The Maltese Bippy REALLY sucked hard

23 views
Skip to first unread message

Kingo Gondo

unread,
Apr 23, 2008, 1:17:39 AM4/23/08
to
SSIA. Even Julie Newmar looked bad
(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"[A] nothing would serve just as well as a something about which nothing
could be said."


Sean O'Hara

unread,
Apr 23, 2008, 1:42:51 AM4/23/08
to
In the Year of the Earth Rat, the Great and Powerful Kingo Gondo
declared:

> SSIA. Even Julie Newmar looked bad
> (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
>

Well what did you expect from Rowan and Martin.

Now if it'd been the Smothers Brothers and Carol Burnett's gang ...

--
Sean O'Hara <http://diogenes-sinope.blogspot.com>
I like all my human interactions to involve shotguns.
-Molly Wood

El Klauso

unread,
Apr 23, 2008, 7:54:06 AM4/23/08
to
I should have a button made for myself - "Survivor - First-Run Viewer
of "The Maltese Bippy."

Still, I didn't walk out on it - The sole time I've done that was with
the 1982 opus "The Sword and the Sorcerer" - an unbelieveably mindless
and totally repellant flick.

Grant Hurlock

unread,
Apr 23, 2008, 8:04:39 AM4/23/08
to
> Even Julie Newmar looked bad
>

Yep, Newmar was a real dog in it--though Dick was still ready to do her.

On the other hand, Carol Lynley (reprising her Robin role as tenant of
lecherous landlord in Under the Yum Yum Tree) looked great--same short hair
& hard body as in Once You Kiss a Stranger, also 1969.


David Oberman

unread,
Apr 23, 2008, 11:23:09 AM4/23/08
to
El Klauso <Kla...@verizon.net> wrote:

>Still, I didn't walk out on it - The sole time I've done that was with
>the 1982 opus "The Sword and the Sorcerer" - an unbelieveably mindless
>and totally repellant flick.

Lee Horsley's film career was a dud. Word is that a sequel to SWORD is
in the works with Horsley, to be called TALES OF AN ANCIENT EMPIRE.
(It will probably be indistinguishable from THE MUMMY 3.)

I only vaguely recall THE MALTESE BIPPY. ABC Sunday Night at the
Movies showed it a few times back in the 1970s. Isn't there a scene
where Dick Martin turns into a werewolf?

Okierazorbacker

unread,
Apr 23, 2008, 2:47:23 PM4/23/08
to
On Apr 22, 11:42 pm, Sean O'Hara <seanoh...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> Well what did you expect from Rowan and Martin.
>
Yeah, there were a couple of laughs in the first two minutes....and
the patter over the opening credits was diverting....then NOTHING.

OK, Carol Lynley was always kinda cute, but wow what a dud.

Stacia

unread,
Apr 23, 2008, 2:48:36 PM4/23/08
to
On Apr 23, 12:17 am, "Kingo Gondo" <kingo_nospam_go...@gmail.org>
wrote:

> SSIA. Even Julie Newmar looked bad
> (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Yeah. I'm going to be blogging about that, hopefully today or
tomorrow. Total vortex of suck.

Stacia

Okierazorbacker

unread,
Apr 23, 2008, 7:44:34 PM4/23/08
to
On Apr 23, 12:48 pm, Stacia <glitterni...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>   Yeah.  I'm going to be blogging about that, hopefully today or
> tomorrow.  Total vortex of suck.
>
I could add that I'd not noticed before what a truly great voice Fritz
Weaver had in those days. Not that it would add up to a
recommendation of this, the very dictionary definition of vanity
project. Eeewww.

Grant Hurlock

unread,
Apr 24, 2008, 6:36:17 AM4/24/08
to
> where Dick Martin turns into a werewolf?
>

It's a *spoiler alert* dream sequence, as he's been post-hypnotically
suggested to believe he's one by his crooked shrink.

(A better bit is the near-bestiality scene in a motel between pornstar
Dick & a beautiful afghan he believes to be Julie Newmar.)


Grant Hurlock

unread,
Apr 24, 2008, 6:48:51 AM4/24/08
to
> Even Julie Newmar looked bad
>

Do you mean bad-bad or good-bad?

(You might have been looking at Eddra Gale.)


