[SITH WAR 2003]: Och, Aye!
policrat'
Hervé Villachez! Git me Ponte oan the hypercomm. An' a translatour an aw',
gif ye can."
"Would you like me to hadle the whole business?" asked the GSV _Sing When
You're Winning_, mildly but with some amusement.
"Aye," McEwok shrugged. "Maks some kind o' sense..."
***
Elsewhere, Jan Van Hire, King of the Münster Anabaptists smiled slowly.
"Potential allies?" he asked, his voice a deep growl. "Do you have any idea
whose non-player characters we are? And 'space anabaptist' - with incorrect
punctuation besides?! We're Münster Anabaptists, and I suspect you need
reminded of the fact."
The Jedi Hacker turned slowly in his swivel-chair, blinking in disbelief.
Apart from the broadsword slung over his shoulder on a leather strap, the
grim, bearded man in front of him was stark naked. All the same, he looked
about as vulnerable as a Death Star.
The armoured soldiers who surrounded him seemed pathetic in comparrison, but
while their halberds and basket-hilted swords might have been laughable in
any other situation, HackBoy realised with growing horror that he was
unarmed.
Then, at the back of the group, he caught sight of a girl with green eyes
and red-gold hair. He'd always thought of himself as a stud, he just hadn't
found the right woman... yet...
"Who are you?" he quavered. "How did you get in here?"
The girl with the red-gold hair smiled at him, and he blinked in surprise.
For a moment, his expression seemed vacant, and then a change came over his
face.
"How the fuck did I get here?!" XiangPi asked. "And what's this naked man
doing here? And who's _she_?!"
"And what about those haemmorhoid thingys?" added the Space Amish
"I have haemmorhoids?" XiangPi asked. "Typical, I die and get amnesia and my
body gets taken over by HackBoy while my own clone screws me over, and now
*this* happens? Man, this sucks!"
"Asteroids," corrected King Jan. "And don't worry about them. I think
they're being taken care of."
"You've given me a colonic irrigation?" XiangPi asked. "Aw, shit!"
***
On the overbridge of his Death Star, the droid R5-P1 blinked in surprise.
Something *had* to be wrong with his sensors... or else the ship which had
just come out of *somewhere* was insanely huge, even by Sith War standards -
the size of a sizeable moon, in fact.
"Oh, shiiii...!" he began to warble, as, out in space, the massive
battleship with the gleaming sun-coloured hull did *something*.
R5-P1's Death Star exploded in a spectacular fireball, and the last thing
the droid on the overbridge saw was the banks of repeater-screens in front
of him shattering into white-hot shards, a microsecond before the fury of
the battlemoon's exploding hypermatter reactor tore through the bulkhead
behind them.
In the depths of the RASSM System, R5-P1's swarms of work-droids and
thruster-packs flared out of existance. Space seemed to shrug and shimmer,
and the comets were back on their safe, familiar courses...
As if nothing except a Sith War or two had ever happened at all to disturb
the tranquility of the outer reaches of RASS* space...
***
Elsewhere, the Jedi Hacker was getting more and more puzzled.
"I'm just a figment of your imagination," Jan van Hire explained mildly.
"But this is Mara. She's a... gift, I suppose. A token of our estimation of
our alliance with you."
Mara stepped lithely out through the guards, wrapped her bare arms around
his shoulders, and began to nibble teasingly on his ear.
"Hey," he muttered. "Kewl."
***
"That doesn't make sense," Simon H. Lee objected.
"Just relax," McEwok smiled. "It's all under control."
"Gumby, I'm hungry," pointed out Rainbow Heron. They were following a few
yards the Imperial officer and his leather-clad friend - and the Pokemon
were a few yards behind *them*. Tolkein had never seemed to have bothered
with the practcialities of foraging, and they were all wondering how long it
would before they had to start extorting fodder for the horses and Pokemon
from unfortunate Eastfarthing franklins at the point of McEwok's lightsaber.
"Would someone mind telling me what I'm doing here?" Bill Anderson asked,
appearing round the corner ahead of them in a cart, disguised by a hippy
beard and grey pointy hat with a broad brim, and carrying a large
walking-stick in one hand.
"That's easy," McEwok answered with an insufferable grin. "You're with us.
We're making it up as we go along. Or testing Tolkein's plot to destruction.
Or something. I'm sure there'll be a volcano, some pretty camerawork, and
some extravagantly beautiful women. And even some elves for the ladies."
