Memorable Quotes from Movies [DATABASE LIST]
Lars Joergen Aas
Posting-Frequency: monthly
Last-modified: 07/16/94
Version: 1.07
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This is the QUOTES LIST
(Memorable Quotes from Movies)
Maintained by: Lars Joergen Aas (la...@colargol.edb.tih.no)
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FACTS & FIGURES:
*) This list is supported by the Col Needham's movie database v2.9 and
upwards (current release: 3.0) and Cardiff's Movie Database Browser (WWW).
The latter includes hypertext links which isn't easy to implement in
ASCII- files ;)
*) This list has now quotes from 240 different titles.
*) It contains 436 individual quotes from at least 356 different actors.
New titles: Back to the Future
Basic Instinct
Better Off Dead (1985)
Blaze
Brighton Beach Memoirs
Bull Durham
Bullseye! (1991)
By Dawn's Early Light (TV)
City Slickers
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Contempt
Dirty Harry
Fearless Vampire Killers or: Pardon Me, But Your Teeth Are in My Neck, The
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Final Analysis
Fletch
Freshman, The (1990)
Groundhog Day
Hard Way, The (1991)
Hellbound
Johnny Dangerously
Just One of the Guys
Malice
Muppet Movie, The
My Favorite Year
People Under the Stairs, The
Planet of the Apes
Real McCoy, The
Reality Bites
Reservoir Dogs
Rising Sun
School for Scoundrels
Sleeper
So I Married an Axe Murderer
Spies Like Us
This Is Spinal Tap
Tombstone
Total Recall
Unforgiven (1992)
Untouchables, The
Voyage (1993) (TV)
Zelig
Modified entries: Adventures of Ford Fairlane, The
Arthur
Army of Darkness
Blues Brothers, The
Body Heat
Ghostbusters
Heathers
His Girl Friday
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear, The
Princess Bride, The
Real Genius
Roxanne
Running Man, The (1987)
Under Siege (1992)
Young Guns (1988)
CONTRIBUTIONS and CORRECTIONS to this list is welcomed at mo...@ibmpcug.co.uk
with the subject "ADD" and the keyword "QUOTE" on a line above the quotes.
To find out how to use the email-server use the subject "HELP" instead.
* Include which movie the quotes are taken from. I would appreciate if the
movie title is consistent with the movie database, including the optional
year of release. Avoid AKA-titles.
* Write in a script-like way (see the list below) and include both the actors'
real names and the character names.
* Keep narration brief, but do narrate if necessary.
* Don't submit any quote. Please try to avoid spoilers, and only submit
quotes which have a certain point to them. It doesn't need to be a funny
quote (but they most often will be), but it should be memorable (like Roy's
last words in `Blade Runner').
* Keep the QUALITY UP and the QUANTITY DOWN.
* The quotes should be correct. Correct spelling and written _exactly_ as
it's said in the movie.
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The rec.arts.movies database consists of the following lists:
List | Maintained by | Updated
---------------------|--------------------------------------------|----------
Actors | Col Needham <c...@ibmpcug.co.uk> | 07/15/94
Actresses | Col Needham <c...@ibmpcug.co.uk> | 07/15/94
Alternative Titles | Michel Hafner <haf...@ifi.unizh.ch> | 07/08/94
Biographies | Mark Harding <cc...@ss1.bath.ac.uk> | 07/15/94
Character Names | Steve Hammond <sham...@indirect.com> | 07/08/94
Cinematographers | Michel Hafner <haf...@ifi.unizh.ch> | 07/08/94
Composers | Michel Hafner <haf...@ifi.unizh.ch> | 07/08/94
Costume Designers | Michel Hafner <haf...@ifi.unizh.ch> | 07/08/94
Crazy Credits | Mark Harding <cc...@ss1.bath.ac.uk> | 07/15/94
Directors | Col Needham <c...@ibmpcug.co.uk> | 07/15/94
Editors | Col Needham <c...@ibmpcug.co.uk> | 07/15/94
Goofs | Michael Gaines <ren...@teak.njit.edu> | 06/10/94
Movies | Michel Hafner <haf...@ifi.unizh.ch> | 07/08/94
Plot Summaries | Colin Tinto <col...@spider.co.uk> | 07/15/94
Producers | Andre Bernhardt <uj...@rz.uni-karlsruhe.de> | 06/10/94
Production Designers | Michel Hafner <haf...@ifi.unizh.ch> | 07/08/94
Quotes | Lars J Aas <la...@colargol.edb.tih.no> | 07/15/94
Ratings | Col Needham <c...@ibmpcug.co.uk> | 07/15/94
Running Times | Gene Volovich <volo...@netcom.com> | 07/15/94
Soundtracks | Ron Higgins <rhig...@carroll1.cc.edu> | 07/08/94
Trivia | Murray Chapman <muz...@cs.uq.oz.au> | 06/24/94
Writers | Jon Reeves <ree...@zk3.dec.com> | 06/10/94
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The lists are available via anonymous FTP from:
cathouse.org in pub/cathouse/movies/database
ftp.funet.fi in pub/culture/tv+film/lists
SEARCHING THE DATABASE
======================
The movie database frequently asked questions list contains more information
on the whole movie database project. For a copy send an e-mail message with
the subject "HELP FAQ" to <mo...@ibmpcug.co.uk>. Here is a summary of the
ways to access the database:
(1) e-mail interface
For details send a message with the subject HELP to <mo...@ibmpcug.co.uk>
(2) WWW interface
The database is available via the World Wide Web. Access is via a
"browser". The two main WWW browsers are Mosaic and Lynx...
Mosaic (X windows, MS-Windows, Mac, Amiga) ftp.ncsa.uiuc.edu /Web
lynx (vt100) ftp.wustl.edu /packages/www/lynx
From your browser, OPEN or GO to the any of the following documents:
http://www.cm.cf.ac.uk/Movies/ (European users prefered)
http://www.msstate.edu/Movies/ (USA/rest of world prefered)
http://ballet.cit.gu.edu.au/Movies/ (Australian users *only*)
See the comp.infosystems.www FAQ for more information on the WWW.
(3) local installation (Unix/Amiga)
The movie database package enables you to install the data locally and
provides a variety of search tools. It is available via anonymous FTP:
cathouse.org in /pub/cathouse/movies/database/tools/moviedb-3.0.tar.Z
ftp.funet.fi in /pub/culture/tv+film/lists/tools/moviedb-3.0.tar.gz
see the README file in the same directories for more information. The Amiga
version is in the file mdb_Amiga_2.8.lha.
(4) local installation (MS-DOS)
The CineBASE program provides an MS-DOS interface to the database and is
also available via anonymous FTP:
cathouse.org in /pub/cathouse/movies/database/tools/cb130a.zip
ftp.funet.fi in /pub/culture/tv+film/lists/tools/cb130a.zip
(note: the format of the cast lists has just changed, so temporarily the
cast data cannot be loaded into CineBASE. The author is working on new
version which will be available shortly)
(5) telnet access via WWW
There are several telnet'able WWW servers. Here are some examples;
telnet info.cern.ch
then type go http://www.cm.cf.ac.uk/Movies/
telnet www.njit.edu (login: www)
then type g http://www.cm.cf.ac.uk/Movies/
telnet ukanaix.cc.ukans.edu (login: www) needs vt100
then look under "by Subject" then "Movies"
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QUOTES LIST
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# 'burbs, The
[Last Line]
Ricky Butler: God I love this street.
# 'Crocodile' Dundee
Richard Mason: Take care now.
Sue Charlton: Don't worry. I'm a New Yorker!
Neville Bell: Oh no, you can't take my photograph.
Sue Charlton: Oh, I'm sorry, you believe it will take your spirit away?
Neville Bell: No, you got the lens-cap on.
Michael J. (Crocodile Dundee): Me and God - we'd be mates!
Michael J. (Crocodile Dundee): For a minute there, "room-service" took on a
whole new meaning.
# 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
Captain Nemo: I wonder if you are familiar with utensils, Mr. Land?
Ned Land: I'm indifferent to 'em.
# 2010
HAL-9000: Dr. Chandra, will I dream?
# 39 Steps, The (1935)
Richard Hannay: I know what it is to feel lonely and helpless and to have
the whole world against me, and those are things that no men or women
ought to feel.
Richard Hannay: There are 20 million women in this island and I get to be
chained to you.
# 48 HRS.
Reggie Hammond: Tell me a bedtime story.
Jack Cates: Fuck you.
Reggie Hammond: That's my favourite.
# Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
[Ace Ventura is trying to get his car started, while looking at somebody
smashing it with a bat in his mirror]
Ace Ventura: Warning! Assholes are closer than they appear!
[Ace Ventura is chewing on sunflower seeds, periodically emptying the shells
on the desk]
Melissa: Would you like an ash tray?
[Ace Ventura got seeds all over his teeth]
Ace Ventura: No, I don't smoke; Disgusting habit.
[Ace Ventura arrives at a posh party when a bald butler dressed in white
answer the door]
Ace Ventura: Hello, Captain Stubing! Permission to come aboard?
Ace Ventura: I just visited Ray Finkles place.
Melissa: And?
Ace Ventura: Cozy, if you're Hannibal Lector.
Ace Ventura: If Lt. Einhorn is a woman, AS SHE CLAIMS TO BE... Then she is
suffering from the WORST case of hemmorhoids I have EVER seen!
[Ace Ventura turns Einhorn around to reveal a "tucked back" peace of male
anatomy]
Ace Ventura: Thank you! Thank you! I'll be preforming here all night, be
sure to tip your waitress.
# Adventures of Baron Munchausen, The
Baron: Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm delighted to say
that I have no grasp of it whatsoever.
# Adventures of Ford Fairlane, The
Ford Fairlane: Heh! 300 coming up!
Ford Fairlane: Hey, look. Write down my number: 555-6321 Got it?
Twin Club Girl: Yeah. Wait a minute! 555 is not a real number! They only
use that in the movies!
Ford Fairlane: No shit, honey. What do you think this is? Real life?
Ford Fairlane: You're 10 seconds away from the most embarrassing moment in
your life!
Ford Fairlane: So many assholes... So few bullets...
Lt. Amos: You think you are so hot 'cos you get in all the clubs, heh?
Just because you have sex with great looking women...
Ford Fairlane: You got to admit those are pretty good reasons...
Ford Fairlane: Some people play hard to get. I play hard to want.
Ford Fairlane: Johnny was the only guy who could out-disgust me. When we
were kids we had gross-out contests. I'd cough a pile of phlegm on a
table, he said "Nice try!" and pulled out a straw...
Jazz: Well, that weekend was a mistake!
Ford Fairlane: Hey, look. I'm sorry I made you clean the toilets and the
bathtubs, I mean, who did all the work in bed?
Ford Fairlane: How much?
Ticket Guy: 300.
Ford Fairlane: 300? You charged the chicks one!
Ticket Guy: Hey, they blew me.
[A brief pause for some thinking]
Lt. Amos: I can't believe anybody can have so much fucking fun in a
funeral, Fairlane.
Lt. Amos: See, that's the difference between a great investigator like me,
and a piece of spam like you.
Ford Fairlane: Spam? You're a piece of spam. That's what I think of you.
Lt. Amos: No, I call you a piece of spam, 'cos that's what you are.
Ford Fairlane: Spam!
[At the "sisters'" house, surrounded by all the semi-nude women]
Ford Fairlane: hibb.. hibbdy.. Maybe I did die in the explosion, you
know.
Don Cleveland: With friends like you, who needs enemies?
# Adventures of Robin Hood, The
[Robin Hood (Sir Robin of Loxley), addressed to Prince John]
Robin Hood (Sir Robin of Loxley): I'll organize a revolt, exact a death for
a death, and I'll never rest until every Saxon in this shire can stand up
free men and strike a blow for Richard and England... From this night on
I'll use every means in my power to fight you!
Lady Marian Fitzswalter: Why, you speak treason!
Robin Hood (Sir Robin of Loxley): Fluently.
# Aladdin (1992)
The Genii: Rug-man! It's been a few millennia. Slap me some tassel!
# Alien (1979)
[Kane starts choking in the scene where the Alien bursts from his chest]
Parker: What's the matter man, the food ain't THAT bad?!
Ash: You still don't know what you're dealing with do you? Perfect
organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility...
I admire its purity, a survivor; unclouded by conscience, remorse or
delusions of morality.
[Last line (also used in _Alien 3_ (qv))]
Ellen Ripley: ..., Ash and captain Dallas are dead. Cargo and Ship
destroyed. I should reach the frontier in about 6 weeks. With a little
luck, the network will pick me up. This is Ripley - last survivor of The
Nostromo - signing off.
# Alien 3
[Ellen Ripley is looking for the Alien]
Ellen Ripley: Don't be afraid, I'm part of the family.
[Last line (like in _Alien (1979)_ (qv))]
Ellen Ripley: ..., Ash and captain Dallas are dead. Cargo and Ship
destroyed. I should reach the frontier in about 6 weeks. With a little
luck, the network will pick me up. This is Ripley - last survivor of The
Nostromo - signing off.
# Aliens
Private Hudson: Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
Private Vasquez: No, have you?
[When they are dropped over LV-426]
Private Hudson: We're on the express elevator to hell - going down.
Bishop: I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid.
[Lieutenant Gorman orders the troops to disarm all their weapons before the
first alien encounter]
Private Frost: What the hell are we supposed to use man, harsh language?
Private Hudson: Yeah, but it's a dry heat!
Private Hudson: Let's just bug out and call it even, OK?
Ellen Ripley: I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit.
That's the only way to be sure.
Private Hudson: Fuckin' A...
Burke: Ho-ho-hold on one second. This installation has a substantial
dollar-value attached to it.
Ellen Ripley: They can *bill* me.
[The drop-ship crashes]
Private Hudson: Well that's great, that's just fuckin' great man, now what
the fuck are we supposed to do? We're in some real pretty shit now man...
That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fuck are we gonna do
now? What are we gonna do?
Private Hudson: Dear Lord Jesus, this can't be happenin' man, this isn't
happenin...
Ellen Ripley: Hudson! This little girl survived longer than that with no
weapons and no training. Right?
Private Hudson: Yeah? So put her in charge!
Bishop: I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Private Hudson: Well that's a switch.
# All of Me (1984)
Roger Cobb: You bought me a grave-post for my 38th birthday?
Edwina Cutwater: Guess what I'm going to do?
Roger Cobb: What?
Edwina Cutwater: I'm going to come back from the dead.
Roger Cobb: Aaahhhh. And what makes you think you can do that?
Edwina Cutwater: Because I'm rich...
Burton Schyuler: Are you strong enough to continue?
Edwina Cutwater: What? Oh, I'm fine. Really. I'm fine. Tell them!
Dr. Betty Ahrens: She could drop dead any minute...
Edwina Cutwater: Don't mind her. She is only trying to make me feel good.
Edwina Cutwater: I can't believe this. I can't even die right!
Peggy Schyuler: Roger, you go to court tomorrow, we're through!
Roger Cobb: If I don't, your father will have my balls.
Peggy Schyuler: Then it's either me or your balls. You can't have both!
Roger Cobb: Women, eh? Can't live with them. Can't live without them.
[Referring to Edwina Cutwater]
Roger Cobb: You know, it's just like a dead person to say something like
that!
Tyrone Wattell: Roger, exactly how do you plan pulling this off?
Roger Cobb: Beats the heck out of me.
Tyrone Wattell: Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse
trouble than I thought.
Edwina Cutwater as Terry Hoskins: I love it when you talk like a beer
commercial.
# Animal Crackers
Captain Jeffrey Spaulding: One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.
Captain Jeffrey Spaulding: You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way.
# Apartment, The
Fran Kubelik: When you're in love with a married man you shouldn't wear
mascara.
# Apocalypse Now
Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore: I love the smell of napalm in the morning...
Smells like victory.
Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore: Charlie don't surf!
Captain Benjamin L. Willard: Saigon. Still in Saigon. Shit!
# Armed and Dangerous
[Frank Dooley is being driven at high speed to the scene of the crime by
"The Cowboy", a truck driver with a load of rocket fuel]
The Cowboy: Slim, I ain't never seen a handgun that big before.
Frank Dooley: Yeah, it's a 50 callibur... They used to use it to hunt
buffalo with... Up close! It's only legal in two states... This isn't
one of them.
Tanning salon woman: Gosh, I didn't realize it was going to be this formal,
if I had known it was going to be this kind of party I would have worn
underwear.
Maggie Cavanaugh: Just remember, when you pull the trigger, the bullets
come out going VERY VERY fast... So make sure to keep the weapon pointing
away from you. Now that's about it. You are now armed [slight pause]
guards. God help us all.
# Army of Darkness
[Upon getting the powered glove in place of his right hand]
Ash: Groovy.
[In a passionate moment of romance]
Ash: Gimme some sugar, baby.
Ash: Don't touch that please, you primitive intellect wouldn't understand
things with alloys and compositions and things with ... molecular
structures.
Demon Lady: I'll swallow your soul!
Ash: Come get some.
Village Resident: Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts?
Ash: Nope. Just me baby... Just me.
Ash: Klaatu Verata Nicto
Wise man: Again
Ash: Klaatu Verata Nicto
Wise man: Again
Ash: Look, I know your damn words!
Ash: Klaatu Verata N... N... It's definitely an "N" word!
[The girl wants to apologize to Ash]
Ash: First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow.
[When the witch comes at the end]
Ash: Yo, she-bitch! [cocks shotgun] Let's go!
[As undead Ash stands triumphant on catapult]
Ash: Buckle up Bonehead. 'Cos you're goin' for a ride!
[After defeating Bad Ash]
Ash: Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.
Ash: Shop smart, shop S-mart!
[Last line]
Ash: Hail to the king, baby.
# Arthur
Arthur Bach: I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I had.
[While Arthur Bach is taking a bath]
Arthur Bach: God, Hobson, isn't life wonderful?
Hobson: Yes it is, Arthur, do your armpits.
Arthur Bach: A hot bath is Wonderful... Girls are WONDERFUL!
Hobson: Yes, imagine how wonderful a girl who bathes would be... Get
dressed.
Arthur Bach: I race cars, play tennis, and fondle women, BUT!...I have
weekends off, and I am my own boss.
Hobson: Good afternoon. If you and your undershirt will take two paces
backwards, I could enter this dwelling.
[After Linda Marolla stole a necktie from a store]
Hobson: Arthur, I see no reason for prolonging this conversation, unless
you plan on knocking over a fruit-stand later this afternoon.
[To Linda Marolla]
Hobson: Good luck in prison.
[In Burt Johnson's den, looking at a moosehead mounted on the wall]
Arthur Bach: Where is the rest of this moose?
Arthur Bach: It's so small, they recently had the whole country carpeted.
# Baby Boom
doctor Jeff Cooper: You know... you kind of remind me of a bullterrier of
some kind.
J.C. Wiatt: Yeah, I bet you say that to all the girls.
# Back to the Future
Marty McFly: If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.
Biff Tannen: So why don't you make like a tree and get outta here.
[Instead of "My destiny has brought me to you!"]
George McFly: My density has popped me to you!
# Bananas
Fielding Mellish: I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in
braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
# Barbarian Queen
Amathea: I'll be no man's slave and no man's whore, and if I can't kill
them all, by the gods they'll know I've tried.
# Basic Instinct
Gus: Did you ever do drugs with Mr. Boz?
Catherine Tramell: Sure.
Gus: What kind of drugs?
Catherine Tramell: Cocaine. Have you ever fucked on cocaine Nick? It's
nice.
[Catherine Tramell uncrosses her legs and it can be seen she's wearing no
underwear]
Detective Nick Curran: You like playing games don't you?
Catherine Tramell: I have a degree in psychology, it goes with the turf...
Games are fun.
# Batman (1989)
[Repeated line]
Jack Napier: Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
[Jack Napier is confronted with Batman for the first time]
Jack Napier: Nice outfit!
[Joker gives someone a hand and electrocutes him]
Joker: Oh, I got a live one here!
[Jack Napier looks through a pile of pictures and sees Vicki Vale for the
first time]
Jack Napier: Stop the press, who is that?
# Best Man, The
William Russell: T.T. Claypoole has all the characteristics of a dog except
loyalty.
# Better Off Dead (1985)
Lane Myer: I'm sorry your mom blew up, Ricky.
# Billy Budd
Billy Budd: Farewell to the Rights of Man!
# Billy Ze Kick
[The police are interrogating some witnesses]
Witness: He looked very North-African and he had something oriental in his
face; actually, he looked more like a Turk, like a Germanic Turk, with
blue eyes...
# Birds, The
Cathy Brenner: He's got a client who shot his wife in the head six times.
Six times, can you imagine it? I mean, even twice would be overdoing it,
don't you think?
# Blade Runner
Deckard: Sushi. That's what my ex-wife calls me - Cold fish.
Sushi Master: He say you are blade runner.
Deckard: Tell him I'm eating.
Deckard: I have had people walk out on me before, but not when I was being
so charming.
Roy Batty: Chew, if only you could see what I've seen with your eyes!
Roy Batty: It's not an easy thing to meet your maker.
Tyrell: The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long - and you
have burned so very, very brightly, Roy.
Roy Batty: I've seen things you wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off
the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the
Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in
rain. Time to die.
Leon: Nothing is worse than having an itch you can never scratch!
Leon: Wake up! Time to die!
Pris: Must get lonely here, J.F.
J.F. Sebastian: Not really. I MAKE friends. They're toys. My friends are
toys. I make them. It's a hobby. I'm a genetic designer.
Rachael: I'm not in the business... I am the business...
Gaff: It's too bad she won't live! But then again, who does?
# Blaze
Earl Long: Would you still love me as much if I wasn't the fine governor of
the great state of Louisiana?
Blaze Starr: Would you still love *me* if I had little tits and worked in a
fish house?
# Blind Fury
Crook: God damn! That thing's got more holes than my daddy's rubber.
# Blues Brothers, The
The Bartender: We got both kinds of music - country AND western.
Elwood Blues: You were in jail... You had no hope... So I took the
liberty of bullshitting you.
Elwood Blues: It's a 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas,
half a packet of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake Blues: Hit it!
# Body Heat
[First Line]
Ned Racine: My history is burning up out there.
[Pick-Up Line]
Matty Walker: You're not very bright, are you? I like that in a man.
# Bram Stoker's Dracula
Vlad Dracula: I have crossed oceans of time to find you.
# Brighton Beach Memoirs
[Eugene is explaining his intense desire to play for the Yankees]
Eugene: I'll never make it with the Yankes. All the great Yankees are
Italian. My mother makes spaghetti with ketchup - what chance do I have?
# Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Coach: OK people, they are psyching you out. Let's not be so defensive out
there, OK? Now what do we say on the court, repeat after me; I am a
person, I have the right to the ball.
[The Coach is having the last pep-talk with his team, pointing at a piece of
paper with an infinity-sign, some male / female symbols and the eye inside
the pyramid]
Coach: ...therefore, if we all work together, together we'll work out. Are
you with me? Get out there! All right! Score some.. eh.. points! Hey,
you missed practice again today! I think you better sit down and think
about how that made me feel...
[After getting his whole arm cut of]
Amilyn: You ruined my jacket! Kill him A LOT!
# Bull Durham
[Crash Davies starts to walk out on Annie because he says he doesn't believe
in quantum physics when it comes to matters of the heart]
Annie: Well, what *do* you believe in?
Crash Davies: Well, I believe in the soul. The cock, the pussy, the small
of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that
the novels of Susan Sontag are overindulgent, overrated crap... I believe
Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone! I believe that there oughta be a
constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I
believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents
Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow,
deep, soft, WET kisses that last three days. Good night.
[He laughs and walks out.]
Annie: Oh my.
# Bullseye! (1991)
[Lipton knocks his door and the entire front of the house collapses around
him; the hole where the door was saves him from certain death. He wanders
away dazed. Willie pulls up in her car.]
Willie: What's wrong?
Lipton: I come from a broken home.
# By Dawn's Early Light (TV)
[Alice has just refused an order from the acting president]
Sam: They'll shoot you for this general.
Alice: Sam old friend, I should find such an angel of mercy.
[Harpoon and Fargo try to advise the acting president on how to react to the
nuclear conflict]
Harpoon: Use the pause... Settle things down.
Fargo: The best defence... Cut off the head of the Soviet chicken.
[President talking of the incompetent acting president]
President: We got Alice in one plane and the mad hatter in another.
# Cadillac Man
[Joe is trading insults with a photographer]
Joe: You know what you are --- you're an ass-half... Takes two of you to
make an ass-whole.
Moly: ...you have no respect for women.
Joe: I guess dinner and a blow job's out of the question.
Moly: I guess.
Joe: We'll forget dinner...
# Casablanca
Yvonne: Where were you last night?
Rick Blaine: That's so long ago, I don't remember.
Yvonne: Will I see you tonight?
Rick Blaine: I never make plans that far ahead.
Rick Blaine: So who are you really? And what were you before? And what
did you do? And what did you think?
Rick Blaine: I came here for the waters.
Louis: But Casablanca is in a desert.
Rick Blaine: I was misinformed.
Rick Blaine: Here's looking at you, kid.
[Last line]
Rick Blaine: Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful
friendship.
# Citizen Kane
[First line]
Charles Foster Kane: Rosebud... Rosebud...
Charles Foster Kane: I run a couple of newspapers. What do you do?
# City Slickers
[First line (running through the streets in front of angry bulls,
deliberately)]
Mitch Robbins: Who's idea was this anyway???
Phil Berquist: Where are you from?
Ben Jessup: Baltimore. We have a dental practice there.
Mitch Robbins: Really, you're both dentists?
Steve Jessup: Yes! We're black AND we're dentists. Let's not make an
issue out of it.
Ben Jessup: Eh, they're not making an issue of it. You're making an issue
of it.
Bonnie Rayburn: Listen, it took a lot of courage to do what you did...
Thank you.
Mitch Robbins: I'm married.
Curly: I crap bigger than you!
[Ed Furillo accuses Mitch Robbins of flirting with Bonnie Rayburn]
Mitch Robbins: I just said 'Hello'!
Ed Furillo: That's not 'hello'. That's 'Hi, I like your ass. Can I use it
as a hat?'.
Mitch Robbins: Hi Curly. Killed anyone today?
Curly: The day ain't over yet...
[While Mitch Robbins is delivering the calf (Norman)]
Mitch Robbins: You know, this was not in the brochure...
Phil Berquist: You know you were right, mitch. My life is a "do-over".
It's time to get started.
Mitch Robbins: I hope I can help.
Ed Furillo: Now I'm gonna go home, and I'm gonna get Kim pregnant.
Mitch Robbins: I hope I can help.
# Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Brad Neary: I don't understand these fractions.
Roy Neary: What's one third of sixty?
Brad Neary: That's a fraction, I don't understand them.
Roy Neary: Alright, lets say that this box car is sixty feet long, ok?, and
one third of it is across this switch here, alright... And now another
train is coming... Now, how far do you have to move this box car so that
the other train doesn't smash it? Quickly Brad, there are thousands of
lives at stake... Brad any answer...
[CRASH!].
# Closet Land
Torturer: We are both seekers of truth and in this quest I am your friend,
philosopher and guide.
# Commando (1985)
Matrix: I let him go.
Matrix: I'll be back, Bennet!
# Conan the Barbarian
Conan: Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it.
No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we
fought, and why we died. All that matters is that today, two stood
against many. Valor pleases you, so grant me this one request. Grant me
revenge! And if you do not listen, the HELL with you!
Valeria: Do you want to live forever?
Thulsa Doom: Now they will know why they are afraid of the dark. Now they
learn why they fear the night.
Subotai: He is Conan, Cimmerian, he won't cry, so I cry for him.
Mongol General: Conan, what is good in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, hear the
lamentations of the women.
# Contempt
Film Producer: When I hear the word culture, I take out my checkbook.
# Coogan's Bluff
[Coogan is taking a bath, a busty woman is washing him, Coogan throws the
soap, aiming for her cleavage, and misses]
Woman: Need a bigger target ?
Coogan: There aint any in this county.
# Dark Backward, The
Rosarita: It's all over between the two of us. I can't love a man with
three hands.
# Dial M for Murder (1954)
Tony Wendice: People don't commit murder on credit.
Tony Wendice: Do you really believe in the perfect murder?
# Die Hard 2
[Just before John McClane recognizes Vito Lorenzo, the officer towing away
his car earlier]
John McClane: Excuse me officers. This may sound like a wild goose-chase,
but I think I just saw...
Vito Lorenzo: Saw what???
John McClane: Elvis. Elvis Presley...
John McClane: Oh man, I can't fucking believe this. Another basement,
another elevator. How can the same thing happen to the same guy twice???
Grant: You are the wrong person at the wrong place at the wrong time!
John McClane: Story of my life.
John McClane: I guess I was wrong about you. You're not such an asshole
after all.
Grant: Oh, you were right about me. I'm just your kind of asshole.
Grant: Too bad, McClane. I kind of liked you.
John McClane: I got enough friends!
John McClane: Yippie-ki-yeah, motherfucker!
Holly McClane: They told me there were terrorists at the airport.
John McClane: Yeah, I heard that too.
# Dirty Harry
[After a frantic gunfight, Harry has his gun trained on a crook who's lying
on the ground, trying to decide whether to try and grab his shotgun]
Harry: I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Did he fire six
shots or only five?". Well, considering this is a .44 Magnum, the most
powerful handgun known to man and can blow your head clean off, you have
to ask yourself a question: "Do I feel lucky?". Well do you? Punk?
# Doctor and the Devils, The
Doctor Thomas Rock: I set myself up as a God over death.
# Doctor Dolittle
Ploynesia the Parrot: I speak over two thousand languages, including Dodo
and Unicorn.
# Dracula (1979)
Count Dracula: Listen to them -- children of the night. What music they
make!
# Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story
Linda Emery: A philosophy major? Now, what can you do with a philosophy
major?
Bruce Lee: You can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.
[Bruce Lee in a wheelchair]
Vivian Emery: How are you feeling, Mr. Lee?
Bruce Lee: Oh, like half man, half car.
# Duellists, The
Armand D'Hubert: I am going to be killed responsibly, on horseback, as a
compliment to the cavalry.
Armand D'Hubert: General Feraud has made occasional attempts to kill me.
That does not give him the right to claim my acquaintance.
Armand D'Hubert: We came here to kill each other. Any ground is suitable
for that.
# Easy Rider
George Hanson: I mean it is real hard to be free when you are bought and
sold in the market place.
# Empire Strikes Back, The
Han Solo: Afraid I was gonna leave without giving you a good bye kiss?
Princess Leia Organa: I'd just as soon kiss a wookie!
Han Solo: I can arrange that! You could use a good kiss!
C-3PO: R2 says that the chances of survival are 725 to 1. Actually R2 has
been known to make mistakes - from time to time... Oh dear, oh dear...
Han Solo: I thought this smelled bad on the outside!
Yoda: Do... or do not. There is no try.
Princess Leia Organa: I love you.
Han Solo: I know.
Princess Leia Organa: I'll be back!
# Escape from New York
Bob Hauk: I'm not a fool, Plissken!
S.D. "Snake" Plissken: Call me Snake.
President: God save me.
Bob Hauk: Remember, once you're inside you're on your own.
S.D. "Snake" Plissken: Oh, you mean I can't count on you? Good!
Girl in "Chock Full O'Nuts": You're a cop!
S.D. "Snake" Plissken: I'm an asshole...
The Duke: They sent in their best man, and when we roam out the 69th street
bridge tomorrow, on our way to freedom, we're going to have their best man
leading the way --- from the neck up!
Brain: They're savages, Mr. President.
Bob Hauk: We'd make one hell of a team, Snake!
S.D. "Snake" Plissken: The name's Plissken!
[Last line]
The President: Good evening. Although I shall not be
present at this historic summit meeting, I present this in the hope that
our great nations may learn to live in peace...
# Evil Dead II
[Upon gaining the chain saw in place of his lost right hand]
Ash: Groovy.
# Evil Dead, The
[Sharyn has been hacked into several pieces]
Ash: We can't bury Sharyn. She's our friend.
# Fearless
Laura Klein: Why didn't you call and say you were alive?
Max Klein: I thought I was dead.
Carla Rodrigo: So what are you saying? That there's no God, but there's
you?
# Fearless Vampire Killers or: Pardon Me, But Your Teeth Are in My Neck, The
[A young woman tries to fend off Shagail, a Jewish Vampire, with a cross]
Shagail: Boy have you got the wrong vampire.
# Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller: I did have a test today. That wasn't bullshit. It's on
European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European,
I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialist?
They could be fascist anarchists - that still wouldn't change the fact
that I don't own a car. Not that I condone fascism, or any ism for that
matter. Isms in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in
an ism - he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't
believe in Beatles - I just believe in me". A good point there. Of
course, he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus - I'd still have to bum
rides off of people.
Ferris Bueller: The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands.
It's a good non-specific symptom. A lot of people'll tell you that a
phony fever is a dead lock, but that can land you in a doctor's office,
and that's worse than school. What you do is, you fake a stomach cramp,
and when you're bent over moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's
a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.
Ferris Bueller: Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck
a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you would have a diamond.
# Final Analysis
[Isaac Barr and Alan Lowenthal are talking about Heather Evans before Alan
Lowenthal has met her]
Alan Lowenthal: I suppose now you're gonna tell me you have feelings for
this woman?
Isaac Barr: To tell you the truth I can't I can't stop thinking about
her...
Alan Lowenthal: Isaac, you know as well as I do that romantic love is a
projection. You're not seeing this woman
Isaac Barr: Hehe, get out of here...
Alan Lowenthal: It's a vision.. You're in a delusional state.
Isaac Barr: It's not deliusional.
Alan Lowenthal: Yes it is. It's delusional. There is no human being, no
woman that's so beautiful - so special - that all of your normal thought
patterns
[Heather Evans enters the room]
Alan Lowenthal: Eh, can I help you?
Heather Evans: Do you come out here a lot?
Isaac Barr: No, just in moments of existential anxiety and when I want to
impress a date.
Isaac Barr: He thought I was from the justice department. Is the dress
that bad?
# Flatliners
[First line (first used in _Little Big Man_ (qv))]
Nelson: Today is a good day to die...
Joe Hurley: I don't know. Not thinking about the past or the future. I
don't know it's difficult to explain, maybe impossible.
David Labraccio: Yeah, dying is quite that way.
["Hoka-hey" is an suix-indian war cry, meaning "Today is a good day to
die"]
David Labraccio: Hoka-hey
[Last Line]
Nelson: It wasn't such a good day to die...
# Fletch
Fletch: Did you steal this car?
Teenager: I sure did!
Fletch: Well, I'm not sure that's even a crime anymore, there've been a lot
of changes in the law.
Fletch: You know, if you shoot me, you're liable to loose a lot of those
humanitarian awards.
Fletch: ...and who would have known that the Vice President knew I was
opening the door, but the Secret Service, they just *whack* [mimes door
hitting him in the face], blood...
Alan Stanwyck: You do own rubber gloves?
Fletch: I rent 'em. I have a lease with an option to buy.
Fletch: For another grand, I'll let you take me out to dinner.
Pathologist: Ever seen a liver like that?
Fletch: No, not since breakfast.
Fletch to Barbara Stanwyck: Can I borrow your towel, my car just hit a
water buffalo.
Fletch: This doesn't involve me dressing up as Little-Bo-Peep, does it?
Fletch: I would have been here sooner, but a manuer-spreadder jacknifed on
the Santa Anna. You should see my shoes.
[Fletch is being interrogated by Chief Karlin and is giving him attitude]
Chief Karlin: What's your name?
Fletch: Fletch.
Chief Karlin: What's your full name?
Fletch: Fletch F. Fletch.
Chief Karlin: What do you do for a living, Mr. Fletch?
Fletch: I'm a shephard.
Chief Karlin: Why are you doing this, Mr. Fletch?
Fletch: I like men. I like to be manhandled. I like you.
[Fletch is being framed for drug posession by two very large cops]
Fletch: Aren't you gonna read me my rights?
Cop: You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to have your
face kicked in by me. You have the right to have your balls stomped on by
him.
Fletch: I think I'll waive my rights.
# Fly, The (1986)
[This is the originator of this quote]
Veronica "Ronnie" Quaife: Be afraid. Be very afraid.
# Foreign Correspondent
Johnny Jones: I'm in love with a girl, and I'm going to help hang her
father.
# Frenzy (1972)
[Last line]
Inspector Oxford: Mr. Rusk, you're not wearing your tie.
# Freshman, The (1990)
Carmine Sabatini: Everything I say, by definition, is a promise.
# Fugitive, The (1993)
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: What are you doing?
Newman: I'm thinking.
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: Well, think me up a cup of coffee and a
chocolate doughnut with some little sprinkles on top, will you?
Cosmo Renfro: When I die, I'm gonna come back just like you.
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: Oh, you mean happy and handsome?
Female Cop: Care to revise your statement, sir?
Prison Guard: What?
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: Do you want to change your bullshit story,
sir?
[Last line]
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard: Don't tell anybody, ok?
# Get Carter
Jack Carter: You know, I'd almost forgotten what your eyes looked like.
Still the same. Pissholes in the snow.
# Getaway, The (1994)
Doc McCoy: What happened to Hansen?
Rudy Travis: He didn't make in... And neither did you!
# Ghost Story (1981)
[Repeated line, including last]
Eva/Alma: I will take you places you've never been. I will show you things
that you have never seen and I will see the life run out of you.
# Ghostbusters
Doctor Peter Venkman: Back off man. I'm a scientist.
Doctor Peter Venkman: This chick is *toast*.
Doctor Peter Venkmann: Egon, this reminds me of that time you tried to
drill a hole in your head.
Doctor Egon Spengler: That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.
Doctor Raymond Stantz: Well, this is great. If the ionization-rate is
constant for all ectoplasmic entities, we can really bust some heads...
in a spiritual sense of course.
Dean Yeager: This university will no longer continue any funding of any
kind for your group's activities.
Doctor Peter Venkman: But the kids love us!
Dana Barrett: That's the bedroom, but nothing ever happened in there.
Doctor Peter Venkman: What a crime.
[Doctor Peter Venkman is opening the refrigerator door to look for ghosts]
Doctor Peter Venkman: Oh my God! Look at all the junk food.
Doctor Peter Venkman: He slimed me!
Janine Melnitz: Do you believe in UFOs, astralprojections, mental
telepathy, ESP, clairvoiance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement,
full transmedium, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?
Winston Zeddmore: Ah, if there is a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe
anything you tell me.
[The Gate Keeper, possessing Dana Barrett's body]
The Gate Keeper: Do you want this body?
Doctor Peter Venkman: Is this a trick question?
Winston Zeddmore: Do you believe in God?
Doctor Raymond Stantz: Never met him.
Winston Zeddmore: Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!
# Gleaming the Cube
Brian Kelly: I guess we all do unexpected things sometimes, don't we?
Brian Kelly: Can I ask you something personal?
Tina Trac: Sure...
Brian Kelly: Where's the bathroom?
# Goldfinger
[A laser beam is slowly approaching a certain part of James Bond's body]
James Bond: Do you expect me to talk?
Goldfinger: No Mr Bond! I expect you to die!
# Grand Canyon (1991)
Davis: We're talking about a religious experience here. I might say 'doth'
or 'thou' or a lot of things.
Davis: All of life's riddles are answered in the movies.
# Groundhog Day
Rita: Would you like to come to dinner with Larry and me?
Phil Connors: No thank you. I've seen Larry eat.
Phil Connnors: So, did you sleep OK without me? You tossed and turned,
didn't you?
Rita: You're incredible.
Phil Connors: Who told you?
Phil Connors: Can I be serious with you with you for a minute?
Rita: I don't know. Can you?
[It's Phil Connors' second Groundhog Day in a row, but the rest of the
people seems to have completely forgotten yesterday]
Phil Connors: Well, it's groundhog day... again.
Phil Connors: Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one toay!
Phil Connors: Can I talk to you about a matter that is not work-related?
Rita: You never talk about work.
Phil Connors: What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every
day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?
Ralph: That sums it up for me.
[Phil Connors drives (because Ralph and Gus are drunk) right through a
mailbox]
Gus: Hey Phil, if we wanted to hit mailboxes we could let Ralph drive.
Phil Connors: It's the same things your whole life. "Clean up your room!",
"Stand up straight!", "Pick up your feet!", "Take it like a man!", "Be
nice to your sister!", "Don't mix beer and wine, ever!". Oh yeah? "Don't
drive on the railroad track!"
Gus: Eh, Phil. That's one I happen to agree with.
[Phil Connors is stopped by the police after some crazy driving]
Phil Connors: Yeah, 3 cheeseburgers, 2 large fries, 2 chocolate shakes and
a one large coke.
Rita: Have you ever had deja-vu?
Phil Connors: Didn't you just ask me that?
Rita: What did you do today?
Phil connors: All same-o same-o.
Felix's Wife: Dr. Connors. I want to thank you for fixing Felix's back.
He can even help around the house again.
Phil Connors: I'm sorry to hear that, Felix.
# Guess Who's Coming to Dinner
[Last line and Spencer Tracy's last movie line]
Matt Drayton: Well Tilly, when the hell are we going to get some dinner?
# Hard to Kill
Mason Storm: This is for my wife. Fuck you and die!
# Hard Way, The (1991)
Nick Lang: Ever killed anybody?
John Moss: Counting today?
Nick Lang: C'mon John. Look, my character kills this guy. It's probably
an innocent by-stander. I just want to know what that's like.
John Moss: You can't. Not by asking someone.
Nick Lang: Will you open up? I just want to know what it feels like to be
inside your skin.
John Moss: I DON'T WANT YOU INSIDE MY SKIN, YOU UNDERSTAND? It's private!
What's in there belongs to me! You're not gonna learn what it meas to be
a cop by eating hot dogs and picking your teeth and asking stupid
questions. We live this job. It's something we are, not something we do!
Every time a cop walks up to a car and has to give a speeding ticket, he
know he may have to kill someone or be killed himself. That's not
something you step into by strapping on a rubber gun and riding around all
day. You get to go back to your million dollar beach house and your
bimbos and your blow jobs and you get 17 takes to get it right. We get
one take. It lasts our whole lives. We mess it up and we're dead.
[Picking up a tape recorder]
Nick Lang: Fuck was that great! John. Look. Can you just say that one
more time for me, please? John.
[After being shot in the chest]
Nick Lang: Oh man, this is too real....
# Heathers
Heather Chandler: They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshipped
at Westerburg and I'm only a junior.
Veronica Sawyer: This may seem like a really stupid question...
Jason Dean: There *are* no stupid questions.
Veronica Sawyer: You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on
the earth and say they will blow it up in 2 days. What do you do?
Jason Dean: That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.
Courtney: If I got that money, I'd give it all to the homeless. Every
cent.
Veronica Sawyer: You're beautiful.
Jason Dean: The extreme always seems to make an impression.
Veronica Sawyer: I say we just grow up, be adults and die.
Veronica Sawyer: All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be
experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.
Veronica's Dad: I don't patronize bunny rabbits!
Jason Dean: Seven schools in seven states and the only thing different is
my locker combination.
Veronica Sawyer: If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a
human being you'd be gameshow host.
Veronica Sawyer: Heather, why are you such a mega-bitch?
Heather Duke: Because I can be.
Jason Dean: Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf?
Veronica Sawyer: I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather
Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide.
Jason Dean: Ah, now you're talking. I can be up for that. I've already
started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you
know what I mean?
Jason Dean: The only place different social types can genuinely get along
with each other is in heaven.
Veronica Sawyer: Heather, my dear, there's a new sheriff in town.
# Hellbound
[Calvin Jackson is examining a body]
Calvin Jackson: Oh shit! His heart's gone!
[Frank Shatter reassuringly, pointing to a corner of the room]
Frank Shatter: No it isn't. It's right there...
# Hero (1992)
Bernie LaPlante: You gotta look out for Goddamn number-one,
pardon-the-vulgarity.
# Highlander
[Just before the McLeod clan goes to war]
Kate: Angus, you'll keep him in one piece, ya hear?
Dugal MacLeod: And we all know what piece that is!
Ramirez: Why does the sun come up, or are the stars just pinholes in the
curtain of night?
Ramirez: If your head comes away from your neck, it's over!
Candy: Hi, I'm Candy.
Kurgan: Of course you are...
Kurgan: Forgive me father, I am a worm...
Kurgan: It's better to burn out, than to fade away!
Kurgan: So now it ends...
[Repeated line by Ramirez, The Kurgan and Connor MacLeod]
Connor MacLeod: There can only be one!
[Looking at the body lying next to its head]
Garfield: What do you think the cause of death was, Lieutenant?
Connor MacLeod: You only have one life! Value it!
# His Girl Friday
Walter Burns: I don't think it's right to break up a home just like that.
Hildy Johnson: What home?
Walter Burns: "What home"??? Don't you remember the home I promised you?
# Hitcher, The
[John Ryder is being interrogated by the police]
Interrogation Sergeant: What's your name? Come on. What's your name? Do
you have a name? Do you have a police record? Where are you from?
John Ryder: Disneyland.
# Holiday (1938)
Johnny Case: When I find myself in a position like this, I ask myself what
would General Motors do? ...and then I do the opposite!
# Hook (1991)
Peter Banning: I'm not a pirate! It so happens that I am a lawyer.
# How to Marry a Millionaire
[Referring to older men marrying young women]
Lauren Bacall: Look at Roosevelt, look at Churchill, look at old fella
what's his name in The African Queen.
# Hunt for Red October, The
Marko Ramius: Ryan, be careful what you shoot at. Most things in here
don't react too well to bullets.
Jack Ryan: I'm not an agent, I just write books for the CIA.
# I'm No Angel
(Mae West): It's not the men in your life, it's the life in your men that
counts.
# In the Line of Fire
Lilly Raines: What makes you think he'll call back?
Frank Horrigan: Oh, he'll call back. He's got "panache".
Lilly Raines: Panache?
Frank Horrigan: Yeah, it means flamboyance.
Lilly Raines: I know what it means.
Frank Horrigan: Really? I had to look it up...
Mitch Leary: Watching the president, I couldn't help wondering why a man
like you would risk his life to save a man like that. You have such a
strange job. I can't decide if it's heroic or absurd.
Frank Horrigan: Now, why would a man like you risk his life to kill a man
like that?
Sam Campagna: Frank, the president sent his limo for you.
Lilly Raines: Well, that's the least he could do.
Frank Horrigan: Good, I love public transportation.
# Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Indiana Jones: I'm like a bad penny, I always turn up.
[Indiana Jones is asking Henry how he could've slept with Elsa]
Henry: I'm as virile as the next man.
Indiana Jones: Dad, I was the next man!
[Henry, Indiana Jones, and Sallah are discussing why Henry calls Indy
'Junior']
Indiana Jones: I like 'Indiana'.
Henry: We named the *dog* 'Indiana'.
# Into the Night
Ed Okin: Are we under arrest or what?
FBI Agent: I think you fall into the 'or what' category.
# It's a Wonderful Life
George Bailey: You call this a happy family? Why do we have to have all
these kids?
# Jaws
Hooper: This was no boat accident!
Brody: It's only an island if you look at it from the water.
Hooper: Mr. Vaughan, what we are dealing with here is a perfect engine,
er... an eating machine. It's really a miracle of evolution. All this
machine does is swim and eat and make little sharks and that's all.
# Johnny Dangerously
[Vermin is showing off a .357 Magnum to Johnny Dangerously]
Vermin: See this gun, Johnny? It shoots through schools.
# Jurassic Park
Lex: It's a UNIX system! I know this!!!
Ian Malcolm: God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates
man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs...
Dr. Ellie Sattler: Dinosaurs destroys man. Women rule the earth...
Ian Malcolm: Oh no. We're in the hands of engineers!
[After being chased by the T-Rex]
Ian Malcolm: You think they'll have that on the tour?
Ian Malcolm: Yes, John. But when the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down,
the pirates don't eat the tourists.
# Just One of the Guys
Terry: You know, sometimes I just wish I was a guy.
Buddy: No you don't! The male body needs sex at all times! It's a living
hell!
[Buddy is trying to show Terry how to act like a guy by getting her to
scratch her "balls". She's not doing too good a job at it]
Terry: Look, maybe my balls don't itch.
Buddy: All balls itch! It's a fact!
Terry: I'm just so confused.
Buddy: Of course you're confused. You're wearing my underwear.
# Kelly's Heroes
[Oddball sees that the bridge he wants to cross is intact and is pleased
with himself]
Oddball: Still up !
[A plane flies over the bridge and bombs it.. direct hit]
Oddball: No it ain't.
Oddball: Arf arf arf... That's my other dog impression.
[The heroes have found the bank with the gold, but there is still one lone
German Tiger Tank to be reckoned with. Supply Sargent Crapgame (a
notorious hussler) makes the following suggestion to Infantry Sargent Big
Joe concerning the commander of the Tiger Tank]
Crapgame: Try making a DEAL!
Big Joe: What kind of DEAL?
Crapgame: A DEAL, deal! Maybe he's a Republican. You know, "Business is
Business".
# Klondike Annie
(Mae West): Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I never
tried.
# Kuffs
George Kuffs: I got women to do, places to see!
[At the Police Academy]
George Kuffs: Why are we doing so much running? Aren't we all going to be
in cars?
George Kuffs: I'm looking for a really big gun which holds a lot of
bullets.
Gun Salesman: God bless you, young man.
George Kuffs: I always wanted a gun...
Gun Salesman: Is this what you had in mind? It's a 9mm beretta. 15 in the
clip, 1 in the pipe.
George Kuffs: Got one that holds more?
Gun Salesman: No.
George Kuffs: I'll take two.
Ted Bukovsky: Next time shit before you sign in. Shit! Sign in! In the
car!
George Kuffs: Am I gonna be tested on this later?
Ted Bukovsky: Now, if I'm gonna be killed on the job, it's gonna be by a
fucking bullet, not a fucking bus. Now turn this fucking car around and
let's get back on your fucking patrol.
George Kuffs: You may have a limited vocabulary, Ted.
Ted Bukovsky: Fuck you!
George Kuffs: What can they possibly see in a man who dresses that
badly???
# L.A. Story
Road Sign: There are more things in heaven and earth, Harris, than are
dreamt of in your philosophy.
[Repeated line]
Sara McDowel: Let your mind go and your body will follow.
Harris K. Telemacher: Ordinarily, I don't like to be around interesting
people because it means I have to be interesting too.
Sara McDowel: Are you saying I'm interesting?
Harris K. Telemacher: All I'm saying is that, when I'm around you, I find
myself showing off, which is the idiot's version of being interesting.
Bob: Hi. My name is Bob. I'll be your robber.
Harris K. Telemacher: Hi, how are you?
[Hands him the money]
Bob: Thank you very much.
# Lady Vanishes, The (1938)
Iris Henderson: I've no regrets. I've been everywhere and done everything.
I've eaten caviar at Cannes, sausage rolls at the dogs. I've played
baccarat at Biarritz and darts with the rural dean. What is there left
for me but marriage?
# Last Action Hero
Jack Slater: My daughter's not normal. For the prom, she stayed home and
field stripped an AK-47.
Jack Slater: To be or not to be? Not to be!
Jack Slater: Could I speak to the drugdealer of the house, please?
Jack Slater: I'll be back! Ha! You didn't know I was gonna say that, did
you?
Danny Madigan: That's what you always say!
Jack Slater: I do?
# Last Boy Scout, The
[Billy Cole's last line]
Billy Cole: Ain't life a bitch?
[Joe Hallenbeck wakes up in his car and stares at his grubby reflection in
the mirror]
Joe Hallenbeck: Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You're gonna lose.
Smile, you fuck.
Jimmy Dix: Hi, you're nobody!
Joe Hallenbeck: Shhh, don't tell anyone.
Joe Hallenbeck: This ain't no game, Flash! Real guns. Real bullets. It's
dangerous.
Jimmy Dix: "Dangerous" is my middle name.
Joe Hallenbeck: Mine is "Cornelius".
Milo: You think you are so fucking cool, don't you? You think you are so
fucking cool. But just once, I would like to hear you scream in pain...
Joe Hallenbeck: Play some rap-music.
# Last of the Mohicans, The (1992)
Nathaniel Poe: In case your aim is better than your judgment.
# Leap of Faith (1992)
Jonah Nightengale: A twelve-gauge, double-barrelled, grenade-launcher of
LOVE!
# Lethal Weapon
Man at the office: You know, Roger, you are way behind the times. The guys
of the 80s aren't though. They are sensitive people. Show a little
emotion to a woman and shit like that. I think I'm an 80's...
Roger Murtaugh: How do you figure?
Man at the office: Last night I cried in bed. So how is that?
Roger Murtaugh: Were you with a woman?
Man at the office: I was alone. Why do you think I cried?
Roger Murtaugh: Sounds like an 80's man to me...
[Repeated line all the way]
Roger Murtaugh: I'm too old for this shit!
Roger Murtaugh: God hates me, that's what it is...
Martin Riggs: Hate him back! It works for me...
Roger Murtaugh: Have you ever met anybody you didn't kill?
Martin Riggs: I haven't killed you, have I?
Martin Riggs: Perhaps there's an opening in the L.A. Fire Department?
[When Joshua is panting on the lawn after the title-fight]
Roger Murtaugh: Get that shit off my lawn!
# Lethal Weapon 2
[After a wild car chase]
Roger Murtaugh: This was a new car, Riggs...
Martin Riggs: Well, it still is!
[After shooting 2 criminals with a nail-gun]
Roger Murtaugh: Nailed you both!
# Leviathan (1989)
Sixpack: You know, I stood next to a guy who blew up his suit once. I'll
tell you, that was not a pretty sight.
Jones: Leave DeJesus alone, man!
Sixpack: One tiny little hole in a fucking toe of his suit, man. No bigger
than your dick. Yeah, the way the ocean came in, the pressure just
crammed his whole body up into his helmet. We just buried his helmet.
That would have been you, DeJesus.
DeJesus: Hey, I know about implosions.
Sixpack: Yeah, I bet you do. I bet you were imploding in your pants.
# Lion in Winter, The
Philip II: That's what tapestries are for.
Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine: You're not an assassin.
Richard: Look again.
Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine: We could tangle spiders in the webs you weave.
King Henry II: More Brandy wine? They were boiling it in Ireland before
the snakes left!
Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine: What family doesn't have its ups and downs?
Prince Geoffrey: I know. You know I know. I know you know I know. We
know Henry knows, and Henry knows we know it. [smiles] We're a
knowledgable family.
# Little Shop of Horrors (1986)
[Orin Scrivello, the sadistic dentist]
Orin Scrivello: I thrill when I drill a bicuspid, it's swell though they
tell me I'm mal-ad-just-ed.
# Lodger, The (1926)
Joe Betts: When I've put a rope round the Avenger's neck, I'll put a ring
around Daisy's finger.
# Made in America
Hal Jackson: Funny thing, sperm...
# Malice
Jed: Bad things happen to good people all the time, Andy, for no reason
what-so-ever...
# Man Who Would Be King, The
Peachy Carnehan: Detriments you call us? Detriments? Well I want to
remind you that it was detriments like us that built this bloody Empire
AND the Izzat of the bloody Raj. Hats on!
Peachy Carnehan: Home to what? A porters uniform outside a restaurant and
six penny tips from belching civilians for closing cab doors on their
blowzy women?
Daniel Dravot: Not for us thank you. Not after watching afghans come
howling down out of the hills and taking battlefield command when all the
officers bought it.
Peachy Carnehan: Well said brother Dravot.
# Manhunter (1986)
Wil Graham: I know that I'm not smarter than you.
Dr. Hannibal Lector: Then how did you catch me?
Wil Graham: You had disadvantages.
Dr. Hannibal Lector: What disadvantages?
Wil Graham: You're insane.
# Marked for Death
[John Hatcher just killed two of the bad guys and is chatting to his
buddy.]
John Hatcher: One thought he was invisible, and the other thought he could
fly. They were both wrong.
# Midnight Cowboy
Joe Buck: I'll tell you the truth now, I ain't a f'real cowboy. But I am
one hell of a stud!
# Mirror Crack'd, The
Lola Brewster: I could eat a can of Kodak and puke a better movie.
# Mister Roberts
[Last line]
Ensign Pulver: Captain, I just threw your palm tree overboard and what's
all this crud about there being no movie tonight?
# Monolith
Tucker: I got 3 rules; 1) Shit happens, 2) Shit happens on a regular basis
and 3) You better get used to rule 1 and 2.
# Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Peasant 1: Who's that there?
Peasant 2: I don't know... Must be a king...
Peasant 1: Why?
Peasant 2: He hasn't got shit all over him.
Arthur: I am your king!
Woman: Well I didn't vote for you!
Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well how'd you become king then?
[Angelic music plays...]
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering silmite
held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine
providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your
king!
Dennis interrupting: Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin'
swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power
derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcicial aquatic
ceremony!
Dennis: Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just
because some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Dennis: Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some
moistened bink lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
Dennis: Help! Help! I'm being oppressed! Violence inherent in the
system! Violence inherent in the system!
Bedevere: ...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be bannana
shaped...
Arthur: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how
sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes...
Arthur: On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.
Inge: You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may
deal with her as you like... and then... spank me!
All: And me! And me too! And me!
Inge: Yes! Yes, you must give us all a good spanking!
Inge: And after the spanking, the oral sex!
Galahad: Well I could stay a bit longer...
Knight: We are the Knights who say... NI!
Knight 1: We are now no longer the Knights who say Ni.
Knight 2: NI!
Other Knights: Shh...
Knight 1: We are now the Knights who say... "Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG!
Zoom-Boing! Z'nourrwringmm!"
# More the Merrier, The
Benjamin Dingle: There are two kinds of people - those who don't do what
they want to do so they write down in a diary about what they haven't done
and those who are too busy to write about it 'cause they're out doing it!
# Muppet Movie, The
[Fozzie and Kermit pick up Gonzo and ask him what he wants to do with his
life]
Gonzo: I want to go to Bombay, India and become a movie star.
Fozzie: You don't go to Bombay, India to become a movie star! You go where
we're going: Hollywood.
Gonzo: Sure! If you want to do it the easy way!
# Murder!
Handel Fane: I assure you, Inspector, I'm not the other woman in this
case.
# My Blue Heaven (1990)
[pickup-line]
Vincent Antonelli: You know, it's dangerous for you to be here in the
frozen food section!
Shaldeen: Why is that?
Vincent Antonelli: Because you could melt all this stuff...
[Vincent Antonelli is questioned about the stolen goods in the trunk of the
car he stole]
Hannah Stubbs: The books...
Vincent Antonelli: You have something against books?
Hannah Stubbs: I have nothing about books! I am curious about the books in
your trunk.
Vincent Antonelli: You see, I was thinking of writing my story, so I bought
this one on how to do it.
Hannah Stubbs: Why do you need 25 copies of it?
Vincent Antonelli: In case I want to read it more than once...
Vincent Antonelli: Richie loved to use 22s because the bullets are small
and they don't come out the other end like a 45, see, a 45 will blow a
barn door out the back of your head and there's a lot of dry cleaning
involved, but a 22 will just rattle around like pac man until you're
dead.
[last line]
Vincent Antonelli: You know, sometimes I even amaze myself.
# My Favorite Year
Benjy Stone: I don't want to bring Alan Swann to your house, Ma!
Belle: Well what are you ashamed of?
Benjy Stone: Everything!
Benjy Stone: Jews know two things in this world: suffering, and where to
get really great Chinese food.
[Alan Swann is panicking because he has to go on live television]
Alan Swann: Damn you! I'm not an actor, I'm a movie star!
Alan Swann: Alfredo, telephone the Stork Club - we'll be two for dinner.
Alfi Bambacelli: Mr. Swann, are you sure you want the Stork Club? Remember
what happened last time?
Alan Swann: It's been a year and a half. Surely they've repaired the wall
and the bandstand by now.
[Benjy Stone and a very drunken Alan Swann are up on a roof as Swann
attempts to shimmy down the side of the building]
Benjy Stone: Let's *not* do this - it's too dangerous!
Alan Swann: Nonsense! It worked perfectly well in "A Slight Case of
Remorse"!
Benjy Stone: That was a movie! This is real life!
Alan Swann: What is the difference?
[King Kaiser is trying to hit on Alice Miller the writer]
King Kaiser: You look real nice today, Alice. Did you get those shoes I
sent you?
Alice Miller: Oh yeah.
King Kaiser: Why did you send them back?
Alice Miller: They were the wrong size. And they were used.
# My Own Private Idaho
Mike Waters: This is a nice home. Do you live here? ... I don't blame
you.
Mike Waters: I've been tasting roads my whole life.
Scott Favor: When you wake up, wipe the slugs off your face, Be ready for
a new day!
# Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear, The
Lt. Frank Drebin: Nice party Hapsburg... I see a lot of familiar
facelifts.
Quentin Hapsburg: You do speak French don't you?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Unfortunately no, but I do kiss that way.
[Lt. Frank Drebin is unhappy about Dr. Mainheimer]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Have you noticed anything different about him?
Jane Spencer: Well, only that he's a foot taller, and he seems to be left
handed now... Frank, what are you trying to tell me.. that Quentin has
somehow found an exact double for Dr. Mainheimer and that tomorrow that
double will give a fraudulent report to the president?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Why that's brilliant, that's a lot better than what I
came up with.
[Hector Savage is in a house surrounded by armed police... He makes his
demands]
Hector Savage: I want a car out front, something fun, a Porsche, then I
want a plane ticket to Jamaica... And I want a nice hotel, no touristy
place... Something really indicative of the people and their culture.
[Lt. Frank Drebin making a speech at the White House]
Lt. Frank Drebin: ...blowing away a fleeing suspect with my 44 magnum used
to mean everything to me, I enjoyed it, well who wouldn't?
[Lt. Frank Drebin making a speech at the White House]
Lt. Frank Drebin: I want a world where Frank junior and all the Frank
juniors can sit under a shady tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean,
and go into a 7-11 without an interpreter.
[Lt. Frank Drebin and Jane are standing next to a nuclear bomb which is
about to explode]
Jane Spencer: Frank, if you're going to be blown to bits, I want to be here
with you.
Lt. Frank Drebin: The truth hurts doesn't it Hapsburg? Oh, sure maybe not
as much as jumping on a bike with the seat missing...
[Lt. Frank Drebin and Ed Hocken are in a sex shop making inquiries]
Busty female shop assistant: Why should I tell you copper?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Because I'm the last line of defense between sleeze like
this and the decent people of this town.
[a male shop assistant appears from a storeroom.]
Assistant: Oh hi Frank, say we got that model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck
machine that you ordered.
[Talking to the female assistant]
Lt. Frank Drebin: It's a gift.
[Frank Drebin and Ed Hocken try to analyze a case]
Frank Drebin: Why would anyone do this?
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: No, thanks, not now...
# Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!, The
Frank Drebin: Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on
this force will rest one minute before until he's behind bars. Now, let's
grab a bite to eat.
Frank Drebin: Interesting... Almost as interesting as the photographs I
saw today.
Jane Spencer: I was young. I needed the work.
[Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
Frank Drebin: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! He really was
innocent!
Ed Hocken: Frank, Kelner went to the chair two years ago.
