REVIEWS: The X-Axis - 25 July 2004
Paul O'Brien
25 July 2004
============
For more links, cover art, archived reviews, and information on the
X-Axis mailing list, visit http://www.thexaxis.com
------------
This week:
CABLE & DEADPOOL #5 - If Looks Could Kill, part 5 of 6
"Not That There's Anything Wrong With That"
by Fabian Nicieza, Patrick Zircher and Udon
EMMA FROST #13 - Bloom, part 1 of 6
"Hard Knocks"
by Karl Bollers, Adriana Melo, Sean Parsons and Andrew Pepoy
NEW X-MEN #3 - choosing Sides, part 3 of 6
"Grudges"
by Nunzio DeFilippis, Christina Weir, Staz Johnson, Rick Ketcham
and Sean Parsons
WEAPON X #26 - Man and Monster, part 1 of 3
"Bagging the Elephant"
by Frank Tieri and Tom Mandrake
WOLVERINE #17 - Return of the Native, part 5 of 7
by Greg Rucka, Darick Robertson and Nelson DeCastro
X-MEN #159 - Day of the Atom, part 3 of 4
by Chuck Austen, Salvador Larroca and Danny Miki
KABUKI #1 - The Alchemy, part 1
by David Mack
normalman TWENTIETH ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL
"Captain Everything Super-Star" by Jim Valentino
"normalman Goes Hollywood" by Jim Valentino
------------
Six X-books this week, which I might venture to suggest is excessive.
Then again, if you think this is bad, just wait until October, when
Marvel will be shipping ten X-books in one week. (Before you ask:
Cable/Deadpool #8, Gambit #3, Madrox #2, New X-Men #6, Official
Handbook: Wolverine 2004, Rogue #4, Sabretooth #2, Uncanny X-Men #451,
Wolverine #21 and Wolverine: The End #6.) When you start seeing shipping
lists like that, you have to wonder at what point Marvel adopted an
express policy of bludgeoning their franchises into the ground.
Anyhow, first up this week is CABLE/DEADPOOL, which is now up to issue
#5 and mercifully free of Rob Liefeld covers. Mind you, the great one
will be back in a couple of weeks for X-Force #1, so don't put the clubs
down just yet.
This is an odd little issue. After taking a fairly leisurely pace to
get to this point in the plot, the first half of the issue almost turns
into a parody of decompression, as Deadpool spends a large chunk of the
book slowly crawling across the floor in what seem suspiciously like
repeated panels. It's a ridiculously silly set-up, but the gag works.
Then the plot goes into breakneck speed as everyone decamps to Singapore
for a second stab at launching the all-important Facade virus. At this
point, one of Nicieza's recurrent writing flaws rears its head again -
his inexplicable love of overly complicated macguffins which seem like
the result of a bastard collaboration between Jack Kirby and Heath
Robinson. It sometimes seems like a Fabian Nicieza character will never
simply pop down to the shops to buy some milk when he could use a
subcutaneal nanoimplant to send arcanopsychic signals to a hidden icon
in a supermarket fridge which will open a bacterial portal through which
milk will be telekinetically relocated in hard-light form to a pocket
holding dimension located in an occipital interstitiality whence it may
be drawn down with the use of an experimental computer program held on
three separate computer discs located in Bangkok, St Petersberg and the
Sea of Tranquility.
The macguffin in this story is basically straightforward. It's the
Facade virus. It will make everyone look alike. The One World Church
think this is a good thing because it'll an important step towards world
harmony. The problem is that it's also very dangerous because it
doesn't work properly. Nice and simple. Basically, all you need to know
up to this point. Pseudoscientific nonsense, of course, but you can get
away with that as long as you don't ask readers to look too closely at
the mechanics.
This time round, however, the second Facade Virus test requires readers
to accept (and thus, on some level, to comprehend) that the Church plans
to convert the virus into lightwaves (?!) which will, in some vaguely
defined manner, be distributed around the world by harnessing the powers
of Lightmaster. Quite how that's going to happen is thoroughly unclear,
and the idea of transforming a shape-changing virus into an infectious
lightwave is borderline incomprehensible to start with. The "hold on,
is that REALLY meant to be the plot" factor somewhat undermines the big
reveal in the next panel that Cable had worked it out all along.
And if Lightmaster is going to play a major part in the plot, he should
really have been established properly before now - it's not like there
hasn't been plenty of space in which to do it. He's hardly the sort of
character you can expect readers to be familiar with. He's a thoroughly
obscure Spider-Man villain who hasn't appeared in twelve years (and that
was in a back-up strip in Web of Spider-Man Annual #8).
There's an interesting story in here somewhere. I like the idea of
Cable trying to hijack the scheme for his own social engineering
purposes, rather than just stopping it outright. Kruch is an interesting
villain, a cult leader who's manipulating his followers but still has
some core of belief in what he's doing. And Zircher's Udon-style art
works well for him. But the arc could really use some streamlining.
Rating: B-
LINKS:
http://www.marvel.com
http://www.udoncomics.com
------------
EMMA FROST begins its third story arc, "Bloom", with issue #13. If
rumours from Rich Johnston are to be believed, this could be the last
storyline, which would mean cancellation at issue #18. With sales
continuing to glide downwards, that's fairly plausible - unless things
turn round, the book would indeed be down in cancellation territory by
that point.
