Lame joke thread....

3 views
Skip to first unread message

Steven E

unread,
Nov 27, 2001, 4:26:03 PM11/27/01
to
Okay, people. Enough serious stuff...
Hit me with your best lame joke. Doesn't have to be SW related, but extra
points will be given to those who can.
Mo' lamer, mo' better.


Example:

How many Sith Lords does it take to change a lightsaber blade?
One to hold the hilt, and as many that will attempt it until the supply of
mechanical hands runs out.

--
"You've heard about fury in a woman scorned, haven't you?
Well, that's nothing compared to the fury of a woman who
has been cheated out of tricks or treats" - Linus van Pelt

http://www.geocities.com/steven_basic

Peter Hanely

unread,
Nov 27, 2001, 9:33:06 AM11/27/01
to
Steven E wrote:

> Okay, people. Enough serious stuff...
> Hit me with your best lame joke. Doesn't have to be SW related, but extra
> points will be given to those who can.
> Mo' lamer, mo' better.
>
> Example:
>
> How many Sith Lords does it take to change a lightsaber blade?
> One to hold the hilt, and as many that will attempt it until the supply of
> mechanical hands runs out.
>

How many klingons does it take to change a light bulb?
They wouldn't bother. They're not afraid of the dark.

How many sith to change a light bulb?
Always 2, a master and an apprentice.

--
The Jedi Hacker
"A Jedi uses the code for queries and filters, never for cracks."


Paula

unread,
Nov 27, 2001, 6:03:42 PM11/27/01
to

"Peter Hanely" <han...@no-spam.calweb.com> wrote in message
news:3C03A422...@no-spam.calweb.com...

> Steven E wrote:
>
> > Okay, people. Enough serious stuff...
> > Hit me with your best lame joke. Doesn't have to be SW related, but
extra
> > points will be given to those who can.
> > Mo' lamer, mo' better.

What kind of coffee did they serve on the Titanic?
Sanka

Does Palpatine wear boxers or briefs?
Depends

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

Why don't ant-eaters get sick?
Because they're full of antibodies.

Paula

Daniel Olin Miller

unread,
Nov 27, 2001, 6:04:12 PM11/27/01
to
On 27 Nov 2001, Steven E wrote:

> Okay, people. Enough serious stuff...
> Hit me with your best lame joke. Doesn't have to be SW related, but extra
> points will be given to those who can.
> Mo' lamer, mo' better.

How do you know a field service rep when he's changing his tire?

He's changing one tire at a time to see which one is flat.


How do you tell a field service rep when his car has overheated?

He's changing one tire at a time to see which one is flat.

How do you know it's your field service rep?

The spare is flat too.

Daniel O. Miller

Rainbow Heron

unread,
Nov 27, 2001, 7:18:09 PM11/27/01
to
On 27 Nov 2001 15:26:03 -0600, Steven E
<steven...@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote:

>Okay, people. Enough serious stuff...
>Hit me with your best lame joke. Doesn't have to be SW related, but extra
>points will be given to those who can.
>Mo' lamer, mo' better.

Ok I'll byte.

1)
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't believe it's a lightbulb, prove it.

2)
A Hindu, a Jew* and a lawyer are on a trip and need a place to stay
the night. They come to an inn and the keeper says that there are only
2 rooms left so one of them will have to sleep in the barn. The Hindu
says he'll go sleep in the barn and everyone goes to sleep.

After a while, the Hindu knocks on the doors of the Jew and the lawyer
and says: "I can't sleep out there in the barn, there's a cow out
there!" So the Jew says he'll go sleep in the barn. Everyone goes back
to sleep.

After a while the Jew knocks on the doors of the Hindu and the lawyer
and says: "I can't sleep in the barn, there's a pig out there!" So the
lawyer says he'll go sleep in the barn. Everyone goes back to sleep.

After awhile there's another knock on the doors...it's the cow & the
pig and they say: "We can't sleep in the barn there's a lawyer out
there!"

*either that or a pig worshipper (as it was told to me), but that
doesn't make any sense...

3)
Why did Luke Skywalker shoot out the controls that extend the bridge
before learning he needed to extend the bridge?

He's a dumb blonde.

4)
If Rudyard Kipling were in The Phantom Menace, what would he have
written?

Gungan Din


-Rainbow Heron
(sig ducks in anticipation of thrown objects or at least a loud groan)

Sorry, that's all I could come up with right now.
==========================================
http://web.infoave.net/~rkanderson/rassm/swc.htm
Rainbow Heron's Sith War Characters Page

Steven E

unread,
Nov 27, 2001, 10:51:18 PM11/27/01
to
Luminous beings are we, not this crude han...@no-spam.calweb.com.

