The IF-Chive (&) Volume 2, Edition 2

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J. D. Berry

Jan 28, 2002, 2:04:41 PM1/28/02
Xyzzy voting deemed a "popularity contest"

Just like high school class officer elections, the games that everyone
likes rake in the votes. Those that aren't, don't.

The smart, fun, beautiful games sit there ever so smugly. They already
know they're getting nominated. Meanwhile, the games that have had little
work put into their appearances and that have had no concerns about being
fun to be around get dissed. You know, it figures.

This trend seems to have carried over into the Archive downloads. The
ugly games sit at home on the archive, waiting for that call that rarely
if ever comes. If it does come, it's to be asked about the homework
assignment and then erased from memory.

Nothing of interest found under couch

Navigation system in Apollo 11 lunar module revealed a Z-abuse

"[The] System held up pefectly, but it was no text adventure." --
N. Armstrong

"The eagle has landed... for 25 points." -- B. Aldrin

Narrative/Crossword peace-talks at impasse

Home-brewed parser exactly that

Frank White combined hops, malt, honey and code to form a
richly-tokenized, yet fully-drinkable parser that satisfies on the first
pass and every pass. He calls it Frank's Winter Parser, and we think
you'll agree he has it down cold.

With all the beer and libraries out there, it may seem like a waste of
time to brew your own. But once you've tried Frank's home-brew, its
intoxicating syntax will win you over. There are algorithms here the
big boys simply can't match.

Frank's Winter Parser. We call it delicious.exe, and so will your save
dialog box by default.

The phone finally ring

Unreliable narrator enters re-hab

Call it naive misperception or deliberate deceit, but the unreliable
narrator has called it quits. Yesterday, he was admitted to the Saint
Faulkner Clinic and will undergo its 8-step program for the Dispossessed
Literati. This marks the end of the narrator's nearly 10-year stint of
story misdirection and inaccuracy.

Unlike most new patients, the unreliable narrator was available for
comment. He referred to the clinic as "a hell-hole where the staff are
clearly out to get me. If I can escape, I must do so at first
opportunity. Surely, you are sympathetic to my plight? Surely..." at
this, he was sedated and carted away.

Resident doctor Jonas Bolton explained the treatment. "Well, we don't
do group therapy, obviously. We work one-on-one in a calm, objective
environment. We remove motives, perceptions and associations. Think
Ayn Rand on Prozac.

At each step, we review the previous ones by putting them together in
story form. This reinforcement assists the patient's recovery but also
serves as an evaluation tool. If the patient distorts the previous
steps, we know it's time for reconditioning.

This all works perfectly, because we're following a scientific approach
here. I think you'll agree, as any intelligent person would. Would you
hand me that tranquilizer, please?"


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