Anyhow, this arc brings Emma to New York for the first time, where she
enrols in Empire State University. Given that she's funding herself
with money stolen from her father, it seems a touch reckless to be
enrolling under her own name, but I'll give them the benefit of the
doubt on that point. Maybe it'll be dealt with later in the storyline.
This is a set-up issue introducing this arc's supporting cast. There's
no apparent antagonist at this point, but we've got Christie the chirpy
and sociable roommate, and Max the intolerable jock. Max keeps trying
to get Emma to date him. Emma doesn't like him much. Quite why
Christie is trying to set them up is beyond me - the story seems to want
me to believe that Emma's acting unfairly in not giving him a chance,
but he strikes me as a complete prat. Emma's instincts seem to be on
the money.
The main story is that Emma's having trouble controlling her powers,
apparently because there are so many people around, although it's not
quite clear why that didn't bother her before - the previous arc was set
in the city as well. Maybe it's meant to be something to do with her
powers continuing to emerge. And a character from the first arc turns
up at the end.
That's about it, really. Perfectly okay as a set-up issue but nothing
particularly gripping. Adriana Melo gets off to a solid start as the
penciller for this arc. The involvement of three inkers on her first
issue is a slightly worrying sign, but it doesn't seem to affect the
quality of the published work.
Rating: B
------------
Despite the high-profile relaunch, NEW X-MEN still seems chronically
unable to hang onto an artist.
After two issues, Randy Green is gone. This issue has fill-in art from
Staz Johnson, an accomplished artist who's looking more than a little
rushed here. The book has the look of something bright and competent
from ten to fifteen years ago. It's not unappealing, but it lacks
personality. Then again, Green was originally solicited to pencilling
this issue, so god knows how long Johnson had to do it in. Apparently
Michael Ryan is next in line to have a shot at the book.
Still, it's now over a year since this book launched, bearing in mind
that to all intents and purposes it's the same title as New Mutants.
You'd have thought that they could have cobbled together a stable art
team by now, especially in the wake of Reload.
This issue seems to be setting up our new status quo - the New Mutants
and the Hellions as rival classes. It doesn't take a genius to see that
the house rivalry from the Harry Potter books is an influence there.
But to be fair, Rowling was hardly the first person to use the house
system as a plot device in a private school setting. After all, that's
what it's for.
Rather than just having the teams set at one another, DeFilippis and
Weir add a little more complexity to the relationships than that. Josh
and Julian do most of the aggravation, while some of the other Hellions
are just playing along out of loyalty. Dust and Jay refuse to
participate altogether, and Laurie can't really understand why
everyone's getting so worked up. Sofia, who ought to be a voice of
reason, gets neatly sidelined by forcing her into the leader role, so
that she immediately becomes more stressed about winning for the sake of
winning. And she's a terrible leader, panicky and tactically clueless -
which makes a nice change from everyone being a natural in the role.
The set-up is thoroughly contrived, but it does work. There's enough in
the web of character relationships to carry the book, while the
competition set-up just provides a frame for it all.
Kevin Ford is reintroduced into the cast, to the surprise of precisely
nobody. His scene is a little less than convincing. We're apparently
meant to take it that he's been desperately avoiding using his powers at
all, since he automatically destroys anything organic that he touches.
He seems to have been trying some ill-advised practice sessions on small
animals. When Emma turns up and suggests that he try wood, this seems
to strike him as a revelation. But wouldn't that be obvious? This is a
character who has to wear synthetic fibres in order to avoid destroying
his own clothes. Surely it would be blindingly obvious to him that he
could practice on plants?
Still, it's generally a fairly successful issue. The plot's not exactly
complex, but now that all of the characters have been brought together,
the character dynamics are finally starting to take off.
Rating: B+
------------
Whither WEAPON X, then?
It's now been five issues since we saw the regular cast, who seem to
have disappeared off the face of the earth. For Reload, we got a
three-parter guest starring Wolverine and Fantomex. Now we're getting a
three-parter with Sabretooth and Mr Sinister. And then... ah, hold on,
the book seems to be missing from the October solicitations.
Given that Marvel have developed an unfortunate habit of simply
cancelling titles without telling anyone, it's hard to avoid speculation
when that happens. Especially considering that even after Reload, the
book was selling less than Thanos. Maybe it's just taking a skip month,
but Marvel only have themselves to blame for inviting speculation.
Anyway, Sabretooth is hired by (ahem) Megacorp to go after Mr Sinister,
who's set up in business under a new cover identity. Or rather, exactly
the same cover identity as before, but what the heck. This time he
claims to be running a clinic for ill mutants. When he gets an
interesting one, he fakes their death so that he can take them off for
further experimentation. Fair enough - given Sinister's schtick, that's
not a bad plan.
So Sabretooth goes after him and... yup, that's basically it. There's a
cute subplot with Sinister ignoring the loyal Scalphunter in favour of a
new and more exciting henchman, but really the story never gets over the
basic problem of villain/villain stories. Who am I meant to be rooting
for here, and why should I care?
To be fair, an attempt is made to answer that - Sabretooth is working
for one of Sinister's victims, and therefore his employer has a
legitimate grudge. Besides, we know Sabretooth is the underdog against
Sinister. But that doesn't provide enough reason to make me root for
Sabretooth, who's left to his own devices for most of the issue. If
Sinister just kills him... well, no great loss, is it?
And without somebody to really get behind, the story has a problem.
Rating: C+
LINKS:
http://www.comicscommunity.com/boards/tommandrake
------------
How much longer is "Return of the Native" meant to be running, again?
