LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #220: The Stay Dead Trilogy!

[Arthur Spitzer]

You can sift through the racc list archive
https://lists.eyrie.org/pipermail/racc/
or you can try google groups racc for these Stay Dead issues.


And here we have Scott Eiler's Stay Dead Trilogy, which acts
as a bit of a prelude to the Mega Monster Epic that is LNH v2
#50.

This was Scott's first foray into the LNH, I believe. Before this
Scott wrote for his own Superhero World 2010 Imprint (and I can't
remember if Stay Dead! was before or after he began doing the
Powernaut Webcomic).

Inspired by Yet-Another-Character-with-an-incredibly-long-name-
that-won't-amuse-Scott-Eiler-but-hey-it's-okay-since-he's-dead Man
appearance in Beige Midnight #9 -- we get to see what happened to
him and the rest of the LNH-Subgroup-Designed-to-be-Mowed-Down-by-
Mynabird-to-Show-What-an-Incredible-Bad-Ass-He-Is after they were
mowed down by Mynabird and now have crossed over to the afterlife.

Will they be able to deal with the rough and tumble of life after death?
Can they manage to not piss off Don't Stay Dead Man?
Will they get some shorter names that are way easier to type?
And can they manage to find away to that big revolving door in the sky
so they can make their big comeback to life?


Find out maybe some of this in...


_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \

|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES

ADVENTURES #220


=====================
The Stay Dead Trilogy!
=====================






From: Scott Eiler seiler at eilertech.com
Date: Sun Nov 6 17:27:05 PST 2011


Stay Dead!

A Tale of the Legion of Net.Heroes

---

Author's Note: Yes, you read that right. I am for once writing a
story for someone else's universe. It's a massive shared universe
full of in-jokes - and also some good stories. (http://www.lnhq.info/
wiki/Welcome/.) And it has attracted my attention... Writers help
me, I'm actually posting here for review.

---

What Has Gone Before:

The LNHHQ Front Lawn, during a villainous attack:

And over there, Yet-Another-Character-with-an-incredibly-long-name-
that-won't-amuse-Scott-Eiler-but-hey-it's-okay-since-he's-dead Man.
The hothead of our group. He was so angry at the world. Angry at a
world that hates superheroes with incredibly long names. May he find
peace in the afterlife.

(by Arthur Spitzer, Beige Midnight #9)

---

Two dead heroes had coffee as usual one morning in the Afterlife.
Well, it was *like* coffee at least.

Ensign Bodybag asked, "You doing anything today?"

Cannon Fodder said, "Yeah. I'm due back for a big battle."

"Battle, huh? Guess I better get ready for new arrivals..."

Then a truckload of characters got dumped in front of them!

Cannon Fodder reacted first... "I guess the battle started without
me."

Cannon Fodder had hopped in and out of the afterlife all the time.
But Ensign Bodybag just stayed dead. He'd made the afterlife his
home. So he asked the new arrivals, "Where you guys from *this*
time?"

One spoke. "We're Team LNH-Subgroup-Designed-to-be-Mowed-Down-by-
Mynabird-to-Show-What-an-Incredible-Bad-Ass-He-Is."

"Say no more... Welcome to the Afterlife. Yes, that's where you are
now. I know the feeling. You can call me Ensign Bodybag."

"And I'm Cannon Fodder. Whatever you went through back there, you're
with friends now. Stand easy, heroes. *You* can relax here as long
as you like."

Ensign Bodybag continued. "We find it helps if you sound off." He
pointed at the apparent commander of the arrivals. "You! Sound off!"

He said, "Uh... Comes-up-with-horrible-awful-names-for-LNH-subgroups
Lad, Sir!"

"Say no more..." Ensign Bodybag pointed at a woman. "You?"

"I'm Her-Death-Would've-Been-More-Poignant-If-She-Had-Actually-
Appeared-in-Something-Before-this-Issue Lass!" She pointed at a
different new arrival. "*He* named me! Dr. Can-Beat-Any-Supervillain-
Except-for-Mynabird!"

"Rest easy, soldier. We pick our *own* names here."

"Then why are you Cannon Fodder Lad?"

"No, I'm Ensign Bodybag. *He's* Cannon Fodder. Not Cannon Fodder
Lad. Just Cannon Fodder."

The first guy (call him Horrible Name Lad, Ensign Bodybag thought)
said, "Wow! *The* Cannon Fodder? I *love* your early work! But
why'd you call yourself that?"

