[Sith War]: Total Recall
Jade
The Archon - A name by which all things in the universe, living or
dead, once trembled.
Those were the days of the last great Sith Wars. Now the occasion of a
Sith War is marked by haughty declarations, soon followed by abrupt
silence and ennui. Where once were great tomes of usenet legend,
scribed in blood, or maybe that was really really red ink, only a
greeting card that Hallmark would scorn is ever added to the Fabric of
Sith War's disturbing tapestry.
That's right, I said greeting card. Something like: "We heard you were
having a Sith War today, so we wanted to send you a card full of
money" *open card* "but we spent all the money on the card. Happy Sith
War!"
I am only Jade now. The empire I once jockeyed is run by much better
Porkinites than myself. I longed to dominate the universe, but that
fire has been long since doused in cheap ale and lurid days at the
Wookie massage parlors. The happy ending will kill you if you aren't
prepared.
Another lifetime ago I sent ranks happily to their doom with only a
wave of my hand. That's what I remember the most. Probably because I
never sent any ranks to victory. Now I have only my 37 cats to hiss at
when they crowd around my dirty socks mewling.
On the days when I play racquet ball, they ignore the hissing and
continue to feast. I hate cats. I'm not even sure where these cats
came from. But I love them as though they were my children. Even
though I hate them.
Fate served me a death sentence this morning when it rapped at my door
in the form of a small, big headed child who can't say "S"es because
of some problem with his teeth. I know him as my paperboy, Sam.
I call him 'Tham' just to see him start to cry. The pain of others
still gives me joy. Today he made me cry. Another Sith War was
beginning. It was covered in the back page of the RASSM gazette next
to a story about the winner of the RASSM city spelling bee. A big
picture of an origami frog.
I wasn't sure what it meant or who was behind it. It may have
something to do with the city itself turning into a similar looking
origami frog just yesterday. I can't read very well, which is why I
have to spend so much time at the library.
But I recall something from a trip to the judicial history of RASSM.
An obscure mandate, a long forgotten clause or passage. There had been
precedent. An ancient conflict of the past had been recalled. It might
be possible to end this before it starts, for the honor of Porkins, I
could still do something evil.
I found my rotting robes and settled them on my shoulders for the
first time in an age. their weight was nearly unbearable now. I had to
remove the anvil I previously used as a belt buckle, for my 104 lb
weight did not need such a cinching.
I threw some bricks at the cats in a loving goodbye and, stepping on
the oversized robes I fell down the stairs of my building toward the
library.
The rest shall be seen in time.
Jade
Muuurgh
"Jade" <galacti...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:np56ov0nsi68gtuii...@4ax.com...
>
> The Archon - A name by which all things in the universe, living or
> dead, once trembled.
>
> Those were the days of the last great Sith Wars. Now the occasion of a
> Sith War is marked by haughty declarations, soon followed by abrupt
> silence and ennui. Where once were great tomes of usenet legend,
> scribed in blood, or maybe that was really really red ink, only a
> greeting card that Hallmark would scorn is ever added to the Fabric of
> Sith War's disturbing tapestry.
>
> That's right, I said greeting card. Something like: "We heard you were
> having a Sith War today, so we wanted to send you a card full of
> money" *open card* "but we spent all the money on the card. Happy Sith
> War!"
>
> I am only Jade now. The empire I once jockeyed is run by much better
> Porkinites than myself. I longed to dominate the universe, but that
> fire has been long since doused in cheap ale and lurid days at the
> Wookie massage parlors. The happy ending will kill you if you aren't
> prepared.
I don't think I'm prepared.
Oh Jadey, whilst thou proclaimest thy sex?
-Muuurgh
>
> Jade
>
>
>
>