madeforz...@yahoo.com wrote:
>
> Will Dockery FAQ
>
> <snipped for focus>
> More like snipped to avoid reality.
The confusion of fantasy with reality is known as being delusional.
> > etc. Dockery is an employee of a pizza establishment known as Pizza Roma
> > in
> > Columbus, Georgia in a small section of town called "Shadowville."
> > Will's
> > behavior proves him to be anything but the typical employee of a pizza
> > parlor, however. He enjoys writing poetry while both on and off the job,
> > reading it in front of audiences in downtown coffee shops or local bars,
> > and
> > then basking in the audience's reaction, regardless of how positive or
> > negative it may be. However, most of Will's writings have been known to
> > be
> > rather poor or uncomprehensible in quality and, as a result, when he
> > posts
> > his writings to Usenet the reaction is almost always in a negative
> > manner.
> >
> > Will is also an admitted drug and alcohol abuser, so it can be assumed
> > that
> > most of his writings originate while under the influence of one or both.
> > So
> > far Will has admitted to abusing marijuana and alcohol but remains
> > rather
> > quiet on any stronger drugs that he may or may not have ingested. When
> > confronted with the fact that he is a possible alcoholic and drug
> > abuser,
> > Will scoffed at the fact and stated that police officers frequently use
> > more
> > marijuana than ordinary citizens such as himself. These and other
> > idiotic
> > statements, along with his behavior on and offline, have branded Will as
> > a
> > "pizza boy," and it doesn't look like things are going to change anytime
> > soon. Later, it was agreed upon that since Will's moronic postings,
> > stubborn
> > behavior, and overall insane actions proved him to be an idiot, that
> > alt.idiot.will-dockery needed to be created.
> >
> > It should also be noted that the aforementioned drug and alcohol abuse
> > have
> > reduced Will's reading comprehension skills down to the level of what we
> > can
> > estimate to be between that of a four-year old and eight-year old level,
> > averaging somewhere around the six-year-old level. If Will is an example
> > of
> > anything else, it's that abusing drugs and alcohol is never a good thing
> > and
> > that a person can never start sobering up too soon.
> >
> > 2a. What is a "pizza boy?"
> >
> > A: A "pizza boy," or "pizza boy," or "pizzaboi," as it is sometimes
> > spelled,
> > is much different than a pizza delivery driver. A pizza delivery person
> > works a job delivering pizzas. These are hard-working, respectful
> > individuals who are in college or just trying to eek out a living as
> > much as
> > they can. They are people who have lost their jobs suddenly, or people
> > who
> > need income to help feed their children and family of five, or just
> > everyday
> > people looking for something different. Many of them are retirees
> > working a
> > job for supplemental pay in between social security checks. Others are
> > in it
> > for the love of the job, though they are few and far between.
> >
> > A pizzaboy wants this as their only job until retirement and could care
> > less
> > about what the customer receives, so long as he or she receives a tip
> > upon
> > delivery, regardless of how they act on your doorstep. Because of their
> > antisocial nature, some have been known to place bodily secretions onto
> > the
> > pizzas of customers they do not like, claim minorities are cheap,
> > homosexuals are evil (and call their enemies "fags" or "gay", thinking
> > it to
> > be a great flame), and are probably are misoginst as well. A pizzaboy is
> > usually stereotyped by the mainstream media and general as lazy,
> > unshaven,
> > unbathed, hairy, rude, greedy, stupid, ignorant, antisocial, and
> > occassionally bigoted or sociopathic. A good example of a stereotype
> > used in
> > the media of a "pizzaboy" can be seen in the movie "Home Alone," where
> > the
> > pizzaboy drives onto the lawn, knocks over and destroys a statue, walks
> > up
> > to the door, bangs on it callously, then when he receives a low amount
> > for a
> > tip smirks and gets the door slammed in his face. Many pizza boys
> > consider
> > people who do not tip "stiffers" and a few of the more antisocial and
> > stupider ones plot "revenge" or attempt to send a "message" to such
> > customers by delivering the pizza late or in poor condition. Should you
> > ever
> > receive a pizza not in the condition you desired or it arrives late, it
> > may
> > be a good idea to contact the establishment from which you ordered. A
> > sad
> > fact of life is that there are "pizza boys" in every establishment ever
> > created.
> >
> > Will Dockery is classified as a "pizza boy" because of his antisocial
> > (and
> > slightly bigoted) attitude, his attitude towards customers, his
> > misoginistic
> > behavior towards women, his delusional and egotistical nature, and for
> > the
> > fact that he just sucks. You really have to see him for yourself;
> > luckily,
> > anyone who comes across Will on Usenet doesn't take to long to realize
> > just
> > how close he comes to the common stereotype of a pizza boy.