Seven parts? God.
Even as somebody who loves Greg Rucka and Darick Robertson's work, and
enjoys their take on WOLVERINE, this storyline is really starting to tax
my patience. No doubt it'll read wonderfully in the trade paperback,
but it's increasingly clear that this is another of those painfully slow
stories which just doesn't work in the single issues. Of course, given
that Rucka's scripts pre-date his signing to DC, and therefore stem from
the height of Marvel's "decompress everything" period, I suppose that
shouldn't be too much of a surprise. Still, this looks distinctly like
a story that could happily have been sliced down to four issues and
would have been much improved by doing so.
Last issue, Native was captured by the bad guys. This time, they take
Native to their mad scientist, Vapor, who experiments on her and finds
out that she's pregnant. Meanwhile, Wolverine and Sabretooth follows
them there, only for Wolverine to turn on Sabretooth once he's been led
to the location. And that's the whole plot.
Now, it's quite nicely paced in its way. Wolverine quietly ignores all
of Sabretooth's rambling throughout the issue, which is intended to set
us up for "can you trust Sabretooth?" And the switch works well. But
there's not much sense of anything really happening. This is a point I
haven't made in a while, so it's worth flagging up again: just because
the pacing works in terms of page count, that doesn't mean it won't fail
dismally in serial format. Because pacing in serials has to allow for
the shipping schedule as well. This story may well justify 150 pages,
but it certainly doesn't seem to have enough plot to justify six months
- which is how much it's been given.
Vapor also seems decidedly out of place, in a tight red leather outfit
that seems completely at odds with the general visual design of the
issue. Quite why a character from the U-Foes has been dragged into this
role is also a bit of a mystery, assuming it's her - although to be
fair, I suppose her powers would make her a useful Wolverine villain,
since she can't just be slashed.
I want to like this arc, and I suspect when it's all finished I'll go
back, read the whole thing, and decide that it works as a whole. After
all, once it's been published once, that's all that matters - no more
waiting required. But for now, reading it in monthly instalments, it's
just too bloody slow.
Rating: B-
LINKS:
http://www.gregrucka.com
http://www.darickr.com
------------
Following San Diego, we now know who's taking over from Chuck Austen on
X-MEN - Peter Milligan.
Well, that's going to be interesting, isn't it? To be honest, I'm not
counting my chickens just yet - Milligan's quality control tends to be a
little more erratic on more mainstream titles, and he does his best work
on weird books like X-Statix and Shade. Still, at the very least it's an
intriguing proposition, and it's got to mark a step up. With Ed
Brubaker on Captain America and Warren Ellis on Iron Man, I'm almost
starting to wonder whether Marvel have finally found that long-lost clue
that disappeared down the back of the sofa when Bill Jemas left.
(And then I remember that there are ten X-books due for one week in
October, and wise up.)
Anyway, there's still six issues of Chuck Austen to go, but somehow it
all seems blissfully academic now that the light is visible at the end
of the tunnel. And to be fair to Austen, this particular arc isn't
conceptually horrible.
Unfortunately, Austen has a nasty habit of writing okay first acts and
then completely losing control of the plot as things progress. And the
plotting here is decidedly ropey. Iceman and the Juggernaut decide to
have a fight with one another, oblivious to the fact that Xorn's about
to destroy the world and Gambit's just been blinded. It's a ludicrously
stupid scene. Show some tension between the two by all means, but
neither character is moronic enough to start fighting for no reason in
this situation. At the very least, have a token misunderstanding to
spark it off.
The Chinese immortals show up again, this time to reveal that there's
another containment helmet at a nearby military facility. (And how do
they know that, then?) Despite the fact that Xorn is going to cause
enormous damage without it, they seem to feel it's a better idea to give
the X-Men directions, rather than just going to get the damn thing
themselves. For that matter, if they're going to be significant
characters in the arc, it would help to give these guys a proper
introduction and explain who they actually are. Naming them all would
be a good start.
Still, it could be worse (and has been). At least the concept of the
story isn't hopeless, and it does have some very attractive art from
Salvador Larroca.
And best of all, the end is finally in sight.
Rating: B
------------
KABUKI relaunches as the second (and, for the moment, final) title in
Marvel's Icon range. The longterm plans for Icon remain decidedly
oblique, but it appears that they're offering it as a vehicle for
Image-style projects for people with Marvel exclusivity deals.
That actually makes a certain degree of sense. It lets Marvel sign
people to exclusive deals without having to talk them into abandoning
much-loved projects - or carving out exceptions that make the real
purpose of the contract a little too obvious. ("Work for whoever the
hell you want, as long as it isn't DC.")
Kabuki has been around in one form or another for a decade now, and it's
been picking up critical acclaim for years. I've largely ignored it. I
see that I reviewed the first issue of the spin-off series Kabuki Agents
back in 1999, gave it an A-, and then forgot all about it.
Since then, creator David Mack has increasingly developed an interest in
unusual and experimental storytelling techniques, as we saw most
recently in his Daredevil fill-in run. The same approach is used here,
in an issue that clearly fancies itself as a jumping-on point but has
some very funny ideas about how to go about writing one. Lots of
dream-like stuff, odd collages, and writing around the edges of panels,
as you'd expect from Mack these days.
There is no denying that Mack's artwork is beautiful, nor that his
comics are commendably experimental. He's certainly pushing the
boundaries of the medium, and producing work which really breaks down
the division between the page and the panel, turning the page layout
into an atmospheric quality in its own right.
