>I still read this newsgroup occasionally, but not very often. I'm preoccupied with other matters right now, and have a very busy >schedule. Also, I have Aspergers, which impairs my organisation and time management.
What is Asparagus?
>It's nice to see you again. I hope you are well. I didn't feel offended or bothered by anything you said in email. I'm guessing that >you have sometimes been rejected by other people in social situations in the past, and that you feel confused about why this >is. So, you're left wondering what's OK to say and what isn't. Social situations must feel like an invisible minefield to you, and >this must be a tough burden to live with. You are very brave and strong to continue trying your best in the face of all this.
It is also nice to see you, I am well. I am sorry that I have responded so late
>You don't need to feel so guilty and apologetic all the time. You're a good person and you contribute positively to the world >around you. You try your best in the face of difficult circumstances that are beyond your control. There are plenty of selfish >jerks around, and you're not one of them. That janitor you told me about seems like a nasty bully and a prize idiot.
I no longer do the job I really hate and despise; many years ago I have lost my job and I am one extended sick leave ever since. I am doing voluntary work that gives me no stress at all. So I am not so desperate any more and I am waiting with patience for things to come…
In which way am I contribute positively to the world around me? Most of the time I am feeling that I am a burden to JMS.
>Here is my case formulation of you, as of last we talked, which admittedly was several years ago. You most likely meet criteria >for an Axis II delusional disorder, as your psychiatrist(s) diagnosed you with. An Axis II disorder is generally less severe than >an Axis I disorder. You don't meet criteria for schizophrenia, which involves delusions, hallucinations and disordered thinking. >You only have delusions, and those delusions that you have are not severe in intensity. Your logical understanding of causality >is not impaired, but you sometimes engage in delusions as a defence mechanism to protect your self-esteem and manage >core identity issues.
I don’t meet criteria of schizophrenia because I am on medication against my delusions.
>psychiatrists often speak of "delusional guilt". My interpretation of delusional guilt is that it typically involves a negative schema, >combined with an impairment in your ability to use rational evidence to counter the negative thoughts you've had about >yourself.
I have a negative self-image I am suffering of.
>Your IQ seems to be above average (tests can measure it more precisely), and you're smart enough to learn more than one >language. Your vocabulary in English, which isn't your first language, is pretty good. Your ability to understand the world >around you does not seem to be impaired, except for your negative self-image and delusions pertaining to yourself and your >core identity. The Babylon 5 questions, such as "Who are you?" and "What do you want" are worth considering. They're not >easy questions to answer. It's painful to be yourself, so you use delusions as a form of escapism.
I have learned through "Who are you?" and "What do you want" that Vantu is just as fictional creation as Santa or the Easter Bunny. I am no longer letting him drive mine life with the help of proper medication!
>Last we talked, you were comfortable and perhaps even enthusiastic about receiving help and support in this newsgroup. >Consequently, I'm assuming that you're consenting to hearing the above material publicly. Please accept my apologies in the >event that this assumption of mine was inaccurate.
Your assumption was accurate, no need to apologize; it gives us something to talk about it in this newsgroup.
>It's pretty quiet in here these days, and I'm not going to be around much. That's why I figured I'd give you this formulation now, >for you to take away with you if you wish. I'd like to be clear that nothing I say to you online can take the place of formal >therapy in "real life" in your local area. So, if you're seeing professionals such as a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist, please >be guided by them. If you wish to print out this post of mine and show it to a professional you're seeing locally, please feel free >to do so.
I am seeing professionals such as psychiatrist. I have been committed two times into a mental institution before they had find the right doses to defeat my schizophrenia .
>The reason we lost contact is not due to your psychosis, or anything about you, or anything that you said or did. I simply got >too busy doing other things, and lost contact with other people besides you. I'm not very good at keeping up with email >correspondence. I'd lose my head if it wasn't screwed on. Your apology is definitely accepted, and wasn't necessary in the first >place.
Thank you for accepting my apology…
>Take care, and I wish you all the best. I'll hopefully see you on this newsgroup again sometime
I am visiting it on a daily basis now I have found you