How do you pick partners at dances
avid_...@uymail.com
what measures would one take to increase the odds of being asked, if
one is not inclined to ask? Is leader-ask-follower still the norm at
the dances you attend? Do followers (or leaders) resent having to sit
around, perhaps because of the gender ratio or the "competition?"
Is the process random or calculated? Any good stories?
I'm pretty bad at getting to the person I "want" to dance with for a
given dance, but have often been very pleasantly surprised by the
random partner I end up with.
Icono Clast
> How do dancers choose who to ask for the next dance at a social?
That's a b-i-i-i-g subject.
Aside from those I know with whom I want, or feel obligated, to dance,
I choose the extremes: the person I've never before seen; the tallest;
the shortest; the youngest; the oldest; the heaviest; the lightest;
the oddest (meaning someone who looks completely different from the
rest such as of a different race), the best, and the worst if a
stranger/beginner. Some of those partners are often among "those I
know with whom I want, or feel obligated, to dance".
I know some partners and I dance particularly well at certain tempi or
to specific types of music such as Funk or Blues, or Swing. I know
some partners and I are better at some dances together than others so
we try to do those.
> Or what measures would one take to increase the odds of being asked, if
> one is not inclined to ask?
I advise Followers to sit forward on a seat, or stand, at the floor
with uncrossed arms, a smile, and some in-time body movement as well
as seeking eye contact. I've taken many a partner to the floor saying
"I saw your motor running".
Being young and pretty doesn't hurt. The girlfriend of last night's
band leader was sitting with us. She's probably still in her twenties
and very pretty but she's a singer, a total non-dancer. She was asked
to dance many times. When I was there, she'd say "Ask him" to confirm
her "I don't know how" and "I'm terrible". While dancing, she and a
guy standing near us, I confirmed her words and added, "I'm sure she'd
love to dance with you if she could".
> Is leader-ask-follower still the norm at the dances you attend?
It appears so but I don't know. I've seen many a Follower ask many a
Leader. The one time I tried to count, at a convention, I think I was
asked about a third of a time. Some of the askees were strangers,
others not. At local dances, where most of us know most of us, it
strikes me as fairly meaningless which asks the other.
> Do followers (or leaders) resent having to sit around,
> perhaps because of the gender ratio or the "competition?"
"Resent" isn't the word I'd choose. "Dislike" is but it's a
circumstance that cannot be controlled.
> Is the process random or calculated? Any good stories?
I don't know. But, then, I don't know what you mean. [See * and **
below.]
> I'[ve] … often been very pleasantly surprised by the random partner I end up with.
Happened t'me often last night at a Lindy gig about which SwingCha'll
probably post a report later tonight or on the morrow.
I often proudly proclaim that "I'll dance with ANYone who'll dance
with me!" because "I NEVER say 'No!' to an invitation to dance!"
*Aug 23 2006, 3:56 am
Peter D wrote:
> WCS seems to (almost naturally) lend itself to some really very
> steamy stuff.
A few years ago at a convention, "Peel Me A Grape" came on and I knew
just who to get and got her.
We KNEW we were having a wonderful dance. Each of us maintained a
straight, emotionless, face while engaging in "some really very
steamy stuff". We drew an audience who gave us an appreciative hand.
--
________________________________________________________________
A San Franciscan who never says "No!" to an invitation to dance!
http://geocities.com/dancefest/ -<->- http://geocities.com/iconoc/
ICQ: http://wwp.mirabilis.com/19098103 -------> IClast at Gmail com
**Nov 30 2007, 3:50 am
SwingingInTheHood wrote:
> Norma Miller herself said, "How can you call this a Swing party with no Count
> Basie?"
Excellent question! Basie isn't the only one who swings but everyone
doesn't consistently swing as hard as he. His drummer, Harold Jones,
lives in Marin County, and has occasional gigs when Tony Benet lets
him come home.
I've often commented to a partner "How about that! Swing music at a
Swing dance!" But I've had some of my best dances to non-Swing music,
a few years ago to "Peel Me A Grape" and recently to "Will You Love
Me
Tomorrow?"
___________________________________________________________________
If it doesn't swing, I'm outta here - Fred Astaire
Jack Gillis
"Icono Clast" <ICl...@jps.net> wrote in message
news:a151743d-392a-4e35...@26g2000hsk.googlegroups.com...