The problem with Mack's Daredevil run, however, was that he applied all
this virtuoso storytelling to a plot which wasn't interesting in the
slightest. It was gloriously expressed, but at its core, not very
interesting. I have much the same problem with this issue. Beautiful?
Yes. Innovative? Undoubtedly. Do I care about the characters, or
anything that's happening? Not particularly.
The plot, such as it is, has Kabuki setting out to start a new life.
We're not really told why. She's got a wound on her arm. We're not told
why. She's been given needlessly cryptic directions of how to get out
of the country. They're from "a friend". We're not told who. Nor are
we told why she wants to leave the country. Kabuki journeys across
country for the issue and delivers assorted monologues about starting a
new life, much of which seems more about metafiction than about
introducing the character. She drones on about Chinese calligraphers
changing identity halfway through their careers so that they could start
again without the burden of audience expectations. My heart bleeds.
Mack has clearly made a conscious decision not to recap the plot for
newcomers. It isn't properly explained in the story, and one presumes
he could have found space to include a recap, if so advised, somewhere
amongst the seven pages of (mostly fawning) letters. I assume the idea
is that since this is meant to be a new start for Kabuki in her life,
her past is irrelevant and excluded (or reduced to allusion) because you
don't need to know it. If so, I don't accept the premise. Of course
you need to know something about her background because it informs the
reasons she's trying to start a new life in the first place -
presumably. It would also render allusions to previous stories more
comprehensible. What the fuck am I supposed to make of a page of
crushed dragonflies?
I want to like books like Kabuki, I really do. I'm in favour of
experimenting with the medium. I'm glad to see Marvel publishing
something like this at all, even if their reasons for doing so have more
than a dash of cynicism to them. It's a beautiful visual object and its
admirers seem to treat it as something that ought to be elevated into
the canon.
But however much I try, I find the book pretentious, inaccessible and
self-congratulatory. It just doesn't work for me at all.
Rating: C
LINKS:
http://www.davidmack.net
------------
After his unexpectedly rapid removal as president of Image, Jim
Valentino has taken his colleagues' hint and gone back to the drawing
board. The result is the normalman TWENTIETH ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL,
commemorating 20 fabulous years of Valentino's parody series.
Okay, if you want to be nitpicky, the series actually ran from 1984 to
1986, and other than a couple of one-off stories, it hasn't been used
since. And the character actually debuted in 1983. But that's not the
point, is it?
While the original normalman series tended to pick a particular target
for parody in each issue, this is all about industry commentary.
normalman used to be the one non-powered person on a world of
superheroes, until they blew the planet up at the end of his series.
His quiet life is interrupted by his dimwitted friend Captain
Everything, who's been given his very own comic from Image. They set
off to promote it. And that's basically it.
To describe it as a story would be stretching matters - it actually just
kind of stops abruptly, in what seems to be a reference to Valentino's
own sudden dismissal. Basically, this is 19 pages of Valentino letting
off steam at the industry. They visit a stupid and complacent comic
store owner who doesn't care about advertising or reaching new
audiences. They go to San Diego and find that nobody's really
interested in anything other than free stuff and pointless stunts.
There's also a few enjoyably gratuitous swipes at industry personalities
- a ranting Mark Alessi, and the grumbling, irrelevant Johnny Burnout.
("He loves to tell everyone he's divorced.") It's all refreshingly
tactless, but very funny.
For the normalman completists among you, there's also a reprint of
"normalman Goes Hollywood", a 9-pager from Epic Lite #1 back in 1991.
normalman nearly sells his story for a TV show, but they change it
beyond recognition. Not exactly subtle, to put it mildly, but it's
still funny.
Will it be incomprehensible to anyone other than a hardcore fan? Well,
yes. But who else is going to be reading the normalman Twentieth
Anniversary Special? Come to think of it, who else is going to be
reading anything from Image - or any direct market-oriented publisher?
After all, that's kind of the point. Valentino spent years trying to
expand Image's range with a load of unusual and experimental titles (ie,
anything that doesn't involve superheroes, 1980s toys and/or big tits),
and what did it get him? A declining market share, and the sack. If
ever a man had grounds to vent...
Rating: A-
LINKS:
http://www.imagecomics.com
------------
Also this week:
CAPTAIN MARVEL #25 - Commercial reality finally prevails, and the book
is cancelled. And since this is a story by Peter David and Keith
Giffen, that's not just the commercial reality - it's the plot.
Somebody's been watching the final episode of Moonlighting, as the
entire comic is destroyed in a metafictional implosion. Eulogy and
Expediency, two previously unmentioned cosmic entities, turn up to
perform their normal role in prematurely cancelled comics - ridiculously
artificial closure, and bumping the whole thing into limbo. Poor
Captain Marvel is forced to listen to a patient explanation by Eulogy of
where it all went wrong: the book was boring, and nobody really cared
about him in the first place. Very funny, and the best thing Peter
David's written in ages. A
http://www.peterdavid.net
CLA$$WAR #6 - Yes, the final issue at last. Issue #1 of this six-issue
miniseries shipped back in February 2002, but two artists and over two
years later, the beleaguered Com.X have finally made it to the end.