Then he paused, and took a careful step back, glancing quickly into the blue
sky above them as he did so. "Hang on... incoming."
There was a sound like a scream, and an imposing figure in a uniform frogged
and fripped in understated extravagance splatted into the muddy puddle
between the party of Sith Warriors and Bill's cart.
"You bastard," Steve Tilson spiffled, pulling himself out of the mud and
brushing down his cloak irritably. "You thoroughgoing *fucking* bastard!"
"Relax," McEwok assured him with a smile. "The _Surly Punk_ is sitting in
geostationary orbit. We've brought some extra firepower in on this one..."
A strange, steady sound spoke from the far side of the cart. Puzzled, the
Sith Warriors hurried round to see where the noise was coming from. It was
Bill, banging his head rhythmically off a convenient brick wall.
***
"What did you do to him?" asked the Space Amish, staring in bemusement at
the box which the near-naked red-haired girl from van Hire's entourage had
laid on the table. If he'd not been Space Amish, he might have recognized it
as an isolated and comm-hardened positronic nexus.
"Oh?" Jan van Hire shrugged. "I've trapped the "Hacker" personality in a
private world of his own. Whether he makes it a personal heaven or a
personal hell is entirely his own choice. Now we'd best be getting out of
here, brother. I don't know if any of us want to get caught up in this...
but it's a big Galaxy out there for us to find some place to settle in."
"Thank you, brother," the Space Amish nodded, rising to his feet with
slightly intemperate haste. _Where's Jedah Muad'dib when you need him?_ he
added silently to himself as he swung past van Hire's bodyguard and strode
out the blast-doors.
"And you?" XiangPi asked, his gaze flickering from the nexus box to the
naked man in front of him. "What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to leave you to get on with this war," Jan van Hire answered.
"We'll monitor the situation, of course, but we don't tend to get involved
with the likes of you unless you *get* us involved... especially when you
have your own C'Pi clone to take care of"
"Thanks," XiangPi nodded, with a gulp of uncharacteristic nervousness. "I
think...."
***
[Summary]
The CounterCulture wants to form an alliance with Ponte against whoever it
was that mistook McEwok for Hervé Villachez...
The Münster Anabaptists and Space Amish have better taste than to ally
themselves with HackBoy. They've left the Sith Warriors to their own
business...
An _Utu_-class battleship of the Fourth Imperium (or possibly just the
flagship of the Lords of the Instrumentality) has trashed the droid Pi's
warfleet and restored the asteroids to their rightful orbits...
A miscellaneous group of Sith Warriors are gathering on the planet Middle
Earth (half way from Tatooine to the RASS* Sector, near enough to Endor),
trying to put the Balance Point Thread back in DejaNews where it belongs.
Thankfully, they have at least one Imperial Star Destroyer...
The "HackBoy" personality (an artificial 'sidekick' personality created by
R5-P1, as revealed in Sith War 2002) has been shunted into its own private
universe by the Münster Anabaptists. They don't think he's beyond salvation,
and they don't really want to hurt him. They might allow anyone whose avatar
he abuses to get involved... but they really think he should know better
than that by now, if he's not just a troll...
As a collateral to this, XiangPi is back in action (again)...
***
Pol'
Penguinista
> [Summary]
>
> The CounterCulture wants to form an alliance with Ponte against whoever it
> was that mistook McEwok for Hervé Villachez...
>
> The Münster Anabaptists and Space Amish have better taste than to ally
> themselves with HackBoy. They've left the Sith Warriors to their own
> business...
>
> An _Utu_-class battleship of the Fourth Imperium (or possibly just the
> flagship of the Lords of the Instrumentality) has trashed the droid Pi's
> warfleet and restored the asteroids to their rightful orbits...
I object! Those comets were a setup for a snowstorm. Otherwise, R5-P1
was headed out of the story, pending unexpected developements. Looks
like I need to call in a recovery clause.
>
> A miscellaneous group of Sith Warriors are gathering on the planet Middle
> Earth (half way from Tatooine to the RASS* Sector, near enough to Endor),
> trying to put the Balance Point Thread back in DejaNews where it belongs.
> Thankfully, they have at least one Imperial Star Destroyer...
>
> The "HackBoy" personality (an artificial 'sidekick' personality created by
> R5-P1, as revealed in Sith War 2002) has been shunted into its own private
> universe by the Münster Anabaptists. They don't think he's beyond salvation,
> and they don't really want to hurt him. They might allow anyone whose avatar
> he abuses to get involved... but they really think he should know better
> than that by now, if he's not just a troll...
