My Top 10 "Who Are You?" Answers
Crawf
I love this thread, but I have mislaid the original, so I will have
to forgo attributions. Much apologizings. Crawf thinking great
thoughts...
As I have been told more than once, by regulars as well as irregulars,
that I have too much time on my hands, we bring you this, the latest
top 10 list from the Temporal Instability Modulating Engine (TIME) on
Epilson 3...
MY TOP 10 ANSWERS TO "WHO ARE YOU?"
10. ZATHRAS -- Crawf is used to being beast of burden to other
people's teaching loads. Very sad career. Probably have
very sad end, but at least there is symmetry. They say
that Crawf it quite mad. It is good that Crawf does not
mind. He's even grown to like it. Crawf can never have
anything nice.
9. LONDO -- I have always been alone. I have also learned to
embrace the madness of the times and seem to have turned
into a wishing well with legs (particularly at the end of
each term).
8. VIR -- I too would like to see some heads upon pikes. In my
case, however, the nominee list is long enough that should
my wishes come true, I would probably be known as Crawf the
Impaler. I work in academia. After a while, nothing bothers
you.
7. KOSH -- My students will tell you I sound more and more like
a Vorlon with each passing term and that my answers are
short, to the point, utterly useless, and totally consistent
with what they've come to expect from instructors. Once the
exam has begun, it is too late for the pebbles to cram.
6. G'KAR -- Everyone ignores my warnings about the return of an
ancient enemy. I have also seen that the future isn't what
it used to be. If I have any religious visions, however,
I'm heading straight for detox.
5. GARIBALDI -- I know what I know because I have to know it.
If I don't have to know it, I don't tell me and I don't
let anyone else tell me, either. A secretary at a previous
job got a kick out of watching me process my snail/campus
mail. I'd quickly sort it into two piles and then shove
one (usually the bigger) into the trash. I try not to get
involved in my own life. Too much trouble.
4. IVANOVA -- I seem to be paying off karma at a vastly accelerating
rate. The universe is also having far too much fun at my
expense. I've also suggested loading certain problem people
into a ship and firing them into the sun (with no better success,
alas :-).
3. DELENN -- I often tell less than I know, and I only tell you
what you need to know and what is in your best interest. If
you find out on your own, I might have to kill you.
2. SHADOWS -- When I shimmer in from hyperspace near someone, it
really freaks them out. Nobody has a clue about what I want
(or, more likely, no one cares). Some of my work associates
are *really* creepy.
and, MY #1 ANSWER TO THE "WHO ARE YOU?" THREAD
1. JOE -- If I see bits of myself in multiple characters, that must
mean I'm most like Joe. I'm not sure which one of us should
be most frightened by that possibility... :-)
What inquiring minds *really* want to know is will this be the thread
where we finally learn that...
Steve Orso is really a Minbari. How else would he know so much about
Valen?
Gharlane is really a First One. After all, he has always been here.
Jan Potts is a sleeper planted by PsyCorps to keep an eye on rastb5m.
What else other than hair color does she share with Talia?
Alta Brewer is really a Narn. Who else would realize that STV could
mean "snout to vent" as well as Sic Transit Vir?
larry crawford
lcra...@wittenberg.edu
still putting the psycho in psychobiology
ne...@ssbunews.ih.lucent.com
In article <1996Jul1...@mickey.wittenberg.edu>,
Crawf <lcra...@mickey.wittenberg.edu> wrote:
>Jan Potts is a sleeper planted by PsyCorps to keep an eye on rastb5m.
>What else other than hair color does she share with Talia?
Hrumph! Well, I can tell you one way in which I am definitely NOT
like Talia. I don't run AC/DC. Sorry I'm just a boring old het.
Always have been, always will be. Women are nice and they make very
good friends, but ah just *loves* men, that is when they aren't doing
something stupid that makes me want to rip their lungs out. :-p
I also don't have a gravely voice and the only time I wear gloves
is when I'm house cleaning.
Actually, I think I'm much more like Ivanova. Don't let the blonde
hair and smiling demeanor fool you. You've never been on the wrong
side of an argument with me before. ;-)
Jan Potts
(aka Ivana Potslekova)
--
JRP
"BLONDE? Blonde? You didn't TELL me you were a blonde....."
--Gharlane of Eddore
orso steven n
WARNING! SPOILER SPACE INSERTED TO ACCOMMODATE A PHRASE BORROWED FROM
"War Without End, Part 2"!
(The reference is veiled, but if you are hypersensitive about spoilers,
leave this post now! It is not for you!)
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lcra...@mickey.wittenberg.edu (Crawf) writes:
>MY TOP 10 ANSWERS TO "WHO ARE YOU?"
[Crawf's multiple personalities wiped]
>What inquiring minds *really* want to know is will this be the thread
>where we finally learn that...
>Steve Orso is really a Minbari. How else would he know so much about
>Valen?
In Valen's name! Is that preposterous rumor in circulation again?
I find this notion of a newsgroup a fascinating but sometimes troubling
concept. While this incessant curiosity may seem necessary to you,
where I come from we respect the privacy of others by not prying into
their affairs.
Nevertheless, I shall respond, in the hope of finally putting this
remarkable allegation to rest. So, for The One and the only time, from
the home office on--well, let's just say the information fell from the
sky--here are
THE TOP NINE REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD
NOT BELIEVE THE RUMOR THAT I AM A MINBARI
And so it begins . . .
9. I would never tell you anything that was not in your best interest.
Believe it, until experience teaches you otherwise!
8. If I've said it once, I've said it eleventy-six times: It just
isn't so!
7. Even if I were using a changling net to masquerade as a Human, its
energy signature would still register on the scanners. (Well, maybe
I could crosswire it with a narrow-range stealth-tech anti-tracking
unit, but, of course, this is entirely hypothetical.)
6. I have never posted to this newsgroup in Lenn-ah, Fik, or Adrenato,
and ne plage t'krallenn vishtar, mu tahlin clortiss zhash.
5. Beings who refer to other beings as "boneheads" are known to me.
Over the years, they have sent out posts to test their ideas and
to investigate the newsgroups they encounter. Their last intrusion
was into my netspace. I tracked them back to their ISP and made
sure they understood the depth of their mistake.
4. I do not feature a self-contained refrigeration unit . . . Sorry,
that's from the "Top Nine Reasons I Am Not A Mini-Bar."
3. No Minbari could possibly spend as much time on this newsgroup as
I do and still have time to cook properly. (As it is, I hardly
ever get to use my recipe for Quenelles of Flarn and Spoo in Red
Fruit Sauce, which are to die for.)
2. There are no scratches on the stainless steel headboard in my
bedroom.
And the number one reason that was, that is, and that will be why you
should not believe the rumor that I am a Minbari is . . .
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[We're sorry. Just as Stevenn was about to finish off this list, he
broke off transmission without a word of explanation.]
NEROS1MOM
Excuse me while I insinuate myself. May I be an irregular? I don't *do*
regular - not coffee, not soda, not intervals and definitely not
television.
SPOILER PROTECTION TO WWE2, again that is spoilers to ww2.
I'm
thinking
of
thinking
of
having
a
lobotomy
right
after
my
afternoon
nap
I'm
think....Aaaaak (sound of strangling in background) Oops, need more lines.
so
many
fishes
in
the
sea
so
man........WHAM!
>From the temporal rift in Sector 14, reponding to the tachyon emmissions
of the ever numerically concious Mr. Crawford.
MY TOP 10 ANSWERS TO "WHO ARE YOU?"
10. Lennier and Vir - In insurance much obedience and very little
understanding is involved. No one ever listens until it is too late.
Lots of comings and goings. I'm always nervous.
9.Londo - I am always plagued by moon faced assasins of joy. My shoes are
too tight and I have forgotten how to dance, but not how to kick. When
some pathological liar looks me in the eye, all I want to do is pluck it
out!
8. G'Kar - Alas, all must be insured so that some can be paid. A very
sad time. It is my hope that soon I too can sing and consider pleasure
thresholds. Hoping to be spared Deity delusions, guess I *must* watch
those chemical additives..
7.Ivanova - She is *much* more cheeful than I am. I always have at least
fifteen things to deal with, all of them annoying. We do share a *love* of
surprises. Mine usually are no crash yesterday, no crash today, there is
always a crash tomorrow. *Sigh* I'll be in the car. I am not the Goddess
of Darkness for nothing.
6.Sinclair - I've a matching hole in my mind, a negative sense of
direction, write notes to myself that I never read in a timely fashion and
associates as comprehensible as Zathras. If something goes wrong I am
"The one". (Need I say more?).
5. Sheridan - A glass of whiskey, a gun and two bullets, my standard
office supplies!
4. Morden - I too have a smirk. Mine is lethal whereas his is only
menacing. I can execute it with laser precision, and the result is
invariably fatal. Should you see it run for the nearest airlock. Eveyone
tells me what they want. I tell 'em what they'll get!
3. Garibaldi - All I have to say about this is that is has to do with
universes, favorite things and numerical order, and is *much* to personal
to be discussed here! (Just to state that my *entire* personality is not
negative).
2. Marcus - A definite soul mate. Anytime I turn my back, someone,
ususally a lawyer, asks to be paid. Things always go wrong at precisely
the worst moment.We definitely share the same *policy* on fairness. Though
I am still repressed. (workin' on that, can't you tell?).
MY NUMBER 1 ANSWER TO THE "WHO ARE YOU" THREAD
1. KOSH! Is there anything more crytic than insurance? I *am* the nail!
Prospect has been in an avalanche..
tweet-chortle- beep "it is to late to insure" fizz-pop
I had an accident.
gurgle-snap-"Good"-crackle-thunk
Can I get a policy?
zip-fasten-snap "Perhaps"screech-blip
I don't have any accidents or violations
clang-ring-buzz "Incorrect!" mumble-erp
Why are my premiums so high?
bang-bump-thump "IMPUDENT!" gasp-aaaak
I don't understand my coverage.
whine-grind-burp "Understanding is a three edged sword,
Yours, mine and the policy in between" toot-howl. (adapted from a poster)
I would like to start a policy now
gurgle-hack-snort "You are not ready" wheeze-sneeze
Am I insured?
"That would be telling" (How did *he* get here? Whir-rumble
"He has always been here" gasp-flush Oh.....)
Doreen M. Rymkiewicz
Suffering from terminal keyboarditis
NEROS1MOM
Not so fast Mr. Orso!
I will wait to see the test results from your *soul* examination.
Please don't delete Crawf's mulitple personalites, he may need them, maybe
not on this timeline but *sometime*.;-)
Must dash Narn Bat Squad is here to break my funny bone. They promise it
will make a most *satisfying* thump.
Doreen M. Rymkiewicz
Sometime humorist, often pontificator, constant valuer, blessed lunatic
P.S. I would just *love* your recipies!! *Please*