The IF-Chive (&) Volume 2, Edition 1
J. D. Berry
A transcript from "Interview with the Old-Skool Vampire"
"She slept in my coffin at first, curling her little fingers round my
hair, till the day came when she wanted one of her own."
# x fingers
I don't see that here.
# get hair
I don't see that here.
# ask vampire about coffin
"I don't know anything about that."
# show vampire stake, holy water and cross
The vampire doesn't seem interested.
"More melancholy nonsense. I swear you grow more like Louis every day,
soon you'll be eating rats! Rats? When did you eat rats Louis?"
# yesterday
I don't recognize that verb.
# x me
As good-looking as ever.
# get rats
I don't see that here.
# xyzzy
A hollow voice says, "Ravenloft."
"Lestat killed two, sometimes three a night. A fresh young girl--that was
his favorite for the first of the evening. For seconds he preferred a
gilded youth. But the snob in him loved to hunt in society. And the
blood of the aristocrat thrilled him best of all."
# x girl
Fresh.
# x youth
Gilded.
# drink blood
I don't recognize that verb.
# suck blood
I don't recognize that verb.
# eat blood
You aren't holding the blood.
# get blood
Don't be ridiculous.
# take lestat
Wrong way around. He takes you.
*** You have died ***
##
Cerberus bites Prometheus
##
"Bring your child to your IF workstation day" a rousing success
If you heard a little more typing yesterday, that wasn't your imagination.
That was the sound of more IF commands and routines being typed in.
Around the country, yesterday, children ages 3 - 9 entered the dens and
studies of their IF author and player parents to experience IF life
for themselves firsthand.
According to the founder of this day, Maggie Schultz, "The purpose of
this program is to provide exposure and encouragement. Kids get to see
what actually goes on in a real IF environment and, hopefully, they
like what they see. Our motto is 'kids of today are the Xyzzy winners of
the tomorrow.'"
Based on the samplings of comments heard, the conclusion must surely be
that the day was a complete success.
From authors:
-- "Arrrrrgh. *&(^)% address problems, again."
-- "Watch this, son, as I add SYNONYMS. They are critical to the
player's ultimate enjoyment of the game."
-- "I have no ideas. I have no ideas. I have no ideas."
-- "It must be this *&(^!$@ interpreter..."
To players:
-- "Whaddya mean I forgot the teapot in chapter one and now I need
it to get past the librarian? *(&! this game."
-- "I don't get it."
-- "It must be this *&(^!$@ interpreter..."
To the little ones themselves:
-- "I wanna play Rudolph's Sleigh Ride. Can I play Rudolph, now? Can I?
Pleaaaaaaase."
-- "I gotta go potty."
-- "This sucks big time. I'll be playing my Game Boy if you need me."
-- "I'm hungry!"
-- "What does that word mean that Mister Makane said? Why's he doing
that?"
-- "g... e... t... <space> s... o... r... d... <return> Ohhhh...
I meant to type sword. I give up."
-- "It must be your *&(^!$@ interpreter..."
##
Beta-tester likes game he beta-tested
##
Author appeals one-star rating in BAF's Guide
Unfortunately, the board is having trouble reading the formal appeal.
They cite the document's horrible command of the English language,
its lack of understanding of what an appeal is, and, in general, its
just being dumb. It is unintentionally funny, though.
Chive's guess as to the board's final decision? Skip.
##
IF-a-Day calendars cancelled
##
Copyright thread sheds new light, yet never fails to entertain
By Joe Sarcastic, Staff Writer
You've seen it all before, right? Wrong. The latest copyright
thread on the newsgroup is something special to behold. Each of
its 87 articles not only bear serious scrutiny and certainly deserve
permanent archival, but frankly they're just plain fun.
Yeah, yeah, you say. You know the routine. A simple question
regarding the use of something famous for a work of fiction. A reply
stating it's probably OK, I mean why not? A harsh "I'll tell you why
not." A "yeah, but it's just freeware IF, not getting in anyone's
way." A long discourse on legal precedent. A long rant on artistic
property. A rationalization of how these things actually help the
artist. A long story on someone who really got in trouble from all of
this.
Well, THIS time, my friends, it's different. I shant spoil any of the
experience, but I invite you to check this thread out for yourself.
If you don't come away with your soul enlightened, your spirits lifted
and your funny bone tickled, then you must be a burned-out cynic.
Even a discussion of whether graphics belong in interactive fiction
won't help you.
Hot-key, not tab, to your nearest newsreader.
--
JDB