There's some rather nice art from Travel Foreman (if a little flat at
points), but by this point Cla$$war seems like a strangely contradiction
- simultaneously a hamfisted anti-government rant, and a curious relic
of a more innocent pre-9/11 era when you actually had to make up silly
conspiracy theories to justify broadsiding the US government. Oh, and
it doesn't actually have an ending - it finishes by setting up for
another miniseries. We'll expect that in 2015, then, shall we? C+
http://www.comxcomics.com
EX MACHINA #2 - Brian Vaughan and Tony Harris' series, about the world's
only superhero becoming mayor of New York, is living up to its initial
promise. Rather than focus on the superpowers, most of the story is
based around more conventional politics, with a refreshingly down to
earth political problem - those idiots at the local modern art gallery
have been spending public money on inflammatory crap again. You wonder
how many people really get worked up about the contents of modern art
galleries, but it still takes the book in a more interesting direction
than I'd expected. A
http://www.wildstorm.com
http://www.jollyrogerstudio.com (Tony Harris)
SEAGUY #3 - End of the first miniseries, although Morrison apparently
wants to do a trilogy, which explains the rather downbeat ending. In
this issue, Seaguy learns the origin of the Moon, and why we never get
to see the other side of it. (It isn't finished.) The Prisoner-style
ending works well enough if you treat it as the first act, although it
remains to be seen whether Vertigo will actually commission the other
two. Hope so, because this has been great fun. A-
http://www.vertigocomics.com
http://www.grantmorrison.com
http://www.cameron-stewart.com
SERENITY ROSE #4 - Wonderful comic. Nobody seems to buy the damn thing,
so I'm going to hammer the point once again - wonderful comic. Yes,
it's a bit goth. Don't let that put you off. I can't stand goth
either. This is the acceptable face of goth - quiet, intelligent,
funny, and faintly exasperated. The premise: the excessively cute
Serenity Rose is one of the handful of witches in the world. Some of
the others are famous. Some are in showbiz. Serenity... does nothing.
At all. Except sulk. She's the world's least motivated protagonist.
She just wants to be left alone. And for the most part, the extremely
relaxed plot tends to oblige. This time, however, she gets dragged into
the city and might end up meeting another witch. After four issues of
not a lot happening (very entertainingly, though), it comes as a genuine
surprise to see a plot finally kicking into gear. Buy the damn thing.
A+
http://www.slavelabor.com
http://www.heartshapedskull.com
------------
Last week's Article 10 is still up at Ninth Art. http://www.ninthart.com
Next week, the first issue of the ongoing Rogue series. Can it really
work? Astonishing X-Men #3 continues Joss Whedon's first arc. X-Statix
#25 wraps up the Avengers storyline. More dubious skin treatment in
Mystique #17. And if we close our eyes and wish real hard, maybe
Excalibur #3 will just go away.
--
Paul O'Brien
THE X-AXIS - http://www.thexaxis.com
ARTICLE 10 - http://www.ninthart.com
LIVEJOURNAL - http://www.livejournal.com/~paulobrien
OverLord Hatred
Paul O'Brien <pa...@SPAMBLOCK.esoterica.demon.co.uk> wrote:
> Kabuki has been around in one form or another for a decade now, and it's
> been picking up critical acclaim for years. I've largely ignored it. I
> see that I reviewed the first issue of the spin-off series Kabuki Agents
> back in 1999, gave it an A-, and then forgot all about it.
>
> Since then, creator David Mack has increasingly developed an interest in
> unusual and experimental storytelling techniques, as we saw most
> recently in his Daredevil fill-in run.
Actually, this style even predates the Kabuki Agents stuff. He used it
in the stories that were reprinted as "Dreams" and "Metamorphosis."
Maybe more, but I haven't read all the books. The Echo story looked
like a bad parody of his own work (IMO) and the character just does not
have the depth of Kabuki. That makes for a bad reading experience.
Brian Doyle
"Paul O'Brien" <pa...@SPAMBLOCK.esoterica.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
news:SEXeZ3J7...@esoterica.demon.co.uk...
> It sometimes seems like a Fabian Nicieza character will never
> simply pop down to the shops to buy some milk when he could use a
> subcutaneal nanoimplant to send arcanopsychic signals to a hidden icon
> in a supermarket fridge which will open a bacterial portal through which
> milk will be telekinetically relocated in hard-light form to a pocket
> holding dimension located in an occipital interstitiality whence it may
> be drawn down with the use of an experimental computer program held on
> three separate computer discs located in Bangkok, St Petersberg and the
> Sea of Tranquility.
LOL!
Sorry FabNic if you read this, but if that weren't so long, I'd use it as my
signature quote... :)
> This time round, however, the second Facade Virus test requires readers
> to accept (and thus, on some level, to comprehend) that the Church plans
> to convert the virus into lightwaves (?!) which will, in some vaguely
> defined manner, be distributed around the world by harnessing the powers
> of Lightmaster. Quite how that's going to happen is thoroughly unclear,
> and the idea of transforming a shape-changing virus into an infectious
> lightwave is borderline incomprehensible to start with.
Well, as Lightmaster's power is to convert his own organic structure into
light, that's actually almost logical.
> Rather than just having the teams set at one another, DeFilippis and
> Weir add a little more complexity to the relationships than that. Josh
> and Julian do most of the aggravation, while some of the other Hellions
> are just playing along out of loyalty.
Much like the original Hellions.
> Kevin Ford is reintroduced into the cast, to the surprise of precisely
> nobody. His scene is a little less than convincing. We're apparently
> meant to take it that he's been desperately avoiding using his powers at
> all, since he automatically destroys anything organic that he touches.
> He seems to have been trying some ill-advised practice sessions on small
> animals. When Emma turns up and suggests that he try wood, this seems
> to strike him as a revelation. But wouldn't that be obvious?
Possibly not to a city kid. Rats are obvious, but tree's are tree's, not
organics the way many people think of the term.
> Eulogy and Expediency, two previously unmentioned cosmic entities, turn up
to
> perform their normal role in prematurely cancelled comics - ridiculously
> artificial closure, and bumping the whole thing into limbo.
Mark Gruenwald would be so proud! :)
> SEAGUY #3 - End of the first miniseries, although Morrison apparently
> wants to do a trilogy, which explains the rather downbeat ending.
I thought he wanted to do a three story book, only one of which was Seaguy.
Robert Carnegie
>THE X-AXIS
>25 July 2004
>============
>
>Then again, if you think this is bad, just wait until October, when
>Marvel will be shipping ten X-books in one week. (Before you ask:
>Cable/Deadpool #8, Gambit #3, Madrox #2, New X-Men #6, Official
>Handbook: Wolverine 2004, Rogue #4, Sabretooth #2, Uncanny X-Men
>#451, Wolverine #21 and Wolverine: The End #6.) When you start
>seeing shipping lists like that, you have to wonder at what point
>Marvel adopted an express policy of bludgeoning their
>franchises into the ground.
Well, for one thing, the shipping list isn't a guarantee, so they
could balance the load across weeks at the planning stage and
still have everything arrive on the same day (unless they held stuff
back longer to avoid that, and there isn't a lot of point); and,
furthermore, some of them are more X-books than others; I think
Madrox and Sabretooth were only members of X-Factor and not
the X-Men, Cable was only on the team briefly, I'm not even sure
Deadpool's a mutant (not that you have to be), and the New X-Men
aren't X-Men either, they're the New Mutants - right? (But it's going
to take time for me to quit ticking that off on my list as X-Men or
Astonishing X-Men... /that's/ intentional, I'm sure.)
Anyway, isn't the Marvel Universe one big unitary franchise? You
might as well complain - and, back in the day, you could have -
that they were publishing more and more superhero comics and
cutting back on the romance and humour and and western titles.
>EMMA FROST begins its third story arc, "Bloom", with issue #13. If
>rumours from Rich Johnston are to be believed, this could be the last
>storyline, which would mean cancellation at issue #18. With sales
>continuing to glide downwards, that's fairly plausible - unless things
>turn round, the book would indeed be down in cancellation territory by
>that point.
If they wanted to sell to young girls, the cover art certainly fitted the
character's destiny as a man-eater who wears a white basque out
of doors, but otherwise the pitch was all wrong for a role model...
even if she grew up to be a schoolteacher in the end.
>NEW X-MEN
>This issue seems to be setting up our new status quo - the New Mutants
>and the Hellions as rival classes. It doesn't take a genius to see that
>the house rivalry from the Harry Potter books is an influence there.
>But to be fair, Rowling was hardly the first person to use the house
>system as a plot device in a private school setting. After all, that's
>what it's for.
I think real-life schools may have house divisions for reasons
other than providing a useful device in fiction. I think the present
British government has expressed a belief that they encourage
students to perform by the motive of competition, and Harry Potter
may have been mentioned, unfortunately. Xavier's school
evidently is thinking on the same lines.
A sketchy acquaintance with school stories of the old sort,
including not reading _Tom Brown's Schooldays_, or do I mean
_Tom Jones_, or both, anyway, I have come away with the
impression that a "house" originally was an actual building on a
school campus for the accommodation of students, whereas I
attended a Scottish primary school three minutes' walk from
home where a division into houses was, as far as I could tell,
arbitrary.
I think I've seen more direct contests between classes in
American fiction modelled on military college practices?
>WOLVERINE
>Last issue, Native was captured by the bad guys. This time, they take
>Native to their mad scientist, Vapor, who experiments on her and finds
>out that she's pregnant.
For those of us following the book solely through your reviews, is it
apparent how she got that way?
>X-MEN
I still respect the Chinese team's resistance to the comics
convention of announcing your superhero codename in your first
speech every issue. But I appreciate it makes it difficult to follow
individual team members. Their names are probably Chinese,
anyway, and obscure. The one with knives for legs could be Apple
Blossom Tiger, or something. It need only make sense to /them/.
>SERENITY ROSE #4 - Wonderful comic. Nobody seems to buy
>the damn thing, so I'm going to hammer the point once again -
>wonderful comic. Yes, it's a bit goth. Don't let that put you off.
>I can't stand goth either. This is the acceptable face of goth -
>quiet, intelligent, funny, and faintly exasperated. The premise:
>the excessively cute Serenity Rose is one of the handful of
>witches in the world. Some of the others are famous. Some are
>in showbiz. Serenity... does nothing. At all. Except sulk. She's
>the world's least motivated protagonist. She just wants to be left
>alone. And for the most part, the extremely relaxed plot tends to
>oblige. This time, however, she gets dragged into the city and
>might end up meeting another witch. After four issues of
>not a lot happening (very entertainingly, though), it comes as a
>genuine surprise to see a plot finally kicking into gear. Buy the
>damn thing.
>A+
>http://www.slavelabor.com
>http://www.heartshapedskull.com
Well, if it's that good, I'll have to. Mind you, if a character is not so
much complaining about plot writing as withdrawing her labour - !
