LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #254: The Cosmic Conspiracy Part One

[Arthur Spitzer]

30 Years of Legion of Net.Heroes (1992-2022)!

And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.

Here's where you can find the whole The Cosmic Conspiracy (as well
as other Continuity Champ stories:

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Continuity.Champ/



And our next journey in the LNH Timeline is not the next part of the
Integrity Quest or the next part of Sieze Dangerous! No, it's The
Cosmic Conspiracy by Jeff "Drizzt" Barnes -- (and also a little bit
of Cry.Sig also by Drizzt) -- The Continuity Champ has gotten a call
about his Aunt Comic Relief possibly being dead! As he makes his
way to the police department to investigate this possibly tragedy --
will he find even more strange occurrences?! And what about this
name Professor Milton K. Fyle?! Sounds like a fake name, right?! But
What if it's not?! But if it is fake, what could that 'K' possibly
stand for? Perhaps 'Kool', maybe 'KanadaDry' -- or perhaps even
'KountryBearJamboree'?! Or perhaps it's a 'K' word that isn't some
misspelled 'C' word?! Perhaps...

Let's find out in...



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| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
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|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #254


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The Cosmic Conspiracy Part One
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From Cry.Sig (also by Drizzt)


The Legion swapped stories, grieved over their dead (at least
as much as comic book characters ever do grieve), and celebrated
the saving of reality - again. All except Continuity Champ who
hovered in the shadows menacingly.
Just then the phone rang.
"Hello, Legion Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em," Fuzzy said,
answering the phone.
"Give me that!" Rebel Yell shouted. "Hello?"
"Is there a Mr. 'Continuity Champ' there?"
"Just a moment. Hey, CC, you got a call."
Behind the mask, Continuity Champ raised his eyebrows. He took
the phone. "Yes?"
"Mr. Champ? This is Officer Fred Smyrgle. I'm afraid I have
bad news. Your Aunt Comic-Relief is dead."
Continuity Champ's surprised was visible. "But I don't have an
aunt. I'm not even native to this reality!"

EPILOGUE:
Continuity Champ considered this development. It intrigued
him. Though his powers were far from fully recovered from the
Cry.Sig battles with Harras and Crossover Queen, he knew that as
the caretaker of reality it was his job to investigate such
seeming lapses of continuity. He asked Officer Smyrgle another
question or two, then hung up the phone.
"I'll be leaving for a while," he said to no one in particular
and everyone in general. "Effective immediately."
"Why?" someone asked.
"Because it's time I got a limited series of my own, and I
can't do that with you dummies around." He turned and then was
gone.



From: bar...@wkuvx1.wku.edu (Jeff Barnes)
Newsgroups: alt.comics.lnh,rec.arts.comics.misc
Subject: LNH: REPOST -- The Cosmic Conspiracy
Date: 1 Dec 93 11:14:41 CST

THE COSMIC CONSPIRACY
An original LNH Looniverse tale starring Continuity Champ
Written by Drizzt
Copyright 1992

