Fire Down Below - Review w/ Spoilors
Mark Towler
Ok, I have to let you know right off the bat that I despise Seagal. He
can't act, he's ugly as a decomposing rat, he's a complete greaseball and I
don't have a lot of respect for his martial arts ability. Now, before I get
six million flames telling me how skilled he is, let me elaborate: I'm well
aware that he is an extremely skillfull aikido master. It's just that he
makes this admirable art (I've dabbled in it myself) seem incredibly boring
in movies. Bruce Lee made the most of his spectacular moves and showcased
them beautifully in the movies. Even Van Damme (who's repitoire seems to be
limited to four or five good kicks) looks better when fighting on screen.
It's not even worth mntioning Jackie Chan. Again, don't get me wrong - this
has nothing to do with aikido or Seagals skill therein. I was taught by a
fiftie-ish woman who was VERY traditional in her training style. Her breif,
to-the-point demonstrations of various moves were invariably more graceful
and dramatic than Stevie's - and this from a woman who disdained any form
of theatricalism. So, believe me when I say I respect Seagal's level of
skill; I just find him the least interesting martial artist of all time to
watch.
/end rant mode
Anyway, on to FDB. Despite my disdain for SS, ths is not his worst movie
(that's probalby Glimmer Man which I will go to my death not having seen,
God wililng). The plot is pretty ridiculous (what'd you expect?) - SS goes
down to Kentucky to stop an evil mine owner (Kris Kristofferson if you can
believe it) from storing toxic waste in his old mine. Now, I knew I was in
trouble right at the start of this movie. First, Steve's boss at the EPA
gives him the background to this case: four agents have goin in to
investigate, and all of them have been killed in mysterious ways. Do the
feds go in with a big investigation? Hell no, they send in one more guy to
go solo and get greased. Of course, Steve's to tough to get killed....
One irritating factor - in flashbacks it is indicated that the last agent
to get taken out mysteriously was Steve's buddy at the EPA. So there's a
revenge thing here, right? Wrong. This guy never comes up again and is
conveniently forgotten by the end of the movie. Whatever....
So, of course, Stevie's big problem is getting them closed-mouthed mountain
folk to talk about the bad'uns. None of them would ever talk to a stranger,
despite the fact that they're dirt poor, could use some reward money and
their children are all dying of mysterious rashes caused by toxic seepage.
Ok, they ARE dumb hillbillies. Steve doesn't make it any easier for himself
either. He's supposed to be a carpenter working for some sort of Christian
volunteer agency. This isn't too bad a cover, actually - he can go around
fixing people's porches for free and chat with them as well. Of course, SS
walks around in this ridiculous technicolour leather dreamcoat and his
customary black clothing. He doesn't stick out like a sore thumb - he
sticks out like a sore ARM. I spent most of the movie laughing at the image
of SS in his pimp outfit pretending to fix some yokel's steps while the
native is standing there in his overalls and union suit. My God, is the guy
that blind?
If so, he's not the only one - the bad guys are so blatant that they
airlift the toxic waste in by helicopter at night - lots of men shouting
orders, trucks, helicopters, bright lights, etc. All happening on a
mountain that dominates the scenery. you'd think one idiot with a camera
could have cracked this case in half an hour.
Anyway, Steve gets to pound a couple of locals who are set on him by the
crooked sherrif. This happens almost 50 minutes into the film and is almost
the first fight scene. I say almost, because the first fight happens when
he stumbles onto some hillbillies pot field and has to defend himself. The
first scene is so unreleated to the rest of the story it's obviously been
tacked on by some (relativlely intelligent) producer who realized that SS
fans want to see at least SOME fighting within the first 45 mins.
The plot is needlessly complex and pretty ridiculous. Suffice to say that
Steve beats up a whole lot of people and sees justice done. However, there
are a few points that really stick out in my memory:
Kristofferson's moron son who (despite fucking up EVERYTHING) is left to
figure out how to deal with SS on his own.
The same idiot betraying his father and spilling his guts to the law after
SS slaps him gently. Twice.
The good ol boys who keep trying to jump SS even after they've seen him
beat up all their friends without breaking a sweat.
Stevie-boys unbelievable coats - you really have to see them to appreciate
how incredibly stupid they are.
Steve trying to explain a Zen riddle to a hillbilly (I kid you not).
Steve showing up for carpentry work in black jeans, black leather boots,
black collarless shirt and 3/4 length black leather coat with multicoloured
vertical stripes (I just cn't get away from the coat - you have to see it).
Steve trying to act and failing.
Steve pretending to play the guitar with the hick band (Ok, I've been told
he really can play, but what he was playing was NOT matching the
soundtrack).
The incredibly modern facilities in this town. For example, the main street
looks like something out of the Waltons home town, but Steve is able to go
to a surprisingly modern library and check out 16 year old records of the
town newspaper (!?) on microfilm (?!?!?!). He also takes a friend to a
surprisingly modern hospital.
Steve outrunning (and looking as graceful as an elephant with a poker up
his ass) the mining cave in.
Steve arresting the baddy and turning him over to his FBI friends. Of
course, the baddy has a holdout gun and pulls it on the FBI agent, shooting
him. Steve pulls his gun and nails the baddy in the shoulder. He then has
a little chat with the bleeding baddy, and then walks away. AT NO POINT
DOES HE BOTHER TO CHECK ON HIS FBI FRIEND WHO IS EITHER DEAD OR BLEEDING
THREE FEET AWAY!!!