>And if we close our eyes and wish real hard, maybe
>Excalibur #3 will just go away.
Do you have concrete reasons for expecting it to be very bad?
I mean, besides having underdressed or age-inappropriate-
dressed early teenage mutants (there was this weird TV show
called _The Tribe_) hanging around two old men and a woman
with tentacles for arms and waiting for a not necessarily artistically
well designed concept called an Omega Sentinel to turn up on the
next flight in. Not that that can't be enough.
Robert Carnegie at home, rja.ca...@excite.com at large
--
I am fully aware I may regret this in the morning.
Paul O'Brien
<rja.ca...@excite.com> writes
>Well, for one thing, the shipping list isn't a guarantee
No, but it's a plan.
>, so they
>could balance the load across weeks at the planning stage and
>still have everything arrive on the same day
In fact, most books do ship on time these days. The latecomers are a
small minority. Only two or three books are currently running late -
and one of those is NYX, which is such a joke that it doesn't really
count.
>If they wanted to sell to young girls, the cover art certainly fitted the
>character's destiny as a man-eater who wears a white basque out
>of doors, but otherwise the pitch was all wrong for a role model...
>even if she grew up to be a schoolteacher in the end.
To be fair to Horn, apparently they commissioned him to do girlie covers
for the first arc, and then changed their minds and decided to go after
kids. That's why the covers change so abruptly, and why issue #7 has a
cover obviously intended for the previous arc - they were going to use
it for one of the digests.
>For those of us following the book solely through your reviews, is it
>apparent how she got that way?
Certainly. Wolverine slept with her two issues ago. Of course, that
doesn't necessarily mean it's his.
>Do you have concrete reasons for expecting it to be very bad?
Yes. I've read EXCALIBUR #1-2.
Billy Bissette
news:ef5MbJA3...@redjac.demon.co.uk:
> O'Brien <pa...@SPAMBLOCK.esoterica.demon.co.uk> writes
>>
>>Excalibur #3 will just go away.
>
> Do you have concrete reasons for expecting it to be very bad?
> I mean, besides having underdressed or age-inappropriate-
> dressed early teenage mutants (there was this weird TV show
> called _The Tribe_) hanging around two old men and a woman
> with tentacles for arms and waiting for a not necessarily artistically
> well designed concept called an Omega Sentinel to turn up on the
> next flight in. Not that that can't be enough.
Tentacle porn might could only help the book at this point. If
only Marvel were on another Japan kick, we might have that very special
episode where Callisto teaches Wicked just why she decided she liked
her arm replacements.
Though tentacle porn is old news these days, and hardly the seller
that it used to be.
Paul O'Brien
Bissette <bai...@coastalnet.com> writes
>
> Tentacle porn might could only help the book at this point. If only
>Marvel were on another Japan kick, we might have that very special
>episode where Callisto teaches Wicked just why she decided she liked
>her arm replacements.
With the quality of dialogue we've had between Callisto and Storm thus
far, I wouldn't be remotely surprised to see that happen. Seriously.
~consul
> Though tentacle porn is old news these days, and hardly the seller
> that it used to be.
Illithids in your bed!
The Black Guardian knows what I'm talking about. ;)
--
"... respect, all good works are not done by only good folk ..."
-till next time, Jameson Stalanthas Yu -x- <<poetry.dolphins-cove.com>>
con...@INVALIDdolphins-cove.com ((remove the INVALID to email))
Billy Bissette
> In message <Xns9533C695B35E...@207.69.154.205>, Billy
> Bissette <bai...@coastalnet.com> writes
>>
>> Tentacle porn might could only help the book at this point. If only
>>Marvel were on another Japan kick, we might have that very special
>>episode where Callisto teaches Wicked just why she decided she liked
>>her arm replacements.
>
> With the quality of dialogue we've had between Callisto and Storm thus
> far, I wouldn't be remotely surprised to see that happen. Seriously.
True... Claremont's classic lesbian/bisexual female overtones strike
again.
Hrm... If Wicked stays around, I wonder how long it will be until she
is one of the most powerful mutants in the X-Men universe? There are just
so many ways that Claremont can insanely supercharge her power when he
wants to.
Brian Doyle
"Billy Bissette" <bai...@coastalnet.com> wrote in message
news:Xns95348CE37E7A...@207.69.154.204...
> Hrm... If Wicked stays around, I wonder how long it will be until she
> is one of the most powerful mutants in the X-Men universe?
About two issues after a textbox first uses the term "Focussed totality of
her powers.." in relation to her.
Graeme
>> Hrm... If Wicked stays around, I wonder how long it will be until she
>>is one of the most powerful mutants in the X-Men universe?
>
> About two issues after a textbox first uses the term "Focussed totality of
> her powers.." in relation to her.
Stop it, you're making me want to keep getting the damned book just to
see how bad it can get.
Graeme
--
http://members.optusnet.com.au/graeme
"We may as well just play out our roles, then.
I'm the devil and you're the sinner. We both
know where we're going now."
(Hellblazer #83)
Billy Bissette
news:ce9hsm$pem$2...@bunyip.cc.uq.edu.au:
> Brian Doyle wrote:
>
>>> Hrm... If Wicked stays around, I wonder how long it will be until
>>> she
>>>is one of the most powerful mutants in the X-Men universe?
>>
>> About two issues after a textbox first uses the term "Focussed
>> totality of her powers.." in relation to her.
>
> Stop it, you're making me want to keep getting the damned book just to
> see how bad it can get.