CHAPTER ONE:
Continuity Champ glided to earth, touching down near the
police barricade. "Who's in charge here?" he said.
"That would be me," a rolypoly figure in a rumpled raincoat
said. "Mr. Champ? I'm Officer Smyrgle. We spoke on the phone."
"Yes. What can you tell me about this?"
Smyrgle motioned toward the menacing-looking building, and the
two walked in. "Seems your aunt-"
"She is not my aunt. I am not of this world." The Champion
cut in. "Yeah, whatever." Twenty years of dealing with superheroes
on the Coastal City police force had left a less than awestricken
impression on Smyrgle. "Seems the old bat's car died down the
road. That jalopy's older 'n anything I've ever seen before. We
figure she came up here looking to find a phone when something
startled her."
"Something?"
"Yeah." Smyrgle pointed to some footprints in the dust, and
the Champion bent over to look at them. They were a foot and a
half (pun intended) long, with what appeared to be clawmarks
showing through the wood.
He straightened. "I guess you didn't find whatever this was
here."
"Nope. The woman's through here." He led the Net.Hero
through a doorway.
"Hey!" Smyrgle shouted.
Continuity Champ looked around the room, but there was no
corpse to be found. "Where is she?"
"She was just here a minute ago. Corpses just don't walk
off!"
"Apparently you've never met Marvel Zombie Boy. Or half the
Legion, for that matter," the gaudily-clad hero muttered. A glint
of metal caught his eye. He reached down to find a small
mechanical part on the floor.
"Hmmm. What is this, Officer? Officer?" He turned but found
Smyrgle gone, doubtless in search of the corpse. No matter,
Continuity Champ thought. Turning the piece over, he spied a small
bit of writing on one side.
Just then, Smyrgle came puffing in. "The boys don't know
where she is. It's like the body just disappeared!"
"Not the first time this has happened. One more question,
Officer. Who owns this building?"
"Oh, I've got it right here." He rummaged through his pockets
for several minutes before coming up with a piece of paper as
crumpled and creased as his coat. "A Professor Milton K. Fyle.
The boys are trying to track him down."
"I see. Thank you. You'll inform me of any news in this
matter, of course." He turned and was gone before Smyrgle could
answer.
Pausing briefly outside, the Champion hit the call button on
his communicator. "Yew gart LNG cintrel."
"Typo Lad, tell everyone I'll be taking a leave of absence."
"Shure, buht whye?"
"I'm taking a... vacation. To look into a personal matter."
He turned the part he had picked up earlier over in his hand and
read the writing on it once again.
"I'm going to Cosmic, New York."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

In the void of limbo, the bodiless spirit got tired of
listening to muzak. "Hey, haven't you people found me a body
YET!?!"
"As a matter of fact," a voice said, "we have. We're sick of
your whining."
The spirit felt himself rushing back toward earth, feeling as
though he had been caught in the flow of a waterfall. He flowed
into his new body...

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Somewhere in a hidden underground compound in Cosmic, New
York, a new pair of eyes flickered open. The eyes of the ultimate
weapon a certain long-time foe of the LNH had been creating...



CHAPTER TWO:
With a mighty WHOOOSH! Continuity Champ sped toward his
destination - the sleepy little town of Cosmic, New York. He
swooped to the earth, landing in front of the sherriff's office.
Bystanders (what few there were) didn't spare the orange-and-green
garbed hero a second glance. Strange, the mystery man thought.
He made his way into the sherriff's office. A seated,
overweight figure with his feet propped up on a desk was sitting
there, whittling on a stick.
"Are you the local law enforcement officer?"
"Yep," the sherriff replied without looking up.
Something was dreadfully out of place here. "I'm looking for
help."
"We got one a' them, whaddyacallem - sike-ollowjists? - just
down the road. Cuts hair, too. Go see him."
CC placed the problem - the man's accent. An exaggerated
Southern drawl, out of place anywhere, but especially in upstate
New York. "I see," the hero said calmly. "Actually, I was
wondering if you know where this might have come from." He opened
his hand and showed the sherriff the part taken from the crime
scene.
The rotund lawman looked up from his carving for the first
time, examining the part over the tops of his horn-rimmed glasses.
"Hmmmm, nope, can't say's I have. You could check at the hardware
store down the street. Milt - he's the guy that runs it - Milt
might be able ta place it."
"All right, then. My thanks, sir." Continuity Champ turned
and walked out the door.
The sherriff followed his swaying cape with narrowed eyes.
After the LNHer disappeared from the narrow slice of the street he
could see from his office, the sherriff picked up the phone and
dialed.
"Dr. Fyle? Yeah, this here's Festus Clint. Yuh got trouble
comin' yer way."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The Champion made his way down the street. Once again, his
bright-colored costume failed to attract any attention. Pushing
thoughts of this from his mind, the extradimensional hero entered
the building with the sign outside which read "Cosmic Hardware".
He paused as his eyes adjusted to the darkness inside.
"Hello," he called out. "Milt?"
He knew he was in for it when the ninjas broke from the
shadows, wielding swords. Ninjas, he thought, why did it have to
be ninjas?
Continuity Champ dodged to the side, barely missing becoming
a pincushion. He unleashed a bolt of energy, felling one of his
dozen foes. Flipping himself forward, he caught one of the ninjas
with a kick below the belt, then punched another in the face, both
crumpled like wilted flowers.
The Champ heard a whistling noise behind him and ducked, just
as a sword sliced by where his neck had been a split second before.
He punched backward with his elbow and was rewarded with the shark
crack of breaking ribs. Reversing his move, the Legionnaire
grabbed the ninja by the collar and flung him at another. I hate
ninjas, he thought.
However, while stopped the five he had been fighting, the
others had surrounded him, swords drawn, and were closing.
He looked around for a way to escape. There was none.
I'm in trouble, he thought grimly.



