[Sith War 2002]: The most despicable act yet.
The great and powerful Oink!
by a short, bald guy in a suit.
"Who the hell is this?" Jade sized up the runty man who stepped forward
authoritatively and held out some papers.
"Mr. Lemonade, I'm Walter Banal, attorney for Muurgh the Togorian. I have
with me a subpoena for you to appear..."
"Jade I have nothing.." Muurgh was making 'cut' motions across his bandaged
neck.
"Excuse me. To appear in RASSM civil court and answer to charges of Animal
cruelty and assault with an oversized body against my client. Now we can
settle this right here ..."
"Not my Lawyer I swear!" Muuurgh was yelling over the man.
"A reasonable sum for my client and, of course my legal fees."
"I don't even know him!"
"You will be allowed your own representation of course, but if this has to
go to court..."
"He just followed me out of the infirmary.!"
Jade swiped out and grabbed the man's nose in It's fingers. Instantly blood
began to trickle down his face and he whined, which made Jade tug harder.
"You called me 'Mister'."
"Uell ear hrum my hatturny, lemonade. pleese schtop your urting meeg."
"What?" Muurgh was scratching his neck brace. Jade snubbed a blaster into
the man's belly and fired. He fell backward with a bloody "oof!"
"I always shoot first." The Archon looked at the Sith War camera and winked.
"find out who's letting lawyers on the ship and have them killed as well."
There was a clanking and a terrible groan from the communications station.
One of the elderly C'Pi clones was on the ground clutching his chest in
agony. Everyone figured he was going to have a coronary and expire, so they
covered their ears to avoid his death screams.
Suddenly the wrinkled skin began to puff out and become supple. His flabby
belly exploded back out to it former blimplike protuberance. The hair and
moustache returned and went from grey to brown. The Clone stood up and
meacockishly removed his adult diaper, completely restored to his former
self.
"The effects wear off. On all of them. That means they probably wear off on
the She clone too."
Muuurgh and Jade fell to the floor laughing at the thought of She'Pi
becoming male again in the middle of a naughty rendzvous with Drake.
They stopped laughing because it was time to move the plot along. "Alright
commander Muurgh. Let's attack this porn star."
-------------------------------------------------
Drake had apparently passed out on the bridge at some point and some nice
person had come along and given him a tiny blanky and tiny pillow and some
peanuts in a tiny bag. Drake was sure he also could detect the smell of
stewardess in the air and instantly jumped from his seat.
"Stewardess! I need your help!" He called out uncontrollably. The leggy
stewardess entered with a steaming towel held in a pair of tongs.
"Hot towel sir?" She batted her eyes at him?
"Yes! And bring the tongs too!" Just then a red light began to flash and
whooping alarm went off. Drake assumed it was a full on disco drill, calling
all party people to get thier funk on.
But the alarm soon ended and one of the minions shouted at him that
something was approaching. "Stay there!" He said to the Stewardess. "What is
it?"
"We're not sure, sir." the minion looked nervous. "But it looks pissed...and
kind of horny."
Before Drake appeared the image of a giant boy shaped ship, scowling,
carrying a massive hamburger on a plate, and emerging from the boy's fly
appeared to be the biggest...well, it put everyone else to shame.
Jade appeared on the screen. "All Right Ponte! Prepare to be destroyed
Porkinite style...which isn't pleasant! I introduce you to Mega Big Boy and
his Mecha Penis Gourd!"
Drake shook his head. "Ponte's not here."
"What?"
"I say Ponte's not here. I have no idea where he is."
"Damn!" Jade turned to a furry cat creature in a neck brace who just
shrugged and the transmission ended.
Drake saw the green flash from the end of the mile long mecha member and
braced himself as the ship shuddered from the blast.
"Fire the main cannon!"
-----------------------------------------------------------
Muuurgh looked up from his station. "They're preparing to fire the main
cannon at us."
"We'll never survive that!" Jade ranted.
"That is the downfall of attacking a Death Star...Porn Star."
"Wait." Jade pushed a button. "Attention, this is Jade. Assemble the groin
troopers and prepare to board the Porn Star immediately!"
Jade Turned to Muuurgh. "They can't shoot their gun if we plug the hole.
Fire the main thruster!"
--------------------------------------------------------
The activity on teh bridge of the Porn star was hot, sweatty, scary and
naughty. Drake buckled himself into his chair as a frantic minion screamed
at him. "They're preparing to make a run at the main cannon! We need 30 more
seconds to charge the gun!"
"Hold fast ensign!" Drake watched the massive ship's groin envelop his
entire viewscreen and go black as the Porn Star began to shudder horribly
and a grinding metal sound vibrated the ship. Suddenly sparks exploded all
over the control panels and everything began to short out from the circuit
created by the charging cannon being plugged by the Mecha gourd. Somdething
really bad was about to happen.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Hapless groin troopers streamed down the barrel of the mecha penis gourd,
ready to invade the Porn star's innards. Meg Big Boy latched on with both
arms and legs as the pent up plasma energy began to threaten the integrity
of both vessels.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Muuurgh's hair smoldered from the electrical outages and fires flaring up in
the Big Boy Bridge.
"We can't hold it here any more! Something's got to give!"
Jade looked at Muuurgh, teeth clenched together and vibrated helplessly.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
The explosion was seen three systems away. No single groin trooper made it
off the penis gourd and on to the Porn Star. Drake lost consciousness and
the gravity gave out as the Porn star went spinning off through space with
smoke and gasses pouring from the main cannon port.
As the universe spun past, he caught one last glimpse of their attacker. The
Big boy floated backwards spread eagle. It's groin was blackened and
gourdless. It face now smiling wider than three football fields.
Summary
-----
Jade shoots first
The Clones Muuurgh altered will return to normal
The Big Boy mounts the Porn star and causes an explosion that disables both
ships.
Jade
--
I thought I'd go straight for the lowest possible level since this war was
going there anyway.
Muuurgh
"The great and powerful Oink!" <jad...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:CnJR8.170$5M2....@news4.srv.hcvlny.cv.net...
I laughed hysterically the whole time we were going down though. *wink*
*Thinks of Poor Ponte and She'Pi*
That'll lead to some counciling.
-Muuurgh
The great and powerful Oink!
"Muuurgh" <JekPo...@Fatboy.com> wrote in message
news:af7of4$bjdvo$1...@ID-104752.news.dfncis.de...
*winks seductively back.*
> *Thinks of Poor Ponte and She'Pi*
> That'll lead to some counciling.
>
Or true love.
> -Muuurgh
>
I like Mega Big Boy. I'm seeing all kinds of potential for violating the
universe in the most obscene ways. I think he needs to learn how to dance...
>
>
Jade
--
There's that old psychotic supervillain feeling again.
Muuurgh
Its truly amazing what one can do with a penis gourd, especially one of that
"caliber". *snicker* *puts pinky finger to lower lip* "By caliber I'm
referring to both the size of the penis gourd and the barrel size of its
gun... it's a homonym.. ..Forget it.
-Muuurgh
>
> Jade
> --
> There's that old psychotic supervillain feeling again.
>
As long as its an "Evil" supervillain feeling.
-Muuurgh
I'm suprised no one has written Fat Bastard into a Sith War.
"Come here you little Love Machine, I'm going to eat you!"
"Arrggghhhh!!"
"I've got corn in my craaap biigger than you! GET IN MY BELLY!!"