Ajit ke phatte (Ajit's jokes)
Cricfan
I loved reading soc.culture.indian in the early 90's. The good old
days (tm) 1990-91 saw s.c.i as a forum for tremendous intellectual
growth inspite of many trollers. Since we did not have RMIM, RAMLI and
other fora, s.c.i had all sorts of posts. I particularly enjoyed the
series on Ajit jokes. In fact, they became so popular that a couple of
prominent magazines "filched" it from s.c.i.
Here are some of my favorites from the 1990-92 archives (some are
topical)...
I'll keep mailing more...
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Source: various
AJEET KE PHATTE ......
Robert (to Ajit): Bass, mujhe actor banna hai.
Ajit: Dilli ke laal kilay pe khade ho jao, Raabert Red-ford ban
jaoge.
-----
Ajit: Robert, isko Harshad Mehta poison pila do. Yeh GROWMORE
sey NO MORE ho jayega.
-----
Ajeet : Robert, isko CENTRIFUGE mein daal do. Paata chal jayega
ki chakkar kya hai.
-------
-----
Ajit is getting irritated by some classical music.
Ajit: Robert.
Robert: Yes boss?
Ajit : Is symphony ke conductor ko le aao.
(Robert comes back after some time)
Robert: Boss le aayaa.
Ajit : Ise kaat ke liquid nitrogen mein daal do.
Robert : Boss , lekin kyon.
Ajit: Saala conductor se semiconductor aur semiconductor se super
conductor
ban jayega.
-----
Aspirant : Ajit saab muje minister ban na hain
Ajeet : Roberrt
Robert : yess basss
Ajeet : ise maar ke file mein dal do , apne aap cabinet mein chala
jaye ga.
-----
"Peter, tum motor mein aao, maneckshaw tum rickshawmein aao,
mikael, tum sikael mein aao, aur han mona darling, tum nahaati raho"
-----
" Peter ko babysitter bhej do,
Tony ko pony pe bitha do,
Mack ko pack karlo,
Aur Mona Darling, Tum hume naach dikhaon."
-----
Ajeet: Maaikel, hamare mahmaan ke baayen haath mein citizen garhi
hai. Jaao uske daayen haath mein yeh HMT garhi baandh aao.
Robert : Pur baas kyon?
Ajeeit: Isse woh do(2) garhi kaa mahmaan ho jayega.
-----
setting: Boss ordering his chela to kill the enemy
Ajeet: "Raabert ise Pascal Poison pila do. Yeh begin se
end ho jayega."
Ajeet: "Raabert, ise hamlet poison pila do. Yeh "to_be" se
"not_to_be" ho jayega."
Ajeet : "Raabert, Isss Haramzaade ko liquid oxygen ke chamber mein
daaal dooo .... liquid isse jeene nahin dega....oxygen iisse
marne nahin dega..
Ajeet : "Raabert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal doo...
society isse jeene nahin degee...
security isse marne nahin degee.
Ajeet : "Raabert, Ise varnish mein daal do... mar bhi jayega,
finish bhi acchi aa jayegi.
Ajeet: "Michael, ise superconductor bana do.
ticket bechte bechte marega"
-----
Setting : Ajeet is planning some smooth opeartion (like smuggling gold
out)
Ajeet : "Raabert, tum aaj raat warsova beach wale flat pe maikil aur
Peetar ke saath daimonds leke aa jana. Aaj ka code hei -
black
cobra. Aur wheel powder lana mat bhoolna !"
Lily(baffled a bit) : " Magar boss, wheel powder kisliye ? "
Ajeet: " Badi bholee ho ! safai wheel powder se hee aati hei.
Aur ek baat dhyan se suno :- Is se haath bhee nahin jalte !"
-----
Sona
-----
Ajit: "peter, tum jaake sona laayo"
Peter: "sir, headache hai"
Ajit: "Head ek ho ya do, tumhe jaana hi padega".
-----
Michael: "Sir, sona kahan hai?"
Ajit: "kahin bhi so jayo, hamhe kya parva?"
Ajeet: Itni saari jagaha padi hai, kahin bhi so jaao!
-----
Raabert:"Baas bass, sona kahan hai?"
Ajeet: (taking out his gun) "Le, ham abhi tujhe jindagi bhar ke liye
sula dete hain"
-----
Raabert:"Baas bass, sona kahan hai"
Ajeet :"Abhi weh hamare bathroom mein naha rahi hai?"
-----
Ajit: Mona, tum Tony ke saath mat jao.
Mona(perplexed): Pur boos, kyon ?
Ajit: Tum jaogi, to Monatony ho jaegi.
-----
Ajeet: Mikael, suna hai tumhari beti aajkal javan ho chali hai?!!
Mike: Haan hujoor lekin voh to bechari goongi hai.
Ajeet: Haan Haan! hame kaun sa Ramayana padhvana hai!!!!!
-----
Sylvia- Boss, Michael ne phir se mission fail kar diya.
Ajeet: Haan Haan! hamne to pahle hi kaha tha, use gaay ki khal pahana
kar
mat bhejo.
Dekha na use raste me do saand mil gaye!
-----
Setting : Ajeet's smuggled goods have been captured
Ajeet : "Peetar, Tum scootar pe jaao !"
"Maikil, Tum caicil pe jaao !"
Tony, tum pony pe jaao,
Saar, tum car pe jao,
" Mona Daarling, tum figure skating karti raho !"
Mei paidal aata hoon....
-----
Ajeet sends Robert on some errand, with the following directions :
"Raabutt,.....................................
............................................. (censored)
laout-te samay Bank of Patiala loot lena,
markit me chillar ki kami hai.
-----
Why did George Bush invade Panama?
Ajeet: Heinh, heinh, heinh, Noriega bans na bajegi bansuri!!!!
Ajeet in US
What would Ajeet say if he was the US President (on capturing Noriega
)
" Saale ko khub maro, saala Manual se Automatic ho jayega."
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Cheers
Arun