70s Reviews -- Bucky Beaver's Dragon Art Theatre Triple XXX Double Features, vol 25
12-stringer
Triple XXX Rated Storefront Shorts
Another entry in SWV's collection of porn from the very early 70s, this tape
is a compilation of short subjects, all dating from c1970/71. All have sync
sound, plus occasional use of pirated commercial music. Note up front that
the principal appeal here is to those with historical interest in early US
porn films. Casual strokers will find little of direct utility.
Double Header (abt 21 minutes) 2M/F
Two average guys in a motel room (one with a mustache, the other with
shoulder-length hippie hair and a wedding ring) spot a Freep ad for
Rent-a-Girl service (853-1212, if you're interested), and give it a try. A
moment later they're joined by a chunky blonde in a blue microdress, whose
panties and plump thighs we examine while she mounts the stairs to their
front door. A good bit of chat. One of the guys gets her out of her knickers
while she's still on the couch, and then both guys strip. The longhair
introduces her to Oscar. She gets naked and we all notice she's a natural
blonde. (They talk about that, too.) She's pushing if not a little past 30,
ordinary-looking but not unattractive, with an OK personality. She's also a
great piece of ass, or so the guys keep telling her. The dialogue seems
improvised, with frequent lulls in inspiration.
They take turns fucking her, sometimes one in the mouth and one in the pussy
simultaneously. She requests a double, and the mustache guy goes in her
ass. The hippie attempts a DP and may manage a stroke or two but no more,
despite the box copy which plays up the alleged DP content. Cut to anal fuck
in RAC while the hippie fingers her pussy. She remarks a time or two that
she really loves it up the ass. She switches to regular CG and takes it back
up the pussy, pumping hard with her rather broad butt. The mustache guy
pants heavily, and a closeup eventually shows us his dick squirting with the
tip just slightly inside the crack of her pussy. She finishes the hippie by
jacking him into her face. Got to go; she has other appointments, so she
slithers into her panties. They are tight and there's a bit of roll showing
over the top, but she's not fat, just natural-looking. The guys tell her
again that she's a pretty good piece of ass. Somewhere else in the motel
room where this was filmed we hear a baby crying. From the chunky look of
her midsection, it may well be hers. Onscreen chemistry suggests that if
either of the guys is her old man, it's the hippie.
She's a plainish but fairly spirited blonde with a reddish beaver, who can
talk and fuck at the same time, and she seems quite cheerful the whole
session. Her false eyelashes look kinda silly now, but we thought those were
hot-looking back in 1970. The sex is graphic but not especially erotic;
they're just making some dope and rent money and goofing on the experience.
Dialogue, lots of it, with some nondescript background music. Rating: **
(out of ****).
Wet Glaze (abt 21 mins) 2F
Two adorable hippie chicks, a short brunette and a tall redhead, sit on a
bed and look at photos from the brunette's recent road trip. They talk
incessantly throughout the program, realistic-inane conversation which
sounds mostly improvised albeit probably from a scenario. The brunette
sounds exactly like Susan Hart, from the 80s. During her road trip she got
picked up by a woman, and something sexual happened, though it takes a while
to say so. The redhead is shyly curious in that direction. "I like to ...
look at girls," she confesses. She's attracted to her friend. The brunette
feels her a little, and encourages the redhead to stroke her thighs. "I
think I know why boys like girls so much," the redhead says wonderingly.
They talk about kissing before they get to doing it, and they seem to enjoy
it when they do. The redhead loses her shirt and they talk about how nice it
is to have tits that don't sag too much while they're feeling each other's.
The brunette goes to nipple sucking on the redhead. There is a lot of this,
with closeups of nipples hardening between lips and a good bit of chatter.
They seem very comfortable with one another. No hurry, they agree, since
they don't have to worry about keeping a bone up -- yet another advantage to
m.o. with girls! There is a sublime moment, which looks unscripted, when the
brunette raises her face from the nipple she's been sucking, strokes the
redhead's hair as if her life depends on it, then plants a big one on her.
The pace is very slow, with lots of talk, lots of GK, lots of nipple
sucking, as the brunette warms up the redhead. In the distance we hear a dog
barking ("Someone's jealous," the brunette ad-libs, but no, it's not that
kind of movie!), and sometimes there are airplane noises. The brunette eats
the redhead, to an alleged orgasm, and then the redhead returns the favor.