>How many klingons does it take to change a light bulb?
>They wouldn't bother. They're not afraid of the dark.

-10 points for bringing "trek" into a star wars group

> How many sith to change a light bulb?
> Always 2, a master and an apprentice.

10 points for standard lame lightbulb joke.
5 points for SW reference.

Steven E

unread,
Nov 27, 2001, 10:54:26 PM11/27/01
to
Luminous beings are we, not this crude m...@yourmoms.house.

> What kind of coffee did they serve on the Titanic?
> Sanka

1 point

> Does Palpatine wear boxers or briefs?
> Depends

Hah!
20 points for lame incontinance joke.


5 points for SW reference.

> What do you call a cow with no legs?
> Ground beef

1 point

> Why don't ant-eaters get sick?
> Because they're full of antibodies.

* rolling eyes *
10 points

Steven E

unread,
Nov 27, 2001, 10:56:01 PM11/27/01
to
Luminous beings are we, not this crude dmil...@ecn.purdue.edu.

>How do you know a field service rep when he's changing his tire?
>He's changing one tire at a time to see which one is flat.

5 points

>How do you tell a field service rep when his car has overheated?
>He's changing one tire at a time to see which one is flat.

5 points

>How do you know it's your field service rep?
>The spare is flat too.

5 points

Too repetitive:
-10 points

Steven E

unread,
Nov 27, 2001, 11:00:32 PM11/27/01
to
Luminous beings are we, not this crude rainbo...@ftc-i.net.

>Ok I'll byte.

Don't know if that was meant as a joke, but funny none the less.
5 points

>1)
>How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>They don't believe it's a lightbulb, prove it.

2 points


>2)
>A Hindu, a Jew* and a lawyer

Too long, got bored.
-10 points

>3)
>Why did Luke Skywalker shoot out the controls that extend the bridge
>before learning he needed to extend the bridge?
>He's a dumb blonde.

SW reference:
5 points
Fact that this is not a joke but horible truth:
-5 points

>4)
>If Rudyard Kipling were in The Phantom Menace, what would he have
>written?
>Gungan Din

* slight smile *
Good one.
20 points
5 points for SW reference

Steven E

unread,
Nov 27, 2001, 11:02:26 PM11/27/01
to
Luminous beings are we, not this crude rhan...@optonline.net.

>I think a "pig worshipper"

Not a joke.
-100 points for lame attempt at explaining lame joke.

Chris Schumacher

unread,
Nov 27, 2001, 11:53:42 PM11/27/01
to
On 27 Nov 2001 15:26:03 -0600, Steven E
<steven...@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote:

>Okay, people. Enough serious stuff...
>Hit me with your best lame joke. Doesn't have to be SW related, but extra
>points will be given to those who can.
>Mo' lamer, mo' better.
>
>
>Example:
>
>How many Sith Lords does it take to change a lightsaber blade?
>One to hold the hilt, and as many that will attempt it until the supply of
>mechanical hands runs out.
>

How many stormtroopers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they keep missing the socket.

You're walking down an alleyway, you have a gun with two bullets in
it. Suddenly, from out of the darkness come three figures: Palpatine,
Darth Vader, and Jar Jar Binks. What do you do?
Shoot Jar Jar twice, just to make sure.

Thank you, I'm here all evening.

-==Kensu==-

Steven E

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 12:10:20 AM11/28/01
to
I knew it! I'm surrounded by Chris Schumacher(kensu...@hotmail.com)!

> How many stormtroopers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
> None, they keep missing the socket.

10 points for lame lightbulb joke.
5 points for Sw reference.

>You're walking down an alleyway, you have a gun with two bullets in
>it. Suddenly, from out of the darkness come three figures: Palpatine,
>Darth Vader, and Jar Jar Binks. What do you do?
>Shoot Jar Jar twice, just to make sure.

* Its funny cuz its true *
15 points


5 points for SW reference


--
This sig out of order.
We apologize for the inconvienience.

Simon H. Lee

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 12:24:09 AM11/28/01
to
Steven E <steven...@nospam.yahoo.com> choreographed a chorus line of
high-kicking electrons to spell out:

>Okay, people. Enough serious stuff...
>Hit me with your best lame joke. Doesn't have to be SW related, but extra
>points will be given to those who can.
>Mo' lamer, mo' better.

