A Pedophile Mind - As sentencing approaches, Christian priest pours out sexual history hoping for probation, gets notoriety instead
and/or www.mantra.com/jai
history hoping for probation, gets notoriety instead
By Kay Ebeling
City of Angels in Santa Barbara
Friday, January 29, 2010
Fr. Van Handel felt he was "a failure with nothing to live for" soon
after news broke that he molested choir boys, his therapist said.
Facing justice, the pedophile priest wrote out a history of his sex
life and gave it to the Court while requesting probation, answering
questions about what is wrong inside the Church inadvertently and the
role of priests that led to this nationwide epidemic of pedophilia.
His sexual outpouring did not earn the felon priest probation, he was
sentenced to 8 years, served four in prison, four on parole, and
since 1992 has lived close to his therapists outside Santa Cruz.
Today at City of Angels we look at the state of Van Handel's mind
between arrest and sentencing and how his cooperation got his sexual
autobiography into the public record.
He wanted to tell it to the world
The arresting officer wrote, "Van Handel made it clear he wanted full
disclosure of his acting-out history." His therapist wrote: "Full
disclosures to the best of his ability to recall has a therapeutic
effect which outweighs the risk factor associated with the actual
sentencing."
As we read through his "sexual autobiography" and the Probation
Report, an image appears of a nervous priest who knows in 1994 that
any day he will be named as one of the pedophiles at St. Anthony's.
Once accused, Van Handel jets off to St. Luke's in Maryland where he
spends seven months with 32 other sexually charged priests
Van Handel watches as more news is released about St. Anthony's
seminary in Santa Barbara. Before his sentencing, I sense almost
Stockholm Syndrome in the way Van Handel agrees to cooperate with the
police, telling them everything, almost like this sick priest saw in
the detectives the father confessors he'd always been looking for in
the Church.
Whatever his motivation for writing out the 27-page single space
typed document, so much is revealed in it about life behind the
cloistered doors of the seminary, the secretiveness, the totally
inexperienced adult men teaching boys about sexuality. We will write
more about Van Handel's strange mutation from a freshman who wouldn't
dare touch his genitals to the choir director who rubbed and tickled
the genitals of hundreds, picking freely from a steady stream of 8 to
14-year olds at his disposal.
By the way, we are not on a bounty hunt for the head of Van Handel on
a stick. He is just one of six thousand, one of the perhaps ten
thousand Catholic priests who turned out to be pedophiles ravaging
children of parish families in the last sixty or so years in the USA,
six thousand that we know of. Believe it or not, Van Handel's crimes
and just one more installment as the stories slowly come out about
the pedophile epidemic in the Catholic Church.
Here, today, we're exploring what was going on in the mind of this
perpetrator priest the weeks before his arrest as he waited for the
"crisis to hit," and the way his life changed after the arrest and
conviction, including what I feel is pampering at treatment centers,
especially when you compare the treatment this convicted pedophile
priest gets to what was done to the lives of pedophile priests'
victims, and where many of us are today.
Many readers have queried, how did the sexual autobiography end up in
the public record in the first place?
The arresting officer, Mike McGrew of the Santa Barbara Police
Department, describes getting the sexual autobiography into evidence,
in his report attached to the Probation Report:
"When I arrested Van Handel, I served a search warrant in his room at
the St. Francis Retreat in San Juan Bautista, California. I recovered
several pieces of evidence which included various correspondence,
letters written by Van Handel, a diary, (January 1993 to March 1994)
written by Van Handel, and an autobiography written by Van Handel."
Where "he describes his pedophile feelings and mentions 'trust' as a
tool for his unlawful acts.
"Van Handel also describes the Santa Barbara Boys Choir as being 'a
constant supply of attractive little boys.'"
His therapist wrote: "Mr. Van Handel made it clear that he wanted
full disclosure of his acting-out history as a step in controlling
his pedophilic tendencies," in a letter included in the Probation
Report.
I see a state of panic developing in Van Handel during the months
between his arrest and conviction.