Lingus is not simu, but not especially gyno, and both seem pretty into it.
No dildos or even finger insertions, just a cute, warm, m.o. session
stressing kisses rather than cunts, between a couple of totally sweet hippie
peaches. No musical score, just girl talk. A truly wonderful short, this
looks as if it was made in San Francisco about 1970 by a director with
art-film aspirations. I've seen the redhead in an extensive G/G photo
session of the period, but she's cuter here. Rating: an easy **** (out of
****).
Drop-In (abt 15 mins) M/F
Pretty minor hardcore short. Very cute young wife type with touseled black
hair, in shortie robe, no shoes or panties, has just moved into a new pad
and essays cleaning up her cluttered kitchen. She shoots us a hairy beaver
while rummaging under the sink. Shaggy but clean-looking hippie guy, with
sideburns, arrives to check out her new digs. "How ya doing?" "Not too
groovy," she replies. She gropes him a little in the kitchen, then gives him
a tour of the bedroom, which mostly checks out the mattress. She lies atop
him, with her shortie robe up and his hands all over her pale buttocks,
splitting her crack, his fingers inside her pussy. Color is not great and
bleaches out the skin tones. She overacts a little, being groped and then
eaten, but she's kinda pretty doing it, and there really aren't enough
facial shots of her in the film as a whole. He loses his bells and paisley
shirt, tussles with her on the bed, and fucks her in several positions. His
dick keeps slipping out. The sheetless bed squeaks and rocks under them.
She has a wedding ring but he doesn't. Best shots show her riding him RCG,
where you can see her intense face and small tits. The last footage has him
dogging her while she lies on her belly, but when the CU cum shot is spliced
in, it's in mish. That's all. The dialogue is in the setup, and pretty brief
there; it's mostly moaning and groaning after that. No blowjob footage at
all, and the sex is fairly vanilla though they look into it. The color has
shifted a bit, the setups are too often poorly chosen, and there's no
musical score in this San Francisco pic from abt 1969/1970. Rating: *1/2
(out of ****) -- reluctantly, considering how peachy I find her.
Lady on Top (abt 30 mins) M/2F
The last time I saw this was in 1975 at the Art Cinema Today in Pittsburgh,
on a triple bill with other short features called The Love Dance and
Thrilling Drilling. Original running time was abt 40-45 minutes, of which at
least 10 minutes (including the ending!) are missing in the SWV release.
This film dates from 1971 and is an early NY-made hardcore.
We open on a rooftop, with plainjane Sandy King posing disconsolately. She
plays Lisa, a lonely office girl, and intros us in V.O. She has a very nice,
well-modulated voice, reads dialogue well, and has speech patterns a little
like Woody Allen's. Not especially pretty but sincere-looking, with a lean,
small-breasted, long-legged body, she might have at least auditioned for
off-off-Broadway but is making a $ doing some porn. She joins guitar-toting
Bob, who is trolling from a park bench. They talk about how she eats her
lunch late so she can catch the evening train home and find a seat. He
offers to sing her a song, and performs a modern ballad which sounds a lot
like "If (a Picture Paints a Thousand Words)" from Bread. Shot from behind
so you can't see that he doesn't know the first thing about playing a
guitar. She's apparently never heard it before, so her radio must be broken.
He takes her back to his place for more music, offers to do Mendelssohn's
guitar piece, and starts groping her as soon as she turns her back. She's in
modest hot pants, kneehigh stockings, and a little sweater with no bra. She
resists, but he gets her out of her pants and starts sucking her nipples.
She loses her sweater and shows nice small tits. Bob joins her naked on the
bed and goes down on her. More of Lisa on the rooftop, musing about it all
in V.O. He slides her around into a male-sup 69 and she sucks his dick. This
is scored to a guitar band version of "Sitting on Top of the World" (the one
by the Mississippi Sheiks). Closeups of him tonguing a reddish-haired pussy
(or maybe it's just the color separation). Humongous closeups of a stiff
dick fucking an orange-lipped mouth. Closeups, from a couple of inches away,
of a fair cum shot onto the tongue and chin. He then fucks her doggie,
though we don't see an actual penetration performed on her. The closeups are
tight and anal, with reddish pubic hair; in the side shots where penetration
is only sort of visible, it looks like vaginal. The longer shots showing
their faces don't show anything but hard humping. A load is squirted onto a
pale ass.