One hundred and thirty-seven lemmings walked into a bar...

Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.

--
______(-o-)___A L L D O N E ! B Y E B Y E !____<*>__________
| __ "The Internet is where lunatics are
| (__ * _ _ _ _ internetworked worldwide at the speed of light.
| __)|| | |(_)| \ *This* is progress?" --J. Shinal

Kim Le

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 12:41:50 AM11/28/01
to

I just have to ask. What happened to the other 32?

-- Kim Le

Simon H. Lee

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 1:02:12 AM11/28/01
to
sq...@poik.net (Kim Le) choreographed a chorus line of

I hit Send too soon.


-- - Simon -
ALL DONE! BYE BYE!

Kim Le

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 1:16:13 AM11/28/01
to

But the last lemming! What happened to the last lemming?! Dammit, man,
I have to know!

-- Kim Le

Simon H. Lee

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 1:23:21 AM11/28/01
to

I'm glad someone's counting. I'm not ;)

ouch.

--
__ (-o-) <*> A L L D O N E! B Y E B Y E!


(__ * _ _ _ _

__)|| | |(_)| \ "Mmm... unexplained bacon."

Princess Buttercup's Castle of Mayhem

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 2:59:55 AM11/28/01
to
"Chris Schumacher" <kensu...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:3c046cd...@news.tds.net...

ROTFLMAO!

PB


Princess Buttercup's Castle of Mayhem

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 3:01:30 AM11/28/01
to
"Simon H. Lee" <n...@here.edu> wrote in message
news:9u1vth$i90$3...@news01.cit.cornell.edu...

That was a lame joke but Kim made it funny. My tummy hurts now. :P

PB


Drew Stile

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 6:06:21 AM11/28/01
to
30 pts. w/ Kim's help
(1 for Simon, 29 for Kim)

"Simon H. Lee" <n...@here.edu> wrote in message
news:9u1vth$i90$3...@news01.cit.cornell.edu...

Policrat'

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 9:18:03 AM11/28/01
to
Do not underestimate the power of the Dark Simon H. Lee:

Ouch.

> ______(-o-)___A L L D O N E ! B Y E B Y E !____<*>__________
> | __ "The Internet is where lunatics are
> | (__ * _ _ _ _ internetworked worldwide at the speed of light.
> | __)|| | |(_)| \ *This* is progress?" --J. Shinal

Pol'

Steven E

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 9:25:55 AM11/28/01
to
Hello. My name is Simon H. Lee. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

10 points to Simon for lame joke.
20 points to Kim Le for dogged determination.

Steven E

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 9:26:50 AM11/28/01
to
Hello. My name is Drew Stile. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

> 30 pts. w/ Kim's help
> (1 for Simon, 29 for Kim)

-100 points for trying to hand out points.

NeshaKovalick

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 7:44:22 AM11/28/01
to
Rich Handley wrote:
>
> X-No-archive: yes.
> Quoth rainbo...@ftc-i.net (Rainbow Heron):

> >A Hindu, a Jew* and a lawyer are on a trip and need a place to stay
> >the night. They come to an inn and the keeper says that there are only
> [SNIP]

> >*either that or a pig worshipper (as it was told to me), but that
> >doesn't make any sense...
>
> I think a "pig worshipper" makes a lot more sense than a Jew in this
> instance. We Jews don't worship pigs, whereas cows are sacred to
> Hindus; therefore, a Jew wouldn't have a problem sleeping where pigs
> are kept penned the way a Hindu would have a problem sleeping where
> cows are kept penned.

It depends on just how Jewish you are, though.

True story - we used to live in a mostly Hassidic neighborhood, but we
had two neighbors who were lesbians and not Jewish (and were both named
Kate, but that's beside the point.) And they had a pet pig. It certainly
was a very safe neighborhood to be a pig. The pig used to get out of its
pen sometimes and go running down the sidewalk, to the great
consternation of the neighbors because pigs are *unclean*. They not only
wouldn't eat Hilda, they wouldn't sleep with her either.

Cows roam free in Hindu nations, which is most
> likely why the Hindu in the joke is so distraught. He doesn't have a
> problem sleeping among cows -- they're sacred animals, after all, so
> being around them would definitely not disgust him -- it's that these
> cows are locked up that bothers him. A Jew might not want to EAT the
> pig, but he'd have no religious objection per se to seeing one kept in
> a barn (or to sleeping among them, for that matter -- if he has to
> sleep in a barn, being near a cow is no worse than being near other
> animals). It's only the lawyer that anyone in the joke actually has a
> problem being near. :)

Did you hear that they wouldn't let an old lady on an airplane last week
because she had knitting needles in her bag?