Anim8rFSK

unread,
Apr 24, 2008, 11:44:11 AM4/24/08
to
In article <SDzPj.537243$r03.3...@fe10.news.easynews.com>,
"Kingo Gondo" <kingo_nos...@gmail.org> wrote:

> SSIA. Even Julie Newmar looked bad
> (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I'm trying to watch it now, but even with Carol Lynley and Julie Newmar,
it's tough going.

--
Star Trek 09:

No Shat, No Show.
http://www.disneysub.com/board/noshat.jpg

Anim8rFSK

unread,
Apr 24, 2008, 11:44:39 AM4/24/08
to
In article
<e8963eb2-31ac-4ccd...@34g2000hsf.googlegroups.com>,
El Klauso <Kla...@verizon.net> wrote:

Isn't that the one where Maria Socas is topless through the whole thing?

Okierazorbacker

unread,
Apr 24, 2008, 2:26:38 PM4/24/08
to
On Apr 24, 9:44 am, Anim8rFSK <ANIM8R...@cox.net> wrote:
>
> I'm trying to watch it now, but even with Carol Lynley and Julie Newmar,
> it's tough going.
>
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! ESCAPE WHILE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE!!!!!!
SAAAAAAAAAAAVE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!! :-D

Anim8rFSK

unread,
Apr 24, 2008, 5:39:42 PM4/24/08
to
In article
<a3cd4b92-7599-496b...@s50g2000hsb.googlegroups.com>,
Okierazorbacker <okieraz...@yahoo.com> wrote:

Thank God the doorbell rang, but I was probably 2/3 of the way through
(that would be about 6 hours in, right?) so I imagine I'll finish it.

But gah!

And who thought this was a clever title? All these years I assumed this
was a Sam Spade riff. Exactly what marketing genius thought "The
Maltese Bippy" would sell "Rowan and Martin meet Dracula and the
Wolfman"???

Grant Hurlock

unread,
Apr 24, 2008, 6:04:42 PM4/24/08
to
> I'm trying to watch it now, but even with Carol Lynley and Julie Newmar,
> it's tough going.
>

It's no classic, but I'd rather watch Maltese Bippy 4 times than watch
It's a Mad x 4 World once.

(Bippy also has cult-actress Julie Bishop & Laugh-In semi-regular Pam
Rodgers--as the pornette who only makes family-type films.)

Stacia

unread,
Apr 24, 2008, 8:34:34 PM4/24/08
to
On Apr 24, 4:39 pm, Anim8rFSK <ANIM8R...@cox.net> wrote:

> And who thought this was a clever title? All these years I assumed this
> was a Sam Spade riff. Exactly what marketing genius thought "The
> Maltese Bippy" would sell "Rowan and Martin meet Dracula and the
> Wolfman"

I think the wolf curse was from Malta. I dunno, I got the
impression that it was a tiny plot point they included simply as an
excuse to use the title. Someone who was very, very high came up with
"The Maltese Bippy" as a title, and was so enamored of it that they
refused to let it go.

Stacia

Grant Hurlock

unread,
Apr 25, 2008, 7:11:54 AM4/25/08
to
> Isn't that the one where Maria Socas is topless through the whole thing?
>

Nope, Sword & the Sorcerer stars stubby-legged beauty Kathleen Beller,
who does not--worse luck--unsheathe her 2ble-Ds (the way she did in The
Betsy & Margaret Atwood's Surfacing).

It's fun for a Kathy fan (like me) but is from that fantasy genre (which
I never got into) back when everyone was clonin' Conan.

(And, though she escapes unscathed, Beller was some years later sent
back to the same sort of world in the movie Time Trackers.)

Anim8rFSK

unread,
Apr 25, 2008, 12:04:50 PM4/25/08
to
In article <%%iQj.7376$iK6...@nlpi069.nbdc.sbc.com>,
"Grant Hurlock" <jhur...@pacbell.net> wrote:

> > Isn't that the one where Maria Socas is topless through the whole thing?
> >
>
> Nope, Sword & the Sorcerer stars stubby-legged beauty Kathleen Beller,
> who does not--worse luck--unsheathe her 2ble-Ds (the way she did in The
> Betsy & Margaret Atwood's Surfacing).

Ah, I was thinking of The Warrior and the Sorceress.

The Betsy was awesome. Not only Kathleen Beller, but it's where we
discovered Leslie-Anne Down.


>
> It's fun for a Kathy fan (like me) but is from that fantasy genre (which
> I never got into) back when everyone was clonin' Conan.
>
> (And, though she escapes unscathed, Beller was some years later sent
> back to the same sort of world in the movie Time Trackers.)

--

Anim8rFSK

unread,
Apr 25, 2008, 12:05:25 PM4/25/08
to
In article
<317dd777-0f78-4170...@34g2000hsf.googlegroups.com>,
Stacia <glitte...@gmail.com> wrote:

Geez. How about Transylvania 65-BIPPY?

Anim8rFSK

unread,
Apr 27, 2008, 11:49:51 AM4/27/08
to
In article <ANIM8Rfsk-021D0...@news.west.cox.net>,
Anim8rFSK <ANIM...@cox.net> wrote:

> In article
> <a3cd4b92-7599-496b...@s50g2000hsb.googlegroups.com>,
> Okierazorbacker <okieraz...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> > On Apr 24, 9:44 am, Anim8rFSK <ANIM8R...@cox.net> wrote:
> > >
> > > I'm trying to watch it now, but even with Carol Lynley and Julie Newmar,
> > > it's tough going.
> > >
> > NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! ESCAPE WHILE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE!!!!!!
> > SAAAAAAAAAAAVE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!! :-D

I . . . finally finished it.

I'd stopped just about the time of the dream chase sequence, which they
thankfully sped up; otherwise it would have been completely deadly.

But then the film grinds down and down and down into that ghastly ending.

Why is Carol Lynley dead? Shouldn't the last reset have revived her?

I swear they improvised the autopsy.

We never did learn what the big clew meant (about pacing from the shaft).

Nice that there's a secret tunnel that leads to a fake grave that just
happens to be by the neighbors house so they go over and listen and find
out the whole plot. The damn people live NEXT DOOR. The tunnel through
the graveyard is the LONG way. And wouldn't you still end up across the
street?

Do you think they wrote this in one weekend and shot it in another, or
just used the first take on every shot, or recorded the rehersals, or
what?

From the director of HOW TO COMMIT MARRIAGE and THE ROAD TO HONG KONG --
two movies I want to like, and can't, and the writer of a lot of stuff I
never sat all the way through.

Stacia

unread,
Apr 27, 2008, 5:58:57 PM4/27/08
to
On Apr 27, 10:49 am, Anim8rFSK <ANIM8R...@cox.net> wrote:

> Why is Carol Lynley dead? Shouldn't the last reset have revived her?

Yeah, there is NO REASON that only Rowan and Martin are alive at the
end, except to make a gay joke.

> We never did learn what the big clew meant (about pacing from the shaft).

It opened a trap door into the basement. Other than that, no, it
didn't do anything, so I guess it wasn't much of a clue.

> Nice that there's a secret tunnel that leads to a fake grave that just
> happens to be by the neighbors house so they go over and listen and find
> out the whole plot. The damn people live NEXT DOOR. The tunnel through
> the graveyard is the LONG way.

I was zoning out by this point, but yeah, the logistics don't work.
The neighbors are on the other side of the house, not near the
cemetery, so this makes no sense.
Actually, I just blogged about this movie a couple days ago, and got
pissed off at it all over again. It's both offensive *and* inept.
Amazing.

Stacia

Anim8rFSK

unread,
Apr 27, 2008, 8:18:25 PM4/27/08
to
In article
<329f1d73-5cfe-4a4b...@d45g2000hsc.googlegroups.com>,
Stacia <glitte...@gmail.com> wrote:

> On Apr 27, 10:49 am, Anim8rFSK <ANIM8R...@cox.net> wrote:
>
> > Why is Carol Lynley dead? Shouldn't the last reset have revived her?
>
> Yeah, there is NO REASON that only Rowan and Martin are alive at the
> end, except to make a gay joke.

Robert Reed survived though . . . :\

But you're right, that's why Carol is dead; they didn't have a gay joke
if she lived. That's their BIG FINISH???

And her own father killed her? And just stood there like 'oopsie'?


>
> > We never did learn what the big clew meant (about pacing from the shaft).
>
> It opened a trap door into the basement. Other than that, no, it
> didn't do anything, so I guess it wasn't much of a clue.

Except I don't think it did. The clew was 'start with the shaft' and
they started with the knife stuck in Boris Badenov which clearly isn't a
fixed landmark, unless they meant something else in that scene. The
trap door seemed just to be a coincidence.

And the trap door didn't go anywhere you couldn't go just by taking the
stairs anyway.


