
Male Answer Syndrome (MAS) is by no means harmless, as my friend Pauline discovered at the age of 8. She had found that eating ice cream made her teeth hurt and asked her father whether Eskimos had the same problem. "No," he said. "They have rubber teeth." Pauline repeated this information in a geography lesson and found herself the laughing stock of the class. That was how she learned that a man, even if he is your own father, would rather make up an answer than admit to his ignorance.
__________________________________________
Chantel Gomez
When I was about 6 years old, I was fascinated by pregnant women and always wondered how they put a baby inside them.
I used to think that when you get married, a magic meatball would fall from the sky and when the woman ate it, a baby grew in her stomach. That’s why humans are made of flesh. As we evolved from meatballs.
I was terrified of eating meatballs and I don’t think I even touched one until I was 8 years old.
P.S I’m eating meatballs as I’m writing this answer.
Lenona
Jan 21, 2021, 4:20:16 PM1/21/21
to
Check out this one...talk about mean, prudish parents...(I was going to say "snobbish," but that's really not the right word):
Athena Gliddon
When I was two I announced (loudly I am told) that my mother was going to have a baby and it was going to come out of her tee tee.
At four we had a pregnant Labrador retriever. The two boys down the street were trying to figure out how the babies would get out of her tummy. They swore that there was a flap in her leg that would be the appropriate exit. I told them nu-uh, the babies will come out of her tee tee. They claimed I was a LIAR. I swore that my Mother even told me so. So, these two go home to find out if I was right.
I was never allowed to play with them again because I knew where babies came from.
_______________________________
Andrei Isbasoiu, lives in Romania
As a little child, I had a vague idea of how kids were born, but I didn't understand the process in its entirety.
So at the age of 2 or 3, I asked my mother how are children born. My mom told me what I knew before, which left me very dissatisfied.
I decided to turn to my father, and asked him the same question. He started explaining chromosomes to a 3 year old child.
I didn't quite understand how dad's chromosomes got inside mom, but I was happy with the answer.
I guess it just sounded complex enough for a 3 year old to believe it and not ask any more questions.
Athena Gliddon
When I was two I announced (loudly I am told) that my mother was going to have a baby and it was going to come out of her tee tee.
At four we had a pregnant Labrador retriever. The two boys down the street were trying to figure out how the babies would get out of her tummy. They swore that there was a flap in her leg that would be the appropriate exit. I told them nu-uh, the babies will come out of her tee tee. They claimed I was a LIAR. I swore that my Mother even told me so. So, these two go home to find out if I was right.
I was never allowed to play with them again because I knew where babies came from.
_______________________________
Andrei Isbasoiu, lives in Romania
As a little child, I had a vague idea of how kids were born, but I didn't understand the process in its entirety.
So at the age of 2 or 3, I asked my mother how are children born. My mom told me what I knew before, which left me very dissatisfied.
I decided to turn to my father, and asked him the same question. He started explaining chromosomes to a 3 year old child.
I didn't quite understand how dad's chromosomes got inside mom, but I was happy with the answer.
I guess it just sounded complex enough for a 3 year old to believe it and not ask any more questions.
Kevrob
Jan 21, 2021, 11:07:47 PM1/21/21
to
On Thursday, January 21, 2021 at 3:26:40 PM UTC-5, Lenona wrote:
> Delilah Gray
>
> As a child, I didn’t need need adults to tell me. I had already figured it out. After all, it was fairly obvious.
>
> When the adults kiss, whoever wants to be pregnant swallows the saliva.
>
> I had to ask my mum where the baby came out of, though.
>
> “When you go to hospital, the doctors press a special button on your tummy and the baby pops out!”
>
> So that’s what the belly button is for! I then proceeded to tell my school friends about my excellent discovery.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Delilah Gray's story, unfortunately, reminds me of THIS example of parental selfishness (it's part of a much longer 1992 article that I first read in Utne Reader, long ago):
>
> http://paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2015/01/ultracrepidarianism-and-male-answer.html
>
Calvin's Dad explained things to him, in "Calvin & Hobbes."