Frank Drebin: Well, uh......
[Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]
[Frank Drebin is angrily breaking up with Jane]
Frank Drebin: And I'll tell you one more thing: I faked every orgasm!
Jane Spencer: I wanted you to know, now, I've loved you since the first day
I met you, and I'll never stop. I'm a very lucky woman.
Frank Drebin: So am I...
# Narrow Margin (1990)
[Flying through Canadian mountains]
Deputy District Attorney: How come we're flying so low.
Cop: We're not low, it's the ground that's high.
# Night and the City (1992)
Harry Fabian: A toast. To all of you... to hell with you, to all of me!
# North by Northwest
Roger O. Thornhill: Now you listen to me, I'm an advertising man, not a red
herring.
Roger O. Thornhill: I didn't realize you were an art collector. I thought
you only collected corpses.
Roger O. Thornhill: The only performance that will satisfy you is when I
play dead.
Phillip Vandamm: Your very next role. You'll be quite convincing, I assure
you.
Roger O. Thornhill: Now, what can a man do for twenty minutes with his
clothes off? Couldn't we have made it an hour?
Eve Kendall: You could take a cold shower.
# Notorious (1946)
Alexander Sebastian: I'm married to an American agent.
[Last line]
Eric Mathis: Alex, will you come in, please. I wish to talk to you.
# Oliver!
Boy: Fagin, this sausage is moldy!
Fagin: Shut up and drink your gin.
# Palm Beach Story, The
"Wienie King": I'm the Weenie King! Invented the Texas Weenie! Lay off
'em, you'll live longer.
John D. Hackensacker III: That's one of the greatest tragedies of this life
-- that the men who are most in need of a beating up are always enormous.
# Paradine Case, The
Gay Keane: Well, nice people don't go murdering other nice people.
# Pat and Mike
[Last lines]
Pat Pemberton: What would happen if I ever dropped you?
Mike Conovan: I'd go right down the drain.
Pat Pemberton: and?
Mike Conovan: I'd take you right down with me shorty.
# People Under the Stairs, The
Fool: That X-ray lady's back, she's out back right now by the van... She's
got a man with her the size of Detroit.
Fool: Your father's one sick mother... Actually your mother is one sick
mother too.
Woman: Never shoot your gun outside.
Man: He got away!
# Planes, Trains & Automobiles
[Waking up after sharing the same bed on the motel]
Neal Page: Del.. Why did you kiss my ear?
Del Griffith: Why are you holding my hand?
Neal Page: Where are your other hand?
Del Griffith: Between two pillows...
Neal Page: Those AREN'T PILLOWS!!!
[Driving on the wrong side of the highway]
Neal Page: He says we're going the wrong way...
Del Griffith: Oh, he's drunk. How would he know where we're going?
Police Officer: What the hell are you driving here?
Del Griffith: We had a small fire last night, but we caught it in a nick of
time.
Police Officer: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Del Griffith: Funny enough, I was just talking to my friend about that.
Our speedometer has melted and as a result it's very hard to see with any
degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going.
# Planet of the Apes
[The first words ever spoken by a human to the apes]
George Taylor: Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!
# Point Break
[Johnny Utah and Bodhi just beat the hell out of 4 surfers]
Johnny Utah: This is stimulating, but we're out of here.
Ben Harp: Special agent Utah! This is not some job, flipping burgers at
the local drive-in! Yes! - your surfboard bothers me! Yes! - your
approach to this whole damn case bothers me! And yes! - YOU BOTHER ME!
And Pappas! Oh, for the love of Christ. How the hell did I even let you
talk me into this whole bone-headed idea to begin with.
Angelo Pappas: Harp! We are working under-cover. It takes time. We've
produced a few...
Ben Harp: NO! No no no no no no NO! Let me tell you what you've
produced... Over the last two weeks, you two have produced exactly squat!
SQUAT! During which time the ex-presidents have robbed two more banks.
Now for Christ's sake, does either one of you have anything even remotely
interesting to tell me?
Johnny Utah: I caught my first tube today... Sir.
[Angelo Pappas is aiming the gun at a surfer]
Angelo Pappas: Speak into the microphone, squid brain!
[After a long discussion about which parachute Johnny Utah should use]
Johnny Utah: You gonna jump or jerk off?
Bodhi: Life sure has a sick sense of humor, doesn't it?
# Predator
Dutch: I'll be back!
# Prick Up Your Ears
Joe Orton: I always wanted to be an orphan. I could have, if it wasn't for
my parents.
# Princess Bride, The
[The Grandson, interrupting the story in a kissing-scene]
The Grandson: Hold it, hold it! What is this? Are you trying to trick me?
Where's the sports? Is this a kissing-book???
Vizzini: A word, my lady. We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is
there a village nearby?
Buttercup: There is nothing nearby... Not for miles.
Vizzini: Then there will be no one to hear you scream!
Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us*.
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm*.
Fezzik: He's really very short on *charm*.
Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that!
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead!
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it!
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH!!
[Vizzini has just cut the rope The Dread Pirate Roberts is climbing up]
Vizzini: HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE!
Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you
think it means.
Inigo Montoya: I donna suppose you coulda speed things up??
Westley: If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or a tree branch
or find something useful to do.
Inigo Montoya: I could do that. I have some rope up here, but I do not
think you would accept my help, since I am only only waiting around to
kill you.
Westley: That does put a damper on our relationship.
Inigo Montoya: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to
have six fingers on your right hand?
Westley: Do you always begin conversations this way?
Inigo Montoya: You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you.
Westley: You seem a decent fellow, I hate to die.
Westley: You are amazing.
Inigo Montoya: Well I ought to be, after twenty years.
Inigo Montoya: You are wonderful.
Westley: I've worked hard to become so.
Inigo Montoya: Who are you?
Westley: No one of consequence.
Inigo Montoya: I must know...
Westley: Get used to disappointment.
Vizzini: Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet,
because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was
given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in
front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would
have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of
me...
Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong -- that's what's so funny! I
switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha-ha, you fool! You fell
victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is "Never
get involved in a land war in Asia", but only slightly less famous is
this: "Never go in against a Sicilian, when *death* is on the line!".
Hahahahahah!
[Vizzini falls over dead]
Buttercup: You mock my pain!
Westley: Life is pain! Anyone who says different is trying to sell you
something.
Buttercup: We'll never survive!
Westley: Nonsense! you're only saying that because noone ever has...
Prince Humperdinck: Surrender!
Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept...
Count Rugen: Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't
got anything.
Inigo Montoya: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those
years?
Miracle Max: The King's stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for
bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you
give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed!
Westley: Give us the gate key.
Yellin: I have no gate key.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, tear his arms off.
Yellin: Oh, you mean *this* gate key.
Inigo Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father.
Prepare to die.
[Repeated line, including the last]
The Grandfather: As you wish.
# Psycho
Norman Bates: I think I must have one of those faces you can't help
believing.
Norman Bates: She just goes a little mad sometimes. We all go a little mad
sometimes. Haven't you?
Norman Bates: I'm not capable of being fooled! Not even by a woman.
Norman Bates: Uh-uh, Mother-m-mother, uh, what is the phrase? She isn't
quite herself today.
Norman Bates: She might have fooled me, but she didn't fool my mother.
Norman Bates: Well, a son is a poor substitute for a lover.
Norman Bates: She's as harmless as one of those stuffed birds.
Norman Bates: A boy's best friend is his mother.
# Raiders of the Lost Ark
Jock: C'mon, show a little backbone, will ya?
Indiana Jones: It's not the years honey, it's the mileage.
[Army Intelligence officer describing Indiana Jones]
Officer: Professor of Archeology, expert on the occult, and how does one
say it? Obtainer of rare antiquities.
Indiana Jones: You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together, I've
got nothing better to do!
Rene Belloq: You and I are very much alike. Archeology is our religion,
yet we have both fallen from the pure faith. Our methods have not
differed as much as you pretend. I am but a shadowy reflection of you.
It would take only a nudge to make you like me. To push you out of the
light.
Indiana Jones: Now you're getting nasty.
Sallah: Indy, why does the floor move?
Indiana Jones: Snakes ... why did it hafta be snakes?
Sallah: Asps ... very dangerous. You go first.
Indiana Jones: This site also demonstrates one of the great dangers of
archeology, not to life and limb, although that does sometimes take place,
I'm talking about folklore.
# Rambling Rose
Rose: I am only a human being person!
Daddy: Put your damn tit back in your dress ... replace that tit!
# Raw Deal (1986)
Kaminski: You should not drink and bake!
# Re-Animator
Herbert West: Who's going to believe a talking head? Get a job in a
sideshow.
# Real Genius
Old Lady: So what's Einstein really like?
Professor Hathaway: Dead.
Chris Knight: This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too
cold. This is Kent. This is what happens to a man when he gets too
sexually frustrated.
[Mitch Taylor speaking through the microphone so that Kent hears voices in
his head]
Mitch Taylor: And from now on, stop playing with yourself!
Kent: It is God!
Mitch Taylor: The weirdest thing just happened to me.
Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you were standing in sort of sun-god
robes on top of a pyramid, and there were hundreds of naked women
screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch Taylor: No...
Chris Knight: Why, am I the only one who has that dream?
Chris Knight: If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do what
you want... Well, that's where you're right. But -- and I am only saying
that because I care -- there's a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market
that taste just like the real thing.
Chris Knight: Would you be prepared if gravity reversed itself?
Professor Hathaway: What are you looking at? You're laborers; you should
be laboring. That's what you get for not having an education.
Professor Hathaway: Mitch, will you miss your friends?
Mitch Taylor: Uh, no sir, I think I intimidated most of them.
[Chris Knight is trying to hit on Cynthia, a beautiful woman he finds in
Professor Hathaway's house]
Chris Knight: So, if there's anything I can do for you, or, more to the
point, to you, you just let me know.
Cynthia: Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?
Chris Knight: Not right now.
Cynthia: A girl's gotta have her standards.
[She walks out]
Kent: You're all a bunch of degenerates!
Chris Knight: Oh, really? Well, what about that time I found you naked
with that bowl of jello?
Kent: You did not!
Chris Knight: This is true.
Kent: Yeah, well I was hot and I was hungry!
Mitch Taylor: Did you know there's a guy living in our closet?
Chris Knight: You've seen him too?
Mitch Taylor: Who is he?
Chris Knight: Holliefeld.
Mitch Taylor: Why does he keep going into our closet?
Chris Knight: Why do you keep going into our closet?
Mitch Taylor: To get my clothes - but that's not why he goes in there!
Chris Knight: Of course not! He's twice your size - your clothes would
never fit him! Think before you ask these questions, Mitch! Geez, higher
placement scores than me and he thinks a big guy like that can wear his
clothes!
Chris Knight: I was thinking of the words of the immortal Socrates, who
said, "I drank what?"
# Real McCoy, The
[J.T. Barker comes out of the bank and is questioned what he was doing in
there. He said he was closing up his account]
Bad Guy: What the hell are you gonna do with a 152 dollars? We're taking
18 God damn million dollars out of here on thursday!
J.T. Barker: I know that. I just dont wanna split *my* 152 dollars 4
ways...
[Karen McCoy tries to fire the gun in a gunfight]
Karen McCoy: You didn't load the gun?
J.T. Barker: You told me to buy it, not to load it.
J.T. Barker: Do you think that jerk Roy do a better job raising your boy
than you?
Karen McCoy: At least Roy is his father. At least he has a chance of a
normal life with him...
J.T. Barker: Normal??? What's not normal about getting on an airplane with
your mam and go down to Rio with 3 million bucks?
J.T. Barker: How many of these creeps have you got in your life?
# Reality Bites
Lelaina Pierce: So, uh, what religion are you?
Michael Grates: I'm kind of a non-practicing Jew.
Lelaina Pierce: That's okay. I'm a non-practicing virgin.
Vickie Miner: And I think about dying of AIDS all the time. I even dream
about it. Only in my dreams, I'm not me: I'm a character on "Melrose
Place". I'm the HIV/AIDS character. I move into the building and teach
everyone that it's okay to be close to me. And then I die, and everyone
shows up at my funeral, and they're all wearing halter tops and chokers.
[Vickie Miner starts to cry]
Lelaina Pierce: Vicki, you do not have AIDS and you are *not* alone.
Besides... "Melrose Place" is a really good show!
# Rear Window
Stella: A murderer would never parade his crime in front of an open
window.
# Rebecca
Maxim De Winter: I knew where Rebecca's body was, lying on that cabin floor
at the bottom of the sea.
Mrs. de Winter: How did you know, Max?
Maxim De Winter: Because I put it there.
# Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins...
Chiun: Watches are a confidence trick; invented by the Swiss.
# Repo Man
Bud: A repo man spends his life getting into tense situations.
Miller: The life of a repo man is always intense.