The MSW continues that Van Handel, "said he fully recognized that his
full and candid disclosures increased the risk of additional or
maximum sentencing versus the possibility of parole and out-patient
treatment. However, he feels full disclosures to the best of his
ability to recall has a therapeutic effect which outweighs the risk
factor associated with the actual sentencing.
Van Handel molested so many boys he couldn't keep them straight.
HERE IN HIS OWN WORDS:
What Happened the Weeks Before Van Handel was Sentenced that Led to
His Releasing his Sexual Autobiography, for which we are grateful
(NOTE: As I'm typing this stuff, I INTERJECT IN PARENTHESES AND ALL
CAPS WHAT COMES TO MY MIND IN THE PROCESS, and we try to open and
close quotes so you can clearly see where I'm copy typing and where
I'm going off on my own rant.)
After finishing his MA at UCSF in History in June of 1991
(WHAT A WASTE OF GOOD EDUCATION RESOURCES)
"I was asked to work in the Provincial office. I had been listless
and unhappy, could not describe any job that would interest me, and
was generally depressed. The Boys Choir hired a new director. I was
replaced by another administrator in Santa Barbara, and with somewhat
heavy heart moved to Berkeley.
"I worked in Oakland at our provincial office, mainly doing
secretarial work. As I had nothing else I wanted to do, I was not
dissatisfied, but clearly this would be a transition job.
"Sexually I was continuing to masturbate to images both of women and
boys, and occasionally I would see FEMALE FRIEND in secret of course.
"The Year sort of bumped along taking me with it.
"In December I visited the choir in Santa Barbara, but already there
were boys I had never met. I felt welcomed but estranged. There was a
dispute going on about the new director, and I was drawn into the
controversy. That was not pleasant.
"In April I joined some of my family for a 10K race in the Redwoods.
"Then in May the letter of intervention arrived.
"This was addressed to me with copies sent to several church
officials, including the Provincial, confronting me with a
molestation of perhaps ten years earlier."
(VAN HANDEL DIDDLED SO MANY BOYS, HE CAN'T KEEP THEM ALL STRAIGHT)
"The people who had sent the letter had been my best friends. The
tone of the letter was stern, but the writers tried to point out that
by forcing me to get help they were not only protecting other boys,
but helping me as well.
"Since this time they have become very hostile.
(I BET THAT'S AN UNDERSTATEMENT)
"I sat down with my Provincial and a couple of good friends that same
night and told them the accusations were true and that there were
many other instances of similar behavior."
(SEE HE SPENT MORE THAN A YEAR ANTICIPATING THIS MOMENT AND THEN
STARTED POURING IT ALL OUT.)
"I was somewhat t in shock, but I was not overly surprised that the
secret was finally out.
"My confreres promised support and action, and a few days later I
left for St. Luke's Institute in Suitland, Maryland, near Washington
D.C. There I was interviewed and tested in every way possible,
including medical examinations and a brain scan."
(HAS ANYONE SHOWED AS MUCH INTEREST IN THE EFFECTS OF PEDOPHILIA ON
THE VICTIMS?)
(Part 2: More from Sexual Autobiography of Franciscan Pedophile
Priest, Robert Van Handel, actual Santa Barbara Story Part 8, Part 2)
"The brain scan was a fairly disturbing procedure, but the 32 clergy
patients at the hospital (St. Luke's is a psychiatric hospital) kept
assuring me that I would make it."
(HAS THE CHURCH EVER GOTTEN 32 VICTIMS TOGETHER IN GROUP THERAPY TO
THIS KIND OF EXTENT?
Has anyone anywhere ever paid this much attention to the crime
victims?
HAS ANYONE DONE RESEARCH ON WHAT THESE PRIESTS" CRIMES DID TO US?)
More:
"At the end of the week at St. Luke's my provincial flew out and
together we listened to the psychological and medical evaluation. At
this point I felt devastated. The psychiatrist emphasized the
seriousness of the problem, which he diagnosed as pedophilia, same
sex non-exclusive, and recommended that I begin treatment as soon as
possible. I remember one of the interviewing therapists reading a
summary of my life history. I was asked if I wanted to say anything.