They were afraid she was going to knit an Afgahn.

Nesha

Galactic Boobies

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 1:08:47 PM11/28/01
to

"Policrat'" <policr...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:B82AA29A.CEE2%policr...@hotmail.com...

You meant Och!

Jade
--
You're cut off!

Galactic Boobies

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 1:11:07 PM11/28/01
to

"Steven E" <steven...@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9166A9AC11358st...@64.42.194.50...

> Okay, people. Enough serious stuff...
> Hit me with your best lame joke. Doesn't have to be SW related, but extra
> points will be given to those who can.
> Mo' lamer, mo' better.

Eighty-year-old Bessie bursts into the recreation room of the men's
retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and saucily
announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand, can have sex with me
tonight!"

A witty, elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"

Bessie thinks a minute and replies, "Close enough!"

Jade
--
Da dum dum

Steven E

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 1:21:44 PM11/28/01
to
Hello. My name is NeshaKovalick. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

> It depends on just how Jewish you are, though.

-10 points for adding lame explaination to lame joke.

>Did you hear that they wouldn't let an old lady on an airplane last week
>because she had knitting needles in her bag?
>
>They were afraid she was going to knit an Afgahn.

* snicker *
25 points


--
"You've heard about fury in a woman scorned, haven't you?
Well, that's nothing compared to the fury of a woman who
has been cheated out of tricks or treats" - Linus van Pelt

http://www.geocities.com/steven_basic

Steven E

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 1:23:53 PM11/28/01
to
Hello. My name is Galactic Boobies. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

>Eighty-year-old Bessie bursts into the recreation room of the men's
>retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and saucily
>announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand, can have sex with me
>tonight!"
>A witty, elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
>Bessie thinks a minute and replies, "Close enough!"

10 points for lame joke.

>Jade
>--
>Da dum dum

5 points for just being Jade.

Galactic Boobies

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 2:44:05 PM11/28/01
to

"Steven E" <steven...@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:Xns91678ACA559CAst...@64.42.194.50...

> Hello. My name is Galactic Boobies. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
>
> >Eighty-year-old Bessie bursts into the recreation room of the men's
> >retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and saucily
> >announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand, can have sex with me
> >tonight!"
> >A witty, elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
> >Bessie thinks a minute and replies, "Close enough!"
>
> 10 points for lame joke.
>

*spikes the ball and then drinks it*

> >Jade
> >--
> >Da dum dum
>
> 5 points for just being Jade.
>

"Somebody" better get ready for some lovey stuff! *puckers*

Jade
--
Are these points redeemable for valuable cash and prizes?


Galactic Boobies

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 2:49:00 PM11/28/01
to

"Steven E" <steven...@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:Xns91678ACA559CAst...@64.42.194.50...

> Hello. My name is Galactic Boobies. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
>
> >Eighty-year-old Bessie bursts into the recreation room of the men's
> >retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and saucily
> >announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand, can have sex with me
> >tonight!"
> >A witty, elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
> >Bessie thinks a minute and replies, "Close enough!"
>
> 10 points for lame joke.
>

*spikes the ball and then drinks it*

> >Jade


> >--
> >Da dum dum
>
> 5 points for just being Jade.
>

"Somebody" better get ready for some lovey stuff! *puckers*

Celaeno

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 7:02:41 PM11/28/01
to
You will not evade me, Steven E <steven...@nospam.yahoo.com>:

>Okay, people. Enough serious stuff...
>Hit me with your best lame joke. Doesn't have to be SW related, but extra
>points will be given to those who can.
>Mo' lamer, mo' better.

What do you do if a blonde throws a thermal detonator at you?
Activate it and throw it back.


Rakelle
--
There was an old man
From Peru, whose limericks
Were really haiku

Policrat'

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 7:32:09 PM11/28/01
to
Do not underestimate the power of the Dark Galactic Boobies:

'Ouch!' is a perfectly acceptable alternative orthography...

> Jade

Pol'

Steven E

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 11:46:49 PM11/28/01
to
I knew it! I'm surrounded by Galactic Boobies(jad...@my-deja.com)!

>>10 points for lame joke.

>>5 points for just being Jade.
>
>"Somebody" better get ready for some lovey stuff! *puckers*

* blushes *

>Jade
> --
>Are these points redeemable for valuable cash and prizes?

