Nose jokes from Cyrano and Roxanne
Greg Bole
and Roxanne.
Subtitles from Gerard Depardieu's lines in _Cyrano de Bergerac_
1. Agressive: A nose in such a state, I'd amputate.
2. Friendly: It must dip in your cup, you need a crane to hoist it up.
3. Descriptive: A rock, a bluff, a cape. No a peninsula in size and shape.
4. Curious: What is that oblong? A writing desk, or am I wrong?
5. Gracious: Are you fond of birds? How sweet.
You provide a gothic perch for them to rest their feet.
6. Truculent: A smoker? I suppose the fumes gush out from that nose like
a chimney on fire.
7. Kind: It will drag you in the mire head-first with its weight.
8. Tender: I'll have an umbrella made to give it some summer shade.
9. Pedantic: The beast of Aristophanes the hippocampocamelelephunt
had flesh and bone like that up front.
10. Dramatic: It bleeds like the Red Sea.
11. Impressed: What a sign for a perfumery.
12. Lyrical: Ah, Triton rising from the waters.
13. Naive: How much to view the monument?
14. Warlike: Train it on the cavalry!
15. Practical: Put that in a lottery for noses and it'll be first prize.
16. And finally, with sighs and cries in language deeply felt:
O that this too, too solid nose would melt.
Steve Martin in _Roxanne_
1. Obvious: Scuse me, is that your nose, or did a bus park on your face?
2. Meteorlogical: Everyone take cover, she's goiong to blow!
3. Fasionable: You know you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore
something larger.....like Wyoming!
4. Personal: Well, here we are. Just the three of us.
5. Punctual: Alright gentleman, your nose was on time, but you were fifteen
minutes late!
6. Envious: Oooo, I wish I were you. To be able to smell your own ear.
7. Philisophical: You know it's not the size of the nose that's important.
It's what's in it that matters.
8. Humerous: Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Sneeze and it's goodbye Seattle!
9. Commercial: Hi, I'm Earl Shive and I can paint that nose for $39.95!
10. Polite: Uh, would you mind not bobbing your head? The orchestra keeps
changing tempo.
11. Melodic: Everyone now, "He's got the whooole world...in his nose."
12. Sypathetic: Awww, what happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God?
13. Complimentary: You must looove the little birdies, to give them this
to perch on.
14. Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides?
15. Obscure: Huh, I'd hate to see the grindstone. Hey, think about it.
16. Inquiry: When you stop and smell the flowers, are they afraid?
17. French: Say, the pigs have refused to find any more truffles until
you leave!
At which point he asks the crowd: "How many is that?" and one of his
fire-fighters shouts: "Fourteen Chief!", who either was so drunk he couldn't
count, took a blind guess, or just wanted to see if C.D. could come up with
a few more than promised.
18. Religious: The Lord giveth, and he just kept on giving, didn't he?
19. Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair?
20. Paranoid: Keep that guy away from my cocaine!
21. Aromatic: It must be wonderful to wake up and smell the coffee...in Brazil.
22. Appreciative: Ooo, how original. Most people just have their teeth capped.
23. Dirty: Pardon me sir, some of the ladies here asked if you wouldn't
mind putting that thing away.
The only one borrowed from Cyrano is number 13, the one about a place for
birds to perch. C.D. later repeats this line when he takes out his pet
parakeet and indeed lets it perch on his probiscus.
Greg Bole "We're talking about a religious
bo...@hmivax.humgen.upenn.edu experience here. I might say 'doth'
or 'thou' or alot of things."
Steve Martin in _Grand Canyon_
Lipton Ann Meredith
>From a recent thread talking about the nose jokes from Cyrano de Bergerac
>and Roxanne.
>
>
>
Actually, you missed at least two Greg:
Pornographic: Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once!
Dirty: Your name wouldn't be Dick, would it?
So that brings the grand total of Steve's 20 jokes up to 25.
Wonder why they did that?
Firestar
--
I don't bite, you know. | Find me and turn thy | It is better to have loved
Unless it's called for. | back on heaven. | and lost than to have your
-- Audrey Hepburn, Charade | -- R. W. Emerson | finger caught in a blender.
*******************************************************************************
Greg Bole
>>Steve Martin in _Roxanne_
> Actually, you missed at least two Greg:
>
> Pornographic: Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once!
>
> Dirty: Your name wouldn't be Dick, would it?
Ahhhh! I recorded it today of Network TV. Not suprising that those two
were edited out. Thanks for the additions. *smile*
> So that brings the grand total of Steve's 20 jokes up to 25.
>
> Wonder why they did that?
I thought my reasoning was pretty good:
>At which point he asks the crowd: "How many is that?" and one of his
>fire-fighters shouts: "Fourteen Chief!", who either was so drunk he couldn't
>count, took a blind guess, or just wanted to see if C.D. could come up with
>a few more than promised.
Greg Bole "All of life's riddles
bo...@hmivax.humgen.upenn.edu are answered in the movies."
Glory Card!
You missed one, I think.
Pornographic: "Now there's a man who can satisfy two women at once!"
Gretchen
--
"The mist clung to the mountain the same way a thirteen-year-old girl clings
to her boyfriend, although the mountain wasn't thinking about "getting lucky."
(1990 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest entry)
Joe Stremick
[Long list of nose jokes deleted]
That was great! However, I thought there was one that was
missed, from _Roxanne_:
Pornographic: At last, a man who can satisfy two women at once!
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Murray Chapman
>In article <1993Feb1.0...@leland.Stanford.EDU>,
>fire...@leland.Stanford.EDU (Lipton Ann Meredith) writes:
>>At which point he asks the crowd: "How many is that?" and one of his
>>fire-fighters shouts: "Fourteen Chief!", who either was so drunk he couldn't
>>count, took a blind guess, or just wanted to see if C.D. could come up with
>>a few more than promised.
Either that, or it was to show that the scriptwriters (or Martin) didn't have
any trouble making up jokes: they were showing off!
>Greg Bole "All of life's riddles
Murray
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