> Delilah Gray
>
> As a child, I didn’t need need adults to tell me. I had already figured it out. After all, it was fairly obvious.
>
> When the adults kiss, whoever wants to be pregnant swallows the saliva.
>
> I had to ask my mum where the baby came out of, though.
>
> “When you go to hospital, the doctors press a special button on your tummy and the baby pops out!”
>
> So that’s what the belly button is for! I then proceeded to tell my school friends about my excellent discovery.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Delilah Gray's story, unfortunately, reminds me of THIS example of parental selfishness (it's part of a much longer 1992 article that I first read in Utne Reader, long ago):
>
> http://paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2015/01/ultracrepidarianism-and-male-answer.html
>
http://rfcafe.com/miscellany/humor/calvins-dad-explains.htm
Similar to the nuggets Lucy van Pelt dispensed to her little brother Linus.
The Broadway version, here:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Known_Facts
It's not only us fellows!
--
Kevin R
Dorothy J Heydt
Jan 22, 2021, 10:50:04 AM1/22/21
to
In article <b3e5f0f6-090e-4792...@googlegroups.com>,
to search for a link; it was all over the news. But Dr. Fauci came
back from the WHO and _inter alia_ said, "It's all right to say
'I don't know' now, you don't have to lie."
Kevrob <kev...@my-deja.com> wrote:
>On Thursday, January 21, 2021 at 3:26:40 PM UTC-5, Lenona wrote:
>> Delilah Gray
>>
>> As a child, I didn’t need need adults to tell me. I had already figured it out. After all, it was fairly obvious.
>>
>> When the adults kiss, whoever wants to be pregnant swallows the saliva.
>>
>> I had to ask my mum where the baby came out of, though.
>>
>> “When you go to hospital, the doctors press a special button on your tummy and the baby pops out!”
>>
>> So that’s what the belly button is for! I then proceeded to tell my school friends about my excellent discovery.
>>
>> __________________________________________________
>>
>> Delilah Gray's story, unfortunately, reminds me of THIS example of parental selfishness (it's part of a much longer 1992 article that I first read in Utne Reader,
>long ago):
>>
>> http://paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2015/01/ultracrepidarianism-and-male-answer.html
Ah. I was delighted to read an article yesterday ... I'm not going
>On Thursday, January 21, 2021 at 3:26:40 PM UTC-5, Lenona wrote:
>> Delilah Gray
>>
>> As a child, I didn’t need need adults to tell me. I had already figured it out. After all, it was fairly obvious.
>>
>> When the adults kiss, whoever wants to be pregnant swallows the saliva.
>>
>> I had to ask my mum where the baby came out of, though.
>>
>> “When you go to hospital, the doctors press a special button on your tummy and the baby pops out!”
>>
>> So that’s what the belly button is for! I then proceeded to tell my school friends about my excellent discovery.
>>
>> __________________________________________________
>>
>> Delilah Gray's story, unfortunately, reminds me of THIS example of parental selfishness (it's part of a much longer 1992 article that I first read in Utne Reader,
>long ago):
>>
>> http://paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2015/01/ultracrepidarianism-and-male-answer.html
to search for a link; it was all over the news. But Dr. Fauci came
back from the WHO and _inter alia_ said, "It's all right to say
'I don't know' now, you don't have to lie."
Paul S Person
Jan 22, 2021, 12:46:10 PM1/22/21
to
On Thu, 21 Jan 2021 20:07:44 -0800 (PST), Kevrob <kev...@my-deja.com>
wrote:
>On Thursday, January 21, 2021 at 3:26:40 PM UTC-5, Lenona wrote:
>> Delilah Gray
>>
>> As a child, I didn’t need need adults to tell me. I had already figured it out. After all, it was fairly obvious.
>>
>> When the adults kiss, whoever wants to be pregnant swallows the saliva.
>>
>> I had to ask my mum where the baby came out of, though.
