[Sith War IX] Never rub another man's monkey!
Jedah
story, one of millions here on RASSM. Once I was a simple lab chimp,
living the good life testing new brownie recipies and hemrroid cream.
Then came the dark times.
At first I thought I'd been cast in Lawnmower Man 3. The gyroscope,
drugs, snazzy training helmet, anal probes...yes, it all seemed like a
bad movie. This movie, however, didn't end.
And so I became a Rent-a-Kong, counterpart to the idiotic Rent-a-Zilla.
Forever to fight a meaningless battle so that people can argue over
whether or not there were two endings to Godzilla vs. King Kong, one for
the US and one for Japan. *sigh* If only people could set aside their
differences.
I figured working for this Jedah character would be no worse than any
other assignment. I didn't expect to find a new way of life. The
suits, the glasses, the neuralizer that makes hookers think you've
already paid...it was like Nirvana. Well, no, it was more like Pearl
Jam, but it sounds stupid to say you've reached total "Vetterness" and
besides, doesn't Eddie Vetter sound like a psedonym Darth Vader would
use when checking into a Motel 6 with a hooker? Damn, I've mentioned
hookers twice in this paragraph. Well, I am a monkey.
So I'm living the life...living la vida loca, except without the gay
music. Then crap starts falling from the sky. I tell ya, a monkey
these days can't catch a break. This ain't the 80's were all you had to
do was grin at a camera and people showered you in bananas and you got
all the poon-tang you could ask for. Nope, these are the tough times.
This is the era of the Sith War. It was the dawning of the age of
aquarius...the age of...um...never mind.
So as certain destruction tumbled from the sky, I watched in mock
horror. How can a monkey, even a Rent-a-Kong like me, compare to a huge
freakin' rock falling towards a building? But I've seen worse. Much
worse. I've seen fire and I've seen rain...damn, now I'm on folk songs.
So I wait for the inevitable destruction of the RASSM planet. The whole
system's been recycled so many times. I think I was a Thighmaster in a
previous incarnation. But now I'm a monkey. Just a monkey.
No one loves a monkey when their down.
So I finish these words, typed at a frenzied pace, and a I take a last
drag off my cigarette and pat the ass of last night's whore. And I
wonder, to myself, if all this war and destruction is worth it. I
wonder if this place is just too insane to exist. Where does that leave
me? Just a monkey - the words echo back. Well, damn it, if I'm going
to be a monkey, I'll be damned as a monkey. I'll fling poo, I'll
scratch myself inappropriately, I'll make disgusting noises at pretty
women. Unfortunately, that C'Pi guy does all of that too. Maybe he can
give me some pointers. Too late now I suppose.
Oh look, a death star's just parked itself in orbit. Some days it just
doesn't pay to roll off the whore.
*********************
Summary:
This was an introspective journey into the mind of Rent-a-Kong. Also,
someone's parked yet another Death Star, or what appears to be one, in
orbit. And there's the thing falling towards a building, which I figure
will destroy RASSMCity, but hey, I didn't start that idea.
Jedah
Pick your own favorite line from the story above!
--
Posted via Mailgate.ORG Server - http://www.Mailgate.ORG
Steven E
> Pick your own favorite line from the story above!
Can't do it.
Far to many favorite lines contained in a single posting.
--
I picture this whole Sith War IX post in balck and white.
http://www.geocities.com/steven_basic
C'Pi
"Jedah" <vade...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:959e2c66780263e43f8...@mygate.mailgate.org...
>
> Jedah
> Pick your own favorite line from the story above!
"Unfortunately, that C'Pi guy does all of that too."
This one, because it's about me.
C'Pi
Jedah
news:a3m6b6$1906su$1...@ID-111793.news.dfncis.de...
Actually, it's about monkeys who fling poo and scratch themselves
inappropriately. But hey, roll yer own, know what I mean?
For some reason this post makes me want to do a Big Trouble in Little
Naboo posting. But first I think I'll unleash my powerrful new secret
weapon, which oddly is not the Death Star type thing in orbit.
Perhaps we could still turn this whole Sith War into a musical?
Jedah
Spanking Fresh Scent!
C'Pi
> "C'Pi" <jas...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:a3m6b6$1906su$1...@ID-111793.news.dfncis.de...
>
> >
> > "Jedah" <vade...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > news:959e2c66780263e43f8...@mygate.mailgate.org...
> > >
> > > Jedah
> > > Pick your own favorite line from the story above!
> >
> > "Unfortunately, that C'Pi guy does all of that too."
> >
> > This one, because it's about me.
> >
> > C'Pi
>
>
> Actually, it's about monkeys who fling poo and scratch themselves
> inappropriately. But hey, roll yer own, know what I mean?
Like I said. It's about me.
> For some reason this post makes me want to do a Big Trouble in Little
> Naboo posting.
Yeah yeah yeah, you keep talking about stuff like this but we never see it.
>But first I think I'll unleash my powerrful new secret
> weapon, which oddly is not the Death Star type thing in orbit.
Just as long as it involves poo flinging I'll be happy.
> Perhaps we could still turn this whole Sith War into a musical?
Hum when you read the posts.
> Jedah
> Spanking Fresh Scent!
I've smelled you after a good spanking. It's not pleasant.
C'Pi
DarthGumby
telepathically conveyed:
<snip Rent-a-Kong's lament>
>Jedah
>Pick your own favorite line from the story above!
"I figured working for this Jedah character would be no
worse than any other assignment. I didn't expect to
find a new way of life. The suits, the glasses, the
neuralizer that makes hookers think you've already
paid...it was like Nirvana. Well, no, it was more like
Pearl Jam, but it sounds stupid to say you've reached
total "Vetterness" and besides, doesn't Eddie Vetter
sound like a psedonym Darth Vader would use when
checking into a Motel 6 with a hooker? Damn, I've
mentioned hookers twice in this paragraph. Well, I am
a monkey."
Whole thing was much laughs. *applauds*
DG
I'm sure the musical portion will be coming soon.
-Muuurgh (-o-)
"DarthGumby" <DarthMyHe...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:8er36ugjkb7ibvh7o...@4ax.com...
> On Mon, 4 Feb 2002 14:22:10 +0000 (UTC), Jedah
> telepathically conveyed:
<snip>
> I'm sure the musical portion will be coming soon.
No singing! Not while I'm around.
--
-Muuurgh (-o-)
the purveyor of truth.
DarthGumby
telepathically conveyed:
>"DarthGumby" <DarthMyHe...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>> On Mon, 4 Feb 2002 14:22:10 +0000 (UTC), Jedah
>> telepathically conveyed:
><snip>
>
>> I'm sure the musical portion will be coming soon.
>
>No singing! Not while I'm around.
*N'Sync break character and start to wander over to ask
how they're 'big scene' is going to happen, but are
pelted with various objects and retreat to the safety
of their cube*
*Christopher Cross, sitting offstage drinking a Latte,
takes a lesson from this and goes back to filing his
Flamingoes beaks*
DG
I just want to... SING! *takes deep breath, is pushed
out window*
(This Sith War Behind the Scenes moment was brought to
you by Butt-wipes by Listerine, sometimes Wetter is
Better!)