Online Orifice Ornithology

Crawf

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Aug 21, 1996, 3:00:00 AM8/21/96

to

I should've known the minute I left town you sickos would get into
Kinky Bird Stuff. As someone who has published a couple of journal
articles on avian necrophilia (don't ask and I won't tell :-), I
guess it falls to me to do this post. I've probably handled more
birds than most on the group, but it never occurred to me to shove
any up my butt (although there are those experiments on cloacal
size and...nevermind :-).

Now that Joe has warned us about Posterior Parrot People, we can
now bring you:

ONLINE ORIFICE ORNITHOLOGY

CARDINAL -- religious nut, with high, sharp call, particularly
when excited.

AMERICAN COOT -- conspicuous, noisy, and aggressively territorial.
Has been known to rail from a very young age.

COMMON LOON -- exteremely awkward on land, noted for distraction
displays. Has an eerie, lonely cry. (NB: online fees are
NOT paid by the North American Loon Fund)

COMMON SNIPE -- often thinks it's invisible even when in full sight.
Explosive, noisy takeoff when flushed.

CROW -- mostly a trickster, and not much trouble except when
stark raven mad.

WILD TURKEY -- only abusive when drunk.

SCREECH OWL -- post vitrol late at night by the light of a full moon.

MOCKINGBIRD -- accomplished mimic, harrasses anything that comes
near its space.

COWBIRD -- a brood parasite that lays its eggs in the nest of other
species. Spreads chaos by mangling attributions. Don't
have a cowbird, man!

SKUA -- genus Stercorarius means "excrement eater." 'Nuff said.

GULL -- a true rat with wings. Thrives off the garbage of others.

OSTRICH -- defensive response is to stick own head up butt.

VULTURE -- only attacks those unlikely to fight back.

GNATCATCHER -- hyperactive, good at catching small stuff like
gnats, but not good at catching big stuff like camels.

HARRIER -- lives for the kill.

NUTHATCH -- looks at the world upside down.

and, if we ever get Ellison online, he'd have to have a Harlan's
Hawk. :-)

In closing, even if you never encounter any of the more exotic
forms of birds up the butt, remember...we'll always have parrots.

[For those who insist on a stronger B5 connection, speculation on
what birds might be up what character butts follows. Without further
ado, we begin our Guano Guide.]

Londo -- peacock

Lenneir -- bald eagle

Kosh -- phoneix

Garibaldi -- Daffy

Sinclair -- duck (*this* is why we've never seen it :-)

Ivanova -- griffin

Franklin -- ibis (animal of Thoth, inventer of numbers)

Morden -- tengu (protector of remote and lonely places, delights
in promoting war)

G'Kar -- owl (omen of death and disaster)

Sheridan -- raven (trickster)

Delenn -- crane (fertility)

Vir -- halcyon

larry crawford
lcra...@wittenberg.edu

still putting the psycho in psychobiology

JD Paul

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Aug 24, 1996, 3:00:00 AM8/24/96

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Crawf (lcra...@mickey.wittenberg.edu) wrote:

: Lenneir -- bald eagle
<blaatt>

: Kosh -- phoneix
<snort>

: Garibaldi -- Daffy
<bwah-hah-hah>

: Sinclair -- duck (*this* is why we've never seen it :-)
<rotfl>

: Delenn -- crane (fertility)
--> Ouch!

You're one big freak, Larry Crawford.

And I don't mean that in any namby-pamby way, either.

:-)

NEROS1MOM

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Aug 25, 1996, 3:00:00 AM8/25/96

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In article <1996Aug2...@mickey.wittenberg.edu>,
lcra...@mickey.wittenberg.edu (Crawf) writes:

>In closing, even if you never encounter any of the more exotic
>forms of birds up the butt, remember...we'll always have parrots.

Sure Larry you flew the coop and when you return its for the birds! I've
got a wishbone to peck with you!

I'd say more but I guess I'm er... ahem... CHICKEN!!!

Boy those worms look good!

Ducking....

Doreen M. Rymkiewicz
Somtime humorist, often pontificator, constant valuer, blessed lunatic