Halina Poswiatowska p.304 MarekTrans / ***("kolor wiosny jest zielony")
Marek Lugowski
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the color of springtime is green
but the color of pain -- dim
blood congealed shines in the lake
moon runs high with a stream of words
the color of springtime is golden
like a flower that lodges under a cloud
the color of pain -- is dim
like a chewed on branch of spruce
the color of love -- red
but the color of love past
ran through with a chill
the lake at its deepest place
a dragonfly took me on its wings
cruises over the darkened water
the color of love is golden
like the river's color in the sun's gleam
Polish text Copyright 1989 Wydawnictwo Literackie, Krakow, Poland:
***("kolor wiosny jest zielony...")
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kolor wiosny jest zielony
a kolor bo/lu -- ciemny
krew zakrzepl/a w jeziorze s/wieci
struga/ sl/o/w wezbrany ksie/z/yc
wiosny kolor jest zl/oty
jak kwiat co pod obl/okiem mieszka
kolor bo/lu -- jest ciemny
jak rozgryziona gal/a/z/ s/wierka
kolor mil/os/ci -- czerwony
a kolor mil/os/ci co przeszl/a
w najgl/e/bszym miejscu jezioro
na wylot chl/odem przeszyl/
waz/ka mnie wzie/l/a na skrzydl/a
ponad woda/ pociemnial/a/ leci
kolor mil/os/ci jest zl/oty
jak w sl/on/cu kolor rzeki
Halina Poswiatowska, Polish, d. 11 oct 1967.
translation by Marek Lugowski, ma...@enteract.com
http://www.enteract.com/~marek/HalinaFAQ
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Slawomir Andrzej Oleksy
> untitled ("the color of springtime is green")
> ------------------------------------------------------------
>
> the color of springtime is green
> but the color of pain -- dim
> blood congealed shines in the lake
> moon runs high with a stream of words
>
> the color of springtime is golden
> like a flower that lodges under a cloud
> the color of pain -- is dim
> like a chewed on branch of spruce
>
> the color of love -- red
> but the color of love past
> ran through with a chill
> the lake at its deepest place
>
> a dragonfly took me on its wings
> cruises over the darkened water
> the color of love is golden
> like the river's color in the sun's gleam
Too many beats in the last line. Perhaps
like the river's color in sunlight
SAO
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http://www.angelfire.com/ma2/oleksy/poems.html
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Marek Lugowski
Slawomir Andrzej Oleksy <ole...@ibm.net> wrote:
>> untitled ("the color of springtime is green")
>> ------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> the color of springtime is green
>> but the color of pain -- dim
>> blood congealed shines in the lake
>> moon runs high with a stream of words
>>
>> the color of springtime is golden
>> like a flower that lodges under a cloud
>> the color of pain -- is dim
>> like a chewed on branch of spruce
>>
>> the color of love -- red
>> but the color of love past
>> ran through with a chill
>> the lake at its deepest place
>>
>> a dragonfly took me on its wings
>> cruises over the darkened water
>> the color of love is golden
>> like the river's color in the sun's gleam
>
>Too many beats in the last line. Perhaps
>
> like the river's color in sunlight
She varies her beats a lot in that verse: 8,10, 8, 7.
Here's the entire original: Here's the translation:
lines lines
1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4
----------- ----------
verse1 8, 7, 9, 8; 8, 7, 7, 8;
verse2 7, 9, 7, 9; 9,11, 7, 7;
verse3 8, 9, 8, 7; 6, 7, 5, 7;
verse4 8,10, 8, 7. 9, 9, 8,10.
sure reminds me of bingo, or solitaire, or linear algebra. Oh, look,
I have a similar symmetry in the Northeast! Yes, analogies rule the
process of translation.
And I can't warm up to sunlight. It strikes me as bland and diffuse
-- unlike the radiant, hot, glinting, unwatchable sun. And it only
brings the beats down to 9. And it does not resonate at the end.
Which devil is better? Hey. Let's have some audience participation.
Who likes what or has any bright ideas? The literal translation would
brings the 10 down to 9, too:
a dragonfly took me on its wings
cruises over the darkened water
the color of love is golden
like a river's color in the sun
But is that really state of the art English? Is that all there is?
Is that really all there is to poetry? If so, then let's have a ball
and dance...
> SAO
-- Marek