the long hard death of springtime
galathaea
i've written my confessions on flash paper and parlor tricks
i've written my confessions with bath salts and stagnant water
i'm a sinner
i am sin
creeping through the hall of souls
the golden feast of death that churns
white leaves of passion
tight against the walls
i have seen throughout the hall
the various forms of torture they condone
i have heard the whispers of the ancient ones
which i cannot repeat
and down at the foot of the abyss
a lost traveler rests a moment longer
along the edge of the chasm
strange runes are carved of a forgotten hermetic order
in the chemist's lab
a sad girl learns to love herself again
with chemicals and a book of alchemy
out on the barren fields
giant factories turn out the stuff of dreams
the machine kabbalah grows
~~..
and this is what i see slowly passing in the waters:
i see a riderless swing creak back and forth
to the breeze of a gentle spring day
i see basketballs and baseballs and shoes and waterguns
abandoned in the grass
i see a schoolbus drive past without stopping
i hear the evil one
laughing and taunting
and slurring and haunting
and " bitch " he said
" childhood's over. "
and i see a starving dog push his empty food bowl across the kitchen
whimpering to someone who left a long time ago
and the wind slowly turns the pages
of a children's book in the gutter
..~~
don't let me die in a room without windows
darkened by something expected
no
don't let me die the slow death of waiting
and don't let it come too soon
don't let me regret anything that i've done
don't let me cry out or god damn
and don't let my last memory
fall back upon the cries of leah hirsig in the night
..
the next page is empty
and afterwards: nothing
and i don't know why but that scares me
--
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galathaea: prankster, fablist, magician, liar
George Dance
I'v been holding back from complimenting any of your poetry, after the
embarrassment with Crass's "Cross". But I think it's about time that
I did. I'm very impressed with the way you've found a voice and style
of your own so quickly.
(Of course, the style owes as much to your prose style as it does to
the beats or anyone else. You may have to start writing your prose as
poems, so it won't get misidentified up as poetry (as I see one guy
did today already).
The one place where I think you can improve is with your rhythms.
Rather than going on about it, though, I'd simply advise you to read
your poems out loud as well as silently: speak, chant, or even sing,
them as well as think them in your head. (I find that works well for
me.)
galathaea
>
> I'v been holding back from complimenting any of your poetry, after the
> embarrassment with Crass's "Cross". But I think it's about time that
> I did. I'm very impressed with the way you've found a voice and style
> of your own so quickly.
i find it hard to comment on poems in general
i often read things where i will " wow " outloud
but cannot think of a thing to post in response
because anything i could would appear trite
your recent Villanelle
for instance
but i cannot claim to only recently having started writing
i have posted pieces on and off here for years
some of them that i have enjoyed are
" longsince "
http://tinyurl.com/2d9zfp
" thirty dollar poem "
http://tinyurl.com/34t2zq
" the slave instinct "
http://tinyurl.com/2t99yw
and
" through the blood running down my chest
i can barely read the words i just carved there "
http://tinyurl.com/2r5w79
i am just very inconstant
and easily distracted
> (Of course, the style owes as much to your prose style as it does to
> the beats or anyone else. You may have to start writing your prose as
> poems, so it won't get misidentified up as poetry (as I see one guy
> did today already)).
>
> The one place where I think you can improve is with your rhythms.
> Rather than going on about it, though, I'd simply advise you to read
> your poems out loud as well as silently: speak, chant, or even sing,
> them as well as think them in your head. (I find that works well for
> me.)
this is the one comment i get all the time
for my written work
hans oss make the same point
for thirty dollar poem above
strangely
i am often complemented for my attention to rhythm
when i go to local poetry jams
i have this in-and-out stressing method
and the only way i have ever been able to express it
is to use this writing style of mine
wherE LETTERs change sIZES in this pulsating way
as you can see
it fails miserably when typed
but i strongly suspect i am utterly horrible at structure
and it is the area of writing i have spent the most time on
and i seem to have the least benefit for my time
maybe i should start tossing up readings on garageband
and link to them when i post a piece
but i fear that would be counterinstructional for me
anyway
i thank you for your comments
i wish i could be as constructive for your posts
Amadeus Jinn
"galathaea" <gala...@gmail.com> wrote in message news:1181545089.4...@d30g2000prg.googlegroups.com...
> On Jun 10, 8:18 am, George Dance <georgedanc...@yahoo.ca> wrote:
>>
>> I'v been holding back from complimenting any of your poetry, after the
>> embarrassment with Crass's "Cross". But I think it's about time that
>> I did. I'm very impressed with the way you've found a voice and style
>> of your own so quickly.
George stumbled into poetry so quickly because
my friend George had a horse named Apples.
>
> i find it hard to comment on poems in general
Pretty lame. Why not read a little and then post?
>
> i often read things where i will " wow " outloud
> but cannot think of a thing to post in response
> because anything i could would appear trite
So don't. Why /break/ with this shit?
>
> your recent Villanelle
> for instance
>
> but i cannot claim to only recently having started writing
>
> i have posted pieces on and off here for years
What a blessing. Jesus got an erection...
--
AJ - http://Here.Nu
http://Midis.Here.Nu
http://Art.Here.Nu