Don't know...
It depends on how far the thread goes...

Steven E

unread,
Nov 28, 2001, 11:44:24 PM11/28/01
to
I knew it! I'm surrounded by Celaeno(cel...@shavenwookie.nospam.com)!

>What do you do if a blonde throws a thermal detonator at you?
>Activate it and throw it back.
>
>Rakelle

15 points for dumb blonde joke.


5 points for Sw reference.

Princess Buttercup's Castle of Mayhem

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 2:15:44 AM11/29/01
to
"Steven E" <steven...@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:Xns916762993A244st...@64.42.194.50...

> Hello. My name is Drew Stile. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

LOL!

PB
smelling line pineapple!


DarthGumby

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 4:40:56 AM11/29/01
to
On Wed, 28 Nov 2001 18:11:07 GMT, Galactic Boobies
telepathically conveyed:

>"Steven E" <steven...@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message

>> Okay, people. Enough serious stuff...
>> Hit me with your best lame joke. Doesn't have to be SW related, but extra
>> points will be given to those who can.
>> Mo' lamer, mo' better.
>
>Eighty-year-old Bessie bursts into the recreation room of the men's
>retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and saucily
>announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand, can have sex with me
>tonight!"
>
>A witty, elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
>
>Bessie thinks a minute and replies, "Close enough!"
>
>Jade

ROTFLOL!

*now that everyone's looking my way*

eh... a string goes into a bar, the bartender says "we
don't serve your kind here!" the string goes outside,
pulls bits of his feet apart, bends himself in some
wild contortion and goes back in.

The bartender says "weren't you the string that just
came in here?"

The string says "No, I'm a frayed knot."

*dodges tomato*

DG

and the pills are a-kickin' in! Whhheezzzzzzzzzzzzz....

(I wonder what drugs my spell checker's on. It offered
Choreographically as a replacement for
Whhheezzzzzzzzzzzzz)

Steven E

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 10:08:31 AM11/29/01
to
Hello. My name is DarthGumby. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

>*now that everyone's looking my way*
>
>eh... a string goes into a bar, the bartender says "we
>don't serve your kind here!" the string goes outside,
>pulls bits of his feet apart, bends himself in some
>wild contortion and goes back in.
>
>The bartender says "weren't you the string that just
>came in here?"
>
>The string says "No, I'm a frayed knot."

* holds head in both hands, groans *

10 points for lame joke.

> and the pills are a-kickin' in! Whhheezzzzzzzzzzzzz....

1 point for admitting above joke was drug induced

Skuzz

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 10:53:51 AM11/29/01
to

"Steven E" <steven...@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9166A9AC11358st...@64.42.194.50...

> Okay, people. Enough serious stuff...
> Hit me with your best lame joke. Doesn't have to be SW related, but extra
> points will be given to those who can.
> Mo' lamer, mo' better.
>

"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Avon"
"Get lost, we don't want any!"


How do you make a cat go "WOOF!"?


Douse it with gasoline and throw it in the fireplace.


--
Skuzz the Merciless


Daniel Olin Miller

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 11:54:11 AM11/29/01
to

A bear walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender turns him down,
saying, "I'm sorry, we don't serve beers to bears in this bar."

The bear becomes agitated. "If you don't serve me a beer, I'll... I'll...
I know! I'll eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar!"

"Sorry," says the barkeep, "we don't serve beers to bears in this bar."

The bear goes over and eats the barfly. He comes back to the barkeep and
says, "NOW will you serve me a beer?"

"No," says the bartender, "we don't serve beers to bears in this bar, and
not to drug users either."

"Drug users?"

"Sure. That was a bar bitch you ate."


Daniel O. Miller

Steven E

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 10:59:52 AM11/29/01
to
Hello. My name is Daniel Olin Miller. You killed my father. Prepare to
die.

>A bear walks into a bar and orders a beer.
[snip]

1 point

Steven E

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 11:01:44 AM11/29/01
to
Hello. My name is Skuzz. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

> "Knock, knock"
> "Who's there?"
> "Avon"
> "Get lost, we don't want any!"

-5 points ( not a joke )

> How do you make a cat go "WOOF!"?
> Douse it with gasoline and throw it in the fireplace.

* Ha! *

20 points

( I am a cat owner, but it is still funny. )

C'Pi

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 12:20:32 PM11/29/01
to

"Steven E" <steven...@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9168725962FFDst...@64.42.194.50...

