abstract by Crystal // comments welcome
chastle phallacies
the world around me appears refined
tribulation, negative intention stirring up strife
smiling and laughter in the children of life
will a knife appear in the back of the naive
oracles of challaces defining naught
books with words of many thought, clear
the Holy Bible came through in time
many items that confused the mind
to see such little stored from a year
then to see the grimace of obvious clear
too much, too little, what does this mean
a year in the life of seeking for peace
much left behind to be thrown for the dogs
appears as if one is around for the smog
clogging not with much dismay,
an obvious vagabond taking up space
for the fear of whys sets in with motion
too many questions becomes an omen
yesterday was more, with a smile of peace
upon a new path, where does it lead
to feel the child as she remembered a day
when love was thrown back into her face
earrings represents a hatred from one
that finds a way to rebuke the love
the year has changed, and so has the child
she asks the why, as if its a trial
wanting an end to the nightmarish path
seeing the earrings as an aftermath
a jewel in the eyes of a new found muse
a portrait in a portrait, rekindles the fuse
the artist sits by and approaches the fear
abstract and mangled, but perfectly clear
the positivity comes when the choice is certain
not a stage for anothers curtain
to be a control in your own freedom, life
to think you are wrong when you could be right
ironic plays out as the visions come through
stranded in someone elses muse,
tangled in a web, a discernment of truth
the colors are perfect in the black and white
painted by ponderance, aborted by life
1/30/04
--
"In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood
by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's
the exact opposite."
- Paul Dirac (1902-1984)
UPOY Loves You
"chastle phallacies" <chastle_p...@webtv.net> wrote in message news:712-401A...@storefull-3335.bay.webtv.net...
> vivid images paint themselves clear
Yes, but you don't. It is all abstraction
or cliche / uninteresting images.
The lack of punctutation makes it harder
to make out what you are saying.
> the world around me appears refined
So? what is that entire line say supposed to say?
"refined tribulation" is interesting a little, but
that isn't what you were trying to get me to think,
just your way of thinking the line ends all thought.
> tribulation, negative intention stirring up strife
> smiling and laughter in the children of life
what? ..just sounds nutty
> will a knife appear in the back of the naive
> oracles of challaces defining naught
I suppose you mean chalices? but your
line is worse than naught, and "naught"
sounds stupid except in rare, mostly comedic
circumstances.
> books with words of many thought, clear
> the Holy Bible came through in time
> many items that confused the mind
I can't go on, this is numb nuts.
teen angst, mixed with convoluted preachy
religious angst.
Get a grip.
Read some poetry, maybe?
I gave you comments, most others if they took the time to read,
just laugh their heads off, but I'm sure you will tell me
to fuck off if you haven't already killfiled me.
Cheers
lfaz
teenage ramblings trying to be deep.
chastle phallacies
"I hate to do this, but your poem was basically just a collection of
goofy teenage ramblings trying to be deep. "
okay, thanks for reading but I was not /trying/ to be deep. I wrote what
I was feeling at the time. Letting it flow with no intention of it even
being a poem. just simple thoughts refined into the measurement of
nothingness. I accept that this sucks, but teenage? nah, unless the
years are coming back to me now which may not be good for the reader but
its a good thing for me(-:
chastle phallacies
I appreciate it
>most others if they took
>the time to read,
>just laugh their heads off,
this is a good prediction
>but I'm sure you will
>tell me to fuck off
only on my better days(-: when I'm feeling the teenage anguish I just
like to sulk, but again thanks for reading, really
>if you haven't already killfiled me."
not that I would kf anyone if I had such an option, but still webtv
doesn't have such technology. its either read or ignore. so I read and
ignore, but your posts actually are somewhat enlightening in a weird
kind of way. so no, you are not going to be told to FOAD or left to be
unread. its all a matter of opinion and your opinions are fine, and as
you said most others would have been less kind than you. thanks
>Cheers
Later
Dennis M. Hammes
>
> I hate to do this, but your poem was basically just a collection of goofy
> teenage ramblings trying to be deep.
Oh, thank G*d.
I thot they were trying to be sheep.
(They were putting me to sleep...)
--
-------(m+
~/:o)_|
/Ite, ipse ficara/.
http://scrawlmark.org
UPOY Loves You
"chastle phallacies" <chastle_p...@webtv.net> wrote in message news:3216-401...@storefull-3331.bay.webtv.net...
> >I gave you comments,
>
> I appreciate it
No problem then.
> >most others if they took
> >the time to read,
> >just laugh their heads off,
>
> this is a good prediction
Probably not, and perhaps overly cruel.
There are lots of people that are (apparently)
much more easily impressed. They are welcome to it.
> >but I'm sure you will
> >tell me to fuck off
>
> only on my better days(-: when I'm feeling the teenage anguish I just
> like to sulk, but again thanks for reading, really
Sulking won't do it.
Take your poem, and put it next to the best master poetry
you know, and compare the differences in regard to
the objective criteria.
Images, cleverness, attention to sound, relevancey, etc.
everything you can think of.
They are just words.
Both piles.
> >if you haven't already killfiled me."
>
> not that I would kf anyone if I had such an option, but still webtv
> doesn't have such technology. its either read or ignore. so I read and
> ignore, but your posts actually are somewhat enlightening in a weird
> kind of way. so no, you are not going to be told to FOAD or left to be
> unread. its all a matter of opinion and your opinions are fine, and as
> you said most others would have been less kind than you. thanks
Remember me at election time.
Central CPU
"UPOY Loves You" <rts...@x.y890> wrote
> "chastle phallacies" <chastle_p...@webtv.net> wrote
>>> I gave you comments,
>> I appreciate it
> No problem then.
>>> most others if they took
>>> the time to read,
>>> just laugh their heads off,
>> this is a good prediction
> Probably not, and perhaps overly cruel.
> There are lots of people that are
"People who are," computer boy.
--CCPU
A "who" not a "that."
UPOY Loves You
"Central CPU" <centr...@worldnet.att.net> wrote in message news:UVOSb.148271$6y6.2...@bgtnsc05-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
I'll try to remember, /that/. Thanks for giving a /hoot/.