On Sep 14, 10:49 pm, avid_dan...@uymail.com wrote:
> How do dancers choose who to ask for the next dance at a social?
---Much Snipped------
I advise Followers to sit forward on a seat, or stand, at the floor
with uncrossed arms, a smile, and some in-time body movement as well
as seeking eye contact. I've taken many a partner to the floor saying
"I saw your motor running".
That pretty much sums it all up very well.
Too often followers stand or sit around in bunches yakking away and give no
indication they would prefer to dance.
---More Snipped---
isadanceaholic
I know of many dancers who use the time they are dancing with one
person to look around the dance floor to find their partner for the
next song. I only have experience with this kind of behavior as a
follow, but I also know of some follows who do the same thing while
they are dancing with a lead. I think that kind of rude behavior is
right up there with walking off the floor before a song is over and
leaving your partner standing there.
Jim Janney
When dancing with strangers, I mainly look for someone who (as best as
I can guess) really wants to dance to the song playing. This improves
both the chances that she'll say yes and that we'll get a good dance
out of it. Body language (obviously paying attention to the music and
maybe moving to it) is a good clue here. But there's a lot to be said
for just asking at random; it's a lot less work and the results are
likely to be just as good :-)
When dancing with friends I pretty much know who likes what, or at
least I think I do...
--
Jim Janney
Icono Clast
are dancing with one person to look around the dance floor to find
their partner for the next song. I only have experience with this kind
of behavior as a follow, but I also know of some follows who do the
No doubt that's sometimes true but we Leaders, at a Swing dance, have
to take care of fourteen people on a crowded floor. That means we
might not be able to look at you as often as we'd like.
Fourteen people? Yes! Seven couples. Two at our left; two at our
right, two behind us, and us.
During a Waltz, for example, we not only have to be aware of the
people near us but also of that couple across the floor who's on its
way into our path. Again, we might not be able to look at you as often
as we'd like.
«I think that kind of rude behavior is right up there with walking off
the floor before a song is over and leaving your partner standing
there.»
Agreed, if that's what it is but it isn't always what it sometimes
seems.
isadanceaholic
> No doubt that's sometimes true but we Leaders, at a Swing dance, have
> to take care of fourteen people on a crowded floor. That means we
> might not be able to look at you as often as we'd like.
>
> Fourteen people? Yes! Seven couples. Two at our left; two at our
> right, two behind us, and us.
I completely agree with that, but more often than not it is too easy
to differentiate between the short-distance glances of a lead looking
out for his lady and the long-distance stares in every direction of a
lead looking out for his next lady.
Hotness
I try to make it a point to move cycle through the room a couple of
times when I go out. At that point, I am choosing people virtually at
random. If I notice that someone hasn't danced in a while, I'll make
it a point to ask them though. I've ended up dancing with a couple of
champions that way, but usually the people I dance with doing that are
pretty bad. On the up side, those people usually think that I am
really, really good.
There are certain people who I dance with out of familiarity. That
could mean that I can reasonably expect to have a good technical dance
with them or it could mean that I feel good dancing badly with them.
Either way, it's a good time.
The most frequent reason that I dance with someone is that people ask
me to dance. I know a lot of women who have had their feelings hurt or
even stopped dancing because a few guys in a row turned them down.
Because of those women, I will almost never say 'no' when asked to
dance.
Lastly, I don't ask champions to dance unless I already know them.
That leads to a bit of a tangent, but it is part of my decision
process.
On Sep 14, 10:49 pm, avid_dan...@uymail.com wrote:
cs_po...@hotmail.com
> How do dancers choose who to ask for the next dance at a social?
I look at what they have on their feet...
Bob Wheatley
news:7ba376e4-eb72-4dcf...@k13g2000hse.googlegroups.com...
> On Sep 15, 1:49 am, avid_dan...@uymail.com wrote:
>> How do dancers choose who to ask for the next dance at a social?
>
> I look at what they have on their feet...
Me too.
If they're wearing girl shoes - I ask them.:>)
Bob Wheatley
avid_...@uymail.com
wrote:
> <cs_post...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> > I look at what they have on their feet...
>
> Me too.
> If they're wearing girl shoes - I ask them.:>)
Even if they are cross-dressers? Perhaps you should
check for shoe size and leg hair as well... but even this
is not a 100% guarantee for identifying gender.
===
Disclaimer for political correctness...