Someone hasn't been paying attention. Hacker built R5-P1, R5-P1
developes delusions. And containing the hacker inside a computer never
works for long. Especially when the model has discontinuities with his
prior existance.
>
> As a collateral to this, XiangPi is back in action (again)...
You mean the body the Hacker occupied 'til halfway through the last war
wasn't completely wrecked?
>
> ***
>
> Pol'
>
I Shall Arise Again!
Steve...@rightbehindyou.com
> policrat' wrote:
> > [Summary]
> >
> > The CounterCulture wants to form an alliance with Ponte against whoever
> > it was that mistook McEwok for Hervé Villachez...
> >
> > The Münster Anabaptists and Space Amish have better taste than to ally
> > themselves with HackBoy. They've left the Sith Warriors to their own
> > business...
> >
> > An _Utu_-class battleship of the Fourth Imperium (or possibly just the
> > flagship of the Lords of the Instrumentality) has trashed the droid
> > Pi's warfleet and restored the asteroids to their rightful orbits...
>
> I object! Those comets were a setup for a snowstorm. Otherwise, R5-P1
> was headed out of the story, pending unexpected developements. Looks
> like I need to call in a recovery clause.
*sigh*
This. Is. A.
SITH WAR.
Things DO NOT happen as planned*. Don't complain about it; deal with it.
Don't editorialize; fictionalize.
...
>
> Someone hasn't been paying attention. Hacker built R5-P1, R5-P1
> developes delusions. And containing the hacker inside a computer never
> works for long. Especially when the model has discontinuities with his
> prior existance.
Don't talk about it. WRITE it.
> > As a collateral to this, XiangPi is back in action (again)...
>
> You mean the body the Hacker occupied 'til halfway through the last war
> wasn't completely wrecked?
Apparently not. Or it was restored somehow. Would you please friggin'
RELAX already?
> I Shall Arise Again!
Arise all you want, as long as you don't go around molesting people
anymore.
Steve Tilson
* You don't, for instance, see me complaining about how thoroughly Pol's
post trashes my Iraq war parody ideas. Big deal. I'll manage.
--
The avalanche has begun. It is too late for the pebbles to vote.
Reality bomb
<Steve...@rightbehindyou.com> wrote in message
news:20030130082941.708$w...@newsreader.com...
Ted Hacker = Annoying Man Infinitum
Jade
policrat'
when I was brought on board!
> Penguinista <pe...@nospam.calweb.com> wrote:
>> policrat' wrote:
>>> [Summary]
>>>
>>> The CounterCulture wants to form an alliance with Ponte against whoever
>>> it was that mistook McEwok for Hervé Villachez...
>>>
>>> The Münster Anabaptists and Space Amish have better taste than to ally
>>> themselves with HackBoy. They've left the Sith Warriors to their own
>>> business...
>>>
>>> An _Utu_-class battleship of the Fourth Imperium (or possibly just the
>>> flagship of the Lords of the Instrumentality) has trashed the droid
>>> Pi's warfleet and restored the asteroids to their rightful orbits...
>>
>> I object! Those comets were a setup for a snowstorm. Otherwise, R5-P1
>> was headed out of the story, pending unexpected developements. Looks
>> like I need to call in a recovery clause.
>
> *sigh*
>
> This. Is. A.
>
> SITH WAR.
>
> Things DO NOT happen as planned*. Don't complain about it; deal with it.
> Don't editorialize; fictionalize.
>
> ...
Hear him! Hear him!
>> Someone hasn't been paying attention. Hacker built R5-P1, R5-P1
>> developes delusions. And containing the hacker inside a computer never
>> works for long. Especially when the model has discontinuities with his
>> prior existance.
>
> Don't talk about it. WRITE it.
Aye!
>>> As a collateral to this, XiangPi is back in action (again)...
>>
>> You mean the body the Hacker occupied 'til halfway through the last war
>> wasn't completely wrecked?
>
> Apparently not. Or it was restored somehow. Would you please friggin'
> RELAX already?
HackBoy was delusional ...
>> I Shall Arise Again!
>
> Arise all you want, as long as you don't go around molesting people
> anymore.
>
> Steve Tilson
> * You don't, for instance, see me complaining about how thoroughly Pol's
> post trashes my Iraq war parody ideas. Big deal. I'll manage.
Yeah. I know. Should be... fun...
Or something...
Hang on a minuite lads... I've got a great idea...
Pol'