Ensign Bodybag answered for Cannon Fodder. "We called ourselves what
we did, because that's what we really were. When we admitted it, we
felt a lot better about how we got here. But anyway..." Ensign
Bodybag pointed at the next man in line. "Sound off!"

Then the sky of the Afterlife cracked open. A man-like figure came
down - on a bicycle, along a magic trapeze wire that suddenly
appeared. He wore red tights and a gray cloak.

Ensign Bodybag said to the new arrivals, "Just stay quiet." Then he
said to the cloaked figure, "Hey! Don't Stay Dead Man! You come for
Cannon Fodder?"

Don't Stay Dead Man pointed - at the next new arrival, who'd been
afraid to sound off.

"Hey! Whatsyername! You're lucky! You got your ticket back to real
life!" The man perked up as Don't Stay Dead Man came for him.

But then Don't Stay Dead Man pulled a cardboard box with a spout from
under his cloak. Ensign Bodybag's keen vision saw the letters,
"Powdered Darkness".

Don't Stay Dead Man sprinkled some of the powder on the new arrival.
The man screamed as the powder hit him. Then he dissolved into
nothing.

The newly dead heroes screamed. But Don't Stay Dead Man ignored
them. He pointed at Cannon Fodder, and crooked his finger. Cannon
Fodder shrugged, and hopped on the rear-wheel rider spokes of Don't
Stay Dead Man's bicycle.

Don't Stay Dead Man turned around and pedalled his bicycle back into
the sky, with Cannon Fodder. No one dared speak until they'd
disappeared.

The female new arrival (call her Poignant Death Lass, Ensign Bodybag
thought) whispered, "What *was* that?"

Ensign Bodybag responded quietly, "That was our version of the
Champion of Death. He *usually* comes here to bring one of us back to
life. Usually Cannon Fodder..." He shrugged. "But that powder he
used is pure oblivion. When it hits someone who's already dead,
there's no coming back."

"So that Death guy is an agent of the Higher Powers?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. I guess Yet-Another-Character-with-an-incredibly-long-name-that-
won't-amuse-Scott-Eiler-but-hey-it's-okay-since-he's-dead Man must
have *really* offended The Writers."

---

Author's Notes:

Originally an instant story! Justice needed swift service. But we're
now on the second draft of this story. You can find the first draft
on alt.comics.lnh if you really want to. Arthur Spitzer did, and
redirected me to where people actually care.

Yet-Another-Character-with-an-incredibly-long-name-that-won't-amuse-
Scott-Eiler-but-hey-it's-okay-since-he's-dead Man is used by
permission of Arthur Spitzer.

Team LNH-Subgroup-Designed-to-be-Mowed-Down-by-Mynabird-to-Show-What-
an-Incredible-Bad-Ass-He-Is, Comes-up-with-horrible-awful-names-for-
LNH-subgroups Lad, Her-Death-Would've-Been-More-Poignant-If-She-Had-
Actually-Appeared-in-Something-Before-this-Issue Lass, and Dr. Can-
Beat-Any-Supervillain-Except-for-Mynabird are created by Arthur
Spitzer, and uncategorized by the rules of the Legion of Net.Heroes.
I've left them as I've found them. But now that I've written them, I
am inclined to use them again in LNH-related media, especially
Horrible Name Lad and Poignant Death Lass. Arthur's now granted
permission for that.

Cannon Fodder is one of those legendary characters created by wReam.
He fit this story so well, its first draft had a character called
Cannon Fodder Lad. So I've tried to tie Cannon Fodder in with Beige
Midnight #9.

Powdered Darkness resembles an interdimensional force Wil Alambre
recently invoked in Super Wizard from Space stories in RACC. Without
going into further history of Darkness... Eek!

Ensign Bodybag and Don't Stay Dead Man are original to me. I hereby
declare them Free For Use in all LNH-related venues.

So there.

--
(signed) Scott Eiler 8{D> -------- http://www.eilertech.com/ ---------

Turns out I'm an anally-fixated oedipal paranoid with
south-of-the-border schizophrenic delusions... But never mind, I've
found me the ideal job. I'm going to run for President!

- Major Honey, scripted by Grant Morrison, Doom Patrol #46, August 1991.


From: Scott Eiler seiler at eilertech.com
Date: Wed Feb 27 17:30:48 PST 2013


Don't Stay Dead!

A Tale of the Legion of Net.Heroes

---

What Has Gone Before:

On their very first mission for the Legion of Net.Heroes, against a
threat known as Beige Midnight, Horrible Name Lad and Poignant Death
Lass died. Ensign Bodybag welcomed them to the Afterlife. They all saw
Don't Stay Dead Man come for one of their teammates - and give him True
Death. (http://www.eilertech.com/stories/lnh/stay_dead.txt )

This story takes place before Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 2 #50.

