Lifetime Failure Award

[A.T. Murray]

Wearing a Calvin Klein designer necktie in defiance of any lifetime failure award, Wotnot the Nitwit sat down to sip cafea arabica and to read his Daily Intelligence Briefing a.k.a. the New York Times. On the fifth day of this year of the harebrained espiocrat, the NYT headlines cast doom and gloom. "Russian Troops Use Cellphones At Their Peril," intoned pages A1 and A7, going beyond the idea that cellphones cause cancer and MAGA Republicanism. "Football Fans Forced to Weigh Their Love for a Violent Sport," kicked off from page A1 for a touchdown on page A17 and reminded Wotnot of the day he went with Aardvark to a bullfight in Guadalajara and was at first rooting for the bull -- until the matador was gored and lay helpless on the ground. Now the stories by Kurt Street et al. in the NYT made Wotnot feel sorry for Damar Hamlin and all the football players who suffer lifelong traumatic brain injury (TBI) so that the National Football League (NFL) can earn billions of bloodthirsty dollars from their suffering. Wotnot decided to take action against the evils of football. He encoded a message for his network of agents running in the field.

09149 35649 73682 91223 41735 07899 65736 32460
59536 97780 93764 39218 71957 92390 69796 38009
21730 76629 94361 17917 94516 57803 36404 36884
46259 00810 27638 74960 13878 83179 92514 19127