Steve finding anything at all atractive about the female lead.
The brother of the same female lead. Ok, his character and acting are
pretty awful, but what really cracked me up was his enormous belt buckle...
The truck vs truck scene. Maybe someone can shed some light on this: a Mack
truck (full rig) tries to run down a 50's dodge pickup. Now, I know the
truck has way more power and can certainly run down the pickup, but
wouldn't it be awfully easy for the pickup to outmaneuver the rig? Even an
old 50's model? Plus, how can the rig catch up to the pickup while they're
both going uphill? most trucks need to seriously shift down while climbing
mountains, I thought. Finally, would you try to run down a more
maneuverable vehicle with a rig at high speeds on a twisting mountain road?
Sounds a little risky to me.
Stevie's trick shooting with the flare. I mean, please - the coat is
ridiculous enough. Do you really have to strain my suspension of disbelief
any further?
The gawdawful country music.
Ok, having said all this, I need to make a few qualifications. This was not
an entirely bad movie. The plot was overly complex, but at least it WAS
complex. Most action flicks are moronically simple, but this one provided
enough plot so that the (amazingly) long plotting scenes weren't
intolerable. The dialogue was also excellent. Oh, Stevie-boy still can't
act and his delivery is horrible, but the writing is leaps and bounds
beyond any of his old films. This made the film tolerable during the boring
parts. Here are some other highlights:
The best damn truck-falling-off-a-mountain scene I have ever seen. This
makes the scenes in Licence to Kill look pathetic. Very well done.
Kris whaling on his cellphone with a golf club.
Kris's gambling buddy wishing him "good luck with this incredibly large
gentleman" and then getting the hell out of there before SS beats on him
too.
Randy Travis being shot.
Randy Travis being shot REALISTICALLY. I've seen this done very seldom in
movies, and done well even more rarely. Real pro's know that most walls
will NOT stop a bullet and don't stop shooting at their target when it
jumps out of sight behind drywall. When your target runs behind a wall, you
quickly figure how fast he's moving and put a bullet in the wall where you
think he should be. Arnold did it in Terminator (with a little thermal
imaging help) and SS does it here. It's nice to see a little realism.
Speaking of realism, Kris going to court on charges of toxic waste dumping
and walking out with a $50,000 fine. I had to laugh.
The proctology line. This was the first decent "cool threat to the bad guy"
I've ever seen Steve pull off. Again, kudos to the writers - his acting
still sucked.
Steve's little story about Tyrone while arresting Kris at the end. Not as
good as the proctology line, but fun nonetheless.
Final verdict: Not as bad as most SS flicks, but less action than most.
Fans will enjoy it, and those who go just to see the fights will be able to
stand it due to the unprecedented quality of the writing (note - this
doesn't mean particularly GOOD writing, just better than every other SS
movie). Again, Steve fails to impress me as an action start, but what the
hell - he hits a lot of people and they fall down bleeding. What more do
you want?
I got in on a free ticket, so it was worth the time I spent - if only to
see the coats (man I can't get over those horrible coats!). I wouldn't
spend the $8 CAN it would cost to see it in the theatre, but it's a decent
late-night rental with the guys. Overall, 1 star out of five on the
standard movies scale and 2.5 greaseballs out of five on the ridiculous
action movie scale.
Have fun.
Mark Towler
(comments welcome, opinions listened to and responded to, flames laughed at
ignored)
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David Nusair
Man, you hit the nail right on the head with this one! I especially liked
your comments about Stevie's "technicolor leather dreamcoat". Very well
written piece.
Having said that, I'd just like to mention that you forgot my favorite
subplot. That whole thing with the Sarah character and her brother.
Seriously, if you couldn't figure that one out, get a new hobby.
Dave Nusair dnu...@chat.carleton.ca
.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,
;Rev. Jerry Falwell urged General Motors, Chrysler and Johnson & ;
:Johnson to withdraw their sponsorship of the April 30 episode of :
;ELLEN, in which Ellen declares her homosexuality. And in a similar ;
:vein, Falwell also threatened to boycott Johnson & Johnson unless they :
;change their name to Johnson & Vagina. -Dennis Miller ;
.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,
I'm good enough, but I'm not there. I'm good enough, but I don't care.
The sun is out, but I'm not there. -Smashing Pumpkins, "Ugly".
Alex Crouvier
AS if there are any spoilers in a Seagal movie.
Alex
Scott Maynard
In article <34113B...@geocities.com>, troj...@geocities.com wrote:
>AS if there are any spoilers in a Seagal movie.
>
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>
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>
>
>Alex
Was it only the copy I saw or was the editing in FDB incredibly bad. I saw the
microphones in at least 8 shots and in some of the scenes the peoples chins
were cut off.
T nolan
On5 Sep 1997 14:51:40 GMT, "Mark Towler"
<mark_towler@(spamless)nt.com> wrote:
Yep, they dont get much worse than "Fire Down Below" with Steven
"Fatboy" Seagal (and, man, has he put on weight too)
Anyone who spends good money on this piece of trash would have to be
considered a die-hard Seagal fan.
My advice ? See another film......*any* other film !!
What a waste of time. No more Seagal films for me, period.
My .02 cents