CHAPTER THREE:
Just as Continuity Champ prepared to give up his life, a
metallic figure crashed up through the floor.
"Aaaaaarrrghh!" it howled. "Puny ninjas..."
The robotic-looking figure punched two of the ninja, then
stretched its liquid metal form toward another.
"...Obscure..."
Knocking the other out, he bear-hugged a fourth.
"...Trivia Lad..."
He hurled the limp form of the unconscious ninja at two of his
fellows with incredible force, causing all three to crash against
the wall.
"...will smash!!!"
He pummelled the last two into unconsciousness, then turned
toward Continuity Champ. CC braced himself and prepared to use his
powers.
The liquid-metal being paused. "Obscure Trivia Lad knows you,
doesn't he? You are Continuity Champ."
The Champion cocked his head slightly. Obscure Trivia Lad?
"Obscure Trivia Lad is dead," he pointed out.
"That is what Obscure Trivia Lad thought as well, but the
Powers That Be told Obscure Trivia Lad that Obscure Trivia Lad was
not destined to die."
"He... I mean, you weren't?"
"No, Trivia King was the one meant to die."
"I see." Continuity Champ thought for a second. "If you're
really Obscure Trivia Lad, what was Mechadoom's last word in
DEATHLOK #5?"
"'Ultron'."
"What was the mug shot number of Bruce Wayne in Batman the
Animated Series episode 'Feat of Clay'?"
"2357069."
"Which character went insane in SECRET WARS?"
"Klaw."
Continuity Champ pondered this development for a second. "I
guess you *are* who you say. No one else would have that much
useless knowledge."
"Obscure Trivia Lad thanks you." He shapeshifted into his old
costume. "Obscure Trivia Lad likes his new form."
"What is it?"
"As closely as Obscure Trivia Lad can tell, it is some type of
cosmic-powered doppleganger android they built here."
"Hmmmm."
"Obscure Trivia Lad wants to know something."
"What?"
"Why didn't you use your powers on the ninjas more?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Obscure Trivia Lad's comic awareness says you are less
powerful than before. His awareness says this is in part because
you have been 'redefined' into post-Cry.Sig continuity and in part
because your powers are still recovering from your battles during
the Cry.Sig."
Continuity Champ regarded him with a cold look. "Obscure
Trivia Lad doesn't know how to refer to himself in the first
person, so Continuity Champ will take anything Obscure Trivia Lad
says as the ravings of a moron." He moved toward the hole that OTL
had made in the floor. "What's down there?"
"Obscure Trivia Lad does not know. There were no lights down
there."
"We're going to see then." The Champion hopped down the hole;
Obscure Trivia Lad stretched himself down after him. CC used his
powers to create light.
What they found took their breath (well, CC's anyway, since
OTL was an android now) away...



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Next Week: Some more COSMIC CONSPIRACY!!

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Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer