On Topic Friday: Cabinet of Crime

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ell...@webtv.net

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Sep 17, 2004, 2:07:11 AM9/17/04
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You've been elected President. (No, that's not the crime--unless you
won Florida)

You have to select your cabinet members. What fictional detective
would you choose for which cabinet position?

I'll go first: Secretary of Defense: Hawk

Ellen C

David Ball

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Sep 17, 2004, 4:42:29 AM9/17/04
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You can find a list of the cabinet positions and their current holders
at http://www.whitehouse.gov/government/cabinet.html

Is the new position for controlling the Intelligence agencies going to
be a cabinet position? That should be an interesting slot to fill.

Unfortunately, I read mostly science fiction / military so I don't
have a lot of suggestions. I'm just starting to get more into reading
mysteries. Although, I do think that a lot of Science Fiction is just
mysteries with an unusual setting.

-- David

Jr@Ease

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Sep 17, 2004, 8:23:13 AM9/17/04
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Once upon a midnight dreary, ell...@webtv.net pondered, weak and
weary:

Joe Pike - CIA Director - is that a cabinet level position?

John P

Paul A Sand

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Sep 17, 2004, 8:30:29 AM9/17/04
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In article <19952-414...@storefull-3331.bay.webtv.net>, ell...@webtv.net wrote:
> You have to select your cabinet members. What fictional detective
> would you choose for which cabinet position?

[expanding in some cases to "characters in crime fiction/movies/TV,
maybe not actual detectives"]

Agriculture -- Carl Houseman. [Probably been on more farms than any
recent actual Agriculture secretary.]

Veteran's Affairs -- Joe Pike.

Interior -- Skink. ["He'll keep an eye out for the environment."]

Homeland Security -- John McClane. [Yippee-ki-yay, Osama.]

Justice -- Lew Archer. [Because--little known fact--most of the crime
problem in this country is caused by complex guilt-ridden family
conflicts going back decades.]

Education -- John Kimble. [Character played by Arnold Schwarzenegger in
_Kindergarten Cop_, so he's got experience.]

Health and Human Services -- Kay Scarpetta. [Well, she's a doctor.]

Housing and Urban Development -- Roger Murtaugh. [This position always
seems to go to a black guy, plus which he needs to atone for all the
urban destruction in the Lethal Weapon movies.]

Treasury -- Meyer. [From the Travis McGee novels, he edges out Amos
Burke from "Burke's Law".]

State -- Nick Charles. [Because--little known fact--the Secretary of
State needs to be sophisticated at swanky parties and at the same
time be able to drink all the other foreign secretaries under
the table.]

Commerce -- Myron Bolitar. [Seems to know more about business than
most joes in the field.]

Transportation -- Kinsey Millhone. [I have no idea what car most other
detectives drive, but ...]

Defense -- Mike Hammer. [Why mess around with lesser mortals here?]

Labor -- V. I. Warshawski. [Sympathy for the working class.]

Energy -- R. Daneel Olivaw. [We need someone smart in this position, and
also someone strong enough and practically indestructible to break
up the fistfights between Hammer and Warshawski.]

--
-- Paul A. Sand | My list of what does not work is only
-- University of New Hampshire | 1543662 bytes right now. It is not complete,
-- p...@unh.edu | but does provide a good start.
-- http://pubpages.unh.edu/~pas | (Mike Stump, in gnu.g++.bug)

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Randy Money

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Sep 17, 2004, 9:06:47 AM9/17/04
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I'd nominate this as one of the funnier posts I've seen in awhile, but I
do take issue with one thing ...

Paul A Sand wrote:
> In article <19952-414...@storefull-3331.bay.webtv.net>, ell...@webtv.net wrote:
>
>>You have to select your cabinet members. What fictional detective
>>would you choose for which cabinet position?
>

[...]


> Homeland Security -- John McClane. [Yippee-ki-yay, Osama.]

Much as I like McClane, I'd nominate Mouse from the Walter Mosely's Easy
Rawlins series. Not only would he put bullets into Osama and all other
comers, he'd even scare Hammer into less sociopathic behavior.


Randy M.

ell...@webtv.net

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Sep 17, 2004, 9:56:55 AM9/17/04
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<<Energy -- R. Daneel Olivaw. [We need someone smart in this position,
and   also someone strong enough and practically indestructible to
break   up the fistfights between Hammer and Warshawski.]>>

Great list! Very sound choices. But who he?

Ellen C

Randy Money

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Sep 17, 2004, 10:14:32 AM9/17/04
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Character from Isaac Asimov. I think, specifically, _Caves of Steel_. If
not the first s.f./mystery, pretty darn close.


Randy M.

Jr@Ease

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Sep 17, 2004, 10:43:44 AM9/17/04
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Once upon a midnight dreary, Randy Money
<rbm...@spamblocklibrary.syr.edu> pondered, weak and weary:

Wasn't he actually a robot from one or more of the Robot Novels?

John P

Jim Barker

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Sep 17, 2004, 10:47:16 AM9/17/04
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From THE NAKED SUN and THE CAVES OF STEEL. The "R" stood for "Robot".

JimB
(the "B' stands for "Blootered".)

Jim Barker

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Sep 17, 2004, 10:48:45 AM9/17/04
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Of course, Dr. Caligari would be in charge of the cabinet.

JimB

Rae

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Sep 17, 2004, 11:31:31 AM9/17/04
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Awesome list, Paul. I'd make two changes/additions: Jack Reacher as the
head of the Joint Chiefs (I don't think it's a Cabinet position - oh
well). And Elvis Cole as the head of Health and Human Services - he's
family oriented, and he'd shake things up.

Randy Money

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Sep 17, 2004, 11:35:49 AM9/17/04
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Jim Barker wrote:
> Of course, Dr. Caligari would be in charge of the cabinet.
>
> JimB

Would he be ably assisted by Dr. Mabuse?

Actually, this brings up those rare (*cough*) instances when the
administration is corrupt, and the rascals are in charge.


Homeland Security -- Dr. No

Justice -- Michael Corleone

Education -- Professor Moriarty

Health and Human Services -- Dr. Hannibal Lector

Treasury -- Auric Goldfinger

Commerce -- Raffles

Transportation -- Howard Payne (he was good with Speed-y solutions)

Defense -- Gen. Jack D. Ripper -- oh, okay, okay, not a mystery; how
about Dr. No's older cousin, Fu Manchu?


Others?


Randy M.

Joan

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Sep 17, 2004, 12:53:50 PM9/17/04
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>Of course, she'd be an immigrant, so she couldn't be president!
>
>--
>Cheryl


Cheryl, Cheryl, Cheryl . . .

Joan in GB-W


Joan

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Sep 17, 2004, 1:03:15 PM9/17/04
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>You have to select your cabinet members. What fictional detective
>would you choose for which cabinet position?


Department of Justice - Freddy the Pig (Freddy is the detective who introduced
me to the genre)

Sec. of Agriculture - Jane Marple (didn't she have a garden around her
cottage?)

Sec. of Defense - Dirk Pitt (he's a real macho man!)

Sec. of Energy - Amelia Peabody (isn't she just an all around bundle of
energy?)

Surgeon General - Temperance Brennan

Sec. of Labor - Jane Bee (if her cleaning if good enough for QE II, it should
be good enough for everyone)

Joan in GB-W


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Don Harstad

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Sep 17, 2004, 6:18:58 PM9/17/04
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"Paul A Sand" <p...@okoboji.unh.edu> wrote in message
news:slrncklm7...@okoboji.unh.edu...

R. Danieel, eh? Okay! In the same vein, how about Secretary of State Ralph
124C41+ ?

Don H. (Robots are so cool....)


Joan

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Sep 17, 2004, 6:43:28 PM9/17/04
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>Department of Justice - Freddy the Pig (Freddy is the detective who
>introduced
>me to the genre)
>
>Sec. of Agriculture - Jane Marple (didn't she have a garden around her
>cottage?)
>
>Sec. of Defense - Dirk Pitt (he's a real macho man!)
>
>Sec. of Energy - Amelia Peabody (isn't she just an all around bundle of
>energy?)
>
>Surgeon General - Temperance Brennan
>
>Sec. of Labor - Jane Bee (if her cleaning if good enough for QE II, it should
>be good enough for everyone)
>
>Joan in GB-W
>

When I sent the above, I forgot Homeland Security - for that position none
other than our fine French friend, Inspector Clouseau.

Joan in GB-W


Catherine Thompson

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Sep 17, 2004, 6:52:50 PM9/17/04
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Joan wrote:

>
>Sec. of Labor - Jane Bee (if her cleaning if good enough for QE II, it should
>be good enough for everyone)
>
>

You sure you want one of those sneaky socialist-leaning Canucks in yer
all-American cabinet? :-D

Catherine *waving a tiny maple leaf flag*

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>


--
"It is one of the blessings of friends that you can be stupid with them."--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Joan

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Sep 17, 2004, 7:04:11 PM9/17/04
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>Joan wrote:

>>Sec. of Labor - Jane Bee (if her cleaning if good enough for QE II, it
>should
>>be good enough for everyone)
>>
>>
>You sure you want one of those sneaky socialist-leaning Canucks in yer
>all-American cabinet? :-D
>
>Catherine *waving a tiny maple leaf flag*

Hy, Canucks are good people. But what happens if all of the cabinet members
die for some reason, and also the president and vice-president. Can Jane, a
Canuck, ascend to the presidency?
Joan in GB-W


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David Ball

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Sep 17, 2004, 9:30:32 PM9/17/04
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On Fri, 17 Sep 2004 12:30:29 +0000 (UTC), Paul A Sand
<p...@okoboji.unh.edu> wrote:

>Transportation -- Kinsey Millhone. [I have no idea what car most other
> detectives drive, but ...]

How about Stephanie Plum. She should understand just about everything
that can go wrong with transportation by now.