More V.O.; they've moved in together. Fast worker, this guy. Lisa's GF
Heather, a minidressed reddish brunette with a 60s model face and a UK
accent, visits, and Lisa tells her about meeting this "lovely, lovely
fellow" (yeah, that's what she says), who played her 3 or 4 songs on his
guitar and made love to her. Heather warns her that love is a fragile reed.
"Men are all bastards; you can't trust any of them." She does an aborted
come-on to Lisa, whose no-bra nips are quite strokable under her t-shirt but
who isn't up for that GK stuff. Later, Heather comes by for a visit while
Lisa is out, and the swine Bob wastes no time whatever. He wrestles her onto
the couch, feels her up, gets her out of her dress (she has the only bra
featured on this tape). She resists, but goes down on him and does a pretty
fair job of mouthfucking his cock, sometimes in big CU -- during which she
takes an OCS. Bob then fucks her, looks mostly like anal (and this may be
the source of the anal fuck footage during his sequence with Lisa, earlier,
as the pussyhair is identical). He squirts on her butt. Van Morrison sings
while they're fucking, but he probably doesn't know about it. Lisa comes in
with groceries, finds Bob and Heather sprawled naked on the sofa; she's
pretty pissed about it. Bob wants her to join them for a 3-some, and urges
Heather to help convince her. "You're right," she tells Heather, "they are
all bastards," before an awkward GK. She knows the scene, she's been through
this before. Stripping out of her shirt to pointy-nippled tits, she starts
some serious GK on Heather, looking over to ask Bob, "Does this excite you?"
Obviously does; he slips her hot pants down but leaves the stockings on, and
she and Heather keep on sucking face.
And this is where the goddamned movie stops! My memory is that a 3-some
followed, but all I can remember clearly of the film is that we had more
footage of Lisa atop the building with existential V.O., and then a shot of
the empty rooftop which implied that she has considered all the options
available in her shitty life and jumped off. (It seems to me there is some
other footage missing as well, perhaps largely non-sex, as I think I
remember more of them in the park.)
Cast is presentable. Sandy King is far from pretty but has a cute and
flattering shag and a sincere attitude that makes her appealing. Her body is
understated. Heather is a 1971 hottie with an excellent natch bod, somewhat
broad in the ass but that really is the way God makes women. Either Bob is a
shrimp or both girls are fairly tall. With better direction, not to mention
a slightly larger budget, this could have made a decent feature. The
presentation would have been much better had SWV not chosen to clip the
ending. (They really should have deferred "Drop-In" to another tape or else
put this film on one of their double feature tapes.) Rating: in this print,
barely ** (out of ****). I rated the original *** back in 1975 and liked the
two women well enough that I would probably give it the same again if it
were complete, even though the sex is nothing special and the staging
rudimentary.
unidentified featurette (abt 30 mins), 4F/4M
No title card on this short feature, but it's labeled as "Best Friends" on
the front cover. The title makes no sense in the story context. The only
performer I recognize is Gilda Grant (aka Sonny Boyd -- SWV usually bills
her as Eve Orlon). Her presence suggests a date of c1971 for the film.
We cut abruptly from the last frames of "Lady on Top" to a pair of blondes
naked on a bed and playing with a dildo. Both are in their mid-20s (playing
high school girls) and both look like they're wearing wigs. The platinum,
with straight hair, rubs her crack with the dildo, makes shallow
penetration. She offers it to the other, with a champagne fall, who says
she's too dry. So the first blonde goes down on her and moistens her up.
Conversation reveals that they are sisters and that one has been fucking
their brother Tommy. Editing is choppy but they eat one another and then the
plat blonde gets vibratored to a fake orgasm. An elevator version of
"Galveston" plays on the soundtrack. The girls do some passionate GK and
pussy fondling.
