Funny poems

[CHAIRMANSTEVE]

In an annual tournament they can
Determine the world's strongest man,
Whose great achievement afterward it trumpets.
With endurance of their muscles spent,
All pack in for the main event,
When competitors smell one another's armpits.
This eliminates the finalists in bunches;
The winner is the last to fall unconscious

Our congregation sang in perfect tune in church, today;
For a rare change, not one wrong note did the organist play;
Joyfully, in perfect harmony could we sing,
With a melody that could not be disrupted by anything!
What assured us we had no cause this day to be nervous:
Our organist did not show up for the service!

You meet a pretty girl, and this is how it goes:
You are caught with your finger in your nose!
Though she is a sweeter one than sugar,
All over your fingers is a booger!
You walk alone back out the gate;
You cannot get your act quite straight!

This evening on the news, I heard the shpiel,
That garbage collectors have the greatest sex appeal.
Many women who would otherwize deserve no mention
Look for garbage to throw out that would catch their attention,
But before the couple ever starts to groove,
Their husbands are the first things that those women must remove.

One thing I think of when I lie across the pillow:
Is how derived the names of certain plants,
Especially the honey suckle and the weeping willow--
They are attractive to my thoughts and well as ants,
So I toss and turn and never sleep;
Inspired thought I grope for but it ducks,
Because no one sees the weeping willow weep,
And I can't say the honey suckle sucks.

His parents went out letting Dennis bake
For their anniversary a marble cake,
But before his father found out the truth,
He had broken and lost a tooth,
Because one boy a recipe really garbles:
Dennis had put in real marbles!

A tiger is a very imposing cur,
Who will never change his stripes.
You must politely address him as "sir",
No matter how deep are your gripes.
The slightest insult vexes his soul,
Because nobody's ego is bigger.
He will pounce on you and gobble you whole
If you ever call him a tigger.

Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat, where have you been
Under her window to peek at the queen
Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat, what did you see
Her big tweedledum and her fat tweedledee