"In an emotional outburst I said, 'I don't know how you can say those
things about my father. He's a very good man!
"Trying to calm me, she stated that she was only repeating
information I had given her.
"It was decided that in ten days I would return as a patient.
"I felt convicted and sentenced.
"My depression became more acute. I just wanted to die. On the six
hour flight back to San Francisco, I stared out the window and was
silent."
(I'M SORRY I HAVE TO INTERJECT HERE, DID ANYONE ELSE SEE THAT TUNNEL
VISION:
"I FELT CONVICTED AND DEVASTATED, ALL THE WAY BACK ON THE FLIGHT TO
SAN FRANCISCO"
Do you think they flew coach? What did he get to eat and drink from
then all the way to the provincial palace where he continued to be
well fed and tended)
More:
"St. Luke Institute was originally founded by a priest psychiatrist
to treat alcoholic clergy. When it became clear that there was a need
for treating sex addiction, the SLI adapted its program.
"It is well staffed and expensive. Generally the program lasts seven
months, but I was there for thirteen months."
(MAN, WHAT I COULD DO WITH THIRTEEN MONTHS OF IN HOUSE THERAPY.
or one month for that matter.
SEE WHY SURVIVORS ARE PISSED AT THE CHURCH?
None of us got treated anywhere near this good by anyone, anywhere.)
More:
"I had individual therapy twice a week, small group therapy, 8 men
and a therapist, three times a week. Large groups twice a week, and
then psychosocial and other plums thrown in at various times. There
were also educational features and workshops on eating disorders,
rational thinking, family dynamics, etc.
"Every night we went to a 12-step meeting. On weekends one could get
permission to go into Washington for the day.
"I became an expert tour guide of the Smithsonian Museum."
(DO TOURISTS IN D.C. HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW THESE GUYS ARE WANDERING
AROUND THE SMITHSONIAN? Why are they wandering around the
Smithsonian?)
More:
"I started the St. Luke's program feeling very miserable and quite
sure that if anyone should find out what I had done, I would be
ostracized.
"So I tried to say as little as possible. I spent a lot of time
reading novels."
BLAH-BLAH-BLAH LINES AND LINES one long paragraph of SELF INVOLVED
NAVEL GAZING Some quick cuts:)
"Afterwards the other patients greeted me with hugs."
"I just sobbed."
"Much less often did I slip into this extreme self-pity."
(AS A SURVIVOR, I CRIED EVERY DAY FROM 2006 TO 2009, EVERY DAY FOR
THREE YEARS straight, it's finally over by the way, DID PERMANENT EYE
DAMAGE
I've never gotten any help from the Church. )
More:
"I improved and became more active in the program."
"I felt safe because of the support of the institute."
"I started taking Depo-Provera injections. Anti-depressants.
"I had many crises as my conduct in Santa Barbara became more public,
but from each crisis, I recovered."
"The major crisis was when I was told that I had been on the front
page of the Santa Barbara paper. And that one of the victims had been
on television saying what I had done to him.
"I fell apart.
"Actually I went into a kind of trance. I just started at a blank
wall and didn't hear anything. My friends became alarmed and called
the duty nurse. Later my therapist asked me to please try not to have
a crisis at 10:30 PM on a Saturday night."
(CAN'T HELP BUT STOP HERE AND THINK OF THE LAST TIME I WAS
HOSPITALIZED L.A. County USC General Hospital sent me to one of their
psych places as I was going nuts ..., I didn't see a doctor for six
days, THEN MD GOT BACK FROM VACATION, AND ALL HE DID WAS RELEASE ME,
with bus fare home. I never got any treatment at all in the six days,
all the doc did was release me, no follow-up. Had to start writing
this blog to keep from going insane.
Again, I've never gotten any help from the Church. )
More:
"Connected with my public notoriety was what the church alls 'public
scandal'
"As a result my Provincial told me that I could not again function as
a Catholic priest.