>
> > Nice that there's a secret tunnel that leads to a fake grave that just
> > happens to be by the neighbors house so they go over and listen and find
> > out the whole plot. The damn people live NEXT DOOR. The tunnel through
> > the graveyard is the LONG way.
>
> I was zoning out by this point, but yeah, the logistics don't work.
> The neighbors are on the other side of the house, not near the
> cemetery, so this makes no sense.
> Actually, I just blogged about this movie a couple days ago, and got

url?

> pissed off at it all over again. It's both offensive *and* inept.
> Amazing.
>
> Stacia

I felt sorry for Carol Lynley. Most of the people just had a scene or
two so they just had to show up for a day or two. But she had scene
after scene where she just walked in, said a line, and walked out again.
She had to be there for the whole damn thing, with almost nothing to do.

And who wrote the clew in blood across the dead guy's chest? If he did
it himself, it should have been upside down. I was really losing track
at that point.

dgates

unread,
Apr 28, 2008, 1:35:00 AM4/28/08
to

Funny, reading all this about "the last reset" and "clues" and "trap
doors" and "secret tunnels" makes me curious about the movie.

Where are you guys finding this movie again? I don't see it on
Netflix.

Grant Hurlock

unread,
Apr 28, 2008, 1:43:38 AM4/28/08
to
> And who thought this was a clever title? All these years I assumed this
> was a Sam Spade riff.

The obvious parallel is between the Gutman gang in Falcon & the
Ravenswood gang in Bippy: each knot of crooks follows priceless stolen
object from Europe to U.S. & secretly schemes to lay hands on it.
(A bippy itself is a kind of anatomical McGuffin; it's a word Laugh-In
used to designate any naughty body part unnamable on the air. Thus it comes
with built-in referential mystery--a bit like Hammett's dingus.)

Stacia

unread,
Apr 28, 2008, 2:14:14 AM4/28/08
to
On Apr 27, 7:18 pm, Anim8rFSK <ANIM8R...@cox.net> wrote:

> And her own father killed her? And just stood there like 'oopsie'?

Was that really her father, or was it the fake father that Martin
made up in his version of the ending? I figured everyone just stood
there without caring because (a) it's a bad movie and (b) by then
they'd broken the 4th wall and there was no more suspension of
disbelief to deal with. I don't know. I just don't know any more.

> > Actually, I just blogged about this movie a couple days ago, and got
>
> url?

http://www.shebloggedbynight.com/

It's the top post there right now. I really just ranted more than
anything, I was not in the mood to see that movie when I did.

> And who wrote the clew in blood across the dead guy's chest? If he did
> it himself, it should have been upside down. I was really losing track
> at that point.

They said he wrote it himself, but you're right, the writing was far
too good for it to be done by him. And who injured him after he
swallowed the diamond, did we ever find out?

Stacia

Stacia

unread,
Apr 28, 2008, 2:15:01 AM4/28/08
to
On Apr 28, 12:35 am, dgates <dga...@somedomain.com> wrote:

> Funny, reading all this about "the last reset" and "clues" and "trap
> doors" and "secret tunnels" makes me curious about the movie.
>
> Where are you guys finding this movie again? I don't see it on
> Netflix.

It was on TCM. It must show occasionally, as it wasn't listed as a
"premier" when it showed recently. You can probably catch it again
sometime.

Stacia


Okierazorbacker

unread,
Apr 28, 2008, 3:29:41 AM4/28/08
to
On Apr 27, 11:35 pm, dgates <dga...@somedomain.com> wrote:
>
> Funny, reading all this about "the last reset" and "clues" and "trap
> doors" and "secret tunnels" makes me curious about the movie.
>
> Where are you guys finding this movie again?  I don't see it on
> Netflix.

TCM ran it recently. Believe me, you didn't miss a thing.

Okierazorbacker

unread,
Apr 28, 2008, 3:30:02 AM4/28/08
to
On Apr 27, 11:43 pm, "Grant Hurlock" <jhurl...@pacbell.net> wrote:

>     (A bippy itself is a kind of anatomical McGuffin;  it's a word Laugh-In
> used to designate any naughty body part unnamable on the air.  Thus it comes
> with built-in referential mystery--a bit like Hammett's dingus.)

You bet your sweet bippy.