> Hello. My name is Daniel Olin Miller. You killed my father. Prepare to
> die.
>
> >A bear walks into a bar and orders a beer.
> [snip]
>
> 1 point

Booooooooo!

The ref needs glasses.

C'Pi
Heckling from the peanut gallery.


Galactic Boobies

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 12:31:57 PM11/29/01
to

"Steven E" <steven...@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9166A9AC11358st...@64.42.194.50...

> Okay, people. Enough serious stuff...
> Hit me with your best lame joke. Doesn't have to be SW related, but extra
> points will be given to those who can.
> Mo' lamer, mo' better.
>

Oh, you had to go and make it a competition...

QUESTION: If a fire hydrant has H2O on the inside, what is on the outside?

ANSWER: K9P

or one of my personal favorites:

These two really dumb guys were walking along the beach one day. They had
never been to a beach before and they were in absolute awe of all the
seagulls. As they looked up in amazement, one of the birds took a dump on
one dumb guy's head. "Oh my goodness," said the other. "I'll run back to the
car and get some toilet paper!"

"Don't bother," said the splattered one, "I kinda think he'll be gone by the
time you get back!"

Jade
--
*ROFL* You see the one dumb guy thought the toilet paper was for...aw hell.


Daniel Olin Miller

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 12:36:45 PM11/29/01
to
On 29 Nov 2001, Steven E wrote:

> Hello. My name is Daniel Olin Miller. You killed my father. Prepare to
> die.
>
> >A bear walks into a bar and orders a beer.
> [snip]
>
> 1 point

One? Just ONE point!? I thought mo' lamer mo' better. And that was
pretty lame - a real groaner. Was I misinterpreting the rules?

Another entry:

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar, and the bartender says,
"What is this, some kind of joke?"


Daniel O. Miller

Steven E

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 11:31:43 AM11/29/01
to
Hello. My name is C'Pi. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

>> 1 point
>
> Booooooooo!
>
> The ref needs glasses.
>
> C'Pi
> Heckling from the peanut gallery.


* puts glasses back on *

All decisions are final.
Please respect the judgement of the...
...well, the judge.

Steven E

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 11:37:46 AM11/29/01
to
Hello. My name is Galactic Boobies. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

>Oh, you had to go and make it a competition...

* lightening flashes, thunder rolls *
"Hahahahahaha! The power! The power!"
* straightens tie, smooths hair *


>If a fire hydrant has H2O on the inside, what is on the outside?

>K9P

* Eewww... *
5 points

>These two really dumb guys were walking along the beach one day.

[snip]


>"I kinda think he'll be gone by the time you get back!"

* cute, in a distrubing sort of way *
10 points

> Jade

5 points for being Jade

Daniel Olin Miller

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 12:40:25 PM11/29/01
to
On Fri, 30 Nov 2001, C'Pi wrote:

>
> "Steven E" <steven...@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns9168725962FFDst...@64.42.194.50...
> > Hello. My name is Daniel Olin Miller. You killed my father. Prepare to
> > die.
> >
> > >A bear walks into a bar and orders a beer.
> > [snip]
> >
> > 1 point
>
> Booooooooo!
>
> The ref needs glasses.

From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar,
like the beating of the storm waves on a stern and distant shore.

"Kill him! Kill the umpire!" shouted someone on the stand,
and it's likely they'd have killed him had not Casey raised his hand.

With a smile of Christian charity, great Casey's visage shone,
he stilled the rising tumult, he bade the game go on.

Daniel O. Miller

Thanks C'Pi.

PS: The joke works better if told out loud.

Daniel Olin Miller

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 12:57:36 PM11/29/01
to
On 29 Nov 2001, Steven E wrote:

> 5 points for being Jade

Never mind what I said before. Kill the umpire!


Daniel O. Miller

Steven E

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 11:56:24 AM11/29/01
to
Hello. My name is Daniel Olin Miller. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

>>>A bear walks into a bar and orders a beer.
>>[snip]
>>
>>1 point
>
>One? Just ONE point!? I thought mo' lamer mo' better. And that was
>pretty lame - a real groaner. Was I misinterpreting the rules?

Lame is in the eye of the beholder.
"There is a fine line between comedy and tragedy."

>Another entry:

Way to go, get back on that horse.

5 points for being a good sport.

>A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar,
>and the bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

10 points.