-- David

Kat Richardson

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Sep 17, 2004, 11:27:35 PM9/17/04
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ell...@webtv.net wrote:

I want Gregor Demarkian for Secretary of State.

--
Kat Richardson
Nothing is so bland as an opinion which offends no one.
http://www.eskimo.com/~strange/

Kat Richardson

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Sep 17, 2004, 11:31:27 PM9/17/04
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Paul A Sand wrote:


> Education -- John Kimble. [Character played by Arnold Schwarzenegger in
> _Kindergarten Cop_, so he's got experience.]

And a ferret! so he can be Secretary of the Interior, too!

Annie C

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Sep 17, 2004, 11:34:07 PM9/17/04
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<ell...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:19952-414...@storefull-3331.bay.webtv.net...

| You've been elected President. (No, that's not the crime--unless you
| won Florida)
|
| You have to select your cabinet members. What fictional detective
| would you choose for which cabinet position?
|
| I'll go first: Secretary of Defense: Hawk
|
| Ellen C
|

Administrator of EPA - BOB DILLON! (Bill Fitzhugh)
.. believes in managing things the environmentally friendly way ;)

Secy of the Interior - ANNA PIGEON (Nevada Barr)
.. hands-on experience with natl park system!

Secy of State - CASEY JONES (Katy Munger )
who better to liven up those dull press conferences?..

Drug Czar (Dir., National Drug Control Policy ) - JACK TAYLOR (Ken Bruen )
definitely a man with experience..

Secy of Defense - JACK REACHER (Lee Child)
... naturally ;)

Secy of Health and Human Services - Dr WATSON,
... elementary

Homeland Security - BOND, James Bond..

Secy of Agriculture - CHANCE the gardener ;) (Jerzy Kosinski)
..I know, not quite a mystery.. but who'd be more perfect? ;)

Secy of Transportation - VI WARSHAWSKI (Sara Paretsky)
..can maneuver urban traffic faster than anyone on record! ;)

Cool thread, Ellen!

Annie

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Mark Alan Miller

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Sep 21, 2004, 3:10:45 PM9/21/04
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"David Ball" <davidbem...@yahoo.com.nospam> wrote in message
news:d71nk05kc02apr71v...@4ax.com...

I was wondering where we could fit her in. Probably more reasonable to give
Ranger the job, since he's the one who supplies Stephanie with most of her
disposable cars.

Treasury: that oldie by goodie, John Putnam Thatcher, banker extraordinaire
(Emma Lathen).

Education: Amanda Pepper, who is used to dealing with difficult students
(Gillian Roberts)

Interior: Anna Pigeon, who has real National Park experience, though she
may not be patient enough (Nevada Barr)

Housing and Urban Development: Blanche White, poor and black, but knows how
other people lives because she cleans for them (Barbara Neely)

Justice: Whit Mosley, Justice of the Peace in a small Texas town. Now if
he could just get over his mother. (Jeff Abbott)

Health and Human Services: Hitchcock Sewell, who sees the end results (Tim
Cockey)

Agriculture: Claire Sharples, plant biologist in an agricultural extension
service and sensible environmentalist (Rebecca Rothenberg)

For the rest, Paul's picks seem ideal, especially Nick Charles for State.

Mark Alan Miller


Mark Alan Miller

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Sep 21, 2004, 3:12:41 PM9/21/04
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"Kat Richardson" <null....@lycos.comPOST> wrote in message
news:HWN2d.452587$%_6.318603@attbi_s01...

> ell...@webtv.net wrote:
>
> > You've been elected President. (No, that's not the crime--unless you
> > won Florida)
> >
> > You have to select your cabinet members. What fictional detective
> > would you choose for which cabinet position?
> >
> > I'll go first: Secretary of Defense: Hawk
> >
> > Ellen C
>
> I want Gregor Demarkian for Secretary of State.

I think I'd want Gregor at the U.N. Or at Justice.

Mark Alan Miller


ell...@webtv.net

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Sep 23, 2004, 2:02:51 AM9/23/04
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<<Transportation -- Kinsey Millhone. [I have no idea what car most other
  detectives drive, but ...] >>

<<How about Stephanie Plum. She should understand just about everything
that can go wrong with transportation by now.>>

No, no! It has to be Dortmunder's Murch, (and Murch's Mom) He knows
the fastest route to everywhere.

Ellen C

JLS411

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Sep 23, 2004, 7:45:21 PM9/23/04
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<< You've been elected President. (No, that's not the crime--unless you
> > won Florida)
> >
> > You have to select your cabinet members. What fictional detective
> > would you choose for which cabinet position?
> >
> > I'll go first: Secretary of Defense: Hawk
> >
> > Ellen C
>
> I want Gregor Demarkian for Secretary of State.

I think I'd want Gregor at the U.N. Or at Justice. >>

New head of the CIA?


Jenni :-)
"Holy Cow! You just fell on Aerosmith!"
--The Simpsons

MJMC

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Sep 23, 2004, 9:52:07 PM9/23/04
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No, Munch Mancini. She knows cars.

Melissa

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