# Reservoir Dogs
[Mr. White and Mr. Pink are washing up after the robbery went sour, trying
to figure out what happened]
Mr. Pink: You kill anybody?
Mr. White: A couplea cops.
Mr. Pink: No real people?
Mr. White: No. Just cops.
# Return of the Jedi
Han Solo: I think my eyes are getting better. Instead of a big dark blur
it's a big light blur.
Luke Skywalker: There's nothing to see. I used to live here you know.
Han Solo: You gonna die here you know. Convenient!
C3PO: I do believe they think I am some kind of god.
Han Solo: Well, why don't you use your divine influence and get us out of
this?
C3PO: I beg your pardon general Solo, but that just wouldn't be proper.
Han Solo: Proper???
C3PO: It's against my programming to impersonate a deity.
# Ride the High Country
Steve Judd: All I want is to enter my house justified.
# Rising Sun
Web Smith: Where are you from, sempai? Scotland Yard?
John Connor: Scotland Backyard.
# Robin and Marian
[Robin Hood comes back from the Crusades]
Maid Marian: You never wrote.
Robin Hood: I don't know how.
# Rope
Brandon: The good Americans usually die young on the battlefield, don't
they? Well, the Davids of the world merely occupy space, which is why he
was the perfect victim for the perfect crime.
Brandon: We killed for the sake of danger and for the sake of killing.
Brandon: Nobody commits murder just for the experience of committing it.
Nobody except us.
# Roxanne
[Roxanne Kowalski is walking behind a hedge because she is nude]
Roxanne Kowalski: Nobody had a coat?
C.D. Bayles: You said you didn't want a coat...
Roxanne Kowalski: Why would I not want a coat?
C.D. Bayles: You said you didn't want a coat...
Roxanne Kowalski: I was being ironic.
C.D. Bayles: Oh, ironi... Oh no no, we don't get that here. See, people
are skiing topless while smoking dope, so ironi is not really a high
priority... We haven't had any ironi here since about 83 when I was the
only practicioner of it. Was nice, but I was tired of being stared at.
C.D. Bayles: Well, every job has its perfect tool... Eh, this lock doesn't
accept Master Card.
C.D. Bayles: Fashionable: You know you could de-emphasize your nose if you
wore something larger... like Wyoming!
C.D. Bayles: Polite: Would you mind not bobbing your head; the orchestra
keeps changing the tempo.
Dixie: Want anything? A drink?
C.D. Bayles: Yeah, but if I ask for another one, give it to me.
# Running Man, The (1987)
Ben Richards: I'm not into politics. I'm into survival.
[Damon Killian is talking to the operator on the telephone]
Damon Killian: Hello, this is Killian. Give me the Justice Department,
Entertainment Division.
Ben Richards: Now I'm gonna untie you, and then you're gonna get dressed,
and then yo [Au're gonna come with me.
Amber: Oh yeah? But why should I?
Ben Richards: Because I'm gonna say "please"...
[Arnold tears up the bench Amber is tied to from the floor it was bolted
to]
Amber: Well, why didn't you say so?
Ben Richards: Killian! I'll be back!
Damon Killian: Only in a rerun.
Damon Killian: You bastard! Drop dead!
Ben Richards: I don't do requests.
# Scent of a Woman (1992)
Colonel Roy Slade: Don't shrug you imbecile, I'm blind! Save the body
language for the bimbae.
# School for Scoundrels
[last line. Mr S. Potter to the camera]
Mr S. Potter: I do apologize ladies and gentlemen, events do seem to have
taken a most unfortunate turn. This sort of calamity we cannot always
guard against, even amongst our best students. You see once, once
sincerity rears its ugly head, well lifemanship is powerless... [an
orchestra starts to play] stop that music... orchestra!... orchestra...
stop that infernal din. Please, no, I... look at me, I must get back to
Yeovil.
# Shadow of a Doubt (1993)
Charlie Oakley: The whole world is a joke to me.
# Silence of the Lambs, The
Dr. Hannibal Lecter: A census taker once tried to test me... I ate his
liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
Dr. Hannibal Lecter: I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old
friend for dinner.
# Sleeper
[A 22nd century historian is showing Miles some artifacts from the late
twentieth century to get more info on them. The last item is a videotape
of Howard Cosell describing a boxing match]
Historian: We weren't sure at first what to make of this, but we developed
a theory: when people committed great crimes against the state, they were
forced to watch this.
Miles Monroe: Yes. That's exactly what it was.
# So I Married an Axe Murderer
Charlie Mackenzie: I think I'm dating Mrs. X!
Harriet Michaels: What do you look for in a girl on your date?
Charlie Mackenzie: I know everyone always say a sense of humour, but I
really have to go with breast size...
# Some Girls
[After the telephone interrupts Michael and Gabriella's foreplay, Michael
starts talking to his penis]
Michael: I don't believe this. Do you believe this?
# Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama
Spider: It's too bad we had to kill her. I really liked the outfit she had
on.
# Spaceballs
Dark Helmet: I hope it's a long ceremony, 'cause it's gonna be a short
honeymoon.
Barf: I know we need the money, but...
Lone Star: Listen! We're not just doing this for money... We're doing it
for a SHIT LOAD of money!
Barf: Oh, you're right. And when you're right, you're right. And you -
you're always right.
Dark Helmet: What's the matter, Col. Sandurz? CHICKEN???
[Colonel Sandurz, Dark Helmet and the Video Operator are watching
_Spaceballs_ (qv), the movie]
Colonel Sandurz: That's too early. Prepare to fast-forward!
Video Operator: Preparing to fast-forward!
Colonel Sandurz: Fast-forward!
Video Operator: Fast-forwarding, Sir!
Lone Star: What the hell was that noise?
Dot Matrix: That was my virgin-alarm. It's programmed to go off before you
do!
President Skroob: Why didn't anyone tell me my ass was so big???
[After the self-destruction mechanism has been activated]
President Skroob: Sandurz, Sandurz. You got to help me. I don't know what
to do. I can't make decisions. I'm a president!
[When Lone Star and Barf stops on the outer space gas-station]
Waitress: Ready to order?
Lady: Yeah, we'll both have the lunafish.
[See _Alien (1979)_ (qv)]
Kane: Oh no. Not again!
Yogurt: And may the schwartz be with you!
# Spellbound
Dr. Alex Brulov: Women make the best psychoanalysts until they fall in
love. After that they make the best patients.
# Spies Like Us
[Emmett Fritz-Hume and Austin Millbarge are surrounded by Ninja warriors]
Austin Millbarge: Show some balls, man!
Emmett Fritz-Hume: I think it's too late to try and impress them.
# Splitting Heirs
Tommy Patel: You don't have to worry about me, dear. I'm "bi"-sexual.
Whenever I want to have sex, I have to buy it.
Brittle: Congratulations, Sir.
Henry Martin: Eh, you can kiss ass later, Brittle.
Brittle: Thank you, Sir.
Butler: Drunk again, sir?
Henry Martin: That's okay, butler. So are we.
Adoption Agent: She insisted that you were adopted by a member of the
working class to save you from the curse of money.
Tommy Patel: How very thoughtful...
Duchess Lucinda: "Stop"? You can't just arouse a woman and then yell
"stop", even if you are English...
Police Officer: We believe foul play was involved.
Tommy Patel: Surely you don't think I...
Police Officer: I don't think anything, sir. I'm a police officer.
[After the moose-head falls down from the wall over Henry Martin]
Henry Martin: Get me out of this moose!
Shadgrind: So many of you orphans. Unwanted children all over the place.
People were sex-mad in the 60s, seemed to do it just for fun... Weird.
Kitty: That's Henry's mother, the black sheep in the family. She took so
many strokes in the 60s they called her the U.S. open.
# Stage Fright (1950)
Charlotte Inwood: He was an abominable man. Why do women marry abominable
men?
# Stand by Me
Vern Tessio: One food for the rest of my life? That's easy. Cherry pez.
Cherry-flavored pez. There's no doubt about it.
Vern Tessio: Mighty Mouse versus Superman? That's a tough one.
# Star Wars
Han Solo: Over my dead body!
Greedo: That's the idea. I've been looking forward to this for a long
time.
Han Solo: Yes, I BET you have. *Zap*
[R2D2 and Chewbacca are playing the holographic game on Millennium Falcon]
Chewbacca: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgh
C3PO: He made a fair move. Screaming about it can't help it.
Han Solo: I don't get it. It's not wise to upset a wookie.
C3PO: But Sir, nobody worries about upsetting a droid.
Han Solo: That's because droids don't pull peoples arms out of their
sockets if they lose. Wookies are known to do that.
C3PO: I see your point, Sir. I suggest a new strategy, R2... Let the
wookie win.
Han Solo: Not a bad bit of rescue. You know, sometimes I amaze even
myself.
Princess Leia Organa: That doesn't seem too hard.
Ben (Obi-Wan) Kenobi: May the force be with you!
# Strangers on a Train
[First Line]
Bruno Anthony: I beg your pardon, but aren't you Guy Haines?
Bruno Anthony: Don't worry, I'm not going to shoot you, Mr. Haines. It
might disturb mother.
Bruno Anthony: I have a theory that you should do everything before you
die.
Guy Haines: I may be old-fashioned, but I thought murder was against the
law.
Bruno Anthony: Everyone has somebody that they want to put out of the way.
Oh now, surely Madam, you're not going to tell me that there hasn't been a
time that you didn't want to dispose of someone. Your husband, for
instance.
# Sullivan's Travels
The Girl: I liked you better as a bum.
John Lloyd Sullivan: I can't help what kind of people you like.
John Lloyd Sullivan: There's a lot to be said for making people laugh. Did
you know that that's all some people have?
# Sunset Boulevard
Norma Desmond: We didn't need dialogue. We had *faces*.
# Survivors, The
Donald Quinelle: What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees.
# Suspicion (1941)
[First line]
Johnnie Aysgarth: Oh, I beg your pardon. Was that your leg? I had no idea
we were going into a tunnel. I thought the compartment was empty.
Johnnie Aysgarth: If you're going to kill someone, do it simply.
Isobel Sedbusk: I always think of my murderers as my heroes.
# Taxi Driver
Travis Bickle: You talkin' to me?
# Ten Commandments, The (1956)
Nefertiti: Oh Moses, Moses, you adorable, stubborn fool!
# Tequila Sunrise
Carlos: Don't worry, buddy. I won't kill her unless you approve.
McKussic: And if I don't approve?
Carlos: Then we'll talk until you do...
# Terminator 2: Judgment Day
The Terminator: I need your clothes, boots and your motorcycle!
Cigar Biker: You forgot to say please...
Dr. Silberman: I'm sure it feels very real to you.
Sarah Connor: On August 29th 1997 it's gonna feel pretty fucking real to
you too. Anybody not wearing 2 million sunblock is gonna have a real bad
day... Get it?
John Connor: Now don't take this the wrong way, but you're a terminator,
right?
[Lewis, the Guard buys a cup of coffee, just before he is introduced to the
T-1000 (As Lewis)]
Lewis, the Guard: Hey, I got a full house!
Gwen: That's good Lewis.
Lewis, the Guard: Must be my lucky day...
[Just like in _The Terminator_ (qv)]
The Terminator: Come with me if you want to live!
[Sarah Connor, looking at The Terminator]
Sarah Connor: So, what's your story?
The Terminator: Stay here, I'll be back!
The Terminator: Hasta la vista, baby!
# Terminator, The
Kyle Reese: Come with me if you want to live!
The Terminator: I'll be back!
# Thelma & Louise
J.D. Tech: You got an amazing story to tell your friends, if not you got a
tag on your toe.
J.D. Tech: Well now, I've always believed if done properly, armed robbery
doesn't have to be a totally unpleasant experience.
# They Came from Within
Forsythe: He tells me that even old flesh is erotic flesh, that disease is
the love of two alien kinds of creatures for each other, that even dying
is an act of eroticism.
# They Died with Their Boots On
George Armstrong Custer: We ride ... to hell. Or to glory. It depends on
your point of view.
# They Live
Nada: I'm here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubble
gum.
# Thing, The (1982)
Clark: I dunno what the hell's in there, but it's big and pissed off
whatever it is.
[Last line]
MacReady: Why don't we just wait here for a while ... see what happens.
# Third Man, The
Harry Lime: In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare,
terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da
Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love --
they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The
cuckoo clock.
# This Is Spinal Tap
David St. Hubbins: I'd probably feel a lot worse if I wasn't under such
heavy sedation.
David St. Hubbins: Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year - it's
just not widely reported.
[Nigel Tufnel is proudly showing off his speakers]
Nigel Tufnel: These go to 11.
[Nigel Tufnel is showing Marty DiBergi one of his favorite guitars]
Nigel Tufnel: Just listen to the sustain.
Marty DiBergi: I don't hear anything.
Nigel Tufnel: Well, you would if it were playing.