Ian Motter

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 1:13:50 PM11/29/01
to

Steven E wrote:
>
> I knew it! I'm surrounded by Chris Schumacher(kensu...@hotmail.com)!
>
> > How many stormtroopers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
> > None, they keep missing the socket.
>
> 10 points for lame lightbulb joke.


> 5 points for Sw reference.
>

> >You're walking down an alleyway, you have a gun with two bullets in
> >it. Suddenly, from out of the darkness come three figures: Palpatine,
> >Darth Vader, and Jar Jar Binks. What do you do?
> >Shoot Jar Jar twice, just to make sure.
>
> * Its funny cuz its true *

Good one, Homer.

> 15 points
> 5 points for SW reference

Ian Motter

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 1:32:12 PM11/29/01
to

Steven E wrote:
>
> Okay, people. Enough serious stuff...
> Hit me with your best lame joke. Doesn't have to be SW related, but extra
> points will be given to those who can.
> Mo' lamer, mo' better.

*****************************

An Irishman is walking down the beach. He sees a bottle buried in the sand.
He picks it up and wipes the sand off of it and WOOM! a genie appears!

"I'll grant you three wishes for freeing me," said the genie.

The Irishman scratches his chin for a moment and then asks for a bottle
of Irish whiskey. *fwip!* And there it is. The Irishman opens the bottle
and downs the whole thing in one drink. Amazingly the bottle refills itself!
He drinks the whole thing down again, and it fills up again!

He gets very excited and the genie asks about his two other wishes.

The Irishman's eyes light up and he says, "I'll have two more of these!"

*******************************

A Jedi walks into a bar and asks for drink.
The bartender pours him a drink and slips in some LSD.
This was the first recorded Jedi Mind Trip.

*******************************

There was a race between an X-Wing and a Y-Wing. Who won?
Neither, it was a TIE.

*******************************

Thank you.

Ian

Skuzz

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 1:50:35 PM11/29/01
to

"Steven E" <steven...@nospam.yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:Xns916872AA1D52Est...@64.42.194.50...

> Hello. My name is Skuzz. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
>
> > "Knock, knock"
> > "Who's there?"
> > "Avon"
> > "Get lost, we don't want any!"
>
> -5 points ( not a joke )

Expectation jokes don't count? Fine, try this....

Two rednecks are out hunting when one of them falls to the ground and
his eyes roll back in his head. The other guy phones 911 on his cell.
"Help! Help! My freind Zeke is dead! What do I do?!"
The operator says, "Calm down sir. First thing to do is make sure he's
really dead."
"Okay" the redneck says.
BANG!
"Now what?"


What's orange and red and looks good on Gungans?
Fire


--
Skuzz the Merciless

Steven E

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 12:41:49 PM11/29/01
to
Hello. My name is Ian Motter. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

>An Irishman is walking down the beach.

[snip]


>"I'll have two more of these!"

5 points

>This was the first recorded Jedi Mind Trip.

* You weak minded fool! *
5 points for joke
5 points for SW reference.

>There was a race between an X-Wing and a Y-Wing. Who won?
>Neither, it was a TIE.

1 point ( X-wing/Y-wing to TIE reference lacks something )


5 points for SW reference

Steven E

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 12:47:41 PM11/29/01
to
Hello. My name is Skuzz. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

>>> "Avon"


>>> "Get lost, we don't want any!"

>Expectation jokes don't count?

Knock knocks are jokes, Avon / get lost happens too often to be funny.

>Fine, try this....

Let me have it, I'm ready...

>Two rednecks are out hunting

[snip]
>BANG! "Now what?"

* sniff... my pappy died like that... *
10 points

>What's orange and red and looks good on Gungans?
>Fire

5 points for lame joke


5 points for SW reference

Steven E

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 1:55:18 PM11/29/01
to
Hello. My name is Ian Motter. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

>>* Its funny cuz its true *
>
>Good one, Homer.

Actually, it was a reference to a Will & Grace show I watched. I think
Homer was more of a "It's funny cuz I don't them".

Ian Motter

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 2:25:16 PM11/29/01
to

Steven E wrote:
>
> Hello. My name is Ian Motter. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
>
> >An Irishman is walking down the beach.
> [snip]
> >"I'll have two more of these!"
>
> 5 points
>
> >This was the first recorded Jedi Mind Trip.
>
> * You weak minded fool! *
> 5 points for joke
> 5 points for SW reference.
>
> >There was a race between an X-Wing and a Y-Wing. Who won?
> >Neither, it was a TIE.
>
> 1 point ( X-wing/Y-wing to TIE reference lacks something )

That one was more of a bad pun, than a joke....