That's how I'm justifying it... Kind of fun actually, from a somewhat
twisted perspective.
Heck, in a way, it isn't actually quite bad enough... It's bad enough
to not be good, but not bad enough to be "so bad that you have to read it
for yourself".
I also wonder how long it will be before Wicked gets possessed. You
know there is a mind control story just waiting for a character that
channels the dead.
Dan McEwen
> Brian Doyle wrote:
>
>>> Hrm... If Wicked stays around, I wonder how long it will be until
>>> she
>>>is one of the most powerful mutants in the X-Men universe?
>>
>> About two issues after a textbox first uses the term "Focussed
>> totality of her powers.." in relation to her.
>
> Stop it, you're making me want to keep getting the damned book just to
> see how bad it can get.
I don't do that. I just browse in the store. That, combined with the
reviews I read, tell me everything I need to know.
Paul O'Brien
Bissette <bai...@coastalnet.com> writes
>
> I also wonder how long it will be before Wicked gets possessed. You
>know there is a mind control story just waiting for a character that
>channels the dead.
There's a mind control story waiting for everyone! It's Claremont!
Patrick McClue
"Paul O'Brien" <pa...@SPAMBLOCK.esoterica.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
news:zsDWTWBj...@esoterica.demon.co.uk...
> In message <Xns9534EE609B00...@207.69.154.206>, Billy
> Bissette <bai...@coastalnet.com> writes
> >
> > I also wonder how long it will be before Wicked gets possessed. You
> >know there is a mind control story just waiting for a character that
> >channels the dead.
>
> There's a mind control story waiting for everyone! It's Claremont!
>
> --
> Paul O'Brien
Moira hallucinations are only the first step :-)
Patrick
Billy Bissette
> In message <Xns9534EE609B00...@207.69.154.206>, Billy
> Bissette <bai...@coastalnet.com> writes
>>
>> I also wonder how long it will be before Wicked gets possessed. You
>>know there is a mind control story just waiting for a character that
>>channels the dead.
>
> There's a mind control story waiting for everyone! It's Claremont!
Well, yes. That was my point. Except Wicked actually has a mind
control story hook built into her character.
I doubt Freakshow will get a mind control story though. He looks like
the tag-a-long character... The surfer brother to Wicked's Lifeguard.
Graeme
>>Stop it, you're making me want to keep getting the damned book just to
>>see how bad it can get.
>
> That's how I'm justifying it... Kind of fun actually, from a somewhat
> twisted perspective.
It would be irresponsible of me to encourage Marvel to publish
sub-standard X-books. Not to mention completely redundant.
> Heck, in a way, it isn't actually quite bad enough... It's bad enough
> to not be good, but not bad enough to be "so bad that you have to read it
> for yourself".
Which is why despite its unintentional comedy value I'm not going to be
continuing it past the issues I already have on pre-order. I'll just
experience it vicariously through the mockery of others.
> I also wonder how long it will be before Wicked gets possessed. You
> know there is a mind control story just waiting for a character that
> channels the dead.
In a story called "Something Wicked this way comes", no doubt.
Dan McEwen
> In message <Xns9534EE609B00...@207.69.154.206>, Billy
> Bissette <bai...@coastalnet.com> writes
>>
>> I also wonder how long it will be before Wicked gets possessed. You
>>know there is a mind control story just waiting for a character that
>>channels the dead.
>
> There's a mind control story waiting for everyone! It's Claremont!
I thought it was only females who got mind controlled? Sure, I realize
the entire New Mutants team got that treatment, but Storm was the "star"
mind controlee in those issues.
Paul O'Brien
<dannyb...@hotmail.com> writes
>
>I thought it was only females who got mind controlled?
No, no, everyone. Mainly females, but also everyone.
Nathan P. Mahney
Paul O'Brien <pa...@SPAMBLOCK.esoterica.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
news:+fclvVAe...@esoterica.demon.co.uk...
> In message <2n0e5dF...@uni-berlin.de>, Dan McEwen
> <dannyb...@hotmail.com> writes
> >
> >I thought it was only females who got mind controlled?
>
> No, no, everyone. Mainly females, but also everyone.
>
Including the readers. That's what keeps us buying it month after month.
- Nathan P. Mahney -
Dan McEwen
news:410b7e07$0$16321$5a62...@per-qv1-newsreader-01.iinet.net.au:
Not me, man. I read two issues of UNCANNY under Claremont and knew that
I couldn't handle it again. Actually, I'm surprised it took two issues.
I only read one issue of X-TREME before giving up. Of course, I only
read it because I wanted to see Magma's appearance, but I was quite
unhappy with the issue.
Nathan P. Mahney
Dan McEwen <dannyb...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:2n33cvF...@uni-berlin.de...
To be honest, I've enjoyed most of Claremont's output since he returned. He
started off shakily on X-Men and Uncanny, but was finding his feet just as
the titles got yanked away from him. X-Treme I liked for the most part.
Uncanny I'm enjoying tremendously. But I hate Excalibur. I really hate it,
and I've been waiting for Claremont to write Magneto again for years.
Nick Eden
<pa...@SPAMBLOCK.esoterica.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>THE X-AXIS
>25 July 2004
>============
>
>For more links, cover art, archived reviews, and information on the
>X-Axis mailing list, visit http://www.thexaxis.com
Eh up Paul, someone eaten your site?
-------------------------------------
York BSAC Web Page:
http://website.lineone.net/~york_bsac