# Three Amigos!
[Dusty Bottoms and Lucky Day thinks Ned Nederlander is saying "mail" plane]
Dusty Bottoms: What is it doing here?
Ned Nederlander: I think it's a male plane.
Dusty Bottoms: How can you tell?
Ned Nederlander: Didn't you notice it's little balls?
# To Catch a Thief
Frances Stevens: I've never caught a jewel thief before. It's very
stimulating.
[Last line]
Frances Stevens: So this is where you live? Oh, Mother will love it up
here!
John Robie: You don't have to spend every day of your life proving your
honesty, but I do.
# Tombstone
Wyatt Earp: Are you gonna do something, or just stand there bleeding?
Wyatt Earp: I'm coming. And hell is coming with me!
John Ringo: I want your blood. I want your soul. And I want them both
right now!
# Tootsie
[Michael Dorsey as Dorothy Michaels]
Dorothy Michaels: What kind of mother would I be if I didn't give my girls
tits ... tips?
# Top Secret! (1984)
[on the telephone]
German Officer: ...well, let me know if his condition improves.
[to people in the room]
German Officer: ...he's dead.
# Total Recall
Douglas Quaid: I'll be back!
# Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The
[This is the original]
Gold Hat: Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges. I
don't have to show you any stinking badges.
# Tremors
Valentine McKee: You see, we plan ahead, that way we don't do anything
right now.
Earl Bass: Damn it Valentine, you never plan ahead, you never take the long
view, I mean here it is Monday and I'm already thinking of Wednesday....
It is Monday right?
[Earl Bass and Valentine McKee are about to meet Rhonda LeBeck; Valentine
McKee pictures her]
Valentine McKee: You will have; long blonde hair, big green eyes, world
class breasts, ass that won't quit and legs that go all the way up.
[Earl Bass and Valentine McKee have just been chased by a 30 feet long
monster]
Rhonda LeBeck: Did you notice anything weird a minute ago?
Valentine McKee: This valley is just one long smorgasbord.
Earl Bass: Damn it and listen to me, I'm older and I'm wiser.
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well you're half right.
[Burt Gummer looks at his bomb shelter for perhaps the last time]
Burt Gummer: Food for five years, a thousand gallons of gas, air
filtration, water filtration, geiger counter. Bomb shelter!
Underground... God damn monsters.
[Burt Gummer looks at the monster fought off with his "toys"]
Burt Gummer: Guess you broke into the wrong God damn rec room, didn't ya!
# Trouble with Harry, The
[Upon finding the Captain dragging a body along the ground]
Miss Graveley: What seems to be the trouble, Captain?
[The Captain and Miss Graveley have afternoon tea together]
Captain: A real handsome man's cup.
Miss Graveley: It's been in the family for years. My father always used it
... until he died.
Captain: I trust he died peacefully. Slipped away in the night?
Miss Graveley: He was caught in a threshing machine.
[Referring to Harry]
Jennifer Rogers: He looked exactly the same when he was alive, only he was
vertical.
Captain: Marriage is a good way to spend the winter.
# Turner & Hooch
Amos Reed: Let him go, Hooch! I'm sorry, Scott. I don't have the
hand-strength I used to. You're OK, aren't you?
Scott Turner: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I was looking forward to a nice quiet
cup of coffee, BUT NOW I'M AWAKE!
Emily Carson: Well, it's a nice night, and I have to walk Camille. Do you
want to take a walk with me?
Scott Turner: No. No. Well, you see, I'm starting to like you, and if
we're going to walk I'm just going to like you even more, and then one day
we might even end up in love and everything will go on fine for a while,
but-but then one day *bang* you're gonna call me a selfish compulsive
bachelor. You gonna pull your hair, you gonna scream and you gonna say
you never want to see me again because I drive you crazy, and I'm a lousy
shot. Now, who needs that? Good night.
# Twins
Julius Benedict: If you're lying, I'll be back!
# UHF
Bob: How could you do this to me? I knew this was gonna happen!
George Newman: You're right, Bob. I'm sorry. What can I say? I-I'm a
miserable worthless hunk of slime. Here, I want you to take this crowbar
and just bash my head right in. Go ahead. Really! Just BASH my head
right in!
Bob: George, you know I can't do that. You still owe me 5 bucks.
Bob: I don't know about this, George. We don't know the first thing about
what goes on in a television station.
George Newman: Don't worry, Bob. It's just like working in a fish-market.
Except you don't have to clean and gut fish all day.
[In the "Spatula City" advertising commercial]
Sy Greenblum: Hello, this is Sy Greenblum, president of Spatula City. I
like the spatulas so much, I bought the company.
Stanley Spadowski: George, you know I was wondering, like if you were
traveling through outer space, I mean like you're going real fast, like
the speed of light, you know ...hoooohhhhh... and all of a sudden you
started screaming ...aaaahhhhh aaaaahhhhh... Do you think your brain
would blow up?
Bob: Guys, I'm trying to work... Do you mind?
Stanley Spadowski: I don't mind. Go right ahead... Do you mind, George?
[See _The Treasure of the Sierra Madre_ (qv)]
Raul Hernandez: Badgers? Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers!
R.J. Fletcher: This is an embarrassment. A disgrace. What do you think
R.J. Fletcher Senior would be saying if he were alive today?
Richard Fletcher: "Help me out of this box, I can't breathe in here! Help,
let me out!"
Stanley Spadowski: George? What's the matter?
George Newman: Stanley, you don't want to know.
Stanley Spadowski: Huh? Why did I ask?
# Under Siege (1992)
William Strannix: Damn, I'm good.
Admiral Bates: This is Admiral Bates speaking. I am trying to get a hold
of chief Ryback. Is he about?
Jordan Tate: He is in a gunfight right now. I'm gonna have to take a
message.
William Strannix: All my life, Saturday morning cartoons... The best!
# Unforgiven (1992)
[Little Bill Daggett is lying on the floor helpless as William Munny points
Ned Logan's rifle at him]
Little Bill Daggett: I don't deserve to die like this! I was building a
house!
William Munny: Deserve's got nothin' to do with it.
[He shoots]
# Untouchables, The
Jim Malone: You wanna get Capone? Here's how you get him. He pulls a
knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send
one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way. And that's how you get
Capone!
[Last lines]
Reporter: Word is they're going to repeal Prohibition. What'll you do
then?
Eliot Ness: I think I'll have a drink.
# Vertigo
[First Line]
Cop: Give me your hand. Give me your hand.
John Fergusson: You shouldn't keep souvenirs of a killing. You shouldn't
have been that sentimental.
# Voyage (1993) (TV)
[Talking about the Freeland couple they just met]
Catherine "Kit" Norvell: You think she is attractive, don't you?
Morgan Norvell: You think he is?
Catherine "Kit" Norvell: Why do we always answer questions with questions?
Morgan Norvell: How do you mean?
# Wall Street
Bud Fox: Why do you need to wreck this company?
Gordon Gecco: Because it's wreckable, all right!
# War of the Roses, The
[Finding out that they are going to get a divorce]
Oliver Rose: And you better get yourself a damn good lawyer!
Barbara Rose: Best your money can buy!
Gavin D'Amato: Oliver, my father used to say that a man can never out-do a
woman when it comes to love and revenge.
[Oliver Rose pees on the fish Barbara Rose had prepared for the guests]
Barbara Rose: I would never humiliate you like this!
Oliver Rose: You're not equipped to, honey.
# Wayne's World
Garth Algar: That is a babe! She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we
used to climb the rope in gym-class.
Benjamin Oliver: So Garth, how do you like being in a studio?
Garth Algar: Ahm, it's it's like a new pair of underwear, you know... At
first it's constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you.
[See _Terminator 2: Judgment Day_ (qv)]
[Wayne Campbell is stopped by a traffic cop]
Wayne Campbell: Yes, officer, is there a problem?
T-1000: Have you seen this boy?
Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar: We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
# Wayne's World 2
[pickup-line]
Honey Horne: So, would you like to have dinner one night?
Garth Algar: Oh, I like to have dinner every night.
Honey Horne: I bet you like to be in control...
Garth Algar: Yes, like when I was 17, my sister wanted to loan my Def
Leppard. I said "No way!".
Honey Horne: Take me, Garth!
Garth Algar: Where?
[Instead of saying "excuse me, I beg your pardon?"]
Wayne Campbell: Exsqueeze me? A baking-powder?
# Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Jessica: I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.
Jessica: I've loved you more than any woman's loved a rabbit.
# Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?
Rita Marlowe: I picked him up, I can pick him down.
# Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Willy Wonka: No other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by
waterfall.
Willy Wonka: Are the hell fires a-glowing? Is the reaper a-mowing? So the
danger must be growing!
Willy Wonka: Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, and not a drop to drink!
Willy Wonka: If the good Lord had intended us to walk he wouldn't have
invented roller-skates.
Willy Wonka: Everything inside is eatable, I mean edible, I mean everything
can be eaten.
Willy Wonka: So much time and so little to do ... strike that, reverse it.
# Witness (1985)
Rachel Lapp: I just don't like my son spending all his time with a man who
carries a gun and goes around whacking people.
John Book: Whacking, I'm hell at whacking.
John Book: How do I look - I mean, do I look Amish?
# Woman of the Year (1942)
[Last Line]
Sam Craig: I've just launched Gerald.
# Wrong Man, The (1957)
Lt. Bowers: An innocent man has nothing to fear, remember that.
# Wrong Trousers, The
Wallace: Cracking toast Gromit!
Wallace: They're the wrong trousers Gromit, and they've gone wrong!
# Young Guns (1988)
Richard Brewer: Papers can't do anything right.
"Dirty Steve" Stephens: Did you guys see the size of that chicken?
Charley Bowdre: Hey, Chavez, how come they ain't killing us?
"Dirty Steve" Stephens: Because we're in the spirit world, asshole. They
can't see us.
William H. Bonney: Reap the whirlwind, Brady! Reap it!
William H. Bonney: If we're caught, we're gonna hang... But there's many a
slip twixt the cup and the lip.
William H. Bonney: You know, Sir, I do admire you, and I sure would like to
touch the gun that's gonna kill Billy the Kid.
William H. Bonney: "Dear Governor Axtell. I've heard that you will give
200 dollars for my head. Perhaps we should meet and talk. I am at the
Juarez village at the border. Send 3 men, and instruct them not to shoot,
as I am unarmed. In short, Sir; I surrender. Your obedient servant
William H. Bonney. PS: I changed my mind. Kiss my ass!"
Alex McSween: I'm not leaving my house.
William H. Bonney: Alex, if you stay they're gonna kill you. And then I'm
gonna have to to go around and kill all the guys who killed you. That's a
lot of killing.
[The "Regulators" are surronded by 20-30 men in Alex McSween's house]
Josiah G. "Doc" Scurlock: Billy, what are we gonna do now?
William H. Bonney: We're gonna show these guys they've finally met their
match!
[When the cavalry arrives]
Josiah G. "Doc" Scurlock: Billy, we're good, but this is getting
ridiculous.
William H. Bonney: I like these odds...
"Dirty Steve" Stephens: Damn good riding with you, Chavez.
Jose Chavez Y Chavez: Many nights, my friend... Many nights I've put a
blade to your throat while you were sleeping. Glad I never killed you,
Steve. You're all right...
# Young Guns II
Charles Phalen: William H. Bonney, heh? Billy the Kid was shot and killed
by Pat Garret. Everybody knows that, it's common knowledge.
William H. Bonney (the Old): There are other lawyers around, you piece of
chicken shit. Get back in the vehicle and drive before I make it 22 just
for the hell of it.
[last line a lot of people heard]
William H. Bonney: Yoohoo. I'll make you famous!
Doc Scurlock: You son of a bitch! You're starting to believe what they're
writing about you, aren't you? Let me tell you what you really are! You
rode a 14 year old boy straight to his grave, ant the rest of us straight
to hell... Straight to hell! William H. Bonney! You are NOT a god!
William H. Bonney: Why don't you pull the trigger and find out?
Judge Bristol: ...and there be hanged by the neck till he be dead, dead,
dead. Now, do you have anything to say, young man?
William H. Bonney: Yes I do, your Honor. You can go to hell, hell, hell.
William H. Bonney: "Buckshot George", that's your name. You wanted a name,
that's it. "Buckshot George". It's a good name.
Hendry French: My name is Hendry William French.
William H. Bonney: That's a good name too.
Tom O'Tolliard: What's scum?
William H. Bonney: Well Tom, that's bad types. Politicians, bankers,
cattle-kings... Scum...
# Zelig
[Leonard Zelig is apologizing on radio to all the people he misrepresented
himself to]
Leonard Zelig: I especially want to apologize to the Trochman family in
Detroit..... I never delivered a baby before, and I just thought that ice
tongs were the way to do it.
# Zulu
Private: Why us? Why does it have to be us?
Sergeant: Because we're here lad.
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