How long does Luke Skywalker sleep?
A Jedi Knight.

Peter Hanely

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 6:22:52 AM11/29/01
to
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
(Oldie, but I think a goodie)

How many Ewoks to change a light bulb?
What's a light bulb?

How many Ewoks to light a lamp?
Only one. Unless Logrey is involved, when they have the whole
tribe in a fire lighting ceremony.

--
The Jedi Hacker
"A Jedi uses the code for queries and filters, never for cracks."


Steven E

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 1:39:29 PM11/29/01
to
Hello. My name is Ian Motter. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

>>( X-wing/Y-wing to TIE reference lacks something )


>
> That one was more of a bad pun, than a joke....

It was a bad something...

>How long does Luke Skywalker sleep?
>A Jedi Knight.

* falls over on floor, twitching - anime style *

5 points for lame joke.


5 points for SW reference.

Steven E

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 1:45:05 PM11/29/01
to
Hello. My name is Peter Hanely. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

>How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
>None, that's a hardware problem.
>(Oldie, but I think a goodie)

True.


10 points for lame lightbulb joke.

>How many Ewoks
>How many Ewoks

* For the love of god, I'll give you points if you promise not to post
terrible Ewok jokes again *

5 points for combined lame Ewok jokes
10 points for 2 SW reference jokes

Galactic Boobies

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 3:16:43 PM11/29/01
to

"Daniel Olin Miller" <dmil...@ecn.purdue.edu> wrote in message
news:Pine.GSO.4.33.01112...@roger.ecn.purdue.edu...

> On 29 Nov 2001, Steven E wrote:
>
> > 5 points for being Jade
>
> Never mind what I said before. Kill the umpire!
>

You're just pissed because you're not Jade.

>
> Daniel O. Miller
>

Jade
--
Sometimes I want to be Daniel too. But we take what we can get.

Daniel Olin Miller

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 3:12:55 PM11/29/01
to
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?

To get to the other... no, wait.


Daniel O. Miller

Just made that up myself.

Daniel Olin Miller

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 3:19:16 PM11/29/01
to
On Thu, 29 Nov 2001, Galactic Boobies wrote:

>
> "Daniel Olin Miller" <dmil...@ecn.purdue.edu> wrote in message
> news:Pine.GSO.4.33.01112...@roger.ecn.purdue.edu...
> > On 29 Nov 2001, Steven E wrote:
> >
> > > 5 points for being Jade
> >
> > Never mind what I said before. Kill the umpire!
> >
>
> You're just pissed because you're not Jade.

Verily and forsooth. For if I were, I'd have gotten 5 points for being
Jade. Being Dan'l gets me squat.

> Sometimes I want to be Daniel too.

I can't imagine why.

> But we take what we can get.

Which in your case is 5 free points.


Daniel O. Miller

Whine!

RJDakota

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 3:29:01 PM11/29/01
to
Steven E wrote:
>
> Okay, people. Enough serious stuff...
> Hit me with your best lame joke. Doesn't have to be SW related, but extra
> points will be given to those who can.
> Mo' lamer, mo' better.
>
> Example:
>
> How many Sith Lords does it take to change a lightsaber blade?
> One to hold the hilt, and as many that will attempt it until the supply of
> mechanical hands runs out.

>
> --
> "You've heard about fury in a woman scorned, haven't you?
> Well, that's nothing compared to the fury of a woman who
> has been cheated out of tricks or treats" - Linus van Pelt
>
> http://www.geocities.com/steven_basic

Luke walks into the cantina with a Hoojib on his shoulder. Wuher says,
"Hey, where'd you get that?". The Hoojib says, "It started off as a
growth on my ass."

--
RJDakota

Peter Hanely

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 7:23:39 AM11/29/01
to
Steven E wrote:

> Hello. My name is Peter Hanely. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

I beg your pardon, my father is very much alive.

I like the reference anyway.

>
>
> >How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
> >None, that's a hardware problem.
> >(Oldie, but I think a goodie)
>
> True.
> 10 points for lame lightbulb joke.
>
> >How many Ewoks
> >How many Ewoks
>
> * For the love of god, I'll give you points if you promise not to post
> terrible Ewok jokes again *
>
> 5 points for combined lame Ewok jokes
> 10 points for 2 SW reference jokes
>

This is the -Lame- joke thread ;-)
(Watches a joke limp past on crutches.)

Ian Motter

unread,
Nov 29, 2001, 3:43:38 PM11/29/01