>>
>> “When you go to hospital, the doctors press a special button on your tummy and the baby pops out!”
>>
>> So that’s what the belly button is for! I then proceeded to tell my school friends about my excellent discovery.
>>
>> __________________________________________________
>>
>> Delilah Gray's story, unfortunately, reminds me of THIS example of parental selfishness (it's part of a much longer 1992 article that I first read in Utne Reader, long ago):
>>
>> http://paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2015/01/ultracrepidarianism-and-male-answer.html
>>
>
>Calvin's Dad explained things to him, in "Calvin & Hobbes."
>
>http://rfcafe.com/miscellany/humor/calvins-dad-explains.htm
There was an actual comic strip about it:
<https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1987/04/18>
I was amazed, BTW, at how easy it was to find.
>Similar to the nuggets Lucy van Pelt dispensed to her little brother Linus.
>
>The Broadway version, here:
>
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Known_Facts
>
>It's not only us fellows!
--
"I begin to envy Petronius."
"I have envied him long since."
wrote:
>On Thursday, January 21, 2021 at 3:26:40 PM UTC-5, Lenona wrote:
>> Delilah Gray
>>
>> As a child, I didn’t need need adults to tell me. I had already figured it out. After all, it was fairly obvious.
>>
>> When the adults kiss, whoever wants to be pregnant swallows the saliva.
>>
>> I had to ask my mum where the baby came out of, though.
>>
>> “When you go to hospital, the doctors press a special button on your tummy and the baby pops out!”
>>
>> So that’s what the belly button is for! I then proceeded to tell my school friends about my excellent discovery.
>>
>> __________________________________________________
>>
>> Delilah Gray's story, unfortunately, reminds me of THIS example of parental selfishness (it's part of a much longer 1992 article that I first read in Utne Reader, long ago):
>>
>> http://paxonbothhouses.blogspot.com/2015/01/ultracrepidarianism-and-male-answer.html
>>
>
>Calvin's Dad explained things to him, in "Calvin & Hobbes."
>
>http://rfcafe.com/miscellany/humor/calvins-dad-explains.htm
<https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1987/04/18>
I was amazed, BTW, at how easy it was to find.
>Similar to the nuggets Lucy van Pelt dispensed to her little brother Linus.
>
>The Broadway version, here:
>
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Known_Facts
>
>It's not only us fellows!
--
"I have envied him long since."
Robert Carnegie
Jan 22, 2021, 5:43:25 PM1/22/21
to
Can I say... I'm out.
Message has been deleted
Lenona
Jan 23, 2021, 12:50:19 AM1/23/21
to
Alex Dolce, Science and Fantasy Junkie, "Writer"
I used to think that when two people got married, if at least one of them was a woman, a baby would be made.
At the same time however, I recognized that animals ‘mated’, which I kinda though of as animal marriages.
But again, I did know that sex existed, I just thought that humans didn’t have to do it and instead only the truly depraved ones had sex.
I was really trying hard to justify why sex existed since I hated it so much.
__________________________________________________
I used to think that when two people got married, if at least one of them was a woman, a baby would be made.
At the same time however, I recognized that animals ‘mated’, which I kinda though of as animal marriages.
But again, I did know that sex existed, I just thought that humans didn’t have to do it and instead only the truly depraved ones had sex.
I was really trying hard to justify why sex existed since I hated it so much.
__________________________________________________
Lenona
May 17, 2021, 5:31:56 PM5/17/21
to
From 2016:
"54 People Confess How They Learned About Sex For The First Time"
They're all pretty funny and fascinating. You have to scroll carefully, since some of the stories get split by ads.
Some of the more memorable ones: 3, 5, 6, 12, 27, 31, 37, 41, 43, 44, 47, 52, 54.
https://thoughtcatalog.com/lorenzo-jensen-iii/2016/04/54-people-confess-how-they-learned-about-sex-for-the-first-time/?utm_campaign=related&utm_source=thoughtcatalog&utm_term=lorenzo-jensen-iii
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