"Although I knew this was coming, I was, and still am, devastated.
"When I realized that my case was becoming public, I decided that I
needed to tell my parents about the sexual acting out, about the
molestations, and also about the women. My mother was in stunned
silence. What happened next says a lot about my family. BLACKED OUT
sat with my mother who kept muttering that she couldn't understand
how I could do such things. Weren't priests given special graces so
that they had no sexual feelings? What had gone wrong.
(HUH? WEREN'T PRIESTS GIVEN SPECIAL GRACES SO THAT THEY HAD NO SEXUAL
FEELINGS?
Is that the Pap you guys have been believing all these years?
NO WONDER THIS HAPPENED.
Plus look at this hyper tunnel vision over-Catholicized reaction of
his father here:)
More:
"My dad marched into his room and said, 'I'm going to the store, does
anyone need anything from Safeway?' My sister asked if he had
understood what I had said. Dad said, 'You can't do anything about
that, it's all in God's hands.' Out to Safeway he went."
(OKAY, I gotta say this, to me this is very revealing. AND WHAT A COP
OUT. You don't have to feel anything, be responsible, take actions to
make up for my wrongs, you just give put it all in God's hands.
DO YOU REALLY THINK GOD WANTS YOUR PEDOPHILE SON, NO REPAIRS MADE? I
CAN'T HELP FEELING this misplaced mercy is the main reason all these
guys got away with pedophilia on the parish children for so long, and
if religious people want to just give the problem to God, pedophiles
and will probably get away with it among your priests again.
HONEST, I THINK GOD WOULD BE ANGRY IF YOU JUST LEFT THIS PROBLEM SIT
IDLE. And he just might smite the whole human race, considering how
disgusted as he could get.
Human beings created these crimes and the environment they thrived
in.
Humans have to stop turning the other way and take responsibility,
change the things in the church that allowed this behavior to thrive,
BUT THIS ATTITUDE THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING, just turn it
over to God? Not only are you thoughtlessly re-victimizing the
victims, but Jesus himself is probably turning over in his grave.)
More:
"And my therapist said, 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.'"
(NO, FATHER ROBERT, YOU DON'T GET TO PASS THE BUCK ON TO SOMEONE
ELSE, LIKE YOUR DAD)
"After seven months I graduated from the main program, (at St.
Luke's) but all concerned agreed that in many ways I had only just
scratched the surface of my search for self understanding.
(THIS GUY HAS TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS, make him get a job, and
support himself.)
"Things in Santa Barbara were still hot and I was in no rush to jump
into the caldron."
AFTER HE LEFT ST. LUKE'S.
"Arranged to meet with a therapist in San Jose."
"I left St. Luke's frightened of what lay before me but pleased with
the work I had done there.
"Upon viewing my old room at Berkeley, I was assigned A forensic
psychologist, who told me I would get group therapy for child
molesters instead of individual."
(I WONDER IF THEY SERVE COOKIES)
"I stared in disbelief.
"I told Tom that without a therapist I would self destruct, I
wouldn't make it. In my distress I felt I was being set up to fail, a
feeling that has arisen in various situations since.
"As I found out more about Pacific Treatment Center, I developed
reasons why I should not be involved.
"Then they said I could have my individual therapist as long as he
was in my small group. So I agreed to try PTA.
*****************
*(Reading these docs, it appears Robert Van Handel was in a state of
panicked penance when he allowed the Court to introduce the memoir
into public record, The "sexual autobiography" reveals so much to
this reader about the inner workings of the Catholic Church, the
environment that allowed this epidemic to flourish.)
(Probably writing the Sexual Autobiography is the best thing Fr.
Robert Van Handel ever did in his life.) Part 1 is here
(Actually this Santa Barbara Story Part 9, part 2, but who can keep
track of all this?)
Posted by city of angels lady at 10:35 AM
More at:
http://cityofangels8.blogspot.com/2010/01/pedophile-mind-as-sentencing-approaches.html
Jai Maharaj, Jyotishi
Om Shanti
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