---

Three dead heroes had their coffee break as usual one morning in the
Afterlife. Well, it was *like* coffee at least.

Ensign Bodybag asked, "You still want to go back if you can?"

Poignant Death Lass said, "Yeah. It's just something about the way we
died. I don't think it was the way I was meant to go."

Horrible Name Lad joined in. "Yeah. As much as I love it here in Happy
Fun Death Land, I can't think of this as the end."

"Well, you never know. Today could be the day you get out... Well,
speak of the devil." Ensign Bodybag pointed up.

The sky of the Afterlife had cracked open. A man-like figure was coming
down - on a bicycle, along a magic trapeze wire that suddenly appeared.
He wore red tights and a gray cloak.

Ensign Bodybag said to the cloaked figure, "Hey! Don't Stay Dead Man!
Who you here for this time?"

Don't Stay Dead Man pointed two fingers - at Poignant Death Lass and
Horrible Name Lad. Then he pointed at his two rear-wheel rider spokes.

Ensign Bodybag said, "Well then. Not True Death for you two... Saddle
up! See you when you get back."

"I suppose it's inevitable," said Poignant Death Lass. "Especially if I
fall off the damn high wire."

"Don't say Damn High Wire, say Highway to Dying Again!" Horrible Name
Lad stood by one spoke, and held out his hand.

"Horrible, I've said it before, but I got to say it again. Don't you
*ever* turn your power off?" Poignant Death Lass took Horrible Name
Lad's hand. They mounted the rider spokes together.

"Nope, it's my Always-On Happy Power."

As Don't Stay Dead Man pedalled up the wire, Ensign Bodybag heard the
two passengers quip... "Who you think they're taking us to? Maybe the
Twentyverse?"

"Maybe the LNH Loser Squad!"

"Dammit, stop coming up with horrible names!"

"Can't do that..."

As the bicycle disappeared, Ensign Bodybag turned and looked behind.
One small boy was watching with a smirk on his face.

The Ensign said, "Okay. You saw me lose my two best staff members. I
think you're behind it, Gratuitous Coincidence Boy. But no hard
feelings. You just got both their jobs!"

The boy said, "D'oh!"

---

Author's Notes:

Snort. I begin to see the attraction of LNH as a venue for silly
stories - and for exploring character potential where one might least
expect it. This story was instant.

I believe this to be enough for one episode. But look for a sequel -
with two mysterious new applicants to the Legion! Could those be...
Clueless Lad and Psychovant the Duck? Probably not. 8{D>

... One year on, we're still waiting for the finish of the story this
leads into. But it was pointed out, I never did officially publish the
lead-in. So here it is!

---

Credits:

Horrible Name Lad (Comes-up-with-horrible-awful-names-for-LNH-subgroups
Lad) and Poignant Death Lass
(Her-Death-Would've-Been-More-Poignant-If-She-Had-Actually-Appeared-in-Something-Before-this-Issue
Lass) were created by Arthur Spitzer, and are used by permission. I
believe them to be Free For Use, which is fine by me, as soon as I write
one more story with them. And I might as well admit, that story's ready
too.

Ensign Bodybag, Don't Stay Dead Man, and now Gratuitous Coincidence Boy
are original to me. They are Free For Use in all LNH-related venues.

So there.

(signed) Scott Eiler, 12 May 2012

--
(signed) Scott Eiler 8{D> -------- http://www.eilertech.com/ ---------

When you *are* the leader... whatever goes wrong... whether you did it
or not... *you* are held responsible. - Barack Obama

I know. - Archie Andrews

- from Archie #617, March 2011, scripted by Alex Simmons.

From: Scott Eiler seiler at eilertech.com
Date: Sat May 25 11:04:19 PDT 2013


Not Dead!

A Tale of the Legion of Net.Heroes

---

What Has Gone Before:

Somewhere beyond time and space,
in the Isle of STFU (one of the Gateways to Limbo)
sits a being who has been banned from reality itself. The Time Crapper
appears and offers them what they most desire--vengeance on the LNH...

In the present day, a new member appears and join the LNH but refuses
to reveal what their powers are. The LNH is about to reject her on the
grounds that there are enough mysterious characters running around
already thank you very much, but All Knowing Last Chance Whiner
Destiny Woman appears and warns them that this member is necessary to
stop a deadly enemy who has returned, the enemy they faced in their
very first case!