Abrupt cut to a family dinner table, with Dad, brother Tommy, and the two
blondes. Tommy needs the car for his date with that hot-pants daughter of
Jim Butler. Dad grabs a quick feel up the skirt of the younger blonde, who
chides him for it. Cut to Dad dozing on the couch despite a muzak "MacArthur
Park," and the two blondes head for bed, where they plan to have a chat with
their "friend." Abrupt cut to them sharing a dildo, with "MacArthur Park"
still playing. Obviously this is where the opener footage actually belongs,
in the context of the film.
Dad invades the bedroom without warning. "What the hell are you two young
cunts doing with that fake dildo? I just don't understand why nice looking
girls are settling for that fake prick up your young twats." Dad is a
mustached guy who doesn't look much older than the daughters. He spanks the
plat blonde a couple of whacks, switches to stroking her pussy through the
buttcrack, turns her over, deeply fingers her and licks her, then puts her
to sucking his dick while he eats the other one. Turns out he's not really
their father; he married their mother after their real dad was killed in
Cuba, 10 years ago (which suggests a c1971 date for the film). But Mom
walked out on them last year. Oh, well, that makes it all OK. Lots of
"Please, Daddy, don't make us do this ... " kind of dialogue for those who
love it. "MacArthur Park" is still playing. (The bridge in this version must
run 15 minutes.) He fucks the younger blonde and cums on her belly. Her face
is usually out of frame. At least they've changed the song, to something
with repetitious doodley piano. The blondes GK while Dad fingers the one he
just fucked. But he tells them they should get some sleep, since they have
to go to school in the morning. Obviously this puts him into the
compassionate stepfather class.
Another abrupt cut, to the two blondes smoking and yakking at the table. Now
the background muzak is "This Guy's in Love With You." (Bring back
"MacArthur Park.") He's not really their dad, they re-establish, and anyway,
he fucks better than their brother. They're going to have some friends in
for a party. One might be a good fuck for Daddy, since brother has already
tried her out. The friends arrive, and miniskirted, booted Sybil, a short
20ish brunette with a somewhat big ass, is introduced to Daddy. Gilda Grant,
in a sheer black floor length dress with nothing underneath, and one blonde
dance with brother Tommy to an instrumental of "Come See About Me" -- chintz
rock style, not Motown. Cut to the plat blonde sucking Gilda's b.f. on the
floor, the other blonde with no pants, getting her pussy stroked and
fingered by another guy on one couch, and Gilda Grant blowing Tommy on the
other couch. This must be the extended dance remix of "Come See." The
platwig blonde provides a popsicle BJ that's kind of cute. Cut to Dad, in
another room with Sybil, who thinks he's "really something for an older
man." He gets her out of her red panties, but not the black boots, and licks
her hairy pussy. "Oh, Daddy, do it," she chirps, stroking his hair, but
she's not even his stepdaughter. Jesus, is that a Muzak version of the theme
to "True Grit"? (Talk about elevator hell.) Gilda gets fucked, RCG, by the
guy the plat blonde was blowing, but the actual penetration is mostly just
outside the frame and we only see her riding. The older blonde gets licked
and fingered. (In this cut, she doesn't do any authentic boy-girl HC except
for receiving oral.) The younger blonde keeps on lickin'; whether she's
also tickin' is anybody's bet. Her story brother, who's on the receiving
end, seems to enjoy it. Everyone is naked now, and somebody says something
on the order of "You do it great," partly lost to a splice, and then it's an
abrupt cut to THE END title and SWV's trailer material.
Film has the feel of a longer production, cut down drastically, since there
is so much backstory implied and so many loose ends. But did it go out
theatrically like this, or has SWV trimmed it for issuance on this tape?
(Cf Rotsler's early 70s article, "Fragments of Porno," in AFW, where he
describes numerous films of just this sort, which were being shown in all
their nonsequitur glory at the fleapits of the time.) Rating: ** (out of
****). Better setups, and perhaps a fuck on big-ass, booted Sybil, would
have helped this considerably.
SWV is to be congratulated for resurrecting so many long-unseen films of the
earliest days of hardcore (not to mention softcores which frequently drift
across the line), but I wish they did not have so heavy a hand in the
editing department -- sometimes, but not always, guided by the limitations
of a T-120.
Note to IAFD: the film "Lady On Top" has a database entry, though misdated
to 1980 instead of 1971. This review would be appropriately linked to that
entry.
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