Kingo Gondo

unread,
Apr 28, 2008, 10:53:05 AM4/28/08
to

"Stacia" <glitte...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:01069f45-0619-4b22...@24g2000hsh.googlegroups.com...

Not necessarily soon--sometimes it is several years before showings of
films. Design for Living must be MIA for about five years now--and it is an
excellent film. I think the same holds true for EGR's "Dark Hazard",
although it is scheduled soon, I think.

But Skidoo and The Love-ins are back in July, as I recall--the same TCM
Underground slot.


Kingo Gondo

unread,
Apr 28, 2008, 11:29:18 AM4/28/08
to

"Stacia" <glitte...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:e99c5faf-9d87-49ce...@k37g2000hsf.googlegroups.com...

> On Apr 27, 7:18 pm, Anim8rFSK <ANIM8R...@cox.net> wrote:
>
>> And her own father killed her? And just stood there like 'oopsie'?
>
> Was that really her father, or was it the fake father that Martin
> made up in his version of the ending? I figured everyone just stood
> there without caring because (a) it's a bad movie and (b) by then
> they'd broken the 4th wall and there was no more suspension of
> disbelief to deal with. I don't know. I just don't know any more.
>
>> > Actually, I just blogged about this movie a couple days ago, and got
>>
>> url?
>
> http://www.shebloggedbynight.com/
>
> It's the top post there right now. I really just ranted more than
> anything, I was not in the mood to see that movie when I did.

That's a nice blog, Stacia.


Stacia

unread,
Apr 28, 2008, 2:58:28 PM4/28/08
to
On Apr 28, 10:29 am, "Kingo Gondo" <kingo_nospam_go...@gmail.com>
wrote:

> That's a nice blog, Stacia.

Thanks, KG.

Stacia

Grant Hurlock

unread,
Apr 28, 2008, 5:54:25 PM4/28/08
to
> SSIA.
>

Maybe half an hour into Maltese Bippy, just before Dan Rowan's first
visit to theatrical booker Adolph Springer, there's an establishing shot of
Broadway at night. Among the neon adverts & lit marquees is this news
headline crawling across building front: MARTIN LUTHER KING SH . . ., at
which point we cut to interior of Adolph's office. Assuming the last word
is SHOT & not something else, it's a timely reminder that the world of 1968
wasn't ALL vampires & werewolves.


Grant Hurlock

unread,
Apr 28, 2008, 6:01:51 PM4/28/08
to
> (A better bit is the near-bestiality scene in a motel between pornstar
> Dick & a beautiful afghan he believes to be Julie Newmar.)
>
>

Just realized I don't know my Dick from my Dan! It's Rowan who almost
lies down with the dog.

(He soliloquizes: "I can always get a distemper shot.")

Anim8rFSK

unread,
Apr 28, 2008, 9:20:07 PM4/28/08
to
In article <bPrRj.12412$GE1....@nlpi061.nbdc.sbc.com>,
"Grant Hurlock" <jhur...@pacbell.net> wrote:

"Dan Dicks Dog"

Tape at ten.

Stacia

unread,
Apr 29, 2008, 2:26:34 AM4/29/08
to

I saw that too, thanks for reminding me. It was chilling. At the
time I wondered why they didn't bother to re-shoot the scene or use
footage when something else was on the marquee. It seems a bit tacky
to use that shot in a movie designed to be nothing but a series of
trivial, pointless one-liners and sight gags.

Stacia

Jim

unread,
Apr 29, 2008, 5:03:34 PM4/29/08
to
"Once Upon a Horse" (1958) was funny.

Jim

Okierazorbacker

unread,
Apr 29, 2008, 5:20:24 PM4/29/08
to
On Apr 29, 12:26 am, Stacia <glitterni...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>   I saw that too, thanks for reminding me.  It was chilling.  At the
> time I wondered why they didn't bother to re-shoot the scene or use
> footage when something else was on the marquee.  It seems a bit tacky
> to use that shot in a movie designed to be nothing but a series of
> trivial, pointless one-liners and sight gags.
>
They were probably too stoned to notice.

Anim8rFSK

unread,
Apr 30, 2008, 11:08:24 AM4/30/08
to
In article
<7eef4cef-3c85-4d6f...@k37g2000hsf.googlegroups.com>,
Okierazorbacker <okieraz...@yahoo.com> wrote:

I dunno. I think if they were all too stoned to notice the movie might
actually have been funny.

Reply all
Reply to author
Forward
0 new messages