(by Adrian J. McClure, LNH v2 #50: The Challenge from Before!)

---

Don't Stay Dead Man silently stopped his bicycle in front of the LNH HQ.
Horrible Name Lad and Poignant Death Lass stepped off the rear wheel
rider spokes. She said, "Classicverse."

"Don't say Classicverse. Say Backwaterverse!"

"You shut up!"

Don't Stay Dead Man turned around, and disappeared. The hero and
heroine were resurrected - and on their own. They had an obvious but
terrifying place to go: the LNH Lobby.

---

Inside, the receptionist looked at them, and pressed a button. Two
monitors with keyboards popped out of the desk. Each monitor said, "LNH
New Member Application. Powered by AOL!"

Poignant Death Lass asked, "Uh, we're coming back for duty. Could we
skip this step?"

The receptionist looked up from a picture of herself with her husband.
"Sure. Names?"

"Poignant Death Lass. And he's Horrible Name Lad."

"Poinyant... Not in the system."

"Oh, idiot. You *do* know how to spell Poignant, don't you? With the G?"

"Okay. Goinyant... Not in the system."

"I give up." Poignant Death Lass stomped to the nearest computer,
looked for Member Login, and typed in Poignant Death Lass. The monitor
showed, Name not recognized.

"Dammit. Horrible, what *was* my real name? I already forgot."

"Uh, I think it was Dies-So-Poinyantly-People-Crap-Their-Pants Lass."

"Why am I asking *you*?" She turned to the receptionist. "Let's try
New Member. Call me, uh..."

Horrible Name Lad jumped in the void. "She's Miss Terry! And I'm Sir
Prizer!"

The receptionist showed a burst of efficiency. "Okaaay... You're in
the system. An LNH Member will be with you shortly to guide you through
your Peril Room interview."

Poignant Death Lass sighed. "Oh, dammit."

The receptionist's phone buzzed. She said, "What? There? Right." She
turned to the returning heroes. "Your interview's been moved to the LNH
Cafeteria. You'll love the Taco Salad Cheesecake on special today."

Poignant Death Lass sighed. "Oh, *double* dammit."


---

Author's Notes:

This is an old story, but I'm posting it to RACC for the first time. It
takes place immediately before Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 2 #50.

---

Credits:

Horrible Name Lad (Comes-up-with-horrible-awful-names-for-LNH-subgroups
Lad) and Poignant Death Lass
(Her-Death-Would've-Been-More-Poignant-If-She-Had-Actually-Appeared-in-Something-Before-this-Issue
Lass) were created by Arthur Spitzer, and are used by permission. I
believe them to be Free For Use, and they're actually being used now
that I've thrown them into someone else's storyline.

Don't Stay Dead Man is original to me. He is Free For Use in all
LNH-related venues.

So there.



--
(signed) Scott Eiler 8{D> -------- http://www.eilertech.com/ ---------

When you *are* the leader... whatever goes wrong... whether you did it
or not... *you* are held responsible. - Barack Obama

I know. - Archie Andrews

- from Archie #617, March 2011, scripted by Alex Simmons.


==========
Next Week: LNH vII #50 Part One!!!!
==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer

[Scott Eiler]

On 2021-10-24 14:08, Arthur Spitzer wrote:

> And here we have Scott Eiler's Stay Dead Trilogy, which acts
> as a bit of a prelude to the Mega Monster Epic that is LNH v2
> #50.

Oooh, I've made the big time!

> This was Scott's first foray into the LNH, I believe. Before this
> Scott wrote for his own Superhero World 2010 Imprint (and I can't
> remember if Stay Dead! was before or after he began doing the
> Powernaut Webcomic).

I can answer that... This story seems to have been posted on 6 November
2011. 17 November 2011 was when I started drawing the very first
Powernaut Comic. I remember that date because I was on a ferry boat
from Alaska at the time. My computer had crapped out, my phone couldn't
get Internet, and I'd read an entire trashy paperback novel about Nazis
in Antarctica that day. So I'd basically exhausted all options for
entertainment other than drawing cartoons. Go figure where *that* led.

--
-- (signed) Scott Eiler 8{D> ------ http://www.eilertech.com/ -------

"Your Royal Highness, instead of devoting yourself exclusively
to Minerva, should, instead, rather offer sacrifice at the altars
of Bacchus, Orpheus, Venus, and Morpheus."

- Advice to Prince Duarte of Portugal. From "The golden age of
Prince Henry the Navigator", by Joaquim Pedro Oliveira Martins.
Coming soon to Project Gutenberg.