> >
> > 3. Ackronyms
> >
> > Sometimes you may come across a post in alt.idiot.will-dockery that has
> > ackronyms in it. Here is a brief list of those which have graced the
> > newsgroup every so often:
> >
> > APDD. This stands for alt.pizza.delivery.drivers, a newsgroup that Will
> > hangs around in and is generally mocked and despised in for his behavior
> > and
> > moronic postings. APDD used to be a newsgroup full of people just like
> > Will
> > several years ago; however, after a brief engagement by outside parties
> > into
> > the newsgroup questioning the behavior of those posters, many of them,
> > if
> > not all of them, made a mass exodus of the newsgroup. Some of them later
> > became members of an e-mail list that did essentially the same thing as
> > APDD
> > except of course in e-mail.
> >
> > AIWD. Stands for alt.idiot.will-dockery, the title of this newsgroup.
> >
> > PR. This stands for "Pizza Roma," the pizza delivery store where Will
> > currently works.
> >
> > AUK. alt.usenet.kooks, another newsgroup on Usenet and one where Will's
> > posts frequently end up being posted to due to the fact that their
> > content
> > warrants them being both on-topic in the group and an amusement for all
> > who
> > read and lurk there.
> > PJR. Peter J. Ross, the guy who sent the control message for
> > alt.idiot.will-dockery to be created.
> >
> > RAP. rec.arts.poems, a newsgroup of, well, poems -- at least it used to
> > be,
> > until the shit hit the fan and splattered into layers too thick to be
> > removed using general household cleaners. Will enjoys posting to RAP
> > because
> > he considers himself a poet and an artist of the poetry circuit. Most
> > people
> > disagree with him on that fact.
> >
> > AAPC. alt.arts.poetry.comments, another poetry newsgroup where Will
> > hangs
> > out to play. Frequently there are crossposts between
> > alt.arts.poetry.comments and rec.arts.poems as both newsgroups have
> > similar
> > purposes and content.
> >
> > FOAD. Fuck off and die. Usually written at the end of a post, but
> > occassionally somewhere in the body, its meaning is obvious.
> >
> > WTF? What the fuck? This question is usually asked in response to Will's
> > postings, as due to his excessive drug and alcohol abuse it can be
> > difficult
> > to determine what, if anything, he meant in the post in question. His
> > poor
> > reading comprehension also causes this ackronym to be used every so
> > often
> > when someone can't figure out how he could come to such a mind-boggling,
> > head-numbing conclusion.
> >
> > WTH? Same as what the fuck, only with Hell/Heck instead of Fuck.
> >
> > AHM. alt.hackers.malicious. A newsgroup of dubious quality, Will's
> > postings
> > occasionally end up crossposted to here to give the regulars a good
> > laugh. A
> > really good laugh.
> >
> > WD. "Will Dockery." Used when the poster doesn't feel like writing out
> > 'Will
> > Dockery' or believes that those reading the thread have sufficient
> > enough
> > knowledge to know who they are talking about.
> >
> > Other ackronyms will be added as necessary or time allows.
> >
> > 5. Names
> >
> > Amber. Amber is a former employee of Pizza Roma where Will works. Months
> > ago, Will's manager found her having sex with a fellow employee in the
> > back
> > room and blew a gasket. Will claims that Amber wasn't fired for fucking
> > in
> > the back room but was fired for something else. According to Will, Amber
> > has
> > either had sex with or plans to have sex with every male employee of
> > Pizza
> > Roma from the manager all the way to the owner. She is the truest
> > example of
> > a whore you could possibly find in Will's area.
> >
> > Will Dockery. Self-explanatory. Will works for Pizza Roma and loves to
> > mystify Usenet with the various tales from the store, some of which
> > would
> > cause any self-respecting health inspector to vomit. Will has hounddog
> > loyalty to his manager Pasko and would do anything to please him -- and
> > we
> > do mean anything.
> >
> > Pasko. Pasko is the retarded criminal who runs Pizza Roma. We say
> > retarded
> > because that's about the only way to rationally explain away his poor
> > decisions and we say criminal because Will has admitted that Pasko is a
> > criminal. According to Will, Pasko buys bootleg copies of movies off the
> > street from strangers and has guns in his office that he gives to his
> > employees to take on runs to "dangerous areas." While both of these are
> > felonies, Will claims that Pasko is NOT a convicted felon and that the
> > crime
> > he was in prison for was only a misdemeanor or something similar. But
> > don't
> > prod Will for details or he'll call you a "stalker."
> >
> > Trey. A fellow employee of Pizza Roma where Will works. Supposedly
> > threatened suicide in the parking lot with a shotgun he kept in the
> > trunk of
> > his car before Will and other employees talked him out of it.
> >
> > Matt. Another employee of Pizza Roma.
> >
> > Ben. The owner of Pizza Roma, allegedly clueless to everything going on
> > inside the store.
> >
> > Rusty. Russell "Bert" Waters, AKA Russell B. Waters, AKA Rusty, is
> > another
> > pizza boy who inhabits rec.arts.poems and alt.pizza.delivery.drivers and
> > who
> > is on a slightly lower level than Will when it comes to doing and saying
> > unbelievable shit that makes you wonder if they aren't some really bad
> > version of the Matrix. Rusty is an overweight, homosexual, white
> > supremacist
> > who lives with his parents and works in a bank. We wish we were making
> > that
> > shit up.
Wow... that's quite a collection of personal information...
Obsess/Stalk much?