My apologies to cross-dressers for singling them out
for this tasteless and classless joke. I know most
of them are wonderful people and some may even
be wonderful followers.
Icono Clast
I understood "at a social" to mean at a dance where dancer go to dance
with dancers and the presumption of dance skill can be made without
regard to what people wear.
I look for shoes only in bars where there's a mix with non-dancers. It
works quite well.
Bob Wheatley
news:2c8adf27-2e75-47a6...@y21g2000hsf.googlegroups.com...
> On Sep 20, 12:15 pm, "Bob Wheatley" <xmaster.dan...@directway.com>
> wrote:
>> <cs_post...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>
>> > I look at what they have on their feet...
>>
>> Me too.
>> If they're wearing girl shoes - I ask them.:>)
>
> Even if they are cross-dressers? Perhaps you should
> check for shoe size and leg hair as well... but even this
> is not a 100% guarantee for identifying gender.
>
> ===
Um, we don't have those kind of bars where I'm from.:>)
Bob Wheatley
isadanceaholic
"Nice shoes, wanna....
... dance?"
avid_...@uymail.com
wrote:
> Um, we don't have those kind of bars where I'm from.:>)
You don't know what you're missing.
You know what they say, when you cross over,
you double your chance of finding dance partners.
dav...@aol.com
wrote:
> <avid_dan...@uymail.com> wrote in message
Wanna bet?:)
David Koppelman
Bob Wheatley
news:rqbdd4lbemvr5t136...@4ax.com...
> dav...@aol.com scribed:
>
>>On Sep 21, 9:04?am, "Bob Wheatley" <xmaster.dan...@directway.com>
>>wrote:
>>> <avid_dan...@uymail.com> wrote in message
>>>
>>> news:2c8adf27-2e75-47a6...@y21g2000hsf.googlegroups.com...
>>>
>>> > On Sep 20, 12:15 pm, "Bob Wheatley" <xmaster.dan...@directway.com>
>>> > wrote:
>>> >> <cs_post...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>>>
>>> >> > I look at what they have on their feet...
>>>
>>> >> Me too.
>>> >> If they're wearing girl shoes - I ask them.:>)
>>>
>>> > check for shoe size and leg hair as well... but even this
>>> > is not a 100% guarantee for identifying gender.
>>>
>>> > ===
>>>
>>> Um, we don't have those kind of bars where I'm from.:>)
>>>
>>> Bob Wheatley
>>
>>Wanna bet?:)
>>
> certainly does. Bottom Up, anyone?
>
Perhaps Mr.Koppelman has researched some local points of interest for
himself that I have never found? :>))
Bob Wheatley
dav...@aol.com
wrote:> > davk...@aol.com scribed:
>
> - Show quoted text -
Well, I hadn't, I just know human nature:) But it took all of 3
seconds on Google:
http://www.houstongayguide.com/gay-bars-houston.htm
:)
David Koppelman
Bob Wheatley
> Perhaps you didn't look 'hard enough.' ;-) >
I could have really done without the expression 'hard enough.'. :>)
Bob Wheatley
cs_po...@hotmail.com
> On Sep 20, 9:03 am, cs_post...@hotmail.com wrote:
> > I look at what they have on their feet...
>
> I understood "at a social" to mean at a dance where dancer go to dance
> with dancers and the presumption of dance skill can be made without
> regard to what people wear.
So what impression do your draw when you see someone "at a social"
wearing
severely unsuitable footwear?
Peter D
reckless, I never ask. And I make sure that eye contact is avoided such that
she never asks either. If I see she can follow both her current partner and
the music, I'll make a mental note and go ask some time later. I don't care
what level she is at. As for the checking out others while dancing, I never
ask again. If someone can't do me the courtesy of giving me their attention
for three minutes I can't be bothered asking them for another opportunity to
be rude to me.
Icono Clast
> So what impression do your draw when you see someone "at a social"
> wearing severely unsuitable footwear?
A recent arrival who's not had the chance to change shoes. You?
PeterD said:
> If someone can't do me the courtesy of giving me their attention
> for three minutes I can't be bothered asking them for another opportunity to
> be rude to me.
I've told this before:
I didn't dance with a very good dancer who's very attractive to me for
about five years. When I forgot why I didn't dance with her, I asked
her and knew almost instantly – she never looked at me!
Maybe I'm not handsome but I know that by most standards I'm not ugly.